askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
"You know, you guys could have been ordered off the field entirely!"

Dave dislikes Roxy immensely right now.

There she is, sitting on the low windowsill of what used to be a hairdresser's shop window, wearing that stupid Venice mask with the feather and swinging her legs. The thing is violently pink and sequined, catches every ray of light that manages to pierce the grime. Dave keeps losing track of her every time she stops talking.

Dave makes sure his tush is extra-cocooned in this here creaky old chair, and tries not to think about the old crusted-dry gunk marking the edges of the hair-washing basin he's propping his head against.

"We could have been ordered to be goddamn useful, too," Karkat replies before Dave can. "Not that I mind being hidden away and doled out penny by penny like the peerless treasure I fucking am, but if we're that precious, the fuck kind of sense does it make only having the two of you as guards?"

"All the sense in the world!" Roxy replies -- huh, she's still in the same spot. The feather wobbles with her nodding, the tip almost two feet over her actual head. "I got Horuss to make sure no one finds y'all..."

"And I've got my good old buddy Eridan to shoot anyone who finds you anyway full of holes!" Jake continues for her. They both turn from the window to grin.

"And if they're not dead when Jakey and Eri are done with them, I've also got Equius to beat them into the ground. Tadah."

Karkat stares at them, and then turns to stare across the dusty floor at Dave to share his total absence of admiration.

"And the brass don't have more people to spare for us," Dave finishes cynically. Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
In Which A Secret Mutantblood Unknowingly Picks Up A Member Of The Nobility In A Bar Of Ill-Repute, After Which They Proceed To Have Sex, Fall Asleep, Then Have Sex Again While The Mutant Desperately Tries To Hide His Blood Color And Not Laugh At The Blueblood's Deplorable Jokes. Contains References To Ashen Pornography, A Somewhat Pitiable Inability To Handle The Gloriousness Of War, And Mentions Of Conciliatory Perversions Unsuitable For Trolls Aged Eight Or Under.

((btw I’m going with indigo-Equius, purple-Gamzee, violet-Eridan.))


"Dude," someone mutters against his neck. "Dude, your communicator is beeping."

Karkat blinks away the afterimage of his dreams -- some boring cliché horsebeastshit about wading through a mess of alien larvae during a mission. It's dark in the recuperacoon, but a faint greenish glow comes from outside.

The slime isn't great, but better than they get in the barracks; it would be easy to sink back into its embrace...

He doesn't care about the dream (terrified pupae, gore squelching under the tread of his combat boots) and he does vaguely want to find out if the other troll pressed against his side would let him sink into his arms again (maybe his nook, even, shit, that part of yesterday was good.) Hey, the guy didn't steal Karkat's wallet or cull him during the day, Karkat likes his odds.

"Dude," the man mumbles, eyes entirely closed, and disappears under the surface with a quiet glop. His horns emerge from the orange up, two windswept, rolling curves that Karkat is almost (vaguely, entirely) sure he had his hands on at some point...

Karkat grabs the edge with both hands and fits his feet in the holds and executes a smooth-as-hell roll through the round opening.

(He lands on his heels and stumbles back, but the wall of the recuperacoon breaks his fall before he can get very far.)

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
"Wakey, wakey, Lord Lazybones the Sleeps-A-Lot!"

Dave comes to already knowing he doesn't want to move. He has it confirmed when he bats his eyes open and his cheekbone twinges, and then again when he tries to lift a hand to push John off him. The jerk is looming over him and grinning with far too many teeth for this hour of the -- oh hey, it's noon.

Dave lets his arm flop down on the mattress. Yeah, abort this shit, all his muscles went so crazy tense yesterday to keep from being strangled and smothered, he's sore even in the places he didn't get hit. He is going right back to sleep.

"G'off, Egbutt," he grumbles, "this princess don't need kissed."

John chuckles and leans closer in. "What pretty eyes you have, your majesty."

Wh -- fuck, where are his shades. He forces his protesting arm to feel around for the nightstand, finds it, doesn't find his shades...

... Ooooh, hell. He slumps back, tries to merge with the bed, eyes scrunching closed. He was home yesterday, he wasn't wearing them.

Thank fuck for that, because wearing them at night on that roof might have gotten him killed for real.


Dave cracks an eye open to glare. John and his giant teeth are about two inches from his face.

