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FF7 - restore - chapter 3.3
Chapter Archive.
Tifa walked fast into Cloud's bedroom, going straight for the drawer. Her hand closed on several Seal orbs; she released them all until she found the strongest, and then she held it against her chest and went to join them upstairs. She paused and got fresh sheets for the mattress on her way, though. She berated herself all along, but she got fresh sheets, and even a blanket. She would have cheerfully -- well, not cheerfully, but determinedly -- broken the man's neck, but making him sleep in the dust just seemed too petty.
Zack was outside the attic door, with his back to the wall, as if standing guard; he smiled at her, friendly as always but with a distracted, worried tint that took away from the reassurance.
There were stacked chairs and stools in there that she ought to repair for the bar, a crate of books and one of mismatched shot glasses, a voluminous wooden wardrobe, Marlene's old toys, and a chest of drawers Tifa kept with the vague thought that Denzel would need it when he moved out. She briefly wondered about how fast the clutter had piled up, about how amazing it was that she could afford to keep said clutter now, instead of paring down to the necessities of the road, or fearing that one day everything she owned would burn, be gone without a trace.
The man who had burned her hometown, and sent her to the slums, and then on the road, stood there amongst her amassed belongings, looking down at the bare mattress. Cloud watched him without a word; but there was a tension between them Tifa could feel from the other end of the room, even though she could only see Sephiroth's back and had no clue what his expression was like.
"Ah, Tifa -- thank you, I didn't think of that."
Aeris stood in front of the skylight in the sloped roof, breathing in the cool night air. She moved to meet Tifa at the door, and held out her arms for the sheets and blanket; Tifa let her have them, and the Materia with it. She didn't want to come any closer if she didn't have to.
Sephiroth watched the green-eyed girl with a lack of expression that made Tifa shudder. She told herself that if he struck again, Cloud was close enough, ready to stop him.
"Look, you even have a blanket, isn't that nice?" Aeris chuckled, kneeling on the floor to make the bed. "Now move over, I need a little space."
Tifa's fingers whitened on the doorjamb. She didn't understand how it was that Aeris wasn't afraid, that she could make her way to the man who had murdered her so easily, shoo him with such a cheerful air.
"Hey..." Zack whispered, and his hand touched her shoulder lightly; Tifa jerked and glanced at him, though she couldn't take her eyes away from the scene too long. "It's going to be fine. He'll lie down, she'll get him asleep --"
"He doesn't want to." Even she could see it, and she didn't even know the man.
"He'll do it anyway. He doesn't like it, but he'll do it anyway -- see?"
For a tense handful of seconds, Sephiroth stood like a statue, tension gathering in his limbs -- Tifa could read it, that coiled-spring feeling which so often ended in violence. But just as she was about to step inside, the man closed his eyes, sighed, and sank down gracefully. Then he was out of sight, hidden by the chest of drawers. Cloud still stood, watching without a word as Aeris knelt and cast her spell, but the matching tension in his body had seeped out, leaving him looking weary, jaded.
"You okay?"
Tifa pulled her eyes away from the lights dancing on the wall and looked at Zack.
"... I'm fine. Just -- this is..." She shook her head, bit her lip. "... I don't get what's going on. Don't get -- you came back. That's good, but he came back -- and why?"
Zack sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah, the condensed version's not gonna cut it. "
Aeris muttered something vaguely miffed from her corner, pulling Tifa's attention back. Sephiroth's comeback rang like a vocal eye-roll. "Perhaps you would have more luck if you clubbed me instead."
"Oh, you're trying to tempt me, aren't you."
There was no verbal reply, but Cloud snorted.
"You keep that eyebrow down, mister, or I'll do much worse than club you. I'll tuck you in."
Aeris cast again before Sephiroth could answer, which was good because Tifa didn't know how long she could take listening to the light, friendly banter between them.
This time there was no answer; Aeris cast a third time, to be sure it took, and then accepted Cloud's offered hand and let him pulled her back up. Cloud cast a barrier around the bed; they weren't all that resilient from the inside, but Tifa knew he would notice it breaking. She watched them navigate the attic, feeling like she'd end up sitting rather hard if she let go of the doorjamb.
"Tifa?" Cloud asked, frowning. "Are you okay?"
"Ah -- yes, yes. It's just a little..." she said, doing her best to smile at him. It had to be worse for Cloud; he'd suffered so much more personally at Sephiroth's hands. "You know -- in a way it would be easier if we just had to fight."
Cloud looked at her and nodded like he knew what she meant. "Mmh. Uncertainty gets old."
Zack sighed, and Cloud gave him a narrow-eyed look, but the black-haired man didn't explain it.
"I have to tell Denzel," Tifa muttered. "I bet he's still up waiting..."
Cloud handed her his PHS without a word; Tifa typed out the number quickly. The message itself, she hesitated over. She wanted to tell him everything was all right, but then he would want to come home. He was safe where he was, and mature enough not to need her to pretend everything was dandy. He probably wouldn't trust her if she told him everything was. In the end she went with 'no injurd., sit. stable fr now, talkn. will call u back. go to bed.' He'd understand he needed to wait.
Zack waited until she had hit Send and handed the PHS back to Cloud to speak again. "I guess it's time for the long explanation. Let's go back downstairs and we can talk as much as you guys need."
Tifa bit her lip. "I'd rather we used one of the bedrooms. The bar is too far down to hear anything..."
"In case he wakes up? Resilient or not, he won't wake up for a while," Aeris assured her gently. "A normal person wouldn't come out of it on their own for at least a week, and I don't think anything could wake him up that wouldn't get our attention also."
Cloud shrugged. "Bedroom's more comfortable."
Zack sighed again, probably because Cloud's reply sounded a lot like an excuse, but in the end he shook his head ruefully and chuckled. "Bedroom it is."
When they walked down the stairs, Cloud touched Tifa's hand and gave it a quick squeeze, and she felt a little better.
There was more space in Tifa's bedroom -- not a lot more, but still more than what Cloud's weapons racks left in his -- so that was where she led them. Cloud propped his sword against the wall and sat at the head of her bed, leaning a shoulder against the headboard and crossing his arms loosely over his chest. Unable to settle down, Tifa kept standing, watching as Aeris curled up in her armchair and Zack straddled a stool.
