Life and Times of Teh Asuka

What Asuka wanted: a quick silly smut-tastic xenolicious demon summoner/demon davekat AU pr0n thing.

What Asuka got: every character ever telling her who they were and what they were doing in this AU EVEN ALPHA DAVE AND ROSE SERIOUSLY???, three tons of setup, shiny shiny “what this demon character wants/needs sacrificed to offer their services” oh dear lord meulin’s is EVIL, Dave and Latula bonding, Kankri???, a war between hell dimensions and the ~mortal plane~, and only the quickest bit of tease followed by OH WELP I JUST REMEMBERED THIS WOULD BE V.V. DUBCON AND I AM NOT A DOUCHE LET ME SET THIS UP TO ANGST LONG AND HARD AT LATER DATE.

but oh lord do I love urban fantasy and potential apocalypses. awgh. Also Rose and her stable of demons aaahhh. Also the potential for “why is this hoooot” whimpering from Dave when Terezi-wearing-Rose hits on him.Also the Rose/Sollux. Also the Rose/Vriska why does she get all the bitches.

*kicks at the bunny hutch* STOP BREEDING YOU HORNY MOTHERFUCKERS.

Wonder if i could just go with “hey okay i needed the set up NOW I CAN TURN THIS INTO A PORN ‘VERSE”… *squints thoughtfully*


So... this. Pure silly self-indulgence, also a teaser, no promise that i'll continue it because i'm evil and also i have no plot and am just typing along. >__>;

Warnings: Dave/Karkat, a BIT more xeno than xeno usually means in this fandom (there’s no porn yet, i hope soon, but when it does i’ll certainly be dubcon.) Somewhat Master/slave dynamics. (if petstuck fics bother you this is probably going to hit the same buttons.)

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In the last week John had started collecting objects he could afford to see brutally destroyed. Not for Karkat's weirdo nest, but to throw over the foot of his bed and wake him up when he was in the middle of a nightmare, before morning-zombie Dave decided to stumble out of bed and wake the alien up his own special way. They did not have enough towels on the whole island to sponge up that much blood.

(John had made the mistake of lobbing his own pillow exactly once. Jake and Dirk were still finding bits and pieces of memory foam in their sheets four days later.)

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WHO WANTS NINETEEN PAGES OF SOLLUXNESS.

Last time I ever write that asshole. By the way. This thing was supposed to be a quick prologue to some other shit entirely and then he just kept babbling, and I don’t even think my grasp on him is all that good. Bluh.

This fic slots right during/after the first two Karkat and Signless-centric fics in the series, where they’ve just emerged into the new world, almost everyone is still in the cave, and over half of them are asleep.

Contains: Sollux <3< Roxy, Sollux <3 Feferi, Signless/Psii, the Life girls duking it out, and a chatlog.
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With half of everybody still asleep or so groggy they might as well be, Feferi busy sitting vigil by her horrorterror of an Ancestress, thankfully still conked out, Terezi chatting up a storm with her own, Karkat having fucked off for parts unknown, and no internet connection...

You'd be bored enough to cry like a little bitch without Roxy. Maybe enough to blast a second tunnel to the surface with your brain. Either/or. (Then again, after that you'd be outside but apparently outside there's plants and nature and shit. Nope.jpg.) When Roxy's awake, though, it's hard to remember that the walls are boring and rocky and the floor is hard and rocky and you are surrounded by boring hard rock and slumbering assholes and just about nothing else.

When she's awake you're too busy wanting to slap her across the snout. Only that'd be way too cheap.

"Choke on my hot long self-replicating worm, you script kiddie!"

"Iyaan, Solly-baby, what is this, it's too big, it'll never fit -- whoops I chomped it in half with my rad as hell firebirdwall. Hi there, nice files you have in that li'l folder!"

"Yeah, have fun with my dummy session while I slide all nice and tight in your backdoor--"

"You guys are the filthiest," says that other human girl, the short-and-round cerulean. ( She adds a sadly disappointed shake of her head... )

o_o

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Sequel to the meme's previous Eridan/Nepeta.

