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Entry tags:
Monthly Word Count - May
TOTAL: 36 332.
:DDD Not bad!
POSTED
-Testing the Springs - Fivesome porn (1 732 words)
-Discofurry Chanyowl - Nepeta/Karkat porn (3 385 words)
-Covalent 'verse: Week One pesterlogs (2 579 words) (on AO3; will code them for LJ later aaa so much work)
-Three Sentences Meme ficlets: in this post. (965 words)
WIP
-GUNDAM WING O_O: Lone Wolf and Pilot (2 585 words)
-Homestuck: Covalent 'verse: Jane POV fic (7 169 words)
-HS: Sunlightverse: Hoofbeastquest (1 541 words)
-HS: Crash Standing, two Karkat&Byrd pesterlogs (1 988 words)
-HS: Battlefield Terra chapter 7 (11 516 words !! :DDD)
-HS: Midnight on the Demon Patrol (2 872 words)
Three Sentences Meme ficlets
---
Karkat, Dave & Terezi; fantasy AU; Two bold knights are sent on a quest to slay a dragon. Things do not go as planned.
---
“Dragons are supposed to like shiny things not red things, red is not fucking shiny, red is — very not shiny oh god why am I upside down, stop shaking me, nothing will fall out WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE TONGUE?!”
“Aw, but your eyes are like delectable cherr — I mean, rubies,” the dragon purred (it sounded like a little avalanche.)
“Dude, you know if you didn’t keep trying to escape she would totally stop dangling you over the void and let you ride on her back?” the other knight asked; the dragon obligingly turned into the wind to make his cape flare.
---
cynicalsleeper asked you: Dave/Karkat, slave trade (humans buying trolls as slaves or trolls buying humans as slaves?)
... curse you. (3 sentences + 2x3 sentences + 3 sentences.)
---
“Well best bro, you see, we were all to getting our chat on what with Eribro, and he up and said as to what your not getting laid was what was making your chompteeth all hells of ravenous recentlyish, but there’s all about the drones would get their stabbity action on your meat costume if you pailed with a troll, and I… got a thought in my pan you’d… like it…?”
“Thank you so fucking much for your touching worry about the state of my shame globes,” Karkat growled back, a hand massaging the base of his horn insistently to stave off the headache the chain-draped human slumped on his front step was giving him. “Help me get him inside before he holy flying bilgefuck there’s blood everywhere what the hell Gamzee did you find him in a cull ditch?!”
—
“Stop jerking my fucking fronds and answer me already, what, are, your, skills, fucking doesn’t count because I’m not going to be fucking you, and fighting doesn’t count either, I can fight, I don’t need a washed out gladiator to wash my fucking dishes!”
The human stared at him impassively for a second, beast-red eyes squinting just barely in the harsh kitchen light, before he answered; “Pretty good at photography — a regular artist with a camera if I may say so — and I own the hell out of that shit you assholes call slam poetry…”
“Okay,” Karkat replied, and found out his hand was massaging a headache out of his horn in what was fast becoming a compulsive habit, “okay, so in other words you can shut your word chute and be decorative, I can totally work with that.”
“But do I get a gold bikini,” the human drawled.
“A wh — oh, suck my bulge,” Karkat groaned back. “—I didn’t mean that literally!”
—
CG: JUST TELL ME WHY I HAD TO END UP SADDLED WITH THE SASSIEST, BULGETEASIEST OF ALL BARGAIN BIN RESCUES, GAMZEE, YOU CHEAP-ASSED FOAM-PANNED ASSHOLE, JUST TELL ME THAT.
TC: aww bro, but he got all a full stock of them shapely glutes and nasty-ass disposition, don’t be all like telling me you ain’t got your hate on for this pasty motherfucker even a little bit )o:
CG: ... THAT IS SO NOT THE ISSUE.
---
tanukikyle asked you: Karkat/Kanaya/Grubs, AU where Kanaya smuggled him into the breeding caverns to hide him as other people try to overtake the empire/ect very cautiously.
---
By the third week Karkat is crazy enough with the constant gloom and the weight of the mountain over his head that she isn’t surprised to find him trying to hold court with the grubs.
They’re too young and too instinctual to be reasoned with, and it breaks Kanaya’s heart a little how it breaks his that all of them will hiss and scamper off when he comes close, when Kanaya herself always comes to him with at least two or three Jade grubs swinging from her skirts and squeaking happily.
She looks and she looks but she never finds any grub with his particular mutation anywhere.
---
Roxy, the cherub siblings; at war with cherubs
---
The thing is, Roxy likes one of the cherub’s facets a ton.
The thing is, you do not go to war with an adult cherub, adult cherubs eat solar systems for a light breakfast with a finely aged sun for dessert and what the fuck can any human weapon do against that.
The thing is, there is only one way to win a war with a cherub, and it’s to catch them young, and to have armor-piercing rounds in a good rifle, just like the one in Roxy’s hands.
---
pinkstarpirater asked you: Characters: Dave, Karkat, and Dirk; AU setting-space station overrun with zombies (bwahaha! ONE sentence!)
---
“I can explain,” says the troll survivor they were fighting their way out with, only the words come out garbled by the girder imbedded in his lung.