It's pretty hard to miss the way his expression goes from teasing to a mild, baffled quirk of the brow.

"Dave? Look at me, buddy?"

Aw, fuck. Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
It's not a bad explosion, as those things get. Blows the shit out of his hinges, and makes the decorative door panels shudder and fall out of alignment like a linebacker rammed them, but it's a foot that finishes the job of knocking the door down.

His gun is -- stupidly -- all the way downstairs in the gun safe by the door. It's out of reach the second the first man rushes through -- a huge wall of a man, square and meaty -- and then the second man comes in on his heels and Dave gives it up for lost.

Under him on the main floor Karkat starts snarling, steps forward to meet the threat, but there's a machine gun in the first man's hands and Dave can see nothing but the confettied mess it would make of his non-shelled face.

"Get out of here!" he yells, and shoves the half-open windowpane out of his way and swings himself out and onto the ancient straight ladder bolted to the outside wall.

Two men on the fire escape's last landing, just under him; he hears glass breaking. One of them looks up, gun up --

Aradia rushes through him with barely a thought; the gun jams, trigger frozen in time. Dave beats Olympic records of ladder-climbing.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
There's no way it's going to fit on either dreamwidth or LJ -- okay, maybe DW, but god do I not want to redo the coding right now. Maybe later. In the meantime here it is:

"Locked in," John confirmed. "All green." At least all the necessary crap for shuttle-assisted flight.

"Warhammer, prepare for launch in five, four, three…"

They were skipping a dozen steps at least. No preflight check. The hangar guys had probably done one in the hangar while someone was summoning Jake; it still wasn’t supposed to be enough.

(Excalibur was giving no pilot response. Echidna and Masamune were dead in space.)

All the pilot survival stuff like oxygen and heat checked out. He would just wing the rest.

"… one, ignition.”

The rocket roared, sound muted by Warhammer’s seals, so that John knew more by vibration than noise. A half-second later he didn’t need to feel vibrations; he felt the kick in his chest, in his neck, where for a moment it seemed he had left his organs behind, down under.

He went through his instrument checkup routine, now that it was too late to stop.

chapter 8
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Two sequels to By The Letter (of the law)

Anonymous said: Dorky Knights, a couple (two??) months later, trying to make out during some free time but their mounts won't leave them alone. Bad Crow.

The good thing about being a knight lawfully wedded to another knight is that he’s always got a partner. Especially because of the political angle to being a Dersite and a Prospitian, or a troll and a human — they get lots of peacekeeping assignments, not to the level of leading war parties but sort of pre-diplomacy. Diplomacy with teeth. Flattening the ground for the real diplomacy parties — and sometimes it turns out the problem can be resolved with a good talking-to, no need to bring in his hell-sister and turn everyone inside out.

Metaphorically speaking. Most of the time. But anyway.

Read more... )

Anonymous said: By the Letter (of the law), five years later


They don't really bother with court much. Karkat didn't enjoy Prospit's court already; Derse's makes him twice as happy that he's got disputes to slap down, speeches of friendship and country-wide news to deliver, and town-to-town enmities to mediate and scratch his ashen itch on. Even if he hated his current life he would hate it less than Derse's court.

The Empresses requested their presence, though, and he's good at hating things he's got to deal with anyways.

Case in point. "Dave I swear to all that is holy if you molest my gloves again I will slap you in the face with them."


"In a really not sexy way."


Karkat clears his throat and looks away from Dave's pouting lips. "You made us late enough with the boots, let's go already." He can still feel Dave's warm hands 'helping you tuck your pants in those stupid boots properly' all over his thighs.

He tucks Dave's arm in his and hauls him out of the door.

"Do you even like that kind of pain?" he grumbles -- quietly so the servants won't catch that they're discussing their sex life in public corridors once again.

"Face-slapping? Eh." Dave purses his lips. Karkat tears his eyes away. "I'd totally tolerate it if it made your clothes fall back off. They're so pretty, they'd probably make you look twice as good naked."

Karkat rolls his eyes, and vows to work twice as hard not to let on that the stupidly fancy court clothes Dave's brother sent them to wear are stiff and scratchy and ridiculously attention-grabbing, and make him miss his traveling leathers already. The lengths one will go to in order to please their matesprit, seriously.Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
This one's got hella porn. w00t w00t.


