I SPAM BECAUSE I CARE. (also, puppies.)

[askerian]

So today my cousin's dog's puppies were eight weeks old, so we took them to the vet for health check + vaccination + cyborgization (i mean ID chipping.)

All eleven of them. Plus mom.

Basically we locked them all in the waiting room, took them out one by one, and took them back with pretty collars on, complete with ID medals. Which they immediately tried to eat off each other. And me and a friend of my cousin sat with them in the waiting room and played "oh fuck put that plant up on something before they shred all the leaves!! crap, there's a magazine underneath the wet, dirty pot! but if i move it elsehwere the puppies will -- NO YOU PUT DOWN THAT KIDDIE TOY oh hell. Well, anyone who takes their kid to the vet probably has an animal of their own who has slobbered on the kid before. Yeah."

I went on a couple of examinations/needle things and the puppies were apparently all really chill about it, no whining or struggling, just kinda "... hey, what are you doing e_ê" looks when injecting the chip. They were such GOOD puppies.

Mostly.

Except for that one single thing.

askerian: oh god puppies everywhere
sarolynne: PUPPIES
askerian: puppy turds =_________=
askerian: kinda runny
askerian: everywhere
sarolynne: XD;
askerian: MOCK MY PAIN
sarolynne: That's normal when they're that young.
askerian: oh god why so stinky
askerian: also also ALSO
askerian: puppy: 25 cm long.
askerian: turd: 10 cm long
sarolynne: XDDDDDDD
askerian: WHERE DOES HE FIND THE SPACE TO PUT IT
sarolynne: Intestines.
askerian: >_>
askerian: seriously. the puppy is 6 kgs. the turd is 500 grams. that's one twelfth its weight. it's like me crapping a puppy!

* sizes, weights, and math are all super mega rough estimates and only matter for comparison purposes. I am ded of puppy fumes. do not ask me. (okay, no, it's like me crapping, uh, 5/8ths a puppy. let's say. idk. but yeah, i'm really overweight either way. for now. I WILL CONQUER YOU, HUGE TUMMY. the boobs can stay.)

joisbishmyoga: why are you measuring poo?
askerian: i'm not! it's just kinda shocking to see a small puppy crap something that's half its own length
askerian: it's like ... "is that a magician trick? is that a trick puppy? double bottom? where are the doves?"

Comments

[artimusdin.livejournal.com]

Only you could make puppy poo so amusing.

[armina-skitty.livejournal.com]

I feel your pain. No really, I do. I am my parent's personal house elf, which means taking critters to vet. 6 cat + 3 dogs(one of whom is a professional whiner) + open shot clinic (means paying only the price of the shot, not the visit, which means FULL waiting room) = me passing out for the rest of the day from the sheer mental trauma.

I've never encountered Magical Puppy Poos, however. That is.. uh... yeee-aaah..... >.

[kaigou.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. I do not at all miss that part of puppies. Cute, adorable... stinky little critters. Next, they'll be eating everything! Including your ankles.

Our dog had puppies when I was in HS. Nine puppies. The only plus was that the puppies were all born in June, so we only had about four weeks of indoor puppy madness before we were able to put them all in the backyard with Mom-dog, so they could do their puppy madness outside and not all over the laundry room floor. Nothing more adorable than an entire pile of nine 12wk old puppies in a puppy pile (all in shades of black and white) in the bare dirt under the holly bush. Okay, add in the dirt, and it was really more like black-and-brown puppies, because dirt is also fun to eat. Right up there with holly branches, ankles, and just about anything else that would fit in their mouths. And they never, ever shut up. The noise, I remember it still...

TL;DR, eleven puppies, cripes, you a far braver puppy-wrangler than me.

[therhoda.livejournal.com]

what no pictures?

[mikkeneko.livejournal.com]

Kittens have the "hammerspace turd" ability too. I remember fostering a stray kitten at some point -- she was maybe five, six weeks old -- and when she finally got comfortable enough to use the litterbox in the bathroom we put her in, she laid a turd as long as she was. O.O

[dreams-of-all.livejournal.com]

I volunteer/work at an animal shelter, and it never fails to baffle me where puppies keep it all. Also, when the amount they eat is compared to the amount they poop, and then they're still growing? I mean, there's no way it all makes sense. PUPPIES BREAK PHYSICS.

(And tend to have this terrible ability to pick the absolute worst time to make a huge mess and then roll in it. Argh.)

[skellywag.livejournal.com]

You had me roflmao-ing all over the place, but when I got to "where are the doves?" I was well and truly slain. ♥

[suzu.livejournal.com]

[info]joisbishmyoga: why are you measuring poo?
[info]askerian: i'm not! it's just kinda shocking to see a small puppy crap something that's half its own length
[info]askerian: it's like ... "is that a magician trick? is that a trick puppy? double bottom? where are the doves?"

This has got to be one of the best things I've ever read.

[uneko.livejournal.com]

PUPPIES~! XD reminds me of wrangling kittens. XD

(I missed your "silly" posts like this. they're always so much fun to read, even if they're about nothing ♥ )

[lordryous.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who breeds Rotties and their first litter was a few months ago, I couldnt even walk into their house without wanting to vomit due to the smell of piss and shit, I totally feel your pain, lol, but even with all the little puppy turds everywhere, you gotta admit, puppies are fucking cute ^^

[kraziekatlord.livejournal.com]

*looks at your bit with Jo, facepalms some* Please don't tell me a puppy is white, or I'll fear Kid died and was reborn as a puppy.

[shewhoflies.livejournal.com]

XD

When we got our dog, she was already a fair bit bigger. Still made a mess sometimes though.