Entry tags:
Teamwork 2 -- chapter 3, scene 3
Uwah NaruSasu. ♥
Blahdiblah not betaread yet, if you want to point out mistakes I'll love you forever, this scene is mostly fallout from previous and setup for later stuff, so it's rather inbetween and I'm not sure it really has much merit on its own.
(Apart from the narusasu stuff, which I'm not sure is 100% alright since it's been so long since the last time I did it. DX )
First scene of chapter 3 (Team Seven disembarked on blahblah beach blah) - Previous scene (FoxyNaru antics in the night)
"You're awake, aren't you."
Naruto grunted an affirmative before he could think better of it. He blinked in the dark as he realized his mistake, and then groaned and let his head fall back on Sasuke's foot.
"How long?"
He sighed when Sasuke bounced his toes a little, making Naruto's head move. Naruto should have stayed in the shelter with Sakura instead of coming back out to listen to the night. He'd been comfortable with her, spooned against her back. Well, physically so.
"... Dunno. A while. Kinda." The words felt strange, tongue too thick, jaw a little too tense. At least it wasn't gibberish; fifteen minutes ago, it would have been. Even now making whole sentences seemed like a hassle.
Sasuke didn't push, of course. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes. He sort of wished he would. But the day Sasuke grilled him on his little feelings... Hah.
It was so quiet now that they were alone. And moving away from Sakura did nothing to stop him thinking and allow him to sleep.
"Hey Sasuke..."
"Hm?"
"Is it really creepy?"
Sasuke, of course, didn't as a rule spare Naruto's feelings any more than he asked Naruto to share them. "Yeah."
Naruto hunched a little. 'Creepy.' Even if Sasuke didn't care much either way, the word still stung.
It hadn't been like an on-off switch, between him and the weird fox-mind, more like a sliding scale. He'd heard and registered most of the conversation -- he just hadn't understood the implications right away. It hadn't hit until he was curled against Sakura's back.
He sighed; Sasuke kicked him lightly in the kidneys. Well, lightly for Sasuke. Naruto lifted his head and glared in the approximate direction of his face. "Ow. What the hell?"
"What's the use of working out a schedule if you won't sleep when it's your turn?" Sasuke grouched. "Go get some rest already."
"I'm not tired."
"Liar."
"I'm not!"
"You are. You're distracting me, too."
Naruto made a noise of indignation. "You're the one talking to me! I'd be quiet if you weren't all 'it's chatty hour' or something. Do you want me to go back to Sakura that bad?"
Naruto hadn't really intended to say that -- hadn't intended to even mention her, because then it reminded him that it wasn't just the tent he didn't feel like returning to. Guilt closed his throat.
It took him several seconds to notice Sasuke hadn't answered, was still suspiciously quiet. Naruto pushed himself upright with his hands and blinked. Squinting, he could see the pale oval of Sasuke's face, just enough detail to realize Sasuke was staring at him right back.
"... Heh." He laughed, slightly nervous. "Almost looks like you're jealous." He regretted the words as soon as they were out; there were shittier things to say to someone you were in a three-way relationship with, but not a lot.
Sasuke's voice turned frosty. "Shut up."
Naruto had had the vague thought that maybe Sasuke wanted to be the one in the tent with her, because if Naruto had been sitting out in the cold while his teammates were all cozy and asleep, that's where he should have wanted to be, too. He hadn't been serious, though -- Sasuke was so haughty and emotionally constipated that accusing him of jealousy always got a twinge of response, even when it had nothing to do with anything.
But that reaction meant Naruto was right.
And wrong, too -- he knew that suddenly, something in the pitch of Sasuke's voice, the precise nuance of his frustration. It wasn't Naruto Sasuke was jealous of.
"... Oh. Seriously?"
"That meant no, retard. Now go back inside, you're bothersome."
Somehow it wasn't very convincing when Sasuke sounded vaguely wounded.
Naruto sat on the ground in silence for a minute, trying to figure out what to do. He'd never been exceedingly sensitive, and it was a little strange to think that Sasuke would be jealous of Sakura over him. Maybe he'd misunderstood. And even if he hadn't, how was he supposed to fix it? He wasn't in a mood to fix anything.
Now he felt even shittier for threatening to go back to Sakura. A bit alarmed too -- Sasuke just had to love Sakura. He couldn't not love her -- the thought of how much it would hurt her made Naruto sick to his stomach...
But he didn't know how to say that without making a bigger mess of things -- the wrong words would make Sasuke really think that Sakura mattered more than him to Naruto -- and there was something else Naruto should say first anyway. So he blurted it out, before he could overthink everything some more. "I'm sorry."