"Where to start..." Zack mused.
"How about you tell us why he's with you first." Cloud's body language was relaxed enough, but his tired eyes weren't.
Zack pressed a hand to his heart and winced, not entirely playfully. "Ouch. That hurts, man. That's your first question?"
Cloud's expression only grew more weary. "It's not that I'm not glad to see you, Zack. I am. But you've been dead six years. Between seeing you again and having him back in the genocide business, it's not even a choice."
Zack flinched and his smile melted into a more subdued expression Tifa couldn't read.
"You're lucky he's not gonna be killing people then."
Cloud sucked in an irritated, hissing breath. "But how can you tell? He could be playing a game for all we know. If he needed Aeris to bring him back to life..."
"He did agree to be put under, right?" Aeris countered, voice soft. "He stayed and he allowed us to make him sleep. Do you really think he would let anyone make him so vulnerable if he wasn't sincere?"
Tifa bit her lip. That was a good argument. She really didn't want to admit it, but it was. It seemed too tortuous and ... low for the proud, arrogant man she remembered. Sephiroth -- granted, she hadn't known him much, only that trip in the mountains and then his madness, and the details of the past that Cloud let slip sometimes -- but she thought, even when he was sane, that he would be more likely to tell them what he wanted, and if they said no, he'd skewer them and go get it himself. He wouldn't bother trying such a complicated, risky scheme when kidnapping and torturing them might work faster, more efficiently, and without having him lose control of the situation.
"Maybe he was counting on us thinking that," Cloud replied, looking away from Zack.
Zack snorted and made an unconvinced grimace. "Seph? Counting on people to have common human decency? That'd be the day."
"He's been in my head enough to guess what I would do by now."
Zack gave him a disappointed look. "You don't even believe that, Cloud. You're just looking for excuses to disagree."
Cloud glared at the man, eyes flashing with irritation. "What do you know about what I believe?"
Zack's teeth ground together and he jumped to his feet. "I believe I can't fucking stand it when you fucking lie to my face! What's your problem? Since when am I the enemy?"
Tifa knew what she expected him to answer, what she would have answered -- 'you were the enemy since you sided with the enemy.' It wasn't what came out of Cloud's mouth.
"What the hell makes him worth it?!"
It wasn't a rejection, line in the sand, you're with us or against us. It was 'Did you abandon me? It hurts.' It took the wind out of Zack's sails; he slumped back on his stool, eyes full of sorrow.
"Cloud..."
Cloud had risen too; he crossed his arms and sat back down, looked away. There wasn't a lot to look at, apart from the wall and the corner of Tifa's big armchair, where Aeris coiled. Tifa bit her lip and sneaked a pleading look at her. Aeris glanced back at her and then, meaningfully, at Zack, who seemed to be ruminating something.
"Oh hell," the man groaned. "I think after we came back from the dead it's not unmanly at all to have a goddamn group hug." And with that, Zack slipped off his stool, marched to the bed, and threw himself at Cloud's side with such determination the wooden frame groaned.
Tifa winced a little as Cloud startled under the rough, one-armed hug he was subjected to; watching them, she missed Aeris getting up until the girl caught her hand and tugged. "Come on! Let's join them."
"Aeris--" Tifa tried to protest, to no avail.
"Come on," Zack repeated, "Your presence is the only thing that stands between a heartwarming group hug and two dudes man-touching on a bed."
Cloud rolled his eyes, trying and not quite succeeding to hide his frustration. "Right. Your arm around my shoulders, it's practically gay porn."
Aeris gave a dreamy sigh. "If only."
"H-hey!"
Ignoring Cloud's reaction, she sat at Zack's side and poked him in the ribs, making him squeak. "Move over, mister Hotshot." Cloud tried to move to the head of the bed, but she reached for his sleeve around Zack's back and held him back. "No, not you. I want my hug too."
Cloud glowered a little, but was just embarrassed enough that by the time he opened his mouth to protest, Zack was already worming his way between his other flank and the headboard. Aeris sat down where Zack had been, leaned her head on Cloud's shoulder.
Tifa felt the curious urge to excuse herself as she saw the three of them -- Zack and his strong hands and regretful eyes, Aeris with her soft, contented little smile, both of them leaning on Cloud who sat stiff and straight, eyes closed. Cloud's best, most steadfast friend and his... Tifa didn't have words for what Aeris had been to him. A friend, a support, a loved one -- someone else who'd gone and died on him. Tifa wasn't sure she should be there if Cloud started to cry. Wasn't sure she shouldn't be elsewhere, before the knot in her throat choked her and she cried, too, for things too complicated to name.
But Aeris still held her hand, tugging gently, stubbornly, until Tifa was on the bed, too, sitting with her shoulder to Aeris'. Aeris slid her hand over, shifted her grip, palm to palm, soothing and warm.
"... No fair, we can't hug miss Lockhart. You're monopolizing her, babe."
Tifa blushed a little, more out of nerves than out of embarrassment, and Aeris stuck out her tongue at Zack over Cloud's bowed head. "There are only so many places in the middle, you know."
"Should have piled up."
Cloud sighed wearily; Zack and Aeris instantly sobered up.
"You two sound like this is all such a big joke at times..."
Zack growled and wrapped an arm around Cloud's back, stubborn. "Oh, shaddap, it wasn't a walk in the park to come back, you know."
"Really?" Cloud asked dryly, a bit too tense under the neutral tone. "It doesn't sound like it, with how much you seem to care."
"Well sorry if I'd rather be happy to be alive again than mope and complain about the trip! It wasn't easy, okay? It wasn't easy at all."
"... Yeah?"
Cloud snuck a peek at Zack from under his bangs, head still hanging, shoulders slumped. Tifa felt compassion well up again. Cloud was so much more confident nowadays, it was strange to see him revert to mannerisms from his darkest hours. She didn't like it. And Cloud was right, it was a little hurtful to see how easily Zack and Aeris tried to smile away their concerns, as if they didn't deserve a serious response. But then, Zack and Aeris did have a lot to be glad for...
"It was even harder than keeping you from joining us. And while we're on that topic, we're not your personal 'return to life' service, you know."
Tifa didn't get what he meant, but Cloud obviously did. His lips parted as if trying to talk, but it took him a few seconds before anything came out.
