askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Two sequels to By The Letter (of the law)

Anonymous said: Dorky Knights, a couple (two??) months later, trying to make out during some free time but their mounts won't leave them alone. Bad Crow.

The good thing about being a knight lawfully wedded to another knight is that he’s always got a partner. Especially because of the political angle to being a Dersite and a Prospitian, or a troll and a human — they get lots of peacekeeping assignments, not to the level of leading war parties but sort of pre-diplomacy. Diplomacy with teeth. Flattening the ground for the real diplomacy parties — and sometimes it turns out the problem can be resolved with a good talking-to, no need to bring in his hell-sister and turn everyone inside out.

Metaphorically speaking. Most of the time. But anyway.

Read more... )

Anonymous said: By the Letter (of the law), five years later


They don't really bother with court much. Karkat didn't enjoy Prospit's court already; Derse's makes him twice as happy that he's got disputes to slap down, speeches of friendship and country-wide news to deliver, and town-to-town enmities to mediate and scratch his ashen itch on. Even if he hated his current life he would hate it less than Derse's court.

The Empresses requested their presence, though, and he's good at hating things he's got to deal with anyways.

Case in point. "Dave I swear to all that is holy if you molest my gloves again I will slap you in the face with them."


"In a really not sexy way."


Karkat clears his throat and looks away from Dave's pouting lips. "You made us late enough with the boots, let's go already." He can still feel Dave's warm hands 'helping you tuck your pants in those stupid boots properly' all over his thighs.

He tucks Dave's arm in his and hauls him out of the door.

"Do you even like that kind of pain?" he grumbles -- quietly so the servants won't catch that they're discussing their sex life in public corridors once again.

"Face-slapping? Eh." Dave purses his lips. Karkat tears his eyes away. "I'd totally tolerate it if it made your clothes fall back off. They're so pretty, they'd probably make you look twice as good naked."

Karkat rolls his eyes, and vows to work twice as hard not to let on that the stupidly fancy court clothes Dave's brother sent them to wear are stiff and scratchy and ridiculously attention-grabbing, and make him miss his traveling leathers already. The lengths one will go to in order to please their matesprit, seriously.Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
"Is that a house, or a castle?"

Dave snorts as he gets out of the car. "Castles are prettier. This is a pile of giant cement pizza boxes, dude." The pile isn't even straight and even, there are corners sticking our everywhere.

Dirk doesn't crack a smile or even indicate that he heard as he extracts himself from the passenger's seat, even though he was the one who first made that comparison, ten or fifteen years ago. He's been monosyllabic ever since they picked him up for mandatory Strilonde Bonding Time on pain of Aunt Romy.

Crouched beside Dave on the driveway, Karkat is still staring up doubtfully.

"Besides," Dave continues, "it's not that big, just kinda sprawly."

"There's a tower."

"It's an observatory!" Roxy calls out from the other side of the bridge, and waves. Dave vaguely wonders how she heard them so well, with the little running stream between them and the waterfall just behind the corner where she's standing, but he sticks his hands in his pockets and follows Dirk.

"Oh, an observatory!" Karkat replies, sarcastic, as he makes his cautious way across. "Whew. Totally different! Especially the pompous levels."

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Dave deliberately left the drapes open, but Karkat is stubborn, and also Dave's comforter is thick enough to block a lot of light; when Dave starts hearing movement up there it's about eleven in the morning.

"If you're gonna hurl, use the trash can to your left," he calls up to the mezzanine, lazily scrolling down a news article on his laptop.

No answer. Movement ceases. Hm, maybe he wasn't fully awake yet.

Only that does sound a lot like mice, or maybe like Karkat's claws skittering lightly along the wooden floor as he feels around blind.

"Water bottle to your right," Dave adds, eyes on his screen. Oh hey, this article looks funny. Click, into another tab it goes.

Still no answer. Hmm. Maybe he's fallen back asleep and the odd quality to the silence is all in Dave's head.

It legit me-certified ain't, Latula says, and grins with his mouth. He gives her a quiet chuckle.
Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
introsquirrel asked: dirk/kankri, reptile house at a zoo

400 words.

"Cease immediately" were Kankri's first words after he broke away, which did not surprise Dirk in the slightest.

The snake house was dim, foliage everywhere in the enclosures. Not dark enough for Dirk to miss the deep, all-encompassing flush on his maybe-boyfriend-it's-complicated's face.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
-- truncatedGrip [TG] has returned from idle! --

AA: haha didnt you just fall asleep five hours ago?? at least if i interpret the sudden idleness right
TG: i did
TG: i so fucking did
AA: i thought vacations were for "sleeping and fucking timezones up the left nostril with all the force of your time swag until theyre flipping like a breakfast paste disk and dont know what the fuck"
TG: you have learned well padawan
TG: my asshole man lusus stays an ignoramus completely willingly

"Byrd, two minutes!"

