askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (narusasu_hugz0r :))
askerian ([personal profile] askerian) wrote2008-08-01 08:16 am

Teamwork 2 -- chapter 3, scene 3

Uwah NaruSasu. ♥

Blahdiblah not betaread yet, if you want to point out mistakes I'll love you forever, this scene is mostly fallout from previous and setup for later stuff, so it's rather inbetween and I'm not sure it really has much merit on its own.

(Apart from the narusasu stuff, which I'm not sure is 100% alright since it's been so long since the last time I did it. DX )

First scene of chapter 3 (Team Seven disembarked on blahblah beach blah) - Previous scene (FoxyNaru antics in the night)



"You're awake, aren't you."

Naruto grunted an affirmative before he could think better of it. He blinked in the dark as he realized his mistake, and then groaned and let his head fall back on Sasuke's foot.

"How long?"

He sighed when Sasuke bounced his toes a little, making Naruto's head move. Naruto should have stayed in the shelter with Sakura instead of coming back out to listen to the night. He'd been comfortable with her, spooned against her back. Well, physically so.

"... Dunno. A while. Kinda." The words felt strange, tongue too thick, jaw a little too tense. At least it wasn't gibberish; fifteen minutes ago, it would have been. Even now making whole sentences seemed like a hassle.

Sasuke didn't push, of course. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes. He sort of wished he would. But the day Sasuke grilled him on his little feelings... Hah.

It was so quiet now that they were alone. And moving away from Sakura did nothing to stop him thinking and allow him to sleep.

"Hey Sasuke..."

"Hm?"

"Is it really creepy?"

Sasuke, of course, didn't as a rule spare Naruto's feelings any more than he asked Naruto to share them. "Yeah."

Naruto hunched a little. 'Creepy.' Even if Sasuke didn't care much either way, the word still stung.

It hadn't been like an on-off switch, between him and the weird fox-mind, more like a sliding scale. He'd heard and registered most of the conversation -- he just hadn't understood the implications right away. It hadn't hit until he was curled against Sakura's back.

He sighed; Sasuke kicked him lightly in the kidneys. Well, lightly for Sasuke. Naruto lifted his head and glared in the approximate direction of his face. "Ow. What the hell?"

"What's the use of working out a schedule if you won't sleep when it's your turn?" Sasuke grouched. "Go get some rest already."

"I'm not tired."

"Liar."

"I'm not!"

"You are. You're distracting me, too."

Naruto made a noise of indignation. "You're the one talking to me! I'd be quiet if you weren't all 'it's chatty hour' or something. Do you want me to go back to Sakura that bad?"

Naruto hadn't really intended to say that -- hadn't intended to even mention her, because then it reminded him that it wasn't just the tent he didn't feel like returning to. Guilt closed his throat.

It took him several seconds to notice Sasuke hadn't answered, was still suspiciously quiet. Naruto pushed himself upright with his hands and blinked. Squinting, he could see the pale oval of Sasuke's face, just enough detail to realize Sasuke was staring at him right back.

"... Heh." He laughed, slightly nervous. "Almost looks like you're jealous." He regretted the words as soon as they were out; there were shittier things to say to someone you were in a three-way relationship with, but not a lot.

Sasuke's voice turned frosty. "Shut up."

Naruto had had the vague thought that maybe Sasuke wanted to be the one in the tent with her, because if Naruto had been sitting out in the cold while his teammates were all cozy and asleep, that's where he should have wanted to be, too. He hadn't been serious, though -- Sasuke was so haughty and emotionally constipated that accusing him of jealousy always got a twinge of response, even when it had nothing to do with anything.

But that reaction meant Naruto was right.

And wrong, too -- he knew that suddenly, something in the pitch of Sasuke's voice, the precise nuance of his frustration. It wasn't Naruto Sasuke was jealous of.

"... Oh. Seriously?"

"That meant no, retard. Now go back inside, you're bothersome."

Somehow it wasn't very convincing when Sasuke sounded vaguely wounded.

