askerian | Recent Entries

Characters: Ivan, Miles. No pairing.
Words: 2800
Notes: Written for the Psychic Wolves for Lupercalia challenge. An alternate universe based on A Companion to Wolves; take canon warrior culture, add semi-sentient telepathic wolves, shake, stir.
Summary: Miles is crazy about becoming a wolfbrother. Ivan, not so much.
Excerpt:

The second his mutie freak of a cousin was unilaterally uninvited from visiting the cubs, things were going to explode -- noisily, hostilely, and all over the place -- and if there was one place *ever* where Ivan did not want explosions, it was in a closed room with a nursing she-wolf.

"Paddy" on AO3.

Anonymous asked you:
Feferi and Jane, speculating if (... cut for spoilers :3)

-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] ! --

CC: )(ey t)(ere, lifesister! 38D
GG: Hello. Feferi, right? With the color of your text it has to be a Peixes, but I doubt the Condesce would be so happy to see me.
GG: I deduce with my highly trained detective's mind that you need something from me.
CC: )(--EY! T)(at's reely mean, I could just want to carp a bit.
CC: I know we )(aven't glubbed muc)( so far but t)(ere's no reason not to start now, rig)(t?
GG: You could, but you aren't, are you? :B
CC: 38X Wow, )(ars)(. You're so mean.
CC: T)(e meena)(est.
GG: Oh, that one was bad. Also, not a fish pun!
CC: Water else could be more nautically t)(emed t)(an a fis)( troll w)(o's been s)(arking around for t)(ousands of sweeps, I will ask you.
GG: Pretty much nothing. Very well, pun accepted.
( Read more... )

----

thingsareswinging replied to your post:
Dave & Signless, discussing karkat

Daikonpan asked you:
SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN CONDOMS TO THE FORMER TROLLS. Possibly Jade. I would trust Jade to give sex ed.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling cardinalGallivant [CG] ! --

TG: so hey dude
TG: i figure youre just about the coolest adult extroll so far and also the most likely to not go all tightnooked with offense and also by now youd have found a solution to keep from oopsing again and also itll piss off karkat hardcore ifwhen he figures out i asked you
TG: not that this is in any way related to him or anyone either of us know
CG: NATURALLY not. (:B
CG: I TAKE IT you have a Question of a ... somewhat Delicate nature?
TG: yeah lets call it that why the hell not
( Read more... )

----

stheere asked you:
Um um DIRK AND NEPETA talking about Equius. =3
(this follow the kiss meme's dirk/equ date.)

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling timaeusTestified [TT] ! --

AC: :33 < *the cave lioness pounces from the bushes and tackles her prey to the ground!!*
AC: :33 < *today she doesn't care about godmodding one bit! she plants her claws in her prey's hide, and leans furry close, and growls all low and scary*
AC: >:00 < what are your intentions toward my meowrail??? >:00
TT: Huh.
TT: The stallion is brought to the ground by the lioness' startling and not godmoddey at all pounce, and whinnies sadly because his mouth is not formed ideally for speech.
TT: Thankfully he also has access to kicking rad shades to type messages with, because his hooves would make a mess of a keyboard.
( Read more... )

(not that this is the only chapter that contains porn, just that it's the only chapter that contains nothing but. reminder that this is xeno.)

--
Dave is in the process of cleaning after lunch (read: putting takeout boxes inside each other in order of size, with dirty paper napkins stuffed in the cracks) when his phone rings.

"Don't quit police work for journalism," is the first thing his brother tells him.

"Wow, I love you too, Dirkiepoo. My article on the buying habits of demons in grocery stores was a success and everyone knows it."

Karkat looks up at hearing the word; Dave shrugs at him. His demon is elbow-blade-deep in a marshmallow bag. It's already half empty. On second thought perhaps Dave shouldn't have let him choose the one he wanted.

"We got complaints from the vendor, you scared his other customers off."

