askerian | Teamwork - chapter 9 part 1

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Teamwork - chapter 9 part 1

Previous part is on FFnet, i'm too lazy to link back to the one on eljay. *is bad asuka* Just hit the tags or something. >___>;;

And, I just realized my bitching about what I don't like about I just wrote tends to spoil people and/or give them a bias coming in that they might not have had otherwise, so if you want to see the bitching/crit-begging, highlight the gray bar, and if not then just ignore it.
Okay, this one part = DILEMMA. On one hand, as a rule Naruto is optimistic and bounces back fast.

On the other hand, it's not everyday he stabs a cute kid through the guts à la pinned butterfly and bites Sakura to the point he cracks her forearm in the middle of a rape attempt and then proceeds to threaten Sasuke with also-rape and face-eating, because that shit cake totally needed a rotting apple core on top.

First Tifa and now Naruto, I'm so saturated with guilting characters it's coming out of my ears aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarhhh. DX So, I can't judge whether it's too much or not. I wouldn't be adverse to suggestions à la "this sentence isn't exactly necessary and might even be kind of overkill, you could totally trim it out!" My word count would cry, but.

None of them would hand him a mirror, and strangely enough the one in the bathroom attached to his and Sasuke's hospital room had recently had a little accident; but he had slept all night and most of the next day, and by next evening, with darkness as a backdrop, the windowpane reflected enough for his purposes.

The seal was faded out again. He was alone in his mind. (He'd made sure. Triple-sure.) He hadn't been using chakra today. He wasn't angry. (Just exhausted.)

His eyes were blue again -- their normal shade as far as he could tell, not that he could be sure without a real mirror.

His pupils stayed cat-slices.

Wordlessly, Sasuke stalked his way around Naruto's bed, closed the blinds with a loud snap. Naruto looked down at his hands instead.

At least Sasuke didn't... well. There was a reason Naruto had waited until Sakura left the room before he dragged himself to the edge of his bed to check. Every time she met his eyes, she ... twitched. Sasuke at least didn't seem to notice. Or care, either or.

Sasuke was limping, back mended but still stiff; all muscle and ligament tears were healed, though the scar tissue was still frail, but they hadn't bothered with the soreness and bruises. Likely Sasuke hadn't asked. 'A real ninja needs to know how to function through discomfort and pain', or something.

"We can turn off the ceiling light," Sasuke said. His voice was completely neutral. That was strange.

Naruto realized he'd been rubbing his eyes again and dropped his hand. He swung his legs back on his mattress, pushed himself up to press his back to the headboard. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt."

It didn't. Just felt a little tight for a couple of seconds when lights switched on or off. The doctor had said his eyes were working fine.

He hadn't said anything about how likely the pupils were to go back to their normal shape. Whatever. Naruto wasn't blind, so it didn't matter.

Naruto was a murderer.

Naruto was a murderer who couldn't even manage to murder the right person, the evil one. He killed children.

He stared down at his hands again. Got the nail clipper. He'd already trimmed them earlier -- the claws had retracted, but his nails had still been a bit too pointy.

They still were. Clip, clip. Ow. Bit too short there; it stung. He kept going on to the other nails, painstakingly.

"You've got debriefing in twenty-five minutes," Sasuke said, not really looking at him.

Naruto grunted an acknowledgement. It was something they both knew.

Seemed like Sasuke wanted him to talk. Naruto didn't want to. He'd kind of assumed Sasuke didn't want to talk either; he hadn't said a word since Naruto woke up, probably longer than that.

Itachi. Of course. Naruto remembered the man being there, and he should have reacted more because he hated Itachi on principle, but none of his reasons why were as immediate as Gaara's limp body thrown over a big blue shoulder all casual-like.

