I like your reasoning in the first part, both 'why Hinata' and the people who are chasing after the Cloud-nin. (Extra points for Neji! Daddy dearest is still playing in his life)
The fighting styles and how they mesh seems to not only work, but be above and beyond effective (Kiba? Charge into the thick of the enemy formation? Whoever saw that one coming?!)
The part at the end where you describe her seems to say more than just what is typed there. I also like the contrast of "I just whooped X many cloud-nin" with the demure maiden that is just this side of too shy to talk to her hero.
I also like how his reaction wasn't "OMG she's a gurl=One True Love!" (a bit too much of that in other fics, thank-you-very-much) but rather was "Dude! She kicked ass! Alright!"
Right. I'm babbling. Sorry.
One last thing; is there anything I can give you? I don't know what you might want with my soul, but give me a minute and I could FedEx it to you. (I remember that you took a rather dim view of firstborn children.)If you want, I could babysit all those brats people keep giving you.