![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
FF7 - Restore - end of chapter 4.
Still unbetaed. Also, I added a little part about Tifa trying to contact Denzel via PHS earlier in the fic. I'll update the LJ post later. Just, for continuity, she sent him a message that everything was okayish but he should still stay put. >_>;;
If you spot off characterization or grammar problems please tell me. Also I felt like the mood might be shifting a bit fast but it's a strange time for them all, so I dunno. Not sure it comes across properly, or just as "the writer forgot from one line to the next."
Table of contents.
Previous.
It was easy enough to fake Aeris's default attitude: her serene, self-assured friendliness. But the girl Tifa had known had been so much more than the impartially benevolent goddess some people painted her as, afterwards. So different.
She'd been the most horrible kind of tease, and even though she rarely spread any gossip, she sure liked to hear it, and she loved to play armchair psychologist, and when you were sad or discouraged she was more likely to prod you to get back up on your feet than comfort you -- she'd been human. She looked human right now, lost in a too-large shirt and with that smile on her lips that failed to be quite as confidently reassuring as it aimed to be -- too shaky. Too true.
"Good morning," Tifa answered, and smiled back just as crookedly.
She stepped into the kitchen, glad for the towel she was twisting around her hair, keeping her hands busy. Zack waved at her over the fridge door and then plunged back in. Tifa was rather glad for that too. She didn't know what to say to him.
She didn't know what to say to Aeris either, except a quiet "Thank you" when Aeris picked up the coffee pot and waved it toward the cups meaningfully.
Damp towel across her shoulders, Tifa sat, watching the black liquid pour in. It gave her the strange feeling of being a guest in her own kitchen, but that only added a little disquieting, embarrassed note to the rest of the confusion.
"Sugar?"
"Yes, please. ...The top shelf. Thank you."
"Aha! Ham," Zack exclaimed, brandishing the paper-wrapped slices, startling her.
"... It's a bit early for meat, isn't it?" Tifa inquired, blinking.
"It's to make the two of you sandwiches for the road. You'll be in transit for a while, right?"
"I'm sure Cid will have food onboard his ship, though..."
"Oh."
Zack looked disappointed for a second, almost enough to make her want to apologize; but he just put the ham back in and started rummaging again. Tifa took a sip of coffee. The kitchen felt full of things unsaid.
"Chocolate okay? -- oh, strawberry jam."
Tifa smiled a little, though that was mostly politeness, an acknowledgement of his efforts. "That would be nice. Thank you."
Yesterday's argument weighed in her mind still, unresolved, souring the wonder she should have felt. And then there was Yuffie, the grief she must feel, and Tifa was just glad they seemed to be content with empty platitudes, to put things on hold until next time.
Cloud wouldn't be long. Tifa drained the rest of her cup decisively and picked up the PHS recharging on the counter. No messages. She thought for a second, then entered Denzel's number. It was late -- early -- but if he woke up he could sleep in Cid's ship.
She got the answering service.
"Tifa? What's wrong?"
Tifa realized she was chewing on her lip and glanced at Aeris. "Denzel put his PHS in sleep mode. He's not answering."
"Are you worried something happened?" Zack said immediately, straightening up as he stared at her face.
Tifa realized how tense she was, and let her shoulders relax with a long sigh. "No, no. I mean, the three of you plus Yuffie's father plus some unrelated enemy who would know where to find him, it would be a bit much for one night. I just thought he'd want to come." That, and she couldn't help but want him far away from everything Sephiroth-related if Cloud wasn't around to keep an eye on things.
Zack nodded slowly and leaned a hip against the table. "Just go and pick him up, then."
"I would if I knew where he was staying," Tifa replied with some frustration.
"--Huh. You don't know?"
Tifa turned away from them both and started fussing with the toaster. "No. He has his PHS and I know he's safe, that's good enough."
It made her sound like a bad parent, even though she trusted Denzel fine; she knew he had a roof over his head and an adult keeping an eye on him.
She hadn't wanted to know where and with who, because if she didn't know then no one could force it out of her. She didn't want to say that; it sounded so dramatic.
A toast popped out. Too early. She pushed it back in with her fingertips and reset the timer. Cloud had fiddled with it again, she could tell.
"It's alright, he can join us later -- Cid's freighter planes do about a trip a day, he can arrange something. I'll ask Elmyra if she can drive him, send Denzel a message to get in touch with her..."
She paused at the quality of the silence behind her shifted, and then realized.