"Pff, he'll sing another tune when everyone wants to buy shit from his store because it was once patroned by the illustrious Karkat Vantas. Also I asked him if it was okay before coming in and he said yes, so hey, it's all on him."

"You said 'service animal', you asshole," Karkat says, loud enough for the phone to pick up. Dirk scoffs. "You said, 'hello, Detective Strider, do you mind if I come in with my service animal, don't want to leave him in the street.' I should have chosen a bigger bag."

"There was no bigger, Jesus, Karkat, you could stuff your head in that and still have room for a shoulder. Anyway, Dirk, what do you want, answer is no, I'm on leave. Captain said so, you can't make me."

( Read more... )

(any urls in text are not real urls. :p)

--

Day two of his leave. Dave is making a list.

1. anything with sugar in it (confirmed)
2. having his hair/skull petted (confirmed)
3. beating up people (might be more mental than physical but)
4. lounging in sunbeams (joint: photographic evidence)
5. a good breeze (should have opened the windows to clear the air before today meh whatevs)

It's a list of all the physical things Karkat enjoys. Kinda sparse. Dave is now noting down hypotheses, things to try out if he gets a chance.

6. chin scratches ??
7. making out ????? (fuckin' hope)

He's sitting on the wide window ledge of the main room, downstairs. Karkat is once again on the mezzanine, propped up on that windowsill. He's watching the sky, nubwings twitching and tilting with the faintest touch of breeze.

~~8. flying ? (shit good luck w/ that one)~~
8. stretching ?
9. wing membranes petted ? (light touch theyre hella thin)
~~10. sex ha ha i kid fffff~~

( Read more... )

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

51 224 WORDS.

*rolls and rolls and rolls forever*

:D

POSTED
-Midnight on the Demon patrol chapters 1 to 8 (davekat urban fantasy AU) (32 194 words) (!!!!!)
-Crash Standing chapter 9 (byrdkat) (5 290 words)
-Battlefield Terra silly noncanon pesterlog sidefic (John&Jade) (568 words)
-Battlefield Terra silly noncanon kisstastic sidefic (John/Karkat) (1 667 words)
-Plant a Flag, Plant a Tree (Dave/Karkat Dom/sub anal xeno porn woo.) (2 959 words) (whoops forgot to put it on journals. doin that straight afterwards!!)

WORKS IN PROGRESS
-Battlefield Terra chapter 7 (1 080 words)
-Miles Vorkosigan: Ivan & Paddy for the Psychic Wolves for Lupercalia challenge (2 816 words)
-Midnight on the Demon Patrol chapter 9 (4 650 words)

Okay so this month it was mostly demon things. XD; NOT SORRY BUARHARHAR. There's still around 14k of other works. Not bad!

( teasers thataway... )

The first coherent thought Dave has upon waking up is fuck yeah three days' leave, so he goes straight back to sleep.

The second coherent thought he has, about a hour later, is shit want to pee don't want to brave the ladder dilemma.

The third is old soda bottle in the corner? And the fourth is Rose will know somehow, I'll never live it down.

At any rate, he is awake. He cracks open his eyes, gazes at the slanted ceiling, stretches his legs. Shit yeah futon. Missed you, buddy. His back hardly hurts today.

Of course he kind of hurts everywhere else. But it's a low-grade, stealthy kind of soreness. He figures so long as he doesn't move an inch it'll have no reason to get worse. Maybe he can get Karkat to fetch stuff for him.

Something is breathing nearby.

( Read more... )

When the patrol car arrives at the scene Karkat is still licking frosting off his fingers. He radiates smug; getting two cupcakes when he was promised one was apparently enough to distract him from his hatred of cars.

Also enough to comfort his feeling that Dave is a chump. But that's par for the course.( Read more... )

Captain Egbert and Arne Revere, the City Attorney, are already here, and so is Rose; Dave leans in to shake hands and drags a chair out for himself, and then John bursts in last.

