A Rant.

[askerian]

Have you ever been thrown out of a story, not because "this character would never act like that" but because "a human would never act like that"? I'm thinking of two, recent-ish, that were otherwise fairly well-constructed stories, with plot, intrigues, nice prose, and decent dialogue, but there was something off about the worldbuilding that just didn't work.



-The first was a time-travel fanfic. One of the premises was "In the future, almost everyone is of mixed ethnicities so everyone's hair/eyes/skin is colored varying shades of brown." Okay, I'll buy that easily. "Therefore, blonde hair/blue eyes are extremely rare sights and so are considered extremely attractive." Still easily believable. Except the next step was "therefore EVERYONE stares at this guy wherever he goes with hunger and awe because everyone has brown or black hair and he stands out SO MUCH and EVERYONE WANTS TO DO HIM" where it should have been "therefore many people dye their hair and use colored contacts like crazy, and people tend to assume he's just got a pretty awesome hairdresser before they get close enough to check his roots."

I was like "dude, it's the future, WHERE IS THE ENVIRONMENT-FRIENDLY HAIR DYE." People have only been bleaching and applying henna to their hair for dozens of centuries. If there is a reason given why hairdressers are now considered taboo, I would have liked to hear it in the fic -- at least make the blond guy raise the issue! He's from an era where one girl out of two has blonde highlights or some kind of unnatural red-purple shade. It wasn't enough to make me stop reading the fic, but it did make me eyeroll everytime someone did a double-take and hit on him because ooooh, blonde and blue eyes, so rare, so sexy~



-The second was kind of like hitting a wall ten steps after the running start. After that, I couldn't buy anything from the premises at all, and so I didn't keep reading. It killed the story.

Premises: a group of humans crash-land on a very dangerous planet. The adults promptly die off, the kids fall back to a primitive clan-like arrangement and into a prey/always scared mindset. They grow up, breed, things go on.

Sounds good so far.

Except somehow they'd totally lost the knack to use weapons. And by weapons I don't mean guns, I mean spears and pointy rocks. Up until the Gary Stu du jour suddenly "figured out" that he could *gasp* pick up things! and throw them! and kill bad things with it! And then the clan of mopey-scared "wahh we're only born to be monster food" idiots is all "ooh, no one ever thought of that." Sounds like a job for Darwin and his Chainsaw of Natural Selection right there. :|

Everyone who's ever babysitted a couple of toddlers knows that it would take a lot, a LOT more than a couple of generations growing up in the wild for the human animal to lose the instinct to happily bash its little playmates over the head with a plastic rake. A TODDLER.

A kid raised by wolves might lose the ability to use tools. But then it would also lose the ability to speak and to socialize with others on a human model. THEREFORE THEY WOULDN'T BE A HUMAN CLAN, NOW WOULD THEY, THEY'D BE A PACK OF GRUNTING, MENTALLY RETARDED CREATURES. And they weren't even raised by alien creatures! They raised each other! They weren't alone in a pack of aliens -- they were in a group of other humans, why wouldn't they imprint each other! Argh.

It wasn't a "I'm 13 and this is my first fic yay bizarre worlds!" story either. The guy who wrote that was an adult and published. No excuse. >:(



Anyone's got examples like that? I'm in a pitchforky mood and need some pointing and laughing. Or teeth-gnashing, I don't know. >.>

Comments

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't know if this counts, but every fic I read today had the cliche of "I love you, so I'm gonna rape you and THAT'S TOTALLY OKAY."

>_>;;

And I was reading fics from different fandoms.

[askerian]

... Yeah okay that counts too. XD;;

[kyutaru.livejournal.com]

Well that's just absurdly common, especially among doujins. I mean, after the first stop, you kind of get the idea that this is rape, but after the victim has said stop for the twentieth time, it's a bit beyond hard to get. Sure, in the end they love it and no means yes, but ... should have never gotten to that point.

[stripedpetunia.livejournal.com]

I haven't read anything for a while, fanfic or no, but thank you for killing me with lulz here. The hair and eye colour thing especially had me rolling.

How about in Angels and Demons, by Dan Brown, which I have countless problems with (antimatter blowing up the world LOLZ), but of which the most obvious stupid part was this:

There are these seals or stamps or whatever, one for each element, that were, what did they call them... *googles*... AMBIGRAMS. Anyway the images were stylized words that looked exactly the same right side up or upside down. The part that got me was how he was all, 'these ambigrams are thought impossible to do, no one's ever seen them, these stamps are amazing, blah blah fishcakes'. And yet. They're printed right there on the page of the book. And the cover of the book has the title as an ambigram too. What the hell, Dan Brown. What the hell.

