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Teamwork 3 chapter 9 : Aftermath part 3, rough draft complete
This is one chapter that is going to need MASSIVE poking and prodding, so that I can make sure everything makes sense, the emotional rollercoaster has an effect (and not the "where the fuck did that come from" or "i can't visualize that" type) and no sub-relationship overshadows the other two. But I can't take a step back and do that right now, and I've been having such a hard time with this scene that I want to post it NOW NOW NOW so I can feel that, that's it, it's written (at least the bulk of it! tweaking doesn't count) and I can relax and take if off my OH MY GOD ASUKA YOU HAVENT DONE THAT YET YOU HORRIBLE PERSON YOU list. Also known as to-do.
... Um. Yes.
So. Rough draft. Yeah. I'll likely edit this post if anyone offers crit or I notice horrible stuff myself later on, but if you want the polished, edited, fixeded version, better if you wait for when I put it on FFnet. Shouldn't be too long now -- aaaand I just jinxed myself, didn't I. DX
Chapter 9 Part 1 (Naruto). Part 2 (Sasuke).
On the way to Naruto's hospital room they saw the kunoichi, the one who summoned wolves, and Sakura thought, 'she's faster than me but she'll be expecting posturing and glaring first,' and started calculating angles to box her in. She could see it unfolding in her head, keep walking like she didn't care and at the last second when they passed each other she would slip her hand free from Sasuke's and lash out, just one strike. She could break boulders. A ribcage should be fine.
Zenko didn't say a thing, barely looked at them, just one quick glance and then nothing. They crossed paths and kept going, ignoring each other.
Sakura still wanted to double back and strike. From the front, from behind -- whatever.
Kon blamed Naruto for his teammate, but she blamed them for Naruto, and when it came down to it she didn't care about how unfair that blaming game was, how unbalanced the losses were, it was sad and it sucked that Maneki had died and she would kill them if they came near Naruto again, if they tried to make it one inch worse for him.
She couldn't stand -- Naruto, broken, she couldn't stand that.
Sasuke's fingers were clenched tight in between hers. She wondered if he could tell what she'd just planned -- if maybe he'd been about to hold her back. The flash of resentment surprised her a little bit, and then on second thought didn't.
She was furious at the world for hurting Naruto, but underneath that she was also furious at Sasuke. When she let herself she could still feel his body shuddering on hers as a blade stabbed through.
But she couldn't be angry at Sasuke for protecting (the baby) her, so she was trying to push it out of her mind. Otherwise she would punch him in the face and yell, 'what were you thinking, how could you do that to me'. She knew she'd have nightmares where he died right on top of her, trapping her powerless, suffocating her under the weight of his corpse.
Sasuke's hand in hers, not letting go. It would have made her giddy just two days ago.
She loved Sasuke same as always -- she wouldn't have gone half-crazy with hate for Itachi and fear for him if she didn't -- but now he was injury-free and if there hadn't been Naruto to worry about she wouldn't have wanted to see his face very much right at the moment.
She gave his hand a last squeeze and slipped her fingers free. They were coming up to their bedroom, and she could see Kakashi-sensei in the corridor, leaning against the wall that faced the door. A Konoha ANBU with short dark hair and a dog-like mask stood beside him, discussing she didn't know what. She'd be curious about it later, now all she cared about was that Kakashi wouldn't have been here if the debriefing wasn't over.
"He's inside?" Sasuke asked. He glanced at her. "I'll be along in a minute."
She nodded an acknowledgement and pushed the door open, a little puzzled. Whatever it was Sasuke wanted to tell them, maybe he wanted to tell Kakashi first...
Naruto was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring down at a change of clothes he'd probably been in the middle of packing. On second look it wasn't really a change of clothes, because he'd been shirtless during the whole battle; it was just underwear, a thigh holster, and freshly washed, knee-torn pants. She could still see scorch marks and faint bloodstains here and there.
She didn't know what to say to him. She knew what she wanted to say, but 'I'll kill anyone who puts that look on your face' would be the opposite of helpful, especially with how much she meant it right now.
"Hey, Sakura-chan."
He met her eyes, gave her a tired half-smile, and just like that, her anger flagged.
"Hey," she replied quietly.
She walked around the bed, took the pants from him. "I don't think they can still be rescued, you know. Did you empty the pockets?" She draped them over her cast and checked quickly, feeling through the cloth. Nothing to fish out. And there was the wastebasket.
Now the bed had a free spot for her to sit on.
"You okay?"
She stared at him, and laughed a little, and it hurt in her throat. Why was he the one asking her that? How silly was it?
"... Sakura-chan?"
"I'm fine. How --" It was hard to ask that directly. Maybe because Naruto didn't like worrying her, or looking weak, and he didn't react well to her showing she had noticed. "How are you?"
He dredged up a smile. She could tell he was about to wave off her concern and try to pretend he was just fine, and she couldn't keep her expression from shifting to offended. Naruto stared at her for a second longer and broke eye contact, the smile turning even more awkward.
"Eh. Been better. ... Sorry."
She attempted to smile back. "Sorry for what, you big dummy?"
Naruto gave a self-deprecating shrug. "Making you worry."
"I'd rather be worried than lied to."
She froze with the words barely out of her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that, hadn't meant to snap it almost, and now he stared at her with shocked blue eyes, and the wrong fox-pupils didn't divert from the hurt in them.
"--no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just... Naruto, I notice when you're not alright. Okay? And -- and I always want to help, but I can't help if you won't let me." Quietly, she added, "And that hurts a bit."
"Aw, shit." Naruto rubbed a hand over his face, his eyes.
Sakura bit her lip and looked down at her hands, tangled together on her lap. Like Naruto didn't feel bad enough, she had to bring that up.
"To be fair, Sakura, you do the same thing," Sasuke said as he pushed the door closed behind him.
Startled, she jumped, stared at him. She hadn't noticed him come in.
"I guess we don't talk much," Sasuke concluded in a quiet, thoughtful voice.
Sakura didn't expect Naruto to snort out a laugh, though it wasn't a happy one, more like ironic.
"S' funny coming from you. You don't talk at all."
"I don't smile and pretend it's all peachy either."