"...About what?"
"Just... Shouldn't have said that."
Sasuke didn't ask 'That what?'; Naruto relaxed and laughed weakly. He couldn't be that angry if he wasn't forcing Naruto to give his apology in excruciating detail.
"I'm an ass, yeah?"
Sasuke snorted. "Yeah." There was a moment of silence. "...At least you're in good company."
Naruto's smile grew a little less shaky. An acknowledgement that Sasuke too behaved like an ass on occasion, so Naruto's own lapses weren't too surprising, was worth a dozen formal 'Apology accepted.'
But he didn't have a clue how to broach the 'How jealous of her are you exactly' topic. What if he pissed Sasuke off and then the bastard felt even more isolated? What if Sakura woke up and overheard? What if ...?
... What he really wanted to ask was whether Sasuke was in love with Sakura. But it wasn't his place -- Sasuke should tell Sakura, or Sakura should hint, or -- whatever, Naruto didn't have the right to ask, not that the bastard would ever answer him.
Maybe he wasn't in love with Sakura, not yet -- or maybe he was, who knew, he was king of denial -- but Naruto had eyes and he could see the tenderness, and the growing reciprocity in the way he touched her shoulder, brushed his lips against her hair. But asking point blank was guaranteed to trigger the bastard's amazing stonewalling capacity and delay even more his and Sakura's situation.
What Naruto really, really wondered, was whether Sasuke was in love with him. Except, in a way, he really didn't want to ask.
The thought made him feel strange. Their bond was unbreakable, deeper than anything, but at times it seemed too painful and weird to claim the name of love. It was just... there. They belonged with each other, wouldn't be complete, wouldn't stand upright properly on their own. The annoyance and the fights were real enough, but the way they could -- and would -- tear each other to shreds inside and out didn't change a thing. In a way 'love' seemed too ordinary.
And in another way, if Sasuke declared himself to him, it didn't matter that they were totally (non-girlishly) soulmates, or they'd been sleeping together for months, Naruto would probably fluster himself into an early grave, by way of blurting out something dumb and catching a fist-shaped backlash in the face.
At least there was probably zero risk of Naruto having to figure out what the hell he should do with an armful of red roses.
"Your brain is going to overheat."
Naruto blinked, startled out of his thoughts. "... Hey!" He glared up, not that it mattered much. Sasuke could talk about Naruto being in good company -- so far the Uchiha still had the unbroken record of assholishness across the whole of Konoha. Naruto wouldn't be surprised if he died at eighty in his bed still holding the title.
"... It's not gonna overheat in this weather anyway," Naruto muttered.
A cold gust of wind ran through the island, giving him all the excuse he needed to climb on the rock Sasuke used as a seat and lean against his side. Naruto hugged his knees to his chest and stared straight ahead, pretending the contact was a total accident.
Sasuke nudged him in the ribs with his elbow, but the lack of hard shove to the ground was all the confirmation Naruto needed.
"What is this, 'lean on Sasuke' night?"
"Oh shut up, it's your fault you're warm."
Sasuke made an irritated noise, but refrained from otherwise counterattacking. Naruto relaxed with a slow sigh.
He was sure now; Sasuke liked him -- perhaps not in a heart-aflutter way, Sasuke would never ever let that show, but at least enough to allow him to mope and sulk without kicking him into shape, and even enough to be nice, in a stealthy Sasuke way. And his moments of Sakura jealousy couldn't be that bad or he'd have been more of a grumpy, sulky asshole, and he'd been downright sociable recently, especially in that shower stall. And maybe Naruto had overreacted about Sakura's words; by the end, she'd been petting and cuddling with him, after all -- maybe she'd just needed some time to get used to it and was already over it. It wouldn't be right to mope for days because her acceptance of his scary freakishness had taken a few minutes.
"... Do you find it creepy too?"
Sasuke shrugged. "It's weird. Wild foxes aren't supposed to be human-shaped." His matter-of-fact tone said he didn't care much, though. "But you don't ravage the countryside or piss on things inside the house. I'm sure I can survive."
Naruto leaned into Sasuke and licked a long wet trail over his jaw.
"Hey!" Sasuke shoved his shoulder and rubbed his cheek dry with his sleeve. "That wasn't an invitation to be disgusting."
Naruto laughed. "Oh, come off it, like I never licked you other places."
"This conversation is over."