Naruto sat on the ground in silence for a minute, trying to figure out what to do. He'd never been exceedingly sensitive, and it was a little strange to think that Sasuke would be jealous of Sakura over him. Maybe he'd misunderstood. And even if he hadn't, how was he supposed to fix it? He wasn't in a mood to fix anything.

Now he felt even shittier for threatening to go back to Sakura. A bit alarmed too -- Sasuke just had to love Sakura. He couldn't not love her -- the thought of how much it would hurt her made Naruto sick to his stomach...

But he didn't know how to say that without making a bigger mess of things -- the wrong words would make Sasuke really think that Sakura mattered more than him to Naruto -- and there was something else Naruto should say first anyway. So he blurted it out, before he could overthink everything some more. "I'm sorry."

"...About what?"

"Just... Shouldn't have said that."

Sasuke didn't ask 'That what?'; Naruto relaxed and laughed weakly. He couldn't be that angry if he wasn't forcing Naruto to give his apology in excruciating detail.

"I'm an ass, yeah?"

Sasuke snorted. "Yeah." There was a moment of silence. "...At least you're in good company."

Naruto's smile grew a little less shaky. An acknowledgement that Sasuke too behaved like an ass on occasion, so Naruto's own lapses weren't too surprising, was worth a dozen formal 'Apology accepted.'

But he didn't have a clue how to broach the 'How jealous of her are you exactly' topic. What if he pissed Sasuke off and then the bastard felt even more isolated? What if Sakura woke up and overheard? What if ...?

... What he really wanted to ask was whether Sasuke was in love with Sakura. But it wasn't his place -- Sasuke should tell Sakura, or Sakura should hint, or -- whatever, Naruto didn't have the right to ask, not that the bastard would ever answer him.

Maybe he wasn't in love with Sakura, not yet -- or maybe he was, who knew, he was king of denial -- but Naruto had eyes and he could see the tenderness, and the growing reciprocity in the way he touched her shoulder, brushed his lips against her hair. But asking point blank was guaranteed to trigger the bastard's amazing stonewalling capacity and delay even more his and Sakura's situation.

What Naruto really, really wondered, was whether Sasuke was in love with him. Except, in a way, he really didn't want to ask.

The thought made him feel strange. Their bond was unbreakable, deeper than anything, but at times it seemed too painful and weird to claim the name of love. It was just... there. They belonged with each other, wouldn't be complete, wouldn't stand upright properly on their own. The annoyance and the fights were real enough, but the way they could -- and would -- tear each other to shreds inside and out didn't change a thing. In a way 'love' seemed too ordinary.

And in another way, if Sasuke declared himself to him, it didn't matter that they were totally (non-girlishly) soulmates, or they'd been sleeping together for months, Naruto would probably fluster himself into an early grave, by way of blurting out something dumb and catching a fist-shaped backlash in the face.

At least there was probably zero risk of Naruto having to figure out what the hell he should do with an armful of red roses.

"Your brain is going to overheat."

Naruto blinked, startled out of his thoughts. "... Hey!" He glared up, not that it mattered much. Sasuke could talk about Naruto being in good company -- so far the Uchiha still had the unbroken record of assholishness across the whole of Konoha. Naruto wouldn't be surprised if he died at eighty in his bed still holding the title.

"... It's not gonna overheat in this weather anyway," Naruto muttered.

A cold gust of wind ran through the island, giving him all the excuse he needed to climb on the rock Sasuke used as a seat and lean against his side. Naruto hugged his knees to his chest and stared straight ahead, pretending the contact was a total accident.

Sasuke nudged him in the ribs with his elbow, but the lack of hard shove to the ground was all the confirmation Naruto needed.

"What is this, 'lean on Sasuke' night?"

"Oh shut up, it's your fault you're warm."

Sasuke made an irritated noise, but refrained from otherwise counterattacking. Naruto relaxed with a slow sigh.

He was sure now; Sasuke liked him -- perhaps not in a heart-aflutter way, Sasuke would never ever let that show, but at least enough to allow him to mope and sulk without kicking him into shape, and even enough to be nice, in a stealthy Sasuke way. And his moments of Sakura jealousy couldn't be that bad or he'd have been more of a grumpy, sulky asshole, and he'd been downright sociable recently, especially in that shower stall. And maybe Naruto had overreacted about Sakura's words; by the end, she'd been petting and cuddling with him, after all -- maybe she'd just needed some time to get used to it and was already over it. It wouldn't be right to mope for days because her acceptance of his scary freakishness had taken a few minutes.