"...You were really there. In the church." His voice was soft, almost reverent.
Aeris answered just as quietly, "Of course we were there."
"I saw you, but I kind of thought..." Cloud twirled his finger against his temple, looking from Aeris to Zack and back to Aeris again.
"That you were seeing things again?" Aeris chuckled softly, and her hand covered Cloud's. "We just wanted to make sure you were... Feeling better."
"From what?" Tifa asked, a little tired of being the only one not to get it. She regretted asking at all when the three of them exchanged looks heavy with a meaning that she once again didn't get.
"Ah... Geostigma," Cloud answered, before she could tell them never mind.
She looked down at her lap. "Oh."
"And -- and that stupid depression, and leaving you and Marlene and Denzel alone like an idiot because I thought it would be better if I didn't burden you." He sighed, shoulders slumping.
Tifa managed to smile.
"Stupid is the word," Aeris teased gently, taking the words out of her mouth.
Cloud had told Tifa he'd seen Aeris' ghost, once, quietly, in confidence -- and she'd believed him, because they'd seen enough weird things, and Aeris had been the kind of special that made such strangeness unsurprising; but Tifa herself -- never. Perhaps because she never put herself in the kind of danger that required intervention from beyond. And Cloud was -- special. She knew that. She acknowledged it.
To Tifa, the last she'd seen her friend had been the day she died before their shocked eyes -- a flash of silver, protruding where cold metal had no business being, and a surprisingly small amount of blood, the chaos of a battle where they desperately tried not to let the monster trample her still form, and after that, a lifeless body sinking in a bottomless pool. While it helped to know that Aeris' spirit was still present in some way, still watching over them... It had hurt a bit that Tifa wasn't special enough.
It hurt now, that she still wasn't. She looked down at her foot, swinging it absently back and forth over the wooden floor.
"... I thought you were saying goodbye," Cloud whispered to them, pained.
"We were."
Cloud closed his eyes; Aeris rubbed her cheek against his shoulder, interlaced their fingers, gave him another kind, rueful smile. "We never expected to be able to come back at all. Dead is dead, right? We'd accepted that. We just thought... We'd watch over the lot of you, as long as we could, and then... But Jenova seemed to be entirely gone and the troubles that cropped up afterwards weren't anything you needed us for. Or anything we could have done anything about, anyway."
Zack chuckled softly and ruffled Cloud's hair. "Seriously where do you come off, making mundane enemies who'd rather shoot you with a stupid gun than summon rocks from outer space."
"Sorry," Cloud said dryly. "I'll stop antagonizing highwaymen now."
"Sounds like a good idea. 'Cause after the last time you went and got yourself shot like an idiot..."
Cloud made a little grimace at the reminder. It was the same face Denzel had made when his awesome acrobatics on the neighbor's fence ended up with said neighbor politely handing him a hammer and nails to fix the mess. The similarity made Tifa clench her hands; Aeris shot her a curious look, but Tifa pretended not to notice. It was a Zack expression, she realized that now.
She kept watching the three of them from the corner of her eye, trying not to intrude. Cloud fit so well with them.
"There are tides in the Lifestream, did you know that?" Aeris said out of the blue.
Cloud arched an eyebrow. "...No?"
"It's more like a sea than like a stream, in the end... The energy swirls and pools and moves in waves, it's beautiful..." Aeris looked thoughtful for a moment. "I didn't realize back then, when I was alive, because Jenova had been disturbing the natural rhythms, but after she was gone... It's like, sometimes, when the Lifestream swells, it brushes the living world, and then when the biggest tide comes there's only just one more step to take to cross over."
Cloud looked away from her.
Aeris sounded a little pained. "It wasn't like we wanted to make you believe... But there was the flow of the Lifestream to stabilize and Jenova's remains to erase, and I didn't even know it was possible, no one ever told me..."
"And that was all you three needed to come back?" Tifa asked with a puzzled frown. "Then -- how come there aren't more? Even if only Cetra can take that last step, surely..."
"Well... There are other conditions as well. There needs to be a body, and I need to have a strong personal connection with the person, and --"
"And what kind of strong connection would you have with Sephiroth?" Cloud snapped, incredulous.
Aeris' hand clenched on Tifa's fingers, though her voice stayed perfectly friendly. "Well gee, he killed me. How much more personal can you get?"
There was silence then, Cloud going pale and Zack gritting his teeth and Aeris herself with her Cloud-side hand clenched into a fist on her lap. Tifa hadn't expected her to lose patience like this, and she stared, a little shocked.
She hadn't expected Aeris to show any real emotion at all, because so far all she'd shown was controlled gentleness and motherly patience and nothing else. "Aeris?" she asked quietly. "Are you alright?"
Aeris let out a tired sigh and smoothed her dress across her thighs mechanically, shoulders slumping. "... I'm fine. I'm sorry, Cloud. I didn't mean to be flippant, it's just -- when we came back I was so happy. We were in the pool -- the water was so cold it almost hurt, and it was the most marvelous feeling in the world. And the columns were so solid and graceful, and the sunset..." She bit her lip. "...And I knew we'd see all of you soon... Aren't you glad to see us at all?"
Cloud looked away, as if the wooden floor suddenly seemed interesting. "Of course I'm glad."
"... I'm sorry I snapped." Aeris took in a deep breath, glanced down at Tifa's hand in hers with faint surprise and squeezed a little, comfortingly. "I'm being unfair. I've been in Sephiroth's mind and I just can't be scared of him anymore, but it's not fair to expect you two to take us at our word."
Cloud nodded, and Tifa squeezed her hand, encouraging her to continue.
"Make no mistake, he's still a mess. Jenova worked him over, and he was raised as a human guinea pig by Hojo; it's a miracle he didn't snap earlier..."
"He's still not fine, so why...?" Cloud said.
"He's not, but now he wants to be."
Tifa made a doubtful frown. "So... What you are saying is that he was insane and none of it was really his fault."
"Oh hell no," Zack retorted. "He'll be the first to tell you at length why everything he ever did was his own damn choice and his own damn responsibility. And yeah, a lot of it was," he added quietly. "But being crazy isn't like being unconscious. It's more like lucid dreaming -- everything makes perfect sense at the time. You're the one who makes all the decisions, even though the consequences don't seem real. And then you wake up and you realize how fucked up the rules you were going by were."
