Life and Times of Teh Asuka

meagenimage asked: Pairing: Jade/Karkat, mood: curiosity/discovery?

825 words, quadrant exploration.

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"So what's an ashen kiss like, then?"

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mitsuhachiinthehive asked: Jade c3< karkat c3< sollux, first kiss
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"Umm, I don't need to be a troll to notice that hating on each other makes you guys miserable."

Karkat stood silent in the computer lab, a hand pressed to his mouth. Beside him Sollux was half-swooned over the back of his chair, head still hanging back as he stared up at Jade behind him.

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Chapter contains porn and OCs. Almost 11k of such. orz

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The first thing Karkat does when they finally come home is to rush up the ladder and check on his nest, wings flapping along pointlessly. (The new shell is still frail enough that they have to alternate keeping the muscles exercised and making sure no wrong movement cracks him open again, but to return home he refused to be bandaged up.)

Dave's shoulder is still not to be strained, and climbing would be awkward one-handed, so once again he's right back to sleeping on the couch. He's starting to think the universe wants him to cede the space to his demon, but damn it, he is not giving up his futon under the slanting ceiling and the odd light that comes from the window.

"Marshmallows still good?" he calls up to Karkat, even as he flops down on the couch under the mezzanine.

"Uh -- lemme open the bag." A pause. "Yeah, they're still edible, though I was more concerned about rats or those motherfucking crows."

Dave snorts quietly. He can't say he was honestly worried about the marshmallows, those things last years. Okay, at least half a year. He's pretty sure he read things about that before.

The crow vendetta keeps being silly and hilarious.

"We don't have rats!" he calls up.

"Uh huh," Karkat replies, muffled and distracted, as he rummages into a plastic bag. "You keep thinking that."

Aw, man. "We have rats? Seriously? Hell."

"If they're not rats I'm not sure what else. Wall wolverines?"

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complexquanta asked: Davesprite ♥ Jade. Get zapped by random ectobiology machines in the basement of the meteor and species swapped (Davesprite's a dog-man, Jade's a bird sprite). Then they make out.

Contains flustery porn of the nonpenetrative variety, light femdom, Jade POV, 1400 words.

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"Well, crap," Jade says, and she whaps Dave with her sprite tail when he sporfles at how mild it came out.

He's sitting on the floor with both hands pressed to his face and she can see his eyes; only not, because they're squeezed shut in either shock or hilarity, or maybe both? Jade herself is still too baffled to really be in shock yet, and...

She vaguely remembers what it was like to be a sprite, in a corner of her mind she doesn't like to think about. It's strange in a very existential way that's pretty much impossible to describe.( Read more... )

*Could we have more of the arranged marriage ficlet? Pretty please?

*Oh goodness is it too late to ask for a wedding night continuation? Are these prompts still a thing??

*DaveKat: First time ( could be continuation of other prompt or not) Karkat has mad bedroom skills and Dave tries to keep his cool.

* Arranged Marriage Ficlet! Tomorrow! Deverginizing Dave

:3 maaaaybe.

ok guys here comes the random davekat porn. *pets old prompts* sequel to this!

(haha i kid half of it is leading-up to said porn and worldbuilding. haha ha .. ha. aaaaaaa.)

5k long. Contains joyous loss of virginity, some armor kink, oral and intercrural sex, two dorks. Also the most random, wtf cameo ever but it cracked me up okay. :(

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"And this," Karkat mused in the direction of his husband, "is why I bothered with the gauntlets today."

The stall's half-door rattled under a heavy kick. Dave glowered at Karkat from his place, back against the wall. Karkat glanced down at his hand. No blood. Good. He could keep being an asshole without remorse.

He picked up the bacon roll Dave had dropped, reached out an armored hand, palm up, His mount snorted against his fingers, and snapped his fangs closed around the meat.

"How come he didn't even try it with you," Dave muttered as he peered cautiously over Karkat's shoulder. Karkat tried not to pay any mind to the tense-wary-interested tingles making their way down his neck.

"You have no idea how many time he tried to bite my armor before he figured out it didn't work." A thoughtful pause, as he remembered dented metal with painful clarity. "Much." He flicked Dave a side-glance. "Still want to go riding?"

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Medieval AU where Karkat is the Arab horsemaster who came along with the war steeds just gifted to Queen Roxy because it just so happens he’s the one training them and they’re his babies and let me tell you, you do not improvise training war horses and he will especially supervise what kind of mares the stallions are put to why are Generic Europeans so huge it’s ruining the speed and lightness advantage for srs i’ll have to revise my techniques from the ground up. Why’d his people have to make a treaty with horse ignoramuses for srs.