---
Gamzee, Karkat; Fef has taken over and her desire for a kinder, gentler Alternia has crashed headfirst into realpolitik
---
Gamzee spreads his fingers, watches fish-colored gore and brain matter slide off his hands to splatter to the ground, and muses into the silence, Sorry, best bro, couldn’t wrap my pan around all those smart words you were wanting me to up and say.”
He looks around; still more live indigoes and purples than dead ones anymore in the great hall, but only just, just enough for him to smile at all vague and nice, and tell them, “now are there any disrespectful motherfuckers as want to make any sorts of unpious noise about my palebro’s wisdom.”
He ends up having to cull another half of those who were left.
---
Daemon!BT Bro and Noir! the first time they touched each other’s daemons during an intimate moment?
---
When he lets Jack wrestle him down and handcuff him to the bed frame, Bro already knows their usual sex is not what’s going to happen, but he thinks it’s fair enough; he touched Slick, after all, even if he had to, even if it didn’t hurt, didn’t feel wrong, even if nothing bad happened.
Because nothing bad happened.
It would be worth it already just for the face Jack makes when Osprey-Bro lands on his reaching hand of his own volition.
---
Anonymous asked you: Rose, Kanaya, Karkat; humans defeated the Alternian Empire decades ago and are now occupying Alternia itself.
---
“Yeah, awesome, one of them treats you like her favored pet, that sure is something to jizz yourself over. The rest of them are still enslaving us, so choose a fucking side already!”
“How can you even say that,” Kanaya rasped, head in her hands, “when in those good old days you miss so much you would have been culled,” and they both knew she had chosen already.
---
TEASERS
--
GW: Lone Wolf and Pilot
--
Killer crossed the balancing beam in four big lopes, and didn't fall only because he'd gone too fast to leave either gravity or the heavy wood's momentum any time to catch up. Then he was climbing up a slope-y little thing, and then he was coming to a screeching stop.
Surprise was so strong Duo almost threw himself flat on the ground, only because surprises that violent were almost never good, and then --
Racing -- oh my god he's charging that -- oh no new people there -- too far to stop that monster -- Agent Strauss! Agent, Killer!
Duo shook his head (like that could help) and ran after his wolf.
There were two people by the side of the track, in Preventers jackets -- full agents, not trainees -- and two wolves. A grayish brown one with a docked tail, and a somewhat runty black one, not quite hip-deep on his brother, and Duo was never going to get there in time.
He couldn't hear himself think over that fucking noise, how the fuck was he supposed to hear Killer?!
Surprise, from a few different people, and then the black wolf limped forward to meet Killer and Killer dodged by a hair -- the shock would have been violent -- and circled back to jump on him from the side.
Oddly gently, at that. The other wolf let himself fall almost more than Killer felled him.
The scent of woods and tree pulp exploded in his nose, and a dry, soft smell that after a second he remembered was feathers. A bird. A bird up in a tree.
Coyote.
"Trowa, you son of a bitch, you've cut your hair!"
--
Covalent : Jane fic
--
Jane hasn't really left her house -- her hive, she guesses -- ever since the game spat her out. She's wandered to the supplies depot a couple of times, seen trolls -- gray people, not human, not human -- from afar, hasn't really exchanged words with any of them (they think she's one of them.) She's aware she has neighbors somewhat nearbyish but her yard is huge -- the grass is getting overgrown, Dad would be -- and a thick line of trees and bushes cuts off the view on three sides of her property.
(On the fourth side there's a lake shore. In the water is a Nessie. She's content with watching from afar.)
She's an adventuress, though, and she has done more complicated and dangerous things in the Game than to shoulder her backpack, pick up her war fork, and follow a map.
She doesn't have to kill anyone on the way.
She almost does kill (Fefeta) Nepeta, when the (gray) girl jumps out of the bushes and runs at her, waving excitedly.
She would have regretted it immensely, she thinks a second later, her arms locked around a small, compact body, cat-ear horns nudging up against her (horns) skull.
"You have Feferi horns!" Nepeta exclaims, and proceeds to cup Jane's face with both (clawed) hands and tilt it down to see them better.
Jane had noticed. (She's been wondering if Roxy might have Nepeta horns, but apparently they're p. awesome swirlycurls like sooo mad cute instead.) She finds she is a little glad, despite the way her body twangs with adrenaline, when a mountain of muscles comes out of the bushes in turn to detach Nepeta from her.
(She feels too nice and right and safe, and Jane has been keeping close enough track of her own reactions to know it's more than simple relief at seeing half of a familiar, friendly face.)
He's weird in grays instead of reds, oddly more polite and awkward than his sprite. She wonders if he took anything from AR at all.
Her PDA pings her. "Ah, excuse me."
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
EB: are you super mega sure you don't want me to come and pick you up though? we're already on our way but we can still make a detour easy.
EB: it's so much fun!!!
GG: I assumed based on previous conversations that Miss Serket was not allowing you to fly of your own self-admitted very wobbly accord?
GG: Something about your... altitude control.
EB: bluh bluh. no altitude problem when you're over the clouds! :D
EB: there'd be a ton of time to catch me. her rocket boots are super fast!
GG: Why, what reason is there to hesitate at all.
EB: or i guess you could ride on tavros' lap. ;B
GG: I'll pass, thank you ever so much. :B
GG: At any rate I would not want to leave Nepeta and Equius behind so callously.
When the conversation is finished she keeps typing nonsense in the window.
