askerian | T_T Teamwork woes

Okay, so the next scene of Teamwork with Jiraiya isn't working. Or, well, I think so. I'm not sure. The beginning works well, but the reason this scene is here at all is because I had a dialogue for the end of it, and I built the beginning to lead to it.

And then I arrive to it -- Jiraiya and Naruto having a "hypothetical" talk about "a seal that doesn't exist anyway, right?" -- and I keep thinking, Naruto would never remember all that. Even if I go back and fix his non-understanding of all the seal stuff to less extreme levels, he still won't remember it all so he can go and tell Sasuke and Sakura.

He might remember what a diagram looks like somewhat, but without any idea of what it means? He'll only be able to see it as a drawing. "Hm, I think this bar was a little higher -- and maybe there was a triangle in that corner, but I'll be buggered if I can remember if it was a pointy triangle or a regular triangle. Oh, wait, maybe it was a star."

And even if he did, Sasuke and Sakura probably wouldn't trust his comments anyway, on account of he doesn't know what he's talking about, and would only be parroting Jiraiya's comments back to them, and his memory for all things scholarly ain't that great. And I don't want to add three bazilion scenes making them have a fight about it, and getting things wrong and saving it in-extremis, and Naruto being hurt that he isn't trusted, and making them go to Jiraiya on their own. Because that would break the pretense that Jiraiya doesn't know what's going on, else he'll be in deep shit for not only not stopping them, but encouraging them. (Also because I was supposed to write the applying said seal next scene and damn it, my chapter's already too long as it is.)

So now I don't know what to do with my scene, and how to save it. And I hate hate hate the idea of scrapping it entirely, but maybe it has to be done. I don't know.

I'd post it here for people to tell me, but I don't want stock "aw, you're worrying for nothing, it's perfect as always" replies, and you people tend to be a lot nicer with the quality of my writing than I am. :p

*pokes at F-list for beta-type people* ;é.è;

edit: I thiiink I've got it. Maybe. I completed the scene, now I'm gonna let it rest a bit and then edit the hell out of it. But still! That's good. I hope. Thanks for your help, peoples. ♥

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I would be happy to look it over for you, if you want.

In the meantime, would the scene work if it were sakura he ran in to? She does hang out sort of "in his circle", so it could be a "tell tsunande this," or even "tell naruto this", maybe. And you'd bypass the problems with naruto's-not-a-scholarness. Or you could keep it with naruto, and have it written down, again, give this to the old woman, I have to take off again, and then it doesn't matter if he doesn't understand it? I don't know, maybe this isn't helpful at all.

Right. I'm sorry it's giving you trouble, and if there's anything I can do please don't hesitate to ask.

Okay fingers whut, sorry. XD

The problem is that this chapter is all Naruto POV, all the time. Also, Jiraiya is trying not to leave written proof that he aided and abetted. And it makes a lot more sense for him to go and randomly have a chat with Naruto than with Sasuke; and Sakura is always around Tsunade when Jiraiya could see her, anyway.

T_T Maybe I'll go with -- hmm. Maybe he could ask Naruto "oh, have you looked at X section of the library?" or something. And there would be a Mysteriously Out of Place scroll.

... Hmmmm. Maybe that could work... *ponderponderponder*

*rubs on you* ♥ I'll see if it works like that, and if not, I'll ask you to look it over, if you don't mind. ^___^

hmm, yeah I didn't think about that...well, it looks (peering down at the next comment) like you have some good ideas, but the offer to look it over stands.

<-- has great faith in teh asuka.

Hmm... Well, what about Kyuubi? I don't remember what his thoughts on the seal are, but maybe Kyuubi's influence, understanding, or memory could still make the exchange beneficial for later? And interesting, since we don't know if we can trust him. But if Naruto couldn't remember a seal, could Kyuubi put the image back into his mind? <3

...

..............

.......OH HEY. That might work too. O___O

....

That might work hella good too.

MAYBE I CAN DO BOTH.

*mad weasel love to you and lissiel*

Heee! <3

That's what I would have suggested. Make Fuzzbutt remember what the hell it looked like ^^

Lord knows he's not good for much else. >.> *ready to run in case he heard me*

I was about to suggest the same thing! ^_^

Jiraiya is always taking notes during his research, so he has pen and paper with him. what if Naruto is just so annoying, not getting what he's saying,not understanding what the seal should look like, that he scribbles it out quickly, "Like that, stupid"?

... Hehehe. I've got a moment kind of like that, so maybe. Jiraiya's trying not to leave a paper trail, though, so Naruto couldn't keep the paper. But the library thing might fix that... *ponders*

Unless there happens to be a strange looking "doodle" in the manuscript of the next Icha Icha installment that Jiraiya just happens to pass onto his favorite student for "inspiration" for his new living situation...

best idea - have sasuke follow and eavesdrop? or... jiraiya sort of hint to sasuke that he should follow... or something...

Sasuke's doing his own thing, alas. u_u

But it's alright, I think maybe it works now. Sort of. I hope.

im sure it will :D

After Naruto and Jiraiya have their talk, could you have Naruto go back and try to explain it (all wrong, of course) to Sasuke and Sakura who then figure out whatever it is they need to know for themselves (especially Sakura, since she's smart), because Naruto's rambling has pointed them in the right direction? Maybe this could be helped along by Jiraiya giving Naruto a really, super overly simplified analogy that even Naruto can remember and relay to his team mates correctly.

Since I don't know exactly what you're trying to have happen, I don't know if this will help, but I wish you luck figuring it out!

Maybe Naruto could just memorize what he needs to ask even if he doesn't know exactly what he's asking. When I was learning English in school I used to memorize the way words looked so I could answer questions in test. Hell, I still do that when I have a particularly hard science test. he may not know what he's talking about but he might be able to remember phonetically.

I'm always late, but I doubt I'd have been much help anyway. XD Glad you think you've got it working. ^___^ And hey, we're all our own worst critic. I think it's like a rule or something.

And they used tiny radio headets? Naruto already stole some scrolls, why can't he steal that too, only a better one? Hide it in his hair or in his cloathing, and then Sasuke and Sakura Can listen in, no fighting over how good his memory is or anything. They can ask questions to Naruto and he can parrot them at ero-sennin.

T_T Teamwork woes

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remember the D-class mission with the Cat?