askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
"You know, you guys could have been ordered off the field entirely!"

Dave dislikes Roxy immensely right now.

There she is, sitting on the low windowsill of what used to be a hairdresser's shop window, wearing that stupid Venice mask with the feather and swinging her legs. The thing is violently pink and sequined, catches every ray of light that manages to pierce the grime. Dave keeps losing track of her every time she stops talking.

Dave makes sure his tush is extra-cocooned in this here creaky old chair, and tries not to think about the old crusted-dry gunk marking the edges of the hair-washing basin he's propping his head against.

"We could have been ordered to be goddamn useful, too," Karkat replies before Dave can. "Not that I mind being hidden away and doled out penny by penny like the peerless treasure I fucking am, but if we're that precious, the fuck kind of sense does it make only having the two of you as guards?"

"All the sense in the world!" Roxy replies -- huh, she's still in the same spot. The feather wobbles with her nodding, the tip almost two feet over her actual head. "I got Horuss to make sure no one finds y'all..."

"And I've got my good old buddy Eridan to shoot anyone who finds you anyway full of holes!" Jake continues for her. They both turn from the window to grin.

"And if they're not dead when Jakey and Eri are done with them, I've also got Equius to beat them into the ground. Tadah."

Karkat stares at them, and then turns to stare across the dusty floor at Dave to share his total absence of admiration.

"And the brass don't have more people to spare for us," Dave finishes cynically. Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
"Wakey, wakey, Lord Lazybones the Sleeps-A-Lot!"

Dave comes to already knowing he doesn't want to move. He has it confirmed when he bats his eyes open and his cheekbone twinges, and then again when he tries to lift a hand to push John off him. The jerk is looming over him and grinning with far too many teeth for this hour of the -- oh hey, it's noon.

Dave lets his arm flop down on the mattress. Yeah, abort this shit, all his muscles went so crazy tense yesterday to keep from being strangled and smothered, he's sore even in the places he didn't get hit. He is going right back to sleep.

"G'off, Egbutt," he grumbles, "this princess don't need kissed."

John chuckles and leans closer in. "What pretty eyes you have, your majesty."

Wh -- fuck, where are his shades. He forces his protesting arm to feel around for the nightstand, finds it, doesn't find his shades...

... Ooooh, hell. He slumps back, tries to merge with the bed, eyes scrunching closed. He was home yesterday, he wasn't wearing them.

Thank fuck for that, because wearing them at night on that roof might have gotten him killed for real.

"Davey-poo~"

Dave cracks an eye open to glare. John and his giant teeth are about two inches from his face.

It's pretty hard to miss the way his expression goes from teasing to a mild, baffled quirk of the brow.

"Dave? Look at me, buddy?"

Aw, fuck. Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
It's not a bad explosion, as those things get. Blows the shit out of his hinges, and makes the decorative door panels shudder and fall out of alignment like a linebacker rammed them, but it's a foot that finishes the job of knocking the door down.

His gun is -- stupidly -- all the way downstairs in the gun safe by the door. It's out of reach the second the first man rushes through -- a huge wall of a man, square and meaty -- and then the second man comes in on his heels and Dave gives it up for lost.

Under him on the main floor Karkat starts snarling, steps forward to meet the threat, but there's a machine gun in the first man's hands and Dave can see nothing but the confettied mess it would make of his non-shelled face.

"Get out of here!" he yells, and shoves the half-open windowpane out of his way and swings himself out and onto the ancient straight ladder bolted to the outside wall.

Two men on the fire escape's last landing, just under him; he hears glass breaking. One of them looks up, gun up --

Aradia rushes through him with barely a thought; the gun jams, trigger frozen in time. Dave beats Olympic records of ladder-climbing.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Two sequels to By The Letter (of the law)

Anonymous said: Dorky Knights, a couple (two??) months later, trying to make out during some free time but their mounts won't leave them alone. Bad Crow.

