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Homestuck - Garden - pesterlog sidefic? preview? idk.
This is something that won't happen for possibly years in story-time.
Rose and Eridan's kismesis have a friendly little chat.
(btw Viscount Lawspear is a neighboring seadwelling lord near where the kids and trolls have settled and he's a huge speciesist asshole who's eyeing their colony sideways and prodding at their defenses atm. >__>)
Pairings are pale Rose/Eridan and caliginous Eridan/OC.
------
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering slitheringSailor [SS] --
TT: Greetings, Kal.
TT: And as I assume you shall promptly ask, I procured your screenname and truncated name from our mutual acquaintance, the delightful Eridan Ampora's chumproll. He has taken to addressing me as Roz; this will do for this conversation.
SS: ~~> who the fuck are you
TT: I will assume you and I were merely typing at the same time, and you have received your answer already.
SS: ~~> and !delightful! what now on which planet
TT: That one I'll willingly admit was a joke. Eridan can be quite trying to be around.
TT: Nevertheless his coming back from a little outing *silent* and refusing to even *vent* you might understand was quite a cause for concern, as it is rather unexpected behavior coming from him. He is not given to the discreet subtype of brooding.
SS: ~~> did he §§ic you on me!! what do you §§ink you're doing
SS: ~~> !!au§§pi§§ti§§izing?!!
SS: ~~> I don't even know you yet for fuck§§ §§ake have §§ome §§hame
TT: But you seem such a charming young man. I could not help myself. The silvery longing rising in my breast cannot be contained.
TT: I was given to understand your black flirtations were progressing rather satisfactorily. What happened?
SS: ~~> yeah not an§§wering that bye
-- slitheringSailor [SS] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT] ! --
-- slitheringSailor [SS] unblocked tentacleTherapist [TT] ! --
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering slitheringSailor [SS] --
SS: ~~> !!the fuck!!
TT: Thank you, TA.
TT: Please do not bother trying again, the result won't be any different the second time. Or the tenth, for that matter.
SS: ~~> I can log out fucker don't try me
TT: Yet I notice you are not. Allow me to theorize.
TT: You are also feeling quite baffled, and shall I even dare, displeased, at the rather abrupt negative turn your last encounter took. You would not mind having some light shed on that event, if only to lay your mind to rest.
SS: ~~> my mind i§§ !!fine!! okay! and I don't fucking care why §§at humanfucker up and left !!!!in the middle of a goddamn match!!!!
SS: ~~> who the fuck even !doe§§! that!
SS: ~~> fucking bulgetea§§e
TT: Hm.
TT: May I inquire about something?
TT: How did the "humanfucker" term come up? Are you merely using it now, as a random slur on par with "nooklicker" or perhaps "bulgeknot"? Or was it used during your latest date?
SS: ~~> I did call him §§at what the fuck doe§§ it matter
SS: ~~> we were talking politic§§ I was ek§§plaining vi§§count law§§pear'§§ poli§§ie§§ about human §§ettlement§§ then he get§§ all pi§§§§ed off
SS: ~~> I §§ought he wa§§
SS: ~~> why the fuck am I telling you
TT: Because you want to tell *someone* (may I theorize that your pale quadrant is currently empty?), and because despite yourself you hold the hope that I might yet fix this.
SS: ~~> are you a mind reader or what I didn't §§ink they came in purple§§ and up!!
SS: ~~> I'm §§o !!tired!! of fucking §§eadweller§§!
TT: Oh, it seems there was a misunderstanding, no doubt font-fueled. Be reassured; I am not a seadweller.
TT: The color does match my eyes, though.
TT: But let us continue.
SS: ~~> what are you a mutant or §§ome§§ing!
SS: ~~> you imper§§onating your better§§? haha wow the fucking nerve I'm almo§§t impre§§§§ed
TT: The lukewarmth of your almost-approval will keep me slightly above room temperature come next winter.
TT: The two of you are certainly well-matched.
TT: You thought he was?
SS: ~~> flirting? you know, agreeing with me but taking the oppo§§ite view becau§§e it'd pi§§§§ me off? he agreed about every§§ing el§§e! even when he didn't want to!! I could tell!
SS: ~~> a little town razing and §§uddenly he doe§§n't what the fuck
SS: ~~> it'§§ ju§§t human§§ who the fuck even care§§ he doe§§n't even like them either
TT: ... Now this is interesting.
TT: Are you saying Eridan got *upset* at the thought of slaughtering a villageful of humans of all ages from crone to wiggler and their repugnant incestuous sentient lusus ways?
SS: ~~> he §§eriou§§ly did
TT: Hm. :)
SS: ~~> !!what??!!
TT: Nothing. This is fascinating and quite unexpected.
