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Fic - Homestuck - Battlefield Terra chapter 4 (part 2 of 2)
Part 1
Twenty minutes later breakfast was over and Jade and Jake were taking their turn at gathering the dirty dishes; Dirk, come late and not hungry, was drinking coffee at the counter while the rest of the group sat very civilly at the table. No one had jumped over it to go after anyone's throat or had an inconvenient panic attack, which was obviously a great success.
It was a wonder who was the most tense, Jane or Karkat. Maybe John ought to bring Karkat back to the bedroom for some alone-time; being surrounded on all sides by humans wasn't doing wonders for his blood pressure. (Having her home invaded by alien space monster wasn't helping Jane's either.)
He was about to mention it, only Roxy burst in from the door, waving something in the air. "Success!"
She was holding two half-circle things in bright pink. The inside wobbled and shone in a manner strangely reminiscent of jello. Rose smiled in clear satisfaction. "Did you test them?"
"Pretty good fit. They're even adjustable a bit."
"What's that?" John asked, eyebrows scrunching in confusion.
Rose gave him a faint, catlike smirk. "That thing you were told not to worry about."
"The -- I thought you were going after the goo! Not -- uh, what was it you've done?"
"The scientists have been working to reproduce the neurotransmitter fluid for the last week. Something in the formula must be a bit off, because it keeps turning up as gel instead, but the tele-empathic component works fine."
Roxy took over, leaning over Karkat's lap to show John the inside of the devices. The things looked like pretty wide Alice bands, only there were two parts to the sides that pivoted down, kind of like a mic arm on a headset only much higher. "These flippy bits are supposed to go on your temples. Anyway, so then when we add very simple radio transmitters and other doodads, the neuroelectrical impulses are encoded and transmitted via radio waves and when they get to the other side they get translated back into brain stuff! Wireless mindmeld. Isn't that the coolest?"
John couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, yeah, it's pretty cool." He reached for one of the offered headsets (wasn't gonna call them Alice bands!), turning it over in his hands. The inside was damp to the touch, a bit gross. Still not as gross as the original snot bath. "So you just put it on and...?"
"Yup! The range isn't great yet, but this is just our first attempt. Maybe the width of the room."
John flipped the arm thingers on his temples, tugging locks of his hair free and fiddling with the flexible metal until skin contact was established. Ugh, it really did feel like jello in his hair, only it wasn't squelching all over the place in a big great mess. Beside him Roxy was cheerfully arranging Karkat's own mess of hair as he sat with his eyes closed and jaw clenched and breathing deeply through his nose, as if praying for just a little goddamn patience it doesn't even hurt I can deal with that massive fucking bullshit okay one more second great now another one why is she fondling my fucking horns?!
John burst out laughing. "It works! Hey, Karkat."
A flash of incomprehension, and then Karkat jerked to stare at him.
It was like a tidal wave of gutpunch refusal, backed by horror and furious determination. The next second Karkat's chair was on the floor, the teleband had been flung on the table, and Karkat himself was five steps back and still retreating slowly after his first scramble, fists raised, fangs bared.
John didn't need it to understand the words, but Jade translated anyway. "Um, this one is 'no', this one is also 'no'... 'no, no, no', and I think the rest in between are swear words."
John glanced at the rest of his friends. Jake and Rose were on the wrong side of the table with Jane, though it might be quickly crossed; Roxy and Jade stood beside him, looking a bit nonplussed. Dirk had drained his coffee and put it down on the counter and twisted his wrist just so; the handle of his monofilament blade slipped from his sleeve into his palm smooth as a dream. John pushed himself up on his feet before he could unwind the blade itself.
"Karkat?"
A rattling growl rose from his throat, growing into a full-fledged, fangs-baring snarl. John grimaced a little.
"No, hey, shh, it's fine."
Apparently shushing the alien was a mortal insult of some sort, because a burst of furious words ensued, accompanied by an angry hand gesture that might have pimpslapped John to the ground had he been anywhere close to in range. But he wasn't going to corner him if he didn't have to...
"Fido trying to run away?" Dave drawled from the staircase. John winced. Aw crap.
Karkat flinched around, stared at Dave as he walked down the last steps to the doorway that led outside, planted himself there, and casually brought out his blade.
Bzzzz, unspooled and stiffening with a crackle of electricity.
If he let that go a second longer this would turn into the clusterfuck of the year. John stepped forward, spine straightening, eyebrows furrowed. "Dave, put that down. Karkat, sit."
His pointing at the couch behind the alien was hopefully clear enough, in case he'd forgotten the word. John gave him a hard stare, to underline it, and then went back to pay attention to Dave, like he had no reason to even worry about what would happen if Karkat didn't.
"Dave, it's fine, he hasn't hurt anyone. Might have broken the --"
ohwowsoneatohwowHIJOHN!!
"--Hi Jade. Ow." Okay it's not broken can you take it off please like right now? kinda busy fretting I MEAN LEADERING here ohgodclusterfuck monofilamentblade it dices it slices it Striderizes auuugh.
Haha misterbadass allgooeyinside. And then Jade's inner voice mercifully went off. "It's not broken! So cool."
"Yeah, yeah, it's pretty neat -- Karkat, I told you to sit."
The alien had stepped back until his legs almost bumped into the couch, and his fighting stance had shifted into something that seemed more of a 'oh shit in which direction do I run now' -- his eyes kept jumping from Dave to John -- but Dave would get him if he tried to go around him to the staircase, and the windows were all the way back toward the table and the kitchen, and besides they would all take too long to open.
John held his open hand back; "Jade, give me the thing, please." She put it into his hand.
Not even Rose objected to him trying it again, not the smallest 'blahblah traumatism be patient.' John wasn't... he couldn't, anyway, he'd promised them they would get intel in return for their support and he couldn't afford to come across as a pushover to Karkat if he was going to be responsible for him.
"Sit down."
After a few long seconds where John was almost, sickeningly sure he'd have to enforce his order, the alien took a few steps back and lowered himself on the cushions at the far end of the couch. Bright red welled from his clenched left fist.
John took a seat on the other end of the couch in silence, handed over the headset. Karkat took it with forced caution, stared at it for a second, breathed out, slid it back on. On his palm were the blood-smeared imprints of his claws.
... out of my fucking head, stay out of my fucking head, stay out no I don't want you in here, I'll tear out your lungs and wear them as a hat I don't even care if your attack dog cuts me up in slices to be gently roasted for your fucking alien breakfast stay the fuck out.
You're bleeding.
Amazing powers of observation genius gonna go far like that be General one day (forced me last time pushed it hurt you had no right none of you had any right!)
John winced. "I'm sorry."
Liar.
Ouch. ... I'm not sorry I looked / needed to know importantmaybe. It hurt you I didn't like that felt wrongbadno.
A slap of incredulity/yeahright pull the other one hit him in the brain. Behind it was a trace of confusion, why? and nerves because... huh, John thought, because he had his little idea and he hoped rather dearly to be wrong.
Wasn't looking for personal stuff sorry for that. Just war-relevant stuff, not private, duty as a soldier you know? Yours and mine. Could have been urgent, couldn't afford to wait.
He couldn't help remembering the horror he'd felt seeing that other alien in Karkat's mind, the one buried in tentacles, trapped there like he was slowly getting ... cannibalized alive? something like that. From the way Karkat flinched he could feel the echo.
Wasn't urgent. (Never urgent again.) So when are you killing me?
John stared, nonplussed. "Uh?"
... Public execution rah-rah look at our glorious army and those evilstupidweak things who dare attack us hahasofunny? A gray alien in chains paraded toward, oh god, was that a ... whipping post? funeral pyre? John could only see the waiting chains and feel the anticipation of a pain reminiscent of the times he'd burned his hand cooking or trying to fix overheated motors, only a hundred times worse. Rallying the troops? Propaganda?
"Oh god. Never." Nonononono. Also the population doesn't know we captured you yet, just that your mech is down. Probably never will just for that reason they'd all want your head no way.
... I'm hidden/state-secret?
Pretty much.
... Nightmare-beastgods from the star-void on a flying, shit-spraying horse. I'm going to spend the rest of my natural life with the interrogation/torture division.
John was torn between laughing at the incongruous curse and wincing. Nooo, I got you, not handing you back. I'll bite!
Karkat yanked the headband off his head. John blinked; the alien stared at him, eyes a bit too round, turning in his seat so he'd face John, so John mirrored him, eyebrows furrowed in sheer bafflement.
He pointed at the teleband. "Put that back on," he said, imitating his dad's 'It's Bedtime Yes Really' Voice.
Karkat held out his hand, palm first (huh, the cuts were ringed with crusty blood, but pretty much done bleeding) and pinched the bridge of his nose with his other hand. John frowned a little more and crossed his arms. "I'll wait two minutes, tops."
"John? What's going on?"
John looked at Rose over his shoulder and shrugged his confusion. "Dunno, I think I said something weird. He was asking when we were going to hand him back to the interrogation guys! So I said never, that's when. I think he doesn't believe me."
Karkat was muttering to himself again, eyes closed, still rubbing at the bridge of his nose. John folded his leg on the couch and stretched it to nudge Karkat's knee with his toes. Tap tap.
A heaving sigh. Karkat settled the teleband back on. Fucking disgusting on my horns urgh squelching.
"Pff." So are they telepathic or something?
What?
Your (tiny round cutest) horns! Because last time you seemed to hear me way better once the goo got on them.
Go crawl in a charnel house ditch and die suffocating under the weight of the rotting bodies already. Not cute! and yes of course they aaaaaaaa not answering your questions what next a list of known issues?
"Bwahaha. Too late."
... what do you want?
The 'you' came attached with an impression of John's own face and some almost-words that felt like 'pink-outside bigtoothed tent-making blue alien'. Not you-humans or you-group but definitely you-John. It felt a lot... quieter wasn't quite the right word, because John could perceive it just as well as the rest, but it didn't feel as spread out all over the place. It was all... tight, squeezed into one clear, delimited packet of meaning, with no surrounding brouhaha of background feelings and afterthoughts.
John shrugged. He didn't really expect anything. You not to die? Or go away inside your head again that crap is very disturbing you know. My friends have questions, we want to know about your people, maybe the war why? Need food, resources, distraction for the populace?
For the glory of the empire, Karkat retorted straight away, teeth bared in challenge, only there was a discordant echo in the background that said, for -- And stop pushing!
"Ow!"
"Ow?" Roxy repeated, concerned.
John blinked at Karkat for a couple of seconds, dumbfounded. "Uh, wow. He kinda... slapped me. Inside my head? It doesn't hurt for real, I just wasn't expecting it. Wow." How'd you do that? Neat.
... Basic psychic trick, are you brain-damaged?
Well sorry can't practice basic psychic tricks we don't have psychics, do you?
Karkat didn't even need to answer; his utter bafflement at the question was confirmation enough. "Guys, if the goo wasn't enough of a hint, the aliens have psychics! I mean like people who can do that stuff, not just by bathing in magic mind-reading snot."
Thank you so very much for that delightful image urgh.
John couldn't help but laugh at that, and for a second he could have sworn Karkat sort of maybe wanted to smile back a tiny bit, or at least sigh in a longsuffering, tolerant way. The second he noticed, Karkat noticed it too, and his mind hardened again, all background leakage stopped cold.
