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Sunlightverse - three pesterlog ficlets!
Anonymous asked you:
Feferi and Jane, speculating if (... cut for spoilers :3)
-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] ! --
CC: )(ey t)(ere, lifesister! 38D
GG: Hello. Feferi, right? With the color of your text it has to be a Peixes, but I doubt the Condesce would be so happy to see me.
GG: I deduce with my highly trained detective's mind that you need something from me.
CC: )(--EY! T)(at's reely mean, I could just want to carp a bit.
CC: I know we )(aven't glubbed muc)( so far but t)(ere's no reason not to start now, rig)(t?
GG: You could, but you aren't, are you? :B
CC: 38X Wow, )(ars)(. You're so mean.
CC: T)(e meena)(est.
GG: Oh, that one was bad. Also, not a fish pun!
CC: Water else could be more nautically t)(emed t)(an a fis)( troll w)(o's been s)(arking around for t)(ousands of sweeps, I will ask you.
GG: Pretty much nothing. Very well, pun accepted.
CC: 38D
CC: Acts)(oally you were rig)(t all along, but also not rig)(t! I've wanted to talk wit)( you for a w)(ile now, I just kelpt being distracted by ot)(er t)(ings. But today I )(ave a topic for t)(e boat of us to discuss.
CC: It can be bot)( an awesome icebreaker and somefin productive and potentially very necessary!
GG: :B I will bask in the warm, successful glow of being right but also wrong.
GG: I take it it's a Life-related issue?
CC: Sort of, probably, yes?
CC: I don't know if it's because )(e's a Gemini boy and t)(ey take t)(at s)(elly duality t)(ing seariously or w)(at, but...
CC: )(ave you been around t)(e Psiioniic recently?
GG: Not really, we might be neighbors but he doesn't get out much, and when he's out he's usually with his friends; I don't like to disturb.
GG: What's the issue?
CC: W)(ale, most of t)(e times I'm around )(im )(e's visiting Sollux, rig)(t? But )(is quadrantmates are always sc)(ooled up around )(im, so it's )(ard to tell.
CC: And I also want to let )(im and Solefis)( )(ave t)(eir privacy, and )(e's kinda R--E--ELY nervous around me.
CC: for pretty good reasons 38(
CC: so w)(en )(e visits I usually go and )(ang out wit)( Aradia or Jade or Eridan.
GG: Hm. That makes sense.
CC: But t)(is morning t)(ey )(ung back some, and I was busy inside t)(e )(ouse so I stayed put, and
CC: I t)(oug)(t t)(ere was maybe a t)(ird person wit)( t)(em?
CC: But no, just Sollux and t)(e Psiioniic.
CC: So t)(en I sidled closer! And I freaked )(im out a bit, t)(e poor guy, but now I'm S)(ORE t)(ere is SOM-EFIN R---E---ELY W---EIRD about )(im!
GG: Aw shucks, I just guessed the end of this story.
CC: )(--E )(AS TWO LIF--E AURAS!
GG: ... And I just won five bucks from myself.
CC: 38O )(----EY! W)(at )(ave you guessed??? No fair playing it all mysterious and smart, Miss Detective!
GG: Oh, I'm not playing it smart. I believe if you were in any way familiar with mammalian biology that you would have understood at once.
GG: Perchance, was his second glow mostly gathered in his stomach or belly area?
CC: ...
CC: Yes! O)( no, is )(e )(arboring MAMMAL PARASIT-ES?? 38O
GG: Of a sort, yes.
GG: Good Lord.
GG: Did your, ah, schoolfeeding ever take the time to develop mammalian reproduction?
CC: .........
CC: .......................
CC: W)(ale, fuck.
CC: You get to tell )(im!!!
GG: Of course. It wouldn't do to distress him further, especially in his current state.
GG: Will you want me to share my findings with you when I'm done examining him? Not about his general health, as I understand if I am to do this village doctor thing I should probably maintain a minimum of confidentiality, but the general reproductive features?
CC: O)(, s)(ore! 38D
CC: I LOV--E creepy t)(ings. And no offense to ex-mammal-you but you don't get MUC)( CREEPIER t)(an internal brooding!