Naruto's shoulders shook with a laugh he couldn't let out; it would have been too loud. He nudged Sasuke with his shoulder, leaned more of his weight against the other teenager. He really was warm; Naruto made a pleased sound and burrowed closer, wedging an arm between Sasuke's back and the rock.
"If an enemy attacks, I won't hesitate to go through you."
Naruto rolled his eyes, unconvinced. "Uh huh."
He closed his eyes. The night air was fresh and clean, carrying the smell of night-blooming flowers. His foot was wedged against Sasuke's thigh. Granted, there was gravel embedded in his ass, but it wasn't pointy enough to matter.
It was almost cozy, really.
"...Are you really determined to stay up?" Sasuke asked with unconvincing annoyance.
"Yeah. I'm not sleepy."
Sasuke grumbled under his breath. "Fine, if you want to be exhausted tomorrow." He crossed his arms and leaned back against the rock -- against Naruto's arm too, incidentally. Naruto would lose circulation in his fingers pretty soon. "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when you get tired."
"Heh." Naruto didn't bother pulling free, so Sasuke wouldn't 'be reminded' of the fact that technically Naruto was kinda-sorta holding him. "Okay. 'Night, boyfriend."
"... Don't call me pet names."
"Sure thing, darling."
"... Naruto."
"Babe?"
"Naruto."
Hehe. "... Night, Sasuke."
Sakura was supposed to have the last shift once Sasuke's was done, but Naruto kept watch until the sky turned from black to peach and gold.
After that of course he fell asleep, and Sakura had to wake them both up, and just about anything could have attacked them with no sentry my god what were you thinking, but nothing had, so he groped them both and ran.
Next (team kunoichi stuff)
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By the way, I decided the chapter was getting too long and didn't need six POV shifts, so I cut it in two, and now all the Team Kunoichi stuff is technically chapter 4. Disorganized, me? Never.
Blahdiblah not betaread yet, if you want to point out mistakes I'll love you forever, this scene is mostly fallout from previous and setup for later stuff, so it's rather inbetween and I'm not sure it really has much merit on its own.
(Apart from the narusasu stuff, which I'm not sure is 100% alright since it's been so long since the last time I did it. DX )
First scene of chapter 3 (Team Seven disembarked on blahblah beach blah) - Previous scene (FoxyNaru antics in the night)
"You're awake, aren't you."
Naruto grunted an affirmative before he could think better of it. He blinked in the dark as he realized his mistake, and then groaned and let his head fall back on Sasuke's foot.
"How long?"
He sighed when Sasuke bounced his toes a little, making Naruto's head move. Naruto should have stayed in the shelter with Sakura instead of coming back out to listen to the night. He'd been comfortable with her, spooned against her back. Well, physically so.
"... Dunno. A while. Kinda." The words felt strange, tongue too thick, jaw a little too tense. At least it wasn't gibberish; fifteen minutes ago, it would have been. Even now making whole sentences seemed like a hassle.
Sasuke didn't push, of course. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes. He sort of wished he would. But the day Sasuke grilled him on his little feelings... Hah.
It was so quiet now that they were alone. And moving away from Sakura did nothing to stop him thinking and allow him to sleep.
"Hey Sasuke..."
"Hm?"
"Is it really creepy?"
Sasuke, of course, didn't as a rule spare Naruto's feelings any more than he asked Naruto to share them. "Yeah."
Naruto hunched a little. 'Creepy.' Even if Sasuke didn't care much either way, the word still stung.
It hadn't been like an on-off switch, between him and the weird fox-mind, more like a sliding scale. He'd heard and registered most of the conversation -- he just hadn't understood the implications right away. It hadn't hit until he was curled against Sakura's back.
He sighed; Sasuke kicked him lightly in the kidneys. Well, lightly for Sasuke. Naruto lifted his head and glared in the approximate direction of his face. "Ow. What the hell?"
"What's the use of working out a schedule if you won't sleep when it's your turn?" Sasuke grouched. "Go get some rest already."
"I'm not tired."
"Liar."
"I'm not!"
"You are. You're distracting me, too."
Naruto made a noise of indignation. "You're the one talking to me! I'd be quiet if you weren't all 'it's chatty hour' or something. Do you want me to go back to Sakura that bad?"
Naruto hadn't really intended to say that -- hadn't intended to even mention her, because then it reminded him that it wasn't just the tent he didn't feel like returning to. Guilt closed his throat.
It took him several seconds to notice Sasuke hadn't answered, was still suspiciously quiet. Naruto pushed himself upright with his hands and blinked. Squinting, he could see the pale oval of Sasuke's face, just enough detail to realize Sasuke was staring at him right back.