"... Do you find it creepy too?"

Sasuke shrugged. "It's weird. Wild foxes aren't supposed to be human-shaped." His matter-of-fact tone said he didn't care much, though. "But you don't ravage the countryside or piss on things inside the house. I'm sure I can survive."

Naruto leaned into Sasuke and licked a long wet trail over his jaw.

"Hey!" Sasuke shoved his shoulder and rubbed his cheek dry with his sleeve. "That wasn't an invitation to be disgusting."

Naruto laughed. "Oh, come off it, like I never licked you other places."

"This conversation is over."

Naruto's shoulders shook with a laugh he couldn't let out; it would have been too loud. He nudged Sasuke with his shoulder, leaned more of his weight against the other teenager. He really was warm; Naruto made a pleased sound and burrowed closer, wedging an arm between Sasuke's back and the rock.

"If an enemy attacks, I won't hesitate to go through you."

Naruto rolled his eyes, unconvinced. "Uh huh."

He closed his eyes. The night air was fresh and clean, carrying the smell of night-blooming flowers. His foot was wedged against Sasuke's thigh. Granted, there was gravel embedded in his ass, but it wasn't pointy enough to matter.

It was almost cozy, really.

"...Are you really determined to stay up?" Sasuke asked with unconvincing annoyance.

"Yeah. I'm not sleepy."

Sasuke grumbled under his breath. "Fine, if you want to be exhausted tomorrow." He crossed his arms and leaned back against the rock -- against Naruto's arm too, incidentally. Naruto would lose circulation in his fingers pretty soon. "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when you get tired."

"Heh." Naruto didn't bother pulling free, so Sasuke wouldn't 'be reminded' of the fact that technically Naruto was kinda-sorta holding him. "Okay. 'Night, boyfriend."

"... Don't call me pet names."

"Sure thing, darling."

"... Naruto."

"Babe?"

"Naruto."

Hehe. "... Night, Sasuke."

Sakura was supposed to have the last shift once Sasuke's was done, but Naruto kept watch until the sky turned from black to peach and gold.

After that of course he fell asleep, and Sakura had to wake them both up, and just about anything could have attacked them with no sentry my god what were you thinking, but nothing had, so he groped them both and ran.

Next (team kunoichi stuff)

--------------


By the way, I decided the chapter was getting too long and didn't need six POV shifts, so I cut it in two, and now all the Team Kunoichi stuff is technically chapter 4. Disorganized, me? Never.

[identity profile] therhoda.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 07:27 am (UTC)(link)
I like this. it shows that its not just them and Sakura there is also the two boys. of course I adore the whole licking bit. poor Sasuke, his personal space will never be the same.

Fun Fun!

(Anonymous) 2008-08-01 03:05 pm (UTC)(link)
I would agree with you on that; it's not about the length, I'll take anything you toss me, with joy [insert wagging tail], but it does read to me as a little quick. maybe just a few words here or there to indicate the passage of a few minutes there, a half hour here, might slow it down a bit? I dunno; you're the awesome author. :3

Yayyy! Asuka writing (almost) for my birthday!!!

[identity profile] muryx.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 08:14 am (UTC)(link)
Lovelylovelylovely, not least the AWWW hugging icon...
OK, beta stuff. (I've never done beta for you, so I figure it's my turn.) There are only a few little nitpicky things:

1) "He wanted to pretend Sasuke hadn't known he was listening to the conversation -- the bastard had probably noticed Naruto was waking up even before Naruto himself realized -- and wouldn't guess he was being a coward." Could just be me (I got a cold for my birthday, giftwrapped and everything), but I find the last part of that sentence a little muddled. I assume Naruto is hoping Sasuke isn't picking up on his (Naruto's) little patch of cowardice? Maybe it should say, "--and wouldn't guess at Naruto's momentary failure of courage," or something like that. (Now that I reread that, I'm not sure that's very clear either. Hmm.)