Naruto wanted... he didn't know. To ask Sasuke if he was okay. (Sasuke wasn't.) Ask what had happened (while Naruto was busy going crazy, trying to cancel his innocent-murder with an evil-person-murder, as if two wrongs had ever made a right), ask if there was anything Naruto could do, maybe. (Sasuke would say no, and then Naruto would sit on him and make him... and say...)

Naruto was a murderer of children.

"Fucking stop it with that nail clipper!"

Naruto blinked as Sasuke backhanded it out of his hand. He was standing by Naruto's bed now, looming. Naruto wasn't sure where the anger was coming from.

Sasuke probably expected a 'what did you do that for' but it was pretty obvious why. Naruto looked away. "I don't want to fight."

"I don't give a shit what you want! You're getting on my nerves."

He felt a twinge of -- anger? Offense? It reminded him a little of forbidding Sasuke to challenge him because if Sasuke tried, he would hurt him for real. No play-fighting, no equal grounds. Just 'how dare you, bitch.' He squeezed his eyes closed and turned his head away, stuffing the feeling away.

There was silence for a little while, Sasuke's stare heavy.

"Just -- be normal already. I--"

He turned his back then, shoulders just a little hunched. Naruto could almost hear the words he'd wanted to say. 'I need you to be normal.'

"...Sorry." He rubbed his eyes again. They burned. The light maybe. Yeah.

Shit.

"Sorry."

"Shut up," Sasuke replied, back still turned. Now he sounded exhausted.

Naruto made a little noise of acknowledgement, because Sasuke didn't really want him to shut up, there were just things he didn't want to hear.

Just seemed like anything he could have said fell into that category, so never mind.

"Man, you look like somebody just died!"

Naruto's head jerked up. There was a guy in the doorway, sitting in a wheelchair. Dark skin, moss-green hair. Naruto stared at him for a couple of seconds before he remembered where he knew him from. Right -- one of the members of the Grass Country summoner team. The guy was grinning wide, staring straight at Naruto with his weird yellow eyes.

He didn't have fangs, but it still felt like his grin was full of them. Naruto couldn't even pretend it was a friendly expression if he tried.

"Kon. What the hell are you doing here?" Sasuke asked, puzzled, kind of wary.

"Oh, I was just wheeling by. Lots of time to do that now. What with, you know, only having one teammate left to visit me anyway."

Rage thrummed under each flippant word. It took Naruto a moment to really understand the meaning.

"... One of your teammates...?"

"The other guy didn't make it," Sasuke said, tone clipped. Naruto stared at his profile, but Sasuke refused to turn and look at him. If he knew that, why hadn't he told Naruto so?

... Then again, when? Naruto hadn't really had a discussion with anyone since the moment he awoke, apart from the doctor coming to check on him.

So the big guy was dead. The one who'd brushed against him mid-battle, and Naruto had woken up to Sakura's blood in his mouth and a kid pinned to the ground like a butterfly. "... Ah. I'm sorry," he said dutifully, by rote. He didn't know what to feel. It... kind of sucked? But if the guy hadn't done that to Naruto in the first place then nothing would have --

"You killed him, you know."

Naruto stared at him blankly. His "I...What?" was drowned by Sasuke's "What the fuck? No he didn't."

"He kind of did, too."

Sasuke moved closer to the wheelchair, eyes narrow and jaw clenched. "Are you sure you should be out of your room? You're confused. Take any drugs today?"

"Not at all." The green-haired boy grinned again, though it was all in the teeth, nothing in the eyes. He looked at Naruto again. "No, see, you aimed for me."

He tugged open his shirt. His whole chest was encased in bandages, but the edges of raw, ugly scars stretches up to his collarbone and down over his hip, and that was a pretty clear preview of what else was hidden under there, how deep it must have gone.

"Tried to kill me -- slash, show me your guts. Damn near succeeded. Maneki drained himself to save me, and then he didn't have enough juice left to save himself."

Naruto realized he could remember it, with that face in front of him and those words in his ear. Blood, exposed ribs shining ivory in the middle of flayed flesh. So fun, and just what the stupid monkey deserved. Bile rose in his throat.

