State of the Asuka

[askerian]

1. I got fanarts for Teamwork! *squishes purble* ♥ Lookie here. It's Itachi leaning over the baby's crib, ahh, so deliciously creepy. *__* I love how he seems to rise out of a puddle of darkness and blood. Thank you, purble!

2. Fraaaaaargh team Summons haet. I started this pic a bazilion years ago and there's a reason why it hasn't appeared yet -- TOO COMPLICATED AHHH. I just only finished the lineart today.

Then I started coloring. Ahaha. AHAHAH. haha. why meeee. I've barely started blocking in the biggest color areas. There's going to be four layers for the background. Three for each animal and their fur. Possibly just as much for each character's LAYER OF CLOTHES (they wear belts and stuff over flowing shirts over spandex underclothes). plus at least two layer for the hair, plus a layer for highlights and teeth and the white of their eyes plus a layer for the irises. *cries like a bitch*

3. So I've been writing this crackfic, and it is indeed very cracky, I might have to tone some of it down. And I am stuck like a very stuck thing. Therefore I'm gonna be a cocktease. Here, have the first scene of the aptly named...


"Hey, Sakura, you know they both like dick, right?"

Sakura coughed out a mouthful of throat-searing, foul-tasting alcohol all over the counter. "... What?"

Her blonde best friend was smiling sweetly, twirling the end of a paper umbrella in a drink Sakura knew for a fact she had chosen because it matched her green top.

"Naruto and Sasuke, who else?"

"What?" Sakura mentally hit rewind on the conversation. Medic apprenticeships suck, poor girl; Yes well, working for your daddy sucks more; I'm sure, you boyfriendless loser; Shut up, vocations come first; Yeeeah right -- hey, that guy in the corner is looking at you, go for it before your girlbits dry and fall off; Hah! I'm not drunk enough yet; Your teammates like dick. "What?"

Ino's smug grin only widened. "C'mon, don't tell me you didn't know. 'S obvious, girl, you're barking up the wrong tree."

"What?!"

It was becoming a habit. It was a comfortable habit, though. 'What' was a very easy word to say.

Ino took out the umbrella and twirled it in a wide explanatory circle, flaring it open with gusto. Half the contents of her glass followed, splashing on the counter. "Sasuke. Likes. Dick. Stop."

Sakura could not have this conversation on a half-empty glass, so she grabbed the bottle and topped it off. "Ino. Whatthefuck."

"Naruto. Also. Likes. Dick. Stop."

"Ino-chan."

"Naruto. And. Sasuke. Like. Each. Other's. Dick. Stop. You. Can. Stop. Waiting. On. Them. Stop."

Sakura contemplated throwing the contents of her glass at her so-called best friend, but the bottle had cost her about three eyeteeth, so she finished the glass first. Then she threw the ice cubes.

"Ow. You know, 'm just tryin' to help, girlfriend. Here you are, going 'I have too much work to date!'--"

"But I HAVE too much work!"

"--And 'I can do better than him'--"

"All the guys you throw at me suck!"

Ino's sea-green eyes narrowed. "Sasuke and Naruto suck each other."

"Sasuke and Naruto do not suck each other!"

"Yes they do!" some random guy at the bar piped up. Ino and Sakura leveled their best glare at him, and, once he was cowed, returned to their deep discussion. No, seriously, the nerve, just because they were yelling didn't mean he could just go and not pretend he hadn't heard.

"...And 'my father would stick explosive tags to his underwear.' Hah!"

"Ino, your dad sticks explosive tags to your boyfriends' underwear."

"But yours is a pussy. And you got a pussy. And seriously, girl. Sasuke had all the pussy he could handle thrown at him and he turned up his nose--"

Sakura's lower lip quivered. "He-he's just shy like that!"

Ino howled with laughter, and went stumbling off the stool. Thankfully there was another customer standing not too far; it made an okay emergency landing stripe.