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-- caligulasAquarium [CA] changed his status to caligitaken! --

CG: WHAT.

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] is idle! Message: Mroww, mangy stray cat has clawws <3< --

CG: NO, SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHAT.
CG: BEFORE THE GRUESOME EXPLOSION OF MY PAN SHOWERS THE WHOLE ISLAND IN FLAMING, PUTRID DEBRIS.
CG: ERIDAN? ERIDAN, YOU SAD LUSUS DIDDLER.

--

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] trolled arsenicCatnip [AC] --
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>__>; So yeah I have a kiss meme going on. If you guys want to give me more prompts go ahead right here in the comments, you know the drill, give me two or three characters, one or two words of prompt (settings and moods work best, poetic and metaphysical least), and i make no promises there'll be an end result but we never know. I wrote 8000 words yesterday in under seven hours, shit was bananas.

For reference, this is the (incomplete but) Sunlightverse shipping grid, but you don't have to only prompt pairings that are already on that, I'm also fine with one night stands, cursed mistletoes and oops i slipped and fell on your mouth.

Some of those ficlets are considered canon, some of them not, and some I will have to decide later. Dirk/Equius, Nepeta/Eridan and Psii/Condie are canon for sure.

Anonymous asked you:
Dadbert and the children. kissing booboos (or dad/GH lol how would that make any sense GH does not scrape his knees)

(alas the GH one would have been hilarious. Couldn't figure it out though.)
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( 'Did I... ever do that?' his/not-his father asks, voice gentle and oddly rough, and leans in over his scraped elbow. )

azzandra asked you:
Dirk/Equius, 100d public kissyface.

--
( They are redesigning a water pump.  )

vehrec asked you:
Psi/Condy, awkward black romance failure.

( 'I don't belong to you,' he says, 'not anymore, I won't, ever.' )

Adi:
eridan<3<nepeta: hunter or the hunted?

( There's white sugar and black-kittied tea kettles everyfuckingwhere in this blighted place. Eridan lands, scowling already, and sure enough he gets sugar in his shoes in the very next second. )

theunvanquishedzims asked you:
Summoner<>Tavros<3<Dave, slam battle.

( 'I'm, uh, perhaps in the process of, you know, rethinking this' )


Anonymous asked you:
For the kiss meme - maybe Condesce kisses Karkat to sort out her red feels? It beats listening to Kurloz whine again about not getting any. (Karkat: oh god empress is kissing, why is everyone kissing me, halp)

( 'Come here, buoy.' )

... and last post.

By the way if you guys want to participate, ask away! Any of my fics, any characters in them, any fandoms. Just make sure it hasn't been asked already.

under the cut: Sunlightverse, Garden, 30th Century Night, Joyride, and Palemates Smuttin it Up 'verse.

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Over on Tumblr I had a round of "Ask my characters a question" meme.

I uh think i'll have to split the answers into several posts.

This one's for Battlefield Terra answers.

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Okay, now that they’re out anyway: side pairings : Dave<3Terezi, Gamzee<>Karkat and Gamzee<3<Terezi.

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You wake up because there's someone staring at you and also you can't breathe.

If the staring you awake thing happens three times in a row you swear you will flip a nun ass over rosary. For now you just force your eyes open into the gloomy room and try to figure out who left an elephant parked over your ribs.

Pat. Pat.

You recognize that (supple, smooth, bare) thigh. Okay, how the fuck did Karkat end up face up and ass across your stomach, his legs have to be dangling over the edge of the bed and considering where the wall is his neck is probably made of origami, this is ridiculous.

He's still breathing all soft and sleepingly, though, so you keep squinting.

Huh, there's a gargoyle perched on your footboard.

Where the fuck is your sword. Sword now. You need your fucking sword oh hey antelope horns and Cthulhu hair.

Wonder who that could be!

Nope, still feels like your need your goddamn sword.

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:D
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