2) "A cold gust of wind ran through the island"--This would probably read better if it were "A cold gust of wind ran over the island," or "A cold gust of wind ran through the nearby grasses."

3) "Okay. 'night, boyfriend." (Heeheehee...) 'night should be 'Night, even though it's a forshortening of goodnight. (Silly tweaky English.)

Aaaannnnd... "His foot was wedged against Sasuke's thigh." I notice that Naruto not only wants to plonk his ass on Sasuke's foot, he wants the reverse!

(P.S. "Emotionally constipated" is the best description of Sasuke I've ever read.)

[identity profile] kahlii.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 08:40 am (UTC)(link)
Cute scene. I like Naruto being all self-conscious of his sleepwalking. XD

[identity profile] bloodylilies.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 08:57 am (UTC)(link)
*___* I love it. *fans self* Just cozy feeling and a nice amount of tension to boot. I love how you depict NaruSasu.. it feels so real and understandable. (I couldn't imagine you writing them out of character anyway. :P) I like the end part the best, because Naruto just has to pick at Sasuke.. LOL It's so much fun really!

The subtle play between them is the real gem of this piece.. how they interact and what isn't said... <333 Plus I liked the little bit of jealousy over Sakura... But this was a delicious piece of shounen-ai. It was well worth the wait! <3

[identity profile] lurker-lost.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 09:57 am (UTC)(link)
First the squee:
Omg Naruto was hearing what Sakura said!! And now he's all insecure about it!
"... Do you find it creepy too?" ---> Ohh Naruto <3

Sasuke didn't push, of course. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes. He sort of wished he would. But the day Sasuke grilled him on his little feelings... Hah. ---> More Naruto <3

Naruto hadn't really intended to say that -- hadn't intended to even mention her, to imply that it wasn't just the tent he didn't feel like returning to. Guilt closed his throat. ---> YAY!!! GUILT! And I love the last sentence especially for some reason =D

"Oh shut up, it's your fault you're warm." Hee. I can see this. Sasuke's reaction!!

I know I haven't quoted much... anything from Sasuke (how strange... not like me at all...), but I love him just as much in this chapter!! He's being comforting, in his own, prickly, jealous sort of way. =D Ohsocute <3

No wait, I found a quote I liked very much =D

"What's the use of assigning a schedule if you won't sleep when it's your turn,"
---> Oh Sasuke. That's such manly way of expressing worry/feelings XDD



Then, the nitpicks:
Naruto hadn't really intended to say that -- hadn't intended to even mention her
---> I was thinking you you might want to replace "intended" with "meant". There's nothing wrong with it, at all; it's just... more Naruto-like to say it like that? IMO, anyway.

"...Are you really determined not to sleep yet?"
---> There's something odd about this to me. I can't really put my finger on it... But I'll get back to it later. Anybody else wanna help figure it out? I think it's the "yet" at the end that confuses me... Oh, what about "Are you really so determined not to sleep?". That still sounds a little off... Oh well.

Oh, and I think it's a good idea to cut the chapter into two. Then you can beef up your chapter count too! =p (jokes, jokes)
Plus, the two chapters are about two different things anyway; and they have different speeds (dynamics?)

PS: Er, I accidentally posted the wrong comment here before, so I deleted it... Hope you don't mind? >_>

[identity profile] trishalynn.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 11:32 am (UTC)(link)
Nicely done! I wonder if you're putting this scene in because there will be scary Kyuubi stuff later on or if it's still drapes-hanging. Still, advancing the cause and love of the OT3 is always awesome.

[identity profile] trishalynn.livejournal.com 2008-08-04 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
Would I do that? D:

Yes. I believe you would. Not sure if there's a French equivalent, but there's a phrase that's bandied about: "If you put a gun in the first act of a movie, it'll go off by the third." ^_^

And I don't remember the PM. Refresh my memory, by PM?

[identity profile] foenixfyre.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 02:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Fabulous! I think you're achieving just the right note between the two of them.