The good thing about being a knight lawfully wedded to another knight is that he’s always got a partner. Especially because of the political angle to being a Dersite and a Prospitian, or a troll and a human — they get lots of peacekeeping assignments, not to the level of leading war parties but sort of pre-diplomacy. Diplomacy with teeth. Flattening the ground for the real diplomacy parties — and sometimes it turns out the problem can be resolved with a good talking-to, no need to bring in his hell-sister and turn everyone inside out.

Metaphorically speaking. Most of the time. But anyway.

Read more... )

Anonymous said: By the Letter (of the law), five years later

--

They don't really bother with court much. Karkat didn't enjoy Prospit's court already; Derse's makes him twice as happy that he's got disputes to slap down, speeches of friendship and country-wide news to deliver, and town-to-town enmities to mediate and scratch his ashen itch on. Even if he hated his current life he would hate it less than Derse's court.

The Empresses requested their presence, though, and he's good at hating things he's got to deal with anyways.

Case in point. "Dave I swear to all that is holy if you molest my gloves again I will slap you in the face with them."

"Huh."

"In a really not sexy way."

"Aw."

Karkat clears his throat and looks away from Dave's pouting lips. "You made us late enough with the boots, let's go already." He can still feel Dave's warm hands 'helping you tuck your pants in those stupid boots properly' all over his thighs.

He tucks Dave's arm in his and hauls him out of the door.

"Do you even like that kind of pain?" he grumbles -- quietly so the servants won't catch that they're discussing their sex life in public corridors once again.

"Face-slapping? Eh." Dave purses his lips. Karkat tears his eyes away. "I'd totally tolerate it if it made your clothes fall back off. They're so pretty, they'd probably make you look twice as good naked."

Karkat rolls his eyes, and vows to work twice as hard not to let on that the stupidly fancy court clothes Dave's brother sent them to wear are stiff and scratchy and ridiculously attention-grabbing, and make him miss his traveling leathers already. The lengths one will go to in order to please their matesprit, seriously.Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
This one's got hella porn. w00t w00t.

--

Dave Strider @turntechgodhead
#springcleaning yo peeps who wanna feast their eyes on this choice domestic babe in an apron and authentic feather duster http://...

Dave snaps another pouty picture, uploads it, then puts the phone down for five minutes so he can finish dusting his vinyl records shelf.

He is totally wearing an apron. The feather duster is synthetic though. Neon green. Hey, it was cheap.

It's a nice afternoon outside; all his windows are open wide to let in a breeze, though since they're all facing the same side of the building he'd only get a real one going if he opened the front door too.

Then again there's a lot of loose paper he hasn't put away yet, so he probably shouldn't.

Wow, what a perfect time to check his phone again.

@turntechgodhead LOSE THE SHIRT YEEEHAW
man ur cute @turntechgodhead
@turntechgodhead #gayyyyyyyyyyyyy
@turntechgodhead ok good now the same in NOTHING but an apron ;3
@turntechgodhead Where's Karkat???

Yeah, ever since Karkat's follower count passed his, he's been getting followers through him, but they're here mostly for more domestic demon shenanigans. Pssh. What about following Dave for Dave? Posers. Noobs.

He snaps a picture of Karkat sitting up on the window seat gazing at the sky and scratching idly at the tendon bits under his knee spur, and attaches it to his reply.

#fuckyeahpetdemon guess whos slacking while others toil endlessly to render his living arrangements as dust free as humanly possible http://...

Fifteen seconds later he's getting pinged back.

@turntechgodhead WANT MY HELP? SURE THING. I COULD GET RID OF THOSE POINTLESS DUST TRAPS FOR YOU *AND* FURTHER MY UNDERSTANDING OF GRAVITY. HOW'S THAT FOR EFFICIENCY.

@cruorGuardian touch my jar collection and you will be its replacement

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
"Is that a house, or a castle?"

