Life and Times of Teh Asuka

"Wakey, wakey, Lord Lazybones the Sleeps-A-Lot!"

Dave comes to already knowing he doesn't want to move. He has it confirmed when he bats his eyes open and his cheekbone twinges, and then again when he tries to lift a hand to push John off him. The jerk is looming over him and grinning with far too many teeth for this hour of the -- oh hey, it's noon.

Dave lets his arm flop down on the mattress. Yeah, abort this shit, all his muscles went so crazy tense yesterday to keep from being strangled and smothered, he's sore even in the places he didn't get hit. He is going right back to sleep.

"G'off, Egbutt," he grumbles, "this princess don't need kissed."

John chuckles and leans closer in. "What pretty eyes you have, your majesty."

Wh -- fuck, where are his shades. He forces his protesting arm to feel around for the nightstand, finds it, doesn't find his shades...

... Ooooh, hell. He slumps back, tries to merge with the bed, eyes scrunching closed. He was home yesterday, he wasn't wearing them.

Thank fuck for that, because wearing them at night on that roof might have gotten him killed for real.

"Davey-poo~"

Dave cracks an eye open to glare. John and his giant teeth are about two inches from his face.

It's pretty hard to miss the way his expression goes from teasing to a mild, baffled quirk of the brow.

"Dave? Look at me, buddy?"

Aw, fuck. ( Read more... )

Two sequels to By The Letter (of the law)

Anonymous said: Dorky Knights, a couple (two??) months later, trying to make out during some free time but their mounts won't leave them alone. Bad Crow.

The good thing about being a knight lawfully wedded to another knight is that he’s always got a partner. Especially because of the political angle to being a Dersite and a Prospitian, or a troll and a human — they get lots of peacekeeping assignments, not to the level of leading war parties but sort of pre-diplomacy. Diplomacy with teeth. Flattening the ground for the real diplomacy parties — and sometimes it turns out the problem can be resolved with a good talking-to, no need to bring in his hell-sister and turn everyone inside out.

Metaphorically speaking. Most of the time. But anyway.

( Read more... )

Anonymous said: By the Letter (of the law), five years later

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They don't really bother with court much. Karkat didn't enjoy Prospit's court already; Derse's makes him twice as happy that he's got disputes to slap down, speeches of friendship and country-wide news to deliver, and town-to-town enmities to mediate and scratch his ashen itch on. Even if he hated his current life he would hate it less than Derse's court.

The Empresses requested their presence, though, and he's good at hating things he's got to deal with anyways.

Case in point. "Dave I swear to all that is holy if you molest my gloves again I will slap you in the face with them."

"Huh."

"In a really not sexy way."

"Aw."

Karkat clears his throat and looks away from Dave's pouting lips. "You made us late enough with the boots, let's go already." He can still feel Dave's warm hands 'helping you tuck your pants in those stupid boots properly' all over his thighs.

He tucks Dave's arm in his and hauls him out of the door.

"Do you even like that kind of pain?" he grumbles -- quietly so the servants won't catch that they're discussing their sex life in public corridors once again.

"Face-slapping? Eh." Dave purses his lips. Karkat tears his eyes away. "I'd totally tolerate it if it made your clothes fall back off. They're so pretty, they'd probably make you look twice as good naked."

Karkat rolls his eyes, and vows to work twice as hard not to let on that the stupidly fancy court clothes Dave's brother sent them to wear are stiff and scratchy and ridiculously attention-grabbing, and make him miss his traveling leathers already. The lengths one will go to in order to please their matesprit, seriously.( Read more... )

"Is that a house, or a castle?"

Dave snorts as he gets out of the car. "Castles are prettier. This is a pile of giant cement pizza boxes, dude." The pile isn't even straight and even, there are corners sticking our everywhere.

Dirk doesn't crack a smile or even indicate that he heard as he extracts himself from the passenger's seat, even though he was the one who first made that comparison, ten or fifteen years ago. He's been monosyllabic ever since they picked him up for mandatory Strilonde Bonding Time on pain of Aunt Romy.

Crouched beside Dave on the driveway, Karkat is still staring up doubtfully.

"Besides," Dave continues, "it's not that big, just kinda sprawly."

"There's a tower."

"It's an observatory!" Roxy calls out from the other side of the bridge, and waves. Dave vaguely wonders how she heard them so well, with the little running stream between them and the waterfall just behind the corner where she's standing, but he sticks his hands in his pockets and follows Dirk.