"... Heh." He laughed, slightly nervous. "Almost looks like you're jealous." He regretted the words as soon as they were out; there were shittier things to say to someone you were in a three-way relationship with, but not a lot.
Sasuke's voice turned frosty. "Shut up."
Naruto had had the vague thought that maybe Sasuke wanted to be the one in the tent with her, because if Naruto had been sitting out in the cold while his teammates were all cozy and asleep, that's where he should have wanted to be, too. He hadn't been serious, though -- Sasuke was so haughty and emotionally constipated that accusing him of jealousy always got a twinge of response, even when it had nothing to do with anything.
But that reaction meant Naruto was right.
And wrong, too -- he knew that suddenly, something in the pitch of Sasuke's voice, the precise nuance of his frustration. It wasn't Naruto Sasuke was jealous of.
"... Oh. Seriously?"
"That meant no, retard. Now go back inside, you're bothersome."
Somehow it wasn't very convincing when Sasuke sounded vaguely wounded.
Naruto sat on the ground in silence for a minute, trying to figure out what to do. He'd never been exceedingly sensitive, and it was a little strange to think that Sasuke would be jealous of Sakura over him. Maybe he'd misunderstood. And even if he hadn't, how was he supposed to fix it? He wasn't in a mood to fix anything.
Now he felt even shittier for threatening to go back to Sakura. A bit alarmed too -- Sasuke just had to love Sakura. He couldn't not love her -- the thought of how much it would hurt her made Naruto sick to his stomach...
But he didn't know how to say that without making a bigger mess of things -- the wrong words would make Sasuke really think that Sakura mattered more than him to Naruto -- and there was something else Naruto should say first anyway. So he blurted it out, before he could overthink everything some more. "I'm sorry."
"...About what?"
"Just... Shouldn't have said that."
Sasuke didn't ask 'That what?'; Naruto relaxed and laughed weakly. He couldn't be that angry if he wasn't forcing Naruto to give his apology in excruciating detail.
"I'm an ass, yeah?"
Sasuke snorted. "Yeah." There was a moment of silence. "...At least you're in good company."
Naruto's smile grew a little less shaky. An acknowledgement that Sasuke too behaved like an ass on occasion, so Naruto's own lapses weren't too surprising, was worth a dozen formal 'Apology accepted.'
But he didn't have a clue how to broach the 'How jealous of her are you exactly' topic. What if he pissed Sasuke off and then the bastard felt even more isolated? What if Sakura woke up and overheard? What if ...?
... What he really wanted to ask was whether Sasuke was in love with Sakura. But it wasn't his place -- Sasuke should tell Sakura, or Sakura should hint, or -- whatever, Naruto didn't have the right to ask, not that the bastard would ever answer him.
Maybe he wasn't in love with Sakura, not yet -- or maybe he was, who knew, he was king of denial -- but Naruto had eyes and he could see the tenderness, and the growing reciprocity in the way he touched her shoulder, brushed his lips against her hair. But asking point blank was guaranteed to trigger the bastard's amazing stonewalling capacity and delay even more his and Sakura's situation.
What Naruto really, really wondered, was whether Sasuke was in love with him. Except, in a way, he really didn't want to ask.
The thought made him feel strange. Their bond was unbreakable, deeper than anything, but at times it seemed too painful and weird to claim the name of love. It was just... there. They belonged with each other, wouldn't be complete, wouldn't stand upright properly on their own. The annoyance and the fights were real enough, but the way they could -- and would -- tear each other to shreds inside and out didn't change a thing. In a way 'love' seemed too ordinary.
And in another way, if Sasuke declared himself to him, it didn't matter that they were totally (non-girlishly) soulmates, or they'd been sleeping together for months, Naruto would probably fluster himself into an early grave, by way of blurting out something dumb and catching a fist-shaped backlash in the face.
At least there was probably zero risk of Naruto having to figure out what the hell he should do with an armful of red roses.
"Your brain is going to overheat."
Naruto blinked, startled out of his thoughts. "... Hey!" He glared up, not that it mattered much. Sasuke could talk about Naruto being in good company -- so far the Uchiha still had the unbroken record of assholishness across the whole of Konoha. Naruto wouldn't be surprised if he died at eighty in his bed still holding the title.
"... It's not gonna overheat in this weather anyway," Naruto muttered.
A cold gust of wind ran through the island, giving him all the excuse he needed to climb on the rock Sasuke used as a seat and lean against his side. Naruto hugged his knees to his chest and stared straight ahead, pretending the contact was a total accident.
