![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Teamwork 3 chapter 8 part 1
1200 words long. I hate fight scenes. Not betaread yet, and some parts are probably confusing or unbelievable or the feelings don't come through -- please PLEASE point them out, I tried my best but I'm not sure I can fix them on my own. ~___~;
Next scene is Sasuke's. I'm trying to write it now. It's... well. Ergh. Difficult.
One moment she was sitting with her back to the small campfire, listening to two thirteen-year-olds whispering to each other, and rubbing her bare arms discreetly to ward off the creeping cold.
The next second, a tendril of liquid fire was making its way through her inner coils.
Sakura lost a second to surprise and dread. It might have simply been Naruto drawing close, bringing his chakra closer -- but it didn't feel that way. Stiffening, she prayed for the brunette girl and the boy with glasses not to notice a thing, as she wrestled that spark of demon chakra to her arms, away from her belly. Her nails had stayed long and pointed -- they would until she could trim them, she couldn't make them go away like Naruto did -- but now she could feel the tips curving into vicious hooks where they pressed against her forearms.
She was in the middle of converting it to more normal chakra, chakra she could allow to radiate through her body, when another surge hit her.
Not just Naruto coming closer -- the rise would have been smoother. He was drawing on Kyuubi's chakra again. Had the fox-demon taken over again? She bit her lip. She needed to go and check -- what if he was fighting Sasuke? Kyuubi would be angry enough to do real damage. But the kids...
... weren't whispering to each other anymore. Head whipping around, she expected to find them staring at her, having noticed... she didn't know. Something. She found them slumped against each other, eyes closed. Asleep.
'They must be very tired', she thought, a little sad, tired too; and then she saw the pinched look on the little redhead's face slowly smooth out into deeper, peaceful sleep, and she understood.
Genjutsu.
"KAI!" Sakura jumped on her feet, eyes wide open, hands locked in a dispelling seal.
He was standing right there in the open, still and patient as if he'd been there for the past ten minutes or even ten hours and would still be here in another ten. She spared a thought to be horrified that maybe he had been there that long, and she hadn't noticed.
Black cloak, red clouds.
That achingly familiar face.
They weren't identical. Sasuke's face wasn't quite as long, a little more triangular than it was oval. Sasuke's hair was thicker, wilder. His eyes had never been that cold, that... remote. Empty.
It was a strange thing to notice, but the thought came anyway -- even devoid of any care, any humanity, Itachi's eyes were more beautiful than Sasuke's.
And this was just about the stupidest mistake she could have made. Either he didn't want to lock her into a genjutsu, or she was already inside it and hadn't noticed. She grabbed those tendrils of demon fire blindly, not even trying to control them, and pulled for all she was worth. She needed more, she didn't have enough.
"Ah." He inclined his head, thoughtful. "We had wondered where the echo came from."
The chakra. The demon chakra.
She was using something Akatsuki wanted for themselves. She felt the blood drain from her face.
This was a nightmare. Alone against Uchiha Itachi, who had killed so many. A whole clan. (he'd killed her baby's grandparents.) A whole clan with the same abilities as Sasuke's.
A whole family. (her parents dead on the ground, Yukihiro the wise and Hana the mama bear -- oh, so that was how it felt.)
What could she do? Run? He'd get her from behind. Attack? She couldn't even hold her own against his little brother. He'd see through any genjutsu she could put up to cover her movements. If she called for Sasuke he'd fight and lose (he'd get killed). But without support she wasn't going to survive. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She couldn't make a plan, she couldn't think. It burned in her belly, in her head. What could she do? Nothing would work, nothing --
The demon chakra stopped welling up for a heart-stopping second.
Something was happening to Naruto.
(he was going to kill Naruto too.)
Red chakra rushed back, exploded through her coils again. Sakura grabbed it and pulled out more, already running. Snarling.
She was so angry.
Angry and afraid and grieving. She needed him dead to make sure none of it would happen again. Not to her own.