Aeris was standing by the counter, a shaky smile on her face.
"--Aeris?"
"It's okay, I just -- Mom." She gave a watery chuckle. "I just. Is -- is she well?"
Tifa stepped closer slowly, heart constricting in shared pain. It was a good pain, though, she could tell -- a hopeful kind of yearning. "She's fine. She still lives in Kalm -- Barret and I drive there every other weekend with the children. Marlene calls her Grandma, you know," she added quietly.
Aeris closed her eyes, steadying herself, and gave a little chuckle that was only slightly less unsteady than the previous one. "I bet she likes that."
"A lot." Now it wasn't so hard to reach out, touch Aeris's shoulder, give a soft, understanding smile. "When we come back... I'll drive you there, alright? She'll be so happy."
Aeris let out a little sigh and leaned against Tifa's shoulder, eyes still closed. "That would be really nice. And I think your toast is burning."
Tifa blinked, but Zack was already leaning over the table to get to the toaster, so she didn't have to step away from Aeris. She blushed a little; she'd forgotten the man was there for a short moment. Even now he was trying to be unobtrusive, which wasn't very easy when you were juggling really hot toast and yelping. Tifa chuckled, and Aeris when she opened her eyes.
"... I'm fine. I don't know what came over me..."
Tifa nudged gently her with an elbow. "Yes, I really don't know, I mean, it isn't like you haven't seen her in years and thought you never would again or anything..."
Aeris gave a little huff, and then one of those brilliant grins that always startled Tifa with all the life they packed. "Alright! I'll hold you to that. It's good you offered, because I like the idea of a personal chauffeur, and I am not riding with Zack."
"Oi!" he protested. "I don't drive that badly!"
"Badly no, but recklessly..."
Cloud stopped in the doorway, arching an eyebrow at the lot of them in confusion. "Riding where?"
"Oh, to see Elmyra."
Cloud's expression softened in understanding. "I see. Good idea."
He stepped in, took the abandoned piece of toast from the table, then made a face and started scrapping the well-toasted parts with a knife.
"I called Denzel, but he must have his PHS on sleep mode," Tifa told him, rolling her eyes a little as she put in another slice of bread in the toaster. "I think he'd want to come, but..."
Cloud nodded thoughtfully. "Can't wait. We'll coordinate from the road." He downed a cup of coffee, grimacing faintly at the taste, and stole a glance at Zack. "You two should go back to bed..."
"Oh, we definitely will," Zack replied with fake innocence. "Mm, pillows, mattress, warm blankets, sleeping in until noon..."
Cloud scrunched up his nose in fake annoyance. "Ass."
Zack turned back to the counter with a chuckle and finished saran wrapping his jam sandwiches. "Yep. But you like me like that. Here's your snack, Cloudypoo."
Cloud blinked at the plastic bag he was now holding. Tifa smothered a giggle at his nonplussed expression.
"Zack, I told you... Oh, nevermind." A sigh. "We need to get going."
"Wait a sec." Tifa grabbed a Thermos bottle from under the sink and quickly poured in the rest of the coffee. "Alright, I packed us overnight bags, I don't think we'll need anything else... Oh, the bar."
"We can hold it!" Zack exclaimed, a little too enthusiastic.
"... Have you ever worked in a bar before?"
"Well. No. But it can't be that hard, right?"
Tifa winced. On one hand, losing a whole day would make her checkbook harder to balance, especially with three adults to support. On the other hand... She'd feel better if Zack worked with one of her usual temps first, and there was no way she could get one on such short notice. "It's alright, there's no need. There's a closed sign, put it on the door and keep it locked, and there's a delivery toward noon but it's all prepaid, you just have to sign the sheet and bring the boxes in." What other advice did they need? She was sure she was forgetting something...
"Tifa, I'm sure they'll survive," Cloud said dryly. "Let's go."
She dumped the towel on the back of a chair and followed him out, quickly braiding her still-damp hair. "Yes, yes -- ah! Cloud's PHS number is on the emergency contact list by the bar."
Tifa stopped walking on the garage threshold. Zack and Aeris had followed them through the stockroom; Zack slipped past her to go open the garage door, but Tifa couldn't move to join Cloud. She stared at Aeris helplessly, the surrealism of the situation hitting her once again.
Aeris wrapped her in a quick, tight hug, and almost immediately released her. "Be careful on the road. And... I wish you could tell Yuffie, I'm so sorry about her father."
