Life and Times of Teh Asuka

second half is still halfway written. this is still a pretty nice chunk of fic, about 14k.

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John reached the hangars at a dead run. Marcia was waiting with a pickup truck; he jumped on the open back and she floored the gas. He held onto the roof as she drove through piles of crates and past hurriedly backing off mechanics, riding the bumps and swerves.

"Flight suit!" she snapped, and grabbed a bundle of cloth on the seat beside her to push it through the cab's back window at John. He stuck it under his arm just as she swerved right, almost flinging him off, and then suddenly they were pacing Warhammer's immense, prone shape as it was moved onto rails toward the launch shuttle.

John didn't have time to put his flight suit on. He stuck a corner of it between his teeth, climbed onto the cab's roof; Marcia matched her speed to the flatcar and John jumped to Warhammer's wrist. He was running up the slope of its arm in the next second.

The rails made the whole frame vibrate, but not too badly. John threw himself in a controlled slide along his mech's chest plate, slapped a hand down on the cockpit door lock, and let himself fall backward through the opening, spine first into his seat.

Oof. ( Read more... )

For a too-long moment you're struck completely dumb. You kneel there like a tool with a cat on your shoulder and a cat on your head as gunshots keep cracking on the deck above.

Running steps, several, heavy, and you can't really tell but you can tell anyway, they're not any of yours.

Steps on the stairs. You throw yourself back into the laundry room, your hand up to keep Gcat from falling. He slips anyway to become your new kitty hat, his paws on your shades knocking them askew and those are automatic guns outside so you captchalogue them, hat-cat and ear-warmer-cat both. (You tag them FELINE OVERLORDS for sylladex indexing purposes.) You just, nowhere fuckin' else to put them and ooooh fuck, where are you supposed to hide in here, the light's still on. You slap it off but the corridor still has little lights on so you can't come out, and then you hear them, one person, two.

( Read more... )

Anonymous asked you:
Feferi and Jane, speculating if (... cut for spoilers :3)


-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] ! --

CC: )(ey t)(ere, lifesister! 38D
GG: Hello. Feferi, right? With the color of your text it has to be a Peixes, but I doubt the Condesce would be so happy to see me.
GG: I deduce with my highly trained detective's mind that you need something from me.
CC: )(--EY! T)(at's reely mean, I could just want to carp a bit.
CC: I know we )(aven't glubbed muc)( so far but t)(ere's no reason not to start now, rig)(t?
GG: You could, but you aren't, are you? :B
CC: 38X Wow, )(ars)(. You're so mean.
CC: T)(e meena)(est.
GG: Oh, that one was bad. Also, not a fish pun!
CC: Water else could be more nautically t)(emed t)(an a fis)( troll w)(o's been s)(arking around for t)(ousands of sweeps, I will ask you.
GG: Pretty much nothing. Very well, pun accepted.
( Read more... )

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thingsareswinging replied to your post:
Dave & Signless, discussing karkat

Daikonpan asked you:
SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN CONDOMS TO THE FORMER TROLLS. Possibly Jade. I would trust Jade to give sex ed.


-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling cardinalGallivant [CG] ! --

TG: so hey dude
TG: i figure youre just about the coolest adult extroll so far and also the most likely to not go all tightnooked with offense and also by now youd have found a solution to keep from oopsing again and also itll piss off karkat hardcore ifwhen he figures out i asked you
TG: not that this is in any way related to him or anyone either of us know
CG: NATURALLY not. (:B
CG: I TAKE IT you have a Question of a ... somewhat Delicate nature?
TG: yeah lets call it that why the hell not
( Read more... )

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stheere asked you:
Um um DIRK AND NEPETA talking about Equius. =3
(this follow the kiss meme's dirk/equ date.)

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling timaeusTestified [TT] ! --

AC: :33 < *the cave lioness pounces from the bushes and tackles her prey to the ground!!*
AC: :33 < *today she doesn't care about godmodding one bit! she plants her claws in her prey's hide, and leans furry close, and growls all low and scary*
AC: >:00 < what are your intentions toward my meowrail??? >:00
TT: Huh.
TT: The stallion is brought to the ground by the lioness' startling and not godmoddey at all pounce, and whinnies sadly because his mouth is not formed ideally for speech.
TT: Thankfully he also has access to kicking rad shades to type messages with, because his hooves would make a mess of a keyboard.
( Read more... )

In the last week John had started collecting objects he could afford to see brutally destroyed. Not for Karkat's weirdo nest, but to throw over the foot of his bed and wake him up when he was in the middle of a nightmare, before morning-zombie Dave decided to stumble out of bed and wake the alien up his own special way. They did not have enough towels on the whole island to sponge up that much blood.