"Very good," Captain Egbert says. "Close the door, Detective."

It always amuses Dave that half the time Egbert Senior's detectives are "son" but his actual son never, lest someone accuse him of favoritism. Then again it's already pretty iffy that he has his son under his direct command, it's only because John's a summoner and they only have one division for them that it's even allowed.

( Read more... )

pr0ns again!
---------

He has a headache when he wakes, which doesn't presage many good things for today. There's a few forks back on the floor, but half-heartedly. He eyes them from the couch and doesn't move. It's... Nine past nine and nine seconds, Aradia informs him. Okay, he's pretty sure she woke him up. She likes patterned numbers like that.

He bends at the waist, rummages under the couch, finds a candle in the offering box. There's a little shelf over the armrest where he put his head, usually for the TV remote. He puts the candle on it, looking at it upside-down. She's not asking him to do that, he's just refusing to sit up for real.

I don't mind, she tells him, soothing and amused. Time flows the same way upside-down!( Read more... )

this one's nsfw.

( Read more... )

Sunlight in his eyes. Dave throws an arm in front of his face.

Huh, he's still alive. Good to know there was no loophole in the contract. At least none he's tripped yet. Hurrah.

He almost goes back to sleep, but he can tell he's on the couch and the sun doesn't get to there until pretty late in the morning. Fuck.

"Karkat?" he mumbles as he sits up. His back aches like all motherfucks. "Where are you, budd-ow."

He flops back on the couch.

The space between the couch and the coffee table his feet were propped on is littered in forks, tines up.( Read more... )

PREPARE TO BE SPAMMED. i suck and didn't update the fic here, but i've kept on writing it and it's going pretty fast so far, so now i have about six parts to post. .____.

--

Inside the precinct there's a lot of sudden silence and staring when Dave comes down the stairs with Karkat in tow. The demon likes moving better on all fours, back legs folding and twitch-unfolding like a grasshopper's, and its claws clink loud on floor tiles.

"It's bound, seriously, guys, relax," he throws out there, and makes his way between partitioned desks, hands in his pockets. Karkat lets out a vibrating, crickety crackle-growl that manages both to be quiet and to carry to the ends of the room in a particularly hair-raising way.

"Maybe you could tell it not to freak out the officers," Jane whispers in his ear.

She's kidding, right? It's hilarious. "Nah, they need to steel their nerves." Out there there's loose Class Ones and Twos, bunches of criminals and lowlifes using the distraction of a demon apocalypse in progress to do their criminal thing, and criminals just plain going "hey why not" and using demons as anti-personnel weapons. There's a Don who reportedly has a Class Three at his beck and call, and it only charges a weekly street kid dinner to stay on retainer. "They'll thank us tomorrow."

Jane sighs. "I guess. At least Karkat is a vertebrate and doesn't make you feel like your eyes are about to pop like balloons trying to figure out its geometry."

Dave nods his commiseration. "Fucking six-dimensional demons, huh."

"Fucking human black hole brains," Karkat growls from down there. Dave snorts and holds the door to Captain Egbert's office open for it. It makes sure to walk close enough to rake its shoulder and wing spines nice and deep along the wood. Little brat.
( Read more... )

.___. CHECK PREVIOUS POST I DID NOT POST IT TO DW/LJ BEFORE WHOOPS.

--

“Crash Standing, Or, An Account Of The Post-Game Life of One Byrd Sprite Strider, Aged Sixteen” Presents:
a Succint Yet Accurate Summary in the Form of Haiku:
LO, THERE IT COMES BACK
INAPPROPRIATE BONER
FUCKHELL NOT AGAIN

--

Chapter 9

Flying by plane is just about the most boring thing you have ever experienced in your life, and considering you once spent three years of your life stuck on a ship surrounded by void, some more void on top, and a little more void in both front and back, that's saying something.

