![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
(no subject)
So there I was minding my own business on some forum or other when I see they've posted a "tips to beginner writers" sticky. So of course, being the humble person that I am, I went and added my two cents.
It ended up more like 200€. I really should learn how to keep my mouth from running off without me. >_>;
First, about "he said, she yelled"... Try not to use "he said" every line. It's not forbidden, but try using words that give an idea of how it sounds, what kind of emotion is in it. "He whispered," "she growled," "he snapped," "she muttered, resentful," "he repeated mockingly."
Or you can put it before the dialogue, to vary the sentence structures a little.
Sasuke huffed and crossed his arms, annoyed. "I can't believe you're doing that."
Then you go to the next line -- just remember, for every change of speaker, you MUST open a new paragraph.
If the character isn't using any special kind of tone, just don't add anything, before or after. It's not necessary to add a descriptor or a modifier every line, as long as you use something from time to time to remind us who's talking. It lets what is being said stand out and sometimes that's good too.
1) Know how your characters speak. What sort of vocabulary do they have, extended, poor, sophisticated? How polite are they? How dynamic do they sound? (never ever use more than two exclamation points together, by the way. Ever. Published writers very rarely use more than one.) Are they the shy-quiet type, the antisocial-quiet type, the babbling type, the gives-lessons type?
There are things you might want your characters to say, but you MUST keep in mind whether the character would say it. I don't care how smart or funny your comeback is, if it sounds out of character in that person's mouth, it's bad writing. Keep it for someone else if it's really that good, don't force it into their mouth.
As to how to make it come out in the dialogue, I'm using a few characters with very specific speech patterns as examples; most people won't be so obvious.
---Naruto is going to use exclamations. He's going to boast, and use words that exaggerate things if they make him look good. If they make him angry, he'll rant and make whatever happened come out as an awful thing. If they make him sad, he'll say as little as possible, because he doesn't share things like that.
Let's say there's a car. And it's orange. Naruto's probably going to be all "Wow! This car is the most AWESOME shade of orange ever! It's so... So... orange!"
---Sasuke is going to use short, curt sentences that go right to the point. He's not going to bother with lots of adjectives, he's never ever going to be poetic. He's going to be sarcastic, even abrasive. He doesn't use honorifics. He's not openly rude unless he's annoyed, but he doesn't go out of his way to be polite either.
"Burn it."
... XD okay no, another one.
"I wouldn't be caught dead in that car."
... Okayyy another try. >___>;;;
"That's the ugliest shade of orange I've ever seen."
... good enough.
---Kakashi is going to drawl a lot if he's not being serious. He'll also tease a bit. He has an annoying tendency to imply things and never say them out loud, and then when people ask him what he thinks, he'll go and say things like "I wonder..." "Well, I'm sure you can figure it out," or even "Hm?", pretending he already forgot what they were talking about as it didn't sound important to him. When he's serious his speech becomes a lot more direct, and then he sounds very professional.
"My, my... That's a cheerful color for a car."
"Yes! Isn't it awesome?"
*headpats* *shakes head* "... Right, Naruto."
"Naruto, no. It's a safety hazard."
"Aww come on, kakashi-sensei!"
"Keep it for the village. We're not going to cross a warring country with that."
---Hinata is going to stutter and hesitate (which can be marked with "..." , "--" and the repetition of some short words -- don't systematically go the route of the s-s-stutter, real stuttering doesn't always sound like that. Besides, if you use the repeat letter every other word, it's going to become unreadable and your readers will want to k-k-k-kill you w-w-w-with a m-m-m-achette. Just saying.)
She's also going to use "softener words" like "don't you think so?" "but perhaps," "I'm not sure," "A little bit," and some "ah," "um," "er," and other sounds that serve to give her some time to think on her answer. She's afraid she's going to say a stupid thing, so she's going to delay her reply to make double-sure she's not saying anything offensive.
"Um. Don't you think this car is... A little... A little, er, orange?"
What she really means is "it's eye-gouging awful", but she's never going to SAY it. She's going to mention the color, and see how the person talking with her reacts to that. If they go "Eww, I know" she'll feel free to agree with them; if they're all "yeah! Isn't it AWESOME?" she'll never mention it again. You can imply that she doesn't agree by mentioning that she gives the person an unconvincing smile, or looks away before answering, or other kinds of body language.