Dave Strider @turntechgodhead
#springcleaning yo peeps who wanna feast their eyes on this choice domestic babe in an apron and authentic feather duster http://...

Dave snaps another pouty picture, uploads it, then puts the phone down for five minutes so he can finish dusting his vinyl records shelf.

He is totally wearing an apron. The feather duster is synthetic though. Neon green. Hey, it was cheap.

It's a nice afternoon outside; all his windows are open wide to let in a breeze, though since they're all facing the same side of the building he'd only get a real one going if he opened the front door too.

Then again there's a lot of loose paper he hasn't put away yet, so he probably shouldn't.

Wow, what a perfect time to check his phone again.

@turntechgodhead LOSE THE SHIRT YEEEHAW
man ur cute @turntechgodhead
@turntechgodhead #gayyyyyyyyyyyyy
@turntechgodhead ok good now the same in NOTHING but an apron ;3
@turntechgodhead Where's Karkat???

Yeah, ever since Karkat's follower count passed his, he's been getting followers through him, but they're here mostly for more domestic demon shenanigans. Pssh. What about following Dave for Dave? Posers. Noobs.

He snaps a picture of Karkat sitting up on the window seat gazing at the sky and scratching idly at the tendon bits under his knee spur, and attaches it to his reply.

#fuckyeahpetdemon guess whos slacking while others toil endlessly to render his living arrangements as dust free as humanly possible http://...

Fifteen seconds later he's getting pinged back.


@cruorGuardian touch my jar collection and you will be its replacement

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
"Is that a house, or a castle?"

Dave snorts as he gets out of the car. "Castles are prettier. This is a pile of giant cement pizza boxes, dude." The pile isn't even straight and even, there are corners sticking our everywhere.

Dirk doesn't crack a smile or even indicate that he heard as he extracts himself from the passenger's seat, even though he was the one who first made that comparison, ten or fifteen years ago. He's been monosyllabic ever since they picked him up for mandatory Strilonde Bonding Time on pain of Aunt Romy.

Crouched beside Dave on the driveway, Karkat is still staring up doubtfully.

"Besides," Dave continues, "it's not that big, just kinda sprawly."

"There's a tower."

"It's an observatory!" Roxy calls out from the other side of the bridge, and waves. Dave vaguely wonders how she heard them so well, with the little running stream between them and the waterfall just behind the corner where she's standing, but he sticks his hands in his pockets and follows Dirk.

"Oh, an observatory!" Karkat replies, sarcastic, as he makes his cautious way across. "Whew. Totally different! Especially the pompous levels."

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
zahhaked asked: "Latula/Mituna, first time after MT's accident (doesn't necessarily have to have "successful")"

No on-screen sex but they're still talking and thinking about it in pretty detailed ways. so, let's go with R. 640 words.


The third time he elbows her in the face is also the hardest. She doesn't manage to laugh it off in time, and his face twists and he flings himself off her so hard he slips over the edge of the bed. He thumps to the ground in a meaty, resonant way that makes her think he landed smack on his chest. She hurries to the end of the mattress, a hand on her face -- yeah, there'll be a hella nice black eye there in another half hour.

"MT? Mituna, honey--"

He contorts on the floor like a cut worm so he can look up at her, and she can feel her bulge retract. He's about to cry, eyes overbright.

"I'm so sorry, I'm a bulge, not even a bulge, bulges are cool as fuckhell, shit, shit--"

If she lets him keep yelling at himself he will be calling himself names and then he'll be depressed for days, and then she won't get laid. She doesn't even think before she rolls over the edge and lands on him.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
second half is still halfway written. this is still a pretty nice chunk of fic, about 14k.


John reached the hangars at a dead run. Marcia was waiting with a pickup truck; he jumped on the open back and she floored the gas. He held onto the roof as she drove through piles of crates and past hurriedly backing off mechanics, riding the bumps and swerves.

"Flight suit!" she snapped, and grabbed a bundle of cloth on the seat beside her to push it through the cab's back window at John. He stuck it under his arm just as she swerved right, almost flinging him off, and then suddenly they were pacing Warhammer's immense, prone shape as it was moved onto rails toward the launch shuttle.

John didn't have time to put his flight suit on. He stuck a corner of it between his teeth, climbed onto the cab's roof; Marcia matched her speed to the flatcar and John jumped to Warhammer's wrist. He was running up the slope of its arm in the next second.