The moral of the story is that famous, rich, published authors can suck just as much as your typical underaged fanfic writer.

[annwyd.livejournal.com]

OMG yes. I tried to read Angels & Demons before The Da Vinci Code and hated it so much that a) I couldn't read past the first few chapters (really rare for me and bookhaet) and b) I could never touch anything else by Dan Brown either. That was one of the things that pissed me off too. XD

[askerian]

... *headesk* oh stupid. Lack of imagination anyone.

[joisbishmyoga.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of a world intro'd at the end of a published, otherwise good book. (It was a dropoff for one of the characters; hundreds of worlds were engineered.) Some sort of pseudocommunist utopia experiment: everybody was an identical, hermaphroditic type that had sex once, got pregnant once, and had one kid. Except the rulers, who were clones maybe a centimeter taller and with hair a shade darker, who the people would all respond to with instant estrus.

Yyyyyyyyeah. Obviously more a harem fantasy than anything viable, especially considering that disease and accidents would decimate a population that can only replace itself at a 1:1 rate.

But what really got me is that nobody had hair dye, tattoos, contacts, makeup, body paint, clothes, or scars. Not even accidental scars. WTF. You can't engineer people that far away from being human. There should be a widespread fashion of nonconformity at least, a booming business in makeup, hair dye, hairstyling, tattoos... and if the gov't has laws against that, a huge underground market for scarring and mutilation.

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

... why am I having horrible flashback to Piers Anthony? I blame this on you. I almost forgot the pain. ;__;

[sadieko.livejournal.com]

I've encountered this several times in fic/books before, but there is one in particular that always stuck with me.

It was a from scifi book with this alien species that was was extremely sexist; women were property and there was an "free access" rule in effect meaning that a guy could have sex with any woman he wanted, anywhere, any time - provided she wasn't owned by a man that would protest.

One chapter was from the POV a woman in this species. It was pretty much a horrible telling of her getting power the only way available to her (i.e. by hooking up with a powerful man) and all the terrible things she subjected herself to for beauty or had to endure, etc. and so forth.

It was actually fairly interesting for a while, if only because it was different to see an abuse woman character who "played the game" as much as the people repressing her, as opposed to the typical stalwart "I will survive this for the good of all womankind" characters more commonly seen in situations like this.

But then. At the end of her chapter, she's dying and the narrative goes into this two page long introspective where she exalts in her repressed position in life and believes it has brought her true spiritual freedom greater than than the "supposed freedom" of women in other species in the galaxy.

I was done with the book at that point.

[askerian]

... Oh look, the author has such a nice Message. *grits teeth just a bit* I would have been done with it too. ~_~

[sadieko.livejournal.com]

Also, now I'm curious what the second story you mentioned is called!

[askerian]

I deliberately forgot. D: It was up at the Baen Free Library, but apart from that...

[na-no-nai.livejournal.com]

Oh gosh, back in dbz fandom when I pretty much read ... well, everything, I was astounded by the sheer number of otherwise decent fics by relatively decent writers who fucked it all up when it came to sex. And by that I don't mean failed at writing smut, because oddly enough, that wasn't half bad (sometimes even good!) I'm talking about basics of human sexuality, like the girl being 20-something years old and having never experienced arousal of ANY KIND before, and more than that, not even knowing what it was when it happened. *facepalm*

I'm sure it was meant to be all 'Vegeta is just that fucking awesome' but come on! Every girl who's ever gone through puberty should understand arousal even if it maybe isn't something they experience often. Not to mention the fact that society has ALWAYS placed a great deal of importance on sex in some form or fashion, whether it be for procreation, fun, or something spiritual. Let's face it; as a species, we're obsessed. XD

[askerian]

guhh, yes. And just this morning i was reading -- god knows why -- a story where naruto and sasuke roll around on the floor and they're both "i feel warm... kinda tingly... what's going on? why does it feel good?"

Like boys don't play with their penis from the moment they realize it exists. -__-;

It's even stupider when they're reaching an age where they can have, you know, WET DREAMS. even if they somehow never explored their own bodies (I'm sure that must happen SOMEWHERE), puberty will do that for them. >.>

[aubuyn.livejournal.com]

HA. I know the exactly fanfic you're talking about with the first one. I just recently took it off of my alerts list. It had such good characterization in the beginning, and was so promising...! And then turned into the typical SasuNaru that every fanbrat and their Mary Sues crave. I finally just called it quits when she started abusing Sakura's character.