Now guess who says what. :D
"Man, I love that car! It's so kickass!"
"It's hideous."
"Weeell. I wouldn't go that far, but it's certainly eye-catching."
"Ah... Yes. It's very, um, Warm? F-flamboyant?"
"Oh hey, flamboyant! Nice word. Yeah, it's totally that!"
"Flaming, you mean."
"Like you can talk, you asshole! At least it's not purple."
"...Children, children, play nice..."
... Which brings us to 2) Communication and interaction between characters isn't only about line after line of dialogue, but tone of voice, body language, facial expressions and all that stuff.
Most people don't approach each other in perpendicular lines, stop, turn to stand face to face, their back ramrod straight and hands flat against their thighs, and steadily exchange information for five minutes and thirty-seven seconds sharp, after which they go their separate ways.
Yes, even in dialogue, it's important to know where the characters are, and what they look like (if a character pokes them in the ribs to underline a point, will it be spongy or will they hit a rib? If he's taller than them, they'll have to reach up if they want to give a headpat. Things like that.)
Either they're standing at attention as they give a report, frozen in fear, curled up in utter misery -- or they're going to be moving. They're going to touch their hair when they're nervous, tap their finger against their chin or lips as they think, wave to accentuate their point, pace, tap their foot, or even simply breathe more deeply to calm themselves down, or blink a lot. And we need to know that. It makes the scene more alive.
And not only does it make the scene more alive, but it's going to make what they SAY different, too.
Sakura and Naruto are standing before Naruto's new car:
"That's your new car? It's a little, er, orange, don't you think so?"
"Yeah! It's awesome, isn't it. I love it."
"... Somehow that's not surprising."
"It's going to beat all those other stupid cars, just you wait and see! Hey, hey, do you want to go for a ride?"
"Ew, no thanks."
now with actions!!
"That's your new car?" Sakura asked dubiously. "It's a little, er, orange, don't you think so?"
Naruto grinned at her, and rolled over the hood to polish a speck of dust with his sleeve. "Yeah!" He admired his handiwork all of two seconds, and then bounced over to the back, trailing a hand along the side. "It's awesome, isn't it. I love it."
Sakura made a face as he all but twirled his way back to her side. "... Somehow that's not surprising."
"It's going to beat all those other stupid cars, just you wait and see! Hey, hey, do you want to go for a ride?" He waved his arms excitedly, almost hitting her in the face.
"Naruto! Be careful, damn it!" she roared, delivering a downward punch to the top of his skull.
---------
"That's your new car?" Sakura asked dubiously. "It's a little, er, orange, don't you think so?"
Naruto beamed at her, patting the hood proudly. "Yeah! It's awesome, isn't it. I love it."
She sighed. "... Somehow that's not surprising."
"It's going to beat all those other stupid cars, just you wait and see!" Naruto chuckled good-naturedly, and then scratched the back of his head, a little embarrassed. "Hey, hey, do you want to go for a ride?"
Sakura hesitated, but he looked so earnest and hopeful...
"... Fine," she capitulated. "But just this once, and if you drive too badly I swear I'll kick you out from behind the wheel and go sell it for parts."
See? Sakura reacted to his body language and attitude as well as his words, and so we get a totally different outcome.
Careful not to fall into the reverse trap, which is to add actions to EVERYTHING. As a result it feels like the characters are in perpetual motion and are having facial cramps, and then the reader is so busy trying to remember who is doing what and where, and where they are compared to each other, that the dialogue ends up forgotten. The action and body language must give accents to the dialogue, not burrow it, so just mention a tic or action if it's meaningful (gives a hint as to the character's real feelings) or it's going to impact the scene later (like Kakashi going "yes, yes" while walking toward the driver's seat -- a few lines later he'll steal the keys.)
And when you have a very important sentence that's delivered very simply, sometimes it's best to not even say "he stood there and said plainly." You just post the sentence, so it will stand out.
And mein gott this is long. I'll just end it on a personal trick of mine that you might not want to replicate because it makes my mother think I'm crazy...