(John had made the mistake of lobbing his own pillow exactly once. Jake and Dirk were still finding bits and pieces of memory foam in their sheets four days later.)

( Read more... )

WHO WANTS NINETEEN PAGES OF SOLLUXNESS.

Last time I ever write that asshole. By the way. This thing was supposed to be a quick prologue to some other shit entirely and then he just kept babbling, and I don’t even think my grasp on him is all that good. Bluh.

This fic slots right during/after the first two Karkat and Signless-centric fics in the series, where they’ve just emerged into the new world, almost everyone is still in the cave, and over half of them are asleep.

Contains: Sollux <3< Roxy, Sollux <3 Feferi, Signless/Psii, the Life girls duking it out, and a chatlog.
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With half of everybody still asleep or so groggy they might as well be, Feferi busy sitting vigil by her horrorterror of an Ancestress, thankfully still conked out, Terezi chatting up a storm with her own, Karkat having fucked off for parts unknown, and no internet connection...

You'd be bored enough to cry like a little bitch without Roxy. Maybe enough to blast a second tunnel to the surface with your brain. Either/or. (Then again, after that you'd be outside but apparently outside there's plants and nature and shit. Nope.jpg.) When Roxy's awake, though, it's hard to remember that the walls are boring and rocky and the floor is hard and rocky and you are surrounded by boring hard rock and slumbering assholes and just about nothing else.

When she's awake you're too busy wanting to slap her across the snout. Only that'd be way too cheap.

"Choke on my hot long self-replicating worm, you script kiddie!"

"Iyaan, Solly-baby, what is this, it's too big, it'll never fit -- whoops I chomped it in half with my rad as hell firebirdwall. Hi there, nice files you have in that li'l folder!"

"Yeah, have fun with my dummy session while I slide all nice and tight in your backdoor--"

"You guys are the filthiest," says that other human girl, the short-and-round cerulean. ( She adds a sadly disappointed shake of her head... )

>__>; So yeah I have a kiss meme going on. If you guys want to give me more prompts go ahead right here in the comments, you know the drill, give me two or three characters, one or two words of prompt (settings and moods work best, poetic and metaphysical least), and i make no promises there'll be an end result but we never know. I wrote 8000 words yesterday in under seven hours, shit was bananas.

For reference, this is the (incomplete but) Sunlightverse shipping grid, but you don't have to only prompt pairings that are already on that, I'm also fine with one night stands, cursed mistletoes and oops i slipped and fell on your mouth.

Some of those ficlets are considered canon, some of them not, and some I will have to decide later. Dirk/Equius, Nepeta/Eridan and Psii/Condie are canon for sure.

Anonymous asked you:
Dadbert and the children. kissing booboos (or dad/GH lol how would that make any sense GH does not scrape his knees)

(alas the GH one would have been hilarious. Couldn't figure it out though.)
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( 'Did I... ever do that?' his/not-his father asks, voice gentle and oddly rough, and leans in over his scraped elbow. )

azzandra asked you:
Dirk/Equius, 100d public kissyface.

--
( They are redesigning a water pump.  )

vehrec asked you:
Psi/Condy, awkward black romance failure.

( 'I don't belong to you,' he says, 'not anymore, I won't, ever.' )

Adi:
eridan<3<nepeta: hunter or the hunted?

( There's white sugar and black-kittied tea kettles everyfuckingwhere in this blighted place. Eridan lands, scowling already, and sure enough he gets sugar in his shoes in the very next second. )

theunvanquishedzims asked you:
Summoner<>Tavros<3<Dave, slam battle.

( 'I'm, uh, perhaps in the process of, you know, rethinking this' )


Anonymous asked you:
For the kiss meme - maybe Condesce kisses Karkat to sort out her red feels? It beats listening to Kurloz whine again about not getting any. (Karkat: oh god empress is kissing, why is everyone kissing me, halp)

( 'Come here, buoy.' )

I am officially persuaded that ths fic is voodoo. I can't stop writing it. It's going by SO FAST. The fuck is going on.

Characters/Pairings: John Egbert/Karkat Vantas, Alpha and Beta kids.
Contains: Discussions of potential rape & skeeviness, culture clashes, prisoner of war stuff, creepy bioware, xeno shenanigans.
Summary: Basically I threw Gundam and Evangelion in a blender and poured the resulting coat of gross paint onto Homestuck characters. Wooo. Or, John Egbert Is A Teenage PseudoGundam Pilot Out To Save The World, Karkat Vantas Is An Evil Conquering Alien From Space, They Eventually Make Out.

( John woke up the next morning via a kick to the face. )