"We'll tell her -- I promise, when the moment is right." Tifa made a faint grimace. "It's just not going to be very easy to find."
Before she could lose her resolve again Tifa turned away and took the helmet Cloud held out to her. Her jacket was there too; she slipped it on, and then she straddled the saddle behind him. Zack was standing by the garage door, admiring the bike openly.
When Cloud started the engine and drove the bike out they were both waving, Aeris's slender frame leaning against Zack's side. Tifa kept them in sight until they turned the corner, and then she leaned against Cloud's back and stared at nothing as he drove.
He didn't speak at all until they were halfway to Kalm.
"Doesn't feel like any of it was real, huh."
Aeris in her kitchen, tears in her eyes because of her mother. Zack making sandwiches.
Sephiroth in her attic.
"... No," Tifa said. "It really doesn't."
Next.
If you spot off characterization or grammar problems please tell me. Also I felt like the mood might be shifting a bit fast but it's a strange time for them all, so I dunno. Not sure it comes across properly, or just as "the writer forgot from one line to the next."
Table of contents.
Previous.
It was easy enough to fake Aeris's default attitude: her serene, self-assured friendliness. But the girl Tifa had known had been so much more than the impartially benevolent goddess some people painted her as, afterwards. So different.
She'd been the most horrible kind of tease, and even though she rarely spread any gossip, she sure liked to hear it, and she loved to play armchair psychologist, and when you were sad or discouraged she was more likely to prod you to get back up on your feet than comfort you -- she'd been human. She looked human right now, lost in a too-large shirt and with that smile on her lips that failed to be quite as confidently reassuring as it aimed to be -- too shaky. Too true.
"Good morning," Tifa answered, and smiled back just as crookedly.
She stepped into the kitchen, glad for the towel she was twisting around her hair, keeping her hands busy. Zack waved at her over the fridge door and then plunged back in. Tifa was rather glad for that too. She didn't know what to say to him.
She didn't know what to say to Aeris either, except a quiet "Thank you" when Aeris picked up the coffee pot and waved it toward the cups meaningfully.
Damp towel across her shoulders, Tifa sat, watching the black liquid pour in. It gave her the strange feeling of being a guest in her own kitchen, but that only added a little disquieting, embarrassed note to the rest of the confusion.
"Sugar?"
"Yes, please. ...The top shelf. Thank you."
"Aha! Ham," Zack exclaimed, brandishing the paper-wrapped slices, startling her.
"... It's a bit early for meat, isn't it?" Tifa inquired, blinking.
"It's to make the two of you sandwiches for the road. You'll be in transit for a while, right?"
"I'm sure Cid will have food onboard his ship, though..."
"Oh."
Zack looked disappointed for a second, almost enough to make her want to apologize; but he just put the ham back in and started rummaging again. Tifa took a sip of coffee. The kitchen felt full of things unsaid.
"Chocolate okay? -- oh, strawberry jam."
Tifa smiled a little, though that was mostly politeness, an acknowledgement of his efforts. "That would be nice. Thank you."
Yesterday's argument weighed in her mind still, unresolved, souring the wonder she should have felt. And then there was Yuffie, the grief she must feel, and Tifa was just glad they seemed to be content with empty platitudes, to put things on hold until next time.
Cloud wouldn't be long. Tifa drained the rest of her cup decisively and picked up the PHS recharging on the counter. No messages. She thought for a second, then entered Denzel's number. It was late -- early -- but if he woke up he could sleep in Cid's ship.
She got the answering service.
"Tifa? What's wrong?"
Tifa realized she was chewing on her lip and glanced at Aeris. "Denzel put his PHS in sleep mode. He's not answering."
"Are you worried something happened?" Zack said immediately, straightening up as he stared at her face.
Tifa realized how tense she was, and let her shoulders relax with a long sigh. "No, no. I mean, the three of you plus Yuffie's father plus some unrelated enemy who would know where to find him, it would be a bit much for one night. I just thought he'd want to come." That, and she couldn't help but want him far away from everything Sephiroth-related if Cloud wasn't around to keep an eye on things.
Zack nodded slowly and leaned a hip against the table. "Just go and pick him up, then."
"I would if I knew where he was staying," Tifa replied with some frustration.
"--Huh. You don't know?"
Tifa turned away from them both and started fussing with the toaster. "No. He has his PHS and I know he's safe, that's good enough."
It made her sound like a bad parent, even though she trusted Denzel fine; she knew he had a roof over his head and an adult keeping an eye on him.