I play my dialogue scenes. As in, I say it out loud, playing the role of the character. It helps me discover if it needs exclamation points, trailing off, pauses or hesitations, if it needs a "he mused" or "he snapped" or "she laughed humorlessly". If it's a line that can be said while sitting, or if the character needs to be jumping on his feet and proclaiming it.
It also helps me to make it sound natural... because as cool and witty as some sentences sound, it's just Not Possible to actually snap them naturally out loud. You trip on your tongue, you stammer, you forget the beginning of the sentence before arriving at the end it's so f** long, and then you feel like the fic isn't about two people having a real discussion, it's about the author sounding like they never had a real chat with anyone in their life.
Imagine you have two characters who were best of friends, but then something comes to light and they're absolutely furious at each other. They're having the row to end all rows; they're burning bridges right there.
The more natural comeback isn't "And I believe that you are a rat-faced little twerp, and it's clearly obvious now that you have always been jealous of my natural talent. I can't believe I let you ride my coattails for so long without giving you the boot. Now begone!"
It's "Yeah, well, fuck you."
For one thing, even if they could think up the whole line in one go when they're that angry, the other guy is certainly not going to let them babble so long without interrupting them at the slightest breathing pause. Even if the exact sentences come to the character's mind, they won't be delivered that way.
"Oh my god, you're jealous, aren't you? You're totally jealous."
"How self-centered do you have to be to think I'm jealous of YOU?!"
"You're a rat-faced little twerp! I can't believe --"
"And you're a haughty bitch, is what you are!"
"--Can't believe I let you ride my coattails so long!"
"...Oh, I'll give you coattails, you little..."
"Get out! Get the hell out!"
The ideas the characters are trying to convey will probably come in short bursts, not in one long monologue. So unless your characters are known, one for his impeccable, witty delivery, the other for his doormat-ness or inability to punch people in the face or storm out, please abstain from "pwning" a character by giving the other guy some ten lines of Nothing But The Truth, Honey, which he takes, standing there like a moron. It's just bad writing.
... And. Uh. yeah.
I think I'll let myself out now. >_>;;;;;;;;;;
It ended up more like 200€. I really should learn how to keep my mouth from running off without me. >_>;
First, about "he said, she yelled"... Try not to use "he said" every line. It's not forbidden, but try using words that give an idea of how it sounds, what kind of emotion is in it. "He whispered," "she growled," "he snapped," "she muttered, resentful," "he repeated mockingly."
Or you can put it before the dialogue, to vary the sentence structures a little.
Sasuke huffed and crossed his arms, annoyed. "I can't believe you're doing that."
Then you go to the next line -- just remember, for every change of speaker, you MUST open a new paragraph.
If the character isn't using any special kind of tone, just don't add anything, before or after. It's not necessary to add a descriptor or a modifier every line, as long as you use something from time to time to remind us who's talking. It lets what is being said stand out and sometimes that's good too.
1) Know how your characters speak. What sort of vocabulary do they have, extended, poor, sophisticated? How polite are they? How dynamic do they sound? (never ever use more than two exclamation points together, by the way. Ever. Published writers very rarely use more than one.) Are they the shy-quiet type, the antisocial-quiet type, the babbling type, the gives-lessons type?
There are things you might want your characters to say, but you MUST keep in mind whether the character would say it. I don't care how smart or funny your comeback is, if it sounds out of character in that person's mouth, it's bad writing. Keep it for someone else if it's really that good, don't force it into their mouth.
As to how to make it come out in the dialogue, I'm using a few characters with very specific speech patterns as examples; most people won't be so obvious.
---Naruto is going to use exclamations. He's going to boast, and use words that exaggerate things if they make him look good. If they make him angry, he'll rant and make whatever happened come out as an awful thing. If they make him sad, he'll say as little as possible, because he doesn't share things like that.
Let's say there's a car. And it's orange. Naruto's probably going to be all "Wow! This car is the most AWESOME shade of orange ever! It's so... So... orange!"
