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(naruto, short) NaruHina. :O
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slamu. ^___^
LOOK. LOOK. I WROTE NARUHINA.
Well, okay, pre-naruhina. I SAY IT STILL COUNTS. YES IT DOES.
The prose could be better, but it was a quick idea and a quickly written fic. Please if you see any grammar weirdness, or anything that needs an explanation, please point it out? ^^
They've been running for a day and they aren't catching up quickly enough. They're faster, but the enemy was well-prepared. Intricate false trails abound and even Neji can't see through them at first glance, or even at second. Kiba and Akamaru can barely breathe for the stink in their noses, but they run anyway.
Naruto runs with them. And he doesn't give a rat's ass that they're supposed to let the Cloud nins go if they cross the frontier. Kiba won't care either. And for all his respect of the law and authority and the Hokage's strict orders, Neji won't, too. Naruto remember his words in the stadium, so long ago; lingering distance or not, he doubts Neji is ever going to let Hidden Cloud get the person his father died to protect.
Besides, Naruto hasn't saved the Hyuuga yet, and he can't do that if Hinata isn't there. She needs to see it, too.
So when Neji sucks in a startled breath, Naruto doesn't slow down, but plows through... whatever it is that Neji saw.
As it turns out, Neji wasn't staring at another trap.
There's a dozen of Cloud ninjas standing there in combat stances -- not running -- and he thinks that maybe Kiba, Neji and him did herd them into Shino's trap.
For all of two seconds.
And then he sees, too.
It was strange that they would target her again, because Hinata is not a toddler anymore, not easily transportable; but after the last time, they know better than to take a sealed Hyuuga. Of the few unsealed people in her clan -- apart, maybe, a few old warhorses who never leave the compound anymore -- she is widely known as the weakest.
She flows between her enemies. She's like a feather in the wind. Graceful, small, unthreatening -- but you rush toward her and it's like the air itself twirls her away. It's a dance, where she knows everyone's moves and matches them effortlessly.
He only thinks of moving again when it looks like they're going to tackle her en masse -- but then Kiba and Akamaru rush through with a fierce yell. Hinata dodges like they've repeated this a hundred times before, and then she's following in their wake and striking down any who still stands.
Two men try to run; Neji sends them flying.
Naruto is still standing there and staring.
Trotting back, Akamaru whines a question; Hinata beams and scratches his heavy head, reassures Kiba when he points to the ugly rope burns on her pale wrists. She bows quickly toward Neji, who sighs, shakes his head and pretends she didn't; and then she turns around and starts.
"Ah! Naruto-kun!" A pause -- a shy, surprised smile blooming. "What... What are you doing here?"
Saving you, he wants to say. But his mind is still full of that grace and competence, that quiet determination.
"I. Uh."
One of the Cloud ninjas twitches; before he can react, Hinata gasps and runs past him to knock out the enemy again. Just a light touch at the base of the neck, and he's out like a light. Kiba laughs and throws them a roll of wire each; and then they start hogtying the unconscious men.
"I'm -- I'm sorry, Naruto-kun, what were you...?"
He stares at her, with her long flowing hair and the too-generous, un-Hyuuga curves she hides under her oversized clothes, dainty, callused feet, bruised hands demurely smoothing down her clothes. And her soft, shy smile, and her reddened cheeks.
"Were you going to -- to say something?"
"...Yeah," he finally answers. And then he grins. "Yeah. When we get home, d'you wanna spar with me?"
slamu. ^___^LOOK. LOOK. I WROTE NARUHINA.
Well, okay, pre-naruhina. I SAY IT STILL COUNTS. YES IT DOES.
The prose could be better, but it was a quick idea and a quickly written fic. Please if you see any grammar weirdness, or anything that needs an explanation, please point it out? ^^
They've been running for a day and they aren't catching up quickly enough. They're faster, but the enemy was well-prepared. Intricate false trails abound and even Neji can't see through them at first glance, or even at second. Kiba and Akamaru can barely breathe for the stink in their noses, but they run anyway.
Naruto runs with them. And he doesn't give a rat's ass that they're supposed to let the Cloud nins go if they cross the frontier. Kiba won't care either. And for all his respect of the law and authority and the Hokage's strict orders, Neji won't, too. Naruto remember his words in the stadium, so long ago; lingering distance or not, he doubts Neji is ever going to let Hidden Cloud get the person his father died to protect.
Besides, Naruto hasn't saved the Hyuuga yet, and he can't do that if Hinata isn't there. She needs to see it, too.
So when Neji sucks in a startled breath, Naruto doesn't slow down, but plows through... whatever it is that Neji saw.
As it turns out, Neji wasn't staring at another trap.
There's a dozen of Cloud ninjas standing there in combat stances -- not running -- and he thinks that maybe Kiba, Neji and him did herd them into Shino's trap.
For all of two seconds.
And then he sees, too.
It was strange that they would target her again, because Hinata is not a toddler anymore, not easily transportable; but after the last time, they know better than to take a sealed Hyuuga. Of the few unsealed people in her clan -- apart, maybe, a few old warhorses who never leave the compound anymore -- she is widely known as the weakest.
She flows between her enemies. She's like a feather in the wind. Graceful, small, unthreatening -- but you rush toward her and it's like the air itself twirls her away. It's a dance, where she knows everyone's moves and matches them effortlessly.
He only thinks of moving again when it looks like they're going to tackle her en masse -- but then Kiba and Akamaru rush through with a fierce yell. Hinata dodges like they've repeated this a hundred times before, and then she's following in their wake and striking down any who still stands.
Two men try to run; Neji sends them flying.
Naruto is still standing there and staring.