Cloud sighed. "That's a pretty metaphor, but it still tells me actually jack shit about how he's going to behave and whether I should forget my promise and just put him down in his sleep."
Tifa watched as Zack and Aeris exchanged a look that said volumes. "If we thought he'd need killing again, we wouldn't have helped him back," Zack said gently, and patted Cloud's back. Cloud exhaled slowly, eyes closed.
Tifa looked down at her feet. "But does he deserve to be alive again?" She swallowed; it was a little painful. "After everyone he's killed, all the suffering he's caused -- he didn't seem like a very different person to me. Why is he -- why did you two...?"
"Tifa?"
Aeris sounded surprised, as if she hadn't expected that, and it hurt. Tifa's head snapped up; and she knew she looked a little accusing but she couldn't stop it. "Why does he deserve to be alive again, when all those innocents he's killed don't?"
Zack and Aeris didn't have an answer for her. Zack chuckled without humor, and Aeris watched her with sad eyes that bothered Tifa. It was almost as if Aeris was disappointed in her for asking. Cloud's back was stiff, his head low, face hidden behind his hair.
"It's not about the most deserving, Tifa," Aeris said softly.
Tifa's voice sharpened with frustration. "Then what is it about?"
"I had to know the person to bring them back. I had to know the exact shape of their mind. And I'm not even sure it could have worked with ... say, Cid, or Barret. Sephiroth... I touched his mind, and it almost wasn't enough."
Tifa left the bed, standing in front of them, too agitated to keep sitting at the end of the line. She didn't care about the technicalities. "But why bother?"
Zack shrugged and gave her a fake-looking smile. "Hey, stubborn as he is, he'd have found a way. He didn't want to die, and -- well, Jenova or not, he still has a hell of a lot of raw power. Like that it's less traumatic for everyone, right?"
Tifa pulled her hand free from Aeris' hold and clenched it at her side. That explanation wasn't good enough.
"I'm curious," Aeris said, with a calm, measured tone that aimed to explain, but didn't apologize an inch. "I want to see how he grows, what he will become. What he does with his potential, this time around."
Tifa's back stiffened. "... Curious."
Zack took over; though this time he didn't insult Tifa by trying to placate her with a smile. He was deadly serious as he answered, looking her straight in the eye. "I'm selfish. I want him here because I love him."
"He turned on you. Killed you," Tifa reminded him. Well, he hadn't -- not directly. But he'd tried without thinking twice, and he was the reason he and Cloud had been captured and experimented on, the reason they became fugitives, the reason Zack ended up getting gunned down. She didn't get it, how Zack could really mean it even now.
Zack nodded soberly. "Yeah. Pissed me off. I still love him. Hated him for a good long while, mind -- but even then I still loved him."
Cloud's back hunched a little more. Zack gave him a sad look, and rubbed gently between his shoulder blades.
"Sorry, blondie. I'm not happy with dumping this mess on your lap."
Cloud's voice came muffled, less by his position than by all those emotions he wasn't letting through. "Didn't stop you doing it."
"Yeah," Zack said quietly. "Yeah. Like I said, I'm a selfish bastard. I don't like to let go of my people."
They all sat in silence for a minute, everyone watching Cloud's bowed head. Tifa thought briefly that it was unfair, the way everyone kept pinning everything on him.
But it had to be him, she knew. As equal as they all professed to be, he had been the driving force of Avalanche, the keystone without which nothing would hold up. This time around didn't seem like it would be different.
"... Let's sleep on it." Cloud didn't straighten up. "I'm tired. We're all tired. We'll call the others and see what they think tomorrow."
He climbed on his feet; Zack's hand fell off his back, Aeris didn't move to hold him. Just like Tifa, they could tell that he wouldn't have welcomed it.
"Denzel's bed is too small, so you two can have mine. If you don't mind sharing."
Sighing, Aeris got up too, and smiled, though it seemed sad to Tifa. "It isn't a problem. We'll see you in the morning then?"
"Yeah. Sure."
Tifa stepped aside and watched them as Cloud walked them through the short distance to his own bedroom door. She met Zack's eyes briefly as he murmured his goodnights, and then their door closed, and Cloud came back to her room. He closed that door too, and then they were alone in a silence so heavy she sank back on the bed under its weight.
There were things she wanted to ask him about, she thought, things they should discuss now, without them. She couldn't formulate a single one properly.
"...Let's sleep, Tifa."
Biting her lip, she nodded without looking at him. She toed off her shoes and crawled back on the bed. The lights went off.
When he followed her under the blankets, she wished it could have been one of those times he knocked at her door and joined her to make love. She felt around for his hand and squeezed.
She could still feel the warmth of Aeris' fingers, but she didn't know if that was a comfort anymore.
+
Cloud had been asleep for a grand total of three hours when his cell phone rang. Frowning fuzzily, he grabbed for it, already trying to formulate a way to explain he wasn't taking jobs right now without alienating the customer forever. Customer-managing was the kind of skill that needed his concentration, so he almost asked the other man to repeat.
And then it clicked and the words made sense.
"Cloud, it's Reeve. We need you and Tifa in Wutai. Yuffie's father died."
Chapter 4.1
Tifa walked fast into Cloud's bedroom, going straight for the drawer. Her hand closed on several Seal orbs; she released them all until she found the strongest, and then she held it against her chest and went to join them upstairs. She paused and got fresh sheets for the mattress on her way, though. She berated herself all along, but she got fresh sheets, and even a blanket. She would have cheerfully -- well, not cheerfully, but determinedly -- broken the man's neck, but making him sleep in the dust just seemed too petty.
Zack was outside the attic door, with his back to the wall, as if standing guard; he smiled at her, friendly as always but with a distracted, worried tint that took away from the reassurance.
There were stacked chairs and stools in there that she ought to repair for the bar, a crate of books and one of mismatched shot glasses, a voluminous wooden wardrobe, Marlene's old toys, and a chest of drawers Tifa kept with the vague thought that Denzel would need it when he moved out. She briefly wondered about how fast the clutter had piled up, about how amazing it was that she could afford to keep said clutter now, instead of paring down to the necessities of the road, or fearing that one day everything she owned would burn, be gone without a trace.
