Life and Times of Teh Asuka

There's no way it's going to fit on either dreamwidth or LJ -- okay, maybe DW, but god do I not want to redo the coding right now. Maybe later. In the meantime here it is:

"Locked in," John confirmed. "All green." At least all the necessary crap for shuttle-assisted flight.

"Warhammer, prepare for launch in five, four, three…"

They were skipping a dozen steps at least. No preflight check. The hangar guys had probably done one in the hangar while someone was summoning Jake; it still wasn’t supposed to be enough.

(Excalibur was giving no pilot response. Echidna and Masamune were dead in space.)

All the pilot survival stuff like oxygen and heat checked out. He would just wing the rest.

"… one, ignition.”

The rocket roared, sound muted by Warhammer’s seals, so that John knew more by vibration than noise. A half-second later he didn’t need to feel vibrations; he felt the kick in his chest, in his neck, where for a moment it seemed he had left his organs behind, down under.

He went through his instrument checkup routine, now that it was too late to stop.

chapter 8

Anonymous asked: BT guys shower gangbang fantasy/embarassing wet dream?

(yay for fishing old prompts out of the abyss! weirdass floaty dream ahoy. contain vague dream porn, stealth angst and dreamy creepiness. also probably happens either during the first half of chapter 7 or before chpt7 entirely.)

--

He's walking at a fast pace in the weird alien corridors of this weird alien hive (not running, the labs will get him if he runs), turning left and right and left. He's alone, it's weird, he should find John (he should enjoy being alone but being alone here isn't safe, the labs will get him). He doesn't know where John is though, but yes, he knows, John is where John always goes.

( Read more... )

Anonymous asked: BT Johnkat in a jacuzzi? Or a hot spring or other such warm pool of water. To balance out your list of anime tropes! >.>

((NOT CANON FOR BATTLEFIELD TERRA. Also does not contain porn. Alas. roughly 1000 words.))

--

Dirk had explained, somewhat, that the pools were for relaxing in -- and he'd been dubious but after an afternoon spent with the aliens' war council he was just about ready to try anything that would take him off the edge.

Anything that wasn't going up to Mister Strider and beg for a quick pap, that was.

"You scumfucking highbloods," he commented, hands on his (clothed thank fuck) hips, a single toe in the holy shit that's warm water. Never mind relaxing, you'd melt in there. And who the hell went swimming to relax anyways, apart from gill-lickers.

It'd been five or six perigees. Aliens were still weirdos.

"[What (garblegarble) sayin Kaaaa(r)kaa(t)?]"

"[I say how this is fun?]"

( Read more... )

500 words of silliness. Age difference, humanstuck. College AU for anon.

( 'It's okay! We're just seducing you for better grades!' Poor Karkat, accosted by jailbait. What a tragic life a TA leads. )

CHAPTER COMPLETE BOOYAH.

also huge. Like over 75 pages long in Word/30k words huge. I don't think it's gonna fit on LJ otherwise than in at least seven pieces, so... i'm gonna be lazy and just post a link, i think. :X

=> http://askerian.dreamwidth.org/602101.html
OR
=> http://archiveofourown.org/works/365950/chapters/1761478

*crawl crawl flop* can't believe i completed this behemoth. someone love meeeeee. T^T

Half of the fic is humor and fluff and snarky dialogue (the snarky dialogue continues into the porn, tbh) (...in SPACE!! not that this is very plot-relevant. XD) The pairings are a big clusterfuck of overlapping two- and threesomes between Jade, Dave, Karkat, John and Terezi.

(the quadrant grid looks something like. uh. (john♦jade)♥karkat, terezi♥/♠karkat♥/♠dave, (john♠terezi)♣karkat, karkat♥jade♥dave etcetera etcetera. It's ridiculous.)

I love this 'verse. Might do more with it at a later date, idk. This fic is really just me catering to my poly needs in the most fun gratuitious way I could.

Also contains double penetration and recuperacoon sex. (that's basically a vat of goo that trolls sleep in, for those not up to date on homestuck lingo. XD)

( I would advise you to get your grubby claws off the gravity controls before I get to you, Mister Blueberry Surprise! )

(might reopen this and then it'll be open on lj/dw as well. atm a bit busy tho.)

Mostly Homestuck but some Gundam Wing as well. Also contains daemon ficlet, demon summoner AU AU, and BT!Karkat/General Harley.

--
thingsareswinging asked: Karkat/Meenah, Scheherazade!stuck
-
“For the love of little land sharks, I don’t even need the book anymore for that fucking story, I am not reading that fucking story once a fucking gain, I am so sick and tired of that fucking story I will erupt in a geyser of inner organs and vomit and turn myself inside out like a glove and die and why can’t we read a nice original romance for once or even some existential shit, I’ve got one with rowboats and three goldfish—”

She smirks and sprawls bare-belly up across his lap like the most dangerous, sexiest bookrest ever, and she snaps her fingers.