--
Sunlightverse: Hoofbeastquest
--
It is known well that the Signless one, the Blood-Pained one, he of the Selfless Sacrifice, was loved dearly by his Disciple, as is the rightful order of things.
Thus one day came to pass that she asked of him, O you with no name of your own, for even this you gave away to one in need, have you no need of your own?
And so he said, O night-hued best-beloved, I have no need bigger than that of tending to others, for their thirst and hunger assails my soul all around the ever turning wheel of seasons.
And she said unto him, O brightest star, I shall endeavor to support you in this task, so as to lighten your arduous burden. Yet she persisted. Had he not perhaps a desire, a thing that might please and flatter his soul as a pleasant fragrance or the taste of honey?
And he demurred, in greatest shame, and refused to share his greatest selfishness, but by force of love and care at last the Disciple received her Master's confession.
--
"Okay, so where the heck do I even start hunting fur a meowniature hoofbeast around here?"
--
First of all tasks the Disciple went, as is most natural, to her soul-sister, lithe, gallant Huntress, of wild-tousl'd curls and greenest eyes, whose great claws cut even steel itself. And thus she begged, lo, my sister, will you aid me in my quest, as for all that copper-gilt'd Signless ever desired such an insignificant thing, I know not where to go. O you who track the wolf and the lamia and the gryphon to their den and slay them without fear, might you in your travels have seen the object of my quest?
And the Huntress was saddened as she spoke, for she had not, as hoofbeasts do not dwell in the deepest forests; and her own heart's mate, proud, mighty Blacksmith, had gone a fortnight past to answer a greater call, that Huntress dared not interfere in the name of the Signless one's pleasure, as Signless himself would have been most displeased that his own pleasure might be the cause of such grievous injustice.
And thus they wailed to the skies, for who but the Blacksmith, the Great-Maned, he who stampedes, could have given them aid in this task.
--
" Horses, huh? Well, I can't say I'm not intrigued. Bit hard to come by on platforms above the sea, I've never seen one in real life. If we don't count Maplehoof. Need a third party member?"
--
And thus it became that their cousin of Heart did offer his helping hands, for as the Disciple cherished the Signless, Snowsoft, the Beguiler, he of honeyed words and ever-true frost-glaives, cherished the proud hoofbeast for how much the Blacksmith cherished it in turn.
--
Crash Standing
--
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] trolled truncatedGrip [TG] --
CG: HEY, BYRD.
TG: dude im like two meters away you dork
CG: I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU IF
TG: ??
TG: spit it out dude im not telepathic yet i know im awesome in all other regards but life had to nerf me somewhat
CG: OKAY, I'LL JUST SAY IT.
CG: ON THE TOPIC OF YOUR BATHING APPARATUS BEING SORT OF SEE-THROUGH IN THE BACK. (WHICH I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LOOK AT, SEEING WHERE YOU PUT YOUR TOWEL, THAT WAS SUBTLE.) WAS THAT PLANNED OR...?
CG: ... I SEE IT WASN'T.
CG: HEH.
CG: NICE DIVING FOR COVER THERE.
TG: shut up that was totally smooth i just faked it like it wasnt because the swag quotient woulda scared you off otherwise
CG: JUST A VICTIM OF YOUR MORTAL PALLOR DECIMATING THE BLACK THREADS OF THIS STRUGGLING PIECE OF CLOTH THEN?
TG: no thats just my dong
TG: containing that beast does a number on just about any kind of fiber really the strain just redistributed equally to my perfect ass cheeks is all
CG: HUH, IT'S ALSO SEE-THROUGH IN THE FRONT.
CG: ...
CG: I THINK PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING. UM.
TG: asjimugyhvfgtu
CG: WELL, I *DID* SEE IT COMING. OCULARLY.
TG: for fucks sake karkat
TG: i will throw myself overboard see if i wont
CG: DON'T, I'LL DROWN GOING AFTER YOU.
TG: awwww
CG: AND THEN GAMZEE WILL FISH YOU OUT, THE LONE SURVIVOR.
TG: ..................................
TG: yeah ok im staying on the boat
CG: GOOD.
TG: dude eyes back on the pesterchum screen.
TG: you naughty objectifier of poor sweet innocent girls everywhere
CG: WHAT CAN I SAY. YOU DON'T DO HALF-BAD AS DECK DECORATION.
CG: OKAY, NO, THIS POSE MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A SURVIVOR OF A SPINE OPERATION GONE WRONG.
--
Battlefield Terra chapter 7
--
"Karkat? It's okay, you're fine."
Karkat blinked up at him, red irises slowly going back to something closer to their normal size. "Ah -- nhh."
"Okay?" John prompted, eyebrows arched doubtfully. Karkat grumbled at him, eyebrows furrowing.
"Mnkay."
"Oh, come on, I know you know how to say that one."
"Fuck you Zhann kay."
Dave cleared his throat in a way that only accidentally resembled a laugh. Also, John had a bridge to sell in London, real old and pretty grungy, real cheap.
"Now who taught him to say those bad, bad words. They should be punished." Dave waggled his eyebrows, mouth pinched in a not entirely convincing straight line.
John considered it. "Pretty sure it was Jade."
Karkat growled under his breath and sidled closer so he could kick the side of John's foot. "Fuck and fuck you. It's word good. Also fuck you again."
"It's so sad how I know what you really want to say involves probably a crapton of body holes I don't even have and like half the contents of this room," John commiserated, nodding sadly. Karkat kicked him again.