The rails made the whole frame vibrate, but not too badly. John threw himself in a controlled slide along his mech's chest plate, slapped a hand down on the cockpit door lock, and let himself fall backward through the opening, spine first into his seat.

Oof. Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)

yeah ok. u.u

This is intended to be consensual. It's still emotionally taxing.


You can't control your lungs. It's ridiculous, this is just a bit of rope, you could bite or claw through it if you tried hard enough (no you couldn't, he's too good at this.) Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Contains Pail-Free Xenosexual Relationships Between a Male Mutant Troll and Male Human for the Purpose of Exhibitionistic Sexual Gratification, Polyquadranted Individuals Presented in a Neutral or Positive Way, and Puppets Used in Several Perverted Ways, One of Those Puppets Depicting a Rad as Fuck Big-Nosed Allusion to Our Glorious Empress, Which She in Her Wisdom Has Allowed to Keep Existing Because Damn Straig)(t I Got Da Biggest One.

*eyes fic*

... Eh, I've written pornier.

I'm sure. Somewhere.

novidactyl asked: 1. Bro/Signless (my rarepair♥) 2.Flush 3.Pornstar AU w/ smuppets for Bro's website (humanstuck or normal species are both fantastic)

"And really, in the digital age, with shit like tumblr and reddit around, what's going to touch the most people, boring long-ass sermons, or streaming free porn clips that fuck with hemocastist expectations and contain gleeful and unapologetic quadrant-smearing?"

On the other side of his bed, unzipping his pants, Signless laughed quietly. "Bro, I've already agreed to film this movie with you."

Bro shrugged, nodded, kept ogling. The guy's pants would be hilarious if he didn't fill them so well. Bro was also a fan of the zipper being placed on the side, from under the arm to the hip; the way it unveiled him as the cloth fell away was especially interesting.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
hibernatingsunflower asked: flush Karkat/Terezi God tier pajama kink?

R/NC17? It's not detailed porn, but yeah.


You squeak when she's suddenly under your cape with her arms going around your ribs to inappropriately fondle your pectorals. You'd pretend you didn't, but for once she doesn't laugh at you, so you bite down on your instant denial and just frown in confusion at what you can see of her.

In other words, her hands half-hidden under the toothy front end of your cape.

She's groping at your heaving almost-absence of rumble spheres. Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Anonymous asked: Kankri/Karkat, pale, first time pile? (Or losing his pale virginity in an unusual place because he needs to SHOOSH NOW, YOU IDIOT)

Dubcon/Noncon moirallegiance, Alternia.


The only thing that saves them is that even in the throes of berserk rage Kankri has no clue how to fight.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Dave deliberately left the drapes open, but Karkat is stubborn, and also Dave's comforter is thick enough to block a lot of light; when Dave starts hearing movement up there it's about eleven in the morning.

"If you're gonna hurl, use the trash can to your left," he calls up to the mezzanine, lazily scrolling down a news article on his laptop.

No answer. Movement ceases. Hm, maybe he wasn't fully awake yet.

Only that does sound a lot like mice, or maybe like Karkat's claws skittering lightly along the wooden floor as he feels around blind.

"Water bottle to your right," Dave adds, eyes on his screen. Oh hey, this article looks funny. Click, into another tab it goes.

Still no answer. Hmm. Maybe he's fallen back asleep and the odd quality to the silence is all in Dave's head.

It legit me-certified ain't, Latula says, and grins with his mouth. He gives her a quiet chuckle.
Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Anonymous asked: Kanaya/Byrd, pleasantly buzzed and/or festive, on Hellmurder island.

(this is Crash Standing-verse but idk if it's canon for the verse or not.)

960 words.


"Byrd," she says with even more careful enunciation than usual, and that's how you know she's kind of drunk. "I do not wish to impugn on your transcendental broship with John."

She looks all challenging yet dignified, like she said something especially noble or important. You nod patiently, and pat the wooden log you're sitting on, your beer bottle trapped between your knees. Mighty useful as grabbing limbs, those knees, you'd never have found out without losing your hand and she would have tripped and gone down from you not being free to catch her and help her down.