Uchiha Itachi watched her come at him, unmoving. She hated his frozen face, empty eyes, not like Sasuke at all.
He threw a handful of kunai to stop her momentum. She lashed out without thought. Claws of demon fire slashed through metal (it hurt it hurt oh god her hand), scythed out, flying at him so fast. He dodged; the bottom edge of his cloak didn't, shredded to tatters. Her sight was shifting into weird vivid colors once again. So angry; she'd never hated anyone as much, never to the point of wanting them dead -- but now she did.
I get it now, Sasuke.
She slashed another set of fire claws his way, crouched low to the ground, watched him dodge. The attack was fast, better than any she had on her own. It burned up her coils and her hand was already blistering, but she'd care about that later.
She wanted to just pounce, wanted to tackle him to the ground and then tear into him -- knees, elbows, claws, headbutts and her teeth, all the same, a flurry of pummeling hits. She held herself back somehow, balanced on the knife's edge of rage and determination. But she wanted, wanted, wanted --
Needed to get him in the air where he couldn't dodge.
She threw herself forward to avoid another handful of kunai, landed in a roll, leg extended, scything through the air.
Her heel hit the ground and released every drop of chakra she'd gathered there, shattering bedrock and throwing a huge cloud of eye-stinging dust in the air. She was yanking more chakra through the pipeline before she was even back in a proper crouch.
Slash, three arcs of liquid fire. Throwing herself forward in their wake.
She raced past the claws as they hit Itachi's body, and she kept running away, as fast as she could, hurtling herself from boulder to piled-up rubble to felled tree. When she heard the familiar noise of a clone exploding behind her, she wasn't even surprised. Of course he'd send a clone, of course she hadn't hit him, she'd been right not to let the rage take her and pounce. She clenched her teeth on a scream of frustration, even though she was sure he didn't need noise to pinpoint her.
There was nothing else to do but run away -- dodge at random and wait for him to get her from behind. At least he had no reason to double back and go for the three kids; unconscious as they were, they were no threat to him. They were safe. But for her it was different, and any second now he would -- any second --
"Sakura, DOWN!"
As she threw herself face down on the ground, she couldn't help the total bafflement that came from realizing Sasuke had been warning her away from something huge and blue -- not something brother-shaped at all.
Where was Itachi?
Next.
Next scene is Sasuke's. I'm trying to write it now. It's... well. Ergh. Difficult.
One moment she was sitting with her back to the small campfire, listening to two thirteen-year-olds whispering to each other, and rubbing her bare arms discreetly to ward off the creeping cold.
The next second, a tendril of liquid fire was making its way through her inner coils.
Sakura lost a second to surprise and dread. It might have simply been Naruto drawing close, bringing his chakra closer -- but it didn't feel that way. Stiffening, she prayed for the brunette girl and the boy with glasses not to notice a thing, as she wrestled that spark of demon chakra to her arms, away from her belly. Her nails had stayed long and pointed -- they would until she could trim them, she couldn't make them go away like Naruto did -- but now she could feel the tips curving into vicious hooks where they pressed against her forearms.
She was in the middle of converting it to more normal chakra, chakra she could allow to radiate through her body, when another surge hit her.
Not just Naruto coming closer -- the rise would have been smoother. He was drawing on Kyuubi's chakra again. Had the fox-demon taken over again? She bit her lip. She needed to go and check -- what if he was fighting Sasuke? Kyuubi would be angry enough to do real damage. But the kids...
... weren't whispering to each other anymore. Head whipping around, she expected to find them staring at her, having noticed... she didn't know. Something. She found them slumped against each other, eyes closed. Asleep.
'They must be very tired', she thought, a little sad, tired too; and then she saw the pinched look on the little redhead's face slowly smooth out into deeper, peaceful sleep, and she understood.
Genjutsu.
"KAI!" Sakura jumped on her feet, eyes wide open, hands locked in a dispelling seal.