[kohikari.livejournal.com]

Misery Business? By...um...I think it's Ladelle...100K+ words. Starts out randomly shiny and sci-fi and TIME TRAVEL. Then...um, apparently women have almost died out so all the men are gay. XD

(Because I think I recognized it too. I dunno if we're all talking about different fanfic or what, but just to check.)

[midnigh-unicorn.livejournal.com]

Let's put it this way: unless I know the *author* is decent, like you, I don't even touch multi-chapter fics anymore. It's actually getting harder for me to pick up real books by authors I don't know, because I'm such a picky reader. I'm probably missing a lot of decent stuff, but my fear of crap and avoidance of feelings of disgust is stronger.

[calenchamien.livejournal.com]

Got to admit, I have the same problem. Fortunately, I have friends and syblings who aren't so picky who know what I like. I still get rec'd to read crappy stuff, but most of the stuff is good.

[m-a-foxfire.livejournal.com]

Voidfarer, by Sean McMullen.

There is a fidelity spell - invented by a woman, by the way - that stops married couples from cheating on each other. If the man (yes, it works only with one man and one woman, because Gay People Do Not Exist Here) touches another woman, his penis shrinks. Cue guffaws. And yes, touches. Because obviously, giving a little girl a piggyback ride or helping a crippled old lady across means that your thoughts are full of lechery.

Now, if the woman comes into contact with another man, she is afflicted with horrible agony, and becomes temporarily paralyzed.

...Okay, who else sees the elephant-sized hole in the logic fabric here?

(Also, Piers Anthony. Yep. Sexual harassment is good fun teeheelulz. This guy's bored? Okay, let's use love potion to give him this woman I don't want! Black people are okay, but they shouldn't live with the proper humans. Homosexuality is a mental disease, but don't worry, we have a cure! And that last one? Just kind of a... side comment thrown off as a joke. I'd liked his books up until then, but man. That one crack actually sent me into a minor breakdown.)

[(Anonymous)]

I had the same sort of thing with Yamato Nadeshiko Shichihenge (Perfect Girl Evolution, Wallflower)? It was such a cute manga at first, and then the author mentions in an authors note something like ugly people are all ugly inside, and I went GAAAHH! ;_;

[icelightning.livejournal.com]

Well, at least one of the main characters didn't die by being raped to death? Sasuke did that to Naruto in one fanfic. I was like "uhm..." And then I made fun of it with a friend on AIM.

[askerian]

... It's like Gaara being a cutter. It's canon he CAN'T. XD

[(Anonymous)]

Offhand, I'd say the biggest problems of this nature I have in fanfiction usually revolve around sex.

Take Gundam Wing, for instance.

It's not necessarily when every guy in the series, from Heero on down to Treize, is extremely homosexual and paired off with each other that bothers me. It's war, you take comfort where you can get it, yadda yadda yadda.

It's the fics (the vast, vast numbers of fics) where Wufei is in threesome with Treize and Zechs. And nobody is bothered by two men in their mid-to-late twenties being in a sexual relationship with a, what, 15-year-old? Including his teammates, who notice he's in bed with the enemy and shrug it off, because... I don't know... it's true love, I guess?

And then there's the fics where people who are extremely competent individuals, people who could kill a man with their thumbs, get raped by some random mugger because the authors want angst and woe. I remember this one Suzumiya Haruhi fic I read in that vein about the titular character - and she's basically a GOD. When she gets annoyed or bored, monsters start rampaging through downtown.

Hey, that feels pretty good. Maybe I should rant more often.

-- Guile

[shadowsofapen.livejournal.com]

-delurks-

I, personally, am a large fan of the "I am the last of my race, but I have so much angst I'm just going to go find revenge before taking care of my priorities."

Priorities, you say? One word, people: Breeding.

If someone was the last of their race, they would probably want to make sure that they can have at least half their-race-children. Or, from a FAR MORE PROBABLE standpoint, they should probably start looking for other people who were not razed to the ground/killed/destroyed/ect., because the possibility of there being only ONE left of any race is slim to none.

Erk. They annoy me so.