So. Keeping me for intel. Is the merciful act supposed to soften me up? humiliate me into surrendering? What the fuck are you up to? I might get along with shit to spare me pointless pain (not a coward shut up shut up shutup) but I'm not going to betray my people. (didn't even have the fucking decency of threatening me openly fuck you with a rusty spike.)
Uh, what. When did I threaten you? I mean no you said I didn't openly but I didn't at all?... no okay I wanted you to sit the hell down but that's because honestly what the heck you were panicking there was no reason and Dave would have cut you into bite-sized cubes if you rushed him also you can't escape Noir would gloat and grab you back fuck him no.
He'd just send Karkat back to the labs and now that he was awake again they'd probably go right back to poking and prodding and testing possible bio-weapons. John wondered if they'd tried the goo on him, too? (yes they had of course, tried to force their way in most of them were just garbled voices got nothing but it hurt anyway keeping them out wore him down -- easier to go away.)
Karkat's mind voice went weary; his hand clenched on the front of his shirt, claw tips going through the cloth. Ordering me like I'm broken already (like I'm so weak you didn't even need to break me.)
I'm not going to break you! I don't want that to happen to you. Or to anyone! It's not right. He bit his lip. I don't think you're a coward. You're alone and you understand nothing of what's going on and you've gotten hurt already, it's scary. I'd be scared too.
Karkat closed his eyes and rubbed at the base of his horns like he was getting a headache. His mind stayed clamped down, blocking his reaction. ... just tell me the terms already.
Uh. Okay. I'm responsible for you so unless one of my friends takes over for a bit you have to stay with me. You don't have to be close but you do have to be in the same room. Uhh. No leaving the building and absolutely no attacking people, I'm serious about that one it's not going to happen. None of my friendsalliesfamily want to hurt you either, no reason to.
Karkat stared at him, expression blank with incomprehension, even his mind murmuring too quietly for John to untangle the little whispers into anything coherent.
... War prisoner/intel to take? (Dumbass.)
"Hey!" I don't know how it goes in your weird alien ships or on your weird alien planet but here it's not a good reason.
Hello how are you do you want some tea will you pretty please betray your people for us we have tasty treats? No? Okay then! Don't take me for a fucking rot-brained moron.
"Goddamn it." John slammed his fist down on the back of the couch, making the frame groan even through the padding, and glared. "Do you want us to torture you?! Is that it? Some kind of fucked-up fetish?!"
Karkat hissed back and got into his face, snarling out something so low it made John's bones resonate with it. Like you didn't hand me off to them before oh lord Grand Squeamish!
It was different it was urgent you've been here ten days now what the hell kind of current intel do you even still have?! You left on a fucking suicide mission anyway who'd have trusted you with it!
No response, just a swirl of complicated, flickering feeling he didn't have time to name, quicksilver that fled his grasp and wind-fast razor slices of ragehatefight and fearpainno. John sighed and sank back down into the cushions.
... political thing, I don't know how to explain. We answer to the Earth government but not always, we're strong we protect they owe us.
... ah.
Karkat was still listening, frowning at him, not quite meeting his eyes but waiting for more, so John kept going, trying to explain the situation as well as he could.
Kinda allied-but-separate? Couldn't fight you guys as well too much death but we can and we do and they owe us.
Karkat made a little grunt of surprise-acknowledgement, mind sparking with a brief mix of "huh" and "aha." John briefly wondered if he wasn't giving him a bit too much intel. ... Oh well, it wasn't as if he'd ever be allowed to go free. Besides they had to have noticed it was always the same eight mechs who came back at them, and their piloting styles were all pretty distinctive.
Anyway re: torture medical procedures are one thing, sometimes they hurt but it's not the point. Interrogation happens, sometimes it goes too far or turns bad, some humans do like to torture, or think it's a necessary method or use it as an excuse to get out their misplaced asshole issues but torture is a repugnant practice and so long as you're in our custody it's not going to happen to you and we'll be fighting tooth and nail to keep you and we all bite really hard. Okay? Okay.
Sigh. "He still doesn't believe me about the torture thing, guys. Argh. Like... really loudly doesn't believe me." So frustrating! They were telepathing to each other for god's sake, he should have felt John meant it.
... can't believe you want nothing for it.
My friends will have questions about science things. I don't get it just a fighter. Also your society things how it works and stuff? Maybe language not everyone wants to try the goo. That's not state secrets.
No -- you! What do you want? Wasting all those favors on protecting me?!
"AUUUUGH." John grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled. I like you, stupid! I don't want anything. And protecting you from torture that's not even about me liking you it's about that shit is abhorrent and will not happen on my watch I'd have done it either way!
(Maybe with less random hugs. Uh. But he just couldn't take that defeated, subdued look in his eyes.)
This time Karkat was very careful when he removed the headset. He lowered it to his lap, staring down at nothing in particular, eyes a little too wide, breathing a little too controlled.
"Uh. Karkat? What did I say now?"
No reaction. John threw a look back at his friends. Dave had a shoulder against the doorframe and his arms crossed and seemed ready to hold up the wall there all day. The rest were at the table, keeping an eye on the two of them, but also doing god knew what on Roxy's laptop. Jane was typing away, a bit too pale but nodding along with Roxy's comments in her ear. Rose was petting Jaspers, who sniffed at the table where Karkat had been seated in wary interest. John supposed it had to be boring from the outside, apart from the random grimaces and the occasional outburst.
Jade noticed his mildly panicked expression and got up, wandering up to them. She didn't come in reach of the couch, though, didn't sit, hands linked behind her back as she leaned forward to peer at both their faces. Karkat didn't react to her either.
"What did you say?"
"That even if I didn't like him I wouldn't let people hurt him? And I do like him. I mean, he's so grumpy, but at the same time he's, I don't know." He looked at Karkat again, but the alien didn't look any closer to putting his headset back on. John looked up at Jade, met her little wince with a frustrated grimace. "The way he reacted you'd think it was a surprise!"
"I call dibs on head bridesmaid," Dave drawled from the door.
"Oh, fuck you."
"Do you even still count as a maid?" Dirk wondered.
"Lies and slander, Jade will make a honest woman out of me any day now."
Jade snickered; John couldn't help but join her. "As if! Everyone knows I was only using you for your body."
(Man it was such a relief that they could joke about it now, because during and for a few months after the breakup, wowza.)
When he looked back at Karkat, a smile still on his lips, he was met with red-gold straight on. Karkat's face was intensely serious and slightly apprehensive, like he had something to say that he was pretty sure John wouldn't like, and might react badly to. John sighed and leaned his body forward, tilted his head, made sure his voice wasn't aggressive or loud at all. "Buddy? It's okay." He rested his hand on the alien's shoulder, patting in what he hoped was a soothing manner.
Karkat flinched, dodged out from under his hand, and took a deep bracing breath before he jammed the headset back on.
I have a boyfriend already, okay?!
For a few long seconds John could do nothing but splutter. Also, turn a pretty nice brick red. Holy mother of fuck.
"W-what? Why the hell -- what? You -- what?"
Karkat bit his lip and briefly looked away, and when he looked back he -- his inner voice, his face, they were so earnest it made John's brain explode in horror and stall for the third time in as many minutes. I'm sorry seriously but you've got to stop doing that soothing shit, I'm not cheating on him, I love that stupid wreck. I don't care if I'll never see him again, he... fuck. Karkat flinched, a burst of pain flashing past his tight grip on his background thoughts. (I'll never see him again sosorry I'm a fucking asshole should just go and die--)
This time John was the one taking off the headset for a bit. Holy crappalooza.
"... And in this exhibit we have the amazing human chameleon, attempting to match that cushion over there... Hm, not quite scarlet enough, but a pretty good try."
John gritted his teeth and refused to turn to look at him, voice coming out a growl. "Dave, I will kick you in the knee."
He jammed the headset back on. Okay, NO. I am not interested in you romantically! No way, no how, where the heck did you get that idea from?!
Karkat spluttered, threw a hand up in the air to gesture with as he snarled back. Shall I count the ways? You kidnapped me back! You built me an alien pillowthing! You guarded me as I slept! You keep calming me and hugging me and oh yeah wasting all your owed favors on me! You saw me being weak and hurt and a total wreck and you -- immediately you -- you decided I could do with your all-benevolent protection?! We were fighting a moment ago!
Now it was apparently John's turn to splutter. Basic decency is suspicious now?! Is platonic not a thing where you crazyaliens come from?
Oh hey they were both on their feet now, mind-yelling in each other's face. John had a hard time not yelling for real, had to content himself with curled-up lips and wordless noises of frustration, but he'd probably die if his friends got to hear what this was about. God, Dave alone could milk this for ten years; what Dirk and Rose could do with it didn't bear thinking about.
I have absolutely no, zero, null, void-of-space romantic designs on you!
... Okay, sure! It wasn't like that. Willing to believe such intense denial -- loud + wordy = true!
John growled and crossed his arms. Thank you.
You were staring at my crotch.
Spittake. That was just morbid curiosity! Come on you looked too I'm weird to you you're weird to me that's all!
Karkat watched him with his eyes narrowed, blistering disbelief plastered on every single square inch of his face. You made me lay down with you on a --
Oh holy mother of god. John went meep and took a step back. The heat that had started to leave his face rushed back with a vengeance, even his eyeballs felt too hot. Holy shit. Just, holy shit.
"Okay, enough mystery, what the fuck are the two of you talking about?"
"Yeah, seriously," Roxy said, "it was funny dubbing the two of you but now I think it'd be waaay funnier to know what's actually going on!"
"... Haha. Um. Neat factoid for the xenosocio magazines, guys! Aliens don't sleep on beds. Turns out what we call a bed they call, um, a." Gulp. "Sex platform?"
We sleep on them! he hurried to explain. It's just for sleep! We don't, they're not just for sex!
... Huh. Squinty, suspicious frown. Not just for sex?
"Oh, really," went Rose somewhere behind him, in a way that had John flinching again.
... Okay sometimes people have sex on them it's very practicalcomfynice I guess but I just, sometimes people share? To sleep? Platonically?
"Welp. Rox, you've got the shotgun, you get to be in that wedding party after all. Someone's got to stand in for his alien dad."
"... Am I to understand that John and the alien shared his bed yesterday night?"
Jake smothered a burst of laughter behind his hand, eyes gleaming with warring commiseration and hilarity. "They sure did. Oh darn, does that mean you're alien married now?"
Amidst all the people laughing at his pain and the people bemoaning his amazing ability to create diplomatic incidents out of thin air, John wasn't expecting to be slapped over the head, hard enough to make him pitch forward. He turned around to protest. "Hey--"
His sister stood there and not at the other end of the room anymore, hands shaking, jaw clenched, eyes a bit too bright.
"Uh. Janey?"
"... You made him share your bed."
"I didn't know it was a weird alien thing!" he protested. Jane threw up her hands in the air.
"You knew he was worried about rape! What the hell were you thinking?!"