She hadn't wanted to know where and with who, because if she didn't know then no one could force it out of her. She didn't want to say that; it sounded so dramatic.
A toast popped out. Too early. She pushed it back in with her fingertips and reset the timer. Cloud had fiddled with it again, she could tell.
"It's alright, he can join us later -- Cid's freighter planes do about a trip a day, he can arrange something. I'll ask Elmyra if she can drive him, send Denzel a message to get in touch with her..."
She paused at the quality of the silence behind her shifted, and then realized.
Aeris was standing by the counter, a shaky smile on her face.
"--Aeris?"
"It's okay, I just -- Mom." She gave a watery chuckle. "I just. Is -- is she well?"
Tifa stepped closer slowly, heart constricting in shared pain. It was a good pain, though, she could tell -- a hopeful kind of yearning. "She's fine. She still lives in Kalm -- Barret and I drive there every other weekend with the children. Marlene calls her Grandma, you know," she added quietly.
Aeris closed her eyes, steadying herself, and gave a little chuckle that was only slightly less unsteady than the previous one. "I bet she likes that."
"A lot." Now it wasn't so hard to reach out, touch Aeris's shoulder, give a soft, understanding smile. "When we come back... I'll drive you there, alright? She'll be so happy."
Aeris let out a little sigh and leaned against Tifa's shoulder, eyes still closed. "That would be really nice. And I think your toast is burning."
Tifa blinked, but Zack was already leaning over the table to get to the toaster, so she didn't have to step away from Aeris. She blushed a little; she'd forgotten the man was there for a short moment. Even now he was trying to be unobtrusive, which wasn't very easy when you were juggling really hot toast and yelping. Tifa chuckled, and Aeris when she opened her eyes.
"... I'm fine. I don't know what came over me..."
Tifa nudged gently her with an elbow. "Yes, I really don't know, I mean, it isn't like you haven't seen her in years and thought you never would again or anything..."
Aeris gave a little huff, and then one of those brilliant grins that always startled Tifa with all the life they packed. "Alright! I'll hold you to that. It's good you offered, because I like the idea of a personal chauffeur, and I am not riding with Zack."
"Oi!" he protested. "I don't drive that badly!"
"Badly no, but recklessly..."
Cloud stopped in the doorway, arching an eyebrow at the lot of them in confusion. "Riding where?"
"Oh, to see Elmyra."
Cloud's expression softened in understanding. "I see. Good idea."
He stepped in, took the abandoned piece of toast from the table, then made a face and started scrapping the well-toasted parts with a knife.
"I called Denzel, but he must have his PHS on sleep mode," Tifa told him, rolling her eyes a little as she put in another slice of bread in the toaster. "I think he'd want to come, but..."
Cloud nodded thoughtfully. "Can't wait. We'll coordinate from the road." He downed a cup of coffee, grimacing faintly at the taste, and stole a glance at Zack. "You two should go back to bed..."
"Oh, we definitely will," Zack replied with fake innocence. "Mm, pillows, mattress, warm blankets, sleeping in until noon..."
Cloud scrunched up his nose in fake annoyance. "Ass."
Zack turned back to the counter with a chuckle and finished saran wrapping his jam sandwiches. "Yep. But you like me like that. Here's your snack, Cloudypoo."
Cloud blinked at the plastic bag he was now holding. Tifa smothered a giggle at his nonplussed expression.
"Zack, I told you... Oh, nevermind." A sigh. "We need to get going."
"Wait a sec." Tifa grabbed a Thermos bottle from under the sink and quickly poured in the rest of the coffee. "Alright, I packed us overnight bags, I don't think we'll need anything else... Oh, the bar."
"We can hold it!" Zack exclaimed, a little too enthusiastic.
"... Have you ever worked in a bar before?"
"Well. No. But it can't be that hard, right?"
Tifa winced. On one hand, losing a whole day would make her checkbook harder to balance, especially with three adults to support. On the other hand... She'd feel better if Zack worked with one of her usual temps first, and there was no way she could get one on such short notice. "It's alright, there's no need. There's a closed sign, put it on the door and keep it locked, and there's a delivery toward noon but it's all prepaid, you just have to sign the sheet and bring the boxes in." What other advice did they need? She was sure she was forgetting something...
"Tifa, I'm sure they'll survive," Cloud said dryly. "Let's go."