TT: Pure curiosity now; would you actually go out and march with Viscount Lawspear's troops?
SS: ~~> fuck no why the hell would I want to help a fucking §§eadweller over a territory I'm not even in
SS: ~~> a human trie§§ to take over my part of the delta I'll get rid of them in a hot §§econd but I'm not giving law§§pear or anyone el§§e my allegian§§e
SS: ~~> I'm a loner tyvm and I'll §§tay that way
TT: Ah, you're all talk! Very good.
TT: I am sending you coordinates and a map. Eridan will be expecting you tomorrow.
SS: ~~> !!what???!!
SS: ~~> !!!all talk????!!!
SS: ~~> and why the fucking §§hit hell would I want to leave my hive and go after him??? I'm not the one who §§tormed out like I ju§§t
SS: ~~> killed hi§§ fucking lu§§u§§
SS: ~~> like I ju§§t hit him where I !!§§houldn't!! and how the fuck wa§§ I meant to know what the hell did I even §§ay
SS: ~~> it wa§§ like he didn't even hate me !platonic! anymore what the fuck happened!!
TT: Rest assured he does still want you, as much as he is likely attempting to convince himself otherwise right now.
TT: I heard quite enough about your mud frolicking and how mean your left hook is to be entirely convinced of that.
SS: ~~> oh
SS: ~~> like uh
SS: ~~> how much
TT: Let's leave it at the fact that I cannot unknow how disgustingly pleasant naked mudwrestling is or what oxygen deprivation due to silt in gills can do for an orgasm.
SS: ~~> fuck
TT: I'll say.
TT: It was quite illuminating.
SS: ~~> fuck fuck fuck
SS: ~~> you his !moirail! right?? not just §§ome hatefriend or whatever
TT: I do indeed seem to have this honor.
TT: Kal?
SS: ~~> it'§§ kalhai actually §§top cutting it off like that I hate it
TT: Very well. I shan't tread upon Mr. Ampora's darker privileges. You may continue not calling me Roz.
SS: ~~> yeah whatever
SS: ~~> §§ank§§ for the coordinate§§ I'm not gonna use btw
TT: If you do not leave the comfort of your pocket handkerchief of a territory and come to him, you will never know him. Never know what knot of nerves and tripwires and strings it is you just stepped in and *did not learn to play.*
TT: You will also miss quite a spectacular occasion to stoke the fire of your own hatred into a roaring inferno, I shall add.
TT: If your feelings endure the revelation, this shall be a kismesissitude for the ages.
TT: You are right to be afraid, Kalhai. This relationship will shake you to the core. But cowards are despicable things.
SS: ~~> fucking §§hit what do you §§ink you are troll Ca§§§§andra???
TT: :) Somewhat.
SS: ~~> or troll §§tephenie meyer more like
TT: Touché. I shall do my utmost to tone it down. All writing hereafter shall be entirely factual.
SS: ~~> yeah right
SS: ~~> §§hit having to be quadrant corner with !!you!! that'§§ not really an in§§entive
SS: ~~> I'm not a fucking coward I just don't §§ee why the fuck I have to come crawling to him when he was the one who ran off like a whiny little bitch in§§tead of hitting back
TT: I did not mean you should come crawling. In fact I suspect things will work out better if you come charging in and demand an explanation. Which you might not get, mind, but it should certainly produce much better results than allowing Eridan to realize that there are indeed occasions where you can be prompted into using kid gloves on him. You might have noticed his manipulative tendencies already.
SS: ~~> uh
SS: ~~> yeeeeeeeeeeeeah
SS: ~~> are you §§uppo§§ed to tell me that §§hit I mean you're hi§§ diamond
TT: As such, am I not supposed to make him a better person? :)
SS: ~~> yeah I gue§§§§
TT: Rewarding him for bad behavior would be counterproductive. Your black affections would be quite the prize in his eyes, and the upper hand moreso.
TT: Kalhai?
SS: ~~> yeah §§till here
SS: ~~> maybe I'll drop in
SS: ~~> if no§§ing el§§e come§§ up I mean but it better be fucking worth it
TT: Excellent.
TT: Oh... My matesprit just reminded me I still had one topic to broach before leaving you. A mere formality.
SS: ~~> !!what now!!
TT: If you thought Eridan was the most dangerous of the pair of us, and I the most conciliatory, you would be wrong.
TT: I have sunk quite a lot of time and effort into him and I will flay the flesh from your legs and leave you to the desert for the zombies and the sun to fight over shall I see it wasted.
TT: Until tomorrow, Kalhai Tirion of the Serpens.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering slitheringSailor [SS] --
SS: ~~> §§hit you're !!creepy!!
