teamwork chap6 tidbit + sillies

[askerian]

So windshades was helping me with Teamworky stuff. Yay for english-as-second-language and disjointed thought process.

askerian: water: turn on?
askerian: ...
askerian: I MEAN
askerian: ahaha
askerian: *slaps perverted mind*
windshades: ...XDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
askerian: i mean do you say "he turns on the water"?
askerian: i forgot
windshades: *rolls in the gutter*
askerian: *rolls on*
windshades: Oooh baby! ^___~
askerian: this is going on LJ. u.u

For the record, that sentence was about Sasuke taking a shower. COINCIDENCE? I think not. My brain is pervy without me. ;_;



/You've got two bitches and you still wake up alone. Train them better already./

Naruto blinked sleepily at the hollow in the mattress at his side, and growled under his breath as he realized that he was indeed alone. The sheet only retained the barest hint of warmth. He could hear the shower running, though; Sasuke wasn't very far away.

/The pink slut is. What are you letting her live elsewhere for?/

Naruto winced as the fox threw memories of gutted females at his face, fetuses torn out -- when they hadn't been devoured. It was, apparently, a delicacy. So very tender. Kyuubi didn't think much of "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

'No one's gonna eat the baby, furball. Humans don't eat each other.' Of course, there were other dangers.

Kyuubi didn't seem so convinced. Naruto got a flash of two vixens, a pink one and a blond one, curled together in a burrow, hiding from big bad predators. /Needs a male there/ he rumbled musingly. To protect them. And also to mount them. A lot.

Naruto yawned, and tried not to think about bad stuff; it was too early in the morning. "Ino? Man, no way. 'Sides it's either her or Sasuke; Sasuke won't share with her."

/He can't bear your kits either./

Naruto didn't care much for starting the morning by an argument with a voice in his head; besides he already knew that Kyuubi considered males as nothing more than toys. Fun toys, granted. Besides, he really shouldn't alienate Kyuubi at the moment; the demon was surprisingly sociable today, there was no reason to waste it.

"Ino would screech our ears out."

/Pink slut already does./

"Not half as much as Ino would; 'sides she and Sakura would fight all the time."

/Fuck them until they're too tired to stand./

Naruto started laughing; he rather liked that suggestion. Purely rhetorically, of course.

He rolled off the bed with an easy grace -- the fox was still close, a little as if he was looking over his shoulder -- and tripped on Sasuke's abandoned shoes. Gack! He caught himself on the door, wincing at the noise and his palm smarting. Should have known it was a fluke.

"What did you break?" Sasuke yelled from the bathroom.

"I didn't break anything! I just--" left a sooty imprint on his door, oh damn it. He'd washed his hands, hadn't he? Yes, he had, at the station, and his face too... But not the rest of him. Of course, now that he was thinking about it, it started to itch.

The water cut off. "You just?" Sasuke repeated, suspicious. Naruto wondered where the soft-spoken, almost docile Sasuke from the night before had disappeared. Oh well, this one was more normal at least.

Naruto was tired of yelling through a closed door, though. So he threw it open and stepped inside. "It was open!" he chirped, and dodged hurriedly. The soap bounced on the wall and left a wet, soapy trail in his hair.

Sasuke was glaring at him through the glass wall of the shower stall. "No it was not."

"Oh well, it is now -- oh hey, you're naked."

Sasuke threw him a nasty glare. "No shit, Sherlock."

He was very naked. And wet. And his hair was sticking to his face. Damn that towel rack for blocking the rest of the view.

Though when Sasuke turned away to turn the water back on, it gave Naruto a nice view of his shoulder. And the warded curse seal on his neck; part of the landscape by now, but surprisingly compelling. "So did you just barge in to peep on me or did you actually have a goal in mind?"

"Maybe peeping was my goal," Naruto retorted, craning his neck to keep glancing back at Sasuke as he washed his hands at the sink.

"Don't make me stuff that soap up your ass, Naruto."

"Oh, bad idea. I hear it makes for terrible lube." He grinned innocently and pulled off his shirt, looking around for a washcloth. There was soot at the base of his neck, and more soot over his chest and his armpits.

"I thought you didn't want to bottom -- what are you doing?"

"Washing up."

"You can't wait your turn?" Sasuke groused, and finished rinsing himself off.

"But it itches NOW!" Naruto protested, rubbing more vigorously.

"Goddamnit -- here! I'm done, now take a shower instead of dripping dirty water all over the floor."

Sasuke stomped out of the stall, his back stiff, and snatched a towel to dry himself off. He was saying something, about next times and kicking Naruto out and locking the door. Naruto wasn't all too sure of the details, actually. The towel was old and scratchy, and Sasuke's vigorous rubbing left his skin looking flushed. On Sakura, he would have called that shade just-got-molested.