Lord Dirk at least loves horses as much as he does and they can have enlightening talks about horsemanship and lines of descent for DAYS, but Lady Rose is, while a perfectly adequate rider, creepy as fuck, and Lord Dave is a fucking asshole who does not appreciate the beauty of a perfectly bred Arabian or the honor made to him AAAA GO BACK TO RIDING IN DONKEY CARTS YOU SON OF A MULE.

I mean, he doesn’t fall off his horses much or anything, but his siblings are all definitely better at riding than he is. Even the Queen, and she’s not allowed to even go hunting anymore, never mind charging onto battlefields. (mind, that doesn’t stop her much.)

(Rose is mostly seen riding delicate lady’s horses and following the hunt lazily, and you’d put her with the “serviceable skills, but not very interested” category, until she has some piece of intel to deliver and then ZOOOM she is a speed demon. What do you mean my horse can’t jump this it’s as high as she is at the whiters see she totally can.)

Karkat has his own horse, he’s a dapple gray gelding called Carcinus and he’s secretly crabdad in disguise. Cranky asshole horse, but he would kick and stomp the shit out of any enemy of his master. Or thief. man, do not try to thieve or otherwise borrow Karkat’s horse, you will be paste. This horse drinks human blood.

Also Eridan and Kanaya are the official diplomats in Karkat’s party (Eridan thinks he’s an awesome rider, but really it’s his horse that’s awesomely trained; Kanaya manages decently well and also does archery from horseback), and Jade and John are guests of the court from India.



i wanted to write more but it petered out, so only one ficlet for this 'verse.

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Tegmine is his favorite mare. Inquisitive and gentle, smart as a whip -- it took her a day to figure out how to open her stall, in this place, and Karkat a week to figure out how to keep her from it.

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Anonymous asked: Dave/Karkat/Jade urban fantasy. Dave is a vampire, Jade is a werewolf, and Karkat is so done with all this supernatural bullshit.

(not super urban hahaha)
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Karkat was aware he was pacing. He was also aware he'd been bleeding, and should not have been pacing.

The screaming, also, was totally a conscious decision.

He felt like the naked girl who'd just been a white wolf and the half-naked guy who'd just been a mangled corpse dragged into his barn by a wolf completely deserved it.

The ~magical~ turd-licking fence-fuckers masquerading as his classmates had been sneak-flirting with him for weeks.

"Is my life actually a shitty supernatural romance?! Am I going to develop more special than you powers that somehow never matter half as much as who I fuck? Am I supposed to arbiter your little game of which one of you is the sexiest alpha male by gracing them with my boy cooch?"

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Anonymous asked: Pern dragons! Dave/Jade/Karkat! Yeah!

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"Shards and fuck," K'rkat swore as he raced up the long winding stairs, "I'm going to -- teach you to fly -- right from your weyr -- without a fucking dragon!"

He would have gotten there faster if he didn't speak at all, but he wasn't concentrating on making words as well as putting one foot before another he would have stopped and curled up on the step he happened to be long ago.

Why did Jade have to live so high up. Why did K'rkat's own Kulirath have to be busy elsewhere just when he needed her, the Threads take her up the tail hole --

Finally. He burst into Sievereth's weyr, the bronze stretched out lazy and well-fed, oh Faranth's egg no.

"Jade!" he screamed, startling the dragon. "Get out! And you, big lump, get up! Up and flying! Why are you still here?!"( Read more... )

mitsuhachiinthehive asked: Petstuck! Equikat? Tnnf-verse would be really cute, but other situations might also be shiny.

(a troll not named fuckass) (nooo he’s a baby forever ;_; have some baby cuteness yes)

I AM DONE SPAMMING. \o/

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Anonymous asked: JohnKat urban fantasy

((that was so vaaaague aaaaaaaa urban fantasy had so many possibilities D: i went with one of the silliest because i could, bwahaha.))

1200 words.

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"So are you, like... a werevampirewolf?"

Karkat jumped up several feet, landed legs still kicking, and scrambled for the nearest chair to hide under, between the feet.

Which, uh, actually hid him jack shit, and while he might not have been huge, he was still a bit too voluminous for that kind of shenanigans.

"Er. That was... not so smart." The voice sounded dubious as fuck. Groaning, Karkat extracted himself from under the chair -- he had to crawl backwards -- and scanned the stable for anything that looked like it could speak.

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