John flinched again, guilt choking him, replacing his embarrassment with something worse. "I wasn't, okay?! I wasn't thinking, I was just tired and I didn't want to sleep on the floor and it was more than wide enough for two and he--" looked scared (looked interesting) and it was John's stupid bed drat it such silly unfounded fears as if he could ever (why don't you trust me already) "-- and I, I wasn't thinking, it was an asshole move. You're right. Shit."
Jane took in a shuddery breath, eyes closed, and then looked over John's shoulder at Karkat, straight on, pretty much for the first time. "...John? Translate for me."
"Uh, sure." When he turned back to Karkat, the alien was staring at the two of them, eyebrows raised, eyes wide, pretty much floored. Aw crap, no doubt he'd been treated to a front seat concert of that whole mess at full volume.
"Alrighty! My brother is an idiot."
"Hey!" Glower. He wilted. She says, my brother is an idiot.
For a fleeting moment it looked almost as if Karkat was about to crack a smile. Tell her I was starting to get that impression.
... I kinda hate you sometimes.
Aaand this was a... not a smile, definitely a smirk. Made a couple of small fangs peek out at the quirked corner of his lips. Stop flirting and translate already.
"Ngrhk." John glared, face reddening once again. "His Majesty Karkitty tells me to tell you he was getting that impression already gnagnagna."
Jane's lips twitched a bit at the corner. "Well. He does seem to be a smart young man."
John huffed, puffing up his cheeks. "If you like him so much why don't you marry him already," he mumbled.
"Jolly good job not sounding like a kindergartener here!"
Maturely, John decided that the best answer to this had to be sticking out his tongue and going bleeeeeh. Jane ignored him pointedly.
"So... If your -- your species does not sleep on, ah, cushioned surfaces, where does it?"
John re-thought it for Karkat's benefit, in case overhearing John hearing it wasn't enough, and then tacked on, I, uh, take it you don't want to keep sleeping in my bed. Even if I'm on the floor.
The grimace Karkat made had him choke back a guilty laugh, only for that laugh to escape anyway as the alien threw an image at him, of a wide mattress in a dim-lit room and Karkat rolled in a ball in the middle with an apprehensive, vaguely disgusted look on his face as music started slipping in from the corners. "Pff. Aliens have porn music too!"
In which a reluctant young warrior is held captive by an oddly charismatic alien leader who sets about seducing him via utter decadence and inappropriate touching, features several love-to-hate-and-back scenes of passion, interspersed with slapstick language-barrier humor and random assaults by evil, nonsexy aliens, while the war slowly becomes a footnote amidst enough intercourse to chafe a professional whore raw. Karkat's chuckle was rough, quiet, both sarcastic and self-conscious somehow. So... no thanks very flattered go fuck yourself.
John couldn't breathe for laughing, though his face kept burning from imagining himself dressed like a pseudo-sultan from some old harem-themed softcore porn story. You asshole. Sowrong. Sooowrong. Anyways so where do you want to sleep!
Relief and disbelief kept roiling behind the sudden amusement, dizzying. I want anywhere but a sexplatformbed thanks kindly. Stake-lined animal pit? Bird perch? Lava bath?
Pfffhahahaha.
"I take it the wedding is back on track?"
"Oh, fuck you, Dave," John replied with a wide grin. "You're just jealous. I'd look so much better in white than you ever would. You'd be all washed out and also it'd totally be false advertising anyway."
"Ahem. John. If you please."
"Okay, okay." John went back to Karkat, who shrugged and looked away, scratching the underside of his jaw.
I'll make, something, John didn't quite get it, but he got the sense that Karkat would rather figure it out alone, that it made him feel awkward to ask it out of them. He shrugged and turned back to his sister, waiting with her hands on her hips and an eyebrow smartly arched. "He says he can manage on his own and please to be butting out." It'll have to be in our room though.
A dismissive shrug, though Karkat was frowning a little like he wasn't entirely comfortable about it.
We can make a tent around it if you--
We nothing, butt out already you freakish bigtoothed nosy asshole. I alone.
Faint tension still came through even with Karkat's decisive words, nervousness. John didn't need to be thwapped by Jane again to get that one. He shrugged and replied, okay, if you insist. Offer's open.
Yeah. I... thanks. He sank back down on the couch, elbows dropping on his knees with a big gusty sigh, tension gradually flowing out of his frame. It's just weird. You say you're not flirting but you do that stuff. It's... not flirting for you?
John mock-cringed and flopped beside him, cushions bouncing under them both. Ohgod definitely not.
Karkat contemplated that for a couple of seconds, and then gave a slow headshake. ... Aliens are so fucking weird.
Man, tell me about it.
"Well. If you two are friends again."
John blinked up. Oh uh, Jane. Right. "You wanna sit down, Janey?"
She shook her head. She looked a tiny bit calmer than she'd been, but the way she watched Karkat was still cautious, alert, tracking his every little gesture. It'd probably take her way longer than that to relax around him. John couldn't help the warm, bittersweet burst of tenderness at how brave she'd been, coming to defend Karkat from his asshole moment even feeling like that, just because it was the right thing to do. Dad would be super extra proud, he was sure.
"No, thank you. I'll, perhaps Rose could come and talk with the two of you, I'll take notes. Rose?"
"Of course," Rose replied, and as Jane made a controlled, straight-backed escape, came over to join them in the TV corner, her cat in her arms. Karkat's eyes almost crossed from staring at him. Rose's lips quirked at the corner; she seated herself on a pillow on the coffee table, knees pressed together very properly. "I'm curious, do you understand what we say through John's own understanding of our words, or does he need to repeat?"
Karkat's brow furrowed.
"Oh, uh, I think I have to pay a bit more attention than that, sorry." Jaspers was purring and kneading at her lap; John reached out to give him a scritch.
I... understand a bit? It's more vague. General sense of things.
"Huh, makes sense. He kinda gets echoes, I think."
"Hm." Karkat was still stealing glances at the cat; she smiled. "This is Jaspers. Do your people keep pets?"
From the confusion he answered with when John passed it along, the answer was obviously no. "I don't think he even has a concept of it. Do you guys even have domesticated animals?"
... Draft beasts to pull, or ride. Big beasts. Sometimes hunting ones to track with. What does this one do?
"Uh, nothing, it's a pet. Er, Rose?"
"A pet is a small, tamed animal that lives inside a person's house. It does not work for its keep as it is kept purely for the pleasure of its company."
Heh, sounded kind of a bit like--
... John if you are keeping me as a pet I will pull out your intestines through your nostrils and make you a noose from them and swing you from the lamp and I will take the greatest care to make sure you stay alive every tortuous inch of this process.
John cracked up. "What? No! No no no."
"... times like these," Dave muttered from his corner, "I kind of wish this were three ways. But then I remember, alien in my brain. Nope!"
John snickered at him and turned back to Karkat. Good thing you can't speak to Dave he'd never stop bringing it up. He'd get you fake kitty ears and a collar with a bell. It'd be ridiculous. He couldn't help imagining Karkat tearing around the room in a rage, shredding everything with his claws like Mutie'd done a couple of times.
Karkat stared at him in suspicion and a burst of nerves, and then before John could reassure him that he was just kidding around, rolled his eyes. If you put a collar on me it'd be your goddamn floppy dick I tear to shreds, asshole.
John grinned back at him. No worries, way too kinky for me.
"John, if you would please stop cutting me out of the conversation before I drop Jaspers on your head."
"Whoops. Sorry Rose. It's just so much fun being able to talk to him. He's so grumpy, it's hilarious."
Karkat growled under his breath and glowered at him. An image of the alien kicking his ankle ghosted through John's mind, a sense of intent, only to be replaced by a flash of seven other humans descending from above with swords in hand and transforming him into a pincushion. She wanted to talk let her talk stop being the high king of idiots, lord protector of stupidland, all hail his unmatched dearth of brainmeat.
A strange expression crossed Rose's face but John was laughing too much to ask straight away and when he was done she looked perfectly normal. Huh, never mind. "John. Don't make me hit you. Karkat -- as John might or might not have mentioned, there are questions we would be thankful to have answered."
But John says no torture you can't make me. A niggling doubt that John was just lying to him. John hesitated to answer it. In the end he didn't, merely paraphrased for Rose, "He doesn't want to and you can't make him."
"We can provide other incentive. If nothing else you'll eventually get quite bored, being locked in here. And -- John, transmit this. No anger, no protest, just transmit it. We are in a delicate political situation and we might be pressured into giving you up." John glowered, but repeated, though the words took on a harsh undertone from his own frustrated denial. "The situation becomes easier if we have tidbits to appease people with, especially since your previous custodians were, after a certain time, able to extract precisely jack shit."
Bitter pride flickered at that. He had stonewalled them pretty good, huh. Couldn't stop scientists from canvassing his body inch by inch with their cold fingers and colder machines but could sure shred the mind of any fool who tried to follow him in too deep, wasn't going to be hurt twice and they were so garbled anyway, so graceless, he learned more than they did. Even if so much of it was fucking useless, incomprehensibly alien.
John's eyes prickled with something he didn't want to think too hard about, lest Karkat hiss at him for caring too much again.
"For now we are mostly interested in basic biology, as some of your organs don't seem to have analogous functions to human ones, and language."
So you can spy on our transmissions?
"If there is anything to be said on open transmissions one would hope they would be encrypted."
... Point, I guess, Karkat grumbled, but glared at John sullenly when he relayed that to Rose.
"Later, as we build more trust, perhaps you will feel willing to offer advice as to the best ways to work repairs on your mech, as biotechnology isn't--"
Karkat had been pretty subdued around Rose, comparatively; John noticed that because suddenly he was up on his feet and leaning forward so fast the cat startled and scampered off. The link was burning with what?!, with needtoknow, with please, with the hulking nightmare shape of pincers and mandibles and two too many arms--
"Oh god," John choked out, caught unable to breathe in Karkat's own breathless terror-hope. "Rose, he's. He's asking if it's still alive."
And as behind her Dirk and Dave and Roxy slowly lowered their blades and guns Rose herself didn't move an inch, not even to lean away from the crazy-eyed alien quivering with tension in her face, only to smile, slow and satisfied. "Well then, here is our first bit of incentive. I knew we would find something."
SHIT ADI AND I SAID DURING THE WRITING:
I like you, stupid! I don't want anything. And protecting you from torture that's not even about me liking you it's about that shit is abhorrent and will not happen on my watch I'd have done it either way!
This time Karkat was very careful when he removed the headset. He lowered it to his lap, staring down at nothing in particular, eyes a little too wide, breathing a little too controlled.
"Uh. Karkat? What did I say now?"
Askerian: (IT WAS PALE AT FIRST SIGHT.)
Adi: hahahahaha
Adi: Jade abandoned Dave with the baby
Askerian: XD
Adi: won't pay child support
Askerian: XDDD
Adi: barely even calls her own kid
Adi: u.u
Adi: I feel like Karkat should come in at the tail end of this and be sort of horrified
Askerian: XD
Askerian: i don't even know if he'd understand anything at all
Adi: he'd definitely get a mental image of Dave gestating a baby in his stomach.
Adi: I feel this would leave a false impression on how humans reproduce
Adi: one day he and John will be about to do the nasty and Karkat will go "WAIT BUT WHAT IF YOU START GROWING A HUMAN MADE OF OUR COMBINED GENETIC MATERIAL IN YOUR STOMACH!"