The man who had burned her hometown, and sent her to the slums, and then on the road, stood there amongst her amassed belongings, looking down at the bare mattress. Cloud watched him without a word; but there was a tension between them Tifa could feel from the other end of the room, even though she could only see Sephiroth's back and had no clue what his expression was like.
"Ah, Tifa -- thank you, I didn't think of that."
Aeris stood in front of the skylight in the sloped roof, breathing in the cool night air. She moved to meet Tifa at the door, and held out her arms for the sheets and blanket; Tifa let her have them, and the Materia with it. She didn't want to come any closer if she didn't have to.
Sephiroth watched the green-eyed girl with a lack of expression that made Tifa shudder. She told herself that if he struck again, Cloud was close enough, ready to stop him.
"Look, you even have a blanket, isn't that nice?" Aeris chuckled, kneeling on the floor to make the bed. "Now move over, I need a little space."
Tifa's fingers whitened on the doorjamb. She didn't understand how it was that Aeris wasn't afraid, that she could make her way to the man who had murdered her so easily, shoo him with such a cheerful air.
"Hey..." Zack whispered, and his hand touched her shoulder lightly; Tifa jerked and glanced at him, though she couldn't take her eyes away from the scene too long. "It's going to be fine. He'll lie down, she'll get him asleep --"
"He doesn't want to." Even she could see it, and she didn't even know the man.
"He'll do it anyway. He doesn't like it, but he'll do it anyway -- see?"
For a tense handful of seconds, Sephiroth stood like a statue, tension gathering in his limbs -- Tifa could read it, that coiled-spring feeling which so often ended in violence. But just as she was about to step inside, the man closed his eyes, sighed, and sank down gracefully. Then he was out of sight, hidden by the chest of drawers. Cloud still stood, watching without a word as Aeris knelt and cast her spell, but the matching tension in his body had seeped out, leaving him looking weary, jaded.
"You okay?"
Tifa pulled her eyes away from the lights dancing on the wall and looked at Zack.
"... I'm fine. Just -- this is..." She shook her head, bit her lip. "... I don't get what's going on. Don't get -- you came back. That's good, but he came back -- and why?"
Zack sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah, the condensed version's not gonna cut it. "
Aeris muttered something vaguely miffed from her corner, pulling Tifa's attention back. Sephiroth's comeback rang like a vocal eye-roll. "Perhaps you would have more luck if you clubbed me instead."
"Oh, you're trying to tempt me, aren't you."
There was no verbal reply, but Cloud snorted.
"You keep that eyebrow down, mister, or I'll do much worse than club you. I'll tuck you in."
Aeris cast again before Sephiroth could answer, which was good because Tifa didn't know how long she could take listening to the light, friendly banter between them.
This time there was no answer; Aeris cast a third time, to be sure it took, and then accepted Cloud's offered hand and let him pulled her back up. Cloud cast a barrier around the bed; they weren't all that resilient from the inside, but Tifa knew he would notice it breaking. She watched them navigate the attic, feeling like she'd end up sitting rather hard if she let go of the doorjamb.
"Tifa?" Cloud asked, frowning. "Are you okay?"
"Ah -- yes, yes. It's just a little..." she said, doing her best to smile at him. It had to be worse for Cloud; he'd suffered so much more personally at Sephiroth's hands. "You know -- in a way it would be easier if we just had to fight."
Cloud looked at her and nodded like he knew what she meant. "Mmh. Uncertainty gets old."
Zack sighed, and Cloud gave him a narrow-eyed look, but the black-haired man didn't explain it.
"I have to tell Denzel," Tifa muttered. "I bet he's still up waiting..."
Cloud handed her his PHS without a word; Tifa typed out the number quickly. The message itself, she hesitated over. She wanted to tell him everything was all right, but then he would want to come home. He was safe where he was, and mature enough not to need her to pretend everything was dandy. He probably wouldn't trust her if she told him everything was. In the end she went with 'no injurd., sit. stable fr now, talkn. will call u back. go to bed.' He'd understand he needed to wait.
Zack waited until she had hit Send and handed the PHS back to Cloud to speak again. "I guess it's time for the long explanation. Let's go back downstairs and we can talk as much as you guys need."
Tifa bit her lip. "I'd rather we used one of the bedrooms. The bar is too far down to hear anything..."
"In case he wakes up? Resilient or not, he won't wake up for a while," Aeris assured her gently. "A normal person wouldn't come out of it on their own for at least a week, and I don't think anything could wake him up that wouldn't get our attention also."
Cloud shrugged. "Bedroom's more comfortable."
Zack sighed again, probably because Cloud's reply sounded a lot like an excuse, but in the end he shook his head ruefully and chuckled. "Bedroom it is."
When they walked down the stairs, Cloud touched Tifa's hand and gave it a quick squeeze, and she felt a little better.
There was more space in Tifa's bedroom -- not a lot more, but still more than what Cloud's weapons racks left in his -- so that was where she led them. Cloud propped his sword against the wall and sat at the head of her bed, leaning a shoulder against the headboard and crossing his arms loosely over his chest. Unable to settle down, Tifa kept standing, watching as Aeris curled up in her armchair and Zack straddled a stool.
"Where to start..." Zack mused.
"How about you tell us why he's with you first." Cloud's body language was relaxed enough, but his tired eyes weren't.
Zack pressed a hand to his heart and winced, not entirely playfully. "Ouch. That hurts, man. That's your first question?"
Cloud's expression only grew more weary. "It's not that I'm not glad to see you, Zack. I am. But you've been dead six years. Between seeing you again and having him back in the genocide business, it's not even a choice."
Zack flinched and his smile melted into a more subdued expression Tifa couldn't read.
"You're lucky he's not gonna be killing people then."
Cloud sucked in an irritated, hissing breath. "But how can you tell? He could be playing a game for all we know. If he needed Aeris to bring him back to life..."
"He did agree to be put under, right?" Aeris countered, voice soft. "He stayed and he allowed us to make him sleep. Do you really think he would let anyone make him so vulnerable if he wasn't sincere?"