Sasuke nudged him in the ribs with his elbow, but the lack of hard shove to the ground was all the confirmation Naruto needed.
"What is this, 'lean on Sasuke' night?"
"Oh shut up, it's your fault you're warm."
Sasuke made an irritated noise, but refrained from otherwise counterattacking. Naruto relaxed with a slow sigh.
He was sure now; Sasuke liked him -- perhaps not in a heart-aflutter way, Sasuke would never ever let that show, but at least enough to allow him to mope and sulk without kicking him into shape, and even enough to be nice, in a stealthy Sasuke way. And his moments of Sakura jealousy couldn't be that bad or he'd have been more of a grumpy, sulky asshole, and he'd been downright sociable recently, especially in that shower stall. And maybe Naruto had overreacted about Sakura's words; by the end, she'd been petting and cuddling with him, after all -- maybe she'd just needed some time to get used to it and was already over it. It wouldn't be right to mope for days because her acceptance of his scary freakishness had taken a few minutes.
"... Do you find it creepy too?"
Sasuke shrugged. "It's weird. Wild foxes aren't supposed to be human-shaped." His matter-of-fact tone said he didn't care much, though. "But you don't ravage the countryside or piss on things inside the house. I'm sure I can survive."
Naruto leaned into Sasuke and licked a long wet trail over his jaw.
"Hey!" Sasuke shoved his shoulder and rubbed his cheek dry with his sleeve. "That wasn't an invitation to be disgusting."
Naruto laughed. "Oh, come off it, like I never licked you other places."
"This conversation is over."
Naruto's shoulders shook with a laugh he couldn't let out; it would have been too loud. He nudged Sasuke with his shoulder, leaned more of his weight against the other teenager. He really was warm; Naruto made a pleased sound and burrowed closer, wedging an arm between Sasuke's back and the rock.
"If an enemy attacks, I won't hesitate to go through you."
Naruto rolled his eyes, unconvinced. "Uh huh."
He closed his eyes. The night air was fresh and clean, carrying the smell of night-blooming flowers. His foot was wedged against Sasuke's thigh. Granted, there was gravel embedded in his ass, but it wasn't pointy enough to matter.
It was almost cozy, really.
"...Are you really determined to stay up?" Sasuke asked with unconvincing annoyance.
"Yeah. I'm not sleepy."
Sasuke grumbled under his breath. "Fine, if you want to be exhausted tomorrow." He crossed his arms and leaned back against the rock -- against Naruto's arm too, incidentally. Naruto would lose circulation in his fingers pretty soon. "I'm taking a nap. Wake me up when you get tired."
"Heh." Naruto didn't bother pulling free, so Sasuke wouldn't 'be reminded' of the fact that technically Naruto was kinda-sorta holding him. "Okay. 'Night, boyfriend."
"... Don't call me pet names."
"Sure thing, darling."
"... Naruto."
"Babe?"
"Naruto."
Hehe. "... Night, Sasuke."
Sakura was supposed to have the last shift once Sasuke's was done, but Naruto kept watch until the sky turned from black to peach and gold.
After that of course he fell asleep, and Sakura had to wake them both up, and just about anything could have attacked them with no sentry my god what were you thinking, but nothing had, so he groped them both and ran.
Next (team kunoichi stuff)
--------------
By the way, I decided the chapter was getting too long and didn't need six POV shifts, so I cut it in two, and now all the Team Kunoichi stuff is technically chapter 4. Disorganized, me? Never.

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Fun Fun!
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I think maybe it should be a little padded, because there are points where things shift too fast... hrrm. I'll fix that later. thanks hon ^__^
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(Anonymous) 2008-08-01 03:05 pm (UTC)(link)Yayyy! Asuka writing (almost) for my birthday!!!
OK, beta stuff. (I've never done beta for you, so I figure it's my turn.) There are only a few little nitpicky things:
1) "He wanted to pretend Sasuke hadn't known he was listening to the conversation -- the bastard had probably noticed Naruto was waking up even before Naruto himself realized -- and wouldn't guess he was being a coward." Could just be me (I got a cold for my birthday, giftwrapped and everything), but I find the last part of that sentence a little muddled. I assume Naruto is hoping Sasuke isn't picking up on his (Naruto's) little patch of cowardice? Maybe it should say, "--and wouldn't guess at Naruto's momentary failure of courage," or something like that. (Now that I reread that, I'm not sure that's very clear either. Hmm.)