"--Well okay maybe, but Naruto's not gay! He wants to date ME!"

"The lack of boobs must have confused him!"

Sakura shrieked her rage and swiped at Ino, who leaned back to dodge too far and went tumbling again. Sakura didn't follow her on the floor, but only because her fingers were clenched on the barman's wrist hard enough to bruise. He was saying something about getting out and damages but it so didn't matter right now. "Naruto isn't gay!"

"Naruto had Hinata throwing herself at him! Freaking HINATA! With her boobs like THIS and her hips like THAT and her hair down to THERE and instead of throwing her down he threw himself after Sasuke! He so totally likes dick. And you have no dick."

Ino paused and gave Sakura a long, measuring look.

"Unless you hid something from me?"

Sakura spluttered. "YES -- WELL -- SAI DOESN'T HAVE ONE EITHER."

Ino's scowl melted into a goofy, dreamy smile that seemed to say 'I have seen the Holy Grail'. "Did I tell you I was temping at the bathhouse last week? Because--"

Urk. Sakura threw her hands up and stumbled off her stool. "I hate you and I hope you choke on your own vomit. You're not my best friend anymore!"

Ino blinked at her and waved distractedly. "Okay. See you next week, Forehead Girl."

Sakura snarled in frustration; but leaving a corpse on his floor would make the barman ban her from the bar for a lot longer than a week. On second thought, she also snatched the bottle off the counter. Teach her ex-best friend to lie so stupidly, that would.

That liar. That evil, mean, cruel, dirty, lying liar. Sakura didn't believe one word of it. Not that she cared either way, because she really didn't.

Of course her teammates didn't like dick. (No matter how sexy that would be, or how much sense it would make.) She trusted them. They would have told her. They were better friends than that.

Comments

[leahnari.livejournal.com]

1. Congrats \(^o^)/
2. Hang in there ^_^
3. *sniggers through the whole thing*
Oh god poor Sakura. The ending kinda hurts. But your dialog is for the win. Are you continuing this? I'd love to see how it plays out.

No matter how sexy that would be, or how much sense it would make.
I love this line. I kinda hope that comes up again.

^_^ You made my night. Again.

[askerian]

1. *^___^*

2. T^T

3. Oh yeah, I've got about ten more pages of it (including the ending), it's just that the next scene has a big great hole in the middle so i'm not posting it yet. Of course, the hole is the sexytiems. Stupid lemons.

(oh yeah, it's gonna come up again. >DDDD)

[hardcoreheathen.livejournal.com]

Crack? Maybe. It lacks the "off the deep end" I expect from crack though. Most "at the bar" scenes have some slapstick.

But, you is stuck? How so? Do you not know what scene you want next? The standard approach would be her to walk in on them. But that's kind of like a lemon that, instead of having characterization and/or buildup, just STAMPEDES TO THE CLITORIS.

Or the prostate. Whatever. Point is, there should be something in between, like Sakura in between Naruto and Sasuke that gradually leads to next week at the bar, and Sakura wailing about how Ino was right. (Or you could just cut to that.)

Then there's the whole possibility that Naruto and Sasuke are not, you know, gay. (Doubtful, knowing you.) It'd let you end on Sakura manning up and going to tell her teammates she was happy with whatever made them happy, and then they're like, "Wtf are you talking about woman? We've been double teaming your mom."

[askerian]

The following scene is borderline too much in places, I think. I can't really judge. And, I've got a lot of what happens next (about five, six pages of it actually) but it's incomplete and there's no good stopping point, so I'm not posting it yet.

... But of course there's the lemon in the middle aaaaaaaa why do i botherrrrrrr.

Then there's the whole possibility that Naruto and Sasuke are not, you know, gay. (Doubtful, knowing you.)
D: They're not gay! I'd never write them both gay.

Bisexual, yes.