This scene does require that you'll need to make a small change to the Sakura POV scene beforehand:

She crawled back in their shelter, burrowed under the blankets, and shivered. But a minute later a warm body crawled in after her and curled up against her back. It didn't take her long to go back to sleep.

So if the two guys stay outside, there's no warm body. Unless it's some island creature, which could be really funny . . .

[identity profile] ktoth04.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 02:42 pm (UTC)(link)
gah, i love this so much XD

[identity profile] uminohikari.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 03:36 pm (UTC)(link)
The part about the who-is-sasuke-jealous-of took a few rereads to understand fully, but I'm not sure if it's be being stupid, or the text being unclear :x

Also, in
It took him several seconds to notice Sasuke hadn't answered, was still suspiciously quiet. Naruto pushed himself upright with his hands and blinked. Squinting, he could see the pale oval of Sasuke's face, just enough detail to realize Sasuke was watching him right back.

The first and last sentences feel kind of choppy, because they are so close together? :|

[identity profile] garmiet.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 07:41 pm (UTC)(link)
(I review as I read.)

I like the description; I can picture this scene really well. . . . Sasuke is, if anything, honest and blunt. Except in some situations, then he gets shy and uncomfortable, though still pretty honest. I wonder if eventually he’ll think, “Oh screw it all, might as well talk about it now so the other two don’t keep nagging me.” . . . . Hell, light or not for anyone, getting kicked in the kidneys hurts. >.< . . . . I like the slight-ish tenseness of their dialogue. . . . Lol. “What is this, ‘lean on Sasuke’ night?” ^_^ Question, though, about the elbowing: Does he have to do that just for form’s sake? Is there any time when he might enjoy the contact just a little, even grudgingly, enough so that he doesn’t give any hint of “Don’t touch me?” I mean, I’d like to hear that from his POV sometime. . . . Hehehe, I liked the licking part. =D I hope we get to see a scene where Naruto does “lick him in other places,” hehehe. >D . . . . “If an enemy attacks, I won’t hesitate to go through you.” Yeah, he will. 9_9 . . . . “Wake me up when you get tired.” By then, it’ll be too late; Naruto will have fallen asleep before he wakes Sasuke. . . . “’night, boyfriend.” “. . . Don’t ever call me that again.” Why not? Sasuke wanted Naruto to call him that in Teamwork 2:

"No fucking way in hell. You're her fiance, so you have to have a ring. I'm your -- I got it for you. You gotta give it to her."
"My boyfriend."
"...What?"
"My boyfriend. Our boyfriend. Our lover. Say it."
Naruto stared at him for a second; Sasuke refused to stop glaring at him. The blond hesitated, tongue flicking out to lick his lips nervously, then smiled.
"Alright. I'm your ... boyfriend -- man, that sounds gay," he laughed, and dodged a punch from Sasuke.


Cute ending. ♥


Something I’ve kind of noticed through the progression from Teamwork 1 to 3 is that Sasuke seems to get even more tense around them. He seemed to really be a part of something in the original fic, but then he kept getting more and more distant, except for an occasional moment now and then, and even those feel cold compared to the first fic. Also, I would’ve thought that all those heated discussions in the second story would’ve lightened up Sasuke a bit. Or had shown a little more of an effect on him. He just . . . (*sigh*) he doesn’t feel like he’s a part of the team; he’s just there. =\

[identity profile] bookem-dano.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 08:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Sasuke shoved his shoulder and rubbed his cheek dry with his sleeve. "That wasn't an invitation to be disgusting."

Naruto laughed. "Oh, come off it, like I never licked you other places."

"This conversation is over."


Ohohoho I can just imagine Sasuke's face~ Favorite part by far :D

[identity profile] m-a-foxfire.livejournal.com 2008-08-01 08:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee. Oh, Naruto.
edenfalling: colored line-art drawing of a three-scoop ice cream sundae (ice cream sundae)

[personal profile] edenfalling 2008-08-02 01:18 am (UTC)(link)
I would attempt to be helpful, but that takes too much effort, so I will simply say that this is lovely and sweet (inasmuch as Naruto and Sasuke can ever be sweet), and that I went back and caught up on the previous Sakura POV section and you write kick-ass dream sequences.