That or she would have gotten a boobful of beer. You're not sure which would be considered worse.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
In Which Byrd Sprite Strider Chats in Logs, Fulfills Some Shipping Charts, and Discovers the Joys of Twincest (Not Really.) Not Suitable to Trolls of Seven Sweeps of Under for a Somewhat Libertine Approach to Feelings Jams.


TA: yeah your human poliice and mediiterrorii2t2 have them iin 2ome buiildiing2. but the healthy one2 are 2uppo2ed to be relea2ed 2oonii2h.
TA: 2orry ii can't explaiin iit better, your legale2e ii2 even more annoyiing than our2.
TA: ii feel 2o fuckiing 2tupiid not beiing able to par2e that 2hiit, god. iit'2 not even liike iit'2 anythiing compliicated!!
GT: Shoosh shoosh my good man! Your brain is still stupendous amounts of brilliant even at its most rambunctious!
GT: Why if being unable to parse these makes you a fool then what am i right? Haha.
TG: you shooshin him now wow what does aradia think of this
TA: thiink2 iit2 fuckiing hiilariiou2 that of all thiing2 to piick up from her he cho2e that one of fuckiing cour2e. ii mean iit2 AA, what el2e?
GT: Why what is wrong with wishing to soothe my good pal sollux in the quaint and friendly manner of his people???
TG: nothing buddy
TG: yeah absolutely nothing
TG: mentioning this for no reason at all but its amazing how you can really feel karkats absence in this chatroom somehow
Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
For a too-long moment you're struck completely dumb. You kneel there like a tool with a cat on your shoulder and a cat on your head as gunshots keep cracking on the deck above.

Running steps, several, heavy, and you can't really tell but you can tell anyway, they're not any of yours.

Steps on the stairs. You throw yourself back into the laundry room, your hand up to keep Gcat from falling. He slips anyway to become your new kitty hat, his paws on your shades knocking them askew and those are automatic guns outside so you captchalogue them, hat-cat and ear-warmer-cat both. (You tag them FELINE OVERLORDS for sylladex indexing purposes.) You just, nowhere fuckin' else to put them and ooooh fuck, where are you supposed to hide in here, the light's still on. You slap it off but the corridor still has little lights on so you can't come out, and then you hear them, one person, two.

Read more... )
askerian: (demongirl_boobwave blahblahblah)
last and worst for the day! XDDD

Anonymous asked: Dave/Naruto, hooking up at a house party (papabrostrider is to blame for this one)

dear lord why does it work.

840 words.


It's not like it's rare at his gigs for someone to sidle up to the booth and go, "Hey! Nice music!", grinning and interested.

"If you're hitting on me, queue's on your left," Dave replies, and then he looks.

The man has nice arms. Solid shoulders, strong biceps. Baby face still, baby-blue eyes in the white strobe lights and friendly dimples. Someone got him with funny cat-whiskers paint that's just subtle enough to tickle Dave's funny bone, but with a body like that he's got to be at least twenty.

"What, no!!" The man blushes so hard Dave can see his face darken even through the flashing lighting and dim of the dance floor. He actually honest-to-God flails his hands, what a dork. "I just -- argh, and you know that, don't you?" he finishes with an accusatory glare.

Dave gives him a faint smirk. "Maybe I do." Dave doesn't usually like them blond -- he's blond enough for two, contrast is nice -- but he does like them buff. (If he wants thin and pretty he'll usually just go for a girl, unless the guy is, like, hella pretty.) He nods toward the guy's white T-shirt, stuck to his abs with a large splash of probably someone's drink. "Nice ink."

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
sionnachsskulk asked: Equius♣Vriska♣Tavros, first official date, mood: awkward/flirty



"For the last time, cease hitting yourself," Equius said sternly, and left the remote engaged for another two seconds before Vriska surrendered with a groan. Equius inspected her face with a glance; her dead eye now had a bruised cheekbone to go with, but he suspected she would only see it as a "badass enhancer" if he pointed it out, or at least irritatingly pretend she did. Anyways as long as she wasn't bleeding offering her healing cream might nudge a bit close to pale territory.

Sitting on the other operation table, Tavros had a hand on his mouth and his ridiculously powerful shoulders were shaking visibly. Which wouldn't have been an issue, except that Vriska was starting to glare again, and she would become unmanageable if she suspected him of bias.

"Was there something funny, lowblood."

"Um, no? I'm, uh. Muscle spasms." He grinned guilelessly. Read more... )


askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)

October 2017




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