"Zhann you dumb shitstupid face."
"He's got you pegged, though," Dave said. John grabbed for him to administer a well-deserved noogie.
"Kids," Mr. Strider said, which brought everyone to a mildly guilty (John) to frankly stiff (Karkat) stop.
He was standing again, tugging his gloves back in place; John leaned his shoulder against Karkat before he could stare at them too much. Seriously it was like he expected the dude to beat him half to death with his fists.
"Try again?" John asked, nodding toward Dave.
"Hm. Nah. Dave, run through the third to sixth kata. John, Karkat, you're sparring. Come on."
They went back to the middle of the room; Karkat looked briefly relieved when Strider stood off to the side and John lifted his fists instead, and then worried again. At least not about to freak out, though.
"Little fight! Nice fight! And no scratching my face, please, I like my eyeballs."
"You're wearing glasses anyway, worry more about shards," Strider commented. "Go."
They went. John kept it cautious, playful, a smile firmly affixed to his face. He had to bop Karkat's nose before he got a response, an annoyed hiss and slash that would have opened the inside of his elbow had he dodged any slower. Whoa. He tripped Karkat and landed him on his butt in retaliation, and then he was on the floor being kicked at while his leg was trapped in a bear hug.
"You're dead," Strider commented placidly. "He gutted you and slit your throat. Karkat, your nose is broken by his knee in his death throes."
Karkat startled and blinked up at him, hearing his name, but when Strider made no move to come closer he returned to the fight. He considered John with a little thoughtful frown for a couple of seconds, then ground the ball of his foot on the underside of John's jaw pointedly, until John groaned and rolled loosely on the floor in surrender.
"He's wearing shoes!" John protested. "I'd just be bruised."
"Cotton tops? He pushes a bit, his claws pop through like a dream. Also... hm. Get him to do it again."
Grimacing, John climbed back up on his feet. "Why?"
"'Cause if my theory is correct he was trained to fight with blade-tipped boots. He didn't expect your ribcage would stop him. His claws aren't that sharp."
"Charming," John groaned, but got up again. Even Karkat was beating him today, blurgh. But he didn't want to fight more seriously against him. Like, really not. Karkat really was no good at roughhousing.
He tripped Karkat again, but this time the alien rolled away and bounced back into a crouch, started circling. He was still wary, though mostly of Strider, who he kept glancing nervously at, as if to ask if he was doing it right yet. Strider, of course, was wall-faced as usual. John huffed out a rueful laugh and charged again.
Ten minutes later they had learned that when startled Karkat went for the arteries with disturbing proficiency, and that the next time John grabbed him by the wrists and refused to let go he needed to be wearing a cup.
Fucking ow.
"Bro?" Dave asked, half-horrified and half-laughing, the asshole.
Karkat had basically used John's hold on him for support to jump up and double-kick him in the junk. John had dodged some.
Some. "... ffff thank fuck for nanomachines," he managed to groan, still curled up on his side on the floor.
"Uhn. Zhann? You -- urr. No good?"
"No shit I'm not good." John let out a half-faked whimper. "Mean. So mean. I will never have children. No Little Johns. Never!"
"We don't need to know what you call your junk, bro, for serious. It's so unimaginative it makes mine curdle, for one."
"Karkat?" John asked, breathing carefully. The pain was getting more manageable already, but he still didn't want to move, though it was mostly psychological. "Kick Dave. Dave is stupid dumb. Kick him."
--
Midnight on the Demon Patrol chapter uhhh 16 i think
--
"Tell me it's a giant puppet," Grier is muttering, squinting at the toy shop.
"Try not to be any more of a cliché horror character, guys," Burnett says with a faintly amused snort. "Right. Is he breathing?" Shirt moving faintly in a wind Dave doesn't feel, Grier reluctantly nods. "Okay. You should stay out with the officers, find somewhere defensible. Any of them goes crazy, sit on them until Strider can race back out."
"Why doesn't he stay out then?"
She turns to her partner and pats his cheek. She reminds Dave of the doting aunt he never had. (Roxy's mom does it too but it always feels like she's mimicking something she has no clue how to make work in real life.) "Because I'm not taking anyone who's not immune into a puppet den, and as much as it hurts me, you might not be."
Grier sighs, nods. Burnett turns to Dave and Karkat. "Strider, Vantas -- we're going inside and bringing that man out. Strider, you're a strapping lad, you get to carry him. Vantas, you're on defense. Anything moves in there, obliterate it."
"Yes, ma'am," Karkat replies, eyes shining in an entirely literal way.
They all start moving into position.
"Can I point out that it's totally a trap," Dave says tiredly, even as he jogs after her, both hands holding onto his gun.
The cuddliest-looking soccer mom Dave has ever worked with chuckles under her breath, eyes positively gleaming with evil mirth. "If you like pointing out the obvious so much, who am I to stop you?"
Karkat snorts, teeth bared in what is only remotely a smile.
"... Haha. Yeah, okay. Let's spring the hell out of it." Dave would ask Latula to provide a little perspective there, but she's just as much of a Knight as the rest of them, which means she's too busy purring.
:DDD Not bad!