2) "A cold gust of wind ran through the island"--This would probably read better if it were "A cold gust of wind ran over the island," or "A cold gust of wind ran through the nearby grasses."
3) "Okay. 'night, boyfriend." (Heeheehee...) 'night should be 'Night, even though it's a forshortening of goodnight. (Silly tweaky English.)
Aaaannnnd... "His foot was wedged against Sasuke's thigh." I notice that Naruto not only wants to plonk his ass on Sasuke's foot, he wants the reverse!
(P.S. "Emotionally constipated" is the best description of Sasuke I've ever read.)
d'aww, happy birthday!
yay beta stuff! thank you thank you.
1) you're right, it's an awkward part. I wrote and then edited out stuff and it feels a little weird now. i'm not detached enough to be able to judge properly at the moment, so I'll fix it tomorrow or something. ~_____~ But thanks for the suggestions. ^___^
2)... oops. XDD;;;
3) okay, okay. Still it looks like it's a full word like that. Ahh. XD
Naruto wants cuuuuddles. u.u He's just too manly to ask. Silly boy.
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The subtle play between them is the real gem of this piece.. how they interact and what isn't said... <333 Plus I liked the little bit of jealousy over Sakura... But this was a delicious piece of shounen-ai. It was well worth the wait! <3
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Hehe. Thank you. ^___^
It was kind of...
Naruto: ... Wait, you actually like me? Like, like? ...oh. #.______.#
Sasuke: ... we've been together for almost three months and you notice that now? >:(
Oh, boys. XD
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Omg Naruto was hearing what Sakura said!! And now he's all insecure about it!
"... Do you find it creepy too?" ---> Ohh Naruto <3
Sasuke didn't push, of course. Naruto sighed and closed his eyes. He sort of wished he would. But the day Sasuke grilled him on his little feelings... Hah. ---> More Naruto <3
Naruto hadn't really intended to say that -- hadn't intended to even mention her, to imply that it wasn't just the tent he didn't feel like returning to. Guilt closed his throat. ---> YAY!!! GUILT! And I love the last sentence especially for some reason =D
"Oh shut up, it's your fault you're warm." Hee. I can see this. Sasuke's reaction!!
I know I haven't quoted much... anything from Sasuke (how strange... not like me at all...), but I love him just as much in this chapter!! He's being comforting, in his own, prickly, jealous sort of way. =D Ohsocute <3
No wait, I found a quote I liked very much =D
"What's the use of assigning a schedule if you won't sleep when it's your turn,"
---> Oh Sasuke. That's such manly way of expressing worry/feelings XDD
Then, the nitpicks:
Naruto hadn't really intended to say that -- hadn't intended to even mention her
---> I was thinking you you might want to replace "intended" with "meant". There's nothing wrong with it, at all; it's just... more Naruto-like to say it like that? IMO, anyway.
"...Are you really determined not to sleep yet?"
---> There's something odd about this to me. I can't really put my finger on it... But I'll get back to it later. Anybody else wanna help figure it out? I think it's the "yet" at the end that confuses me... Oh, what about "Are you really so determined not to sleep?". That still sounds a little off... Oh well.
Oh, and I think it's a good idea to cut the chapter into two. Then you can beef up your chapter count too! =p (jokes, jokes)
Plus, the two chapters are about two different things anyway; and they have different speeds (dynamics?)
PS: Er, I accidentally posted the wrong comment here before, so I deleted it... Hope you don't mind? >_>
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Kidding. XD For comments like that you can double-post as much as you want, lovely. X3 Bweee.
Sasuke, comforting? You must be wrong. He's never comforting. He's mean and cold and cruel and hates everything. That's why he lets Naruto cuddle up -- um, yeah. the, uh, the better to crush him afterward. Or something. >.>;;;
Thank you for the help too. I don't have the brainpower right now, but I'll fix the chapter tomorrow. ^__________^
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Would I do that? D:
Thank you, dear~ u.u (also, re: your pm... omg HER? Oh man I always wanted to know so badly. No surprise at the quality then. Damn it. XD)
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Yes. I believe you would. Not sure if there's a French equivalent, but there's a phrase that's bandied about: "If you put a gun in the first act of a movie, it'll go off by the third." ^_^
And I don't remember the PM. Refresh my memory, by PM?
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okay, okay, fine. Maybe I'm planning Kyuubi stuff at some point.
like next chapter if I can. >.>... *squints* oops wrong lynn. It was Tephra, not you. Why'd you two have to have T-h-a-lynn names, hmm. Sorry. *loses* XDDD
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This scene does require that you'll need to make a small change to the Sakura POV scene beforehand:
She crawled back in their shelter, burrowed under the blankets, and shivered. But a minute later a warm body crawled in after her and curled up against her back. It didn't take her long to go back to sleep.