Adi: I think the fact that Karkat has John cast as a seducer says something about either how long it's been since he got some or what his thoughts on John are
Askerian: XDDDD
Adi: XDDDD
Askerian: well, also how john didn't just push him down and go at it
Askerian: >.>
Askerian: he's totally trying to wear karkat down! only apparently he doesn't even know that's what he's doing. XD
Adi: well, but in those stories inevitably the captive ends up quite happy in his or her situation, yeah?
Askerian: XD yeah
Adi: Karkat, sweetie, I think the fact that he just out and out denied romantic attraction, no matter how much denial he's in, means that if anyone is actually looking to get laid here it's probably you.
Adi: Just... you know, pointing it out
Askerian: XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Askerian: maybe he's just making really sure! john isn't interested. XD
Adi: ...so, are they sharing the boat on the Nile or did they decide to get separate ones?
Askerian: :D
Askerian: "... Aliens are so fucking weird." "Man, I agree."
Askerian: And They Were Bros.
Askerian: NOOO MY SEXUAL TENSION.
Adi: Yeah, that probably feels like coming across an alien civilization where they give blowjobs instead of shaking hands
Askerian: hahahahahaha XD
Askerian: hey, i'm checking you over for testicular cancer! it's neighborly. *CUPS HELLO*
Twenty minutes later breakfast was over and Jade and Jake were taking their turn at gathering the dirty dishes; Dirk, come late and not hungry, was drinking coffee at the counter while the rest of the group sat very civilly at the table. No one had jumped over it to go after anyone's throat or had an inconvenient panic attack, which was obviously a great success.
It was a wonder who was the most tense, Jane or Karkat. Maybe John ought to bring Karkat back to the bedroom for some alone-time; being surrounded on all sides by humans wasn't doing wonders for his blood pressure. (Having her home invaded by alien space monster wasn't helping Jane's either.)
He was about to mention it, only Roxy burst in from the door, waving something in the air. "Success!"
She was holding two half-circle things in bright pink. The inside wobbled and shone in a manner strangely reminiscent of jello. Rose smiled in clear satisfaction. "Did you test them?"
"Pretty good fit. They're even adjustable a bit."
"What's that?" John asked, eyebrows scrunching in confusion.
Rose gave him a faint, catlike smirk. "That thing you were told not to worry about."
"The -- I thought you were going after the goo! Not -- uh, what was it you've done?"
"The scientists have been working to reproduce the neurotransmitter fluid for the last week. Something in the formula must be a bit off, because it keeps turning up as gel instead, but the tele-empathic component works fine."
Roxy took over, leaning over Karkat's lap to show John the inside of the devices. The things looked like pretty wide Alice bands, only there were two parts to the sides that pivoted down, kind of like a mic arm on a headset only much higher. "These flippy bits are supposed to go on your temples. Anyway, so then when we add very simple radio transmitters and other doodads, the neuroelectrical impulses are encoded and transmitted via radio waves and when they get to the other side they get translated back into brain stuff! Wireless mindmeld. Isn't that the coolest?"
John couldn't help but laugh. "Okay, yeah, it's pretty cool." He reached for one of the offered headsets (wasn't gonna call them Alice bands!), turning it over in his hands. The inside was damp to the touch, a bit gross. Still not as gross as the original snot bath. "So you just put it on and...?"
"Yup! The range isn't great yet, but this is just our first attempt. Maybe the width of the room."
John flipped the arm thingers on his temples, tugging locks of his hair free and fiddling with the flexible metal until skin contact was established. Ugh, it really did feel like jello in his hair, only it wasn't squelching all over the place in a big great mess. Beside him Roxy was cheerfully arranging Karkat's own mess of hair as he sat with his eyes closed and jaw clenched and breathing deeply through his nose, as if praying for just a little goddamn patience it doesn't even hurt I can deal with that massive fucking bullshit okay one more second great now another one why is she fondling my fucking horns?!
John burst out laughing. "It works! Hey, Karkat."
A flash of incomprehension, and then Karkat jerked to stare at him.
It was like a tidal wave of gutpunch refusal, backed by horror and furious determination. The next second Karkat's chair was on the floor, the teleband had been flung on the table, and Karkat himself was five steps back and still retreating slowly after his first scramble, fists raised, fangs bared.
John didn't need it to understand the words, but Jade translated anyway. "Um, this one is 'no', this one is also 'no'... 'no, no, no', and I think the rest in between are swear words."
John glanced at the rest of his friends. Jake and Rose were on the wrong side of the table with Jane, though it might be quickly crossed; Roxy and Jade stood beside him, looking a bit nonplussed. Dirk had drained his coffee and put it down on the counter and twisted his wrist just so; the handle of his monofilament blade slipped from his sleeve into his palm smooth as a dream. John pushed himself up on his feet before he could unwind the blade itself.
"Karkat?"
A rattling growl rose from his throat, growing into a full-fledged, fangs-baring snarl. John grimaced a little.
"No, hey, shh, it's fine."
Apparently shushing the alien was a mortal insult of some sort, because a burst of furious words ensued, accompanied by an angry hand gesture that might have pimpslapped John to the ground had he been anywhere close to in range. But he wasn't going to corner him if he didn't have to...
"Fido trying to run away?" Dave drawled from the staircase. John winced. Aw crap.
Karkat flinched around, stared at Dave as he walked down the last steps to the doorway that led outside, planted himself there, and casually brought out his blade.
Bzzzz, unspooled and stiffening with a crackle of electricity.
If he let that go a second longer this would turn into the clusterfuck of the year. John stepped forward, spine straightening, eyebrows furrowed. "Dave, put that down. Karkat, sit."
His pointing at the couch behind the alien was hopefully clear enough, in case he'd forgotten the word. John gave him a hard stare, to underline it, and then went back to pay attention to Dave, like he had no reason to even worry about what would happen if Karkat didn't.
"Dave, it's fine, he hasn't hurt anyone. Might have broken the --"
ohwowsoneatohwowHIJOHN!!
"--Hi Jade. Ow." Okay it's not broken can you take it off please like right now? kinda busy fretting I MEAN LEADERING here ohgodclusterfuck monofilamentblade it dices it slices it Striderizes auuugh.
Haha misterbadass allgooeyinside. And then Jade's inner voice mercifully went off. "It's not broken! So cool."
"Yeah, yeah, it's pretty neat -- Karkat, I told you to sit."
The alien had stepped back until his legs almost bumped into the couch, and his fighting stance had shifted into something that seemed more of a 'oh shit in which direction do I run now' -- his eyes kept jumping from Dave to John -- but Dave would get him if he tried to go around him to the staircase, and the windows were all the way back toward the table and the kitchen, and besides they would all take too long to open.
John held his open hand back; "Jade, give me the thing, please." She put it into his hand.
Not even Rose objected to him trying it again, not the smallest 'blahblah traumatism be patient.' John wasn't... he couldn't, anyway, he'd promised them they would get intel in return for their support and he couldn't afford to come across as a pushover to Karkat if he was going to be responsible for him.
"Sit down."
After a few long seconds where John was almost, sickeningly sure he'd have to enforce his order, the alien took a few steps back and lowered himself on the cushions at the far end of the couch. Bright red welled from his clenched left fist.
John took a seat on the other end of the couch in silence, handed over the headset. Karkat took it with forced caution, stared at it for a second, breathed out, slid it back on. On his palm were the blood-smeared imprints of his claws.
... out of my fucking head, stay out of my fucking head, stay out no I don't want you in here, I'll tear out your lungs and wear them as a hat I don't even care if your attack dog cuts me up in slices to be gently roasted for your fucking alien breakfast stay the fuck out.
You're bleeding.
Amazing powers of observation genius gonna go far like that be General one day (forced me last time pushed it hurt you had no right none of you had any right!)
John winced. "I'm sorry."
Liar.
Ouch. ... I'm not sorry I looked / needed to know importantmaybe. It hurt you I didn't like that felt wrongbadno.
A slap of incredulity/yeahright pull the other one hit him in the brain. Behind it was a trace of confusion, why? and nerves because... huh, John thought, because he had his little idea and he hoped rather dearly to be wrong.
Wasn't looking for personal stuff sorry for that. Just war-relevant stuff, not private, duty as a soldier you know? Yours and mine. Could have been urgent, couldn't afford to wait.
He couldn't help remembering the horror he'd felt seeing that other alien in Karkat's mind, the one buried in tentacles, trapped there like he was slowly getting ... cannibalized alive? something like that. From the way Karkat flinched he could feel the echo.
Wasn't urgent. (Never urgent again.) So when are you killing me?
John stared, nonplussed. "Uh?"
... Public execution rah-rah look at our glorious army and those evilstupidweak things who dare attack us hahasofunny? A gray alien in chains paraded toward, oh god, was that a ... whipping post? funeral pyre? John could only see the waiting chains and feel the anticipation of a pain reminiscent of the times he'd burned his hand cooking or trying to fix overheated motors, only a hundred times worse. Rallying the troops? Propaganda?
"Oh god. Never." Nonononono. Also the population doesn't know we captured you yet, just that your mech is down. Probably never will just for that reason they'd all want your head no way.
... I'm hidden/state-secret?
Pretty much.
... Nightmare-beastgods from the star-void on a flying, shit-spraying horse. I'm going to spend the rest of my natural life with the interrogation/torture division.
John was torn between laughing at the incongruous curse and wincing. Nooo, I got you, not handing you back. I'll bite!
Karkat yanked the headband off his head. John blinked; the alien stared at him, eyes a bit too round, turning in his seat so he'd face John, so John mirrored him, eyebrows furrowed in sheer bafflement.
He pointed at the teleband. "Put that back on," he said, imitating his dad's 'It's Bedtime Yes Really' Voice.
Karkat held out his hand, palm first (huh, the cuts were ringed with crusty blood, but pretty much done bleeding) and pinched the bridge of his nose with his other hand. John frowned a little more and crossed his arms. "I'll wait two minutes, tops."
"John? What's going on?"
John looked at Rose over his shoulder and shrugged his confusion. "Dunno, I think I said something weird. He was asking when we were going to hand him back to the interrogation guys! So I said never, that's when. I think he doesn't believe me."
Karkat was muttering to himself again, eyes closed, still rubbing at the bridge of his nose. John folded his leg on the couch and stretched it to nudge Karkat's knee with his toes. Tap tap.
A heaving sigh. Karkat settled the teleband back on. Fucking disgusting on my horns urgh squelching.
"Pff." So are they telepathic or something?
What?
Your (tiny round cutest) horns! Because last time you seemed to hear me way better once the goo got on them.
Go crawl in a charnel house ditch and die suffocating under the weight of the rotting bodies already. Not cute! and yes of course they aaaaaaaa not answering your questions what next a list of known issues?
"Bwahaha. Too late."
... what do you want?
The 'you' came attached with an impression of John's own face and some almost-words that felt like 'pink-outside bigtoothed tent-making blue alien'. Not you-humans or you-group but definitely you-John. It felt a lot... quieter wasn't quite the right word, because John could perceive it just as well as the rest, but it didn't feel as spread out all over the place. It was all... tight, squeezed into one clear, delimited packet of meaning, with no surrounding brouhaha of background feelings and afterthoughts.