Tifa bit her lip. That was a good argument. She really didn't want to admit it, but it was. It seemed too tortuous and ... low for the proud, arrogant man she remembered. Sephiroth -- granted, she hadn't known him much, only that trip in the mountains and then his madness, and the details of the past that Cloud let slip sometimes -- but she thought, even when he was sane, that he would be more likely to tell them what he wanted, and if they said no, he'd skewer them and go get it himself. He wouldn't bother trying such a complicated, risky scheme when kidnapping and torturing them might work faster, more efficiently, and without having him lose control of the situation.
"Maybe he was counting on us thinking that," Cloud replied, looking away from Zack.
Zack snorted and made an unconvinced grimace. "Seph? Counting on people to have common human decency? That'd be the day."
"He's been in my head enough to guess what I would do by now."
Zack gave him a disappointed look. "You don't even believe that, Cloud. You're just looking for excuses to disagree."
Cloud glared at the man, eyes flashing with irritation. "What do you know about what I believe?"
Zack's teeth ground together and he jumped to his feet. "I believe I can't fucking stand it when you fucking lie to my face! What's your problem? Since when am I the enemy?"
Tifa knew what she expected him to answer, what she would have answered -- 'you were the enemy since you sided with the enemy.' It wasn't what came out of Cloud's mouth.
"What the hell makes him worth it?!"
It wasn't a rejection, line in the sand, you're with us or against us. It was 'Did you abandon me? It hurts.' It took the wind out of Zack's sails; he slumped back on his stool, eyes full of sorrow.
"Cloud..."
Cloud had risen too; he crossed his arms and sat back down, looked away. There wasn't a lot to look at, apart from the wall and the corner of Tifa's big armchair, where Aeris coiled. Tifa bit her lip and sneaked a pleading look at her. Aeris glanced back at her and then, meaningfully, at Zack, who seemed to be ruminating something.
"Oh hell," the man groaned. "I think after we came back from the dead it's not unmanly at all to have a goddamn group hug." And with that, Zack slipped off his stool, marched to the bed, and threw himself at Cloud's side with such determination the wooden frame groaned.
Tifa winced a little as Cloud startled under the rough, one-armed hug he was subjected to; watching them, she missed Aeris getting up until the girl caught her hand and tugged. "Come on! Let's join them."
"Aeris--" Tifa tried to protest, to no avail.
"Come on," Zack repeated, "Your presence is the only thing that stands between a heartwarming group hug and two dudes man-touching on a bed."
Cloud rolled his eyes, trying and not quite succeeding to hide his frustration. "Right. Your arm around my shoulders, it's practically gay porn."
Aeris gave a dreamy sigh. "If only."
"H-hey!"
Ignoring Cloud's reaction, she sat at Zack's side and poked him in the ribs, making him squeak. "Move over, mister Hotshot." Cloud tried to move to the head of the bed, but she reached for his sleeve around Zack's back and held him back. "No, not you. I want my hug too."
Cloud glowered a little, but was just embarrassed enough that by the time he opened his mouth to protest, Zack was already worming his way between his other flank and the headboard. Aeris sat down where Zack had been, leaned her head on Cloud's shoulder.
Tifa felt the curious urge to excuse herself as she saw the three of them -- Zack and his strong hands and regretful eyes, Aeris with her soft, contented little smile, both of them leaning on Cloud who sat stiff and straight, eyes closed. Cloud's best, most steadfast friend and his... Tifa didn't have words for what Aeris had been to him. A friend, a support, a loved one -- someone else who'd gone and died on him. Tifa wasn't sure she should be there if Cloud started to cry. Wasn't sure she shouldn't be elsewhere, before the knot in her throat choked her and she cried, too, for things too complicated to name.
But Aeris still held her hand, tugging gently, stubbornly, until Tifa was on the bed, too, sitting with her shoulder to Aeris'. Aeris slid her hand over, shifted her grip, palm to palm, soothing and warm.
"... No fair, we can't hug miss Lockhart. You're monopolizing her, babe."
Tifa blushed a little, more out of nerves than out of embarrassment, and Aeris stuck out her tongue at Zack over Cloud's bowed head. "There are only so many places in the middle, you know."
"Should have piled up."
Cloud sighed wearily; Zack and Aeris instantly sobered up.
"You two sound like this is all such a big joke at times..."
Zack growled and wrapped an arm around Cloud's back, stubborn. "Oh, shaddap, it wasn't a walk in the park to come back, you know."
"Really?" Cloud asked dryly, a bit too tense under the neutral tone. "It doesn't sound like it, with how much you seem to care."
"Well sorry if I'd rather be happy to be alive again than mope and complain about the trip! It wasn't easy, okay? It wasn't easy at all."
"... Yeah?"
Cloud snuck a peek at Zack from under his bangs, head still hanging, shoulders slumped. Tifa felt compassion well up again. Cloud was so much more confident nowadays, it was strange to see him revert to mannerisms from his darkest hours. She didn't like it. And Cloud was right, it was a little hurtful to see how easily Zack and Aeris tried to smile away their concerns, as if they didn't deserve a serious response. But then, Zack and Aeris did have a lot to be glad for...
"It was even harder than keeping you from joining us. And while we're on that topic, we're not your personal 'return to life' service, you know."
Tifa didn't get what he meant, but Cloud obviously did. His lips parted as if trying to talk, but it took him a few seconds before anything came out.
"...You were really there. In the church." His voice was soft, almost reverent.
Aeris answered just as quietly, "Of course we were there."
"I saw you, but I kind of thought..." Cloud twirled his finger against his temple, looking from Aeris to Zack and back to Aeris again.
"That you were seeing things again?" Aeris chuckled softly, and her hand covered Cloud's. "We just wanted to make sure you were... Feeling better."
"From what?" Tifa asked, a little tired of being the only one not to get it. She regretted asking at all when the three of them exchanged looks heavy with a meaning that she once again didn't get.
"Ah... Geostigma," Cloud answered, before she could tell them never mind.
She looked down at her lap. "Oh."
"And -- and that stupid depression, and leaving you and Marlene and Denzel alone like an idiot because I thought it would be better if I didn't burden you." He sighed, shoulders slumping.
Tifa managed to smile.
"Stupid is the word," Aeris teased gently, taking the words out of her mouth.
Cloud had told Tifa he'd seen Aeris' ghost, once, quietly, in confidence -- and she'd believed him, because they'd seen enough weird things, and Aeris had been the kind of special that made such strangeness unsurprising; but Tifa herself -- never. Perhaps because she never put herself in the kind of danger that required intervention from beyond. And Cloud was -- special. She knew that. She acknowledged it.