Dave snorts as he gets out of the car. "Castles are prettier. This is a pile of giant cement pizza boxes, dude." The pile isn't even straight and even, there are corners sticking our everywhere.

Dirk doesn't crack a smile or even indicate that he heard as he extracts himself from the passenger's seat, even though he was the one who first made that comparison, ten or fifteen years ago. He's been monosyllabic ever since they picked him up for mandatory Strilonde Bonding Time on pain of Aunt Romy.

Crouched beside Dave on the driveway, Karkat is still staring up doubtfully.

"Besides," Dave continues, "it's not that big, just kinda sprawly."

"There's a tower."

"It's an observatory!" Roxy calls out from the other side of the bridge, and waves. Dave vaguely wonders how she heard them so well, with the little running stream between them and the waterfall just behind the corner where she's standing, but he sticks his hands in his pockets and follows Dirk.

"Oh, an observatory!" Karkat replies, sarcastic, as he makes his cautious way across. "Whew. Totally different! Especially the pompous levels."

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Dave deliberately left the drapes open, but Karkat is stubborn, and also Dave's comforter is thick enough to block a lot of light; when Dave starts hearing movement up there it's about eleven in the morning.

"If you're gonna hurl, use the trash can to your left," he calls up to the mezzanine, lazily scrolling down a news article on his laptop.

No answer. Movement ceases. Hm, maybe he wasn't fully awake yet.

Only that does sound a lot like mice, or maybe like Karkat's claws skittering lightly along the wooden floor as he feels around blind.

"Water bottle to your right," Dave adds, eyes on his screen. Oh hey, this article looks funny. Click, into another tab it goes.

Still no answer. Hmm. Maybe he's fallen back asleep and the odd quality to the silence is all in Dave's head.

It legit me-certified ain't, Latula says, and grins with his mouth. He gives her a quiet chuckle.
Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
In Which Byrd Sprite Strider Chats in Logs, Fulfills Some Shipping Charts, and Discovers the Joys of Twincest (Not Really.) Not Suitable to Trolls of Seven Sweeps of Under for a Somewhat Libertine Approach to Feelings Jams.

--

TA: yeah your human poliice and mediiterrorii2t2 have them iin 2ome buiildiing2. but the healthy one2 are 2uppo2ed to be relea2ed 2oonii2h.
TA: 2orry ii can't explaiin iit better, your legale2e ii2 even more annoyiing than our2.
TA: ii feel 2o fuckiing 2tupiid not beiing able to par2e that 2hiit, god. iit'2 not even liike iit'2 anythiing compliicated!!
GT: Shoosh shoosh my good man! Your brain is still stupendous amounts of brilliant even at its most rambunctious!
GT: Why if being unable to parse these makes you a fool then what am i right? Haha.
TG: you shooshin him now wow what does aradia think of this
TA: thiink2 iit2 fuckiing hiilariiou2 that of all thiing2 to piick up from her he cho2e that one of fuckiing cour2e. ii mean iit2 AA, what el2e?
GT: Why what is wrong with wishing to soothe my good pal sollux in the quaint and friendly manner of his people???
TG: nothing buddy
TG: yeah absolutely nothing
TG: mentioning this for no reason at all but its amazing how you can really feel karkats absence in this chatroom somehow
Read more... )
askerian: (demongirl_boobwave blahblahblah)
last and worst for the day! XDDD

Anonymous asked: Dave/Naruto, hooking up at a house party (papabrostrider is to blame for this one)

dear lord why does it work.

840 words.

--

It's not like it's rare at his gigs for someone to sidle up to the booth and go, "Hey! Nice music!", grinning and interested.

"If you're hitting on me, queue's on your left," Dave replies, and then he looks.

The man has nice arms. Solid shoulders, strong biceps. Baby face still, baby-blue eyes in the white strobe lights and friendly dimples. Someone got him with funny cat-whiskers paint that's just subtle enough to tickle Dave's funny bone, but with a body like that he's got to be at least twenty.