POSTED
-Testing the Springs - Fivesome porn (1 732 words)
-Discofurry Chanyowl - Nepeta/Karkat porn (3 385 words)
-Covalent 'verse: Week One pesterlogs (2 579 words) (on AO3; will code them for LJ later aaa so much work)
-Three Sentences Meme ficlets: in this post. (965 words)
WIP
-GUNDAM WING O_O: Lone Wolf and Pilot (2 585 words)
-Homestuck: Covalent 'verse: Jane POV fic (7 169 words)
-HS: Sunlightverse: Hoofbeastquest (1 541 words)
-HS: Crash Standing, two Karkat&Byrd pesterlogs (1 988 words)
-HS: Battlefield Terra chapter 7 (11 516 words !! :DDD)
-HS: Midnight on the Demon Patrol (2 872 words)
Three Sentences Meme ficlets
---
Karkat, Dave & Terezi; fantasy AU; Two bold knights are sent on a quest to slay a dragon. Things do not go as planned.
---
“Dragons are supposed to like shiny things not red things, red is not fucking shiny, red is — very not shiny oh god why am I upside down, stop shaking me, nothing will fall out WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE TONGUE?!”
“Aw, but your eyes are like delectable cherr — I mean, rubies,” the dragon purred (it sounded like a little avalanche.)
“Dude, you know if you didn’t keep trying to escape she would totally stop dangling you over the void and let you ride on her back?” the other knight asked; the dragon obligingly turned into the wind to make his cape flare.
---
cynicalsleeper asked you: Dave/Karkat, slave trade (humans buying trolls as slaves or trolls buying humans as slaves?)
... curse you. (3 sentences + 2x3 sentences + 3 sentences.)
---
“Well best bro, you see, we were all to getting our chat on what with Eribro, and he up and said as to what your not getting laid was what was making your chompteeth all hells of ravenous recentlyish, but there’s all about the drones would get their stabbity action on your meat costume if you pailed with a troll, and I… got a thought in my pan you’d… like it…?”
“Thank you so fucking much for your touching worry about the state of my shame globes,” Karkat growled back, a hand massaging the base of his horn insistently to stave off the headache the chain-draped human slumped on his front step was giving him. “Help me get him inside before he holy flying bilgefuck there’s blood everywhere what the hell Gamzee did you find him in a cull ditch?!”
—
“Stop jerking my fucking fronds and answer me already, what, are, your, skills, fucking doesn’t count because I’m not going to be fucking you, and fighting doesn’t count either, I can fight, I don’t need a washed out gladiator to wash my fucking dishes!”
The human stared at him impassively for a second, beast-red eyes squinting just barely in the harsh kitchen light, before he answered; “Pretty good at photography — a regular artist with a camera if I may say so — and I own the hell out of that shit you assholes call slam poetry…”
“Okay,” Karkat replied, and found out his hand was massaging a headache out of his horn in what was fast becoming a compulsive habit, “okay, so in other words you can shut your word chute and be decorative, I can totally work with that.”
“But do I get a gold bikini,” the human drawled.
“A wh — oh, suck my bulge,” Karkat groaned back. “—I didn’t mean that literally!”
—
CG: JUST TELL ME WHY I HAD TO END UP SADDLED WITH THE SASSIEST, BULGETEASIEST OF ALL BARGAIN BIN RESCUES, GAMZEE, YOU CHEAP-ASSED FOAM-PANNED ASSHOLE, JUST TELL ME THAT.
TC: aww bro, but he got all a full stock of them shapely glutes and nasty-ass disposition, don’t be all like telling me you ain’t got your hate on for this pasty motherfucker even a little bit )o:
CG: ... THAT IS SO NOT THE ISSUE.
---
tanukikyle asked you: Karkat/Kanaya/Grubs, AU where Kanaya smuggled him into the breeding caverns to hide him as other people try to overtake the empire/ect very cautiously.
---
By the third week Karkat is crazy enough with the constant gloom and the weight of the mountain over his head that she isn’t surprised to find him trying to hold court with the grubs.
They’re too young and too instinctual to be reasoned with, and it breaks Kanaya’s heart a little how it breaks his that all of them will hiss and scamper off when he comes close, when Kanaya herself always comes to him with at least two or three Jade grubs swinging from her skirts and squeaking happily.
She looks and she looks but she never finds any grub with his particular mutation anywhere.
---
Roxy, the cherub siblings; at war with cherubs
---
The thing is, Roxy likes one of the cherub’s facets a ton.
The thing is, you do not go to war with an adult cherub, adult cherubs eat solar systems for a light breakfast with a finely aged sun for dessert and what the fuck can any human weapon do against that.
The thing is, there is only one way to win a war with a cherub, and it’s to catch them young, and to have armor-piercing rounds in a good rifle, just like the one in Roxy’s hands.
---
pinkstarpirater asked you: Characters: Dave, Karkat, and Dirk; AU setting-space station overrun with zombies (bwahaha! ONE sentence!)
---
“I can explain,” says the troll survivor they were fighting their way out with, only the words come out garbled by the girder imbedded in his lung.
---
Gamzee, Karkat; Fef has taken over and her desire for a kinder, gentler Alternia has crashed headfirst into realpolitik
---
Gamzee spreads his fingers, watches fish-colored gore and brain matter slide off his hands to splatter to the ground, and muses into the silence, Sorry, best bro, couldn’t wrap my pan around all those smart words you were wanting me to up and say.”
He looks around; still more live indigoes and purples than dead ones anymore in the great hall, but only just, just enough for him to smile at all vague and nice, and tell them, “now are there any disrespectful motherfuckers as want to make any sorts of unpious noise about my palebro’s wisdom.”