She dumped the towel on the back of a chair and followed him out, quickly braiding her still-damp hair. "Yes, yes -- ah! Cloud's PHS number is on the emergency contact list by the bar."
Tifa stopped walking on the garage threshold. Zack and Aeris had followed them through the stockroom; Zack slipped past her to go open the garage door, but Tifa couldn't move to join Cloud. She stared at Aeris helplessly, the surrealism of the situation hitting her once again.
Aeris wrapped her in a quick, tight hug, and almost immediately released her. "Be careful on the road. And... I wish you could tell Yuffie, I'm so sorry about her father."
"We'll tell her -- I promise, when the moment is right." Tifa made a faint grimace. "It's just not going to be very easy to find."
Before she could lose her resolve again Tifa turned away and took the helmet Cloud held out to her. Her jacket was there too; she slipped it on, and then she straddled the saddle behind him. Zack was standing by the garage door, admiring the bike openly.
When Cloud started the engine and drove the bike out they were both waving, Aeris's slender frame leaning against Zack's side. Tifa kept them in sight until they turned the corner, and then she leaned against Cloud's back and stared at nothing as he drove.
He didn't speak at all until they were halfway to Kalm.
"Doesn't feel like any of it was real, huh."
Aeris in her kitchen, tears in her eyes because of her mother. Zack making sandwiches.
Sephiroth in her attic.
"... No," Tifa said. "It really doesn't."
Next.
no subject
As far as Tifa goes, yeah, it's really hard to be the one to say 'Hey I was there, and that's not what happened.' but the fact of the matter is if Tifa had done so, a lot of Cloud's angst over not being real would not have happened. She didn't know the entire story, no, and she had not idea what happened to him afterwords. Zack and Hojo held the keys to that particular bomb shell, and Hojo choose to lie. But if she said something, it's quite possible that it would have helped Cloud break his leash. Instead she bought into his delusions and validated them with the rest of the group to the point that no one realized it was a lie. I dislike her also because while she 'noticed' Cloud she was still a bully who let him take the blame for stuff she caused, like the bridge incident. In which he was very much a 'No don't.' element. And only really noticed him when she realized he might become something more than a social outcast. It's like giving dog treats to a starving dog because it makes you feel better about yourself, even though it doesn't really help the dog. Also, her stalkerish behavior in AC annoyed me. In a very much, yes, I realize that Cloud was quietly losing his mind and withdrawing so he didn't hurt anyone, but seriously. The man spent almost six years as a lab rat, never really got to go through the whole teenage thing, realized that he 'let' his best friend get shot, and then promptly forgot about it to get led around by the nose by another person he had trusted. He's got some stuff to work through, and it's not going to go away over night. He's not going to be the prince in shining armor, he's not going to be your five five day a week, 8-5 husband. Her choices irritate me for the most part. I accept that she's a person and made some huge mistakes in them, but I still dislike her for the choices she's made over when to speak and when to stay silent.
no subject
Tifa did not *know* what her silence would do. If she had talked, Cloud might have not believed her, even gotten angry at her for shaking up his fragile self that he was just starting to rebuild. It would have torn the group apart or taken away people's trust in Cloud's leadership abilities at a time where they desperately needed to be united. It's not like it was a deliberate choice to fuck him up even more. *She didn't know* what would happen. Whereas the way Sephiroth smiles when he's burning down Nibelheim you can argue that he knew damn well and was all "WOO FIRE" about it. That wasn't a clone back then,or when he killed her dad.
Maybe Seph was completely under Jenova's influence. Maybe he was influenced but he still made his own decision not to trust Zack, and to see Zack as a traitor when he was the one who betrayed him. I like to think Seph was out of control at that time. But it's bugging me a little to give Seph the benefit of doubt and then go "but everything Tifa did was malicious and just not good enough."
Tifa was not a bully. Tifa just wasn't his best friend. She had no obligation to be.
*stalkerish behavior in AC*
O_o Okay, here it's double standards. She was worried. He was acting weird. He wasn't answering his phone. Of COURSE she would try to check on him. I have seen nothing about her wanting him to be a prince in shinng armor in the movie, and in fact found Tifa quite matured from the game because she had her own life at the bar, raised kids more or less on her own, and fought her own battle without calling out for Cloud to save her. I understand you not liking her character, she's not my favorite either and her lack of emotional resolve and worrying bugs me, I rolled my eyes at her "will you come save me" (I was so GLAD when she started saving her own self), but I feel as if you're putting a huge negative spin on her actions and then saying "that's why I can't stand tifa". Well duh, you're seeing her as a manipulative psycho cunt. It's not canon Tifa you dislike, it's fanon uselessbitch!Tifa. Which is also okay, but then you love on woobie!Sephiroth and that's just as fanon as the Tifa version.