Naruto paused. "Yeah, that you really don't."
It didn't have much of the bite it should have; it didn't end in a long tirade on how Sasuke was always pissy even when he was fine, and if they had to pretend, it was better to pretend to be happy than pretend to hate the world because he was scared a smile would split his face in two. Still, Sakura felt the grip over her guts unclench slightly. He'd tried to banter. He was getting better. (Or better at putting up a front. But wasn't it good that he was starting to care enough to try to hide? Wasn't it?)
The half-smile on Naruto's face fell as he looked back at Sakura. She tried not to flinch as she noticed his pupils again.
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. It's not like -- I just -- I hate it when you're worried, and if you can't do anything then I don't want to bring it up anyway. I'd rather you were happy."
She stared at him for a second, and then she extended her arm, bumped her fist against his chin like a very slow-motion sucker punch. She wanted to be angry at him. At any other time she might have been, because he just didn't get it. She might have tried to explain that she'd rather be sad with him than happy on her own, but she was sure Naruto would stare at her in utter bafflement, because in his stupidly self-sacrificial brain it likely wouldn't make sense. But when she saw him exhausted and hurt, trying to stuff it all down for their sake, she couldn't even really feel her own frustration.
"I really don't want to talk right now," Naruto said quietly.
A pause, as they all looked down at the floor. Sakura sneaked a glance at Sasuke. She was all out of ideas.
He took a step toward the beds, but before that he breathed in, deep, bracingly. She blinked. Sasuke's body language was usually subtle, but as she watched him from the corner of her eye, it was almost blatant, and not because she'd gotten used to read him. The tense shoulders, the slightly bowed head -- anyone could have told. He stepped between the beds and instead of joining them on Naruto's he sat on his, with the aisle between them, and that was pretty usual for him but...
She slipped Naruto a quick glance. He was frowning at Sasuke, puzzled.
"... I..."
Sasuke paused there, as if he couldn't find his words. Sakura turned in her seat so she would face him more, though the aisle was big enough that he was out of arm's reach.
"Sasuke-kun?"
"You don't have to talk," he said abruptly to Naruto. His hands were gripping the edge of the mattress. "It's more of an announcement. Not a discussion." A pause. A rasp, sudden, shockingly raw, "It's not up for discussion."
Naruto straightened up, dead serious.
"It's about Itachi, isn't it," he said, not even like a question.
Sasuke didn't answer, but then again he didn't need to.
She'd seen Itachi for longer than Sasuke had -- oh, a whole minute more! -- and he and his brother hadn't even talked -- or had they? She thought she remembered Itachi's voice, as Sasuke's body trapped her on the ground, but she'd heard it all garbled, deafened by terror. She'd expected Sasuke to hurt for a good long while afterwards, of course, the wound the massacre of his family had left opened again, but she hadn't really... it had barely been thirty seconds at most, that couldn't be enough for more than a reminder, a refresher course on why Itachi was evil and a monster and needed to die. Not enough for a brand-new trauma.
This, she could tell, this would be huge.
"You remember the day I told you he was my kill?"
Naruto flinched, a horrible grimace twisting his face with pain. "The day I ate that guy?" he said, voice shaking. Sakura flinched. "Yeah, weird enough I remember, fuck you!"
Sasuke shook his head no, cut him off with a hard gesture of his hand. "Shut up! It's not -- let me finish."
Bile rose in her throat at the memory of that day, maybe two, three years ago -- a genjutsu-type missing-nin, the mission supposedly B-rank on paper but so very much not in real life. He'd made Naruto believe they were all dead, and it had... done things to -- Naruto was exaggerating, he hadn't eaten the man -- just. Bitten. (A lot.) She tried to stuff the memory away, glared at Sasuke for bringing it up when the thing with Kyuubi was still so recent.
She could probably blame that day on Kyuubi as well. Back then her only choice had been to push it all on the genjutsu user and weird aftereffects and try to forget it, because she'd known it wasn't Naruto, just couldn't be.
Sasuke raked his hand through his hair, and then looked up, and Sakura's gut tightened painfully, her protective anger forgotten. Oh god, those eyes. Oh, hell.
"I changed my mind."
Naruto seemed struck as dumb as she was.
"--What?"
Sasuke's eyes. All that pain.
All that grief.
"I change my mind. He's -- I still want to kill him. It's still my duty. It's still my --"
"--Sasuke--"
"Shut up and listen, it's not a discussion. He's still my brother, but if you get the chance -- don't stop on my account."
She was off the bed now, standing before him with her hand clenched on his forearm. "Sasuke!"
He didn't even seem to notice her leaning in his space, or her tight hold on his arm. "I want to kill him, but we need him dead more. Do you get it? We need him dead, he needs to be dead, right now, he'll kill the baby, he'll kill you both and I can't -- I can't. Alright? So -- I don't care who kills him anymore, he just needs to be dead!"
Naruto caught his shoulder and yanked him up, shaking and growling as he pressed a hand to Sasuke's mouth. "Enough, that's enough, I get it. I will. Promise."
"He needs to be dead," Sasuke said, dislodging Naruto's hand with a quick shake of his head. "He needs to be dead more than I need to kill him."
Sakura hadn't cried earlier but she felt tears rise again and this time she didn't stop them.
"Oh," she whispered. "I'm sorry."
Sasuke let out a bark of crazy-edged laughter and she winced. "What the fuck for, isn't that what you wanted, isn't that what everyone wanted--"
"You still love him," she said.
Sasuke was silent for so long that she thought he wouldn't answer, that he couldn't answer -- that he would just pretend she hadn't said it. She wished she hadn't, but it was so horribly true.
"I don't know how to stop," he said, very quietly.
Naruto choked on something that couldn't decide between a growl and a wounded whimper and yanked him into a tight, almost brutal hug.
Tears rolled hot and wet down her face, soaking into the back of Sasuke's shirt. God but she was so tired of it all. Being attacked and hurt, and watching over children she wasn't good enough to heal, and fighting people she wasn't good enough to fight, and failing to protect, and having her life saved at the cost of someone else's, and Naruto breaking, and Sasuke breaking --
She couldn't break as well, she needed to be strong for them. She had to take up the slack for once and be the rock for them to lean on.