---Sasuke is going to use short, curt sentences that go right to the point. He's not going to bother with lots of adjectives, he's never ever going to be poetic. He's going to be sarcastic, even abrasive. He doesn't use honorifics. He's not openly rude unless he's annoyed, but he doesn't go out of his way to be polite either.
"Burn it."
... XD okay no, another one.
"I wouldn't be caught dead in that car."
... Okayyy another try. >___>;;;
"That's the ugliest shade of orange I've ever seen."
... good enough.
---Kakashi is going to drawl a lot if he's not being serious. He'll also tease a bit. He has an annoying tendency to imply things and never say them out loud, and then when people ask him what he thinks, he'll go and say things like "I wonder..." "Well, I'm sure you can figure it out," or even "Hm?", pretending he already forgot what they were talking about as it didn't sound important to him. When he's serious his speech becomes a lot more direct, and then he sounds very professional.
"My, my... That's a cheerful color for a car."
"Yes! Isn't it awesome?"
*headpats* *shakes head* "... Right, Naruto."
"Naruto, no. It's a safety hazard."
"Aww come on, kakashi-sensei!"
"Keep it for the village. We're not going to cross a warring country with that."
---Hinata is going to stutter and hesitate (which can be marked with "..." , "--" and the repetition of some short words -- don't systematically go the route of the s-s-stutter, real stuttering doesn't always sound like that. Besides, if you use the repeat letter every other word, it's going to become unreadable and your readers will want to k-k-k-kill you w-w-w-with a m-m-m-achette. Just saying.)
She's also going to use "softener words" like "don't you think so?" "but perhaps," "I'm not sure," "A little bit," and some "ah," "um," "er," and other sounds that serve to give her some time to think on her answer. She's afraid she's going to say a stupid thing, so she's going to delay her reply to make double-sure she's not saying anything offensive.
"Um. Don't you think this car is... A little... A little, er, orange?"
What she really means is "it's eye-gouging awful", but she's never going to SAY it. She's going to mention the color, and see how the person talking with her reacts to that. If they go "Eww, I know" she'll feel free to agree with them; if they're all "yeah! Isn't it AWESOME?" she'll never mention it again. You can imply that she doesn't agree by mentioning that she gives the person an unconvincing smile, or looks away before answering, or other kinds of body language.
Now guess who says what. :D
"Man, I love that car! It's so kickass!"
"It's hideous."
"Weeell. I wouldn't go that far, but it's certainly eye-catching."
"Ah... Yes. It's very, um, Warm? F-flamboyant?"
"Oh hey, flamboyant! Nice word. Yeah, it's totally that!"
"Flaming, you mean."
"Like you can talk, you asshole! At least it's not purple."
"...Children, children, play nice..."
... Which brings us to 2) Communication and interaction between characters isn't only about line after line of dialogue, but tone of voice, body language, facial expressions and all that stuff.
Most people don't approach each other in perpendicular lines, stop, turn to stand face to face, their back ramrod straight and hands flat against their thighs, and steadily exchange information for five minutes and thirty-seven seconds sharp, after which they go their separate ways.
Yes, even in dialogue, it's important to know where the characters are, and what they look like (if a character pokes them in the ribs to underline a point, will it be spongy or will they hit a rib? If he's taller than them, they'll have to reach up if they want to give a headpat. Things like that.)
Either they're standing at attention as they give a report, frozen in fear, curled up in utter misery -- or they're going to be moving. They're going to touch their hair when they're nervous, tap their finger against their chin or lips as they think, wave to accentuate their point, pace, tap their foot, or even simply breathe more deeply to calm themselves down, or blink a lot. And we need to know that. It makes the scene more alive.
And not only does it make the scene more alive, but it's going to make what they SAY different, too.
Sakura and Naruto are standing before Naruto's new car:
"That's your new car? It's a little, er, orange, don't you think so?"
"Yeah! It's awesome, isn't it. I love it."
"... Somehow that's not surprising."
"It's going to beat all those other stupid cars, just you wait and see! Hey, hey, do you want to go for a ride?"
"Ew, no thanks."
now with actions!!
"That's your new car?" Sakura asked dubiously. "It's a little, er, orange, don't you think so?"