"He was unlucky," Sasuke retorted in a clipped tone. "That can happen to anyone."

Kon's golden eyes flashed, handsome face going ugly with raw hate. "Not to Maneki it can't."

Suddenly Sasuke's back was blocking Naruto's whole field of vision. "You attacked us first," he said. "None of you can bitch about the consequences."

Kon moved his wheelchair inside the room and to the side so he could meet Naruto's eyes again, and let out a short, barking laugh. "Yeah? Ask me if I give a fuck."

"Your teammate died on you because we were ambushed while we were out of chakra, injured and outnumbered. Why don't you go after the guys who ambushed us when we were escaping -- the ones who actually killed him?"

"We shouldn't have lost to them, we shouldn't have been running away in the first place! And now Maneki is dead," he snarled to Naruto, not even bothering to acknowledge Sasuke anymore. "He was mine and he's dead. Trying to protect us from a monster. I'm not going to let that go."

Sasuke's hands landed on the arms of the wheelchair with jarring force, and he jerked it around to force the boy to face him.

"You think going after Naruto for revenge will change anything? You think -- what, that he'll be less dead then?"

... Sounded almost like he was trying to warn Kon that revenge wouldn't bring him anything good. It was almost funny how ironic that was, coming out of Sasuke's mouth. Naruto chuckled, he couldn't help it.

"You're laughing, you fucking monster," said Kon in disbelief, and his voice came out mingled with hate and something that was almost like admiration.

"You're really messed up, you know," Naruto said, before he could hold the words back. He should have explained he hadn't been laughing at Kon's pain or his desire for revenge, but it had slipped out before the automatic 'sorry'.

"Funny, I never used to be messed up before my teammate died on me."

His teammate. The brief moment of off-beat, twisted amusement died right there. What would it be like to lose one of his teammates? He couldn't get angry at that guy for lashing out, he couldn't say either 'I didn't' or 'I'm sorry'.

It was okay if that guy accused him of murder. One more, one less...

"If you start anything now," Sasuke said, "you'll drag your last teammate into it as well. You okay with getting her killed too?"

Kon chuckled again, though the sneer on his lips made it come out weird. "Careful now, that sounds almost like you're threatening her or something."

"You go for my teammate and I'll go for yours," Sasuke replied, rage barely restrained, all uncaring concealment gone. Fine tremors were running up his arms, tendons jutting out, fingers clenched white-knuckled.

Naruto swallowed. It hurt to hear the anger bare in Sasuke's voice for all to notice. Something that shouldn't have been shown, something that he wouldn't have shown if Itachi wasn't... wasn't so close and making everything so blown-open and raw. Any other time Sasuke would have shown an enemy nothing but cold contempt, and Naruto hated it.

He snatched Sasuke's sleeve. Opened his mouth, to tell him to stand back, stop shielding Naruto when he was hurting too. It was okay. He didn't care if Kon threw insults and threats at his face. He should have but he couldn't even really feel it, it was too much.

"Yeah, that's not something that will ever happen," Kon said, before he could speak. He was looking at Sasuke now, and he was smiling, satisfied. Playful. Cruel. A Kyuubi-face. "Lie about it as much as you want, but you? You're honorable." He said it like an insult, a fatal flaw. "Cold blood? You couldn't."

"Maybe he couldn't," Sakura said in something that was almost a conversational tone. She stopped in the doorway, feet set apart solid and ready. "But I could. And I wouldn't come from the front."

Sakura's left arm was in a cast. They'd had to break and set it again. The cast didn't make her total absence of expression and the coldness of her eyes less convincing.

It made Naruto sick to see her like that. It was all wrong. She was supposed to rage for silly things and then go right back to laughing, and to be a bit smug and temperamental and teasing, and -- and to just be Sakura-chan. She wasn't supposed to be cold-blooded.

