askerian: Serious Karkat in a red long-sleeved shirt (T7_ZOMGWTF!)
askerian ([personal profile] askerian) wrote2007-07-04 07:14 pm

Teamwork 2 - chpt.6b part 354.2541038421 or something

AHHHHHH OMIGOD TEAMWORK 2 IS DONE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH OMG OMG OMG.

Okay there's no real lemon. But there's a lime and fade-to-black. And surprise!angst and the scene went from naughty-feral to desperate lovemaking on me AND IT BETTER BE ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE.

omigod.

If there's anything, anything at all, that sounds weird, not-english, awkward, too vague, or whatever, please tell me. if there's anything that needs developped, tell me. if there's a typo or whatever else, tell me. PLEASE LOVE ME. ;____;

previous bit here.



"Hey, asshole."

Sasuke glared at him, but it didn't have any fire in it. "What, dead-last?"

We're fine, Naruto wanted to say. Perhaps he even wanted to give an apology for scaring him, but then Sasuke would kill them both just so he could pretend it had never happened. So in the end Naruto just grinned. "It's not that late, is it? The seal didn't take that long. Not even -- what, eleven? Eleven thirty?"

"I think so..." Sakura gave him a curious look from over Sasuke's shoulder. Naruto beamed.

"Good! Then it means we've got the rest of the night to celebrate."

And before either of them could tell him no, he closed his fingers on Sasuke's t-shirt and pulled, bringing them both down on top of him. Their weight knocked the breath out of him; he wheezed out a laugh, his arms moving around to hold them both.

"Don't you think we have more important things to do?" Sasuke protested as he tried to find a support to push himself off Naruto.

"Oh, lay off about the seal, we've been working on it nonstop for the last month and a half, maybe longer. It's over now."

Sasuke sneered at him and tried to push himself up on his hands despite Sakura's weight on his back. "I was thinking more about checking that we're not about to be invaded by a platoon of ANBU."

"They can watch," Sakura offered magnanimously.

Sasuke craned his neck to stare at her, and Naruto and he blinked in unison.

"... Gee, don't laugh so hard at my jokes, guys, they're not that funny."

Naruto smirked. "And here I was happy you were finally getting kinky."

"You two--"

Naruto growled, cutting Sasuke off before he could get going. "Shut up. We're going to go to bed and fuck like bunnies. That's what we're going to do. And if the ANBU wants a look, they can cough up an entry fee and shut the hell up."

"You can't be serious," Sasuke growled back, though Naruto thought his voice lacked the proper resonance to make it vicious enough.

"I'm serious," Sakura replied instead, and then she bit Sasuke's shoulder.

By the way Sasuke jerked, Naruto thought he could safely assume she had also grown fangs.

By what he could feel now against his stomach, Sasuke wasn't as not-in-the-mood as he was trying to pretend. That or even his steely self-control wasn't absolute enough to fight teenage hormones.

"--Sakura -- Naruto, don't be stupid, we'll have all the time in the world later -- we should be erasing our tracks, reassuring -- nngh."

Naruto's hands were tight on Sasuke's hips; he tangled their legs together, rubbed the side of his foot against one of Sakura's calves and watched her nibble on Sasuke's ear.

"Like everyone involved in the whole surveillance business doesn't already think we're having sex!" she grumbled. She was blushing, but it didn't make her scowl any less determined. "So if they're going to think we're doing it regardless, I wouldn't mind it actually happening. It's been months!"

"Only two..."

Naruto grinned, eyes narrowed predatorily. "Sasuke... Don't make us tear off your clothes with our teeth. We'd do it."

"Oh, can the porn star lines," Sasuke snapped, and heaved himself up suddenly. Sakura squeaked, rolled to the side; Naruto started to dig his fingers into Sasuke's hips, but his claws caught skin and he hesitated. Sasuke tore himself free too fast, and then there were faint white lines in the middle of the red imprints left by Naruto's fingers.

They all sat on the floor, Sakura with her legs folded to the side, Naruto with his own stretched out, Sasuke ready to push himself up.

And then Sakura leaned toward Sasuke, slipped a finger in his collar, and pulled down.

"...I think I like the claws," she mused, staring at her hand in surprise and approval. Sasuke was gaping at her, sitting there dumbly with his t-shirt torn open down to his stomach.