He ends up having to cull another half of those who were left.
---
Daemon!BT Bro and Noir! the first time they touched each other’s daemons during an intimate moment?
---
When he lets Jack wrestle him down and handcuff him to the bed frame, Bro already knows their usual sex is not what’s going to happen, but he thinks it’s fair enough; he touched Slick, after all, even if he had to, even if it didn’t hurt, didn’t feel wrong, even if nothing bad happened.
Because nothing bad happened.
It would be worth it already just for the face Jack makes when Osprey-Bro lands on his reaching hand of his own volition.
---
Anonymous asked you: Rose, Kanaya, Karkat; humans defeated the Alternian Empire decades ago and are now occupying Alternia itself.
---
“Yeah, awesome, one of them treats you like her favored pet, that sure is something to jizz yourself over. The rest of them are still enslaving us, so choose a fucking side already!”
“How can you even say that,” Kanaya rasped, head in her hands, “when in those good old days you miss so much you would have been culled,” and they both knew she had chosen already.
---
TEASERS
--
GW: Lone Wolf and Pilot
--
Killer crossed the balancing beam in four big lopes, and didn't fall only because he'd gone too fast to leave either gravity or the heavy wood's momentum any time to catch up. Then he was climbing up a slope-y little thing, and then he was coming to a screeching stop.
Surprise was so strong Duo almost threw himself flat on the ground, only because surprises that violent were almost never good, and then --
Racing -- oh my god he's charging that -- oh no new people there -- too far to stop that monster -- Agent Strauss! Agent, Killer!
Duo shook his head (like that could help) and ran after his wolf.
There were two people by the side of the track, in Preventers jackets -- full agents, not trainees -- and two wolves. A grayish brown one with a docked tail, and a somewhat runty black one, not quite hip-deep on his brother, and Duo was never going to get there in time.
He couldn't hear himself think over that fucking noise, how the fuck was he supposed to hear Killer?!
Surprise, from a few different people, and then the black wolf limped forward to meet Killer and Killer dodged by a hair -- the shock would have been violent -- and circled back to jump on him from the side.
Oddly gently, at that. The other wolf let himself fall almost more than Killer felled him.
The scent of woods and tree pulp exploded in his nose, and a dry, soft smell that after a second he remembered was feathers. A bird. A bird up in a tree.
Coyote.
"Trowa, you son of a bitch, you've cut your hair!"
--
Covalent : Jane fic
--
Jane hasn't really left her house -- her hive, she guesses -- ever since the game spat her out. She's wandered to the supplies depot a couple of times, seen trolls -- gray people, not human, not human -- from afar, hasn't really exchanged words with any of them (they think she's one of them.) She's aware she has neighbors somewhat nearbyish but her yard is huge -- the grass is getting overgrown, Dad would be -- and a thick line of trees and bushes cuts off the view on three sides of her property.
(On the fourth side there's a lake shore. In the water is a Nessie. She's content with watching from afar.)
She's an adventuress, though, and she has done more complicated and dangerous things in the Game than to shoulder her backpack, pick up her war fork, and follow a map.
She doesn't have to kill anyone on the way.
She almost does kill (Fefeta) Nepeta, when the (gray) girl jumps out of the bushes and runs at her, waving excitedly.
She would have regretted it immensely, she thinks a second later, her arms locked around a small, compact body, cat-ear horns nudging up against her (horns) skull.
"You have Feferi horns!" Nepeta exclaims, and proceeds to cup Jane's face with both (clawed) hands and tilt it down to see them better.
Jane had noticed. (She's been wondering if Roxy might have Nepeta horns, but apparently they're p. awesome swirlycurls like sooo mad cute instead.) She finds she is a little glad, despite the way her body twangs with adrenaline, when a mountain of muscles comes out of the bushes in turn to detach Nepeta from her.
(She feels too nice and right and safe, and Jane has been keeping close enough track of her own reactions to know it's more than simple relief at seeing half of a familiar, friendly face.)
He's weird in grays instead of reds, oddly more polite and awkward than his sprite. She wonders if he took anything from AR at all.
Her PDA pings her. "Ah, excuse me."
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started trolling gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
EB: are you super mega sure you don't want me to come and pick you up though? we're already on our way but we can still make a detour easy.
EB: it's so much fun!!!
GG: I assumed based on previous conversations that Miss Serket was not allowing you to fly of your own self-admitted very wobbly accord?
GG: Something about your... altitude control.
EB: bluh bluh. no altitude problem when you're over the clouds! :D
EB: there'd be a ton of time to catch me. her rocket boots are super fast!
GG: Why, what reason is there to hesitate at all.
EB: or i guess you could ride on tavros' lap. ;B
GG: I'll pass, thank you ever so much. :B
GG: At any rate I would not want to leave Nepeta and Equius behind so callously.
When the conversation is finished she keeps typing nonsense in the window.
--
Sunlightverse: Hoofbeastquest
--
It is known well that the Signless one, the Blood-Pained one, he of the Selfless Sacrifice, was loved dearly by his Disciple, as is the rightful order of things.
Thus one day came to pass that she asked of him, O you with no name of your own, for even this you gave away to one in need, have you no need of your own?