He wasn’t lying, for the next hour he doesn’t have to look at the book even once.
--

( about twenty more snippets )

This is not canon! XD Someone prompted Noahh with BT - Pillowforts (which was already eeeee <3 anon) and then she drew a cute pic and then she complained that they hadn’t kissed yet.

This is so not canon for Battlefield Terra. But there are kisses in it. And enough fluff to choke a bull. If I wasn’t sleep-deprived to hell and back I would have imploded before delivering up that much cute, and even then there’s a lot of ridiculousness and stealth angst in it.

1700 words.

--

Karkat has been looking dangerously depressed the last couple of days. Not even manta rays and baby penguins bitchslapping each other into holes cheer him up anymore. He just stares into nothingness and sighs when John tries to prod him awake.

He won't put on the telepathic headset, either. Not even angrily, just a tired, don't bother wave of his hand.

The situation is pretty dire! (the situation is terrifying; what if he falls into a depression from being cut off from his friends and country with no hope of ever going back, what if he goes back to catatonia land. Those what ifs are too much. John is pretending very hard he can fix this.) (John has to fix this.)

Plan B is to sit on Karkat until he agrees to talk it out. Plan A is a little subtler.
(Not a LOT subtler, but.)

( Read more... )

In the last week John had started collecting objects he could afford to see brutally destroyed. Not for Karkat's weirdo nest, but to throw over the foot of his bed and wake him up when he was in the middle of a nightmare, before morning-zombie Dave decided to stumble out of bed and wake the alien up his own special way. They did not have enough towels on the whole island to sponge up that much blood.

(John had made the mistake of lobbing his own pillow exactly once. Jake and Dirk were still finding bits and pieces of memory foam in their sheets four days later.)

( Read more... )

Color and animation by ashdenej on a sketch done by Andrew Hussie (yes really XD)

And then Jesse reblogged mentioning he wanted to see that AU.

I would never have seen this glorious thing without him, so. I was like okay that should be a simple little drabble and the pic is hilarious and it’s really fun spending three hours hashing out who's who for background that'll never even show up in the story anyway.

Seven thousand words later...! :X

Oneshot, complete, Dave?Karkat?John, woo quadrant confusion.

--

Karkat blamed it all on Missus Jane.

He had a lot of time to review it in his mind, and while most of his attention was taken up by rage and mortal terror the rest of his brain could still follow a chain of causality to the source, thank you very much. The logic was flawless.

Jane English worked at the bakery. Jane made amazing bread, amazing cakes, and amazing food in general. So amazing that the nearby saloon had given up trying to compete, and gone into business with the bakery -- which resulted in the saloon owner's younger son, David Burt Strider, doing deliveries.

To, among other places, Karkat's ranch. (Well, Missus Peixes' ranch, at which he worked. But.)

"Faster, damn you, faster, we'll lose him in the canyons!"

So Karkat could already blame meeting that lusus-haired, stone-faced varmint in the first place on Missus Jane. And meeting him ... again, and again, and again, for the daily deliveries, because somehow it had become his job to receive them and his coworkers refused to let him foist it off on them, not even if he offered to trade for stable mucking seriously what in tarnation.

Hell. On. Earth.

"Faster, huh? Got me an idea that'll help with that. Jump off and run!"

"Fuck you sideways with a rusty spur."

"Not on my poor innocent horse, Vantas, for shame."

Jane English, née Crocker, was also the young and lovely wife of one Jake English, grandson of sheriff English. That only mattered insofar as linking him to the existence of Jade Harley, Sheriff English's other grandchild. (Small-town bingo; every single human was somehow linked to someone else in some strange nonsensical way. Karkat couldn't blame Jane for Jade. Jade was okay, and not only because she'd put some steel in Tavros' spine by some arcane means none of the trolls understood but which made them all quite envious of the results of having a human for a palemate.)

(Then again, for a human, Jade Harley made a pretty good troll.)

(End digression.)

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit not over the trunk Strider do not go over the trunk I will fall I will take you with me --"

Jane English, née Crocker, also happened to be related somehow by ways Karkat did not give half a fuck about to a preacher man in want of a parish.

Who had a son.

Who had a son who had by ways of Jade Harley gotten introduced to Dave Strider, who had then decided to introduce him to Karkat.

Well, actually, "don't flatter yourself, nubbly, any troll would do. Can you believe in those so-called Civilized Territories they don't really believe you good fellows exist."( Read more... )