"Oh, an observatory!" Karkat replies, sarcastic, as he makes his cautious way across. "Whew. Totally different! Especially the pompous levels."

( Read more... )

In Which Byrd Sprite Strider Chats in Logs, Fulfills Some Shipping Charts, and Discovers the Joys of Twincest (Not Really.) Not Suitable to Trolls of Seven Sweeps of Under for a Somewhat Libertine Approach to Feelings Jams.

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TA: yeah your human poliice and mediiterrorii2t2 have them iin 2ome buiildiing2. but the healthy one2 are 2uppo2ed to be relea2ed 2oonii2h.
TA: 2orry ii can't explaiin iit better, your legale2e ii2 even more annoyiing than our2.
TA: ii feel 2o fuckiing 2tupiid not beiing able to par2e that 2hiit, god. iit'2 not even liike iit'2 anythiing compliicated!!
GT: Shoosh shoosh my good man! Your brain is still stupendous amounts of brilliant even at its most rambunctious!
GT: Why if being unable to parse these makes you a fool then what am i right? Haha.
TG: you shooshin him now wow what does aradia think of this
TA: thiink2 iit2 fuckiing hiilariiou2 that of all thiing2 to piick up from her he cho2e that one of fuckiing cour2e. ii mean iit2 AA, what el2e?
GT: Why what is wrong with wishing to soothe my good pal sollux in the quaint and friendly manner of his people???
TG: nothing buddy
TG: yeah absolutely nothing
TG: mentioning this for no reason at all but its amazing how you can really feel karkats absence in this chatroom somehow
( Read more... )

Chapter contains porn and OCs. Almost 11k of such. orz

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The first thing Karkat does when they finally come home is to rush up the ladder and check on his nest, wings flapping along pointlessly. (The new shell is still frail enough that they have to alternate keeping the muscles exercised and making sure no wrong movement cracks him open again, but to return home he refused to be bandaged up.)

Dave's shoulder is still not to be strained, and climbing would be awkward one-handed, so once again he's right back to sleeping on the couch. He's starting to think the universe wants him to cede the space to his demon, but damn it, he is not giving up his futon under the slanting ceiling and the odd light that comes from the window.

"Marshmallows still good?" he calls up to Karkat, even as he flops down on the couch under the mezzanine.

"Uh -- lemme open the bag." A pause. "Yeah, they're still edible, though I was more concerned about rats or those motherfucking crows."

Dave snorts quietly. He can't say he was honestly worried about the marshmallows, those things last years. Okay, at least half a year. He's pretty sure he read things about that before.

The crow vendetta keeps being silly and hilarious.

"We don't have rats!" he calls up.

"Uh huh," Karkat replies, muffled and distracted, as he rummages into a plastic bag. "You keep thinking that."

Aw, man. "We have rats? Seriously? Hell."

"If they're not rats I'm not sure what else. Wall wolverines?"

( Read more... )

Medieval AU where Karkat is the Arab horsemaster who came along with the war steeds just gifted to Queen Roxy because it just so happens he’s the one training them and they’re his babies and let me tell you, you do not improvise training war horses and he will especially supervise what kind of mares the stallions are put to why are Generic Europeans so huge it’s ruining the speed and lightness advantage for srs i’ll have to revise my techniques from the ground up. Why’d his people have to make a treaty with horse ignoramuses for srs.

Lord Dirk at least loves horses as much as he does and they can have enlightening talks about horsemanship and lines of descent for DAYS, but Lady Rose is, while a perfectly adequate rider, creepy as fuck, and Lord Dave is a fucking asshole who does not appreciate the beauty of a perfectly bred Arabian or the honor made to him AAAA GO BACK TO RIDING IN DONKEY CARTS YOU SON OF A MULE.

I mean, he doesn’t fall off his horses much or anything, but his siblings are all definitely better at riding than he is. Even the Queen, and she’s not allowed to even go hunting anymore, never mind charging onto battlefields. (mind, that doesn’t stop her much.)

(Rose is mostly seen riding delicate lady’s horses and following the hunt lazily, and you’d put her with the “serviceable skills, but not very interested” category, until she has some piece of intel to deliver and then ZOOOM she is a speed demon. What do you mean my horse can’t jump this it’s as high as she is at the whiters see she totally can.)