"You gave your message. Now leave."

She stepped back to free the way. Kon gave her a long weighing look, and then slowly went, pushing himself back in the corridor. Sakura stepped in the room with her face still frozen, and closed the door slowly, precisely.

Naruto would have preferred her to slam it.

He leaned back down against the headboard, gazing down as Sasuke turned on his heel and stalked to the window. The blinds were still down; Naruto didn't know what he was looking at. He didn't say anything about it. He didn't want to look at anyone else either.

The thing was, he couldn't even manage to mind that Kon considered him a murderer. After what Naruto had done, had allowed to be done, to that kid, that was only what he deserved.

Sakura put down a package she'd been carrying in the crook of her cast on the table, spent a few seconds fussing with it. "... Ino left food for us at the nurse station."

"Ino?" Sasuke asked reluctantly. "I didn't know she was around."

Sakura shrugged, like she hadn't known either, like she didn't really care. Her face was still disturbingly blank. Naruto's eyes slid away.

Sakura had been called out earlier because of the care package, but that wasn't the reason she had gone at all; she'd have asked Kakashi to get it later on if that was all. But now Naruto couldn't make himself ask. The fact that she hadn't told him what she'd found out on her own, right away... It said everything.

"I don't get it," he commented. "Sasuke tried to save them, but..."

Sasuke snorted quietly, arms crossed, face still turned toward the blank window. "Yeah. They'll never forgive me for that."

The conversation died again. He'd hoped Sakura would pick it up and go with it, but she kept fiddling with the little boxes inside Ino's package, lining them up by length and then by width or some other criteria he didn't get.

"He's still in the critical ward," she said, staring down at the boxes. "Status unchanged. That's all I could find out."

Status unchanged meant still dying, just apparently taking his time about it.

Naruto wanted to think it meant the little redhead was going to beat the odds and survive, but the doctor's face when he asked how likely that was...

He hadn't asked again after that.

"...Thanks, Sakura-chan."

Kakashi was going to be there any minute to escort him to the debriefing, so he slipped off his bed and went to splash some water on his face.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Liked the whole bordering on OCD behavior with the nail clippers. It showed how upset he wsa with himself without over doing it. And love your Sakura, didnt like her character until reading Teamwork.

♥ thank you! ^__^ I'm glad you like the nail-clipper thing. Weirdest self-harm/punishment ever. XDD (okay probably not, but it was... interesting to come up with. oww oww oww.)

I agree with the above comment; the nail clippers gave my shivers. Still are, actually. *protects fingers* DX

Naruto didn't seem too guilt ridden to me, but then I tend to like things over-the-top. Still, it seemed the right amount of dwelling, etc. considering the circumstances and the fact that it's Naruto. And Sasuke getting pissed/awkward seems very IC to me.

Also: "But I could. And I wouldn't come from the front." I love your Sakura. :3

And.... well, honestly, you're my favorite Naruto author. I kind of consider your fics canon. So. ♥

#.___.# aw, thank you, hon! ♥ I'm glad you think it's not too much. I've been fretting about it for a while now. Mergh. I like to break and bend him a little (mmm cat-pupil eyes), but I'll be so glad when he bounces back.

(yeah, i caught myself curling my fingers a couple times as I was writing it. Ninjas have weirdly high pain tolerance levels! Ouch, damn it. DX)

I FORGOT TO DROOL OVER THE CAT-PUPILS!

*drools extra to make up for it* XDD

yay drool!

... i mean

... >__>;; yeah.

(also, eeeeee that picture of curseseal!sasuke SO SEXY *_*)

Ha, I uploaded a bunch of new icons recently and I've been showing them off. :3

(But, YES, he isssss. AHHH~ ^__^)

Naruto's emotional maelstrom is teh awesome!

Seriously, I love the guy's ability to beat himself up, and it's much more satisfying to my literate self to read it than try to interpret his sad!face in the manga. And you keep him so marvelously IC, while adding your personal touch to his interpretation..

