Life and Times of Teh Asuka

Done spamming for today. Phew.
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Petstuck, once again for the kink meme though there's no sex at all in it. Petstuck AU, which means trolls are sentient-ish animals. This is not a fic about adressing everything that is wrong with owning sentient beings and activism to save their asses, those have been written already. It’s early days in troll ownership yet and not a lot is known about them.

Jade accidentally adopts a young, orphaned troll, much against the wishes of her long-suffering boyfriend. Horrible cuteness ensues.

( 'Bec,' Jade asks very patiently, like the totally understanding dog lady she is, 'why is there a baby troll riding you like a pony?' )

Half of the fic is humor and fluff and snarky dialogue (the snarky dialogue continues into the porn, tbh) (...in SPACE!! not that this is very plot-relevant. XD) The pairings are a big clusterfuck of overlapping two- and threesomes between Jade, Dave, Karkat, John and Terezi.

(the quadrant grid looks something like. uh. (john♦jade)♥karkat, terezi♥/♠karkat♥/♠dave, (john♠terezi)♣karkat, karkat♥jade♥dave etcetera etcetera. It's ridiculous.)

I love this 'verse. Might do more with it at a later date, idk. This fic is really just me catering to my poly needs in the most fun gratuitious way I could.

Also contains double penetration and recuperacoon sex. (that's basically a vat of goo that trolls sleep in, for those not up to date on homestuck lingo. XD)

( I would advise you to get your grubby claws off the gravity controls before I get to you, Mister Blueberry Surprise! )

This chapter contains sex. Also some ponderings about dub/noncon.

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At least Karkat has gone back to resting his chin on Dave's knee, in the week between their blow-up and Kankri's summoning. At least there's that.

There's a strange cautiousness to it now, though. Karkat will come sprawl on the couch against him, and nap on the futon, but there's -- he keeps watching Dave.

Dave tries not to notice. He often fails.

( Read more... )

When the patrol car arrives at the scene Karkat is still licking frosting off his fingers. He radiates smug; getting two cupcakes when he was promised one was apparently enough to distract him from his hatred of cars.

Also enough to comfort his feeling that Dave is a chump. But that's par for the course.( Read more... )

whoops i never posted that one there. SORRY D:

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Chapter 8: Day thirteen

"Fuck's sake. Just go away, okay, I'll do it faster on my own."

For a second you're tempted to pick up the laptop you just dropped on the floor and throw it at Dave's head. Fuck him. It's not your fucking fault you were ... trying to move heavy, fragile technology one-handed. Okay, yes it is. But fuck him anyway. He's been a grumpy little shit ever since Bro woke you all up and you started gathering the crap not already boxed.

With the way he's not looking at Terezi, who's dismantling the sleeping pile into garbage chute-sized chunks in the corner, you can guess who he'd really like to be arguing with. You watch him pick up the laptop and check the case for damages, put it away in a box barely more gently than when you dropped it. Fuck him, it's your laptop, Bro got it for you.

"What?" he asks you, scowling. You turn away and walk out before any fists can be exchanged.

( Read more... )

In the last week John had started collecting objects he could afford to see brutally destroyed. Not for Karkat's weirdo nest, but to throw over the foot of his bed and wake him up when he was in the middle of a nightmare, before morning-zombie Dave decided to stumble out of bed and wake the alien up his own special way. They did not have enough towels on the whole island to sponge up that much blood.

(John had made the mistake of lobbing his own pillow exactly once. Jake and Dirk were still finding bits and pieces of memory foam in their sheets four days later.)

( Read more... )

Still Davesprite/Karkat, still post-game, still dealing with too many Striders in one small apartment, still a sequel to awake at night & assorted ficlets.

Chapter 1: Day eight

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Chapter 2: day nine

-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering truncatedGrip [TG] --

EB: hey, pigeon face. :D
TG: hey miss beaver
EB: how's the life of cleaning lady treating you, buddy?
TG: fuck you very much my feather duster is the best in three states i will fight you
EB: pfffff WORK THOSE HIPS, STRIDER.
TG: whoa there stallion
TG: are you trying to take my rp virginity can we keep to one scenario
TG: like am i carmencita the cleaning lady your wife hired or am i one of those french can can dancers or what
EB: you're a maid that i'm paying a little extra to clean in costume. hubba hubba.
TG: okay i can work with that
TG: who wouldnt want to polish the family jewels while in a thong and ostrich feathers for a little over minimum wages honestly
EB: i wonder!
EB: anyway dad just called from the road and i was supposed to tell you guys they'll be there in one hour barring accidents or traffic clusterfucks and whatnot.
EB: better hope you're ready for inspection!
TG: i am always ready for inspection senor she says while bending over like she bought her spine on clearance at ikea
TG: was that a cracking noise you might wonder no just threw my back a little but that way im already bent over for you senor
EB: that's hot. :X
EB: /he says while presenting her with the *eyebrow waggle* family heirloom sword.
TG: dude you suck at rping carmencitas head is like down to her knees its totes unrealistic that guys dong would be that long
TG: unless youre playing a strider i guess
TG: i have all the canon details at hand to smooth the way of your epic literary rp john you only have to ask
EB: ... are we going to gay chicken ourselves into cybering a full scene again.
EB: i wouldn't care but i'm kind of sitting right beside my dad's even more coddling clone. ( Read more... )

Summary: Magnetic Wodka has more side-effects than you'd expect. Fortunately, John and Jade are enterprising and adventurous souls willing to help Karkat explore them.

Contains: A threesome (F/M/M) - porny xeno shenanigans (tentabulge + nook combo w00t) - double penetration (:3) - underage drinking - a horrific strap-on - being silly with video game mechanics - a Dreambubble. (Does not contain twincest.)

10 500 words.

One minute Karkat was shuffling random odds and ends out of a cupboard in the meteor's lab-kitchen looking for that mythical last package of Instant Grubcorns, the next he was standing like a dumbass on space-black brittle rock, a bottle of Magnetic Wodka in hand and lakes of blood all around.

( Pulse and Haze. Joy. )