John shrugged. He didn't really expect anything. You not to die? Or go away inside your head again that crap is very disturbing you know. My friends have questions, we want to know about your people, maybe the war why? Need food, resources, distraction for the populace?
For the glory of the empire, Karkat retorted straight away, teeth bared in challenge, only there was a discordant echo in the background that said, for -- And stop pushing!
"Ow!"
"Ow?" Roxy repeated, concerned.
John blinked at Karkat for a couple of seconds, dumbfounded. "Uh, wow. He kinda... slapped me. Inside my head? It doesn't hurt for real, I just wasn't expecting it. Wow." How'd you do that? Neat.
... Basic psychic trick, are you brain-damaged?
Well sorry can't practice basic psychic tricks we don't have psychics, do you?
Karkat didn't even need to answer; his utter bafflement at the question was confirmation enough. "Guys, if the goo wasn't enough of a hint, the aliens have psychics! I mean like people who can do that stuff, not just by bathing in magic mind-reading snot."
Thank you so very much for that delightful image urgh.
John couldn't help but laugh at that, and for a second he could have sworn Karkat sort of maybe wanted to smile back a tiny bit, or at least sigh in a longsuffering, tolerant way. The second he noticed, Karkat noticed it too, and his mind hardened again, all background leakage stopped cold.
So. Keeping me for intel. Is the merciful act supposed to soften me up? humiliate me into surrendering? What the fuck are you up to? I might get along with shit to spare me pointless pain (not a coward shut up shut up shutup) but I'm not going to betray my people. (didn't even have the fucking decency of threatening me openly fuck you with a rusty spike.)
Uh, what. When did I threaten you? I mean no you said I didn't openly but I didn't at all?... no okay I wanted you to sit the hell down but that's because honestly what the heck you were panicking there was no reason and Dave would have cut you into bite-sized cubes if you rushed him also you can't escape Noir would gloat and grab you back fuck him no.
He'd just send Karkat back to the labs and now that he was awake again they'd probably go right back to poking and prodding and testing possible bio-weapons. John wondered if they'd tried the goo on him, too? (yes they had of course, tried to force their way in most of them were just garbled voices got nothing but it hurt anyway keeping them out wore him down -- easier to go away.)
Karkat's mind voice went weary; his hand clenched on the front of his shirt, claw tips going through the cloth. Ordering me like I'm broken already (like I'm so weak you didn't even need to break me.)
I'm not going to break you! I don't want that to happen to you. Or to anyone! It's not right. He bit his lip. I don't think you're a coward. You're alone and you understand nothing of what's going on and you've gotten hurt already, it's scary. I'd be scared too.
Karkat closed his eyes and rubbed at the base of his horns like he was getting a headache. His mind stayed clamped down, blocking his reaction. ... just tell me the terms already.
Uh. Okay. I'm responsible for you so unless one of my friends takes over for a bit you have to stay with me. You don't have to be close but you do have to be in the same room. Uhh. No leaving the building and absolutely no attacking people, I'm serious about that one it's not going to happen. None of my friendsalliesfamily want to hurt you either, no reason to.
Karkat stared at him, expression blank with incomprehension, even his mind murmuring too quietly for John to untangle the little whispers into anything coherent.
... War prisoner/intel to take? (Dumbass.)
"Hey!" I don't know how it goes in your weird alien ships or on your weird alien planet but here it's not a good reason.
Hello how are you do you want some tea will you pretty please betray your people for us we have tasty treats? No? Okay then! Don't take me for a fucking rot-brained moron.
"Goddamn it." John slammed his fist down on the back of the couch, making the frame groan even through the padding, and glared. "Do you want us to torture you?! Is that it? Some kind of fucked-up fetish?!"
Karkat hissed back and got into his face, snarling out something so low it made John's bones resonate with it. Like you didn't hand me off to them before oh lord Grand Squeamish!
It was different it was urgent you've been here ten days now what the hell kind of current intel do you even still have?! You left on a fucking suicide mission anyway who'd have trusted you with it!
No response, just a swirl of complicated, flickering feeling he didn't have time to name, quicksilver that fled his grasp and wind-fast razor slices of ragehatefight and fearpainno. John sighed and sank back down into the cushions.
... political thing, I don't know how to explain. We answer to the Earth government but not always, we're strong we protect they owe us.
... ah.
Karkat was still listening, frowning at him, not quite meeting his eyes but waiting for more, so John kept going, trying to explain the situation as well as he could.
Kinda allied-but-separate? Couldn't fight you guys as well too much death but we can and we do and they owe us.
Karkat made a little grunt of surprise-acknowledgement, mind sparking with a brief mix of "huh" and "aha." John briefly wondered if he wasn't giving him a bit too much intel. ... Oh well, it wasn't as if he'd ever be allowed to go free. Besides they had to have noticed it was always the same eight mechs who came back at them, and their piloting styles were all pretty distinctive.
Anyway re: torture medical procedures are one thing, sometimes they hurt but it's not the point. Interrogation happens, sometimes it goes too far or turns bad, some humans do like to torture, or think it's a necessary method or use it as an excuse to get out their misplaced asshole issues but torture is a repugnant practice and so long as you're in our custody it's not going to happen to you and we'll be fighting tooth and nail to keep you and we all bite really hard. Okay? Okay.
Sigh. "He still doesn't believe me about the torture thing, guys. Argh. Like... really loudly doesn't believe me." So frustrating! They were telepathing to each other for god's sake, he should have felt John meant it.
... can't believe you want nothing for it.
My friends will have questions about science things. I don't get it just a fighter. Also your society things how it works and stuff? Maybe language not everyone wants to try the goo. That's not state secrets.
No -- you! What do you want? Wasting all those favors on protecting me?!
"AUUUUGH." John grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled. I like you, stupid! I don't want anything. And protecting you from torture that's not even about me liking you it's about that shit is abhorrent and will not happen on my watch I'd have done it either way!
(Maybe with less random hugs. Uh. But he just couldn't take that defeated, subdued look in his eyes.)
This time Karkat was very careful when he removed the headset. He lowered it to his lap, staring down at nothing in particular, eyes a little too wide, breathing a little too controlled.
"Uh. Karkat? What did I say now?"
No reaction. John threw a look back at his friends. Dave had a shoulder against the doorframe and his arms crossed and seemed ready to hold up the wall there all day. The rest were at the table, keeping an eye on the two of them, but also doing god knew what on Roxy's laptop. Jane was typing away, a bit too pale but nodding along with Roxy's comments in her ear. Rose was petting Jaspers, who sniffed at the table where Karkat had been seated in wary interest. John supposed it had to be boring from the outside, apart from the random grimaces and the occasional outburst.
Jade noticed his mildly panicked expression and got up, wandering up to them. She didn't come in reach of the couch, though, didn't sit, hands linked behind her back as she leaned forward to peer at both their faces. Karkat didn't react to her either.
"What did you say?"
"That even if I didn't like him I wouldn't let people hurt him? And I do like him. I mean, he's so grumpy, but at the same time he's, I don't know." He looked at Karkat again, but the alien didn't look any closer to putting his headset back on. John looked up at Jade, met her little wince with a frustrated grimace. "The way he reacted you'd think it was a surprise!"
"I call dibs on head bridesmaid," Dave drawled from the door.
"Oh, fuck you."
"Do you even still count as a maid?" Dirk wondered.
"Lies and slander, Jade will make a honest woman out of me any day now."
Jade snickered; John couldn't help but join her. "As if! Everyone knows I was only using you for your body."
(Man it was such a relief that they could joke about it now, because during and for a few months after the breakup, wowza.)
When he looked back at Karkat, a smile still on his lips, he was met with red-gold straight on. Karkat's face was intensely serious and slightly apprehensive, like he had something to say that he was pretty sure John wouldn't like, and might react badly to. John sighed and leaned his body forward, tilted his head, made sure his voice wasn't aggressive or loud at all. "Buddy? It's okay." He rested his hand on the alien's shoulder, patting in what he hoped was a soothing manner.
Karkat flinched, dodged out from under his hand, and took a deep bracing breath before he jammed the headset back on.
I have a boyfriend already, okay?!
For a few long seconds John could do nothing but splutter. Also, turn a pretty nice brick red. Holy mother of fuck.
"W-what? Why the hell -- what? You -- what?"
Karkat bit his lip and briefly looked away, and when he looked back he -- his inner voice, his face, they were so earnest it made John's brain explode in horror and stall for the third time in as many minutes. I'm sorry seriously but you've got to stop doing that soothing shit, I'm not cheating on him, I love that stupid wreck. I don't care if I'll never see him again, he... fuck. Karkat flinched, a burst of pain flashing past his tight grip on his background thoughts. (I'll never see him again sosorry I'm a fucking asshole should just go and die--)
This time John was the one taking off the headset for a bit. Holy crappalooza.
"... And in this exhibit we have the amazing human chameleon, attempting to match that cushion over there... Hm, not quite scarlet enough, but a pretty good try."
John gritted his teeth and refused to turn to look at him, voice coming out a growl. "Dave, I will kick you in the knee."
He jammed the headset back on. Okay, NO. I am not interested in you romantically! No way, no how, where the heck did you get that idea from?!
Karkat spluttered, threw a hand up in the air to gesture with as he snarled back. Shall I count the ways? You kidnapped me back! You built me an alien pillowthing! You guarded me as I slept! You keep calming me and hugging me and oh yeah wasting all your owed favors on me! You saw me being weak and hurt and a total wreck and you -- immediately you -- you decided I could do with your all-benevolent protection?! We were fighting a moment ago!
Now it was apparently John's turn to splutter. Basic decency is suspicious now?! Is platonic not a thing where you crazyaliens come from?
Oh hey they were both on their feet now, mind-yelling in each other's face. John had a hard time not yelling for real, had to content himself with curled-up lips and wordless noises of frustration, but he'd probably die if his friends got to hear what this was about. God, Dave alone could milk this for ten years; what Dirk and Rose could do with it didn't bear thinking about.
I have absolutely no, zero, null, void-of-space romantic designs on you!
... Okay, sure! It wasn't like that. Willing to believe such intense denial -- loud + wordy = true!
John growled and crossed his arms. Thank you.
You were staring at my crotch.
Spittake. That was just morbid curiosity! Come on you looked too I'm weird to you you're weird to me that's all!
Karkat watched him with his eyes narrowed, blistering disbelief plastered on every single square inch of his face. You made me lay down with you on a --
Oh holy mother of god. John went meep and took a step back. The heat that had started to leave his face rushed back with a vengeance, even his eyeballs felt too hot. Holy shit. Just, holy shit.
"Okay, enough mystery, what the fuck are the two of you talking about?"
"Yeah, seriously," Roxy said, "it was funny dubbing the two of you but now I think it'd be waaay funnier to know what's actually going on!"
"... Haha. Um. Neat factoid for the xenosocio magazines, guys! Aliens don't sleep on beds. Turns out what we call a bed they call, um, a." Gulp. "Sex platform?"
We sleep on them! he hurried to explain. It's just for sleep! We don't, they're not just for sex!
... Huh. Squinty, suspicious frown. Not just for sex?
"Oh, really," went Rose somewhere behind him, in a way that had John flinching again.
