Teamwork 3

Follows this scene.

Unbetaed, fresh off the presses, if you have anything at all to point out regarding the flow, the characterization, the spelling and grammar, anything at all! Please point it out.

This chapter frustrates me because mostly it's just Naruto and Jin, and I can't tell if
-I wrote Naruto's reactions to Jin IC,
-I didn't spend too long talking about him, thus creating an effect of LOOK AT MY OC ISN'T HE COOL LOOK LOOK LOOK (but I fear that cutting off some of the bloodline babble might make his trick in the cave unexplainable. But it still feels like it takes too long and I can't tell whether Naruto would even care. Also toward the end I'm wondering if I could condense some of it, but I can't tell how, or what to cut off.)

edit: omg. x__x
1) the end of that scene is SO CONFUSING, I'm rewriting it and I hope it will work better, but in the meantime please read at your own risk;
2) ... i'm STUPID, Rock-sword-nin didn't have his token! Jin picked his pocket. So Jin has two. Damn it, I'll have to edit that in, too.


EDIT EDIT. I like it better like that! But i'm not sure if it's really perfect. Still, yay. Added a little interaction in the middle, cut off stuff, blahblahblah.


Thank god, once I'm done with the Sakura scene they'll leave and won't be seen again for ages and ages and ages. x__x I mean they're fun, but they're trying to take over. Bleargh.

( Naruto )