"Wtf are you talking about woman? We've been double teaming your mom."
... I laughed, damn it. XD

[hardcoreheathen.livejournal.com]

...this is very true. You're heavy on Team 7, and leaving one of them out has always irked you. Still, it wouldn't be the first time - A Matter of Head comes to mind.

Bisexual. At least one of them, possibly both. Crack. Sex scene. Hrmmm....it'd be easier if I knew where you were, but I'll try >.<

Who's involved in the lemon? I'm going to assume Naruto and Sasuke, because 2-3 pages to get Sakura in would be pretty fast. Then again, she is drunk. *ponder* So...for there to be a sex scene, you either have to swap narrative viewpoint from Sakura to one of the boys, or have her watch. Which could be fun.

Sakura: *Observes the mansex* What's Naruto got that I don't? I'm stronger. More dominant, when I want to...*observes, blushes* It must be the fighting. Struggle for control. *uses drunk logic: fighting leads to sex. Sex would be nice* Okay. *drunkenly staggers in, prepared to do great battle for teh dick*
Naruto: *completely unsurprised* You should talk to yourself quieter.

XD

But I dun think it'll go that way. More likely one of them would detect her, either because she's getting wet and Naruto smelled it or because she's masturbating and one of them heard it. If Naruto smelled it, he might not call her on it right away. Would probably tell Sasuke though, just to laugh at whatever reaction he gave.

Above assumes Naru/Sasu and non-participating Sakura vantage point. So many ways it could go from "Sakura leaves bar" to "sex scene with unknown [to me] members of Team 7"

...my God. Kakashi. He would know.

Sakura: *drunkenly bangs on kakashi's door* Is it true?
Kakashi: Quiet down! I was asleep! Is what true?
Sakura: That Naruto and Sasuke are...they're...GAY! *yells loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear. The neighborhood in question being on the other side of Konoha*
Kakashi: *looks at calendar, idea lights up, gives eye smile* Why don't you go to Sasuke's house and ask him? Here's directions. He'll probably be in the dojo at this hour; it's in the back. And be quiet; some of his traps are noise-activated.
Sakura: *leaves*
Kakashi: *looks at "Who's Having Sex in Konoha?" calendar and grins dopily behind his mask*

[askerian]

A Matter of Head was written specifically because I was pissed off that NaruSasu seemed to always equal "Sakura is a whore and they never really liked her anyway." (That Naruto was bi, I think. okay, that Sasuke was gay like a spring festival. XD gay Sasuke bothers me less than gay Naruto.)

It's a Team Seven lurve thing, of course. *is predictable* I already know what happens to get Sakura there and how they interact. It's just how to get them all in bed and what they're going to do once they're there that gets me.

(... it's scary how well you predict the way my brain works though. XD Yay for strongsexuals!)

... It's really too bad I didn't think to include Kakashi before. It could have been hilarious. I don't think there's space for it though -- my Sakura has decided to get it straight from the horse's mouth. XDD

[hardcoreheathen.livejournal.com]

Hrm. Your other posts seem to be leaning towards both of them as bisexual though, so...

You know, I don't think you've ever written anal on Sakura. Kiss Me, Stupid was the closest you ever came, at least as far as I've seen. Which means you could do Sasuke in the front, Naruto in the back, kind of glaring/competing/making out over her shoulder.

As to how to get them there? Interesting. Sakura is drunk, so you get some leeway there. Your stumbling blocks are twofold:

1) Naruto's general good-guy nature. Sakura's drunk, he'd be able to tell, and he'd try and hold back.
2) Sasuke is slightly less emotional than a brick. At least if you hit a brick hard enough, it'll crack and you can see inside.

So you've got to get over Naruto's "you're not sober" and past Sasuke's "Hn, I wish you weren't here disrupting my sex."

I don't see an easy way. Naruto, depending on how frustrated/amused he is at being interrupted, might just kind of laugh off Sakura's drunken discovery, then move towards "shit, sorry sorry stop crying" when she moves to "sad drunk." If you go that route, at some point Sasuke would either move closer because he does kinda care about her, or more likely kind of stand there awkwardly. Nekkid.