Granted, the ship was large. Granted, it was well-populated. Granted, your then-girlfriend could pop planets out of her pockets and send you a-questing whenever you got bored of the corridors.

It was still three years. Right now you've been on the plane four hours and you feel like you've entered Battleship: Year Four.

Your other self is the Dude of Time; you know from time shit. Someone is definitely messing the hell out of this flow. Goddamn US Airways.

( Read more... )

whoops i never posted that one there. SORRY D:

--
Chapter 8: Day thirteen

"Fuck's sake. Just go away, okay, I'll do it faster on my own."

For a second you're tempted to pick up the laptop you just dropped on the floor and throw it at Dave's head. Fuck him. It's not your fucking fault you were ... trying to move heavy, fragile technology one-handed. Okay, yes it is. But fuck him anyway. He's been a grumpy little shit ever since Bro woke you all up and you started gathering the crap not already boxed.

With the way he's not looking at Terezi, who's dismantling the sleeping pile into garbage chute-sized chunks in the corner, you can guess who he'd really like to be arguing with. You watch him pick up the laptop and check the case for damages, put it away in a box barely more gently than when you dropped it. Fuck him, it's your laptop, Bro got it for you.

"What?" he asks you, scowling. You turn away and walk out before any fists can be exchanged.

( Read more... )

Silly John&Jade pesterlog that I don't know whether it's actually canon for the fic, but it cracked me up, so here it is.

My sense of humor is very childish I know. .__.

(if the coding is wrong on livejournal, argh. it's fine on dreamwidth. D:)
-------

JH: he's managing okay though, right?
JD: john seriously i think after more than a week he knows how to take a shower without you!!!
JD: i promise i wont drown him even a little bit :pp
JH: well you'd have to sneak into his stall for that, and after how much he nagged me to shower on the girls' side today i think he might bite you first.
JH: but seriously wtf, i really didn't think it bothered him that much to shower on the guys' side.
JH: do you think he's like trans or something? oh no, i've been calling him by the wrong pronoun all along!
JH: her. i mean her.
JD: X'DDDD
JD: OR MAYBE HE WAS TIRED OF HAVING HIS BOY PARTS OGLED.
JH: goddamn it not you too!!!!! I'm so TIRED of this joke!
JD: ... :X
JD: i... meant... dirk...
JH: oh.
JH: wait, what, dirk ogles him in the shower?????? ( Read more... )

This is not canon! XD Someone prompted Noahh with BT - Pillowforts (which was already eeeee <3 anon) and then she drew a cute pic and then she complained that they hadn’t kissed yet.

This is so not canon for Battlefield Terra. But there are kisses in it. And enough fluff to choke a bull. If I wasn’t sleep-deprived to hell and back I would have imploded before delivering up that much cute, and even then there’s a lot of ridiculousness and stealth angst in it.

1700 words.

--

Karkat has been looking dangerously depressed the last couple of days. Not even manta rays and baby penguins bitchslapping each other into holes cheer him up anymore. He just stares into nothingness and sighs when John tries to prod him awake.

He won't put on the telepathic headset, either. Not even angrily, just a tired, don't bother wave of his hand.

The situation is pretty dire! (the situation is terrifying; what if he falls into a depression from being cut off from his friends and country with no hope of ever going back, what if he goes back to catatonia land. Those what ifs are too much. John is pretending very hard he can fix this.) (John has to fix this.)

Plan B is to sit on Karkat until he agrees to talk it out. Plan A is a little subtler.
(Not a LOT subtler, but.)

( Read more... )

A white wolf, a pink heart, and the text: Psychic Wolves for Lupercalia - A Multi-Fandom Mini-Fest, February Thirteenth through Fifteenth

Come write Psychic Wolves for Lupercalia - A Multi-Fandom Mini-Fest, February Thirteenth through Fifteenth!

