Life and Times of Teh Asuka

(evening of day thirteen)
--

You don't even need Bro's fingers flicking behind his hip as a signal; you can hear steps over your head, going straight for the staircase. The trolls went to look for bedrooms and of fucking course now it's the worst possible time they're coming back. You're rolling off the couch like a panther dropping off its branch onto some tasty prey in a second, and then you're flashstepping across the ridiculously luxurious whisky tasting lounge or whatever rich people call their living rooms, faster than you've managed since you became a sprite, fast enough to be invisible.

Bonk.

"What was that noise?" the lady cop -- there's a lady cop and a dudebro cop -- inquires. You rub at your smarting shoulder and scramble up on your feet in the safety of the curling staircase. Fuck braking, that's what stumps are for. Ow.

( Read more... )

.___. CHECK PREVIOUS POST I DID NOT POST IT TO DW/LJ BEFORE WHOOPS.

--

“Crash Standing, Or, An Account Of The Post-Game Life of One Byrd Sprite Strider, Aged Sixteen” Presents:
a Succint Yet Accurate Summary in the Form of Haiku:
LO, THERE IT COMES BACK
INAPPROPRIATE BONER
FUCKHELL NOT AGAIN

--

Chapter 9


Flying by plane is just about the most boring thing you have ever experienced in your life, and considering you once spent three years of your life stuck on a ship surrounded by void, some more void on top, and a little more void in both front and back, that's saying something.

Granted, the ship was large. Granted, it was well-populated. Granted, your then-girlfriend could pop planets out of her pockets and send you a-questing whenever you got bored of the corridors.

It was still three years. Right now you've been on the plane four hours and you feel like you've entered Battleship: Year Four.

Your other self is the Dude of Time; you know from time shit. Someone is definitely messing the hell out of this flow. Goddamn US Airways.

( Read more... )

WHO WANTS NINETEEN PAGES OF SOLLUXNESS.

Last time I ever write that asshole. By the way. This thing was supposed to be a quick prologue to some other shit entirely and then he just kept babbling, and I don’t even think my grasp on him is all that good. Bluh.

This fic slots right during/after the first two Karkat and Signless-centric fics in the series, where they’ve just emerged into the new world, almost everyone is still in the cave, and over half of them are asleep.

Contains: Sollux <3< Roxy, Sollux <3 Feferi, Signless/Psii, the Life girls duking it out, and a chatlog.
--------------------------------------

With half of everybody still asleep or so groggy they might as well be, Feferi busy sitting vigil by her horrorterror of an Ancestress, thankfully still conked out, Terezi chatting up a storm with her own, Karkat having fucked off for parts unknown, and no internet connection...

You'd be bored enough to cry like a little bitch without Roxy. Maybe enough to blast a second tunnel to the surface with your brain. Either/or. (Then again, after that you'd be outside but apparently outside there's plants and nature and shit. Nope.jpg.) When Roxy's awake, though, it's hard to remember that the walls are boring and rocky and the floor is hard and rocky and you are surrounded by boring hard rock and slumbering assholes and just about nothing else.

When she's awake you're too busy wanting to slap her across the snout. Only that'd be way too cheap.

"Choke on my hot long self-replicating worm, you script kiddie!"

"Iyaan, Solly-baby, what is this, it's too big, it'll never fit -- whoops I chomped it in half with my rad as hell firebirdwall. Hi there, nice files you have in that li'l folder!"

"Yeah, have fun with my dummy session while I slide all nice and tight in your backdoor--"

"You guys are the filthiest," says that other human girl, the short-and-round cerulean. ( She adds a sadly disappointed shake of her head... )

Sequel to the meme's previous Eridan/Nepeta.

--

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] changed his status to caligitaken! --

CG: WHAT.

-- caligulasAquarium [CA] is idle! Message: Mroww, mangy stray cat has clawws <3< --

CG: NO, SERIOUSLY, YOU NEED TO TELL ME WHAT.
CG: BEFORE THE GRUESOME EXPLOSION OF MY PAN SHOWERS THE WHOLE ISLAND IN FLAMING, PUTRID DEBRIS.
CG: ERIDAN? ERIDAN, YOU SAD LUSUS DIDDLER.

--

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] trolled arsenicCatnip [AC] --
( Read more... )

... And Also One Of The Moirails' Bulge, At Length.

Contains: Pale GH/Condie, PaleFlush Handmaid/Darkleer/Dad, horrible fish puns, the Grand Highblood's bulge.

----

-- tumblingCraniums [TC] started trolling codComplex [CC] --

TC: I AM SO MOTHERFUCKING SICK AND HELLS OF TIRED OF THAT FREAK-ASSED BLIGHTBLOOD NOT JUMPING ON MY FUCKING BULGE ALREADY.
TC: so tired and sick
TC: THE SHEER NERVE OF THAT SHINEBLOOD UPSTART DANGLING ME ON HIS BARBED STRING
CC: A][a][a][a][a.
CC: Don't tell me you still ][aven't gotten anyw][ere wit][ t][at ][uman.
TC: WON'T FUCKING TELL YOU THEN
TC: will keep my diamond shut in
TC: GETTING ITS DUST AND CRACKS ON LIKE SOME BITCH SLAMMED IT INTO THE GROUND AND GROUND HER PRETTY HEEL ALL UP ON IT FOR GOOD MEASURE.
CC: Fairly accurate!
CC: O][ w][ale! I need somefin to laug][ at and you'll keep w][ining if I don't let you carp on. ][arpoon away. ( Read more... )

So uh yeah. I don't want to post this one on AO3 yet because the one about discovering the humans now have wings is still a WIP and this one happens later on, but since i've talked about it around here...

Anyway.