Karkat has his own horse, he’s a dapple gray gelding called Carcinus and he’s secretly crabdad in disguise. Cranky asshole horse, but he would kick and stomp the shit out of any enemy of his master. Or thief. man, do not try to thieve or otherwise borrow Karkat’s horse, you will be paste. This horse drinks human blood.

Also Eridan and Kanaya are the official diplomats in Karkat’s party (Eridan thinks he’s an awesome rider, but really it’s his horse that’s awesomely trained; Kanaya manages decently well and also does archery from horseback), and Jade and John are guests of the court from India.



i wanted to write more but it petered out, so only one ficlet for this 'verse.

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Tegmine is his favorite mare. Inquisitive and gentle, smart as a whip -- it took her a day to figure out how to open her stall, in this place, and Karkat a week to figure out how to keep her from it.

( Read more... )

Anonymous asked: Dave/Karkat/Jade urban fantasy. Dave is a vampire, Jade is a werewolf, and Karkat is so done with all this supernatural bullshit.

(not super urban hahaha)
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Karkat was aware he was pacing. He was also aware he'd been bleeding, and should not have been pacing.

The screaming, also, was totally a conscious decision.

He felt like the naked girl who'd just been a white wolf and the half-naked guy who'd just been a mangled corpse dragged into his barn by a wolf completely deserved it.

The ~magical~ turd-licking fence-fuckers masquerading as his classmates had been sneak-flirting with him for weeks.

"Is my life actually a shitty supernatural romance?! Am I going to develop more special than you powers that somehow never matter half as much as who I fuck? Am I supposed to arbiter your little game of which one of you is the sexiest alpha male by gracing them with my boy cooch?"

( Read more... )

Anonymous asked: Pern dragons! Dave/Jade/Karkat! Yeah!

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"Shards and fuck," K'rkat swore as he raced up the long winding stairs, "I'm going to -- teach you to fly -- right from your weyr -- without a fucking dragon!"

He would have gotten there faster if he didn't speak at all, but he wasn't concentrating on making words as well as putting one foot before another he would have stopped and curled up on the step he happened to be long ago.

Why did Jade have to live so high up. Why did K'rkat's own Kulirath have to be busy elsewhere just when he needed her, the Threads take her up the tail hole --

Finally. He burst into Sievereth's weyr, the bronze stretched out lazy and well-fed, oh Faranth's egg no.

"Jade!" he screamed, startling the dragon. "Get out! And you, big lump, get up! Up and flying! Why are you still here?!"( Read more... )

500 words of silliness. Age difference, humanstuck. College AU for anon.

( 'It's okay! We're just seducing you for better grades!' Poor Karkat, accosted by jailbait. What a tragic life a TA leads. )

3500 words of Jaeger Pilots/Drift-compatible Davekat 'verse, woo.

This is the third installment in the series. They're random scenes in the 'verse and the first one is a series of three-sentences-drabbles, not a solid multipart. Click the previous link for AO3's Everything So Far.

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Dave has done interviews before, and Karkat hasn't, so they agree that Dave will lead. Karkat knows that Dave knows that Dave will lead until Karkat finds his legs, and then fuck that noise. At least it had better become true, or Karkat will have words with himself.

When he steps out onto the podium and the lights fall on his face, he almost dodges the Shatterdome's press agent's hand to escape right back where he came from.

The room isn't huge, but it's packed. Everyone is staring at them.

He shakes hands and follows Dave to the table, tries to pretend the wall of people staring intently at his every gesture is... somewhere not here. Or that he's somewhere else. In a cockpit, facing another kaiju, maybe. Yeah, that'd work better for him. But Dave is here, so...

He just. Crowds. Not the most awesome thing.

They sit. They have a table to hide behind. He stares ahead at no journalist in particular and schools his face so nothing shows when Dave's boot comes to hook his heel.

The press agent is introducing them. Karkat remembers to nod when she says his name, and to keep his head still when she says Dave's, even though (five weeks in) it's pavlovian already to turn around when someone calls for either one of them, indifferently. (Not that he's mixed up enough to think Dave is his name, but anything that concern Dave concerns him, doesn't it.)

"You are the pilots of Knight Ardent," she's saying. Karkat knows Dave will shift it into clownery before she's done with her sentence, so he's already moving to kick.

"We are? -- ow."

Karkat looks at her, and then he looks at the crowd, because they're not here to talk to her, she's not the one who's going to be asking the question. "That's us." His mind is blank. "...Thanks for coming."

( Read more... )