... Okay sometimes people have sex on them it's very practicalcomfynice I guess but I just, sometimes people share? To sleep? Platonically?
"Welp. Rox, you've got the shotgun, you get to be in that wedding party after all. Someone's got to stand in for his alien dad."
"... Am I to understand that John and the alien shared his bed yesterday night?"
Jake smothered a burst of laughter behind his hand, eyes gleaming with warring commiseration and hilarity. "They sure did. Oh darn, does that mean you're alien married now?"
Amidst all the people laughing at his pain and the people bemoaning his amazing ability to create diplomatic incidents out of thin air, John wasn't expecting to be slapped over the head, hard enough to make him pitch forward. He turned around to protest. "Hey--"
His sister stood there and not at the other end of the room anymore, hands shaking, jaw clenched, eyes a bit too bright.
"Uh. Janey?"
"... You made him share your bed."
"I didn't know it was a weird alien thing!" he protested. Jane threw up her hands in the air.
"You knew he was worried about rape! What the hell were you thinking?!"
John flinched again, guilt choking him, replacing his embarrassment with something worse. "I wasn't, okay?! I wasn't thinking, I was just tired and I didn't want to sleep on the floor and it was more than wide enough for two and he--" looked scared (looked interesting) and it was John's stupid bed drat it such silly unfounded fears as if he could ever (why don't you trust me already) "-- and I, I wasn't thinking, it was an asshole move. You're right. Shit."
Jane took in a shuddery breath, eyes closed, and then looked over John's shoulder at Karkat, straight on, pretty much for the first time. "...John? Translate for me."
"Uh, sure." When he turned back to Karkat, the alien was staring at the two of them, eyebrows raised, eyes wide, pretty much floored. Aw crap, no doubt he'd been treated to a front seat concert of that whole mess at full volume.
"Alrighty! My brother is an idiot."
"Hey!" Glower. He wilted. She says, my brother is an idiot.
For a fleeting moment it looked almost as if Karkat was about to crack a smile. Tell her I was starting to get that impression.
... I kinda hate you sometimes.
Aaand this was a... not a smile, definitely a smirk. Made a couple of small fangs peek out at the quirked corner of his lips. Stop flirting and translate already.
"Ngrhk." John glared, face reddening once again. "His Majesty Karkitty tells me to tell you he was getting that impression already gnagnagna."
Jane's lips twitched a bit at the corner. "Well. He does seem to be a smart young man."
John huffed, puffing up his cheeks. "If you like him so much why don't you marry him already," he mumbled.
"Jolly good job not sounding like a kindergartener here!"
Maturely, John decided that the best answer to this had to be sticking out his tongue and going bleeeeeh. Jane ignored him pointedly.
"So... If your -- your species does not sleep on, ah, cushioned surfaces, where does it?"
John re-thought it for Karkat's benefit, in case overhearing John hearing it wasn't enough, and then tacked on, I, uh, take it you don't want to keep sleeping in my bed. Even if I'm on the floor.
The grimace Karkat made had him choke back a guilty laugh, only for that laugh to escape anyway as the alien threw an image at him, of a wide mattress in a dim-lit room and Karkat rolled in a ball in the middle with an apprehensive, vaguely disgusted look on his face as music started slipping in from the corners. "Pff. Aliens have porn music too!"
In which a reluctant young warrior is held captive by an oddly charismatic alien leader who sets about seducing him via utter decadence and inappropriate touching, features several love-to-hate-and-back scenes of passion, interspersed with slapstick language-barrier humor and random assaults by evil, nonsexy aliens, while the war slowly becomes a footnote amidst enough intercourse to chafe a professional whore raw. Karkat's chuckle was rough, quiet, both sarcastic and self-conscious somehow. So... no thanks very flattered go fuck yourself.
John couldn't breathe for laughing, though his face kept burning from imagining himself dressed like a pseudo-sultan from some old harem-themed softcore porn story. You asshole. Sowrong. Sooowrong. Anyways so where do you want to sleep!
Relief and disbelief kept roiling behind the sudden amusement, dizzying. I want anywhere but a sexplatformbed thanks kindly. Stake-lined animal pit? Bird perch? Lava bath?
Pfffhahahaha.
"I take it the wedding is back on track?"
"Oh, fuck you, Dave," John replied with a wide grin. "You're just jealous. I'd look so much better in white than you ever would. You'd be all washed out and also it'd totally be false advertising anyway."
"Ahem. John. If you please."
"Okay, okay." John went back to Karkat, who shrugged and looked away, scratching the underside of his jaw.
I'll make, something, John didn't quite get it, but he got the sense that Karkat would rather figure it out alone, that it made him feel awkward to ask it out of them. He shrugged and turned back to his sister, waiting with her hands on her hips and an eyebrow smartly arched. "He says he can manage on his own and please to be butting out." It'll have to be in our room though.
A dismissive shrug, though Karkat was frowning a little like he wasn't entirely comfortable about it.
We can make a tent around it if you--
We nothing, butt out already you freakish bigtoothed nosy asshole. I alone.
Faint tension still came through even with Karkat's decisive words, nervousness. John didn't need to be thwapped by Jane again to get that one. He shrugged and replied, okay, if you insist. Offer's open.
Yeah. I... thanks. He sank back down on the couch, elbows dropping on his knees with a big gusty sigh, tension gradually flowing out of his frame. It's just weird. You say you're not flirting but you do that stuff. It's... not flirting for you?
John mock-cringed and flopped beside him, cushions bouncing under them both. Ohgod definitely not.
Karkat contemplated that for a couple of seconds, and then gave a slow headshake. ... Aliens are so fucking weird.
Man, tell me about it.
"Well. If you two are friends again."
John blinked up. Oh uh, Jane. Right. "You wanna sit down, Janey?"
She shook her head. She looked a tiny bit calmer than she'd been, but the way she watched Karkat was still cautious, alert, tracking his every little gesture. It'd probably take her way longer than that to relax around him. John couldn't help the warm, bittersweet burst of tenderness at how brave she'd been, coming to defend Karkat from his asshole moment even feeling like that, just because it was the right thing to do. Dad would be super extra proud, he was sure.
"No, thank you. I'll, perhaps Rose could come and talk with the two of you, I'll take notes. Rose?"
"Of course," Rose replied, and as Jane made a controlled, straight-backed escape, came over to join them in the TV corner, her cat in her arms. Karkat's eyes almost crossed from staring at him. Rose's lips quirked at the corner; she seated herself on a pillow on the coffee table, knees pressed together very properly. "I'm curious, do you understand what we say through John's own understanding of our words, or does he need to repeat?"
Karkat's brow furrowed.
"Oh, uh, I think I have to pay a bit more attention than that, sorry." Jaspers was purring and kneading at her lap; John reached out to give him a scritch.
I... understand a bit? It's more vague. General sense of things.
"Huh, makes sense. He kinda gets echoes, I think."
"Hm." Karkat was still stealing glances at the cat; she smiled. "This is Jaspers. Do your people keep pets?"
From the confusion he answered with when John passed it along, the answer was obviously no. "I don't think he even has a concept of it. Do you guys even have domesticated animals?"
... Draft beasts to pull, or ride. Big beasts. Sometimes hunting ones to track with. What does this one do?
"Uh, nothing, it's a pet. Er, Rose?"
"A pet is a small, tamed animal that lives inside a person's house. It does not work for its keep as it is kept purely for the pleasure of its company."
Heh, sounded kind of a bit like--
... John if you are keeping me as a pet I will pull out your intestines through your nostrils and make you a noose from them and swing you from the lamp and I will take the greatest care to make sure you stay alive every tortuous inch of this process.
John cracked up. "What? No! No no no."
"... times like these," Dave muttered from his corner, "I kind of wish this were three ways. But then I remember, alien in my brain. Nope!"
John snickered at him and turned back to Karkat. Good thing you can't speak to Dave he'd never stop bringing it up. He'd get you fake kitty ears and a collar with a bell. It'd be ridiculous. He couldn't help imagining Karkat tearing around the room in a rage, shredding everything with his claws like Mutie'd done a couple of times.
Karkat stared at him in suspicion and a burst of nerves, and then before John could reassure him that he was just kidding around, rolled his eyes. If you put a collar on me it'd be your goddamn floppy dick I tear to shreds, asshole.
John grinned back at him. No worries, way too kinky for me.
"John, if you would please stop cutting me out of the conversation before I drop Jaspers on your head."
"Whoops. Sorry Rose. It's just so much fun being able to talk to him. He's so grumpy, it's hilarious."
Karkat growled under his breath and glowered at him. An image of the alien kicking his ankle ghosted through John's mind, a sense of intent, only to be replaced by a flash of seven other humans descending from above with swords in hand and transforming him into a pincushion. She wanted to talk let her talk stop being the high king of idiots, lord protector of stupidland, all hail his unmatched dearth of brainmeat.
A strange expression crossed Rose's face but John was laughing too much to ask straight away and when he was done she looked perfectly normal. Huh, never mind. "John. Don't make me hit you. Karkat -- as John might or might not have mentioned, there are questions we would be thankful to have answered."
But John says no torture you can't make me. A niggling doubt that John was just lying to him. John hesitated to answer it. In the end he didn't, merely paraphrased for Rose, "He doesn't want to and you can't make him."
"We can provide other incentive. If nothing else you'll eventually get quite bored, being locked in here. And -- John, transmit this. No anger, no protest, just transmit it. We are in a delicate political situation and we might be pressured into giving you up." John glowered, but repeated, though the words took on a harsh undertone from his own frustrated denial. "The situation becomes easier if we have tidbits to appease people with, especially since your previous custodians were, after a certain time, able to extract precisely jack shit."
Bitter pride flickered at that. He had stonewalled them pretty good, huh. Couldn't stop scientists from canvassing his body inch by inch with their cold fingers and colder machines but could sure shred the mind of any fool who tried to follow him in too deep, wasn't going to be hurt twice and they were so garbled anyway, so graceless, he learned more than they did. Even if so much of it was fucking useless, incomprehensibly alien.
John's eyes prickled with something he didn't want to think too hard about, lest Karkat hiss at him for caring too much again.
"For now we are mostly interested in basic biology, as some of your organs don't seem to have analogous functions to human ones, and language."
So you can spy on our transmissions?
"If there is anything to be said on open transmissions one would hope they would be encrypted."
... Point, I guess, Karkat grumbled, but glared at John sullenly when he relayed that to Rose.
"Later, as we build more trust, perhaps you will feel willing to offer advice as to the best ways to work repairs on your mech, as biotechnology isn't--"
Karkat had been pretty subdued around Rose, comparatively; John noticed that because suddenly he was up on his feet and leaning forward so fast the cat startled and scampered off. The link was burning with what?!, with needtoknow, with please, with the hulking nightmare shape of pincers and mandibles and two too many arms--
"Oh god," John choked out, caught unable to breathe in Karkat's own breathless terror-hope. "Rose, he's. He's asking if it's still alive."
And as behind her Dirk and Dave and Roxy slowly lowered their blades and guns Rose herself didn't move an inch, not even to lean away from the crazy-eyed alien quivering with tension in her face, only to smile, slow and satisfied. "Well then, here is our first bit of incentive. I knew we would find something."