"What, no!!" The man blushes so hard Dave can see his face darken even through the flashing lighting and dim of the dance floor. He actually honest-to-God flails his hands, what a dork. "I just -- argh, and you know that, don't you?" he finishes with an accusatory glare.

Dave gives him a faint smirk. "Maybe I do." Dave doesn't usually like them blond -- he's blond enough for two, contrast is nice -- but he does like them buff. (If he wants thin and pretty he'll usually just go for a girl, unless the guy is, like, hella pretty.) He nods toward the guy's white T-shirt, stuck to his abs with a large splash of probably someone's drink. "Nice ink."

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Chapter contains porn and OCs. Almost 11k of such. orz

--

The first thing Karkat does when they finally come home is to rush up the ladder and check on his nest, wings flapping along pointlessly. (The new shell is still frail enough that they have to alternate keeping the muscles exercised and making sure no wrong movement cracks him open again, but to return home he refused to be bandaged up.)

Dave's shoulder is still not to be strained, and climbing would be awkward one-handed, so once again he's right back to sleeping on the couch. He's starting to think the universe wants him to cede the space to his demon, but damn it, he is not giving up his futon under the slanting ceiling and the odd light that comes from the window.

"Marshmallows still good?" he calls up to Karkat, even as he flops down on the couch under the mezzanine.

"Uh -- lemme open the bag." A pause. "Yeah, they're still edible, though I was more concerned about rats or those motherfucking crows."

Dave snorts quietly. He can't say he was honestly worried about the marshmallows, those things last years. Okay, at least half a year. He's pretty sure he read things about that before.

The crow vendetta keeps being silly and hilarious.

"We don't have rats!" he calls up.

"Uh huh," Karkat replies, muffled and distracted, as he rummages into a plastic bag. "You keep thinking that."

Aw, man. "We have rats? Seriously? Hell."

"If they're not rats I'm not sure what else. Wall wolverines?"

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (HS_Karprettyred)
Anonymous asked: BT guys shower gangbang fantasy/embarassing wet dream?

(yay for fishing old prompts out of the abyss! weirdass floaty dream ahoy. contain vague dream porn, stealth angst and dreamy creepiness. also probably happens either during the first half of chapter 7 or before chpt7 entirely.)

--

He's walking at a fast pace in the weird alien corridors of this weird alien hive (not running, the labs will get him if he runs), turning left and right and left. He's alone, it's weird, he should find John (he should enjoy being alone but being alone here isn't safe, the labs will get him). He doesn't know where John is though, but yes, he knows, John is where John always goes.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Medieval AU where Karkat is the Arab horsemaster who came along with the war steeds just gifted to Queen Roxy because it just so happens he’s the one training them and they’re his babies and let me tell you, you do not improvise training war horses and he will especially supervise what kind of mares the stallions are put to why are Generic Europeans so huge it’s ruining the speed and lightness advantage for srs i’ll have to revise my techniques from the ground up. Why’d his people have to make a treaty with horse ignoramuses for srs.

Lord Dirk at least loves horses as much as he does and they can have enlightening talks about horsemanship and lines of descent for DAYS, but Lady Rose is, while a perfectly adequate rider, creepy as fuck, and Lord Dave is a fucking asshole who does not appreciate the beauty of a perfectly bred Arabian or the honor made to him AAAA GO BACK TO RIDING IN DONKEY CARTS YOU SON OF A MULE.

I mean, he doesn’t fall off his horses much or anything, but his siblings are all definitely better at riding than he is. Even the Queen, and she’s not allowed to even go hunting anymore, never mind charging onto battlefields. (mind, that doesn’t stop her much.)

(Rose is mostly seen riding delicate lady’s horses and following the hunt lazily, and you’d put her with the “serviceable skills, but not very interested” category, until she has some piece of intel to deliver and then ZOOOM she is a speed demon. What do you mean my horse can’t jump this it’s as high as she is at the whiters see she totally can.)

