FF7 Restore ficcage woes

[askerian]

The last chapter: http://askerian.livejournal.com/400437.html

Simply put, I don't like it. But I can't pinpoint where -- I just have a general sense of things being wrong, but I have no clue where to start to fix it.

Feelings I get:

-I think my characterisation is subtly off -- Zack and especially Aeris don't seem all that emotionally engaged in what's going on, and that makes them come across as shallow and unsympathetic to Tifa and Cloud's reaction.

-Holy Infodump, Batman. They just tell and tell and "this is what happened" and I feel like I'm just in a hurry to get the "what were you doing all this time instead of coming back" issue out of the way. Also I couldn't place one of my foreshadowing hints I probably should have. Might be better to have them argue before all the info comes to light, or have it come out in a more choppy, less "this is the tale from beginning to end" way. But if they argue...

-Next chapter, Cloud and Tifa are supposed to leave them alone with Sephiroth as they go to Wutai see Yuffie. ...In the actual state of things, that would never happen. And if they argue, perhaps even less so. I get the feeling Cloud is feeling alienated from Zack and Aeris, so he would never trust them with keeping an eye on Sephiroth. He loves Yuffie like a little sister and he'd like to be there while she's grieving for her dad, but without either a LOT more incentive to go protect her, or a LOT more trust in Zack's willingness and ability to keep Sephiroth subdued, he'd rather send Tifa and stay. And I just can't do that. The plot wouldn't work.



... Sigh... Maybe I need to delete everything and write it again. What's with this fic? This is the third scene I'd have to start again from scratch, and I'm not even started on the fourth chapter.