Trotting back, Akamaru whines a question; Hinata beams and scratches his heavy head, reassures Kiba when he points to the ugly rope burns on her pale wrists. She bows quickly toward Neji, who sighs, shakes his head and pretends she didn't; and then she turns around and starts.
"Ah! Naruto-kun!" A pause -- a shy, surprised smile blooming. "What... What are you doing here?"
Saving you, he wants to say. But his mind is still full of that grace and competence, that quiet determination.
"I. Uh."
One of the Cloud ninjas twitches; before he can react, Hinata gasps and runs past him to knock out the enemy again. Just a light touch at the base of the neck, and he's out like a light. Kiba laughs and throws them a roll of wire each; and then they start hogtying the unconscious men.
"I'm -- I'm sorry, Naruto-kun, what were you...?"
He stares at her, with her long flowing hair and the too-generous, un-Hyuuga curves she hides under her oversized clothes, dainty, callused feet, bruised hands demurely smoothing down her clothes. And her soft, shy smile, and her reddened cheeks.
"Were you going to -- to say something?"
"...Yeah," he finally answers. And then he grins. "Yeah. When we get home, d'you wanna spar with me?"
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Go Hinata!
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Quick grammar/typo note:
Naruto remember his words in the stadium, so long ago
You missed an s at the end of "remember(s)."
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...our Naru-chan is a little dence
sometimes, but at least he hasn't gotten us to loose all hope yet >__>''no subject
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She flows between her enemies. She's like a feather in the wind. Graceful, small, unthreatening -- but you rush toward her and it's like the air itself twirls her away. It's a dance, where she knows everyone's moves and matches them effortlessly.
I read it a few times, just cos it's so pretty.
And Naruto's last line! XD So perfect.
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Ahah...when Naruto falls for someone, he falls hard, doesn't he?
It's almost dreamlike.
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Naruto & Hinata have got to be my favorite non-pairing! ^^
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Thou art most awesome!
(can I get back to you later? I seem to have trouble breathing)
Bwaahaahaahaa! Slowly (maybe) it shall corrupt you! feel free to indulge.
The fighting styles and how they mesh seems to not only work, but be above and beyond effective (Kiba? Charge into the thick of the enemy formation? Whoever saw that one coming?!)
The part at the end where you describe her seems to say more than just what is typed there. I also like the contrast of "I just whooped X many cloud-nin" with the demure maiden that is just this side of too shy to talk to her hero.
I also like how his reaction wasn't "OMG she's a gurl=One True Love!" (a bit too much of that in other fics, thank-you-very-much) but rather was "Dude! She kicked ass! Alright!"
Right. I'm babbling. Sorry.
One last thing; is there anything I can give you? I don't know what you might want with my soul, but give me a minute and I could FedEx it to you. (I remember that you took a rather dim view of firstborn children.)If you want, I could babysit all those brats people keep giving you.
DDD: nnnnoooooooooooes~
But even if she develops more confidence in her abilities, I can't see her not being demure, quiet and reserved. Nothing says that to be strong she has to be loud and in-your-face XD
If you can cook up brat-steak, i'll love you forever~
You aren't indulging! this makes me sad. :'(
Alot of generic male characters (I'm streotyping blatantly, please forgive me) are all swagger and no substance, and most of the calm/collected bad guys are the uber powerful ones (Itachi, Sesshomaru, Legato Bluesummers, etc.) The strong chicks are normally brash, in-your-face, and would you like a side of fanservice (Temari not so much, but she's the only one that is comming to mind, her and this chick from Beet) while most of the civilian/NPC girls are...girly (not the word I'm looking for). Why can't a quiet girl get strong?
I suppose that how she was raised counts for alot of it. Having a younger sister that wiped the mat with you, a father that seems capable of only mentioing how worthless you are to him and a cousin who blames you for the loss of his daddy could concivably make for a hostile home environment. Fight or flight responses, if you can't beat them or join them then it's best that you draw as little attention to yourself as inhumanly possible.
I will say this about "demure, quiet and reserved"; it's the quiet ones that you need to watch out for. Case in point: of the sand siblings, who was the last person you heard talk? Gaara. Of T10, who is the least likely to converse willingly (or get out of bed if it was on fire)? Shikamaru. Of the Konohamaru Corps, who doesn't boast loudly? The snot-nosed brat. (we shall expect great things from him...)
People shortchange her for a variety of reasons. 1) they are idiots. 2) they are unimaginative. 3) they honestly think that that is how it would happen. (now I feel like writing a "Hinata kicks down the door, kicks serious Akatsuki ass, saves Naruto from a fate worse than Mary Sue's, and becomes (power behind the throne) wife of Rokudiame Hokage." Almost enough to actually do it.)
Every time I feel like referring you to a good example/counter example-fic, it either was written by you, you know about it already, it only strengthens your point, or it doesn't apply. To a smarter person, this might be discouraging. Meh, statistically there has to be SOMETHING out there. I do recall an AU of an AU sideficlet that wasn't written by you where the premise was that Hiashi made a deal with Akatsuki to deliver Naruto to them, they kill Naruto, Hinata goes berserk and kills daddy and Itachi, goes on to be Hokage for Naruto, but I think that falls under the "doesn't apply"
I'm not bashing the whole "Naruto Rescues Hinata, Love Blooms" scenario because it is a plausible(ish) plot device and like all plots, with skill and ingenuity it can be pulled off. However, I see very few "Shikamaru rescues Ino from Mist-nin who only want to harvest her hair for their own nefarious purposes" (they aren't from Konoha, so their purposes HAVE to be nefarious!) plots, so either we NaruHina shippers need to cut back a bit, or everybody else needs to glut the market. (This is how good plot devices go sour children)
Don't knock yourself. It's a GOOD summarized fic!
...
I'm rambling again, aren't I?