She failed. She cried and cried, and the guilt from setting them off only made it all worse. She could feel them both trembling, entangled as the three of them were. She could hear them gasping for air in between not-silent-enough sobs. It was horrible.
People would probably have wise things to say about crying it out -- that it was good for them, that they couldn't let it all fester, that they needed to air it out at some point, but those people didn't know a thing. It just felt like another failure, it wasn't a relief at all. It was just exhausting.
At some point they stopped, gradually, mostly because their bodies didn't want to keep going. They broke apart, almost by accident, as they sank to the floor and sat, Sasuke slumped against the side of his bed and Naruto in the corner. Sakura leaned her shoulder against the side of the other bed. From the corner of her eye she saw them gazing away, anywhere but toward each other. It looked like defeat.
"... Shit." Sasuke rubbed his palm across his face. "I didn't plan to make this into such a circus. A quick announcement..."
Naruto snorted halfheartedly. "Yeah, not happening."
The hospital beds were so high it made like a little hiding place between them. Standing she couldn't have reached from one mattress to the next with her arm, but three pairs of legs in there, that should have been another story. But both of her teammates had their legs drawn up, almost to their chest, so that no one accidentally touched.
"So." Sakura bowed her head for a second, looking for inspiration. All she saw was her cast, resting across her stomach. "We need a plan."
"For?"
She had no idea. She bit her lip. "... Things."
"Training," Sasuke said.
Naruto nodded vaguely.
Silence again.
"It's because of the baby, right?"
Sakura and Sasuke blinked at Naruto.
"You and Itachi. You and -- you and the baby."
Sakura opened her mouth to protest Naruto's words, but then she realized she couldn't. The baby made them stop being just a team, something Sasuke could dismiss. It made them a family. She clenched her fingers into a fist, out of Sasuke's line of sight.
He didn't say anything, for a second, two, ten.
"...I guess."
"Get married," Naruto said, staring ahead with grim stubbornness. "Soon. Before shit happens. 'Cause afterwards..."
Sakura bit her lip. The marriage -- oh, they'd planned it, had even mentioned it to her parents. But it had always seemed to belong to 'later', a nebulous and faraway time. Later, we'll marry, and there will be the baby, and it was like something a little out of time, out of danger. It wasn't. They weren't.
"What if," she whispered. "What if you're her father, Naruto?"
She saw them both flinch. "We've talked about that before!" Naruto retorted, meeting her eyes this time around. "It doesn't matter, okay? It's -- he or she -- she'll be ours anyway. We've talked about that."
"Not a lot."
"It was enough! We understood each other, right? Right, Sasuke?"
Sasuke was watching her, utterly unreadable. "Have you changed your mind?" he asked. His voice was as blank as his face.
"No," Sakura whispered. "I want to be your wife. But I want to be Naruto's wife too, and it's not fair to make you marry me when I could be having his child -- when you could -- when you could have your children with someone else."
She saw them both stiffen. Naruto's hand reached for hers, squeezed. She squeezed back, even though he was this close to giving her a second cast to balance out the first. He'd be a great husband.
"You want family, Sasuke. You want lots of them, and this one might not even be yours, and I want to train and fight with the both of you, this child might be an orphan by next year because I won't let the two of you fight alone -- who knows when there will be time to have more, and there's so many clans who would be glad to --"
"Shut up."
"--I don't want that, I don't want to see you marry anyone else but--"
"I don't want anyone else to be the mother of my children!"
Oh.
She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Naruto's thumb was rubbing her knuckles back and forth, back and forth.
"We'll -- I don't know." Sasuke raked his hand through his hair, waved it in a meaningless gesture, let it flop back down. "Teach you kagebunshin so you can have several pairs of twins at the same time. Clone them in a lab. I don't know. I don't care. Until Naruto somehow turns himself into a real, functional woman and lets me knock him up, you're it. Shut up."
"Oi!"
Naruto kicked out, his leg crossing the empty space between the two of them like they hadn't spent the last, oh, ten minutes, pretending it was the Great Suna Canyon. Sasuke kicked back. Kick, kick, push and kick, legs tangling together as they squabbled like children, like always, and she couldn't help but laugh. God help her but she wanted them both. Just like that, being competitive and ridiculous and completely absorbed in each other.
She turned her cracked arm outward, fingers uncurling toward Sasuke's side. He paused, looked at her. She waited, apologies in her eyes, hand offered.
Naruto wriggled his foot free from where Sasuke's knee pinned it and sneaked in a stealth kick, digging his toes in Sasuke's thigh. Sasuke turned back to him like a striking snake, eyes narrowed in challenge, and slipped his legs past Naruto's guard to pin both of Naruto's legs back down.
But even as he proved his mastery of techniques and holds on Naruto, he still reached back for her hand.
She didn't think she would ever be able to explain to any outsider how and why the sight of the both of them so absorbed in trying to outdo each other in utter stupid managed to put such a fond smile on her face.
They weren't right yet, playing it up for an audience of two, attempting to convince themselves along with each other and her, attempting not to notice all those things that still waited nearby, crowding them. Their mock-competition stopped too soon, not enough insults and offense. But at the same time...
At the same time, when they stopped fighting their legs were so entangled it would be a miracle if they could get up in time to defend from an attack. Sakura shifted her weight on her folded legs, her feet, so that she could, and she squeezed their hands.
"Okay, so. That plan?"
... Um. Yes.
So. Rough draft. Yeah. I'll likely edit this post if anyone offers crit or I notice horrible stuff myself later on, but if you want the polished, edited, fixeded version, better if you wait for when I put it on FFnet. Shouldn't be too long now -- aaaand I just jinxed myself, didn't I. DX
Chapter 9 Part 1 (Naruto). Part 2 (Sasuke).
On the way to Naruto's hospital room they saw the kunoichi, the one who summoned wolves, and Sakura thought, 'she's faster than me but she'll be expecting posturing and glaring first,' and started calculating angles to box her in. She could see it unfolding in her head, keep walking like she didn't care and at the last second when they passed each other she would slip her hand free from Sasuke's and lash out, just one strike. She could break boulders. A ribcage should be fine.