Naruto grinned at her, and rolled over the hood to polish a speck of dust with his sleeve. "Yeah!" He admired his handiwork all of two seconds, and then bounced over to the back, trailing a hand along the side. "It's awesome, isn't it. I love it."
Sakura made a face as he all but twirled his way back to her side. "... Somehow that's not surprising."
"It's going to beat all those other stupid cars, just you wait and see! Hey, hey, do you want to go for a ride?" He waved his arms excitedly, almost hitting her in the face.
"Naruto! Be careful, damn it!" she roared, delivering a downward punch to the top of his skull.
---------
"That's your new car?" Sakura asked dubiously. "It's a little, er, orange, don't you think so?"
Naruto beamed at her, patting the hood proudly. "Yeah! It's awesome, isn't it. I love it."
She sighed. "... Somehow that's not surprising."
"It's going to beat all those other stupid cars, just you wait and see!" Naruto chuckled good-naturedly, and then scratched the back of his head, a little embarrassed. "Hey, hey, do you want to go for a ride?"
Sakura hesitated, but he looked so earnest and hopeful...
"... Fine," she capitulated. "But just this once, and if you drive too badly I swear I'll kick you out from behind the wheel and go sell it for parts."
See? Sakura reacted to his body language and attitude as well as his words, and so we get a totally different outcome.
Careful not to fall into the reverse trap, which is to add actions to EVERYTHING. As a result it feels like the characters are in perpetual motion and are having facial cramps, and then the reader is so busy trying to remember who is doing what and where, and where they are compared to each other, that the dialogue ends up forgotten. The action and body language must give accents to the dialogue, not burrow it, so just mention a tic or action if it's meaningful (gives a hint as to the character's real feelings) or it's going to impact the scene later (like Kakashi going "yes, yes" while walking toward the driver's seat -- a few lines later he'll steal the keys.)
And when you have a very important sentence that's delivered very simply, sometimes it's best to not even say "he stood there and said plainly." You just post the sentence, so it will stand out.
And mein gott this is long. I'll just end it on a personal trick of mine that you might not want to replicate because it makes my mother think I'm crazy...
I play my dialogue scenes. As in, I say it out loud, playing the role of the character. It helps me discover if it needs exclamation points, trailing off, pauses or hesitations, if it needs a "he mused" or "he snapped" or "she laughed humorlessly". If it's a line that can be said while sitting, or if the character needs to be jumping on his feet and proclaiming it.
It also helps me to make it sound natural... because as cool and witty as some sentences sound, it's just Not Possible to actually snap them naturally out loud. You trip on your tongue, you stammer, you forget the beginning of the sentence before arriving at the end it's so f** long, and then you feel like the fic isn't about two people having a real discussion, it's about the author sounding like they never had a real chat with anyone in their life.
Imagine you have two characters who were best of friends, but then something comes to light and they're absolutely furious at each other. They're having the row to end all rows; they're burning bridges right there.
The more natural comeback isn't "And I believe that you are a rat-faced little twerp, and it's clearly obvious now that you have always been jealous of my natural talent. I can't believe I let you ride my coattails for so long without giving you the boot. Now begone!"
It's "Yeah, well, fuck you."
For one thing, even if they could think up the whole line in one go when they're that angry, the other guy is certainly not going to let them babble so long without interrupting them at the slightest breathing pause. Even if the exact sentences come to the character's mind, they won't be delivered that way.
"Oh my god, you're jealous, aren't you? You're totally jealous."
"How self-centered do you have to be to think I'm jealous of YOU?!"
"You're a rat-faced little twerp! I can't believe --"
"And you're a haughty bitch, is what you are!"
"--Can't believe I let you ride my coattails so long!"
"...Oh, I'll give you coattails, you little..."
"Get out! Get the hell out!"
The ideas the characters are trying to convey will probably come in short bursts, not in one long monologue. So unless your characters are known, one for his impeccable, witty delivery, the other for his doormat-ness or inability to punch people in the face or storm out, please abstain from "pwning" a character by giving the other guy some ten lines of Nothing But The Truth, Honey, which he takes, standing there like a moron. It's just bad writing.
... And. Uh. yeah.
I think I'll let myself out now. >_>;;;;;;;;;;