SHIT ADI AND I SAID DURING THE WRITING:
I like you, stupid! I don't want anything. And protecting you from torture that's not even about me liking you it's about that shit is abhorrent and will not happen on my watch I'd have done it either way!
This time Karkat was very careful when he removed the headset. He lowered it to his lap, staring down at nothing in particular, eyes a little too wide, breathing a little too controlled.
"Uh. Karkat? What did I say now?"
Askerian: (IT WAS PALE AT FIRST SIGHT.)
Adi: hahahahaha
Adi: Jade abandoned Dave with the baby
Askerian: XD
Adi: won't pay child support
Askerian: XDDD
Adi: barely even calls her own kid
Adi: u.u
Adi: I feel like Karkat should come in at the tail end of this and be sort of horrified
Askerian: XD
Askerian: i don't even know if he'd understand anything at all
Adi: he'd definitely get a mental image of Dave gestating a baby in his stomach.
Adi: I feel this would leave a false impression on how humans reproduce
Adi: one day he and John will be about to do the nasty and Karkat will go "WAIT BUT WHAT IF YOU START GROWING A HUMAN MADE OF OUR COMBINED GENETIC MATERIAL IN YOUR STOMACH!"
Adi: I think the fact that Karkat has John cast as a seducer says something about either how long it's been since he got some or what his thoughts on John are
Askerian: XDDDD
Adi: XDDDD
Askerian: well, also how john didn't just push him down and go at it
Askerian: >.>
Askerian: he's totally trying to wear karkat down! only apparently he doesn't even know that's what he's doing. XD
Adi: well, but in those stories inevitably the captive ends up quite happy in his or her situation, yeah?
Askerian: XD yeah
Adi: Karkat, sweetie, I think the fact that he just out and out denied romantic attraction, no matter how much denial he's in, means that if anyone is actually looking to get laid here it's probably you.
Adi: Just... you know, pointing it out
Askerian: XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Askerian: maybe he's just making really sure! john isn't interested. XD
Adi: ...so, are they sharing the boat on the Nile or did they decide to get separate ones?
Askerian: :D
Askerian: "... Aliens are so fucking weird." "Man, I agree."
Askerian: And They Were Bros.
Askerian: NOOO MY SEXUAL TENSION.
Adi: Yeah, that probably feels like coming across an alien civilization where they give blowjobs instead of shaking hands
Askerian: hahahahahaha XD
Askerian: hey, i'm checking you over for testicular cancer! it's neighborly. *CUPS HELLO*
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Really, you never cease to amaze me with your character interactions. It all feels so natural, and it all matches up perfectly with canon even though we have literally no info on what half of the interactions will be when we finally finish our space trip.
But arg Jade and Dave broke up what did you do to my otppppp.... D:
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For all we know jade and dave might get back together at some point! Idk. XD It just happened.
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(Anonymous) 2012-04-29 12:13 am (UTC)(link)~Linya
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Dubs would be very funny to write. I am considering it. >___>
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Consider it mooore, consider it mooooore!!~ RE: Krabkat's discomfort with the shirt--does the symbol unsettlingly resemble a type of grub or beast from his homeworld? Â Does he think it's John's personal/class symbol, and misinterpret wearing it as a sort of depersonalization/mark of ownership thing?
~ When John and Jane had their chatlog early in this chapter, they were both designated "JH"; was that intentional?
~ "Karkat Vantas: Letters to Home: A Prisoner's Perspective"
X'DDDDD Â Glorious.
~ Thinking about blood--overall, from prisoners etc., the trolls/Condesce must know human blood is "mutant candy red", though the fighters are probably uninformed; when did Karkat discover this, and what was his reaction? Â How does the intraspecific/sociocultural perception of candy-red troll blood change with this bit of information--not just in this storyverse but in Garden, how native Alterniearth trolls react to human-blooded troll mutants (huge kinky incestuous interspecies friendpiles from outer space aside...).
~ Jane's a rape survivor? Â When did this happen? Â Was the perpetrator a staff member on base, or was she on shore leave when the incident occurred? Â I can't imagine the perp got away in one piece, what with the huge powerful protective family Jane has at her back.
~ On the ectobiological/genetic engineering background: I've been trying to wrap my head around the mechanics of how the kids were created and raised. Â Is it like the kids from generation II (Jane Roxy Dirk Jake) are remixclones of the four donors like Mutie was of Jaspers, and gen I are recombined "children" of the donors in pairs, like Doc Romy and Bro Burt (for Rose and Dave) and Director Anna and the General (John and Jade)? Â Similarly, are the donors straight older versions of gen II like the pre-Scratch guardians, or do they share characteristics with the gen I post-Scratch guardians (i.e. is this Bro the same guy who became Jake after the Earth Scratch, or is he blended with the Bro whom Dave became)?
How were they raised--individually, in twos, fours? Â If so, which fours--related fours i.e. blonde vs. brunette clans, or the generational fours i.e. JohnRoseDaveJade vs. JaneRoxyDirkJake? Â (The former makes more sense, but for the latter...in chapter two, John consulted an inner Dave, Rose, and Jade about a moral quandary, not any of the other generation...) Â All I can remember is Jane and John were raised together, I think, and all eight of the kids finally met at age 8... @_@
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Second one. Definitely second one. A sign is a symbol of personhool, so having it taken away is something you do t slaves and longterm prisoners, and having to wear someone else's is very much "yep, that's my personal property, I own every inch of this". It's mortifying to have to go out like that knowing that other people will take a look at him and *know*. Scarlet letter woooo.
~ When John and Jane had their chatlog early in this chapter, they were both designated "JH"; was that intentional?
Huh? noooo. @_@ *goes to check* ... okay what the fuck happened there @_@ i must have done something silly with the search-replace. wow. um. *goes to fix* .__.;;;
red blood!
when did Karkat discover this, and what was his reaction?
When uh they did capture humans, especially at the beginning. Let us say being a prisonner of trolls isn't a very healthy pastime. Even if Karkat didn't want to watch (and he really didn't) he'd have been dragged in so they could jeer at him about how he's alien-blooded (and if he said no they'd have jeered at him for being squeamish, which is a really big insult for trolls and he'd have lost the respect he managed to gain, so there was very little choice.)
He's aware of what the inside of a human looks like, too. :/
I think at the time he was mostly concerned with how best to navigate the rather rowdy situation without letting it degenerate into a beating, which is a fairly delicate process. Afterwards he just mostly told himself that there were a finite number of colors things could be out there and a really big number of aliens, and coincidences happened, and he'd seen trolls die a lot so a troll-shaped alien dying wasn't a big deal, really. Really really.
re: Garden, garden!trolls would react to a mutant with the same "cull it" kneejerk reaction, only there would be a little more disgust.
Nooo Jane is not a RAPE survivor. It does ping as if she is but no.
Well not physical rape anyway.-Dirk is a straight clone of Bro, Dave is a mix of Bro and Doc Lalonde, etcetera. So Bro and Dirk are genetically identical, save for enhancements introduced in vitro. They look like each other and they have a lot of personality traits in common, but their massively different lives mean they're pretty different in the end. (Bro is really kind of fucked up. Also, lots of scars, and a broken nose.)
They were raised by their separate guardians (Bro with Dirk and Dave, Doc with Rose and Roxy, the General with Jake and Jade, and Dadbert with John and Jane.) until the age of eight, and then brought back together on the island (which is yes jade and jake's island XD) to begin training and also avoid unpleasant politicking bullshit, social services, and uhh kidnapping attempts.
♥
Augh if/when the public dissectionwhatever comes up that'll be Unpleasant. Rose etc. probably would expect it to have happened anyway, but it's another thing to have it blatantly confirmed, and John probably wasn't thinking too hard about it at all.
Were the kidpairs raised in Washington-NY/Canada-Houston-equatorial Pacific island prior to the meetup, or elsewhere? Were the Harleys raised on the HQ island? Ooh kidnapping attempts. Is that where Jane got her trigger?
Re: ♥
yes on unpleasant. :D
and uhh safe assumption i guess, it doesn't really matter. Maybe Bro took his own pair traveling, idk. General Harley had some Generaling to do so they came with him on business trips, so they're not as ignorant of the outside world.
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Cranky bitchy Karkat, the symbol weirdness, the invasion and John being called on being an ass and and and...
Damn I'm tired with a headache and I'm still reading this. ilu.
Love how the mistranslations come across. Gamzee's a 'boyfriend,' to John's head, instead of moirail, or 'nonsexual-loveintrest,' or what ever.
Now I have this funny image, "Karkat Vantas letter to home, a Prisoner's Perspective"
"The aliens tend towards being a giant pale and ashen orgy, in public, making lewd passes at anyone who has not just gotten up from a feelings jam." bluh bluh bluh.
Though I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop when they figure that their captured defenders have been tortured to death. I think you mentioned that people have been taken captive.
But yes you guys, the society is so shitty that basic decency isn't basic, it's romance.
OMG Crabdad, please be okay! Karbaby loooevs you.
God I can't wait to see how you make their biology/lusus bondings in this.
Also, mermaid stuff that might interest you:
http://absoluteanatomy.tumblr.com/post/13953820361/mermaid-anatomy
http://pinterest.com/pin/158189005631022102/
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Well they often lose nuances of words as it maps onto the closest concept they can find, so moirail came across as (male) romantic partner that I am tender/protective/cuddly about. Hence boyfriend. The other way around, "brother/sister" came across as "person I have a very strong mutual bond with who checks my stupid before it causes damage and who cares and is very involved in my emotional health&growth and who I wantneed to protect." So... moirail. Which uhhhhhh. boyfriend = brother??? yeah. XD XD XD
Now I have this funny image, "Karkat Vantas letter to home, a Prisoner's Perspective"
*deds*
Though I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop when they figure that their captured defenders have been tortured to death. I think you mentioned that people have been taken captive.
I don't think they'll be extremely surprised to learn that but yes, it's bound to provoke some resentment. :(
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH mermaids!!! Awesome, thank you. *__*
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Karkat should totally write memoirs, since it seems like they are planning on keeping him bored. And it could be the translation project with a side of cultural exchange, since Karkitty probably won't do transmissions. Of course, instead of awesome prose, he just reinvents romcoms and expands the borders of cursing.
Karkat probably quietly flipped the fuck out inside his head when/if he saw the blood.
I saw mermaids and I thought of yoooooooouuuuuuuu.
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Something like "person I have a very strong mutual bond with who checks my stupid [so] it causes [maximum] damage and who cares and is very involved in my emotional health&growth and who I wantneed to protect."
Then again there's also Gamzee calling everyone brother and sister, but I've always thought that was a religious thing.
(you can tell me to shut up anytime you want, btw! I ramble in comments not addressed to me. I'm bad about that.)
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i like the rambles! please ramble away!
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I am trapped in a paleporn horrorterror and want to wake up now.
I have discovered that the aliens count various nonsentient furry grubbeasts, horrifically and accurately named 'shooshpaps', as members of their moirail orgys. Species include purrbeasts (two of which are kept by my immediate captors), barkbeasts, squeakbeasts, hopbeasts, chirpbeasts and squawkbeasts, and even swimbeasts. I am not entirely certain how the aliens manage to have a feelings jam with a swimbeast and I do not want to knowre5fgds
The more shameless purrbeast is trying to shooshpap itself on me again."