He was standing right there in the open, still and patient as if he'd been there for the past ten minutes or even ten hours and would still be here in another ten. She spared a thought to be horrified that maybe he had been there that long, and she hadn't noticed.
Black cloak, red clouds.
That achingly familiar face.
They weren't identical. Sasuke's face wasn't quite as long, a little more triangular than it was oval. Sasuke's hair was thicker, wilder. His eyes had never been that cold, that... remote. Empty.
It was a strange thing to notice, but the thought came anyway -- even devoid of any care, any humanity, Itachi's eyes were more beautiful than Sasuke's.
And this was just about the stupidest mistake she could have made. Either he didn't want to lock her into a genjutsu, or she was already inside it and hadn't noticed. She grabbed those tendrils of demon fire blindly, not even trying to control them, and pulled for all she was worth. She needed more, she didn't have enough.
"Ah." He inclined his head, thoughtful. "We had wondered where the echo came from."
The chakra. The demon chakra.
She was using something Akatsuki wanted for themselves. She felt the blood drain from her face.
This was a nightmare. Alone against Uchiha Itachi, who had killed so many. A whole clan. (he'd killed her baby's grandparents.) A whole clan with the same abilities as Sasuke's.
A whole family. (her parents dead on the ground, Yukihiro the wise and Hana the mama bear -- oh, so that was how it felt.)
What could she do? Run? He'd get her from behind. Attack? She couldn't even hold her own against his little brother. He'd see through any genjutsu she could put up to cover her movements. If she called for Sasuke he'd fight and lose (he'd get killed). But without support she wasn't going to survive. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
She couldn't make a plan, she couldn't think. It burned in her belly, in her head. What could she do? Nothing would work, nothing --
The demon chakra stopped welling up for a heart-stopping second.
Something was happening to Naruto.
(he was going to kill Naruto too.)
Red chakra rushed back, exploded through her coils again. Sakura grabbed it and pulled out more, already running. Snarling.
She was so angry.
Angry and afraid and grieving. She needed him dead to make sure none of it would happen again. Not to her own.
Uchiha Itachi watched her come at him, unmoving. She hated his frozen face, empty eyes, not like Sasuke at all.
He threw a handful of kunai to stop her momentum. She lashed out without thought. Claws of demon fire slashed through metal (it hurt it hurt oh god her hand), scythed out, flying at him so fast. He dodged; the bottom edge of his cloak didn't, shredded to tatters. Her sight was shifting into weird vivid colors once again. So angry; she'd never hated anyone as much, never to the point of wanting them dead -- but now she did.
I get it now, Sasuke.
She slashed another set of fire claws his way, crouched low to the ground, watched him dodge. The attack was fast, better than any she had on her own. It burned up her coils and her hand was already blistering, but she'd care about that later.
She wanted to just pounce, wanted to tackle him to the ground and then tear into him -- knees, elbows, claws, headbutts and her teeth, all the same, a flurry of pummeling hits. She held herself back somehow, balanced on the knife's edge of rage and determination. But she wanted, wanted, wanted --
Needed to get him in the air where he couldn't dodge.
She threw herself forward to avoid another handful of kunai, landed in a roll, leg extended, scything through the air.
Her heel hit the ground and released every drop of chakra she'd gathered there, shattering bedrock and throwing a huge cloud of eye-stinging dust in the air. She was yanking more chakra through the pipeline before she was even back in a proper crouch.
Slash, three arcs of liquid fire. Throwing herself forward in their wake.
She raced past the claws as they hit Itachi's body, and she kept running away, as fast as she could, hurtling herself from boulder to piled-up rubble to felled tree. When she heard the familiar noise of a clone exploding behind her, she wasn't even surprised. Of course he'd send a clone, of course she hadn't hit him, she'd been right not to let the rage take her and pounce. She clenched her teeth on a scream of frustration, even though she was sure he didn't need noise to pinpoint her.