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (HS_Karprettyred)
Anonymous asked: BT guys shower gangbang fantasy/embarassing wet dream?

(yay for fishing old prompts out of the abyss! weirdass floaty dream ahoy. contain vague dream porn, stealth angst and dreamy creepiness. also probably happens either during the first half of chapter 7 or before chpt7 entirely.)


He's walking at a fast pace in the weird alien corridors of this weird alien hive (not running, the labs will get him if he runs), turning left and right and left. He's alone, it's weird, he should find John (he should enjoy being alone but being alone here isn't safe, the labs will get him). He doesn't know where John is though, but yes, he knows, John is where John always goes.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (HS_Karprettyred)

also huge. Like over 75 pages long in Word/30k words huge. I don't think it's gonna fit on LJ otherwise than in at least seven pieces, so... i'm gonna be lazy and just post a link, i think. :X

JN: Hi, John. )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
In Which Jane Crocker Is Getting Used To Being A Troll (No She Isn't,) A Party Gets Crashed But Is Then Put Back On Its Rails, And Jane Totally Does Not Pale Hook Up With Dirk Strider (Yes She Does.)

Contains Several Shameless Public Pappings, Ashen Fuckery (Seriously Jade Stop,) Karkat Being A Pale Guru, And One List Of Raunchy Troll Porn Titles.

Jane hasn't really left her house -- her hive, she guesses -- ever since the game spat her out. )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Warning for sexual harassment.


Troll wifi sucks, is what Dave decides after twenty very calm, very rational minutes spent sitting on his ass in slimy heart-patterned boxers fiddling with his iShades, then his iPhone, and his suddenly not floating anymore turntop.

(It still works, it just won't stay up, and it's heavy on his knees.)

He'd use the desktop but his house has no power either. The lights won't turn on. His blinds aren't the best, though; outside there's billboards and shit, so he can see fine.

Maybe a little too fine.

He ain't complaining.

"Okay," he says to the walls -- good walls, best listeners, they didn't even mind when he was flipping his sh -- no, he was calm from the start, yes, he was. Anyway the walls are cool, they don't judge. "I need to go and fix this shit, if it can be fixed, and if I can't I need to find someone who can. Yep. That's the plan."

Interacting with strangers isn't something he looks forward to, but who knows what happened to Jade or John, the naive bastards, they know even less about trolls than he does and they're sure to land themselves in deep shit. Someone needs to come to the rescue.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
Anonymous asked you:
Feferi and Jane, speculating if (... cut for spoilers :3)

-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] ! --

CC: )(ey t)(ere, lifesister! 38D
GG: Hello. Feferi, right? With the color of your text it has to be a Peixes, but I doubt the Condesce would be so happy to see me.
GG: I deduce with my highly trained detective's mind that you need something from me.

CC: )(--EY! T)(at's reely mean, I could just want to carp a bit.
CC: I know we )(aven't glubbed muc)( so far but t)(ere's no reason not to start now, rig)(t?

GG: You could, but you aren't, are you? :B
CC: 38X Wow, )(ars)(. You're so mean.
CC: T)(e meena)(est.

GG: Oh, that one was bad. Also, not a fish pun!
CC: Water else could be more nautically t)(emed t)(an a fis)( troll w)(o's been s)(arking around for t)(ousands of sweeps, I will ask you.
GG: Pretty much nothing. Very well, pun accepted.
Read more... )


thingsareswinging replied to your post:
Dave & Signless, discussing karkat

Daikonpan asked you:
SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN CONDOMS TO THE FORMER TROLLS. Possibly Jade. I would trust Jade to give sex ed.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling cardinalGallivant [CG] ! --

TG: so hey dude
TG: i figure youre just about the coolest adult extroll so far and also the most likely to not go all tightnooked with offense and also by now youd have found a solution to keep from oopsing again and also itll piss off karkat hardcore ifwhen he figures out i asked you
TG: not that this is in any way related to him or anyone either of us know
CG: I TAKE IT you have a Question of a ... somewhat Delicate nature?
TG: yeah lets call it that why the hell not

Read more... )


stheere asked you:
Um um DIRK AND NEPETA talking about Equius. =3
(this follow the kiss meme's dirk/equ date.)

-- arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling timaeusTestified [TT] ! --

AC: :33 < *the cave lioness pounces from the bushes and tackles her prey to the ground!!*
AC: :33 < *today she doesn't care about godmodding one bit! she plants her claws in her prey's hide, and leans furry close, and growls all low and scary*
AC: >:00 < what are your intentions toward my meowrail??? >:00

TT: Huh.
TT: The stallion is brought to the ground by the lioness' startling and not godmoddey at all pounce, and whinnies sadly because his mouth is not formed ideally for speech.
TT: Thankfully he also has access to kicking rad shades to type messages with, because his hooves would make a mess of a keyboard.