Zenko didn't say a thing, barely looked at them, just one quick glance and then nothing. They crossed paths and kept going, ignoring each other.
Sakura still wanted to double back and strike. From the front, from behind -- whatever.
Kon blamed Naruto for his teammate, but she blamed them for Naruto, and when it came down to it she didn't care about how unfair that blaming game was, how unbalanced the losses were, it was sad and it sucked that Maneki had died and she would kill them if they came near Naruto again, if they tried to make it one inch worse for him.
She couldn't stand -- Naruto, broken, she couldn't stand that.
Sasuke's fingers were clenched tight in between hers. She wondered if he could tell what she'd just planned -- if maybe he'd been about to hold her back. The flash of resentment surprised her a little bit, and then on second thought didn't.
She was furious at the world for hurting Naruto, but underneath that she was also furious at Sasuke. When she let herself she could still feel his body shuddering on hers as a blade stabbed through.
But she couldn't be angry at Sasuke for protecting (the baby) her, so she was trying to push it out of her mind. Otherwise she would punch him in the face and yell, 'what were you thinking, how could you do that to me'. She knew she'd have nightmares where he died right on top of her, trapping her powerless, suffocating her under the weight of his corpse.
Sasuke's hand in hers, not letting go. It would have made her giddy just two days ago.
She loved Sasuke same as always -- she wouldn't have gone half-crazy with hate for Itachi and fear for him if she didn't -- but now he was injury-free and if there hadn't been Naruto to worry about she wouldn't have wanted to see his face very much right at the moment.
She gave his hand a last squeeze and slipped her fingers free. They were coming up to their bedroom, and she could see Kakashi-sensei in the corridor, leaning against the wall that faced the door. A Konoha ANBU with short dark hair and a dog-like mask stood beside him, discussing she didn't know what. She'd be curious about it later, now all she cared about was that Kakashi wouldn't have been here if the debriefing wasn't over.
"He's inside?" Sasuke asked. He glanced at her. "I'll be along in a minute."
She nodded an acknowledgement and pushed the door open, a little puzzled. Whatever it was Sasuke wanted to tell them, maybe he wanted to tell Kakashi first...
Naruto was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring down at a change of clothes he'd probably been in the middle of packing. On second look it wasn't really a change of clothes, because he'd been shirtless during the whole battle; it was just underwear, a thigh holster, and freshly washed, knee-torn pants. She could still see scorch marks and faint bloodstains here and there.
She didn't know what to say to him. She knew what she wanted to say, but 'I'll kill anyone who puts that look on your face' would be the opposite of helpful, especially with how much she meant it right now.
"Hey, Sakura-chan."
He met her eyes, gave her a tired half-smile, and just like that, her anger flagged.
"Hey," she replied quietly.
She walked around the bed, took the pants from him. "I don't think they can still be rescued, you know. Did you empty the pockets?" She draped them over her cast and checked quickly, feeling through the cloth. Nothing to fish out. And there was the wastebasket.
Now the bed had a free spot for her to sit on.
"You okay?"
She stared at him, and laughed a little, and it hurt in her throat. Why was he the one asking her that? How silly was it?
"... Sakura-chan?"
"I'm fine. How --" It was hard to ask that directly. Maybe because Naruto didn't like worrying her, or looking weak, and he didn't react well to her showing she had noticed. "How are you?"
He dredged up a smile. She could tell he was about to wave off her concern and try to pretend he was just fine, and she couldn't keep her expression from shifting to offended. Naruto stared at her for a second longer and broke eye contact, the smile turning even more awkward.
"Eh. Been better. ... Sorry."
She attempted to smile back. "Sorry for what, you big dummy?"
Naruto gave a self-deprecating shrug. "Making you worry."
"I'd rather be worried than lied to."
She froze with the words barely out of her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that, hadn't meant to snap it almost, and now he stared at her with shocked blue eyes, and the wrong fox-pupils didn't divert from the hurt in them.
"--no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just... Naruto, I notice when you're not alright. Okay? And -- and I always want to help, but I can't help if you won't let me." Quietly, she added, "And that hurts a bit."
"Aw, shit." Naruto rubbed a hand over his face, his eyes.
Sakura bit her lip and looked down at her hands, tangled together on her lap. Like Naruto didn't feel bad enough, she had to bring that up.
"To be fair, Sakura, you do the same thing," Sasuke said as he pushed the door closed behind him.
Startled, she jumped, stared at him. She hadn't noticed him come in.
"I guess we don't talk much," Sasuke concluded in a quiet, thoughtful voice.
Sakura didn't expect Naruto to snort out a laugh, though it wasn't a happy one, more like ironic.
"S' funny coming from you. You don't talk at all."
"I don't smile and pretend it's all peachy either."
Naruto paused. "Yeah, that you really don't."
It didn't have much of the bite it should have; it didn't end in a long tirade on how Sasuke was always pissy even when he was fine, and if they had to pretend, it was better to pretend to be happy than pretend to hate the world because he was scared a smile would split his face in two. Still, Sakura felt the grip over her guts unclench slightly. He'd tried to banter. He was getting better. (Or better at putting up a front. But wasn't it good that he was starting to care enough to try to hide? Wasn't it?)
The half-smile on Naruto's face fell as he looked back at Sakura. She tried not to flinch as she noticed his pupils again.
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan. It's not like -- I just -- I hate it when you're worried, and if you can't do anything then I don't want to bring it up anyway. I'd rather you were happy."
She stared at him for a second, and then she extended her arm, bumped her fist against his chin like a very slow-motion sucker punch. She wanted to be angry at him. At any other time she might have been, because he just didn't get it. She might have tried to explain that she'd rather be sad with him than happy on her own, but she was sure Naruto would stare at her in utter bafflement, because in his stupidly self-sacrificial brain it likely wouldn't make sense. But when she saw him exhausted and hurt, trying to stuff it all down for their sake, she couldn't even really feel her own frustration.
"I really don't want to talk right now," Naruto said quietly.
A pause, as they all looked down at the floor. Sakura sneaked a glance at Sasuke. She was all out of ideas.
