Life and Times of Teh Asuka

Anonymous asked you:
Feferi and Jane, speculating if (... cut for spoilers :3)


-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] ! --

CC: )(ey t)(ere, lifesister! 38D
GG: Hello. Feferi, right? With the color of your text it has to be a Peixes, but I doubt the Condesce would be so happy to see me.
GG: I deduce with my highly trained detective's mind that you need something from me.
CC: )(--EY! T)(at's reely mean, I could just want to carp a bit.
CC: I know we )(aven't glubbed muc)( so far but t)(ere's no reason not to start now, rig)(t?
GG: You could, but you aren't, are you? :B
CC: 38X Wow, )(ars)(. You're so mean.
CC: T)(e meena)(est.
GG: Oh, that one was bad. Also, not a fish pun!
CC: Water else could be more nautically t)(emed t)(an a fis)( troll w)(o's been s)(arking around for t)(ousands of sweeps, I will ask you.
GG: Pretty much nothing. Very well, pun accepted.
( Read more... )

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thingsareswinging replied to your post:
Dave & Signless, discussing karkat

Daikonpan asked you:
SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN CONDOMS TO THE FORMER TROLLS. Possibly Jade. I would trust Jade to give sex ed.


-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling cardinalGallivant [CG] ! --

TG: so hey dude
TG: i figure youre just about the coolest adult extroll so far and also the most likely to not go all tightnooked with offense and also by now youd have found a solution to keep from oopsing again and also itll piss off karkat hardcore ifwhen he figures out i asked you
TG: not that this is in any way related to him or anyone either of us know
CG: NATURALLY not. (:B
CG: I TAKE IT you have a Question of a ... somewhat Delicate nature?
TG: yeah lets call it that why the hell not
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stheere asked you:
Um um DIRK AND NEPETA talking about Equius. =3
(this follow the kiss meme's dirk/equ date.)

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling timaeusTestified [TT] ! --

AC: :33 < *the cave lioness pounces from the bushes and tackles her prey to the ground!!*
AC: :33 < *today she doesn't care about godmodding one bit! she plants her claws in her prey's hide, and leans furry close, and growls all low and scary*
AC: >:00 < what are your intentions toward my meowrail??? >:00
TT: Huh.
TT: The stallion is brought to the ground by the lioness' startling and not godmoddey at all pounce, and whinnies sadly because his mouth is not formed ideally for speech.
TT: Thankfully he also has access to kicking rad shades to type messages with, because his hooves would make a mess of a keyboard.
( Read more... )

WHO WANTS NINETEEN PAGES OF SOLLUXNESS.

Last time I ever write that asshole. By the way. This thing was supposed to be a quick prologue to some other shit entirely and then he just kept babbling, and I don’t even think my grasp on him is all that good. Bluh.

This fic slots right during/after the first two Karkat and Signless-centric fics in the series, where they’ve just emerged into the new world, almost everyone is still in the cave, and over half of them are asleep.

Contains: Sollux <3< Roxy, Sollux <3 Feferi, Signless/Psii, the Life girls duking it out, and a chatlog.
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With half of everybody still asleep or so groggy they might as well be, Feferi busy sitting vigil by her horrorterror of an Ancestress, thankfully still conked out, Terezi chatting up a storm with her own, Karkat having fucked off for parts unknown, and no internet connection...

You'd be bored enough to cry like a little bitch without Roxy. Maybe enough to blast a second tunnel to the surface with your brain. Either/or. (Then again, after that you'd be outside but apparently outside there's plants and nature and shit. Nope.jpg.) When Roxy's awake, though, it's hard to remember that the walls are boring and rocky and the floor is hard and rocky and you are surrounded by boring hard rock and slumbering assholes and just about nothing else.

When she's awake you're too busy wanting to slap her across the snout. Only that'd be way too cheap.

"Choke on my hot long self-replicating worm, you script kiddie!"

"Iyaan, Solly-baby, what is this, it's too big, it'll never fit -- whoops I chomped it in half with my rad as hell firebirdwall. Hi there, nice files you have in that li'l folder!"

"Yeah, have fun with my dummy session while I slide all nice and tight in your backdoor--"

"You guys are the filthiest," says that other human girl, the short-and-round cerulean. ( She adds a sadly disappointed shake of her head... )

And this one I am posting separately because 1) SURPRISE PORN WTF? and 2) 4000 words long what i said short, anon.

Anonymous asked you:
dave/karkat, mortifying teenagers

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Karkat liked the god village relatively well, for all that the amenities had been built by people who thought a hole in the ground with a plank across it was fancy for a loadgaper.

Okay, he was being unfair.

Fuck being unfair.

Today he liked the village for one thing only. Not the defensibleness or the gorgeous view or the lack of monsters or the pleasant, not charbroiling sunlight.

His hive's backdoor was only thirty steps away from Dave's, and he could even do most of the trip behind some bushes, in case of nosy neighbors. At an angry stomp he crossed them decently fast.