Read more... )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
The first coherent thought Dave has upon waking up is fuck yeah three days' leave, so he goes straight back to sleep.

The second coherent thought he has, about a hour later, is shit want to pee don't want to brave the ladder dilemma.

The third is old soda bottle in the corner? And the fourth is Rose will know somehow, I'll never live it down.

At any rate, he is awake. He cracks open his eyes, gazes at the slanted ceiling, stretches his legs. Shit yeah futon. Missed you, buddy. His back hardly hurts today.

Of course he kind of hurts everywhere else. But it's a low-grade, stealthy kind of soreness. He figures so long as he doesn't move an inch it'll have no reason to get worse. Maybe he can get Karkat to fetch stuff for him.

Something is breathing nearby.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
pr0ns again!

He has a headache when he wakes, which doesn't presage many good things for today. There's a few forks back on the floor, but half-heartedly. He eyes them from the couch and doesn't move. It's... Nine past nine and nine seconds, Aradia informs him. Okay, he's pretty sure she woke him up. She likes patterned numbers like that.

He bends at the waist, rummages under the couch, finds a candle in the offering box. There's a little shelf over the armrest where he put his head, usually for the TV remote. He puts the candle on it, looking at it upside-down. She's not asking him to do that, he's just refusing to sit up for real.

I don't mind, she tells him, soothing and amused. Time flows the same way upside-down!Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)


“Crash Standing, Or, An Account Of The Post-Game Life of One Byrd Sprite Strider, Aged Sixteen” Presents:
a Succint Yet Accurate Summary in the Form of Haiku:


Chapter 9

Flying by plane is just about the most boring thing you have ever experienced in your life, and considering you once spent three years of your life stuck on a ship surrounded by void, some more void on top, and a little more void in both front and back, that's saying something.

Granted, the ship was large. Granted, it was well-populated. Granted, your then-girlfriend could pop planets out of her pockets and send you a-questing whenever you got bored of the corridors.

It was still three years. Right now you've been on the plane four hours and you feel like you've entered Battleship: Year Four.

Your other self is the Dude of Time; you know from time shit. Someone is definitely messing the hell out of this flow. Goddamn US Airways.

Read more... )
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
whoops i never posted that one there. SORRY D:

Chapter 8: Day thirteen

"Fuck's sake. Just go away, okay, I'll do it faster on my own."

For a second you're tempted to pick up the laptop you just dropped on the floor and throw it at Dave's head. Fuck him. It's not your fucking fault you were ... trying to move heavy, fragile technology one-handed. Okay, yes it is. But fuck him anyway. He's been a grumpy little shit ever since Bro woke you all up and you started gathering the crap not already boxed.

With the way he's not looking at Terezi, who's dismantling the sleeping pile into garbage chute-sized chunks in the corner, you can guess who he'd really like to be arguing with. You watch him pick up the laptop and check the case for damages, put it away in a box barely more gently than when you dropped it. Fuck him, it's your laptop, Bro got it for you.

"What?" he asks you, scowling. You turn away and walk out before any fists can be exchanged.

Read more... )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
Background pairings are still Gamzee♦Karkat, Terezi♣Gamzee and Dave♥Terezi.

Any Dave♦Rose or Byrd♦John exist solely in Karkat’s fevered imagination okay.


Chapter 7: Day twelve, evening

It is party time tonight at Casa de Strider, by which you mean on the roof which technically is not part of the apartment but fuck that noise.

It's also only a party if you consider a bunch of people sitting or standing around making small talk in between yawns a party. Read more... )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
>__>; So yeah I have a kiss meme going on. If you guys want to give me more prompts go ahead right here in the comments, you know the drill, give me two or three characters, one or two words of prompt (settings and moods work best, poetic and metaphysical least), and i make no promises there'll be an end result but we never know. I wrote 8000 words yesterday in under seven hours, shit was bananas.

For reference, this is the (incomplete but) Sunlightverse shipping grid, but you don't have to only prompt pairings that are already on that, I'm also fine with one night stands, cursed mistletoes and oops i slipped and fell on your mouth.

Some of those ficlets are considered canon, some of them not, and some I will have to decide later. Dirk/Equius, Nepeta/Eridan and Psii/Condie are canon for sure.

Anonymous asked you:
Dadbert and the children. kissing booboos (or dad/GH lol how would that make any sense GH does not scrape his knees)

(alas the GH one would have been hilarious. Couldn't figure it out though.)
'Did I... ever do that?' his/not-his father asks, voice gentle and oddly rough, and leans in over his scraped elbow. )

azzandra asked you:
Dirk/Equius, 100d public kissyface.

They are redesigning a water pump.  )

vehrec asked you:
Psi/Condy, awkward black romance failure.