Karkat has his own horse, he’s a dapple gray gelding called Carcinus and he’s secretly crabdad in disguise. Cranky asshole horse, but he would kick and stomp the shit out of any enemy of his master. Or thief. man, do not try to thieve or otherwise borrow Karkat’s horse, you will be paste. This horse drinks human blood.

Also Eridan and Kanaya are the official diplomats in Karkat’s party (Eridan thinks he’s an awesome rider, but really it’s his horse that’s awesomely trained; Kanaya manages decently well and also does archery from horseback), and Jade and John are guests of the court from India.



i wanted to write more but it petered out, so only one ficlet for this 'verse.

--

Tegmine is his favorite mare. Inquisitive and gentle, smart as a whip -- it took her a day to figure out how to open her stall, in this place, and Karkat a week to figure out how to keep her from it.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
sequel to A Classical Work of Paranormal Romance
---

CG: BY THE WAY.
CG: I SERIOUSLY HOPE YOU HAVE NOT A) DRAGGED ME INTO SOME VAMPIRES/WEREWOLVES OR VAMPIRES/HUNTERS WAR, AND B) FORGOTTEN I MIGHT CARE TO BE TOLD IF YOU WERE AT WAR WITH ANY ASSHOLES OUT HERE AND *IN DEATHLY DANGER.*
CG: IF I AM SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR FUCKING BOYFRIEND THEN I DAMN WELL DESERVE TO KNOW.
Read more... )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
Anonymous asked: Dave/Karkat/Jade urban fantasy. Dave is a vampire, Jade is a werewolf, and Karkat is so done with all this supernatural bullshit.

(not super urban hahaha)
-------------------------------

Karkat was aware he was pacing. He was also aware he'd been bleeding, and should not have been pacing.

The screaming, also, was totally a conscious decision.

He felt like the naked girl who'd just been a white wolf and the half-naked guy who'd just been a mangled corpse dragged into his barn by a wolf completely deserved it.

The ~magical~ turd-licking fence-fuckers masquerading as his classmates had been sneak-flirting with him for weeks.

"Is my life actually a shitty supernatural romance?! Am I going to develop more special than you powers that somehow never matter half as much as who I fuck? Am I supposed to arbiter your little game of which one of you is the sexiest alpha male by gracing them with my boy cooch?"

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Anonymous asked: Dave/Terezi/Karkat, Temeraire-verse, bonus level: Karkat is the dragon, it is him.

Merged with this one!

Dave/Karkat/Terezi, they are all shipwrecked on an island together.


--

Dave comes to with the point of something hard poking him in the ribs, someone cheerfully spouting gibberish at the top of her voice over him. His head hurts and opening his eyes to the sunlight he can feel on his face seems a horrible idea; he groans, goes "No," turns his head away.

A second poke ensues, and sudden shadows. He cracks an eye open before he can be poked a third time; he can feel the bruise rising already, and his body is sore enough as it is.

Oh, huh. There are breasts at the other end of that poking stick. Perky and brown, with the nipples even browner.

"She says, she does not care if you look at the wrong places that don't make words, but if you think you don't have to answer with words she may let me eat you."

Right. So.

The shadow.

That's a dragon's wing.

The beast isn't big at all, as they go -- twice as high as a bull, squat and muscled like one. When Dave is sprawled almost straight under it, it's plenty big enough.

There are spikes everywhere. It would just have to lower itself and roll around a little bit, and Dave would end up very mushy.

The woman leans in, pokes him again -- oh, it's a spear. He should probably be glad she's using the butt and not the blade. She purses her mouth in puzzled annoyance, says something else. Dave slooowly pushes himself up on his elbows. Everything hurts.