He took a step toward the beds, but before that he breathed in, deep, bracingly. She blinked. Sasuke's body language was usually subtle, but as she watched him from the corner of her eye, it was almost blatant, and not because she'd gotten used to read him. The tense shoulders, the slightly bowed head -- anyone could have told. He stepped between the beds and instead of joining them on Naruto's he sat on his, with the aisle between them, and that was pretty usual for him but...
She slipped Naruto a quick glance. He was frowning at Sasuke, puzzled.
"... I..."
Sasuke paused there, as if he couldn't find his words. Sakura turned in her seat so she would face him more, though the aisle was big enough that he was out of arm's reach.
"Sasuke-kun?"
"You don't have to talk," he said abruptly to Naruto. His hands were gripping the edge of the mattress. "It's more of an announcement. Not a discussion." A pause. A rasp, sudden, shockingly raw, "It's not up for discussion."
Naruto straightened up, dead serious.
"It's about Itachi, isn't it," he said, not even like a question.
Sasuke didn't answer, but then again he didn't need to.
She'd seen Itachi for longer than Sasuke had -- oh, a whole minute more! -- and he and his brother hadn't even talked -- or had they? She thought she remembered Itachi's voice, as Sasuke's body trapped her on the ground, but she'd heard it all garbled, deafened by terror. She'd expected Sasuke to hurt for a good long while afterwards, of course, the wound the massacre of his family had left opened again, but she hadn't really... it had barely been thirty seconds at most, that couldn't be enough for more than a reminder, a refresher course on why Itachi was evil and a monster and needed to die. Not enough for a brand-new trauma.
This, she could tell, this would be huge.
"You remember the day I told you he was my kill?"
Naruto flinched, a horrible grimace twisting his face with pain. "The day I ate that guy?" he said, voice shaking. Sakura flinched. "Yeah, weird enough I remember, fuck you!"
Sasuke shook his head no, cut him off with a hard gesture of his hand. "Shut up! It's not -- let me finish."
Bile rose in her throat at the memory of that day, maybe two, three years ago -- a genjutsu-type missing-nin, the mission supposedly B-rank on paper but so very much not in real life. He'd made Naruto believe they were all dead, and it had... done things to -- Naruto was exaggerating, he hadn't eaten the man -- just. Bitten. (A lot.) She tried to stuff the memory away, glared at Sasuke for bringing it up when the thing with Kyuubi was still so recent.
She could probably blame that day on Kyuubi as well. Back then her only choice had been to push it all on the genjutsu user and weird aftereffects and try to forget it, because she'd known it wasn't Naruto, just couldn't be.
Sasuke raked his hand through his hair, and then looked up, and Sakura's gut tightened painfully, her protective anger forgotten. Oh god, those eyes. Oh, hell.
"I changed my mind."
Naruto seemed struck as dumb as she was.
"--What?"
Sasuke's eyes. All that pain.
All that grief.
"I change my mind. He's -- I still want to kill him. It's still my duty. It's still my --"
"--Sasuke--"
"Shut up and listen, it's not a discussion. He's still my brother, but if you get the chance -- don't stop on my account."
She was off the bed now, standing before him with her hand clenched on his forearm. "Sasuke!"
He didn't even seem to notice her leaning in his space, or her tight hold on his arm. "I want to kill him, but we need him dead more. Do you get it? We need him dead, he needs to be dead, right now, he'll kill the baby, he'll kill you both and I can't -- I can't. Alright? So -- I don't care who kills him anymore, he just needs to be dead!"
Naruto caught his shoulder and yanked him up, shaking and growling as he pressed a hand to Sasuke's mouth. "Enough, that's enough, I get it. I will. Promise."
"He needs to be dead," Sasuke said, dislodging Naruto's hand with a quick shake of his head. "He needs to be dead more than I need to kill him."
Sakura hadn't cried earlier but she felt tears rise again and this time she didn't stop them.
"Oh," she whispered. "I'm sorry."
Sasuke let out a bark of crazy-edged laughter and she winced. "What the fuck for, isn't that what you wanted, isn't that what everyone wanted--"
"You still love him," she said.
Sasuke was silent for so long that she thought he wouldn't answer, that he couldn't answer -- that he would just pretend she hadn't said it. She wished she hadn't, but it was so horribly true.
"I don't know how to stop," he said, very quietly.
Naruto choked on something that couldn't decide between a growl and a wounded whimper and yanked him into a tight, almost brutal hug.
Tears rolled hot and wet down her face, soaking into the back of Sasuke's shirt. God but she was so tired of it all. Being attacked and hurt, and watching over children she wasn't good enough to heal, and fighting people she wasn't good enough to fight, and failing to protect, and having her life saved at the cost of someone else's, and Naruto breaking, and Sasuke breaking --
She couldn't break as well, she needed to be strong for them. She had to take up the slack for once and be the rock for them to lean on.
She failed. She cried and cried, and the guilt from setting them off only made it all worse. She could feel them both trembling, entangled as the three of them were. She could hear them gasping for air in between not-silent-enough sobs. It was horrible.
People would probably have wise things to say about crying it out -- that it was good for them, that they couldn't let it all fester, that they needed to air it out at some point, but those people didn't know a thing. It just felt like another failure, it wasn't a relief at all. It was just exhausting.
At some point they stopped, gradually, mostly because their bodies didn't want to keep going. They broke apart, almost by accident, as they sank to the floor and sat, Sasuke slumped against the side of his bed and Naruto in the corner. Sakura leaned her shoulder against the side of the other bed. From the corner of her eye she saw them gazing away, anywhere but toward each other. It looked like defeat.
"... Shit." Sasuke rubbed his palm across his face. "I didn't plan to make this into such a circus. A quick announcement..."
Naruto snorted halfheartedly. "Yeah, not happening."
The hospital beds were so high it made like a little hiding place between them. Standing she couldn't have reached from one mattress to the next with her arm, but three pairs of legs in there, that should have been another story. But both of her teammates had their legs drawn up, almost to their chest, so that no one accidentally touched.
"So." Sakura bowed her head for a second, looking for inspiration. All she saw was her cast, resting across her stomach. "We need a plan."
"For?"
She had no idea. She bit her lip. "... Things."
"Training," Sasuke said.
Naruto nodded vaguely.
Silence again.