This...gets mildly porny. I think it's clean enough for non-locked.

Naruto: We were going to tell you eventually...
Sakura: And now the only guys left are Kiba and Lee and Shino and they're all freaks! I always pictured myself ending up with...one of you.
Naruto: *knows she meant Sasuke* Well, you know, you still could!
Sakura: What?
Sasuke: What?
Naruto: *maneuvers Sakura so that he's kind of wrapped around her, both of them facing awkwardly-nekkid Sasuke* You know, he's kinda weird. I mean, look at him. Standing there, still naked, in front of a lady, his teammate, who he does care about.
Sasuke: *crosses arms over chest and makes no attempt to hide crotch, face deathly bored* And you're naked and snuggled up against her. Your point?
Sakura: *stares*
Naruto: Hair mussed up, bite marks on his shoulders...*goes on for awhile, until he's sure Sakura is fully focused* And do you know what he's thinking about? The way the zipper on your top keeps sliding down. The shinguards and the boots and how exactly the palms of those gloves would feel. How hard it would be to rip your shorts off and just flip the skirt up. *keeps going until Sasuke's body reacts* See?
Sakura: *gasps, kind of leans back into Naruto, who is far from unaroused*
Sasuke: *warning* Naruto...
Naruto: *waves it aside* We're not married, bastard. You want her.
Sasuke: *narrows eyes* That doesn't mean I have to take her!
Naruto: But I want to waaaatch....

I'm not quite positive on how to go from there to sex, but I know it is but a short step.

[askerian]

Ufufufufu. Nice idea. The fic doesn't seem to be going that way, but I still like it.

The anal idea is interesting, and should be written at some point (it's on my list for teamwork, but, yeeeah I suck) but I've done the sakura sandwich in my last threesome pr0n fic, so this time I want something different. I don't want all my Team Seven threesomes to end up boys x sakura.

... Might involve the kagebunshins. >__> Or sexy no jutsu. or... damn it. I don't know. I can't decide. Maybe I should do a poll for people to vote on. XD I was thinking, hey, boy-sakura on sasuke with narutos on both sides! but I have NO IDEA how that would happen. Or, some more ideas that make a little more sense in the spoilery context of the story, but... argh.

I've noticed a tendency in myself to have naruto playing the kinky sex toy and shipping sasusaku (i don't know whether it shows in the fics but I know it's one of my biases), so this time i really want him more personally/emotionally involved. But it's difficult because he'll participate anyway if he's not the center of attention, but sasuke really needs coaxing to get going. Hrrn.

-oh. "sad drunk." I did have her cry a couple of times but it was more humoristic -- but you just gave me another idea where things could get a little more serious and genuine instead of cracky... HMM. will have to think on it.

[kittychan1986.livejournal.com]

1. Oh man, I can't wait to see Itachi in the actual STORY, interacting with firstkid. And Sakura. And Sasuke flailing. And Naruto being confused. I tell you what, I am almost look more forward to that than the porn. 2. I am sorry that Team Summons is being a bitch both in and out of fic. I say kill em and be done with it. Kishi's rule of thumb, if the character won't agree with you, make it dead. 3. Sakura assumes that either have accepted that they want one another. *Is highly amused at the entire scenario* Ino is lucky that Sakura is drunk enough to not start causing her harm. Naruto and Sasuke might be incredibly unlucky when Sakura corners them. For certain if she follows the typical drunk plan and tracks down her problems like a mad thing while she's still hammered out of her mind. How, exactly, is this crackfic? *Is amused* And is this in any way connected to Teamwork?

[askerian]

1. I'm not sure he'll ever get to interact with Firstkid. XD It depends on many, many factors -- one of them being "will he survive that long." I still haven't decided how things will go down.

