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sasunarusakuhinakaka crack ficlething.
Never has my icon been more appropriate.
Mmm, Sasuke/Naruto/Sakura/Hinata/Kakashi.
Yeah, really.
See, I was at this forum, and we were listing our fave threesomes and foursomes and.
Well.
I found a soulmate, who introduced me to the wonders of narusasusakukaka and narusasusakuhina. BUT I COULDN'T CHOOSE WHICH I LIKED BEST. ;____;
So of course I wrote both in one. u.u
(relax, it's crack, not porny. XD It's also unpolished and unbetaed, be warned.)
Sasuke frowned, and gave the cowering girl a suspicious look. She flinched, fidgeted nervously; Sasuke turned his head to glare at Naruto instead.
"You want to what?"
Naruto glared back at him, and wound a protective arm around Hinata's shoulders.
"Invite her in."
"... Are you kidding," Sasuke retorted flatly.
"Why would I be kidding about that?! No I'm not."
"This is a threesome, Uzumaki, not a walk-in harem!"
"Yeah well why couldn't it be a foursome? Hinata's a great girl!"
Sasuke glanced at Sakura, frowning imperiously to request some goddamn support, but Sakura didn't say anything. She sat there, a thoughtful look on her face, and she waited.
"She's super-nice, and she's brave, and she's got a great nindo! And she gets along well with Sakura-chan."
"That doesn't mean Sakura will want to sleep with a girl, and it's not a foursome if you're the only one she wants to be with."
Hinata blushed violently, and Sakura bit her lip and cautiously avoided looking his way. Naruto made a weird face, as if he didn't know whether to sneer or to laugh.
"Uh, bastard... You remember that time, with the sexy-no-jutsu...?"
Sasuke closed his mouth. ... Damn it. How come he always lost to Naruto's arguments, when Naruto's arguments were that retarded? Perhaps it was just that they were so insane he couldn't find a logic that would work against them. Since they existed in a world that logic simply never touched. Yeah. That was it.
"I don't want to sleep with her."
Hinata flinched, and for a half-second Sasuke felt guilty, but he smothered it.
"Aw, come on, she could make you tea and you could have someone to watch the koi with in the garden or something."
"Naruto..."
"And you two would be extra-pretty, together in bed."
The leaves rustled with the wind, as Hinata's face combusted, and Sakura's mouth fell open in a little 'oh' of surprise and contemplation.
Sasuke decided to shift the conversation, because it was a ridiculous conversation and yet he was starting to lose, and that was not acceptable. He twitched his head, sending bis bangs flying back irritatedly. "If we're adding her in, why not invite Kakashi while we're at it?"
Naruto gaped at him. "Wait -- you're hot for Kakashi-sensei?"
It was a very bad time for flashbacks to adolescent fantasies about, ahem, hands-on training. A very bad time. Therefore, Sasuke didn't flashback. He just growled. "No! I just said it like that, it didn't mean anything!"
Once again, the whole forest seemed to stop just to listen to him. Sakura and Hinata were looking at him like they were quite embarrassed for him, because it had to be painful to lie so badly. Sasuke remembered, too late, that Sakura knew him too well, and that Hinata had the Byakugan. And Naruto didn't need very long before he deciphered the looks the girls were giving him.
"Oh my god, you totally do. But he's like -- he's Kakashi-sensei!"
Sasuke would have denied to the death being even able to blush, but sadly for him, today there were witnesses. "And she's Hyuuga Hinata, what the hell is your point?!"
"It's not the same!! She's super-cute and she's hot and I really like her! I love her personality, and she's always there if I need her, and she makes this little squeal when you poke her ribs, and she'd look damn good in bed between you and Sakura-chan, and -- and -- and my god if you tell me Kakashi-sensei squeals I'll barf."
"He doesn't," Sasuke assured him between his clenched teeth. But Kakashi's, ahem, 'lower back' flexed wonderfully when he bent over. No way was Sasuke sharing that, though.
Sakura coughed in her fist, attracting their attention away from each other. She took the time to send a reassuring smile Hinata's way, before giving her boys an innocent look that neither Sasuke nor Naruto trusted.
"I'm in favor of it."
Sasuke gave her a wary look. "... Which one?"
Sakura smiled, pure, innocent, and adorably cute, all rolled into one. Sasuke and Naruto took an instinctive step back.
"Both of them, of course."
"What?!"
Sakura got up on her feet, dusted herself off, and turned toward the boys. "Naruto, Hinata is in love with you. You really, really like her. As long as you don't leave us, go for it. You'll both be happier. Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei is lonely, he loves us, and he's totally unable to accept that we haven't been twelve in a very long time, but he still stares at your butt whenever you bend over."
