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oh hey, i'm using my journal like a journal today.
Was reading back through my journal a bit. I really have this tendency to humorous histrionics in my posts, huh. Also, uppercases. Funny because IRL while I can get babbly and enthusiastic sometimes, and then again only with specific people, most of the time I'm really introverted.
Saw the puppies yesterday. They're getting huge (some of them look like little bears, if I didn't know better I'd assume they're leonbergs or newfoundland dogs) and man but their poop stinks. Also they'ver discovered the awesome game that is "latch on people's shoelaces and watch them flail."
Also yesterday, learned my maternal grandfather has lung cancer and they're removing said lung. (I don't know if it's the left or right one.) Went on the internet right now and did research about operation/survival rates/treatment/expectations and they're not too bad, considering he's 75 year old and at this age every major operation is a bigger risk and besides any risk is too big when it's your loved one and not a statistic. I'm still not sure how I feel about it/him (we... like and care about each other, I suppose, but aren't very close because he's a reserved man and I'm... what I am, which we won't go into right now), though I do know how I feel about my mother's reaction, and that is "stop pretending to smile and erasing yourself and let me hug you". She sobbed once when she told us, her voice broke once, and by the time I had walked around the table and was reaching out to her she was already talking about what we'd have for dinner again.
My mother is a master at putting up that "I'm not important, don't pay attention to me" deflection field, and for all my years of being her daughter I can't figure out how to get through it.
Saw the puppies yesterday. They're getting huge (some of them look like little bears, if I didn't know better I'd assume they're leonbergs or newfoundland dogs) and man but their poop stinks. Also they'ver discovered the awesome game that is "latch on people's shoelaces and watch them flail."
Also yesterday, learned my maternal grandfather has lung cancer and they're removing said lung. (I don't know if it's the left or right one.) Went on the internet right now and did research about operation/survival rates/treatment/expectations and they're not too bad, considering he's 75 year old and at this age every major operation is a bigger risk and besides any risk is too big when it's your loved one and not a statistic. I'm still not sure how I feel about it/him (we... like and care about each other, I suppose, but aren't very close because he's a reserved man and I'm... what I am, which we won't go into right now), though I do know how I feel about my mother's reaction, and that is "stop pretending to smile and erasing yourself and let me hug you". She sobbed once when she told us, her voice broke once, and by the time I had walked around the table and was reaching out to her she was already talking about what we'd have for dinner again.
My mother is a master at putting up that "I'm not important, don't pay attention to me" deflection field, and for all my years of being her daughter I can't figure out how to get through it.
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