So if the two guys stay outside, there's no warm body. Unless it's some island creature, which could be really funny . . .
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(the island creature should so be an omake. *ponders writing crack about it*)
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Also, in
It took him several seconds to notice Sasuke hadn't answered, was still suspiciously quiet. Naruto pushed himself upright with his hands and blinked. Squinting, he could see the pale oval of Sasuke's face, just enough detail to realize Sasuke was watching him right back.
The first and last sentences feel kind of choppy, because they are so close together? :|
♥
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Hrrm. But I like both, which one do I edit, wahh. XD
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I like the description; I can picture this scene really well. . . . Sasuke is, if anything, honest and blunt. Except in some situations, then he gets shy and uncomfortable, though still pretty honest. I wonder if eventually he’ll think, “Oh screw it all, might as well talk about it now so the other two don’t keep nagging me.” . . . . Hell, light or not for anyone, getting kicked in the kidneys hurts. >.< . . . . I like the slight-ish tenseness of their dialogue. . . . Lol. “What is this, ‘lean on Sasuke’ night?” ^_^ Question, though, about the elbowing: Does he have to do that just for form’s sake? Is there any time when he might enjoy the contact just a little, even grudgingly, enough so that he doesn’t give any hint of “Don’t touch me?” I mean, I’d like to hear that from his POV sometime. . . . Hehehe, I liked the licking part. =D I hope we get to see a scene where Naruto does “lick him in other places,” hehehe. >D . . . . “If an enemy attacks, I won’t hesitate to go through you.” Yeah, he will. 9_9 . . . . “Wake me up when you get tired.” By then, it’ll be too late; Naruto will have fallen asleep before he wakes Sasuke. . . . “’night, boyfriend.” “. . . Don’t ever call me that again.” Why not? Sasuke wanted Naruto to call him that in Teamwork 2:
"No fucking way in hell. You're her fiance, so you have to have a ring. I'm your -- I got it for you. You gotta give it to her."
"My boyfriend."
"...What?"
"My boyfriend. Our boyfriend. Our lover. Say it."
Naruto stared at him for a second; Sasuke refused to stop glaring at him. The blond hesitated, tongue flicking out to lick his lips nervously, then smiled.
"Alright. I'm your ... boyfriend -- man, that sounds gay," he laughed, and dodged a punch from Sasuke.
Cute ending. ♥
Something I’ve kind of noticed through the progression from Teamwork 1 to 3 is that Sasuke seems to get even more tense around them. He seemed to really be a part of something in the original fic, but then he kept getting more and more distant, except for an occasional moment now and then, and even those feel cold compared to the first fic. Also, I would’ve thought that all those heated discussions in the second story would’ve lightened up Sasuke a bit. Or had shown a little more of an effect on him. He just . . . (*sigh*) he doesn’t feel like he’s a part of the team; he’s just there. =\
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“Wake me up when you get tired.” By then, it’ll be too late; Naruto will have fallen asleep before he wakes Sasuke.
*snerk* Oh yeah.
I had a line about how there was a difference between boyfriend as a description of the relationship and boyfriend used as a pet name, but it was bogging things down too much so I deleted it. Basically Sasuke is fine with being Naruto's boyfriend, he just doesn't want him to use it like that in discussion. "by the way, Lee, I don't know if we told you but Sasuke is my boyfriend" = okay, "aww, thank you, boyfriend of my heart" = not okay. (beside even in that passage sasuke was embarrassed by the word and didn't like having to say it out loud, he was just proving a point. He's not casual about throwing it around even when it's not as a pet name.)
As for how Sasuke seems to get more tense around them and not less, I see where you're getting that from, though I honestly didn't notice it as an issue until you mentioned it. There's some deliberate "not sharing certain things", like how he still plans to go and die against his brother and can't afford to go too soft on them, but in TW3 the issue is that he's on the job. The thought of his brother killing the baby really shook him in TW2. So that plus the obsessive research on the seal got his attention then -- now that the research is done, he's still got the newly strengthened "my brother is still around and I need to take steps to fix that" obsession. And in TW3 proper, they're going through the exam, they're supposed to act professionally. He's already not good at being tender during downtime, so juggling their romantic relationship with their working one doesn't work. So he often falls back on the professional one. (though there's still the shower scene, this scene with naruto, and then the shoulder kissing with Sakura; which prove he's not entirely cutting them off either.)