BANG BANG BANG. "Strider! Drag yourself off your depraved concupiscent platform and ooze your way to the sadly nonfucking, celibate door now before I take it off its hinges! It'll be a poor virgin door for life, Strider, and your house will have a hole in it for the dust and the birds to fly in and I will laugh, Strider! I will fucking laugh! I'll laugh so hard I might break a vocal vibratory string and will have to continue pouring wisdom and orders in thine ears at point blank fucking range, are you looking forward to that because I sure am, Strider!"

"'sup," said a slice of Strider, appearing in the barely cracked-open door from eye down to a hint of hip. "It wasn't locked, you tool."

"Some of us are afflicted with this sickness called politeness that means we don't just waltz into other people's hives," Karkat replied, because of course he hadn't thought to check the handle. Dave rolled red eyes at him.

Oh hey no shades today. Huh. ... Huh.( Read more... )

... and last post.

By the way if you guys want to participate, ask away! Any of my fics, any characters in them, any fandoms. Just make sure it hasn't been asked already.

under the cut: Sunlightverse, Garden, 30th Century Night, Joyride, and Palemates Smuttin it Up 'verse.

( Read more... )

Okay, so. I got some of the titles for the prescratch Ancestors right, and some I got wrong but am too attached to -- Disciple being the Knight of Heart, for example, that fic's already written and i'm not rewriting it -- but at the same time I'd still like to have as many close to canon as possible, if only because it'll mean I don't have to make shit up and can use closer-to-canon personalities in the cases I didn't already have headcanons.

So.

Canon title	My titles	potential change?
Thief of Life	was already out	X
Sylph of Light	was already out	X
Seer of Blood	guessed right!	X
Witch of Time	guessed right!	X
Rogue of Breath	Prince of Breath	=> ???
Heir of Doom	Page of Doom	=> ???
Mage of Heart	Knight of Heart	=> nope. Keepin it.
Maid of Space	guessed right!	X
Knight of Mind	Rogue of Mind	=> Rogue of Mind
Page of Void	Mage of Void	=> ???
Prince of Rage	Heir of Rage	=> Prince of Rage
Bard of Hope	guessed right!	X

Pyrope gets to be Rogue of Mind because knight was the only other thing badass enough for her, and Leijon already fic-canonized it as hers. (at first I had her as Bard because she seemed to like making a bit of a spectacle of her job, but... it fit better on Ampora.)
Makara gets Prince because I mostly saw him as powerful, and between Heir and Prince it's a bit of a toss-up, so better to go with canon.

The issue then arises between Captor, Nitram and Zahhak, because there's only mage, page and heir left over. My headcanon didn't jive much with a Heir Captor, but frankly I didn't have much of one in the first place. So if we go with canon as much as possible, Zahhak ends up page, and Nitram mage. IDK about Zahhak being a page when in the next life his power was still active, but maybe page is the class that takes the longest to activate in that you have to DIE FIRST or something.

But seriously, Nitram as a mage? I can't see it at all. But if we reshuffle so Zahhak is make, then Nitram ends up page, just like Tavros, and I don't feel that suits him either.

But if we make Captor the mage so Nitram can become Heir (doubles up on John but that seems a little less bad than doubling up on his own descendent) and Zahhak stay canon-Page then Captor's the one copying his descendent!

Aaa. I can't brain. Anyone got suggestions?

Also I don't know whether to keep my made-up names or edit all those I haven't written about yet. But wouldn't it make things confusing??? aaahh. People'd be like "canon names canon characters who the fuck is Kheper/Asleha/Nergal ." Whereas with all-OC names ... well I'd remember to add more elements to recognize them in the narrative, anyway? and people wouldn't expect to see the brand new prescratch trolls, either? because they're massively more the Alternian versions than the Beforus versions, anyway, and those are mostly headcanon for just about anyone and expected to be so. idek. aaa.

(also some of my names are prettier, okay XD i like Sherat better than Damara. :p)

this is such a cheesy idea, but at the same time it’s also a totes logical one, okay??? D:

Since the 24 trolls and 9 humans and one lone cherub are now the same mixed species thanks to game shenanigans, their God Tier/activated powers shape should be similar as well, right? And humans don’t physically change save for the clothes, but the trolls get wings.

And they massively outnumber the other species in this particular melting pot. (heck, dadbert is not actually a player so he counts for jack shit in this balance. welp.)

So… it totally makes sense that on top of the horns and grayed out skin and claws and teeth, the humans would also gain winged shapes when using their powers. Doesn’t it??? yes it does. >__>

But then Dave started bitching up a storm in my head about how if he had to have wings then they were damn well going to be HIS wings, IE Davesprite’s wings. IE bird/feathery. And if he was introducing feathers in the god “genome” then the other humans might as well get those, especially since it jived better with *their* mythological influences.

So now the gods on this planet are depicted as having wings, but the Identical Twin pairs (IE the ex-trolls, since they’re clones of each other) have butterfly wings, and the Fraternal Twins (ex-humans) have feathers, and the Lone Birth (Calliope) somehow gets bat wings, because lol cherub w/ demon wings lol i r easily amused.