That is all. :-)

(Anonymous) 2008-08-05 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)
just a small edit but
"At least Sakura hadn't minded petting and cuddling with him, and she'd seemed to relax toward the end -- maybe SHE just needed to get used to it..."
the way the sentence reads Sakura is used to it.. i think your referring to Sasuke when you said 'she' and Sasuke while pretty enough to be a girl, is a boy lmao ^_^

Love it!

[identity profile] darling425.livejournal.com 2008-08-09 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
I remember reading this story years ago and I'm glad that you have posted several chapters since. I never knew that you had because I use aff and I don't see any chapters of teamwork 3 there. I liked this scene. I guess I like every NaruSasu interaction.
I write myself even if I tend to bash myself after I finish something (if I finish it...)

I remember you complaining about two things - I'm not sure if it still bothers you but...
The first thing was SakuNaru. You said you see them as friends and not lovers. If it's still so, I don't think that there are big problems. Love consists of romance which easily consists of friendship and lust. I think it's not that hard to write that Naruto is sexually attractive to her since he's such a stud. When they have the two components they easily evolve into bigger loving so no worries about that.
You know the term - friends with benefits? It consists of friendship and lust, right? And some people claim that it's not love at all. Well, I think (and I could surely be wrong), that they are either in denial or the heart to heart component isn't big enough. Sakura and Naruto, do they really lack that? :(

Other thing was that you worried long time ago that you made Sakura potentially killer strong so I felt that you were subduing her power with the talks - she won't be able to access her full Kyuubi chakra and so. I think she should be badass strong. Wouldn't that give more reasons for the competitive boys to get stronger? They wouldn't want their sweetheart suddenly topping them. That could potentially fic that your Team 7 isn't as strong as the cannon are. The motivation they needed?

Probably my words will be seen as rambling and even if you find my words stupid at least I shall feel like I have put some insight in this. Now to go hang myself from the embarrassment of saying something potentially stupid.


[identity profile] venia.livejournal.com 2008-08-10 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
At first I too had some difficulty with the scene. I couldn't get who Sasuke was jealous of and what was really happening (apart from Naruto worrying about being 'creepy') When I say what was 'really' happening, I mean the implications, for ex. what was it that Naruto had to fix o.o

So I liked very much the editing, it made things clearer^^ Naruto needing some cuddling and comforting and realizing Sasuke feels something other than lust for him and

"I'm an ass, yeah?"
Sasuke snorted. "Yeah." There was a moment of silence. "...At least you're in good company."

Awww Sasuke!

(I agree though with whoever commented that Sasuke in Tmk1 was more ehm...present?XD; )

Sweeeet

[identity profile] muryx.livejournal.com 2008-08-18 09:25 am (UTC)(link)
Oooh, I LIKE yer editing here! It's much much MUCH tighter. (Gai Spandex tighter!!! Will my eyes ever be the same?)

I'm sorry you're going to be stuck next to the Grandma from Hell (tm). I suggest melatonin pills in her water supply (after you arrive, at least--Gram drool on the shoulder when stuck for many hours in a backseat is truly not recommended). (Unless you're really, really sick.) (Like Orochimaru sick.) (That sick.)

[identity profile] sara-the-lazy.livejournal.com 2009-10-11 09:02 pm (UTC)(link)
Aww, it's nice to see more Naruto/Sasuke interaction, and Naruto's uncertainties and insecurities... I really wish Sasuke would loosen up a little bit and say that he loves them, you know? There have been times when he's shown it, but saying it just kind of seals the deal. I am glad that their relationship is more of a triangle with each connected to the other two ((Naruto+Sasuke)+(Sasuke+Sakura)+(Sakura+Naruto)+(Sasuke+Sakura+Naruto)) even though the relationships aren't all the same in terms of intensity or type of feelings. They've grown a lot since the beginning of Teamwork... I still -so- want them to all truly love each other as lovers and friends though, and admit it.

Sadly, this is the last Teamwork tidbit I can read for the day, I have to study. But, hopefully I'll be back soon. Take care!

~Sara