Bluh. Why do none of my fandoms fit with telepathic wolves. I tried to come up with something for Stargate Atlantis but the only thing I managed to visualize was episode one with added wolfsister who is actually not quite John Sheppard's but used to be the sister of that guy he tried to rescue who died on him instead. And she changes NOTHING, which means this is not a good fic idea, and I don't want any longer, more divergent fic because, uh, because maybe it's a sign that I should update the Gundam Wing one I started last year faster instead. .__.;

But if someone wanted to write SGA/SG1 with wolves I would be so happy. SO. HAPPY. The happiest.

41 480 words.

that's almost a nanowrimo and i wasn't even trying gaiz. wow. wooowowowowowow.

POSTED
-Demon Summoner AU, davekat, 1/? (3 286 words)
-Battlefield Terra, johnkat, 6/? (7 581 words)
-Crash Standing, byrdkat, 5/? (NO words, was all written the prev. month!)
-Crash Standing, byrdkat, 6/? (2 996 words)
-Crash Standing, byrdkat, 7/? (4 482 words)
-Sunlightverse - Sollux fic (3 351 words)
-Sunlightverse - (Condesce&GH) Wherein Two Palemates Discuss A Potential Kismesis (2 373 words)
-Sunlightverse Kiss Meme - Various (Dad&John&Jane, DirkEq, CondiePsii, EriNep, SummTav, CondieKat (3 667 words)
-Sunlightverse Kiss Meme - Dave/Karkat porn (4 419 words)
-Sunlightverse - Definitely the Hunted (eridan/nepeta, karkat) (648 words)

WORKS IN PROGRESS
-Karkat Ganbang WIP (173 words)
-Demon Summoner AU, davekat, 2/? (2 902 words)
-Crash Standing chapter 9 (5 202 words)

MONTH BY MONTH BREAKDOWN:
-jan: 22 912
-feb: 19 195
-mar: 22 611
-apr: 27 262
-may: 21 249
-jun: 18 756
-jul: 35 852
-aug: 27 883
-sep: 37 061
-oct: 22 560
-nov: 35 575
-dec: 41 480 !!!!

I was SO HAPPY for the first months of this year whenever I reached 18k. Wow, um. Wow. Now when I'm under 25k i'm like "okay wtf were you doing dude." Haha, self, what. XD

YEARLY TOTAL:
2010: didn't total it up but considering i thought 12k was pretty alright... >___>; okay no let's do it now : 14 422 + 5 667 + 6 592 + 12 431 + 1 701 + 6 371 + 15 688 + 10 233 + 14 044 + 23 561 + 12 894 + 12 631 = 136 235 (D:) => 11 353/month. ... :X :X :X
2011: 167 675, average: 13 973/month. :X
2012: 332 396 !!!!! *¤@°¤%$♥ Average: 27 700 /month. eeeeeeee.

OKAY THIS YEAR RULED.

apart from the lack of teamwork and ff7 stuff, which i am v. disappoint about. Okay, homestuck, you warn me when the honeymoon phase is over and i can start seeing other fandoms on the side, yeah?

( TEASERS )

Life and Times of Teh Asuka

Mwahahahaha.

Fic - Vorkosigan 'verse - Paddy (gen, ivan-centric)

Sunlightverse - three pesterlog ficlets!

HS- Midnight on the Demon Patrol - Porn /? (i mean 10/?)

HS - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 9/?

HS - Plant a Flag, Plant a Tree (davekat porn, 1/1)

monthly word count - january!

HS - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 8/?

Homestuck - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 7/?

Homestuck - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 6/?

Homestuck - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 5/?

Homestuck - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 4/?

Homestuck - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 4/?

Homestuck - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 3/?

Homestuck - Midnight on the Demon Patrol - 2/?

Crash Standing - chapter 9

crash standing - chapter 8

Battlefield Terra sidefic

Battlefield Terra - silly oneshot that doesn't actually happen.

It's been a year already? :O

Monthly Word Count - December

Profile

Links

March 2026

Tags

Syndicate

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags