Life and Times of Teh Asuka

theunvanquishedzims asked: Karkat ♠ Kankri, the first time they were both totally quiet in each other's presence.

Straight up hate porn. Sort-of-public sex, oral, some slurry retention, etc etc.

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-- truncatedGrip [TG] has returned from idle! --

AA: haha didnt you just fall asleep five hours ago?? at least if i interpret the sudden idleness right
TG: i did
TG: i so fucking did
AA: i thought vacations were for "sleeping and fucking timezones up the left nostril with all the force of your time swag until theyre flipping like a breakfast paste disk and dont know what the fuck"
TG: you have learned well padawan
TG: my asshole man lusus stays an ignoramus completely willingly

"Byrd, two minutes!"

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*Could we have more of the arranged marriage ficlet? Pretty please?

*Oh goodness is it too late to ask for a wedding night continuation? Are these prompts still a thing??

*DaveKat: First time ( could be continuation of other prompt or not) Karkat has mad bedroom skills and Dave tries to keep his cool.

* Arranged Marriage Ficlet! Tomorrow! Deverginizing Dave

:3 maaaaybe.

ok guys here comes the random davekat porn. *pets old prompts* sequel to this!

(haha i kid half of it is leading-up to said porn and worldbuilding. haha ha .. ha. aaaaaaa.)

5k long. Contains joyous loss of virginity, some armor kink, oral and intercrural sex, two dorks. Also the most random, wtf cameo ever but it cracked me up okay. :(

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"And this," Karkat mused in the direction of his husband, "is why I bothered with the gauntlets today."

The stall's half-door rattled under a heavy kick. Dave glowered at Karkat from his place, back against the wall. Karkat glanced down at his hand. No blood. Good. He could keep being an asshole without remorse.

He picked up the bacon roll Dave had dropped, reached out an armored hand, palm up, His mount snorted against his fingers, and snapped his fangs closed around the meat.

"How come he didn't even try it with you," Dave muttered as he peered cautiously over Karkat's shoulder. Karkat tried not to pay any mind to the tense-wary-interested tingles making their way down his neck.

"You have no idea how many time he tried to bite my armor before he figured out it didn't work." A thoughtful pause, as he remembered dented metal with painful clarity. "Much." He flicked Dave a side-glance. "Still want to go riding?"

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Medieval AU where Karkat is the Arab horsemaster who came along with the war steeds just gifted to Queen Roxy because it just so happens he’s the one training them and they’re his babies and let me tell you, you do not improvise training war horses and he will especially supervise what kind of mares the stallions are put to why are Generic Europeans so huge it’s ruining the speed and lightness advantage for srs i’ll have to revise my techniques from the ground up. Why’d his people have to make a treaty with horse ignoramuses for srs.

Lord Dirk at least loves horses as much as he does and they can have enlightening talks about horsemanship and lines of descent for DAYS, but Lady Rose is, while a perfectly adequate rider, creepy as fuck, and Lord Dave is a fucking asshole who does not appreciate the beauty of a perfectly bred Arabian or the honor made to him AAAA GO BACK TO RIDING IN DONKEY CARTS YOU SON OF A MULE.

I mean, he doesn’t fall off his horses much or anything, but his siblings are all definitely better at riding than he is. Even the Queen, and she’s not allowed to even go hunting anymore, never mind charging onto battlefields. (mind, that doesn’t stop her much.)

(Rose is mostly seen riding delicate lady’s horses and following the hunt lazily, and you’d put her with the “serviceable skills, but not very interested” category, until she has some piece of intel to deliver and then ZOOOM she is a speed demon. What do you mean my horse can’t jump this it’s as high as she is at the whiters see she totally can.)

Karkat has his own horse, he’s a dapple gray gelding called Carcinus and he’s secretly crabdad in disguise. Cranky asshole horse, but he would kick and stomp the shit out of any enemy of his master. Or thief. man, do not try to thieve or otherwise borrow Karkat’s horse, you will be paste. This horse drinks human blood.

Also Eridan and Kanaya are the official diplomats in Karkat’s party (Eridan thinks he’s an awesome rider, but really it’s his horse that’s awesomely trained; Kanaya manages decently well and also does archery from horseback), and Jade and John are guests of the court from India.



i wanted to write more but it petered out, so only one ficlet for this 'verse.

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Tegmine is his favorite mare. Inquisitive and gentle, smart as a whip -- it took her a day to figure out how to open her stall, in this place, and Karkat a week to figure out how to keep her from it.

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TOTAL: 40 610 :D
most of it is oneshots, not big WIPs, but completed and posted oneshots! and also i prodded at some fics on my backburner, so i'm still somewhat satisfied.

POSTED
-Covalent 'verse: Equius & Caliborn chatlog (876 words)
-Karkat/Equius BDSM 'verse/college (782 words)
-JohnJadeKarkat, Summoners/Incubus (1 258 words)
-BT: Equ/Karkat kismesis noncanon prequel (492 words)
-Petstuck: Dave & John re: Karkat&Equius adorableness pesterlog (466 words)
-JohnKat: Pegasus & Chupacabra urban fantasy AU (1 351 words)
-BT: Johnkat: Hot springs episode (1 093 words)
-Crash Standing: Byrd&Jade re: Black jadekat pesterlog (819 words)
-Karkat & Dave: medieval master of horses karkat AU (636 words)
-DaveTereziKarkat: Temeraire AU (2 448 words)
-DaveJadeKarkat: Pern Dragonriders AU (1 770 words)
-JohnJadeKarkat: Wolfbrothers AU (2 481 words)
-DaveJadeKarkat: Vampire&Werewolf romance (1 894 words)
-DaveJadeKarkat: Vampire&Werewolf romance pesterlog sequelette (932 words)
-BT: weird fucked-up Karkat gangbang dream optional sidefic (2458 words)
-davekat arranged marriage: The One Where They Actually Fuck (5 159 words)

WIP
-ofic: urban fantasy silliness that i probably won't continue, but the scene was fun (2 620 words)
-Covalent 'verse: outside POV: Telescopium (1 748 words)
-sunlightverse: mystery dave/dirk pesterlog (1 045 words)
-sunlightverse: untitled (Varos&Minna) (3 539 words)
-Pale Krakens: pale porno (Dave&Bro&Karkat pale porning, hawwwwwt) (2 856 words)
-Midnight on the Demon Patrol chapter 19 (2 189 words)
-two starts to ficlets that didn't go anywhere (305 words)
-Gundam Wing: Lone Wolf and Pilot (1 393 words)

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Anonymous asked: Dave/Karkat/Jade urban fantasy. Dave is a vampire, Jade is a werewolf, and Karkat is so done with all this supernatural bullshit.

(not super urban hahaha)
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Karkat was aware he was pacing. He was also aware he'd been bleeding, and should not have been pacing.

The screaming, also, was totally a conscious decision.

He felt like the naked girl who'd just been a white wolf and the half-naked guy who'd just been a mangled corpse dragged into his barn by a wolf completely deserved it.

The ~magical~ turd-licking fence-fuckers masquerading as his classmates had been sneak-flirting with him for weeks.

"Is my life actually a shitty supernatural romance?! Am I going to develop more special than you powers that somehow never matter half as much as who I fuck? Am I supposed to arbiter your little game of which one of you is the sexiest alpha male by gracing them with my boy cooch?"

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Anonymous asked: Pern dragons! Dave/Jade/Karkat! Yeah!

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"Shards and fuck," K'rkat swore as he raced up the long winding stairs, "I'm going to -- teach you to fly -- right from your weyr -- without a fucking dragon!"

He would have gotten there faster if he didn't speak at all, but he wasn't concentrating on making words as well as putting one foot before another he would have stopped and curled up on the step he happened to be long ago.

Why did Jade have to live so high up. Why did K'rkat's own Kulirath have to be busy elsewhere just when he needed her, the Threads take her up the tail hole --

Finally. He burst into Sievereth's weyr, the bronze stretched out lazy and well-fed, oh Faranth's egg no.

"Jade!" he screamed, startling the dragon. "Get out! And you, big lump, get up! Up and flying! Why are you still here?!"( Read more... )

mitsuhachiinthehive asked: Petstuck! Equikat? Tnnf-verse would be really cute, but other situations might also be shiny.

(a troll not named fuckass) (nooo he’s a baby forever ;_; have some baby cuteness yes)

I AM DONE SPAMMING. \o/

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Anonymous asked: JohnKat urban fantasy

((that was so vaaaague aaaaaaaa urban fantasy had so many possibilities D: i went with one of the silliest because i could, bwahaha.))

1200 words.

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"So are you, like... a werevampirewolf?"

Karkat jumped up several feet, landed legs still kicking, and scrambled for the nearest chair to hide under, between the feet.

Which, uh, actually hid him jack shit, and while he might not have been huge, he was still a bit too voluminous for that kind of shenanigans.

"Er. That was... not so smart." The voice sounded dubious as fuck. Groaning, Karkat extracted himself from under the chair -- he had to crawl backwards -- and scanned the stable for anything that looked like it could speak.

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Anonymous asked: John/Jade/Karkat - John and Jade are demon summoners (for reasons) trying to call up an incubus/succubus (for reasons). They get Karkat.

1200 words. No porn, but arousal, some silliness.

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"The teacher's going to be kind of pissed, isn't she?" John says, and giggles. Jade snorts back at him.

"It's not like succubi are on the restricted list, so really, she should have been clearer." She prods John with her foot; he's sitting a quart of the circle away from her. "Double-check the wards properly! Dying of awesome sex would be a good way to go if we have to, but I'm not keeling over before I get my diploma, okay?"

John rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." Jade keeps watching him from the corner of her eye for a few seconds; he seems to be doing it seriously, at least, even if he's still huffy. "Bluh. I get why you'd need it, but not why I need to pass demonology if my major is weather magic."

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