2. *coughcough* Kill them? I would never. *coughcough*

3. XD Bwahahahaha. And, no, not teamwork-related at all.

"Sakura, you're smarter than that, so think for one second. How can I rebuild my clan if I'm allergic to pussy?"

Sakura blinked and tilted her head thoughtfully. "Test tube babies?"

"Oh, that could -- I mean. No."

[kittychan1986.livejournal.com]

1. You know, I am not an Itachi fan, On any level. But I really want to see the reactions soooo bad. Because they promise to be made of win and shiny. He'll at least get to interact with Sakura's pregnant belly.

Itachi: Can I listen...?

Sakura: What?! NO!

Itachi: Pleassssseeeeee?

Sakura: You are not coming anywhere near me, you pycho.

Itachi: *Cute super powerful Uchia pout of DOOOM*

2. I think they'd all make awesome toothpicks. Though Naruto needs to steel the Fox Scroll for Sasuke to use. *Nodnod*

3. *Cackles*

Naruto: I could go both ways....

Sasuke: -.- Not helping...

[askerian]

1. Bwahahahahaa XD that would be hilarious. ... Alas!

3. both ways -- oh man, that makes me think Sakura might jump to the conclusion that Naruto is Sasuke's ideal man because he could transform into a girl and get pregnant! XDDDD naruto: *HORROR* IT'S JUST AN ILLUSION OMG DX
Sasuke: ... *vaguely disappointed about that actually*

[kittychan1986.livejournal.com]

1. Awww, Darn. Sad face.......I want Itachi to be a dork, because Dork Itachi ends up spilling over into Dork Sasuke, who's just about the funniest thing ever.

3. And now we've discovered the one thing that can Squik Naruto *Hates that bit of Fangirl logic* 'OMG XD, Naruto can turn into a gurl and that means he can haz Sasuke's Beebies, So Sakura is a WHORE and noone liked her anyway.' Because it's typically a lead in for utter female character HATE, and Sakura Hate in a very focused way. I like my Team 7 served together, or at least happy in committed relationships if the other two pair up.

So, is this going to turn Porny? *Is very intrested in the idea of Drunk Sakura/Naruto/Sasuke porn* We know she secretly ships Naruto/Sasuke anyway.

[nekokriszty.livejournal.com]

FIRSTKID... Luv that name XD

[inverts.livejournal.com]

allusions to Sai's "holy grail"-like equipment amuse me terribly. :3

[askerian]

Fufufu. I figure if he feels so free to judge others', you know, it must mean he's comparing them to his own. (or perhaps danzou's, but strangely that's less sexy. DX)

[kohikari.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

(from Beyond the Grave:) ...You know I love you, right?

Your writing is always so consistently awesome. Good luck with the lemon and all!

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

*amused* Sakura-Ino interaction will never not be funny

[valles-uf.livejournal.com]

"Naruto had Hinata throwing herself at him! Freaking HINATA! With her boobs like THIS and her hips like THAT and her hair down to THERE

*brain throws a gear*

LOOOOOOOOL

[nekokriszty.livejournal.com]

Your description of Hinata was so dead-on XD I loved that XD (well, except that Hinata never threw herself anywhere, but Ino's too drunk to realise XD)

SASUKE!!!!! SHY!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, and Ino's not a natural blonde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gawd, that was hilarious. Ah, IloveitIloveitIloveit. Wish I could write stuff like that.

And who was that guy talking to them anyway?? :D


"Ahahahahaa... Why meeee" That made me crack up, too :P Wish I could offer you help... But you should only want my help if you want to screw up really badly XD

NEW MANGA IN 12 HOURS!!!!!!! X_X

[bootoye.livejournal.com]

Some how I doubt that either Naruto or Sasuke would want to have that particular conversation with Sakura ^^

[sara-the-lazy.livejournal.com]

*giggles* That is such a great conversation, I can totally see it happening. I love how you write Ino's dialogue, she's underappreciated. I especially liked her rant that contained the description of Hinata! Great fic.