"Are you Dutch? I don't speak Dutch. Hey, you whiter than normal pale face. Devil eyes. Cow face. I will step on you."Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Anonymous asked: Pern dragons! Dave/Jade/Karkat! Yeah!

--

"Shards and fuck," K'rkat swore as he raced up the long winding stairs, "I'm going to -- teach you to fly -- right from your weyr -- without a fucking dragon!"

He would have gotten there faster if he didn't speak at all, but he wasn't concentrating on making words as well as putting one foot before another he would have stopped and curled up on the step he happened to be long ago.

Why did Jade have to live so high up. Why did K'rkat's own Kulirath have to be busy elsewhere just when he needed her, the Threads take her up the tail hole --

Finally. He burst into Sievereth's weyr, the bronze stretched out lazy and well-fed, oh Faranth's egg no.

"Jade!" he screamed, startling the dragon. "Get out! And you, big lump, get up! Up and flying! Why are you still here?!"Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
mitsuhachiinthehive asked: Petstuck! Equikat? Tnnf-verse would be really cute, but other situations might also be shiny.

(a troll not named fuckass) (nooo he’s a baby forever ;_; have some baby cuteness yes)

I AM DONE SPAMMING. \o/

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
He's been listening to the intermittent clicketyclick for hours, he thinks, before it makes him think about maybe waking up all the way.

Doesn't want to, but the door opened some time ago (twelve minutes, thirty to fifty seconds) and he thinks there's someone else in the room? Maybe. Feels like someone's staring at him.

Maybe Karkat is hungry. Mmh. Maybe he could climb up on this (weird) bed and do his thing (mnuh dun wanna, but should) and then cuddle up and Dave wouldn't have to wake up all the way and it'd be so nice and good and warm.

"So," says a baritone voice, veiled and quiet.

The clicketyclick stops. (Keyboard? Hnm.) "What." (Oh, Karkat. Yeah. That's the noise. Keyboard and claws.)

The other voice is Bro of course, who else could it be when he's nice, safe and floaty (and not home.)

"How's the sex?"

Dave did not need his identity confirmed via choice of fucking topic. Oh no. Nope, ain't gonna wake up now. Nothing can make him.

Read more... )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
3500 words of Jaeger Pilots/Drift-compatible Davekat 'verse, woo.

This is the third installment in the series. They're random scenes in the 'verse and the first one is a series of three-sentences-drabbles, not a solid multipart. Click the previous link for AO3's Everything So Far.

--

Dave has done interviews before, and Karkat hasn't, so they agree that Dave will lead. Karkat knows that Dave knows that Dave will lead until Karkat finds his legs, and then fuck that noise. At least it had better become true, or Karkat will have words with himself.

When he steps out onto the podium and the lights fall on his face, he almost dodges the Shatterdome's press agent's hand to escape right back where he came from.

The room isn't huge, but it's packed. Everyone is staring at them.

He shakes hands and follows Dave to the table, tries to pretend the wall of people staring intently at his every gesture is... somewhere not here. Or that he's somewhere else. In a cockpit, facing another kaiju, maybe. Yeah, that'd work better for him. But Dave is here, so...

He just. Crowds. Not the most awesome thing.

They sit. They have a table to hide behind. He stares ahead at no journalist in particular and schools his face so nothing shows when Dave's boot comes to hook his heel.

The press agent is introducing them. Karkat remembers to nod when she says his name, and to keep his head still when she says Dave's, even though (five weeks in) it's pavlovian already to turn around when someone calls for either one of them, indifferently. (Not that he's mixed up enough to think Dave is his name, but anything that concern Dave concerns him, doesn't it.)

"You are the pilots of Knight Ardent," she's saying. Karkat knows Dave will shift it into clownery before she's done with her sentence, so he's already moving to kick.

"We are? -- ow."

Karkat looks at her, and then he looks at the crowd, because they're not here to talk to her, she's not the one who's going to be asking the question. "That's us." His mind is blank. "...Thanks for coming."

Read more... )

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