State of the Asuka

[askerian]

1. I got fanarts for Teamwork! *squishes purble* ♥ Lookie here. It's Itachi leaning over the baby's crib, ahh, so deliciously creepy. *__* I love how he seems to rise out of a puddle of darkness and blood. Thank you, purble!

2. Fraaaaaargh team Summons haet. I started this pic a bazilion years ago and there's a reason why it hasn't appeared yet -- TOO COMPLICATED AHHH. I just only finished the lineart today.

Then I started coloring. Ahaha. AHAHAH. haha. why meeee. I've barely started blocking in the biggest color areas. There's going to be four layers for the background. Three for each animal and their fur. Possibly just as much for each character's LAYER OF CLOTHES (they wear belts and stuff over flowing shirts over spandex underclothes). plus at least two layer for the hair, plus a layer for highlights and teeth and the white of their eyes plus a layer for the irises. *cries like a bitch*

3. So I've been writing this crackfic, and it is indeed very cracky, I might have to tone some of it down. And I am stuck like a very stuck thing. Therefore I'm gonna be a cocktease. Here, have the first scene of the aptly named...


"Hey, Sakura, you know they both like dick, right?"

Sakura coughed out a mouthful of throat-searing, foul-tasting alcohol all over the counter. "... What?"

Her blonde best friend was smiling sweetly, twirling the end of a paper umbrella in a drink Sakura knew for a fact she had chosen because it matched her green top.

"Naruto and Sasuke, who else?"

"What?" Sakura mentally hit rewind on the conversation. Medic apprenticeships suck, poor girl; Yes well, working for your daddy sucks more; I'm sure, you boyfriendless loser; Shut up, vocations come first; Yeeeah right -- hey, that guy in the corner is looking at you, go for it before your girlbits dry and fall off; Hah! I'm not drunk enough yet; Your teammates like dick. "What?"

Ino's smug grin only widened. "C'mon, don't tell me you didn't know. 'S obvious, girl, you're barking up the wrong tree."

"What?!"

It was becoming a habit. It was a comfortable habit, though. 'What' was a very easy word to say.

Ino took out the umbrella and twirled it in a wide explanatory circle, flaring it open with gusto. Half the contents of her glass followed, splashing on the counter. "Sasuke. Likes. Dick. Stop."

Sakura could not have this conversation on a half-empty glass, so she grabbed the bottle and topped it off. "Ino. Whatthefuck."

"Naruto. Also. Likes. Dick. Stop."

"Ino-chan."

"Naruto. And. Sasuke. Like. Each. Other's. Dick. Stop. You. Can. Stop. Waiting. On. Them. Stop."

Sakura contemplated throwing the contents of her glass at her so-called best friend, but the bottle had cost her about three eyeteeth, so she finished the glass first. Then she threw the ice cubes.

"Ow. You know, 'm just tryin' to help, girlfriend. Here you are, going 'I have too much work to date!'--"

"But I HAVE too much work!"

"--And 'I can do better than him'--"

"All the guys you throw at me suck!"

Ino's sea-green eyes narrowed. "Sasuke and Naruto suck each other."

"Sasuke and Naruto do not suck each other!"

"Yes they do!" some random guy at the bar piped up. Ino and Sakura leveled their best glare at him, and, once he was cowed, returned to their deep discussion. No, seriously, the nerve, just because they were yelling didn't mean he could just go and not pretend he hadn't heard.

"...And 'my father would stick explosive tags to his underwear.' Hah!"

"Ino, your dad sticks explosive tags to your boyfriends' underwear."

"But yours is a pussy. And you got a pussy. And seriously, girl. Sasuke had all the pussy he could handle thrown at him and he turned up his nose--"

Sakura's lower lip quivered. "He-he's just shy like that!"

Ino howled with laughter, and went stumbling off the stool. Thankfully there was another customer standing not too far; it made an okay emergency landing stripe.

"--Well okay maybe, but Naruto's not gay! He wants to date ME!"

"The lack of boobs must have confused him!"

Sakura shrieked her rage and swiped at Ino, who leaned back to dodge too far and went tumbling again. Sakura didn't follow her on the floor, but only because her fingers were clenched on the barman's wrist hard enough to bruise. He was saying something about getting out and damages but it so didn't matter right now. "Naruto isn't gay!"

"Naruto had Hinata throwing herself at him! Freaking HINATA! With her boobs like THIS and her hips like THAT and her hair down to THERE and instead of throwing her down he threw himself after Sasuke! He so totally likes dick. And you have no dick."

Ino paused and gave Sakura a long, measuring look.

"Unless you hid something from me?"

Sakura spluttered. "YES -- WELL -- SAI DOESN'T HAVE ONE EITHER."

Ino's scowl melted into a goofy, dreamy smile that seemed to say 'I have seen the Holy Grail'. "Did I tell you I was temping at the bathhouse last week? Because--"

Urk. Sakura threw her hands up and stumbled off her stool. "I hate you and I hope you choke on your own vomit. You're not my best friend anymore!"

Ino blinked at her and waved distractedly. "Okay. See you next week, Forehead Girl."

Sakura snarled in frustration; but leaving a corpse on his floor would make the barman ban her from the bar for a lot longer than a week. On second thought, she also snatched the bottle off the counter. Teach her ex-best friend to lie so stupidly, that would.

That liar. That evil, mean, cruel, dirty, lying liar. Sakura didn't believe one word of it. Not that she cared either way, because she really didn't.

Of course her teammates didn't like dick. (No matter how sexy that would be, or how much sense it would make.) She trusted them. They would have told her. They were better friends than that.