I am the most logical. It is me.

(oh yes ironically enough the twin thing is what Calliope brought to the mix, reproductively speaking. I keep headcanoning cherubs as so violent and asocial (and omg traumatic insemination auuugh) that reproduction equals death pretty often, so if every time one child is born the mother dies then the species couldn’t perpetuate, so they tended to have multiple births. The new species that the players are gods of tends to twins and triplets, sometimes more. Winning the game meant getting rid of Lord English, so she is now Twinless in the local mythology. IDK if he’s still asleep in her head or dead for good. I tend to think “alseep” because I liked Caliborn, but he’s probably at least Satan in the new religion XD)

Long story short the ex-human players get bird wings when they access their god tier powers. I don’t mean angel wings, I mean bird. John’s are sparrow wings, Rose’s are storm petrel, Roxy’s are magpie wings, etcetera. And they’re all pretty short, Dave has the hugest by far, the rest tend to be between slightly over hand-length and slightly under arm-length, more cute/symbolic than functional. Wonder what color they’d be though, same as their eye color? Their “twin“‘s eye color? Their Aspect’s main color? Some other random color? Hmm.

This is kinda ridiculously speshul. But also hella fun to draw. So.

Askerian: aaawant ;_;
Saro : Well, why not?
Askerian: it’s cheesy? ._.
Askerian: (BUT CUTE AAAHHH)
Askerian: .__.
Askerian: it’s so silly.
Saro : ...So?
Askerian: ._.
Saro : If there’s one thing I know about Homestuck, it’s that this is nooooot a super serious canon.
Askerian: ... this is a very good point!! :D


Also it's adorable okay.
(no roxy yet cause i don't know what Rogue god tier pajamas look like. ;.;)
(original sprites by Feastings. SO ADORABLE. edit by me duh.)

fantasticirreverence replied:
A little cheese does the soul good. Anyway, what kind of species did they create in this new universe? Have you given it any thought beyond their mythology?

Sure! They’re basically the same as this new species, humanoid with horns and pointy bits (only with no wings, those are for Godhood only), and their colors tend to be much more muddled because now eye color, skin color and blood color are independent from one another but can interact weird and affect how the end result looks. For example Sollux and Jane might have children who have her blue eyes gene and her brown-gray skin gene over his pure-gray skin gene, but they have HIS yellow blood which means the brown is yellowish since the blood now shows through AND the eyes end up looking green, since they’re her blue iris pigment+his yellow blood. (it’s not entirely scientifically figured out yet. Don’t try to make too much sense of it. XD) Also pure white or black hair doesn’t exist outside of legendary heroes and gods.

Also they’re monotremes. u.u

Sunlightverse is this post-game collection of oneshots where every player is revived (yes the Ancestors too) and merged with their pre/post scratch iteration. Since they forced the game to see them as a single party it also reclassified everyone as being of the same species, so we have everyone a troll/human hybrid (with a pinch of cherub thrown in. XD)

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So. I said this was my feelgood fluffverse.

Which means that sometimes there needs to be a touch of sad feels to spice things up. :3 I can’t fix it if it ain’t broke enough! :D

2k words.

( He wonders how old they live to, those strange thin-skinned new beings to which he now belongs, how the sweeps of his own life translate. )

Contains: RP logs, annoying typing quirks, even more annoying cat puns (not enough of them somehow, if you figure out more feel free to share, i'll totes edit them in XD) and HORRID ROLEPLAYING. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'd be lying. >:33~

AC: :33 < *the curious kitty bats at the hissterious new scr33nname on her chumproll*
AC: >:OO < a copycat! *she says upawn finding her very own initials on it*
AC: >:EE < there can be only one olive ac kitty! *she hisses and circles the intruder*

( Read more... )

Guess who spent the last eight hours writing 14 pages of random new fic full of wish fulfilment. :D AND THEN DERAILED THE PROMPT AND MIGHT HAVE LANDED HERSELF WITH A NEW 'VERSE.

Kink meme prompt: kid/troll, walking in the sun
Once the game is over, and the kids and trolls (revivified and whatnot) are deposited onto the new planet they made, the trolls discover that here, on this new planet, the sunlight doesn't kill them. They can walk it in completely fine, just like Kanaya can, and they individually learn to leave soaking in the sun's warmth in different ways. Doesn't have to be shippy, but I do love kids/patron trolls interactions if you do.

Bonus points: Because sunlight = death for most of the troll's civilization, they're at first extremely weirded out by how much humans enjoy being in it

Bonus, Bonus points: Trolls turn a funny color when they tan. (maybe they turn their blood color?)
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And it said "revivified" so I revivified EVERYONE. yes even the Ancestors. :D :D :D.

... And then I went ahead and added merged Human/Troll species because WHY THE HECK NOT. :DDDDDDD

Characters: Karkat, Signless/Sufferer, Dave, Jade. No pairings but Dave blackflirts like he's trying to give Karkat the most embarrassing hateboner there ever was, who knows if he means it. XD

( You don't know half of these assholes (except you recognize them anyway.) )