-fades back into shadows-

[askerian]

XD Eh, dunno. if they're really a "race" they might be unable to crossbreed anyway ( what I really mean is that they SHOULD be. Half-anything = not a race. D: ) In that case I'd be damn interested in revenge (but as a corollary, i wouldn't be interested in much else, so I'd know perfectly that i'm forfeiting the rest of my life.) But then I don't want kids so I have trouble seing why everyone should place reproducing as their priority. It's a heavy responsibility, and it gets even heavier when it's done out of duty not to let the genes of an entire species die out. Besides, the problem is just going to get passed down to the next generation, unless they want to do it the incesty way... XD

I really wish we saw "last of my race? i must look for other survivors!" reaction more often, though. Not everyone is going to have the revenge reflex take over... >.>

[lukita.livejournal.com]

oh gods, yes!

I can't stand it when characters say/does things to make them look like a social retard just so the author can write character b jumping in to save them from continuing to act like an idiot. Especially in amnesia fics.

And I'm sure this doesn't count, but two guys talking about their feelings with one another. I usually goes "dood, while it's probably more healthy for them to talk about it, but right now two guys together would beat each other up before they talk about their feelings".

[viper-s.livejournal.com]

I concure! Feelings are not for Manly Discussions(tm). If two men ended up even mentioning their feelings in a deep and meaningful way, it would result in either a fight of some kind, or some serious awkwardness. Maybe all guys aren't like that, but I doubt they'd get together for a touchy-feely discussion group.

[(Anonymous)]

The second fic would leave William Golding highly displeased.

[blackheisei.livejournal.com]

What I hate is when otherwise good fic writers have stories that are well written, original, and have an engaging plot... but the characters are OOC.

If you're not going to write a story about the character from the book/show/movie/manga...why bother calling it fanfic? Give them new names, new faces, and let their characters shine! Heck, you might even get published that way!

[mya-in-ab.livejournal.com]

Did the author of the second see "2001, A Space Odyssey" for the first time and want to enshrine it? This just sounded like the opening sequence when the monkeys encounter the aliens and suddenly (gasp!) realize they can kick the pants off other monkeys with bone clubs! Daaah, daaaaaaah, daaaaaaaaaaaaah! Da Daaah! (Bombom, bombom) Yay for Arthur C. Clarke!

[acechan.livejournal.com]

....Why, oh why, does badfic inspire me so much more than goodfic? I read the first bit and immediately began thinking of how a society *could* eventually get to a point where even blond dye would be unusual...but that would be the point where blond hair is considered freakish, and would inspire disgusted fascination as often as intrigued fascination.

[oxbonkus.livejournal.com]

Hah, I can't tell you the number of times I've had the same reaction to something. And every time, it just reinforces my belief that before you put pen to paper, you should have basic, working knowledge of human psychology--at least. Plus, for whatever reason, the writers tend to get pissed when you point out the holes in their plot/characteriztion/logic. Dunno why, but it does. =B I've only ran into one writer--until recently, w00t!--who appreciated by psych advice, but she was steering into Stockholm territory, didn't know it, and didn't know what Stockholm Syndrome was. It made me happy and sad at the same time.

[sara-the-lazy.livejournal.com]

*sighs* It's sad enough that there's non-professionally published writing that's utterly crappily conceived like that, but when it's published it makes me cry a little inside. And it's the worst when the writing style is actually -good- but the implausibility ruins it.

I can't think of any to rant about but then again I'm not in a ranty mood.

*huggles the Asuka* *chews on her affectionately* *runs away in case the Asuka doesn't like being chewed on*

~Sara

[jmercedesd.livejournal.com]

Anything by Laurell K. Hamilton post-Blood Bones, IMO.

Anita's a what? Vampire/succubus/were-leopard/werewolf/necromancer/slut/what?

Why isn't she some mutant freak?????

*is so disappointed*

things that irk me

[purple-alicorn.livejournal.com]

* Changing the gender of a main character for no good reason (ie: Female!Harry or Female!Naruto). I can only speculate that this is they can write them getting it on with another boy without any of 'that nasty gay stuff' *rolls eyes*
* Alternatively, the demonisation of all women (or at least of all potential love interests) as evil and really OOC - which then leads to the gay (there are some authors which take this to an extreme...)

Re: things that irk me

[calenchamien.livejournal.com]

Or worse, when they gender-bend so they can make it kinky yuri fiction without bothering to actually figure out how two girls might fall in love.
I mean, come on! Liking a story, and hating yaoi/slash? Yeah, I can understand that. I can even understand liking a story and hating het. But changing a character so that you can pair them up with a certain person for the express purpose of having it be 'kinky'? WTH??
Or where it's stil het, but there only get that way by having *All* the characters genderbend. How annoying.