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It's like...pale tentacle porn isn't it?
"I have discovered that the humans have higher schoolfeeds for a number of things, including being moirails and auspiting. Which they are paid to do by anyone who wishes it. They have what seems like a holy text that is communally created and recreated.
"I have never read anything so perverted in my life, it details nearly every personal issue the humans have come across."
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"I miss Gamzee. The prisonspital's murals seem designed to remind me of him. If they weren't clearly several perigees old, and if Zhann wasn't too much of a paleslut to think of it, I'd suspect him of finding memories of Gamzee during his blundering through my head and telling the scienterrorists about it."
"They keep sending in old, ugly pale prostitutes to interrogate me. (Ugly being relative, because all the aliens are hideous pinkish-brown things.) Zhann's noisy, flailing, horrified translating is almost enough to make up for how nauseatingly obscene it all is."
"My captor's orgygroup had a movie marathon today. It's all nookmunchingly terrible porn even if Zhann keeps swearing it isn't. Much to my horror, what I thought was a permanent feelings-jam lifestyle were the aliens being polite and reserved. It was a full-on pale orgy cuddlepile, cushions and blankets and people all in the dark in front of the telegrub, rolling all over each other and throwing freaky plant-based grubcorn into each others' hair."
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"Today one of my captors brought in the means to exert implicit threats upon myself. It was a bowl of what appeared to be wiggler horn nubs, which they crunched away at, splitting in half with their blunt, flat, teeth.
"Knowing very well it was likely poison, or some other ploy, I stole one and tried it once hidden in my pilelair. The flavor only helped to confirm that it was some sort of grub based derivative food stuff, or meant to be otherwise evocative--it tasted like grub food.
"If I added a bit of respectable blood flavor to them and some how made them honk, I could buy a pleasure planetoid with the profits I'd make on selling them to Subjugulators."
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Mwahahaa, Jake's revenge!
Oh god, all the interactions, they're so wonderful! Eeeee~
Oh no, DaddyCrab! Please be okay! :(
Also, I want to thank you so much for the commentary at the end, it's wonderful.
(Karkat mentions boyfriend) *Perks ears curiously* Does this mean we'll be seeing more of the trolls? Sorry, I just really love Gamzee.
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>___>;;;;
Gamzee will eventually pop up!
*lovesquishes*
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Now I am sleep-deprived, all because of you and your wonderful story.
I hope you're happy >:P
Seriously, though, don't stop writing. It is so awesome that I still can't brain words to express my love.
also pfft yours and Adi's commentary that's just amazingno subject
*says she who never routinely stays up hours late to read shit* >_>;;;;;;
♥♥♥ thank you ^^
and haha glad to entertain. XDno subject
<3
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John couldn't help the warm, bittersweet burst of tenderness at how brave she'd been, coming to defend Karkat from his asshole moment even feeling like that, just because it was the right thing to do.
*facemotherfuckingpalm* sure, let's go with that.
Or maybe I'm totally off base, but she does read to me as a rape survivor whose safe space has been suddenly become the home of someone not-safe.
I love everything about this. KARKAT MAH BABY.
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She's definitely a survivor who's suddenly having to share her safe space with someone not safe, though.
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not handing you back, I bite. - 'scuse me. going to expire from laughter now. Karkat pinching his nose. *cackle* ...yeah John it's the random hugs that's giving Karkat mixed signals. Not the random delcarations of pale maybe flushed feelings that you have no idea about. XD
Raised together since they were eight huh. Suppose that get's rid of any pesky Westermark effect....as evidenced by Jade and Dave's past relationship. Any other past or current romances with the clone kids?
John attempting to soothe the savage beast, Karkat wondering why the fuck his alien captor keeps making passes at him. You know, the way Karkat describes the pillowfort and stuff, it really does sound like it's taken straight from a crosscultural caveman romance novel. Perspective makes all the difference in the world. John think's he's telling Karkat this is his ~family~, Karkat thinks he's introducing him to his kinky morial harem. As a new member, possibly.
Wonder who Karkat's boyfriend is. My bet is Sollux, seeing as all the references we get the bf's hooked into tentacles. Gamzee being a highblood is allowed to court whoever the fuck he wanted wouldn't he? *brainfizzle*
Ahaha, here comes the shame for the bedsharing. Roxy standing in for Karkat's alien dad at the wedding. Dave as head bridesmaid. (Welp. Someone must draw this hypothetical shotgun wedding. Shotgun included.) Go Jane. Smack some sense into his moron head. Honestly kinda shocked Rose didn't first. No shit it was an asshole move. (Trolls not having the equivalent of a bed was an awesome move- it didn't give John any moral wiggle room for denial about what he'd done. Bwaha.)
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Dave wishing for threeways. Ulp. Becareful what you wish for. Rose is catching onto the mutual denied attraction, isn't she? Love the way when Karkat starts freaking out about his crab machine she immidiately thinks of it as leverage. Whatta girl. :)
Blowjobs as hello... *imagines friendly 80+ yr old neighbor* uuuughahaaha. no, just. no.
Given that Trolls are non-mammalian, they can't actually make babies with humans can they? -__- How much of the other Troll's are we going to see in this fic btw? The other comments about Jane being a survivor...John clearly hasn't the vaguest clue about this. This is interesting,and says something. Loudly. I'm reading the way the others are reacting as at least some of them know, but maybe not all of them? The 'not my problem' attitude John's running around with also extends towards his family, but he really has no idea does he? Ouch... That'll break his heart if he ever figures that out. Or is enlightened.
/end babblesplosion
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Not really, but Dirk is in love with Jake. Jane isn't, really, or is at least trying not to be, on account of she hates wondering if her own crush on Jake is *hers* or simply some genetically predisposed thing that would only echo General Harley and Director Crocker-Egbert's own love life.
You know, the way Karkat describes the pillowfort and stuff, it really does sound like it's taken straight from a crosscultural caveman romance novel.
*gigglesnort* Well, karkat mostly thinks it's some kind of alien pile. Trolls like piles. They're comforting! and uhh making one FOR someone is pretty much a big nice neon "PLEASE LAY DOWN ON IT WITH ME???" thing. XD
Wonder who Karkat's boyfriend is. My bet is Sollux, seeing as all the references we get the bf's hooked into tentacles. Gamzee being a highblood is allowed to court whoever the fuck he wanted wouldn't he? *brainfizzle*
Nah, his BF is Gamzee. Sollux is his platonic BFF for life. They don't pity each other (okay no, right now Karkat pities Sollux a hell of a lot for what he's going through but it's not a sexual kind of pity) and they don't hate each other, the most they manage is bursts of squabbling and annoyance. They just like each other, I guess.
Re: Gamzee being a highblood... i GUESS he can choose whoever he wants, which is why Karkat is alive and not culled. But Karkat being a mutant means he's being uppity gutter trash who's sullying a higher-blood he's not fit to clean the boots of.
Go Jane. Smack some sense into his moron head. Honestly kinda shocked Rose didn't first.
Rose was about to ( "... are you telling me he spent the night in your bed?"), she just boils more slowly than Jane does. XD
... oh god your dresses headcanons. CANNOT UNSEE. XD XD XD
John was alas just playing along with that bride thing. Sad. He's totally seeing himself as the dashing husband carrying his swooning bride across that threshold in those wedding fantasies he absolutely does not have. u.u
Given that Trolls are non-mammalian, they can't actually make babies with humans can they?
Oh god no, their reproducing methods are totally incompatible. I don't think they even have the same number of chromosomes, even if their biology even USED chromosomes paired anything like the way ours are. No clue, but even if they were mammalian-equivalents it wouldn't work.
John knows what she survived and intellectually he pays attention to that shit (when he thinks about it) but he has a hard time truly comprehending the impact of it in an emotional way. He tries not to, to be honest, because it's too much and he can't take it, so BAM DENIAL.
PLZ FEEL FREE TO BABBLESPLODE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT ♥
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...Now I'm kind of wondering how Gamzee deals with his inner highblood in this universe, is he still high as a kite on sopor slime (or other, more nefarious drugs that he might have gotten access to now that he's older) or is it just sporadic MPD (BPD?) episodes?
(Okay, wow, onetrack mind much, self?)
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Gamzee, um. Let's say if he wanted to keep Karkat from culling he had to prove Karkat was a good investment in keeping an indigoblood with that kind of psychic and fighting potential functional. So. He's sober. He's very, very sober.
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Is Karkat going to be horrified by Betty Crocker at any point? idk, the word batterwitch amuses me.
Whoa, John knows? I can see him having an mini breakdown if he ever realizes what he's doing. But then, that's just me wanting a perfectly nice teenage boy to pull his head out of his ass. -_- It does give John's character an imperfection that is completely believeable as well. so. Kudos to making me want to backhand a fictional character for self induced emotional denial that's hurting people he cares about...*cough*
<3 If they ever open up that thing to change your username again, I'll definitely change mine to something like... babblebombz, and that'll be all the warning anyone gets. ;) (I feel like I'm corrupting you to longer and longer replies as you try and stem the rising tide of questions and squee.)
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re: john & jane, i started writing you a reply and then i was all whoa spoilerific and so i deleted it all bwahahaha.
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Only problem is that it would be a chapter of its own, which would delay the next chapter. XD Or kick start your brain for the next chapter, in which case go for it.
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Have some babbles
Also, I desperately want to babble at you about Gamzee in this fic, but aside from you saying he'll come down at some point we don't even have an inkling of how it'll happen, so I think myself in circles with barely-formed theories. Mostly involving the most public pale porn Earth has ever seen with Karkat hugging him down from a murderous rampage and crying all over him.
Also also, I thought of the angsty feelings jam Karkat and Gamzee would have in the John-is-kidnapped AU. Along the lines of "I don't want to cheat on you but he won't stop crying when I rape him." Or alternately, Karkat is the one who keeps crying and John accidentally turns the whole thing into flushed cuddles/kisses to calm him down. (Except probably not, because rape, but crying-cuddles. CRYING-CUDDLES.)
Also also also, Dadbert/Karkat/Bro. Because Dadbert would totes auspistice them, and Karkat would make assumptions about kinky adult threesomes.
Re: Have some babbles
Babble away! It's really fun to read. (I forgot if I told you, Gamzee wasn't deployed on the Earth front so right now he might not even have been told yet Karkat is missing, or the news might not even have reached him, bwarharhar.)
Mostly involving the most public pale porn Earth has ever seen with Karkat hugging him down from a murderous rampage and crying all over him.
:D
oh man the reversal AU. Yeeah, clusterfuck. I think Karkat would only have to rape John once (probably semi-publically though DX ), and after that he'd take him to his quarters where people could assume he's still doing it regularly while he avoids even brushing against John at all. (it'd probably be John who'd have to initiate the "my life is shitty plz hug me now, i promise i won't react like you're trying to rape me again") Haha, I could really see John trying to comfort Karkat as Karkat cries because he feels like such a hideous irredeemable asshole. Dunno if that would read as pale or just fucked up.
Dadbert/Karkat/Bro? Karkat doesn't hate Bro though. ?.?