Team dynamics are captivating, with all the tension and strained affection (it's endlessly reassuring to know there is a happy ending, and even kyuubi gets back in favor), just the kind of violent jerk into the smooth flow of a relationship that makes or breaks the "after". Your emotional portrayals are love, did I mention that?

Sasuke being vulnerable while Sakura gets tough and Naruto feels numb... is this a way to even out their emotional input, as partners? As in, working towards a more balanced relationship by shock-therapy of exterior origins? (i suck at self-expression, huh?)

Sorry for the utter lack of concrit, it's not my forte. So I just go with offerings of love.

Re-read this just after posting and I guess it sounds like I support some sort of emo-Naruto vision that's been sweeping the fandom. I don't. It's just that his character is interesting for being able to bounce back from highly painful experiences, and managing to keep his personality upbeat while living a stressful life in a violent world.
So no, it doesn't seem to me like you made him stress out too much, it would be kind of ooc for him to worry less over this. And it'll be awesome to see him regain self-confidence. Just like he does in the manga. Except maybe a tad less clicheistically shounen.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ T^T thank you! haha, i'm braindead with lack of sleep so i don't know what else to say. .__. thank you thank you.

Oh, the emotional rollercoaster. Mmmh. It's so much ~~evil~~ fun to write. I'm glad you appreciate it.

Sasuke being vulnerable while Sakura gets tough and Naruto feels numb... is this a way to even out their emotional input, as partners? As in, working towards a more balanced relationship by shock-therapy of exterior origins?
Hehehehe. I hadn't put it in those words. It's interesting from this angle.

Am currently braindead, but I really liked this. Um. Naruto needs a hug. And lots of ramen. The way he accepts the blame for a "murder" that wasn't really his fault because he's already blaming himself for something else was -- powerful. And right now, I wouldn't be very sad if Kon got his facce ripped off.

As a side note, I had a moment of mad, mad glee at Sakura's socipathic side showing through.

*hugglelovepets* u.u

Haha, Kon's a dickhead and has always been. He's really nice to look at, though. 9__9

♥ I love roarr!Sakura. *__*

Oooh, sakura is gonna smack a bitch... anyways, it all reads out pretty well to me though there is an area that simply seems.. skippy. During the nail clipper scene, it randomly bursts out that that naruto is a murderer. It seems a little.. random. Maybe you could smooth it abit? *didnt read under the grey, so doesn't know if you know this already*

Ahh, I think what i was trying to have come across was that even when naruto is trying to think of other stuff, his thoughts keep skipping back to that very stark, very short point -- he's a murderer. So the other stuff doesn't matter, because naruto is a murderer. I just didn't bother with the "because". XD;;

Anyway, so it's meant to come across as skippy, but there's a difference between "oh the author wanted it skippy, i understand the effect" and "okay did she forget a sentence there or what", so I'll make sure to pay attention to this part when I do revisions. I just need to leave the text alone for a while because I can't separate from it right now. Thank you for the help. ^^

Awesome, more Teamwork!

it's been known to happen from time to time. XD

Me, I like what you did with Kon.

He's not rational - at all - but who the hell would be?

Blaming it all on Naruto is convenient, and even probably healthier than his other option, which would be turning it inward (if I hadn't been cut up, Maneki wouldn't have needed to - etcetera).

Man, though, talk about the rollercosters. Angst, blood and death, then ending on a funny note with Sasuke's accidental groping, then back to angst and rage and... ew, nailclippers. Pick one and stick with it, whydontcha! (Not angst, plz.)

-- Guile

I'm glad to hear that! ^__^ I didn't want to make an OC who'd be a dick just to be a dick, so I'm glad the reasoning he goes through (such as it is >__>;; ) makes sense. (he's really not the sort to blame himself anyway. *snerk*)

Alas, some more angst to complete this chapter... and then I have an Ino-pov interlude and i love it so hardcore bwee bwee. And after that, things should be back to normal-ish re: angst/humor levels. *crosses finger*

Ehh, not too much emoing.