There was nothing else to do but run away -- dodge at random and wait for him to get her from behind. At least he had no reason to double back and go for the three kids; unconscious as they were, they were no threat to him. They were safe. But for her it was different, and any second now he would -- any second --
"Sakura, DOWN!"
As she threw herself face down on the ground, she couldn't help the total bafflement that came from realizing Sasuke had been warning her away from something huge and blue -- not something brother-shaped at all.
Where was Itachi?
Next.
no subject
(Anonymous) 2010-03-20 02:26 pm (UTC)(link)prrRRRrrrrlll...
You would post this right as I have to leave and be gone all day. T^T
You'll hear from me later m'dear, count on it. <3
no subject
no subject
Nnn, Sakura. I love it when she has feral-y bits.
Also, ouches and hurt, the revelations (-- oh, so that was how it felt) of Sasuke empathy, I like that.
-->He dodged; the bottom edge of his cloak didn't, shredded to tatters. --like the close call, 'tis a good image.
-->wanted to tackle him to the ground and then tear into him -- knees, elbows, claws, headbutts -- I read this the first time as 'tear him into' rather than 'tear into him' and I was impressed by the graphic quality of the violence, the literal tearing a person into particular pieces, until I got to 'headbutts', at which point I went, "wait, whu - how does that work?". Then I re-read it and my brain kicked in. But I'm not dyslexic, I swear! ^^;
-->She threw herself forward to avoid another handful of kunai, landed in a roll, leg extended, scything through the air.
Her heel hit the ground and released every drop of chakra she'd gathered there,--I like this move, the way you described it made it play out in my head in full color, it was pretty. Like when you play a video game and the controller vibrates, that was the effect of this heel drop.
Her using Kyuubi chakra (arcs of demonfireblade, very Inuyasha ♥) in combat is yay and I like that she never stops thinking and probing the situation for options.
There was something else but I've forgotten. Oh, wait, what about the kids? I know they've gotta be pretty much low on her priority list at the moment, so maybe I'm answering myself. But what happens to them?
And yeah, like the previous bit, this just leaves my skin crawling with Itachi paranoia and the need to circle the perimeter. I suppose you're pleased with yourself.
no subject
I know they've gotta be pretty much low on her priority list at the moment, so maybe I'm answering myself. But what happens to them?
oh, god, that bit. i spent all of the scene looking for a place to shove a "if the kids were unconscious and out of the way and hadn't even seen him, itachi was unlikely to give a damn about finishing them off, and as long as the fight stayed away it would be okay" or something like that, but I couldn't figure it out. if you (or anyone, i mean it) have a suggestion I'd love to hear it. mergh.
no subject
also,i just love how you put her thoughts in italics,it just gives such a nice feel ..mm.
and yes,Itachi's eyes ARE pretty QQ
no subject
It's been known to happen from time to time! .___.;;
Woohoo someone else likes the italics! I wasn't sure it worked in that scene. ♥♥♥
He does have gorgeous eyes indeed. Now I'm kinda NOOOES that I have the perfect closeup icon for this and it isn't uploaded. Woe woe woe. XD *goes for second best*
no subject
(Anonymous) 2010-03-20 02:33 pm (UTC)(link)Pummelling.
"claws, headbutts and her teeth"
Word says 'head butts', but that just makes me think of arse-faces. Debate this one methinks.
That's it for mistakes. Now for fic impressions.
