![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Fri, Mar. 21st, 2008
Post pimp~
Fri, Mar. 21st, 2008 17:45Great post on Japanese expectations of flirting, dating and sex, from the point of view of someone who lived in Japan and had quite a few interesting culture clash moments. XD
3. Subtle signals
- Shyness. Pronounced shyness is form of flirting, since it's a sign of liking, especially from girls, but also from guys. She interacts with everyone else more than him, she doesn't sit next to him, she doesn't talk much to him, she doesn't initiate anything with him.
(...)
- Eye contact. It's the opposite to the west, where you gaze deeply into someone's eyes if you like them. Direct eye contact is a bit rude in Japan at the best of times. If you're flirting you look down and away a lot.
(...)
Part of what was so bamboozling the first time I had sex in Japan was that I didn't know there was a Way of Sex, with strict gendered roles, and I just was happily doing my own thing, throwing my partner into total confusion. Seiji told me much later that dating me made him feel like he was gay, because I was active in bed, and he couldn't connect that with anything except masculinity.
When it came to the guys I dated, even though it was completely outside their experience, they sort of (kind of) eventually adjusted their thinking and accepted the fact that I was active (because I was Foreign and Foreign Women Are Different) but the thing I could never completely change was the fixed idea they had that someone must be passive.
Some of the comments are also pretty cool. XD
RE: showers, hilarity. Now I see that the scene in Soshite Koi ga Hajimaru where Asami says to Miki, "I'd tell you to go take a shower...BUT I CAN'T WAIT" is far more intense and radical crazytalk than I'd originally realized. Ah, the great mirror of BL.
Also, an older post about what's considered gay and not gay in japanese culture (most of the good stuff is in the comments.) It's an oooold post, though, so you should probably not comment on it? XD
... Oh hell, hit her "japan" tag, there's some shiny stuff in there. u.u
Who knew, yaoi doujins apparently aren't so caricatural. ... This definitely throws me on the Slash side of the boylove Force. XD
3. Subtle signals
- Shyness. Pronounced shyness is form of flirting, since it's a sign of liking, especially from girls, but also from guys. She interacts with everyone else more than him, she doesn't sit next to him, she doesn't talk much to him, she doesn't initiate anything with him.
(...)
- Eye contact. It's the opposite to the west, where you gaze deeply into someone's eyes if you like them. Direct eye contact is a bit rude in Japan at the best of times. If you're flirting you look down and away a lot.
(...)
Part of what was so bamboozling the first time I had sex in Japan was that I didn't know there was a Way of Sex, with strict gendered roles, and I just was happily doing my own thing, throwing my partner into total confusion. Seiji told me much later that dating me made him feel like he was gay, because I was active in bed, and he couldn't connect that with anything except masculinity.
When it came to the guys I dated, even though it was completely outside their experience, they sort of (kind of) eventually adjusted their thinking and accepted the fact that I was active (because I was Foreign and Foreign Women Are Different) but the thing I could never completely change was the fixed idea they had that someone must be passive.
Some of the comments are also pretty cool. XD
RE: showers, hilarity. Now I see that the scene in Soshite Koi ga Hajimaru where Asami says to Miki, "I'd tell you to go take a shower...BUT I CAN'T WAIT" is far more intense and radical crazytalk than I'd originally realized. Ah, the great mirror of BL.
Also, an older post about what's considered gay and not gay in japanese culture (most of the good stuff is in the comments.) It's an oooold post, though, so you should probably not comment on it? XD
... Oh hell, hit her "japan" tag, there's some shiny stuff in there. u.u
Who knew, yaoi doujins apparently aren't so caricatural. ... This definitely throws me on the Slash side of the boylove Force. XD