Hopefully he'll get over it. Not as if it was all his fault after all.

Glad you think so. ^^ And yeah, it's not, but he still thinks he should have controlled Kyuubi or something. *snort* they'll pound that idea out of his head eventually.

You know I've never read a single Teamwork chapter before this but now I want to read the rest. If I get time, I will, but otherwise I want you to know that while I'm not exactly sure what happened last chapter, this chapter was very good and I loved the way guilty-Naruto was portrayed.

Yay! (but, it's rarely so angsty. >__>;; Fair warning. Okay the last chapters have been high on evil, but it's not always like that.)

Last chapter, Kyuubi took control and almost raped Sakura and then impaled a kid through the stomach with his own weapon. Naruto woke up as he was straddling the kid about to finish off, while Sakura stared at him in horror with her arm bleeding from where he'd bitten her and given her a nice hairline fracture. He's still kinda shocky about it all. XD;;

Aww Naruto! I agree clipping nails = successful emo-ing device. It's brilliant.
And he's expected to feel angsty, don't worry. You build up to it in previous scenes, when his teammates wondered how he would react, were he to wake up and see he'd killed people, or how angry he would be if they didn't kill him themselves and let him go on a rampage instead. This helped them make decisions and take risks.

I like Sakura here. She makes me think she wouldn't blame Naruto even if their child had somehow been damaged (But that was an example, let's leave that scenario to soap operas).

"You go for my teammate and I'll go for yours" --> I'm starting to get used not to expect words from him to know he cares, so whenever that happens it's still unexpected. XD Eeeeh!!!
And that was just an indirect statement. When he actually asked Naruto to be normal again --ok, I amost welled up with trears alongside. ;_;

This protective stepping in front of Naruto reminds me of how Sasuke wanted to defend him at dinner with Sakura's parents.*__* When Naruto was confronted for bearing a demon again, and Sasuke was all, *squeeze to thigh* and *angry glaring/clipped words* but unable to do much more than support him silently, because he wasn't welcome to take part in the conversation.

<3333

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ T^T thank you so much, hon.

oh, sakura so wouldn't, she doesn't blame him for the arm or the creepiness either. Kyuubi and Naruto look very different when they use the body and she trusts Naruto would have done everything he could to stop it if he knew what was going on, so for her it's not even really a question. ♥ Also from the start there was a risk the kid wouldn't be normal, so she's expecting it. ... thinking about that, I need to mention baby thoughts more often. Sometimes I almost forget about it. *easily distracted asuka strikes again!* Way too many plot threads in this fic. DX

It's crazy how I need to bring Sasuke to the breaking point for him to show he cares, huh. Little bastard. *writing some more at the moment...* ooohohoho. >.>

And, because I loev you~ stuff from the ino interlude that's coming up after this chapter hur hur hur.

"Shoes off, Sasuke-kun, or it'll be sand in your underwear," Ino sang playfully, giving Sasuke an encouraging smile.

"I'd like to see you try," he snapped.

--ahaha. Damn it. How come her special kunoichi techniques to defuse aggressiveness never worked on him? Come to think of it, no kunoichi technique ever worked on mister Uchiha. Sakura was deluding herself, the boy was gayer than a spring festival.

"I'd like to see you try," he snapped.