To Tifa, the last she'd seen her friend had been the day she died before their shocked eyes -- a flash of silver, protruding where cold metal had no business being, and a surprisingly small amount of blood, the chaos of a battle where they desperately tried not to let the monster trample her still form, and after that, a lifeless body sinking in a bottomless pool. While it helped to know that Aeris' spirit was still present in some way, still watching over them... It had hurt a bit that Tifa wasn't special enough.
It hurt now, that she still wasn't. She looked down at her foot, swinging it absently back and forth over the wooden floor.
"... I thought you were saying goodbye," Cloud whispered to them, pained.
"We were."
Cloud closed his eyes; Aeris rubbed her cheek against his shoulder, interlaced their fingers, gave him another kind, rueful smile. "We never expected to be able to come back at all. Dead is dead, right? We'd accepted that. We just thought... We'd watch over the lot of you, as long as we could, and then... But Jenova seemed to be entirely gone and the troubles that cropped up afterwards weren't anything you needed us for. Or anything we could have done anything about, anyway."
Zack chuckled softly and ruffled Cloud's hair. "Seriously where do you come off, making mundane enemies who'd rather shoot you with a stupid gun than summon rocks from outer space."
"Sorry," Cloud said dryly. "I'll stop antagonizing highwaymen now."
"Sounds like a good idea. 'Cause after the last time you went and got yourself shot like an idiot..."
Cloud made a little grimace at the reminder. It was the same face Denzel had made when his awesome acrobatics on the neighbor's fence ended up with said neighbor politely handing him a hammer and nails to fix the mess. The similarity made Tifa clench her hands; Aeris shot her a curious look, but Tifa pretended not to notice. It was a Zack expression, she realized that now.
She kept watching the three of them from the corner of her eye, trying not to intrude. Cloud fit so well with them.
"There are tides in the Lifestream, did you know that?" Aeris said out of the blue.
Cloud arched an eyebrow. "...No?"
"It's more like a sea than like a stream, in the end... The energy swirls and pools and moves in waves, it's beautiful..." Aeris looked thoughtful for a moment. "I didn't realize back then, when I was alive, because Jenova had been disturbing the natural rhythms, but after she was gone... It's like, sometimes, when the Lifestream swells, it brushes the living world, and then when the biggest tide comes there's only just one more step to take to cross over."
Cloud looked away from her.
Aeris sounded a little pained. "It wasn't like we wanted to make you believe... But there was the flow of the Lifestream to stabilize and Jenova's remains to erase, and I didn't even know it was possible, no one ever told me..."
"And that was all you three needed to come back?" Tifa asked with a puzzled frown. "Then -- how come there aren't more? Even if only Cetra can take that last step, surely..."
"Well... There are other conditions as well. There needs to be a body, and I need to have a strong personal connection with the person, and --"
"And what kind of strong connection would you have with Sephiroth?" Cloud snapped, incredulous.
Aeris' hand clenched on Tifa's fingers, though her voice stayed perfectly friendly. "Well gee, he killed me. How much more personal can you get?"
There was silence then, Cloud going pale and Zack gritting his teeth and Aeris herself with her Cloud-side hand clenched into a fist on her lap. Tifa hadn't expected her to lose patience like this, and she stared, a little shocked.
She hadn't expected Aeris to show any real emotion at all, because so far all she'd shown was controlled gentleness and motherly patience and nothing else. "Aeris?" she asked quietly. "Are you alright?"
Aeris let out a tired sigh and smoothed her dress across her thighs mechanically, shoulders slumping. "... I'm fine. I'm sorry, Cloud. I didn't mean to be flippant, it's just -- when we came back I was so happy. We were in the pool -- the water was so cold it almost hurt, and it was the most marvelous feeling in the world. And the columns were so solid and graceful, and the sunset..." She bit her lip. "...And I knew we'd see all of you soon... Aren't you glad to see us at all?"
Cloud looked away, as if the wooden floor suddenly seemed interesting. "Of course I'm glad."
"... I'm sorry I snapped." Aeris took in a deep breath, glanced down at Tifa's hand in hers with faint surprise and squeezed a little, comfortingly. "I'm being unfair. I've been in Sephiroth's mind and I just can't be scared of him anymore, but it's not fair to expect you two to take us at our word."
Cloud nodded, and Tifa squeezed her hand, encouraging her to continue.
"Make no mistake, he's still a mess. Jenova worked him over, and he was raised as a human guinea pig by Hojo; it's a miracle he didn't snap earlier..."
"He's still not fine, so why...?" Cloud said.
"He's not, but now he wants to be."
Tifa made a doubtful frown. "So... What you are saying is that he was insane and none of it was really his fault."
"Oh hell no," Zack retorted. "He'll be the first to tell you at length why everything he ever did was his own damn choice and his own damn responsibility. And yeah, a lot of it was," he added quietly. "But being crazy isn't like being unconscious. It's more like lucid dreaming -- everything makes perfect sense at the time. You're the one who makes all the decisions, even though the consequences don't seem real. And then you wake up and you realize how fucked up the rules you were going by were."
Cloud sighed. "That's a pretty metaphor, but it still tells me actually jack shit about how he's going to behave and whether I should forget my promise and just put him down in his sleep."
Tifa watched as Zack and Aeris exchanged a look that said volumes. "If we thought he'd need killing again, we wouldn't have helped him back," Zack said gently, and patted Cloud's back. Cloud exhaled slowly, eyes closed.
Tifa looked down at her feet. "But does he deserve to be alive again?" She swallowed; it was a little painful. "After everyone he's killed, all the suffering he's caused -- he didn't seem like a very different person to me. Why is he -- why did you two...?"
"Tifa?"
Aeris sounded surprised, as if she hadn't expected that, and it hurt. Tifa's head snapped up; and she knew she looked a little accusing but she couldn't stop it. "Why does he deserve to be alive again, when all those innocents he's killed don't?"
Zack and Aeris didn't have an answer for her. Zack chuckled without humor, and Aeris watched her with sad eyes that bothered Tifa. It was almost as if Aeris was disappointed in her for asking. Cloud's back was stiff, his head low, face hidden behind his hair.