CC: Do you t)(ink )(e'll be able to feel t)(em WRIGGLING? )(ow will t)(ey come out???
GG: I suspect they'll take the same path which they entered with. That is usually how it happens, bar traumatic horror movies I would rather not rehash now.
GG: Humans were usually able to feel their offspring moving around in the womb, yes, once they were grown enough. Our new anatomy is somewhat different now, so I don't know, but it seems a logical assumption.
GG: I will certainly consult with you, though. I shouldn't be the only one having a learning experience here!
CC: 38D I t)(ink )(e's aboat to )(ave one, too!
CC: even if w)(at )(e learned for all of us is W)(OOPS DON'T PUT IT IN. a)(a)(a)(a o)( man, Sollux is going to FR---EAK.
GG: That is a bit unkind, Feferi. :/
GG: I guess someone had to find out for all of us at some point...
CC: yea)(, yea)(, saury. 38X But you )(ave to admit it's finny. You totally laug)(ed!
GG: ... Fine, maybe a little. In a "oh dear" way.
GG: I wish it hadn't been him, though. His mental and physical health are poor enough as it is.
GG: Pregnancy can be a major stress on the body.
CC: I guess now everyone will )(ave a good reason to carp on )(im to eat more. And also sleep sometimes.
GG: Mnh.
CC: O)( carp!!!
GG: What is it?
CC: I don't t)(ink you'd know, adventurous as )(e says )(e is your mantasprit seems kind of slow aboat t)(at kind of t)(ing...
GG: Hey!
CC: But trolls can kind of
CC: get inside eac)( ot)(er at t)(e same time?
GG: What, you mean...
GG: Um. Both penetrating and being penetrated? At the same time?
CC: Y--ES! And okay a )(uman wouldn't know t)(at so probably none of you guys )(ave tried it yet, but trolls would know.
CC: I'd betta c)(eck on Psiioniic's quadrants, w)(at if t)(ey're teeming too?? 38O
GG: Goodness, what a clusterfuck. Yes, please, do. We'll convene later to share new biological information, how about it?
CC: S)(ore t)(ing.
CC: )(a)(a, mammal reproduction takes only two genetic donors, rig)(t? I wonder w)(ic)( one would )(ave given grubs to w)(o. 38D
GG: Feferi! That's private and none of our business.
CC: Pfff. I bettya also wanta know!
GG: No, I most certainly do not care to know!
CC: 38P s)(ore you don't.
GG: ... Fine, I might be feeling a touch of curiosity regarding the paternity of this child, but it is still none of my business and I am certainly not going to go looking for an answer to THAT particular riddle.
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.
GG: I'll contact you later. A-consulting I go!
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] stopped trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --
--
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] started trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --
GG: *BOTH.*
CC: Psii's grub )(as BOT)( Signless and Disciple as doradonors?
CC: Or do you mean t)(ere's TWO grubs??
GG: BOTH TO BOTH.
----
thingsareswinging replied to your post:
Dave & Signless, discussing karkat
Daikonpan asked you:
SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN CONDOMS TO THE FORMER TROLLS. Possibly Jade. I would trust Jade to give sex ed.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling cardinalGallivant [CG] ! --
TG: so hey dude
TG: i figure youre just about the coolest adult extroll so far and also the most likely to not go all tightnooked with offense and also by now youd have found a solution to keep from oopsing again and also itll piss off karkat hardcore ifwhen he figures out i asked you
TG: not that this is in any way related to him or anyone either of us know
CG: NATURALLY not. (:B
CG: I TAKE IT you have a Question of a ... somewhat Delicate nature?
TG: yeah lets call it that why the hell not
CG: IS IT AT ALL related to my Knowledge of his Beforan self? Because that might be violating his Privacy somewhat.
TG: huh?? no dude not at all just trolls in general
TG: like
TG: uh wow im all aflutter here did not expect that to happen
TG: totes blaming the new and inferior trollnatomy
TG: and with this cunning segue
TG: uh
CG: TROLL ANATOMY in Particular? (:B
TG: yes well
TG: yeah
CG: I AM Listening.
TG: okay just gonna ask
TG: howd you guys handle contraception back in ye olden days????
CG: AH.
CG: WE POURED the Pail out into a ditch.
CG: MY apologies.
TG: wow well that was amazingly useless
TG: also i feel like singing duh a hundred times and bouncing my skull off a wall on the beat itd make an awesome base for some mad rapping action
CG: BELIEVE ME, I wish I could Help you.
CG: ESPECIALLY As I do not Believe Karkat is quite ready to handle a Grub of his own.
CG: OR YOUR OWN.
CG: OR JADE'S own.
TG: bluh
TG: no kidding i dont care how long we might well live now that were one with the godhood or what the fuck ever and how i dont have highschool to finish anymore im still not doing the teen dad thing
TG: my bro did it and it fucked up his life i mean im not saying he resented me or anything for it and we were hella tight but he coulda done so many awesome things if he didnt have to wipe my baby ass and teach me to handle a ninja sword
CG: I SEE. WHAT Do your Ashenmates think about the Topic?
TG: they think they dont wanna talk about the topic and also were not even
TG: uhh okay you wont tell anyone else right
CG: I GIVE YOU MY WORD. This Discussion will stay between the Two of us.
TG: no need to go all formal no shit but cool k thnx
TG: were not even having sex yet
TG: at all??
TG: i mean its kinda obvious its where its going only karkat is in enough denial to think how often we fall on each others mouth face first means were gonna keep this perfectly ashplatonic
TG: but see he doesnt want to discuss it so we cant decide how to handle it first and uh
TG: its
TG: super embarrassing to talk about it with jade like i turn bright red and then i
TG: argh
CG: I REMEMBER HOW it was back then. Don't fret. Talking about these things is Difficult even for Adults, even in Long-standing Relationship.
TG: thats so reassuring wow
CG: HEH.
TG: anyway id rather have a plan in place for when it happens cause the way things are going the way its gonna happen is gonna be pretty spontaneous like whoops is that a fight is that a war no its supermack
TG: and then whoops too late and then whoops suddenly daddy
CG: HOW DID HUMANS HANDLE Such things, if I may ask?
TG: oh uh
TG: we wrapped these thin plastic pocket things around our dicks there was like a tiny pocket at the end for the jizz
CG: HUH.
TG: i guess a troll trying that woulda launched it into space with the high pressure hose action
TG: wheres my condom trollita oh no i shot it down your deepest crevice like a cannonball youre gonna sneeze it up sometime next week my bad
TG: i am so not asking jane or her dad to hand me their saran wrap so i can mummify my dick in the stupidest attempt to have it fall off and still ooze spunk in unfortunate places through the gaps anyway
CG: THAT DOES SOUND rather Ill advised.
CG: MY BEST SUGGESTION WOULD BE To ask the Local Inhabitants if they may have some Solution of their own.
TG: oh hey they might have some plants and shit thats how humans did it before we invented rubber
TG: wasnt super reliable tho i hope like fuck our human ladies were thinking real hard about not wanting no stretch marks while making this universe and their shit is more efficient
CG: THAT Is a potentially interesting Solution!
CG: I WISH YOU good luck finding a villager to ask it to. (:B
TG: ...
TG: you dick
CG: I FIND MYSELF VERY PROUD of a young man willing to Brave the Humiliation of explaining his Ignorance to Strangers and then Begging for their help in Pailing his Kismesis and Matesprit. Such Fortitude is Commendable.
TG: oh my god you just became even more hateable than karkitty somehow
CG: THERE, THERE, I AM MERELY Teasing you. (;B
CG: TO BE HONEST, I would rather be able to Enjoy my own Companions once more without risking a second Set of Wigglers. We are already Poorly prepared to handle the First as it is.
CG: WOULD YOU LIKE SOME Company when you go in search of a helpful village?
TG: ...
TG: fuck yes
TG: but youre still a dick
----
stheere asked you:
Um um DIRK AND NEPETA talking about Equius. =3
(this follow the kiss meme's dirk/equ date.)
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling timaeusTestified [TT] ! --
AC: :33 < *the cave lioness pounces from the bushes and tackles her prey to the ground!!*
AC: :33 < *today she doesn't care about godmodding one bit! she plants her claws in her prey's hide, and leans furry close, and growls all low and scary*
AC: >:00 < what are your intentions toward my meowrail??? >:00
TT: Huh.
TT: The stallion is brought to the ground by the lioness' startling and not godmoddey at all pounce, and whinnies sadly because his mouth is not formed ideally for speech.
TT: Thankfully he also has access to kicking rad shades to type messages with, because his hooves would make a mess of a keyboard.
AC: don't laugh at me! that'd be a really bad idea right now, okay??
TT: "I'm not," the stallion IMs through his awesome glasses. He kicks against the ground and rolls to shake the lioness off.
TT: Because he's not a godmodding bastard, he gets scratched pretty badly down his side and his hot rump shaking her claws out, but the scars will probably look sexy, so he deals with it.
AC: >:|| < fine.
AC: :33 < *the lioness growls and circles the stallion again, her long muscled body low to the ground, ready to pounce. she pauses and licks a claw. mmm, he would be delicious.*
AC: :33 < *she wonders most seriously if she should even wait for an answer or just tear into his jugular right now!*
TT: The stallion stomps his hooves on the ground, but doesn't charge. He recognizes her as the best, best, best friend of that sexy hunk of horsemeat he's been shaking his tail at recently. He supposes the other stallion would be angry if they fought.
TT: "Hey there, what's up," he asks, cool and collected and a total bro about the slices she just tore out of his side.
AC: :33 < *the lioness stops circling for a moment and growls* i asked what do you want with my meowrail!
TT: To take him on a long, hard ride over the rainbow.
TT: For some reason it feels kind of wrong to say that to you, wow. Sorry, the temptation to make a quip was too strong to resist.
AC: >:// < if you try to hurt him *the lioness says, entirely serious* i will kill you.
TT: It would not behoof me to hurt one I desire as a companion.
AC: >:// < NO PUNNING!! you're not gonna distract me like that!!!
TT: Alright. I'll can the goofiness.
TT: I like him, Nepeta, okay? I think he's smart as hell and it's horribly cute how uncertain he gets around people.
AC: >:|| < ... hmm.
AC: :33 < pale or flushed?
TT: Flushed, of course. Not only would I not even attempt to compete with you for his diamond, but he's got an ass to die for. I'd be real fucking disappointed to never get to handle that.
AC: :33 < :333333
AC: :33 < but for real, right, not only for sex?? because i mean it, okay? he's sensitive, you catnot hurt him!!!
AC: i would really, entirely, totally kill you dead. and then i'd hide the corpse so well that centuries later they'd still think you're migrating with the herds. >:((
TT: Whoa, there. I'm not planning to hurt him at all.
TT: Well.
TT: Not emotionally.
AC: >:?? < *the lioness hisses quietly*
TT: Are you sure I can talk about that kind of stuff with you? It's sexual, do you need to know that shit about him?
AC: :33 < of course i know that shit about him! i know what he likes in efurrything. what do YOU know about it??
TT: I know he plays haughty and distant, but it's just to protect how savagely he dreams of someone breaking him to the saddle.
AC: k33p going.
TT: I want that, Nepeta.
TT: I want to give him what he wants and can't make himself ask for. I want him to give into his need. I want to train him to actually fucking ask for what he wants. I want him to be mine.
TT: And when we're done I want to pet his hair and tell him what a good foal he is.
AC: :33 < HMMMM.
AC: X33 < *the lioness sits and starts grooming her paw, purring quietly* you do s33m to understand him. furry well! *she says,* i will allow you to court the bl00 stallion.
AC: :33 < but don't furget i can and i will stalk you from the shadows if you make the merest wrong move!!!
TT: No chance of that, my queen.
TT: The orange stallion bows his regal neck in agreement and trots off, tail flagging high.
TT: He has a man to see about a horse. 8)
AC: :33 < h33.
Feferi and Jane, speculating if (... cut for spoilers :3)
-- cuttlefishCuller [CC] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] ! --
CC: )(ey t)(ere, lifesister! 38D
GG: Hello. Feferi, right? With the color of your text it has to be a Peixes, but I doubt the Condesce would be so happy to see me.
GG: I deduce with my highly trained detective's mind that you need something from me.
CC: )(--EY! T)(at's reely mean, I could just want to carp a bit.
CC: I know we )(aven't glubbed muc)( so far but t)(ere's no reason not to start now, rig)(t?
GG: You could, but you aren't, are you? :B
CC: 38X Wow, )(ars)(. You're so mean.
CC: T)(e meena)(est.
GG: Oh, that one was bad. Also, not a fish pun!
CC: Water else could be more nautically t)(emed t)(an a fis)( troll w)(o's been s)(arking around for t)(ousands of sweeps, I will ask you.
GG: Pretty much nothing. Very well, pun accepted.
CC: 38D
CC: Acts)(oally you were rig)(t all along, but also not rig)(t! I've wanted to talk wit)( you for a w)(ile now, I just kelpt being distracted by ot)(er t)(ings. But today I )(ave a topic for t)(e boat of us to discuss.
CC: It can be bot)( an awesome icebreaker and somefin productive and potentially very necessary!
GG: :B I will bask in the warm, successful glow of being right but also wrong.
GG: I take it it's a Life-related issue?
CC: Sort of, probably, yes?
CC: I don't know if it's because )(e's a Gemini boy and t)(ey take t)(at s)(elly duality t)(ing seariously or w)(at, but...
CC: )(ave you been around t)(e Psiioniic recently?
GG: Not really, we might be neighbors but he doesn't get out much, and when he's out he's usually with his friends; I don't like to disturb.
GG: What's the issue?
CC: W)(ale, most of t)(e times I'm around )(im )(e's visiting Sollux, rig)(t? But )(is quadrantmates are always sc)(ooled up around )(im, so it's )(ard to tell.
CC: And I also want to let )(im and Solefis)( )(ave t)(eir privacy, and )(e's kinda R--E--ELY nervous around me.
CC: for pretty good reasons 38(
CC: so w)(en )(e visits I usually go and )(ang out wit)( Aradia or Jade or Eridan.
GG: Hm. That makes sense.
CC: But t)(is morning t)(ey )(ung back some, and I was busy inside t)(e )(ouse so I stayed put, and
CC: I t)(oug)(t t)(ere was maybe a t)(ird person wit)( t)(em?
CC: But no, just Sollux and t)(e Psiioniic.
CC: So t)(en I sidled closer! And I freaked )(im out a bit, t)(e poor guy, but now I'm S)(ORE t)(ere is SOM-EFIN R---E---ELY W---EIRD about )(im!
GG: Aw shucks, I just guessed the end of this story.
CC: )(--E )(AS TWO LIF--E AURAS!
GG: ... And I just won five bucks from myself.
CC: 38O )(----EY! W)(at )(ave you guessed??? No fair playing it all mysterious and smart, Miss Detective!
GG: Oh, I'm not playing it smart. I believe if you were in any way familiar with mammalian biology that you would have understood at once.
GG: Perchance, was his second glow mostly gathered in his stomach or belly area?
CC: ...
CC: Yes! O)( no, is )(e )(arboring MAMMAL PARASIT-ES?? 38O
GG: Of a sort, yes.
GG: Good Lord.
GG: Did your, ah, schoolfeeding ever take the time to develop mammalian reproduction?
CC: .........
CC: .......................
CC: W)(ale, fuck.
CC: You get to tell )(im!!!
GG: Of course. It wouldn't do to distress him further, especially in his current state.
GG: Will you want me to share my findings with you when I'm done examining him? Not about his general health, as I understand if I am to do this village doctor thing I should probably maintain a minimum of confidentiality, but the general reproductive features?
CC: O)(, s)(ore! 38D
CC: I LOV--E creepy t)(ings. And no offense to ex-mammal-you but you don't get MUC)( CREEPIER t)(an internal brooding!
CC: Do you t)(ink )(e'll be able to feel t)(em WRIGGLING? )(ow will t)(ey come out???
GG: I suspect they'll take the same path which they entered with. That is usually how it happens, bar traumatic horror movies I would rather not rehash now.
GG: Humans were usually able to feel their offspring moving around in the womb, yes, once they were grown enough. Our new anatomy is somewhat different now, so I don't know, but it seems a logical assumption.
GG: I will certainly consult with you, though. I shouldn't be the only one having a learning experience here!
CC: 38D I t)(ink )(e's aboat to )(ave one, too!
CC: even if w)(at )(e learned for all of us is W)(OOPS DON'T PUT IT IN. a)(a)(a)(a o)( man, Sollux is going to FR---EAK.
GG: That is a bit unkind, Feferi. :/
GG: I guess someone had to find out for all of us at some point...
CC: yea)(, yea)(, saury. 38X But you )(ave to admit it's finny. You totally laug)(ed!
GG: ... Fine, maybe a little. In a "oh dear" way.
GG: I wish it hadn't been him, though. His mental and physical health are poor enough as it is.
GG: Pregnancy can be a major stress on the body.
CC: I guess now everyone will )(ave a good reason to carp on )(im to eat more. And also sleep sometimes.
GG: Mnh.
CC: O)( carp!!!
GG: What is it?
CC: I don't t)(ink you'd know, adventurous as )(e says )(e is your mantasprit seems kind of slow aboat t)(at kind of t)(ing...
GG: Hey!
CC: But trolls can kind of
CC: get inside eac)( ot)(er at t)(e same time?
GG: What, you mean...
GG: Um. Both penetrating and being penetrated? At the same time?
CC: Y--ES! And okay a )(uman wouldn't know t)(at so probably none of you guys )(ave tried it yet, but trolls would know.
CC: I'd betta c)(eck on Psiioniic's quadrants, w)(at if t)(ey're teeming too?? 38O
GG: Goodness, what a clusterfuck. Yes, please, do. We'll convene later to share new biological information, how about it?
CC: S)(ore t)(ing.
CC: )(a)(a, mammal reproduction takes only two genetic donors, rig)(t? I wonder w)(ic)( one would )(ave given grubs to w)(o. 38D
GG: Feferi! That's private and none of our business.
CC: Pfff. I bettya also wanta know!
GG: No, I most certainly do not care to know!
CC: 38P s)(ore you don't.
GG: ... Fine, I might be feeling a touch of curiosity regarding the paternity of this child, but it is still none of my business and I am certainly not going to go looking for an answer to THAT particular riddle.
CC: )(a)(a)(a)(a)(a)(a.
GG: I'll contact you later. A-consulting I go!
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] stopped trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --
--
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] started trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]! --
GG: *BOTH.*
CC: Psii's grub )(as BOT)( Signless and Disciple as doradonors?
CC: Or do you mean t)(ere's TWO grubs??
GG: BOTH TO BOTH.
----
thingsareswinging replied to your post:
Dave & Signless, discussing karkat
Daikonpan asked you:
SOMEONE NEEDS TO EXPLAIN CONDOMS TO THE FORMER TROLLS. Possibly Jade. I would trust Jade to give sex ed.
-- turntechGodhead [TG] started trolling cardinalGallivant [CG] ! --
TG: so hey dude
TG: i figure youre just about the coolest adult extroll so far and also the most likely to not go all tightnooked with offense and also by now youd have found a solution to keep from oopsing again and also itll piss off karkat hardcore ifwhen he figures out i asked you
TG: not that this is in any way related to him or anyone either of us know
CG: NATURALLY not. (:B
CG: I TAKE IT you have a Question of a ... somewhat Delicate nature?
TG: yeah lets call it that why the hell not
CG: IS IT AT ALL related to my Knowledge of his Beforan self? Because that might be violating his Privacy somewhat.
TG: huh?? no dude not at all just trolls in general
TG: like
TG: uh wow im all aflutter here did not expect that to happen
TG: totes blaming the new and inferior trollnatomy
TG: and with this cunning segue
TG: uh
CG: TROLL ANATOMY in Particular? (:B
TG: yes well
TG: yeah
CG: I AM Listening.
TG: okay just gonna ask
TG: howd you guys handle contraception back in ye olden days????
CG: AH.
CG: WE POURED the Pail out into a ditch.
CG: MY apologies.
TG: wow well that was amazingly useless
TG: also i feel like singing duh a hundred times and bouncing my skull off a wall on the beat itd make an awesome base for some mad rapping action
CG: BELIEVE ME, I wish I could Help you.
CG: ESPECIALLY As I do not Believe Karkat is quite ready to handle a Grub of his own.
CG: OR YOUR OWN.
CG: OR JADE'S own.
TG: bluh
TG: no kidding i dont care how long we might well live now that were one with the godhood or what the fuck ever and how i dont have highschool to finish anymore im still not doing the teen dad thing
TG: my bro did it and it fucked up his life i mean im not saying he resented me or anything for it and we were hella tight but he coulda done so many awesome things if he didnt have to wipe my baby ass and teach me to handle a ninja sword
CG: I SEE. WHAT Do your Ashenmates think about the Topic?
TG: they think they dont wanna talk about the topic and also were not even
TG: uhh okay you wont tell anyone else right
CG: I GIVE YOU MY WORD. This Discussion will stay between the Two of us.
TG: no need to go all formal no shit but cool k thnx
TG: were not even having sex yet
TG: at all??
TG: i mean its kinda obvious its where its going only karkat is in enough denial to think how often we fall on each others mouth face first means were gonna keep this perfectly ashplatonic
TG: but see he doesnt want to discuss it so we cant decide how to handle it first and uh
TG: its
TG: super embarrassing to talk about it with jade like i turn bright red and then i
TG: argh
CG: I REMEMBER HOW it was back then. Don't fret. Talking about these things is Difficult even for Adults, even in Long-standing Relationship.
TG: thats so reassuring wow
CG: HEH.
TG: anyway id rather have a plan in place for when it happens cause the way things are going the way its gonna happen is gonna be pretty spontaneous like whoops is that a fight is that a war no its supermack
TG: and then whoops too late and then whoops suddenly daddy
CG: HOW DID HUMANS HANDLE Such things, if I may ask?
TG: oh uh
TG: we wrapped these thin plastic pocket things around our dicks there was like a tiny pocket at the end for the jizz
CG: HUH.
TG: i guess a troll trying that woulda launched it into space with the high pressure hose action
TG: wheres my condom trollita oh no i shot it down your deepest crevice like a cannonball youre gonna sneeze it up sometime next week my bad
TG: i am so not asking jane or her dad to hand me their saran wrap so i can mummify my dick in the stupidest attempt to have it fall off and still ooze spunk in unfortunate places through the gaps anyway
CG: THAT DOES SOUND rather Ill advised.
CG: MY BEST SUGGESTION WOULD BE To ask the Local Inhabitants if they may have some Solution of their own.
TG: oh hey they might have some plants and shit thats how humans did it before we invented rubber
TG: wasnt super reliable tho i hope like fuck our human ladies were thinking real hard about not wanting no stretch marks while making this universe and their shit is more efficient
CG: THAT Is a potentially interesting Solution!
CG: I WISH YOU good luck finding a villager to ask it to. (:B
TG: ...
TG: you dick
CG: I FIND MYSELF VERY PROUD of a young man willing to Brave the Humiliation of explaining his Ignorance to Strangers and then Begging for their help in Pailing his Kismesis and Matesprit. Such Fortitude is Commendable.
TG: oh my god you just became even more hateable than karkitty somehow
CG: THERE, THERE, I AM MERELY Teasing you. (;B
CG: TO BE HONEST, I would rather be able to Enjoy my own Companions once more without risking a second Set of Wigglers. We are already Poorly prepared to handle the First as it is.
CG: WOULD YOU LIKE SOME Company when you go in search of a helpful village?
TG: ...
TG: fuck yes
TG: but youre still a dick
----
stheere asked you:
Um um DIRK AND NEPETA talking about Equius. =3
(this follow the kiss meme's dirk/equ date.)
-- arsenicCatnip [AC] started trolling timaeusTestified [TT] ! --
AC: :33 < *the cave lioness pounces from the bushes and tackles her prey to the ground!!*
AC: :33 < *today she doesn't care about godmodding one bit! she plants her claws in her prey's hide, and leans furry close, and growls all low and scary*
AC: >:00 < what are your intentions toward my meowrail??? >:00
TT: Huh.
TT: The stallion is brought to the ground by the lioness' startling and not godmoddey at all pounce, and whinnies sadly because his mouth is not formed ideally for speech.
TT: Thankfully he also has access to kicking rad shades to type messages with, because his hooves would make a mess of a keyboard.
AC: don't laugh at me! that'd be a really bad idea right now, okay??
TT: "I'm not," the stallion IMs through his awesome glasses. He kicks against the ground and rolls to shake the lioness off.
TT: Because he's not a godmodding bastard, he gets scratched pretty badly down his side and his hot rump shaking her claws out, but the scars will probably look sexy, so he deals with it.
AC: >:|| < fine.
AC: :33 < *the lioness growls and circles the stallion again, her long muscled body low to the ground, ready to pounce. she pauses and licks a claw. mmm, he would be delicious.*
AC: :33 < *she wonders most seriously if she should even wait for an answer or just tear into his jugular right now!*
TT: The stallion stomps his hooves on the ground, but doesn't charge. He recognizes her as the best, best, best friend of that sexy hunk of horsemeat he's been shaking his tail at recently. He supposes the other stallion would be angry if they fought.
TT: "Hey there, what's up," he asks, cool and collected and a total bro about the slices she just tore out of his side.
AC: :33 < *the lioness stops circling for a moment and growls* i asked what do you want with my meowrail!
TT: To take him on a long, hard ride over the rainbow.
TT: For some reason it feels kind of wrong to say that to you, wow. Sorry, the temptation to make a quip was too strong to resist.
AC: >:// < if you try to hurt him *the lioness says, entirely serious* i will kill you.
TT: It would not behoof me to hurt one I desire as a companion.
AC: >:// < NO PUNNING!! you're not gonna distract me like that!!!
TT: Alright. I'll can the goofiness.
TT: I like him, Nepeta, okay? I think he's smart as hell and it's horribly cute how uncertain he gets around people.
AC: >:|| < ... hmm.
AC: :33 < pale or flushed?
TT: Flushed, of course. Not only would I not even attempt to compete with you for his diamond, but he's got an ass to die for. I'd be real fucking disappointed to never get to handle that.
AC: :33 < :333333
AC: :33 < but for real, right, not only for sex?? because i mean it, okay? he's sensitive, you catnot hurt him!!!
AC: i would really, entirely, totally kill you dead. and then i'd hide the corpse so well that centuries later they'd still think you're migrating with the herds. >:((
TT: Whoa, there. I'm not planning to hurt him at all.
TT: Well.
TT: Not emotionally.
AC: >:?? < *the lioness hisses quietly*
TT: Are you sure I can talk about that kind of stuff with you? It's sexual, do you need to know that shit about him?
AC: :33 < of course i know that shit about him! i know what he likes in efurrything. what do YOU know about it??
TT: I know he plays haughty and distant, but it's just to protect how savagely he dreams of someone breaking him to the saddle.
AC: k33p going.
TT: I want that, Nepeta.
TT: I want to give him what he wants and can't make himself ask for. I want him to give into his need. I want to train him to actually fucking ask for what he wants. I want him to be mine.
TT: And when we're done I want to pet his hair and tell him what a good foal he is.
AC: :33 < HMMMM.
AC: X33 < *the lioness sits and starts grooming her paw, purring quietly* you do s33m to understand him. furry well! *she says,* i will allow you to court the bl00 stallion.
AC: :33 < but don't furget i can and i will stalk you from the shadows if you make the merest wrong move!!!
TT: No chance of that, my queen.
TT: The orange stallion bows his regal neck in agreement and trots off, tail flagging high.
TT: He has a man to see about a horse. 8)
AC: :33 < h33.
no subject
Jane and Feferi are so standoffish! D: I thought Jane would be a bit nicer to Feferi but it kinda seems like she's holding a yardstick between them to keep her distance. Well I guess Jane does have a no-nonsense attitude so I guess? Poor poor Psiioniic. You did not have this coming to you *pats on back*
lolololol forever @ Dave