Aw Sasuke and his jokes-from-girls intollerance haha♥ XD

;_____________;

aw, there there. *pets*

lol. i think you need to have naruto ask, what EXACTLY did I do? and have sasuke or sakura or tsunade run through it for clarity (though probably you were planning on this during the debriefing)

The debriefing is more about "what do you remember doing", they don't want to skew his answers. (also i'm not going to write it because it would just be bringing up more stuff we already know and watching naruto angst. XD) And right now he's not asking about what really happened because he's scared of what he'll hear. he's got a pretty good idea already. But i've already got the scene where he gets sorta back to normal written, i just need to complete this chapter first and it's only missing a shortish sakura POV scene.

oooh, so more soon then, right? >.>

:)

AWWWWWWWWW. I'M SUPER EMO NOW. D: AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IT'S YOUR FAULT.

Ok lol, I'm not that mean. This is pretty good, because of all of Naruto's guilt and whatnot. It seems like what they'll do. I can imagine Sakura going cold and Sasuke going hot with rage. Very nicely done!

Awwwww. *petpetpet* The angst won't last forever! Just until. uh. ... okay, i still have two scenes left in this chapter, and then the interlude, and then yays again. .__.;;

*feels a little bad for springing such intense angst on people outta nowhere* XDDD

Personally, I think you've reached a good balance here. There's a certain amount of... not exactly numbness that comes across, because Naruto is very much feeling guilty and his actions scream of it. But That's were the balance is. Naruto isn't brooding here. He's not crying or trying to convince the people around him he's in need of punishment (which is how many people would be reacting in this situation. Others would still be in shock, probably.)

But Naruto's actions are saying it all. That all the mirrors had to be taken away (implying that he went looking for them), that he went to the window first chance it would work to show him his reflection--this shows a low-grade obsession with the need to know if he's "safe" (safe to be around, rather than feeling safe himself). Going along with this of course was the line

The seal was faded out again. He was alone in his mind. (He'd made sure. Triple-sure.) He hadn't been using chakra today. He wasn't angry. (Just exhausted.)

He looked at the seal. That wasn't enough. He had to check and re-check and check again. But that still wasn't enough, so he made sure not to use chakra. He's been trimming his nails over and over again, and at this point, even though his own internal thoughts are that his nails are still too pointy, he's established himself as an Unreliable Narrator right now. Your pacing was perfect here for this and showing that obsessive behavior again with the nails. They might not be sharp at all at the moment, but that does't matter. He sees himself as dangerous, and wants to remove that danger to those around him, even if he hurts himself to do it.

He's worried and obsessing because, at the moment, he can't do anything else. In a way, I can see some of the grieving process at work in this. The guilt is obviously for the way he hurt the other genin (whom he already refers to as dead, even though Sakura confirms he's actually not yet) the way he failed to kill Kisame, and the way he not only failed to protect his teammates, but actually harmed them himself. Yes, these are obvious places to place his feelings of guilt. But there is also an unstated undercurrent of anger in the descriptions over the effect the events have had on Sasuke and Sakura (it's really interesting the way it seems Sasuke and Sakura have traded outward personality here... Sasuke's so angry he's shaking with it while Sakura's cold as a blade against the jugular). The anger doesn't seem to really take hold, the depression is weighing him down too much--he can't bring himself to care about the things he thinks he should care about.

One of the things that keeps in mind while reading this is that they are ninja. They've been trained not just in killing, but in being able to keep moving when everything goes pear-shaped. The debriefing that bookends this part helps reinforce that idea and give some implication that Naruto is simply not giving in to everything yet because he's not allowed. He's not allowed, right at this moment, to give in the the full and healthy reactions of what he's feeling. He doesn't have the time to scream, cry and rage, the way Sasuke was finally able to do when he burned down his house. It isn't safe, and there is still a job to do. (and as far as the Anger stage is concerned, Naruto would probably be afraid to let himself feel it, for the obvious reasons).

Ok, that was a little long, but in short I think you've balanced the guilt and depression Naruto is/should be feeling perfectly. He's feeling really low, and that's a perfectly human and natural reaction to what's happened to him. Naruto has shown in the manga that he is capable of huge depths of feeling, and while he's well known for his compassion, love and joy, it also means that his capacity for sorrow, anger and guilt are just as deep. I think you're doing great with this one, and I really have no recommendations for changing anything. The pacing, the word choice, the turns of phrase, all of them here are painting a very vivid picture of Naruto's mental state without coming out and saying it all. A very good example of the 'show, don't tell' mode of writing.