"It's not about the most deserving, Tifa," Aeris said softly.
Tifa's voice sharpened with frustration. "Then what is it about?"
"I had to know the person to bring them back. I had to know the exact shape of their mind. And I'm not even sure it could have worked with ... say, Cid, or Barret. Sephiroth... I touched his mind, and it almost wasn't enough."
Tifa left the bed, standing in front of them, too agitated to keep sitting at the end of the line. She didn't care about the technicalities. "But why bother?"
Zack shrugged and gave her a fake-looking smile. "Hey, stubborn as he is, he'd have found a way. He didn't want to die, and -- well, Jenova or not, he still has a hell of a lot of raw power. Like that it's less traumatic for everyone, right?"
Tifa pulled her hand free from Aeris' hold and clenched it at her side. That explanation wasn't good enough.
"I'm curious," Aeris said, with a calm, measured tone that aimed to explain, but didn't apologize an inch. "I want to see how he grows, what he will become. What he does with his potential, this time around."
Tifa's back stiffened. "... Curious."
Zack took over; though this time he didn't insult Tifa by trying to placate her with a smile. He was deadly serious as he answered, looking her straight in the eye. "I'm selfish. I want him here because I love him."
"He turned on you. Killed you," Tifa reminded him. Well, he hadn't -- not directly. But he'd tried without thinking twice, and he was the reason he and Cloud had been captured and experimented on, the reason they became fugitives, the reason Zack ended up getting gunned down. She didn't get it, how Zack could really mean it even now.
Zack nodded soberly. "Yeah. Pissed me off. I still love him. Hated him for a good long while, mind -- but even then I still loved him."
Cloud's back hunched a little more. Zack gave him a sad look, and rubbed gently between his shoulder blades.
"Sorry, blondie. I'm not happy with dumping this mess on your lap."
Cloud's voice came muffled, less by his position than by all those emotions he wasn't letting through. "Didn't stop you doing it."
"Yeah," Zack said quietly. "Yeah. Like I said, I'm a selfish bastard. I don't like to let go of my people."
They all sat in silence for a minute, everyone watching Cloud's bowed head. Tifa thought briefly that it was unfair, the way everyone kept pinning everything on him.
But it had to be him, she knew. As equal as they all professed to be, he had been the driving force of Avalanche, the keystone without which nothing would hold up. This time around didn't seem like it would be different.
"... Let's sleep on it." Cloud didn't straighten up. "I'm tired. We're all tired. We'll call the others and see what they think tomorrow."
He climbed on his feet; Zack's hand fell off his back, Aeris didn't move to hold him. Just like Tifa, they could tell that he wouldn't have welcomed it.
"Denzel's bed is too small, so you two can have mine. If you don't mind sharing."
Sighing, Aeris got up too, and smiled, though it seemed sad to Tifa. "It isn't a problem. We'll see you in the morning then?"
"Yeah. Sure."
Tifa stepped aside and watched them as Cloud walked them through the short distance to his own bedroom door. She met Zack's eyes briefly as he murmured his goodnights, and then their door closed, and Cloud came back to her room. He closed that door too, and then they were alone in a silence so heavy she sank back on the bed under its weight.
There were things she wanted to ask him about, she thought, things they should discuss now, without them. She couldn't formulate a single one properly.
"...Let's sleep, Tifa."
Biting her lip, she nodded without looking at him. She toed off her shoes and crawled back on the bed. The lights went off.
When he followed her under the blankets, she wished it could have been one of those times he knocked at her door and joined her to make love. She felt around for his hand and squeezed.
She could still feel the warmth of Aeris' fingers, but she didn't know if that was a comfort anymore.
+
Cloud had been asleep for a grand total of three hours when his cell phone rang. Frowning fuzzily, he grabbed for it, already trying to formulate a way to explain he wasn't taking jobs right now without alienating the customer forever. Customer-managing was the kind of skill that needed his concentration, so he almost asked the other man to repeat.
And then it clicked and the words made sense.
"Cloud, it's Reeve. We need you and Tifa in Wutai. Yuffie's father died."
Chapter 4.1
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And Zack squeaks. Made me laugh so hard, I startled my boyfriend XD
And he loves Sephiroth, nyah <3 Knew it, of course, but I didn't expect anyone to say it so early. Of course it would be him to say it first. Of course.
Love that ficcie. Gonna read and review more tomorrow. G'night !
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(Anonymous) 2011-05-28 07:09 pm (UTC)(link)I wonder about Aeris answer "Well gee, he killed me. How much more personal can you get?" because there is another connection between them. When she and her mother were Shinra's "guests" they were with Sephiroth, weren't they? Same program, same genetic make-up, same scientists in charge.... She was probably old enough before they fled to remember him.
In fact one of the most horrifying scenes in the game I found was when Gast - they one responsible for the experiments, the one responsible for creating Sephiroth in the first place - fell in love with Aeris' mother and later decided to flee with her and Aeris. Leaving behind a boy just a few years older than Aeris without a second thought, a child he was responsible for, KNOWING how deranged and unscrupulous Hojo was. They'd be hunted anyway: why couldn't he have taken the boy too? Or at least tried? How different might it have all been if Gast had fled with Sephiroth too instead of selfishly focusing solely on those he loved?
It wasn't Aeris' fault of course, but I could imagine her feeling a certain responsibility for him from the way Gast had (mis)treated and discarded Sephiroth, leaving him alone to Shinra's and Hojo's non-existent mercy.
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...I just realized, looking at a timeline, that Aeris was seven when she was adopted by Elmyra. In my headcanon she was four or five and being taken in by elmyra was one of her oldest memories. But if she was seven likely she would remember having seen Sephiroth around. Huh. I'll have to see if I can incorporate that to the fic, it's a neat idea you had. But if I can't I can always pretend they weren't in the same areas of the lab... *ponders*
And yeah, Gast could have tried harder. Maybe he had to choose, and Sephiroth was more often with Hojo so he didn't have as much access... Maybe he thought Shinra wouldn't hunt them down as hard if he only took the Cetra and not the prototype SOLDIER. I don't know. :/ He definitely wasn't as nice and selfless as some fanon portrays him as.
Anyway, thank you for the comment, it's given me a lot of food for thought.