It might be that current canon is unconsciously affecting my point of view on how the Valley of the End would have affected team seven. I started the fic when we still thought Naruto would manage to bring him back and fix everything, severely underestimating Sasuke's issues. Sasuke was a little too okay with getting shacked up in TW1 -- it would have been fine for a lone fic, but now i've got five big multiparts planned plus a bazilion one-shots, where do I progress from there if there's no setback on the way DX When I rewrote the last time, I edited some of the Sasuke mushiness but I couldn't fix everything.
I really don't know here. There are still issues that make part of his attention turned away from them, but I can't really see it as him not being part of the team. Maybe I'm just assuming too much that what I feel is going in is clear enough in the text and basically writing it wrong. Is it a permanent issue or just in certain scenes? Where is it missing most?
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Naruto laughed. "Oh, come off it, like I never licked you other places."
"This conversation is over."
Ohohoho I can just imagine Sasuke's face~ Favorite part by far :D
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Thank you, hon! ^__^
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That is all. :-)
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(also this begs the question... What is Sasuke's like? Naruto dreams in terms of rooms and walls (not my first choice, but canon makes it hard to use other things) and interprets the chakra pipeline as a tunnel between his room and Sakura's, but Sakura sees the bridge and a differently-colored current down her river. I think if ever she went down in the river and walked up it (and she probably wouldn't want to because her subconscious says it isn't a place for people/presences/souls) then she would find a lake, and a small island with Naruto in the middle. What would Sasuke interpret things as... Hm. Difficult. He might see his old house where his parents died actually, but that's a bit too obvious. XD; Maybe as an Uchiha he would see things in other people like they themselves see it -- he did see the Kyuubi cage... but his own inner place? Hmm.)
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(Anonymous) 2008-08-05 07:29 pm (UTC)(link)"At least Sakura hadn't minded petting and cuddling with him, and she'd seemed to relax toward the end -- maybe SHE just needed to get used to it..."
the way the sentence reads Sakura is used to it.. i think your referring to Sasuke when you said 'she' and Sasuke while pretty enough to be a girl, is a boy lmao ^_^
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Love it!
I write myself even if I tend to bash myself after I finish something (if I finish it...)
I remember you complaining about two things - I'm not sure if it still bothers you but...
The first thing was SakuNaru. You said you see them as friends and not lovers. If it's still so, I don't think that there are big problems. Love consists of romance which easily consists of friendship and lust. I think it's not that hard to write that Naruto is sexually attractive to her since he's such a stud. When they have the two components they easily evolve into bigger loving so no worries about that.
You know the term - friends with benefits? It consists of friendship and lust, right? And some people claim that it's not love at all. Well, I think (and I could surely be wrong), that they are either in denial or the heart to heart component isn't big enough. Sakura and Naruto, do they really lack that? :(
Other thing was that you worried long time ago that you made Sakura potentially killer strong so I felt that you were subduing her power with the talks - she won't be able to access her full Kyuubi chakra and so. I think she should be badass strong. Wouldn't that give more reasons for the competitive boys to get stronger? They wouldn't want their sweetheart suddenly topping them. That could potentially fic that your Team 7 isn't as strong as the cannon are. The motivation they needed?
Probably my words will be seen as rambling and even if you find my words stupid at least I shall feel like I have put some insight in this.
Now to go hang myself from the embarrassment of saying something potentially stupid.Re: Love it!
*huggles* don't worry, nothing about it was stupid. ^__^ thank you very much. I'll think about what you said. (it was a long time ago though. XD;; I like Sakura progressing slowly. She'll reach canon-strong eventually.)
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So I liked very much the editing, it made things clearer^^ Naruto needing some cuddling and comforting and realizing Sasuke feels something other than lust for him and
"I'm an ass, yeah?"
Sasuke snorted. "Yeah." There was a moment of silence. "...At least you're in good company."
Awww Sasuke!
(I agree though with whoever commented that Sasuke in Tmk1 was more ehm...present?XD; )
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Sweeeet
I'm sorry you're going to be stuck next to the Grandma from Hell (tm). I suggest melatonin pills in her water supply (after you arrive, at least--Gram drool on the shoulder when stuck for many hours in a backseat is truly not recommended). (Unless you're really, really sick.) (Like Orochimaru sick.) (That sick.)
Re: Sweeeet
thank you, lovely. Vacation went well in the end so yay ^__^
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Sadly, this is the last Teamwork tidbit I can read for the day, I have to study. But, hopefully I'll be back soon. Take care!
~Sara