'I don't belong to you,' he says, 'not anymore, I won't, ever.' )

eridan<3<nepeta: hunter or the hunted?

There's white sugar and black-kittied tea kettles everyfuckingwhere in this blighted place. Eridan lands, scowling already, and sure enough he gets sugar in his shoes in the very next second. )

theunvanquishedzims asked you:
Summoner<>Tavros<3<Dave, slam battle.

'I'm, uh, perhaps in the process of, you know, rethinking this' )

Anonymous asked you:
For the kiss meme - maybe Condesce kisses Karkat to sort out her red feels? It beats listening to Kurloz whine again about not getting any. (Karkat: oh god empress is kissing, why is everyone kissing me, halp)

'Come here, buoy.' )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
Chapter 3: day ten

You wake to a thumping noise, Dave going ow.

You don't want to be awake, you're warm and nice and cuddlysafe, but this sounds just too suspicious. Your eyes crack open.

Bro's face is about ten inches away from your own.


He stares. You stare back. You hate how you don't sleep in your shades, even though sleeping in shades is stupid and a great way to get them broken and anyway iShades need to recharge too. He can see your naked face, which is even more embarrassing than if you were actually naked.

Well, fuck. Looks like he's not going to take no for an answer today.

He tilts his head a little. You cringe, brace yourself.


... The fuck?

You blink. Your hand twitches to grab the covers and pull them up, on pure reflex, and oh hey you're stuck. You look down.

You seem to have sprouted a growth in the form of a troll.Read more... )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
Still Davesprite/Karkat, still post-game, still dealing with too many Striders in one small apartment, still a sequel to awake at night & assorted ficlets.

Chapter 1: Day eight

Chapter 2: day nine

-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering truncatedGrip [TG] --

EB: hey, pigeon face. :D
TG: hey miss beaver
EB: how's the life of cleaning lady treating you, buddy?
TG: fuck you very much my feather duster is the best in three states i will fight you
TG: whoa there stallion
TG: are you trying to take my rp virginity can we keep to one scenario
TG: like am i carmencita the cleaning lady your wife hired or am i one of those french can can dancers or what

EB: you're a maid that i'm paying a little extra to clean in costume. hubba hubba.
TG: okay i can work with that
TG: who wouldnt want to polish the family jewels while in a thong and ostrich feathers for a little over minimum wages honestly

EB: i wonder!
EB: anyway dad just called from the road and i was supposed to tell you guys they'll be there in one hour barring accidents or traffic clusterfucks and whatnot.
EB: better hope you're ready for inspection!

TG: i am always ready for inspection senor she says while bending over like she bought her spine on clearance at ikea
TG: was that a cracking noise you might wonder no just threw my back a little but that way im already bent over for you senor

EB: that's hot. :X
EB: /he says while presenting her with the *eyebrow waggle* family heirloom sword.

TG: dude you suck at rping carmencitas head is like down to her knees its totes unrealistic that guys dong would be that long
TG: unless youre playing a strider i guess
TG: i have all the canon details at hand to smooth the way of your epic literary rp john you only have to ask

EB: ... are we going to gay chicken ourselves into cybering a full scene again.
EB: i wouldn't care but i'm kind of sitting right beside my dad's even more coddling clone.
Read more... )
askerian: (HS_davekat_kismesexy)
The Family You Choose ‘verse (fourth in the series, first being Awake at Night — click the tag). The first three dealt with culture clashes, and Dad Egbert adopting Karkat and Gamzee. This one is Davesprite-centric.

Post-Sburb on Earth, guardians are alive again, Dirk and Roxy get to live in the same time period as the other humans, all trolls who survived are being hosted by humans.

Pairing: Davesprite/Karkat, background Dave/Terezi and others.

It’s been eight days since the end of Sburb and Davesprite is not coping especially well.

Once upon a time she got your best bro killed and your Jade died as a result and you had to leave your Rose behind to wait alone in a doomed timeline for a horrible end to catch up. It's been weird sharing an apartment with her post-Game, but then again everything's been weird. )</a
askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)
I started writing BT proper, and then Dirk and Dave’s Bro started being all “hey I’m talking to you” and I was like “okay sure I’ll do a drabble quicklike” and BAM six pages of prequel-fic.

3 000 words of Mr. Strider meeting his clonebabies for the first time. Also features Doc Lalonde.

Or: In Which The Characters Prove Exactly Why They Shouldn’t Have Kids Ever, But They Have Them Anyway And It’d Be A Pain To Return Them Now So Hey Why Not.

'They're not going to bite, you know,' Romy drawled without even turning to look at him, as she forced a sausage-like Harleybertian leg in a leg-hole. She was smirking, though, he could tell from her voice. 'Or projectile venom. Hell, even vomit wouldn't get that far.' )


askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (Default)

October 2017




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