I'm sorry for arguing, but double standards is one of my hot buttons - like for example those people who hate on Hinata for stuff they'd fangirl Sakura for doing (like protecting Naruto and confessing to him), or loved psycho clan killing Itachi while calling Sasuke a disgusting traitor who should be killed for turning on his teammates. So the second I think I see a hint of that I get all RARR. XD;
Is it because all her mistakes were passive that she bugs you? is "she didn't do this, she should have, it wasn't enough" what you can't forgive? Whereas Seph's mistakes were at least active, his own decision/doing? I can see why being passive would make one character feel ineffectual and annoying, and being active a lot more interesting, even if his mistakes were a lot bigger. It would make his redemption epic, and being a Magnificent Bastard means he's got a lot of impact either way, whereas her fault is she's just plain mediocre and that's grating to watch. Is that the problem you have with Tifa? So Sephiroth is a fascinating character because of his powerful personality, no matter what he does, but Tifa irritates you because she lets things happen around her and doesn't have the moral strength to really affect game events?
It's funny to compare to real-life. I'm kinda mixing the two - in real life i'd prolly hate or be terrified by Seph, but as a character he's awesome, whereas Tifa would be nice enough to know in real life but as a character she doesn't have a lot of impact. So I like her normal girl aspect, but much less than I like Seph's strange personality&fucked up issues. I think the problem is when we start judging what makes a great *character* on the same terms we would judge a great human.
...i was supposed to write and instead i'm thinking up meta babble. XD;
no subject
And then....
I think actually most of my irritation towards her is the passive thing, and also the whole She could have had SO much impact on the plot in so many ways, good and bad, but her choices were bad ones or worse, she didn't make a choice and just kinda went along for the ride. She's very human, in that way that I don't like humans. If we're too scared of making a choice to speak up or stay silent, we'll often just not say a word until it's too late.
A lot of times in the game, while Cloud was having his 'Bware! I'm not real' moments, I thought of him like someone on the downward spiral to committing suicide. And no one said a word. It's a very human error, but even when it might not work, I wanted someone besides Aeris (Who had her own shit going on) to reach out to him and ground him, rather than let him continue on that self destructive path. In AC I always got the feeling that Tifa (And the rest of the group.) had done just enough to make the problem worse. Like you go to just enough therapy sessions to realize there's a problem, and then you stop going and now you're screwed up and know it. It actually took Sephiroth to make Cloud start healing again, rather than just sit there staring at the wound and picking at it.
Suffice to say, I don't have a hate-on for Tifa because of the normal reasons. I just think she could have done more, and dislike her for not playing a bigger part in what went down.
I actually, and this is kinda funny, am not a Sephiroth fan girl, I'm very much a Zack Fangirl and I think Zack would want to believe in Seph. He'd be pretty ticked at him, but Zack seems the type to forgive just about anyone. Most of my interest in Seph comes from the fact that he's apparently very important to Zack.
From what CC shows (And I admit, the retconing bugs the heck out of me) and what we learn about Seph pre-Nibblhiem he was a very rational human being. Jenova was a space Alien who the Ancient's trapped to keep her from destroying the world, in that situation, I'm more likely to blame the space alien and allow Seph the out of 'Well, I was kinda being mind controlled/driven insane at that point.' I think Seph, if he went back to being a rational human being would still blame himself and wouldn't use the convenient out. (And god save us from game creators and retconing) but I never got the impression that the cool, rational human being that he was presented as would suddenly decide that destroying the world was a good idea. I couldn't blame him for snapping and going 'Must Kill All of Shinra' but the destroying the world is a bit much of a jump from 'Rational Human Being' to 'I'm a GOD! DEATH TO EVERYONE.' But then, you know, Hojo could have been pumping the room full of acid.
I agree, I have a habit of mixing the two. Often what I like in a great character is not what I'd like in a human being. Of course, with Tifa I might still be annoyed, because I hate it when people refuse to choose. I've dealt with those people and it only ends up causing more pain.
The acceptation being Zack, I think if I were friends with someone like him, we'd get in a lot of trouble, but we'd have a great time.
I'm sorry, I spawned Meta babble......?