And so he said, O night-hued best-beloved, I have no need bigger than that of tending to others, for their thirst and hunger assails my soul all around the ever turning wheel of seasons.
And she said unto him, O brightest star, I shall endeavor to support you in this task, so as to lighten your arduous burden. Yet she persisted. Had he not perhaps a desire, a thing that might please and flatter his soul as a pleasant fragrance or the taste of honey?
And he demurred, in greatest shame, and refused to share his greatest selfishness, but by force of love and care at last the Disciple received her Master's confession.
--
"Okay, so where the heck do I even start hunting fur a meowniature hoofbeast around here?"
--
First of all tasks the Disciple went, as is most natural, to her soul-sister, lithe, gallant Huntress, of wild-tousl'd curls and greenest eyes, whose great claws cut even steel itself. And thus she begged, lo, my sister, will you aid me in my quest, as for all that copper-gilt'd Signless ever desired such an insignificant thing, I know not where to go. O you who track the wolf and the lamia and the gryphon to their den and slay them without fear, might you in your travels have seen the object of my quest?
And the Huntress was saddened as she spoke, for she had not, as hoofbeasts do not dwell in the deepest forests; and her own heart's mate, proud, mighty Blacksmith, had gone a fortnight past to answer a greater call, that Huntress dared not interfere in the name of the Signless one's pleasure, as Signless himself would have been most displeased that his own pleasure might be the cause of such grievous injustice.
And thus they wailed to the skies, for who but the Blacksmith, the Great-Maned, he who stampedes, could have given them aid in this task.
--
" Horses, huh? Well, I can't say I'm not intrigued. Bit hard to come by on platforms above the sea, I've never seen one in real life. If we don't count Maplehoof. Need a third party member?"
--
And thus it became that their cousin of Heart did offer his helping hands, for as the Disciple cherished the Signless, Snowsoft, the Beguiler, he of honeyed words and ever-true frost-glaives, cherished the proud hoofbeast for how much the Blacksmith cherished it in turn.
--
Crash Standing
--
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] trolled truncatedGrip [TG] --
CG: HEY, BYRD.
TG: dude im like two meters away you dork
CG: I JUST WANTED TO ASK YOU IF
TG: ??
TG: spit it out dude im not telepathic yet i know im awesome in all other regards but life had to nerf me somewhat
CG: OKAY, I'LL JUST SAY IT.
CG: ON THE TOPIC OF YOUR BATHING APPARATUS BEING SORT OF SEE-THROUGH IN THE BACK. (WHICH I HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO LOOK AT, SEEING WHERE YOU PUT YOUR TOWEL, THAT WAS SUBTLE.) WAS THAT PLANNED OR...?
CG: ... I SEE IT WASN'T.
CG: HEH.
CG: NICE DIVING FOR COVER THERE.
TG: shut up that was totally smooth i just faked it like it wasnt because the swag quotient woulda scared you off otherwise
CG: JUST A VICTIM OF YOUR MORTAL PALLOR DECIMATING THE BLACK THREADS OF THIS STRUGGLING PIECE OF CLOTH THEN?
TG: no thats just my dong
TG: containing that beast does a number on just about any kind of fiber really the strain just redistributed equally to my perfect ass cheeks is all
CG: HUH, IT'S ALSO SEE-THROUGH IN THE FRONT.
CG: ...
CG: I THINK PERHAPS I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING. UM.
TG: asjimugyhvfgtu
CG: WELL, I *DID* SEE IT COMING. OCULARLY.
TG: for fucks sake karkat
TG: i will throw myself overboard see if i wont
CG: DON'T, I'LL DROWN GOING AFTER YOU.
TG: awwww
CG: AND THEN GAMZEE WILL FISH YOU OUT, THE LONE SURVIVOR.
TG: ..................................
TG: yeah ok im staying on the boat
CG: GOOD.
TG: dude eyes back on the pesterchum screen.
TG: you naughty objectifier of poor sweet innocent girls everywhere
CG: WHAT CAN I SAY. YOU DON'T DO HALF-BAD AS DECK DECORATION.
CG: OKAY, NO, THIS POSE MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A SURVIVOR OF A SPINE OPERATION GONE WRONG.
--
Battlefield Terra chapter 7
--
"Karkat? It's okay, you're fine."
Karkat blinked up at him, red irises slowly going back to something closer to their normal size. "Ah -- nhh."
"Okay?" John prompted, eyebrows arched doubtfully. Karkat grumbled at him, eyebrows furrowing.
"Mnkay."
"Oh, come on, I know you know how to say that one."
"Fuck you Zhann kay."
Dave cleared his throat in a way that only accidentally resembled a laugh. Also, John had a bridge to sell in London, real old and pretty grungy, real cheap.
"Now who taught him to say those bad, bad words. They should be punished." Dave waggled his eyebrows, mouth pinched in a not entirely convincing straight line.
John considered it. "Pretty sure it was Jade."
Karkat growled under his breath and sidled closer so he could kick the side of John's foot. "Fuck and fuck you. It's word good. Also fuck you again."
"It's so sad how I know what you really want to say involves probably a crapton of body holes I don't even have and like half the contents of this room," John commiserated, nodding sadly. Karkat kicked him again.
"Zhann you dumb shitstupid face."
"He's got you pegged, though," Dave said. John grabbed for him to administer a well-deserved noogie.
"Kids," Mr. Strider said, which brought everyone to a mildly guilty (John) to frankly stiff (Karkat) stop.