:)

i'm so sorry I didn't answer sooner T___T this is an awesomely awesome comment and i dont deserve its magnificence. *loves on* i'm so glad you thought about it so deeply, hon. ♥♥♥♥♥♥

^_^ No problem. I was a Literature major in college, so when people ask for criticism or analysis on writing I kind of fall back into the mode of read-once-for-pleasure, read-again-for-content, read-3rd-time-for-analysis. It's a lot of fun, but takes a while and since not all writers actually want that kind of thing I don't usually bother investing the time. So I'm glad I got to with this one. ^_^;

I like how he's legitimately angsty - it really wouldn't feel right if he'd just brushed off all the awful things Kyuubi did, because that's not how he rolls. The way I see it, he doesn't angst as much in canon because his immediate reaction is "I'm gonna make this better! Believe it!" but in this case, there's not much fixing via hard work and guts he can do, poor fella.

Thank you. ^__^ That was sort of my reasoning for how hard he's taking it -- nothing he can do can fix what happened, and he might even make it worse because neither of the kid's teammates are going to want to see his face, and well, we kinda had precedent with Jiraiya's death where he just went all listless and depressed, but even then it wasn't his responsibility. I'm really glad it works for other people too. ♥

Lurker fan thing! But I really had to comment on this. It was so well written. Naruto's emotions here, I really appreciate them because they're true to his character. What I mean is, I can see him doing this if a similar situation happened. And your Sasuke is so multi-layered. Heck, everyone is, but Sasuke stands out most for me.

And I love Sakura. She is vicious and protective *love loves*. Really, I've hardly encounters fics where she's in the running for favorite character (the threesome are equal in fav ranking, every time I say yes I love you the other two gut punch me in turn to make me reconsider). I also enjoyed Kon. His active hate is great and bitter. I'm always glad to see someone who hates the characters for a reason, not just twirling mustache crazy. And I feel sympathy for him, too. And yet I'm all with Sakura and the 'get you from behind'.

And I think I was so sad for Naruto and everyone that my brain was grasping for something to smile at, so the line where Kisame's described as slinging Gaara casually over his shoulder just made me think of Kisame and Itachi on a GQ cover. All slicked up with floppy tailed beast holders slung like blazers over their crisp button down shirts.

Anyways, this is frankly one of the best Naruto fics I've ever read. Hands down <3.

T^T ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ i'm so glad you love the trio like that, you have no idea. And Kon! Bwee. *feels like a proud mama* *...of a homicidal, slightly deranged, irrationally hateful summoner yes okay why not*

And I think I was so sad for Naruto and everyone that my brain was grasping for something to smile at, so the line where Kisame's described as slinging Gaara casually over his shoulder just made me think of Kisame and Itachi on a GQ cover. All slicked up with floppy tailed beast holders slung like blazers over their crisp button down shirts.
... pfffffffhahahahahaha. I CAN SEE IT TOO NOW. XD XD XD this is just so wrong.

♥♥♥

Oh, Naruto... this is not a happy point in his relationship with Kyuubi. I can definitely see Naruto's reactions as very realistic, and his conversation (or lack thereof) with Sasuke works well. I like Kon as a character - he's dealing with Maneki's death in an interesting way. He starts out all innocuous and then goes for the throat, rather than getting upset and angry right away, like some people would upon meeting their friend's "killer". The irony of Sasuke's "less dead" comment was not lost on me... Sigh. I liked Sasuke's reactions to Kon. And Sakura... I can't quite imagine how she's feeling right now. But I feel worst for Naruto.

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Teamwork - chapter 9 part 1

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OMG

Re: OMG

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p.s.

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