There was a rustle of leaves and broken branches somewhere deep in the woods, followed by suspicious, tracked-animal stillness. Sakura's smile turned smug and somewhat devious.
"And as a matter of fact, it IS a harem. Mine."
She left the two gobsmacked boys there, stepping up to the Hyuuga girl and slipping her arm in hers.
"Say, Hinata-chan, do you mind going to pick up Kakashi with me?"
"Ah -- ahh... I... That... Alright, Sakura-chan."
Naruto and Sasuke were left alone in the clearing, gobsmacked. All around them, the forest resonated with rustling leaves and smashed trees.
Mmm, Sasuke/Naruto/Sakura/Hinata/Kakashi.
Yeah, really.
See, I was at this forum, and we were listing our fave threesomes and foursomes and.
Well.
I found a soulmate, who introduced me to the wonders of narusasusakukaka and narusasusakuhina. BUT I COULDN'T CHOOSE WHICH I LIKED BEST. ;____;
So of course I wrote both in one. u.u
(relax, it's crack, not porny. XD It's also unpolished and unbetaed, be warned.)
Sasuke frowned, and gave the cowering girl a suspicious look. She flinched, fidgeted nervously; Sasuke turned his head to glare at Naruto instead.
"You want to what?"
Naruto glared back at him, and wound a protective arm around Hinata's shoulders.
"Invite her in."
"... Are you kidding," Sasuke retorted flatly.
"Why would I be kidding about that?! No I'm not."
"This is a threesome, Uzumaki, not a walk-in harem!"
"Yeah well why couldn't it be a foursome? Hinata's a great girl!"
Sasuke glanced at Sakura, frowning imperiously to request some goddamn support, but Sakura didn't say anything. She sat there, a thoughtful look on her face, and she waited.
"She's super-nice, and she's brave, and she's got a great nindo! And she gets along well with Sakura-chan."
"That doesn't mean Sakura will want to sleep with a girl, and it's not a foursome if you're the only one she wants to be with."
Hinata blushed violently, and Sakura bit her lip and cautiously avoided looking his way. Naruto made a weird face, as if he didn't know whether to sneer or to laugh.
"Uh, bastard... You remember that time, with the sexy-no-jutsu...?"
Sasuke closed his mouth. ... Damn it. How come he always lost to Naruto's arguments, when Naruto's arguments were that retarded? Perhaps it was just that they were so insane he couldn't find a logic that would work against them. Since they existed in a world that logic simply never touched. Yeah. That was it.
"I don't want to sleep with her."
Hinata flinched, and for a half-second Sasuke felt guilty, but he smothered it.
"Aw, come on, she could make you tea and you could have someone to watch the koi with in the garden or something."
"Naruto..."
"And you two would be extra-pretty, together in bed."
The leaves rustled with the wind, as Hinata's face combusted, and Sakura's mouth fell open in a little 'oh' of surprise and contemplation.
Sasuke decided to shift the conversation, because it was a ridiculous conversation and yet he was starting to lose, and that was not acceptable. He twitched his head, sending bis bangs flying back irritatedly. "If we're adding her in, why not invite Kakashi while we're at it?"
Naruto gaped at him. "Wait -- you're hot for Kakashi-sensei?"
It was a very bad time for flashbacks to adolescent fantasies about, ahem, hands-on training. A very bad time. Therefore, Sasuke didn't flashback. He just growled. "No! I just said it like that, it didn't mean anything!"
Once again, the whole forest seemed to stop just to listen to him. Sakura and Hinata were looking at him like they were quite embarrassed for him, because it had to be painful to lie so badly. Sasuke remembered, too late, that Sakura knew him too well, and that Hinata had the Byakugan. And Naruto didn't need very long before he deciphered the looks the girls were giving him.
"Oh my god, you totally do. But he's like -- he's Kakashi-sensei!"
Sasuke would have denied to the death being even able to blush, but sadly for him, today there were witnesses. "And she's Hyuuga Hinata, what the hell is your point?!"
"It's not the same!! She's super-cute and she's hot and I really like her! I love her personality, and she's always there if I need her, and she makes this little squeal when you poke her ribs, and she'd look damn good in bed between you and Sakura-chan, and -- and -- and my god if you tell me Kakashi-sensei squeals I'll barf."
"He doesn't," Sasuke assured him between his clenched teeth. But Kakashi's, ahem, 'lower back' flexed wonderfully when he bent over. No way was Sasuke sharing that, though.
Sakura coughed in her fist, attracting their attention away from each other. She took the time to send a reassuring smile Hinata's way, before giving her boys an innocent look that neither Sasuke nor Naruto trusted.
"I'm in favor of it."
Sasuke gave her a wary look. "... Which one?"