SS: ~~> if ampora wa§§n't §§uch a good fuck I §§wear
Rose and Eridan's kismesis have a friendly little chat.
(btw Viscount Lawspear is a neighboring seadwelling lord near where the kids and trolls have settled and he's a huge speciesist asshole who's eyeing their colony sideways and prodding at their defenses atm. >__>)
Pairings are pale Rose/Eridan and caliginous Eridan/OC.
------
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering slitheringSailor [SS] --
TT: Greetings, Kal.
TT: And as I assume you shall promptly ask, I procured your screenname and truncated name from our mutual acquaintance, the delightful Eridan Ampora's chumproll. He has taken to addressing me as Roz; this will do for this conversation.
SS: ~~> who the fuck are you
TT: I will assume you and I were merely typing at the same time, and you have received your answer already.
SS: ~~> and !delightful! what now on which planet
TT: That one I'll willingly admit was a joke. Eridan can be quite trying to be around.
TT: Nevertheless his coming back from a little outing *silent* and refusing to even *vent* you might understand was quite a cause for concern, as it is rather unexpected behavior coming from him. He is not given to the discreet subtype of brooding.
SS: ~~> did he §§ic you on me!! what do you §§ink you're doing
SS: ~~> !!au§§pi§§ti§§izing?!!
SS: ~~> I don't even know you yet for fuck§§ §§ake have §§ome §§hame
TT: But you seem such a charming young man. I could not help myself. The silvery longing rising in my breast cannot be contained.
TT: I was given to understand your black flirtations were progressing rather satisfactorily. What happened?
SS: ~~> yeah not an§§wering that bye
-- slitheringSailor [SS] blocked tentacleTherapist [TT] ! --
-- slitheringSailor [SS] unblocked tentacleTherapist [TT] ! --
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering slitheringSailor [SS] --
SS: ~~> !!the fuck!!
TT: Thank you, TA.
TT: Please do not bother trying again, the result won't be any different the second time. Or the tenth, for that matter.
SS: ~~> I can log out fucker don't try me
TT: Yet I notice you are not. Allow me to theorize.
TT: You are also feeling quite baffled, and shall I even dare, displeased, at the rather abrupt negative turn your last encounter took. You would not mind having some light shed on that event, if only to lay your mind to rest.
SS: ~~> my mind i§§ !!fine!! okay! and I don't fucking care why §§at humanfucker up and left !!!!in the middle of a goddamn match!!!!
SS: ~~> who the fuck even !doe§§! that!
SS: ~~> fucking bulgetea§§e
TT: Hm.
TT: May I inquire about something?
TT: How did the "humanfucker" term come up? Are you merely using it now, as a random slur on par with "nooklicker" or perhaps "bulgeknot"? Or was it used during your latest date?
SS: ~~> I did call him §§at what the fuck doe§§ it matter
SS: ~~> we were talking politic§§ I was ek§§plaining vi§§count law§§pear'§§ poli§§ie§§ about human §§ettlement§§ then he get§§ all pi§§§§ed off
SS: ~~> I §§ought he wa§§
SS: ~~> why the fuck am I telling you
TT: Because you want to tell *someone* (may I theorize that your pale quadrant is currently empty?), and because despite yourself you hold the hope that I might yet fix this.
SS: ~~> are you a mind reader or what I didn't §§ink they came in purple§§ and up!!
SS: ~~> I'm §§o !!tired!! of fucking §§eadweller§§!
TT: Oh, it seems there was a misunderstanding, no doubt font-fueled. Be reassured; I am not a seadweller.
TT: The color does match my eyes, though.
TT: But let us continue.
SS: ~~> what are you a mutant or §§ome§§ing!
SS: ~~> you imper§§onating your better§§? haha wow the fucking nerve I'm almo§§t impre§§§§ed
TT: The lukewarmth of your almost-approval will keep me slightly above room temperature come next winter.
TT: The two of you are certainly well-matched.
TT: You thought he was?
SS: ~~> flirting? you know, agreeing with me but taking the oppo§§ite view becau§§e it'd pi§§§§ me off? he agreed about every§§ing el§§e! even when he didn't want to!! I could tell!
SS: ~~> a little town razing and §§uddenly he doe§§n't what the fuck
SS: ~~> it'§§ ju§§t human§§ who the fuck even care§§ he doe§§n't even like them either
TT: ... Now this is interesting.
TT: Are you saying Eridan got *upset* at the thought of slaughtering a villageful of humans of all ages from crone to wiggler and their repugnant incestuous sentient lusus ways?
SS: ~~> he §§eriou§§ly did
TT: Hm. :)
SS: ~~> !!what??!!
TT: Nothing. This is fascinating and quite unexpected.