"It's because of the baby, right?"
Sakura and Sasuke blinked at Naruto.
"You and Itachi. You and -- you and the baby."
Sakura opened her mouth to protest Naruto's words, but then she realized she couldn't. The baby made them stop being just a team, something Sasuke could dismiss. It made them a family. She clenched her fingers into a fist, out of Sasuke's line of sight.
He didn't say anything, for a second, two, ten.
"...I guess."
"Get married," Naruto said, staring ahead with grim stubbornness. "Soon. Before shit happens. 'Cause afterwards..."
Sakura bit her lip. The marriage -- oh, they'd planned it, had even mentioned it to her parents. But it had always seemed to belong to 'later', a nebulous and faraway time. Later, we'll marry, and there will be the baby, and it was like something a little out of time, out of danger. It wasn't. They weren't.
"What if," she whispered. "What if you're her father, Naruto?"
She saw them both flinch. "We've talked about that before!" Naruto retorted, meeting her eyes this time around. "It doesn't matter, okay? It's -- he or she -- she'll be ours anyway. We've talked about that."
"Not a lot."
"It was enough! We understood each other, right? Right, Sasuke?"
Sasuke was watching her, utterly unreadable. "Have you changed your mind?" he asked. His voice was as blank as his face.
"No," Sakura whispered. "I want to be your wife. But I want to be Naruto's wife too, and it's not fair to make you marry me when I could be having his child -- when you could -- when you could have your children with someone else."
She saw them both stiffen. Naruto's hand reached for hers, squeezed. She squeezed back, even though he was this close to giving her a second cast to balance out the first. He'd be a great husband.
"You want family, Sasuke. You want lots of them, and this one might not even be yours, and I want to train and fight with the both of you, this child might be an orphan by next year because I won't let the two of you fight alone -- who knows when there will be time to have more, and there's so many clans who would be glad to --"
"Shut up."
"--I don't want that, I don't want to see you marry anyone else but--"
"I don't want anyone else to be the mother of my children!"
Oh.
She bit her lip to keep it from trembling. Naruto's thumb was rubbing her knuckles back and forth, back and forth.
"We'll -- I don't know." Sasuke raked his hand through his hair, waved it in a meaningless gesture, let it flop back down. "Teach you kagebunshin so you can have several pairs of twins at the same time. Clone them in a lab. I don't know. I don't care. Until Naruto somehow turns himself into a real, functional woman and lets me knock him up, you're it. Shut up."
"Oi!"
Naruto kicked out, his leg crossing the empty space between the two of them like they hadn't spent the last, oh, ten minutes, pretending it was the Great Suna Canyon. Sasuke kicked back. Kick, kick, push and kick, legs tangling together as they squabbled like children, like always, and she couldn't help but laugh. God help her but she wanted them both. Just like that, being competitive and ridiculous and completely absorbed in each other.
She turned her cracked arm outward, fingers uncurling toward Sasuke's side. He paused, looked at her. She waited, apologies in her eyes, hand offered.
Naruto wriggled his foot free from where Sasuke's knee pinned it and sneaked in a stealth kick, digging his toes in Sasuke's thigh. Sasuke turned back to him like a striking snake, eyes narrowed in challenge, and slipped his legs past Naruto's guard to pin both of Naruto's legs back down.
But even as he proved his mastery of techniques and holds on Naruto, he still reached back for her hand.
She didn't think she would ever be able to explain to any outsider how and why the sight of the both of them so absorbed in trying to outdo each other in utter stupid managed to put such a fond smile on her face.
They weren't right yet, playing it up for an audience of two, attempting to convince themselves along with each other and her, attempting not to notice all those things that still waited nearby, crowding them. Their mock-competition stopped too soon, not enough insults and offense. But at the same time...
At the same time, when they stopped fighting their legs were so entangled it would be a miracle if they could get up in time to defend from an attack. Sakura shifted her weight on her folded legs, her feet, so that she could, and she squeezed their hands.
"Okay, so. That plan?"
Re: Thank you!
The chapter is complete, actually! And, um, very good point with the Kakashi POV stuff. *cough* i've got an interlude coming up (already all written and shiny, I'm just gonna wait a bit before posting it because i'm evil like that) but it's Ino POV. But yes, the Kakashi cameo here begs the question of wtf he was doing. Hmm. (i mean, i know, but i'm not sure how to show it. XD;; )
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Also this line-> "I don't want anyone else to be the mother of my children!" really shows Sasuke's character, and is just pretty IC to me.
"Get married," Naruto said, staring ahead with grim stubbornness. "Soon. Before shit happens. 'Cause afterwards..."
I do realise that Naruto is staring at Sasuke, but the words 'staring ahead' makes me think of some blank stare in the distance, the kind that doesn't meet anyone's eyes. A suggestion is "staring at him with grim stubborness"?
Also, unimportant, because either one of them who says it would still be alright, but I cant' tell who the last line of dialogue belongs to.
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"...Until Naruto somehow turns himself into a real, functional woman and lets me knock him up, you're it. Shut up." Funniest. Line. Ever. Kinda makes me feel bad for Sakura though. He's kinda implying that she's second best and I'm left trying to decide just how he says the line. Is he being brusque and brushing her worries off, or is he just tired and spewing any idea that makes sense to his poor muddled brain? My vote's on tired and not making much sense to anyone else but him, except for the fact everyone knows there's only one thing Sasuke cares about more than Naruto ... and he just gave that up. So what else is left? Just his team.
Anyway. I would say that Naruto feels a bit too ... faded. but given recent events I would also have to say it fits. I do find it a bit odd that Sakura doesn't say anything about the ... quality of Sasuke's silence since she's always so attuned to him, even when she worries about Naruto, Sasuke is there in the back of her mind, like her magnetic North.
I'll stop nitpicking now. As always, loved it. You're such an awesome writer.
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I think maybe Sasuke was always aware of it but he really REALLY didn't want to acknowledge it so he just shut it away in the "don't think about it" box. Woe.
Ahh, I didn't mean that line like that at ALL, thank you for pointing out the other meaning. I meant it more like "unless Naruto wants to pitch in and be a second mom for the uchiha brood, you're the only one who's having my kids". I'll try to find a way to fix it. ~__~;
Also thank you on Sakura's lack of Sasuke-interpreting, I read it over and you're totally right.