Sakura smiled, pure, innocent, and adorably cute, all rolled into one. Sasuke and Naruto took an instinctive step back.
"Both of them, of course."
"What?!"
Sakura got up on her feet, dusted herself off, and turned toward the boys. "Naruto, Hinata is in love with you. You really, really like her. As long as you don't leave us, go for it. You'll both be happier. Sasuke-kun, Kakashi-sensei is lonely, he loves us, and he's totally unable to accept that we haven't been twelve in a very long time, but he still stares at your butt whenever you bend over."
There was a rustle of leaves and broken branches somewhere deep in the woods, followed by suspicious, tracked-animal stillness. Sakura's smile turned smug and somewhat devious.
"And as a matter of fact, it IS a harem. Mine."
She left the two gobsmacked boys there, stepping up to the Hyuuga girl and slipping her arm in hers.
"Say, Hinata-chan, do you mind going to pick up Kakashi with me?"
"Ah -- ahh... I... That... Alright, Sakura-chan."
Naruto and Sasuke were left alone in the clearing, gobsmacked. All around them, the forest resonated with rustling leaves and smashed trees.
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Sakura, I LOVE you. And I love the way the rustling leaves bits lead in to Kakashi falling out of a tree. And the way Naruto and Sasuke know Sakura's in charge, even before she says it out loud -- that instinctive step back speaks volumes.
You write the best crack. :-)
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...WHAT.
*keels over* Y-you win at life <3
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And you just made me a fan, damnit! You wrote it pretty awesomely, too. Man, I would pay for you to write a more 'hotter' version of this. But that would be extremely difficult, a five some?
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OMG this is so much crack I have to remember not to inhale!!! ^__^
*But why does it remind me of teamwork?*
o_0
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*puppy dog eyes*
Pwease?
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I am in love with you ohmyfuckinggodthatwasamazing!
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*headdesk*
Anyway, Naru/Hina/Saku/Sasu (or whatever you wanna frame it as) is my OMFG YES!!!! (http://valles-uf.livejournal.com/3104.html) 'ship, so it may safely be assumed that I approve and would greatly like to see more. ^_^
I'll admit that, left to my own devices, I wouldn't see Kakashi fitting into that picture, but I have no particular objection to being led to such a place even if I wouldn't be all 'Thank you ma'am, may I have another?' if it was needed to get me the other four...
...that was TMI, wasn't it?
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more please
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Ow. You made me bust my gut, and I don't even like Hinata or Kakashi.
D:
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And Kakashi! And poor Hinata! The combustion! *needs air*
You are brilliant XDDD
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(Anonymous) 2007-07-17 06:35 pm (UTC)(link)I almost feel bad for him. Almost.
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*glomps to you and hangs*
I luuuurvs you!
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I know this is "crack ... unpolished and unbetaed" but it's still utterly fabulous. Crack or not, I've wanted some Team 7 Foursome for so long, and the fact that you threw Hinata in there in a way I enjoy is note worthy in and of itself. Add on the fact that you have Sakura all "OWNAGE" and she actually said "And as a matter of fact, it IS a harem. Mine." I just...OMFG!
*Cue answering service which says: "Monique has combusted from the sheer AWESOME. Please try again later. Kthanx."*
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...Dammit, now my new OTP has no porn of it.
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And Sasuke's thoughts about Kakashi's "lower back" and his response to the idea of Kakashi squealing cracked me up. I choked on a peanut. XD
Bravo!
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. . .
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Aside from that, lovely work. Cracky and cute and funny :)
... death by awesome
... must take this one further i think iv died and gone to awesome and/or hot and sexy.
/victory point for Asuka
/happally awaiting more awesomeness
I didn't think it was possible...
(Anonymous) 2007-07-17 06:11 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2007-07-18 05:54 am (UTC)(link)-- Guile
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ASUKA=T3h awesome
Naru/Sasu/Saku + Naru/Hina + Kaka + (any combo therein) = ...
If Sakura > others, then ...
4some = chain OR 2x2 OR 3some w/ standby, then...
Oranges/whips/collers/Sasuke-nip/strawberries & whipped cream/ big mirror/soundtrack + 5some + 1 free day (x number of freedays avalible at future date) + Naruto's Stamina + (various ninjutsu x toys x "mission only" tools) =... BRAIN OVERLOAD!! REBOOT! REBOOT! *pop, sizzle, crack*
Pardon our mess, we must now jury-rig an OS capable of truely processing. Pictures would help. *sizzle*
...I'm still working around Kakashi. The others I can work with, but Kakashi's stretching it a bit far. Nice bit with the woods=Kakashi, btw.
...
-processing-
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Shh! I know this is old! I've only been basking in your awesomeness for about two years!
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♥