TT: Pure curiosity now; would you actually go out and march with Viscount Lawspear's troops?
SS: ~~> fuck no why the hell would I want to help a fucking §§eadweller over a territory I'm not even in
SS: ~~> a human trie§§ to take over my part of the delta I'll get rid of them in a hot §§econd but I'm not giving law§§pear or anyone el§§e my allegian§§e
SS: ~~> I'm a loner tyvm and I'll §§tay that way
TT: Ah, you're all talk! Very good.
TT: I am sending you coordinates and a map. Eridan will be expecting you tomorrow.
SS: ~~> !!what???!!
SS: ~~> !!!all talk????!!!
SS: ~~> and why the fucking §§hit hell would I want to leave my hive and go after him??? I'm not the one who §§tormed out like I ju§§t
SS: ~~> killed hi§§ fucking lu§§u§§
SS: ~~> like I ju§§t hit him where I !!§§houldn't!! and how the fuck wa§§ I meant to know what the hell did I even §§ay
SS: ~~> it wa§§ like he didn't even hate me !platonic! anymore what the fuck happened!!
TT: Rest assured he does still want you, as much as he is likely attempting to convince himself otherwise right now.
TT: I heard quite enough about your mud frolicking and how mean your left hook is to be entirely convinced of that.
SS: ~~> oh
SS: ~~> like uh
SS: ~~> how much
TT: Let's leave it at the fact that I cannot unknow how disgustingly pleasant naked mudwrestling is or what oxygen deprivation due to silt in gills can do for an orgasm.
SS: ~~> fuck
TT: I'll say.
TT: It was quite illuminating.
SS: ~~> fuck fuck fuck
SS: ~~> you his !moirail! right?? not just §§ome hatefriend or whatever
TT: I do indeed seem to have this honor.
TT: Kal?
SS: ~~> it'§§ kalhai actually §§top cutting it off like that I hate it
TT: Very well. I shan't tread upon Mr. Ampora's darker privileges. You may continue not calling me Roz.
SS: ~~> yeah whatever
SS: ~~> §§ank§§ for the coordinate§§ I'm not gonna use btw
TT: If you do not leave the comfort of your pocket handkerchief of a territory and come to him, you will never know him. Never know what knot of nerves and tripwires and strings it is you just stepped in and *did not learn to play.*
TT: You will also miss quite a spectacular occasion to stoke the fire of your own hatred into a roaring inferno, I shall add.
TT: If your feelings endure the revelation, this shall be a kismesissitude for the ages.
TT: You are right to be afraid, Kalhai. This relationship will shake you to the core. But cowards are despicable things.
SS: ~~> fucking §§hit what do you §§ink you are troll Ca§§§§andra???
TT: :) Somewhat.
SS: ~~> or troll §§tephenie meyer more like
TT: Touché. I shall do my utmost to tone it down. All writing hereafter shall be entirely factual.
SS: ~~> yeah right
SS: ~~> §§hit having to be quadrant corner with !!you!! that'§§ not really an in§§entive
SS: ~~> I'm not a fucking coward I just don't §§ee why the fuck I have to come crawling to him when he was the one who ran off like a whiny little bitch in§§tead of hitting back
TT: I did not mean you should come crawling. In fact I suspect things will work out better if you come charging in and demand an explanation. Which you might not get, mind, but it should certainly produce much better results than allowing Eridan to realize that there are indeed occasions where you can be prompted into using kid gloves on him. You might have noticed his manipulative tendencies already.
SS: ~~> uh
SS: ~~> yeeeeeeeeeeeeah
SS: ~~> are you §§uppo§§ed to tell me that §§hit I mean you're hi§§ diamond
TT: As such, am I not supposed to make him a better person? :)
SS: ~~> yeah I gue§§§§
TT: Rewarding him for bad behavior would be counterproductive. Your black affections would be quite the prize in his eyes, and the upper hand moreso.
TT: Kalhai?
SS: ~~> yeah §§till here
SS: ~~> maybe I'll drop in
SS: ~~> if no§§ing el§§e come§§ up I mean but it better be fucking worth it
TT: Excellent.
TT: Oh... My matesprit just reminded me I still had one topic to broach before leaving you. A mere formality.
SS: ~~> !!what now!!
TT: If you thought Eridan was the most dangerous of the pair of us, and I the most conciliatory, you would be wrong.
TT: I have sunk quite a lot of time and effort into him and I will flay the flesh from your legs and leave you to the desert for the zombies and the sun to fight over shall I see it wasted.
TT: Until tomorrow, Kalhai Tirion of the Serpens.
-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering slitheringSailor [SS] --
SS: ~~> §§hit you're !!creepy!!
SS: ~~> if ampora wa§§n't §§uch a good fuck I §§wear