... Hohoho.

"What are you -- let gMPH!"

Sasuke growled in Naruto's mouth; Naruto laughed in response, and slipped his tongue between his lips as deeply as he could go.

"What the fuck--" Sasuke sputtered angrily as he broke the kiss.

"Good morning, bastard!"

Naruto kissed him again, using his superior weight to back him against the door. Sasuke started shoving him back, but then he slipped on the trail the wet soap had left on the tiles and bumped hard against the door. Naruto didn't lose time taking advantage of the opportunity.

Towel dumped on the floor, check. Chest to bare chest, check. Lower body -- damn it, Naruto was still wearing pants. It was kinda nice to know that Sasuke's lower body was bare, though. Lips -- oww, bastard bit hard. Hands...

...Well. Sasuke had to be distracted from biting his lips off, right?

"Nngh!"

... And now he was kissing back properly. Awesome how a good double hold on his butt changed things -- oh yeah...

"Moron... Gonna get me dirty again..."

"You can shower with me," Naruto proposed, mouthing his neck.

Sasuke shoved him off without warning. Naruto flailed; the same soapy puddle that had ambushed Sasuke had just turned on him. He managed to grab the sink and the edge of the shower stall somehow. "Hey!"

"That's enough 'good morning' for today," Sasuke growled, picking up his towel, and stomped out of the bathroom.

... Well, watching him walk off was nice too. Naruto wasn't sure what he'd done, though. Oh well, this was still a good way to start the day. He kicked off his pants and stepped into the shower, whistling.

Comments

[know-your-story.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I think it's fairly IC. It has me laughing a lot, if that helps at all. :)
~A

[askerian]

The actions are okay, I think, but the words I used I'm not sure really fit. *sigh* Oh well, so long as it's funny *^____^*

[kiyakotari.livejournal.com]

**grin**

I like the Kyuubi in it, but you're right - something about Naruto feels a bit...off. Not a lot, not even something I can pin down with words. I dunno. Maybe I'm just imagining it because you mentioned it.

[askerian]

Maybe it's what he'd say, just not how he'd say it? I can't find a way to find out what bugs me, though T_T

[yuenoclow.livejournal.com]

*Snickers* You're not the only one who says things that so totally can be twisted around. Hell, most conversation can be turned into something perverted. Just takes talent, s'all. *smirk*

I think Naruto's IC. ...And it was amusing as hell. Oh, and that last line? Adore it! *squee!* Yes, Naruto, generally when people take a shower, they get naked to do it. *snickers*

[askerian]

Yeah, but usually when i say stuff like that, I MEAN it ;_; *has lost the right to call self a dirty-minded pervert*

♥ thank you~

[femme-cat.livejournal.com]

Heh. Love last line. Thank you for stating the obvious Naruto. ;)

[askerian]

He's good at that. :D glad you like! ^^

[artimusdin.livejournal.com]

<3 I love you. So very, very much.

[askerian]

*loves back*

[hiza-chan.livejournal.com]

very enticing. Naruto seems IC, and conversations with Kyuubi are always interesting to wake up to, and so are naked Sasuke's of course.

I dunno. I thought it was okay.

[askerian]

#^__^# thanks! Well,naruto's reactions are IC enough, it's just the words I use, they don't quite fit Naruto for some reason, I think; i just can't pinpoint it. ;_;

Oh well. u.u *finishes up second section~*

[sleepfighter.livejournal.com]

...the last line is brillant, though. Hee.

[askerian]

*^^* thanks!

[quickthorne.livejournal.com]

Aww, what did poor Naruto do to deserve such treatment? He seemed fine to me, by the way - no glaring mistakes.

I would have loved you forever if you had included that shower scene, but alas -- now I am forced to only love you lots instead. So there.

[askerian]

XD heh, thanks ^^

dude, I wish, but this is a narusasusaku thing, not a narusasu with added sakura flavor, and it would be WAY too easy to go overboard. T_T

[finnigan-geist.livejournal.com]

OH HO HO, SECOND TIDBIT.

Mrrrrr. Wet, naked boys making out is lovely, and I can't even really get mad at Sasuke for being pissy and ruining the moment, because, what the hell, if there's going to be getting-it-on in this series, I'm holding out for another round of threesome sex. I do think it's really hilarious that, even totally naked and looking just molested, Sasuke can still manage to mess things up and not have sex. Loser.

I don't know about the first bit being IC (I don't really see anything wrong?); it's short, and the second part feels very Naruto to me. I love his POV - or, at least, the way you write his POV.