John meets a grubbaby. u.u

( What he finds instead is a weird little roly-poly animal, curled into a wheel of slate gray, fleshy bits and fat little limbs and a shiny, lacquered, segmented shell on its back, and its butt looks kind of furry. )

:D for Siadea: "awake at night" about a year later, with Gamzee? (Alternately, Karkat or Gamzee explaining human parenthood to worried troll friends.)

I went with the alternate.

Man, I should cut down on my pesterlog habit, huh.

--

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has opened memo on board Everything is beautiful and nothing hurts --

CG: I HAVE A NUMBER OF QUICK ANNOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE BEFORE I GO CRASH IN MY PILE AND SLEEP THE GLORIOUS SLEEP OF THE UNDISTURBED. IF ANY OF YOU ASSHOLES ARE STILL AWAKE, SHUT UP.
CG: ITEM 0.
CG: HUMANS ARE THE BEST.
CG: I AM PROUD I CONTRIBUTED TO YOUR CREATION, HUMANS.
CG: ITEM 1.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] has joined the memo! --
-- gardenGnostic [GG] has joined the memo! --

CG: EMBARRASSING BUT ALSO A HUGE RELIEF! PLUS SOMETHING THE TROLLS AMONGST US NEED TO KNOW.
TA: gz ha2 been experiimentiing wiith reiinventiing 2opor for hiis piie2 and ii2 u2iing your biig flappiing facega2h a2 a hazardou2 wa2te dii2po2al.
CG: WHAT? NO
CG: ALSO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP AT THIS HOUR, GO TO SLEEP.
GG: umm karkat were on the next quarter slice of the planet from you, its ten in the morning here :/
CG: I WAS COUNTING ON BEING ABLE TO JUST TYPE IT UP AND LEAVE.
CG: ... OH, RIGHT. UM.
CG: OKAY, WHATEVER. I CAN ROLL WITH IT.
TA: alriight you're not kk, piie or not he never let2 anythiing go.
TA: ii'd 2ay congrat2 on hackiing hiim but hii2 computer 2ecuriity ii2 ju2t about the mo2t 2hameful mora22 of counterproductiive 2criipt kiiddiie mea2ure2, 2o...
CG: I WOULD TELL YOU TO GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THE WIDE EDGE OF A SILICOMB BUT ACTUALLY I'M JUST LAUGHING MY ASS OFF AT YOUR PITIFUL ATTEMPTS AT PROVOCATION.
CG: IN THE PARLANCE OF THE LOCALS: D'AWW, CAPTOR, D'AWWWW.
TA: the 2opor piie theory 2uddenly look2 plau2iible 2omehow.
( click for more!! )

The Kink Meme strikes again!

(Btw it now has moved to dreamwidth. Finding all those prompts I was planning to eventually fill will be awkward, and even reposting the old prompts, since the mods have apparentlyhidden all anon comments on LJ and most prompts ARE anon. argh. >:/ but nevermind.)

Prompt: delicious troll sandwich with human filling.
would love you forever, dear anons, if karkat was the one to suggest it but terezi makes it happen.
alien nook/bulge combo very much welcome.
DP isn't required, but if it is a thing that happens, loud dave losing his cool would make this 1000000 times hotter.
bonus - feel free to make multiple orgasms a thing. don't mind realism for humans here. (or just insert explanation of how it is possible thanks to some alien thing, either works). and troll stamina.
double bonus is dave is used as a bucket and it's treated as a lewd kink that turns the troll on even more

There is no actual porn in this part of the fic. I'm going on vacation for two weeks on monday and won't have internet access, so IDK if I'll have it finished before I go and once I'm gone not much writing might happen and there will definitely not be posting. ;_;

So today you only get the lead-up pesterlog, which might also be a standalone thing. Let's call it a prologue or a teaser or something. XD

GC: 1F YOU GUYS FORC3 M3 TO FL1P 4SH3N 4ND TH3R3FOR3 D3PR1V3 M3 OF 4LL TH4T 4CROB4T1C S3XU4L CONGR3SS W3 S1GN3D ON FOR *TH3 PUN1SHM3NT SH4LL F1T TH3 CR1M3 3X4CTLY*
GC: BY WH1CH 1 M34N MY C4N3 H1D3S TWO R3C3NTLY-SH4RP3N3D BL4D3S 4ND 1T S3R3ND1P1TOUSLY H4PP3NS TH4T B3TW33N TH3 TWO OF YOU YOU GUYS H4V3 TWO BON3BULG3S
GC: WH1CH M1GHT NOT ST4Y TH3 C4S3 LONG

( Clusterfuck )

EB: WHEN I SAID OKAY FINE JADE LET'S TRY TO **DISCREETLY** PUT OUT FEELERS I DIDN'T MEAN GO RIGHT UP TO HIM AND ASK HIM POINT BLANK IF HE'D LIKE TO STAR IN HIS OWN KINKTASTIC ALIEN PORNO!!!!!!!!
GG: >:/ oh yes because "btw do you have a gf" totally means "hey do you wanna be the yummy filling in a twin sandwich" in normal people land. dont be a buttface, john!! >:X

Sequel to Adventures in Collaborative Storytelling, that silly chat John/Jade(/Karkat) thing. Karkat is actually in this one!!! :O
Contains silliness, chat format, and sort-of-incesty bits. John/Jade/Karkat flirtiness, awkwardness, and some Karkat<>Gamzee. (gamzee's typing quirk has evolved for even more annoyance somehow! :O)

by the way it's totally part 1 of the sequel. yeah. um. yeah. .___.

( CG: ENLIGHTEN ME, JADE HUMAN, WHAT EXACTLY DID I SAY THAT SEEMED HUMOROUS TO YOU? BECAUSE I CAN GUARANTEE, NO MATTER WHAT IT WAS, IT WASN'T INTENDED THAT WAY. )