I think naruto is gonna be "faded" (ooo pretty way to say it) over accidentally hurting a kid that badly and almost raping sakura for a little while longer. I did pile up a lot of shitty things on them in a very short time. >D *indulges in quick fiendish cackle* But it won't last much longer! Rejoice!
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Possible rewording on Sasuke's line: "...Unless Naruto wants to turn himself into a real, functional woman and let me knock him up, you're the only girl who's ever having my kids. Shut up." With some emphasis on ever. Still not so sure of the last line. Maybe a bit too harsh coming after a line like the previous one? Although it does give Naruto the excuse he needs to initiate the kick-fight. Maybe say "That's enough" before he says shut up? IDK. And I would suggest Sasuke reaching for her hand while he says it. Or some sort of action that would say "I'm utterly serious about this", like punching the mattress between them.
A few questions I have: Sasuke is generally pretty observant when it comes to other people's behaviour (even if he is clueless about his own), so why wouldn't he realize just how important it is to Sakura that they find a way to make it all work? Is he just too close to the problem?
It would also be interesting to see this entire conversation from Naruto's POV, since he doesn't have much to say through most of it. I would like to see what's running through is head. It seems almost as if he's running on instinct and emotion alone at this point. Which isn't good as far as his situation with Kyuubi is concerned. All of his actions give the reader this feel of "I'm really screwed up right now, but you guys need a rock to lean on more than I need to mope, so go ahead and lean, I'm here. I'm always here, no matter what happens to me." Over all the feel is good, and definitely says "I love you more than anything, even my own mental stability". For Naruto, that can be dangerous.
OH. Yeah. One more thing. While they're discussing the situation with Itachi, Sasuke is sitting on his hospital bed. These are high enough (you mentioned this yourself) that it's almost impossible to yank someone UP off of them, which is the action you gave to Naruto when he wanted Sasuke to stop talking. So, at what point did Sasuke leave the bed? Did he leave the bed? That being asked, where would Naruto have yanked him up from? You could change either action, although it would be easier to change Naruto's to just covering Sasuke's mouth, even if that doesn't quite give the same harsh and demanding feel of yanking Sasuke up. Maybe grabbing the back of Sasuke's head while covering his mouth would work instead.
Hope this has been helpful, and that you don't feel I'm being to picky.
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"Unless Naruto somehow turns himself into a real, functional woman and lets me knock him up, you're it. Shut up."
It could still be taken as Sasuke preferring Naruto but it has a lot more wiggle room since it doesn't imply that if Naruto did figure out how to get pregnant that Sasuke would no longer have children with Sakura.
"Unless Naruto somehow turns himself into a real, functional woman and lets me knock him up, you're going to have them all. Shut up."
That might work? It explicitly states that even if Naruto did get knocked up he'd still want Sakura to have his kids too.
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and his feelings are thrown off enoughthat he'll be upset since he'll realised what he said only after he said it.Also I forgot to add:
"I don't know how to stop," he said, very quietly.
I see this as more 'brokenly' then 'quietly'. >.<
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Loved Sakura's POV- knowing so much about her teammates but still managing to misunderstand with her inferiority complex being what it is.
Sasuke was wonderful too- his lasting love for Itachi over powered by his loyalty to his new family was beautiful and almost heart breaking. The fact that both Naruto and Sakura knew exactly what Sasuke really meant when he changed his mind shows how close they are with more than words.
Not being utterly lovey-dovey: creating distance on the bed, trying to avoid discussion and tip-toeing round their emotions illustrated perfectly how new their relationship still is in some ways. I also loved the sense of bonding they had exactly for these reasons when those barriers were broken down- Sasuke and Naruto fighting, crying on one another's shoulders and finally saying what they meant made the end result that much sweeter.
*Throws roses* Oncore?
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Next part coming, oh, by next week? Unless my computer implodes. Oh god. *goes to save files and burn CDs and stuff*
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(Anonymous) 2010-06-29 12:23 am (UTC)(link)The turn-around towards the end from angst to funny worked for me, perhaps even moreso because it was Sasuke that managed the conversational 180.
-- Guile
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Hrrm, yes, but now I'm noticing it makes it too light-hearted for where i'm starting from in the interlude, so I might have to edit a bit. Damn. ~__~
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(oh god azula. nutella what? i must know the history of that icon. there's GOT to be one.)
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ooh your icon. T^T I love that artist so much. SOOO MUCH.
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(Anonymous) 2010-06-29 04:12 am (UTC)(link)I am still reading, but there's one thing that bothered me and I want to get it down before I forget. It's a little thing, but-- when did Sakura get on first-name basis with team summons? (In her interior monologue, at least. I mean, Sasuke obviously knows their names cause he had some interaction with them, and I wouldn't be surprised if Naruto learned their names just to beat himself up more about them, but I don't know when Sakura got the chance to be introduced? Did it happen off screen, or am I just forgetting something. -_- I'm sleepy, that's probably why. It just seemed a little out of place for Sakura to start calling them by first names (especially when she hates them right now).
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Also, more letters to type. u.u;
I don't know, they don't have family names so it's not like she can use them to keep emotional distance (people from the naruto world seem to have no problem using their first names with just about everyone they meet, actually, it's rather strange from a japanese POV. then again, konoha is not japan... I digress.) and she needs to call them *something.* It's not a great way to do it but I'm not sure there's really a best, less confusing way. *ponders* I'll try to read over and see what I can tweak, thank you for the comment.
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Sakura's the medic while Sasuke's the supposed tactical planner type, but in this series she wants to learn more politics and stuff and basically improve herself so that she can help protect the boys mentally as well right? I remember reading a conversation with her and Tsunade a few chapters back...?
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Mhhmmmm, a yummy bit of Teamwork for the morning IS one of the true pleasure of life.
It was good, Sakura's rage, and Sasuke's anouncement, and how they cling to each other, each trying to be the rock for them. And the description of the crying, and OMG SAKURA I LOVE YOU <3 <3 <3
(please tell me you still have that idea of painting Sakura all white for the wedding <3)
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i'm glad you liked the crying thing because man was it hard to write. I wasn't sure it would work. still kinda not, actually. x__x;;;
(... i don't remember ? XD; forgetful asuka is forgetful. way too many ideas for the marriage!)