KYAAAAAAAAASAKURAAAAAAAAAAAHELLYEAAAAAAAAAAH ♥♥♥
(And another odd prove-humanity phrase - Drying Pilgrims.)
and english dub Shippuuden Sasuke sounds hot as hell. nnf
no subject
Thank you for the help, dear, and glad you seem to approve of Sakura~ :3
(pffhahaha drying pilgrims. Sounds like a weird punk rock band.)
no subject
no subject
Man, I'm starting to miss fluff and banter, though. XD;;;
no subject
Nicely paced, and Sakura's fighting smart even with Kyuubi-energy running around in her system. Even with his chakra-backup, she's no match for Itachi and she knows it, so she's acting like a ninja and running until she can find a way to either escape or deal with him.
no subject
Thank you, glad you approve ^_____^
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
My only observation is (and I don't know how to phrase it) I expected to see her more scarred or at least linger more on that feeling? because it only took her a paragraph before she decided to surge against him. (I'm used to people shaking terrified in front of Itachi. Except for Kakashi who is too cool to shake and Sasuke/Naruto who shake in anger instead.)
But then again the way your wrote her was totally justified, because Itachi hasn't said or done anything to provoke more dread. U.U Hasn't even attacked her yet and make her see Evil Bad Things happening. She wouldn't stay there and feel scarred in front of him when she didn;t do it in the manga itself. So it's still okay. She's a ninja afterall. She DID feel fear but the demon chakra coming out gave her the surge. Feel free to ignore this comment haha. XD (I like how I self-debate over things)
no subject
thank you for that debate with yourself. this is the part that gave me the most problem and that made me hesita ERGH EVIL COMPUTER WHY DID YOU POST EARLY
anyway it's the part that made me wait so long to post this scene, because it was written next month and I hated that bit. I reworked it a little, but like you I can't figure out whether it's enough ot it should be lengthened somehow. problem is I have no idea what else to write in there that wouldn't be boring to read. ~_____~ i would lengthen if I could figure it out.
no subject
no subject
Actually i've got the next scene ALL WRITTEN OH GOD SO FAST complete chapter complete chapter ahhhhh
but, it needs a reread when i've got a clear head again, so. Tomorrow it shall be up. u.u-b
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
This paragraph: She shook her head, hard, pink locks flying. She wanted those useless flashes of primal fear and revelation out. They were just preventing her from concentrating, figuring out what to do.
I am a little iffy about it. It feels like Sakura has already managed to shove her fear aside instead of being in the process of shoving her fear aside -- maybe it's just that if she can describe her emotional reactions that clearly, it feels a little distanced to me? I dunno.
The flash-images in the parentheses are brilliant, as is the action itself.
Oh! One other thing -- what happened to the poor sleeping kids? Maybe Sakura should think for a moment about drawing Itachi away from them? It would tie in with wanting to protect her own child, and the whole not-letting-Itachi-hurt-anyone-else thing.
no subject
As for the sleeping kids, yeeeeeah I should have mentioned something about that but i didn't find anywhere to slip it in. Will try again today. Good suggestion about tying it with her protective thoughts. Hmmm.
thank you for the help, and i'm glad you like what Sakura's doing. ^^
no subject
no subject
no subject
*is being yelled at to get off computer*
no subject
*loves back~* X3333
no subject
You made my day, girl! Totally made it!
Sakura rocks (here, at least). Can't wait for more! <3
no subject
no subject
Your angry!protective Sakura is so..so..KICKASS! I swear my heart was pounding with anticipation! 'I get it now, Sasuke.' Kyaa *glomps*
A-frickin-mazing! Can't wait for more && I'm so glad I found your stories!
no subject
aaaand TADAHH next part was just posted! *^o^*
no subject
no subject
(Anonymous) 2010-03-22 12:23 am (UTC)(link)That Sasuke can manage brainless heroics even with Itachi as his enemy, they really aren't so bad off, after all.
And whether this is Evil-tachi or Nice-tachi... we still don't know. But I bet he's not going to try and gut Sakura and her Uchiha babies again.
-- Guile
no subject
Wow, this was amazing. I would have been biting my nails in nervous anticipation if I hadn't just clipped them! I think you made a great choice to have the chakra flare up and stay that way during her encounter with Itachi. It makes my visualization of the scene even more intense. As always, I love how you write her emotions, and just seeing how protective and determined she is here is great, and the way you balanced that with her fear was just so well done. Guh. Very awesome.