more retarded GW bunnies that will never get anywhere!

[askerian]

Heero: *returning inside house after seeing to safety and snacks of Most Beloved Daughter and young Friends* *wearing a peculiar look of "huh" on face*
Duo: Oh god. *already trying not to smile* What is it this time?
Heero: *thoughtful and slightly bemused* ... Was I the last to know that Daughter had a crush on Her Classmate?
Duo: *SNERKahem* Er. Well. ... Yes. *takes a pondering mitigating expression* I mean... Yes.
Heero: *eyetwitch* By at least several weeks, I take it.
Duo: *snerk, bis repetitae* If by weeks you mean months, sure.
Heero: *... sits in couch* *does most decidedly not flop*
Duo: *snerk, the return of the revenge*
Heero: ... I knew this day would come. *mutter* just not that soon.
Duo: *vaguely mocking shoulder pat* It's just a crush. You've got at least, oh, five years before it becomes anything else.
Heero: *slowly looks up in Duo's face* *stare* In five years she will be thirteen.
Duo: Yeah, so?
Heero: *... does not flop. not!* *instead he massages the bridge of his nose*
Duo: *still valiantly trying not to laugh his ass off*
Heero: *... quiet, incredulous chuckle*
Duo: *slow blink and mock-worry* Okay, you're worrying me.
Heero: Hah. *look of "dude, I'm worrying me".* I'm a logical person. *pause*
Duo: ... yeeeah, I think we can say that...
Heero: I've read parenting books.
Duo: *good-humored eyeroll* Just a few dozens.
Heero: *very patient, logical tone* I know the best thing to do is to make sure she is properly informed, has access to contraceptives, and knows we will not judge her for her choices, so she doesn't use promiscuity as a form of rebellion and doesn't need to look for male attention and validation through sex. And if she chooses to have sex anyway, there is nothing wrong with that, as long as she keeps herself safe.
Duo: Yeeeees?
Heero: *massages the bridge of his nose. massage massage.*
Duo: *gentle elbow jab of love in the ribs*
Heero: My first thought was "sawn-off shotguns don't have enough long-range accuracy."
Duo: *DISSOLVES into laughter*
Heero: *rueful, almost silent chuckles, eyes closed, shoulders shaking with laughter*
Duo: *tries to breathe* *looks at Heero* *fails*
Heero: *siiiigh* *can't help "what the hell, self" smile*
Duo: *bwahahahahaha* *wheeze* ... Congrats, daddy, it's a girl.
Heero: *grumbles* It's so illogical!
Duo: It is. *u_______________u*
Heero: She's smart enough not to choose an asshole. He's a nice kid.
Duo: *snrrrk*
Heero: She's eight. He's eight.
Duo: *pffffhahahahaha*
Heero: *groan*
Duo: *comforting arm around his shoulder* *still chuckling quietly* Whaddya know, I guess it's just paternal instinct.
Heero: It's primitive and illogical.
Duo: Instinct.
Heero: *sighs and smiles a little* I guess I can live with paternal instinct. *pause* And a good rifle.
Duo: *smiles at* *almost innocently* Nah, the shotgun's reload action is totally better for intimidation purposes.