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--"I don't know how to stop"
Then there was the man hugging and Sakura started it and I went, "Hey, that's a good idea, let's cry," and obviously everyone agreed with me.
That whole conversation, the decision and the growth of character involved, it's good stuff. Painful, but good.
Also-
--"We'll -- I don't know." Sasuke raked his hand through his hair, waved it in a meaningless gesture, let it flop back down. "Teach you kagebunshin so you can have several pairs of twins at the same time. Clone them in a lab. I don't know. I don't care. Until Naruto somehow turns himself into a real, functional woman and lets me knock him up, you're it. Shut up."
Awww, it's love! ♥
Pffthahaha, socute, the kicking. Love it. Love when they're just boys with killer moves, not killers-for-hire who should still be boys. And Sakura all ready to protect them so they can have unguarded moments is really beautiful, I love her for that moment.
Thank you darlin'.
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... sorry. XD *petpets* *massive lovesquish*
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Also, even if I was relieved that they managed to overcome the angst in the end, I still enjoyed the part. Sakura willing to go down with Naruto, and him Just Not Getting it. Love how it came out, "she'd rather be sad with him than happy on her own", she needs to tell him one of these days^.^b
As usual, I have a small question: How does Sakura draw the conclusion of 'you still love him' when all Sasuke said was 'you can kill him too'? I failed to see the connection so it confused me a bit.
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The only ways I used to see the revenge going back in the days were
-sasuke gets his revenge on evil itachi => sasuke is forever locked into evil and darkness and even if itachi is dead at the end, Itachi has won anyway.
-Sasuke decides that other things are more important (he may still get to kill itachi, but if he does, not for revenge but instead to, for example, save Naruto's life) => sasuke is redeemed / healed from his "revenge is everything" mindset!
Then of course Teamwork swallowed that bunny and pointed out that the one thing guaranteed to outweight his dead family in Sasuke's mind was a brand new one. XD
(Now of course there's
sasuke kills evil itachi => itachi was not actually evil => sasuke is broken with remorse and "oh god he didn't betray me, *I* betrayed him"
which is way angstier than my first fave idea, but not as "forever stamped evil!" than the worst case scenario so far. So. XD; )
Sakura knows Sasuke very well. Also, feminine intuition. XD I dunno, I see it clearly in my mind, how his face looks at that moment in time, how it hurts him to have to let go of that revenge and, I dunno, subtle cues, and then to Sakura it goes *--tilt.* Will take a look to see if i can hint more.
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I hate the fact that I can't review worth anything...
It's good?
And about the Sasuke being taken the wrong way by Sakura... well isn't it kinda in character for him to mean one thing and say seomthing that Sakura will take entirely the wrong way? If she's paying attention that is.
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Hm, yes, it's IC but it also means i need to rewrite and add some Sakura misunderstanding it, and I'm way too lazy. XD;;
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First things first - I love the way you write. All the feeling, subtle little things most wouldn't bother with and the way you won't let them slip too far from canon despite this being very AU in a way. They make this more than 'just text', somehow.
Um, yeah, still. Something specific caused me to panic a little and jump to the comment box, and I apologize if I make it sound stupid:
".. Until Naruto somehow turns himself into a real, functional woman and lets me knock him up, you're it. Shut up."
Now, there's been a lot of talk about this. First of all: I just loved the whole thing. Second... I really, really don't like the idea of it changed only because someone might read into it differently. It could be taken as insulting, if they weren't them. I honestly think it works because you know, it's those three. He said it knowing how Naruto would react, partly because of it, and Sakura knows it now. She's not insecure enough (anymore) to pick up on it when she knows just how much of himself Sasuke let out. And Sasuke isn't sensitive enough (yet) to stop to consider hurting her with it in such a situation. He says what he means, and Sakura knows it. Wouldn't you think that's part of the beauty of the scene?
The more polished it looks, the less real it becomes. Polishing is what anime/manga/games do, to save time and keep things clear. I like how it doesn't have to be like that everywhere.
But. Ran out of words.
(The whole Itachi issue. [Which, by the way, also proves Sakura knows Sasuke well enough by now. But it was just so ;w; <3 I didn't stop to think about it. I just mentally cried with them.] And the kicking, and Sakura's thoughts. <3)
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I understand what you mean, yes. Polish it too much and it doesn't feel alive anymore, and yes, what you wrote is pretty much what I felt they were feeling during that scene. ♥
Yet I also have an obligation not to make it too subjective and hard to get, because some people don't have the same subtext for them that I do. It feels a little like dumbing it down sometimes and I really don't like it, but I can't pretend it's never necessary. It's not good writing if the only ones who can get it are the people who happen to match the way I think.
So... i'm still trying to figure out the smallest change I could make to make it clear without rewriting Sasuke's line entirely. So far the only one i've got is "until naruto blahblah, you're the only one." I liked "you're it" but. I don't know. Maybe I should leave "you're it" and slip sakura's understanding of it in the narration somehow... argh. Maybe in the end i'll just go NEVERMIND and not change a thing like a mean, mean person. XD
(♥♥♥♥♥)
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My heart swelled and I got all wibbly when Sasuke declared that he didn't have to be the one to kill Itachi. This is such a huge step for him.
Oh Sakura, still not confident that Sasuke wants to be your husband? I like that she said she wanted to marry Naruto too, that made me happy. I got wibbly again when Sasuke said Sakura was the only one he wanted to have his children. One of his "I love you" moments to her, which makes me happy. Of course, it was downplayed a little bit by the funny comment about clones and Naruto being able to get pregnant, but it was still pretty powerful.
Sorry for the lack of a better adjective than "wibbly", it's just so perfect for the way I feel... If I actually cried over stories I'd be teary eyes and sniffling!
I think this is it for my reading and commenting for the night... Bye for now!
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*rolls in yaylove* you're almost all caught up with teamwork! go go go~
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Yay for being almost caught up! Then I'll try to check regularly, we'll see how that works out XD