He was standing again, tugging his gloves back in place; John leaned his shoulder against Karkat before he could stare at them too much. Seriously it was like he expected the dude to beat him half to death with his fists.
"Try again?" John asked, nodding toward Dave.
"Hm. Nah. Dave, run through the third to sixth kata. John, Karkat, you're sparring. Come on."
They went back to the middle of the room; Karkat looked briefly relieved when Strider stood off to the side and John lifted his fists instead, and then worried again. At least not about to freak out, though.
"Little fight! Nice fight! And no scratching my face, please, I like my eyeballs."
"You're wearing glasses anyway, worry more about shards," Strider commented. "Go."
They went. John kept it cautious, playful, a smile firmly affixed to his face. He had to bop Karkat's nose before he got a response, an annoyed hiss and slash that would have opened the inside of his elbow had he dodged any slower. Whoa. He tripped Karkat and landed him on his butt in retaliation, and then he was on the floor being kicked at while his leg was trapped in a bear hug.
"You're dead," Strider commented placidly. "He gutted you and slit your throat. Karkat, your nose is broken by his knee in his death throes."
Karkat startled and blinked up at him, hearing his name, but when Strider made no move to come closer he returned to the fight. He considered John with a little thoughtful frown for a couple of seconds, then ground the ball of his foot on the underside of John's jaw pointedly, until John groaned and rolled loosely on the floor in surrender.
"He's wearing shoes!" John protested. "I'd just be bruised."
"Cotton tops? He pushes a bit, his claws pop through like a dream. Also... hm. Get him to do it again."
Grimacing, John climbed back up on his feet. "Why?"
"'Cause if my theory is correct he was trained to fight with blade-tipped boots. He didn't expect your ribcage would stop him. His claws aren't that sharp."
"Charming," John groaned, but got up again. Even Karkat was beating him today, blurgh. But he didn't want to fight more seriously against him. Like, really not. Karkat really was no good at roughhousing.
He tripped Karkat again, but this time the alien rolled away and bounced back into a crouch, started circling. He was still wary, though mostly of Strider, who he kept glancing nervously at, as if to ask if he was doing it right yet. Strider, of course, was wall-faced as usual. John huffed out a rueful laugh and charged again.
Ten minutes later they had learned that when startled Karkat went for the arteries with disturbing proficiency, and that the next time John grabbed him by the wrists and refused to let go he needed to be wearing a cup.
Fucking ow.
"Bro?" Dave asked, half-horrified and half-laughing, the asshole.
Karkat had basically used John's hold on him for support to jump up and double-kick him in the junk. John had dodged some.
Some. "... ffff thank fuck for nanomachines," he managed to groan, still curled up on his side on the floor.
"Uhn. Zhann? You -- urr. No good?"
"No shit I'm not good." John let out a half-faked whimper. "Mean. So mean. I will never have children. No Little Johns. Never!"
"We don't need to know what you call your junk, bro, for serious. It's so unimaginative it makes mine curdle, for one."
"Karkat?" John asked, breathing carefully. The pain was getting more manageable already, but he still didn't want to move, though it was mostly psychological. "Kick Dave. Dave is stupid dumb. Kick him."
--
Midnight on the Demon Patrol chapter uhhh 16 i think
--
"Tell me it's a giant puppet," Grier is muttering, squinting at the toy shop.
"Try not to be any more of a cliché horror character, guys," Burnett says with a faintly amused snort. "Right. Is he breathing?" Shirt moving faintly in a wind Dave doesn't feel, Grier reluctantly nods. "Okay. You should stay out with the officers, find somewhere defensible. Any of them goes crazy, sit on them until Strider can race back out."
"Why doesn't he stay out then?"
She turns to her partner and pats his cheek. She reminds Dave of the doting aunt he never had. (Roxy's mom does it too but it always feels like she's mimicking something she has no clue how to make work in real life.) "Because I'm not taking anyone who's not immune into a puppet den, and as much as it hurts me, you might not be."
Grier sighs, nods. Burnett turns to Dave and Karkat. "Strider, Vantas -- we're going inside and bringing that man out. Strider, you're a strapping lad, you get to carry him. Vantas, you're on defense. Anything moves in there, obliterate it."
"Yes, ma'am," Karkat replies, eyes shining in an entirely literal way.
They all start moving into position.
"Can I point out that it's totally a trap," Dave says tiredly, even as he jogs after her, both hands holding onto his gun.
The cuddliest-looking soccer mom Dave has ever worked with chuckles under her breath, eyes positively gleaming with evil mirth. "If you like pointing out the obvious so much, who am I to stop you?"
Karkat snorts, teeth bared in what is only remotely a smile.
"... Haha. Yeah, okay. Let's spring the hell out of it." Dave would ask Latula to provide a little perspective there, but she's just as much of a Knight as the rest of them, which means she's too busy purring.
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Boy was I excited to see more Lone Wolf, too; it's been so long, but I still love Duo and Killer!
Also further mwahaha-ing for BT!John's poor junk. Karkat, that is an awesome move and I demand you teach it to me immediately; also please send me some blade-toed boots. I would wear them all the time!
I love DS!Dave's tired 'it's a trap, guys, duh' bit, too.
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trowa and coyote are so fun to bounce off duo and killer, did not expect that. ahhhh need to write moar now.
>:D
♥
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