In other news, it always makes me so, so happy when you update about this series. ♥ you, Asuka.

[askerian]

The getting on hopefully happens at the end of this chapter. XD Hopefully. Mrrr.

I do think it's really hilarious that, even totally naked and looking just molested, Sasuke can still manage to mess things up and not have sex. Loser.

*dies, yes* ♥ you back~ XD

[na-no-nai.livejournal.com]

... And now he was kissing back properly. Awesome how a good double hold on his butt changed things -- oh yeah...

*sighs happily* That mental image is niiiice. :3

First bit sounded fine to me.

The getting on hopefully happens at the end of this chapter.

Eeeeeee!!!! *does a happy dance and joins your harem*

[askerian]

fufufu. Glad you approve ^_______^

HOHOHO. I should start keeping track of who's in my harem... *pondering*

[salmastryon.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed this a lot. Made me giggle. As for the beginning, I didn't really see anything OOC, but maybe what is bothering you is the lazy, sleepy sorta serreal tone of it? NAruto is normally giant ball energy. So while he's not out of character maybe he feels off to you cause he's all sleepy?

[askerian]

guh. You're probably right! thank you, i'll try to change that and see if it fixes it. *squishloves*

[complexphoenix.livejournal.com]

Yes, water is a turn on, especially when it's on Sasuke XD

[askerian]

*leers*~

[windandwater.livejournal.com]

*here is some gratuitous Kyuubi!squee*
*squeeeeeeeee*

[askerian]

roarr. >:3

[miko-no-da.livejournal.com]

*purrs* I LOVE the interaction between these two the way you write it. Love love LOVE. ^____^

[askerian]

thank you~ ♥

[stripedpetunia.livejournal.com]

Second part > first, but the first still looks fine to me. Maybe when it's surrounded by the rest of the chapter it'll look better to you. Or you'll figure out how to fix it.

Mmmm, wet!Sasuke... at least Naruto got a little something out of it. :D

[askerian]

yeah, it's not a strong enough beginning. *sigh* I think salmastryon is right; he feels too lazy/sleepy or something. i'll change that later.

heh, yeah XD

[persepolis130.livejournal.com]

I really like it, and I'm glad to see more of this story! I love the characterization, and the premise of the whole thing is so original!

[askerian]

##^_______^## heh, thank you! but no, really, not so original. Naruto-in-heat is one of the fandom staples... XD Though maybe the combination of heat-baby-threesome... *snerk*

*laughing*

[proanon.livejournal.com]

You get major kudos for having Sasuke proceed to shove Naruto off and walk away. So many stories fall into the trap of 'the guy says he doesn't want it but melts and gives in the instant he gets kissed.' Grrrr. As a stand-offish and slightly touchy-about-being-touched introvert myself, I say this: "You don't want to push an introvert too far. We don't bark - ergo, we bite."

The shower scene characterization is great. The waking-up scene is a little... I don't know... low-key for Naruto. I'd see him as being very unhappy about that 'gutted females' flash - and probably pervy about the pink and blonde (blond? I can never remember which) foxes. Too early in the morning? That doesn't sound like something Naruto would think. Not to mention: "Sakura and Ino? *leer* *drool* Trade Sasuke for Ino? Like hell, furball."

Then again, last night was probably pretty emotionally draining for him, too. So maybe that's why he's so low-key. :-P

Oops.

[proanon.livejournal.com]

I forgot to mention this, but... you've got a slight continuity error in there. Namely, if Sasuke is glaring at Naruto through a glass shower door, how the heck did he manage to throw a bar of soap at him?

Re: Oops.

[askerian]

Heh. ^__^ yeah, it's sexy but not likely. (also naruto totally licked his seal. Sasuke doesn't really like that -- one, it's a reminder, and two, it's a bit too sensitive. ...no basis in canon at all for the second one, but it's hot, so oh well. :D)

The waking-up scene is a little... I don't know... low-key for Naruto.

doh. Yes, you're right. Though I did have a mental image of him as not being a morning person, but he should be a lot more groggy in that case. Besides I still need to slip in more references to the day before and everything.

As for the continuity thing, I kinda assumed he opened it and closed it again, just didn't say it. Will see if there's anywhere to slip that in.thank you for the help! ^__^

[muffytaj.livejournal.com]

Well I really like it! (eee, Kyuubi! Ehehe) *is too tired to think of anything smart to say, sadly*

[askerian]

hehe, it's alright ^__^ thanks, hon.

[hiza-chan.livejournal.com]

Oh God yum.

Yum, yum, yum, yum, YUM!

Heh. I like it. Naruto and Sasuke sure know how to get the morning off to a pleasant start! ^_^

*Giggle*