Naruto started laughing, and reached for Sasuke to tear off the rest of his clothes. Startled out of his astonishment, Sasuke batted his hands away, pushing himself away from them with his heels.

... Hohoho.

Naruto rolled on his hands and knees and grinned. He'd been meaning to jump Sakura's bones too, but in the mood she was in right now, it was a toss-up whether he or she would jump each other first... And getting Sasuke to accept that it was over already and that they were safe and together came first -- she already knew that.

He could always tackle and bite and happily fuck her afterwards.

They kept moving forward on hands and knees; Sasuke kept moving back on his ass. The scene would probably look quite ridiculous to an outsider, but Naruto didn't care, because there was an off-balance look in Sasuke's eyes, and be could catch glimpses of his nipples and flat stomach through the torn shirt, and Sakura's bra really wasn't hiding much, and Naruto really, really enjoyed seeing her like that.

"This isn't funny -- are you hunting me?"

Sakura huffed, blowing a pink lock away from her face. "Yes. And I'm sure I'll be very sorry tomorrow. I'll apologize, even."

Sasuke tried to move to the side, but Naruto crawled that way to flank him. The black-haired boy glared at him briefly -- and Sakura pounced.

Sasuke wheezed, the breath knocked from his lungs. "Sakura, damn it, what's gotten into you!?"

Naruto laughed, hard and loud and way too amused; "It's more about what hasn't." and Sasuke glared at him briefly --

-- Straddling Sasuke's hips, she took fistfuls of Sasuke's shirt to tear off, leaned down to get in his face. She was breathing hard -- annoyance, arousal, Naruto didn't know and didn't care.

"Sakura--"

"You're hard, Sasuke," she snapped back angrily. Under her, Sasuke had stopped breathing. "You're hard and you want it, and like hell you're going to have 'I was drunk' as an excuse every single time this happens. So I'm giving you a choice."

Naruto stared, shocked. This... was a lot deeper than simple annoyance at Sasuke's frigid ways.

"Tell me it isn't for me, not even a little bit. Tell me I'm not hot enough for you, tell me you just don't like me like that, tell me whatever. But tell me now, and mean it. Because otherwise I'm going to have sex with you."

"... Sakura..." Sasuke hesitated, frowned -- and then Sakura was kissing him, hard, with teeth. It wasn't a gentle, lingering kiss, or a sexy, enticing kiss. There was despair in there; love too, lots and lots, and desire and pain.

Naruto realized he wasn't breathing much either.

He wanted them both so much -- for so much more than just sex. He wanted to hold them and possess them and be possessed by them and know that they were never going to let go, and he wanted to feel their fingers between his as they came and he wanted them to give themselves to him -- not even for the thrill of calling the shots, just for the trust and the love and the belonging to him, belonging with them. And what Sakura wanted -- it was just that.

Teammates -- being teammates was everything. And yet in the long run it wasn't going to be enough.

When Sasuke's arms rose and wound themselves around her back, reluctant at first, and then tight enough to make his muscles shift under his skin, make the breath leave her in a startled little gasp, Naruto shuddered and threw himself at them. He wound his arm around her waist, dug his fingers into his biceps, and bit-kissed her shoulder. Sasuke was kissing Sakura back now, eyes closed; when she whimpered breathlessly, Sasuke made a startled little grunt in echo. Naruto whined softly, desperate. Because Sasuke... Because that was what Sakura wanted to know, if he'd ever, ever let her in -- and now there Naruto was, alone on the outside, and he was glad for them both -- and he couldn't take it.

"Love you," he whispered past the knot in his throat. He didn't even know which one he was saying it to. "Love you, love you."

Sakura's breath hitched and she broke the kiss, just long enough to nod jerkily. Naruto didn't know what it meant -- who she wanted to tell it to. Sasuke was panting under her, his fingers still digging into her back, his eyes still closed. Naruto growled, pushed her aside enough to get at his mouth -- he bit him, tasted blood, was bit back. Good. Sakura rubbed her cheek against his, and her lips; dropped kisses on Naruto's eyebrow and Sasuke's eyelid and the flat of his nose, and then her lips brushed his and Sasuke's somehow -- and he hadn't known they could do that, a three-way kiss. It was awkward, with little freedom of movement, but it calmed him down a little anyway. He laughed, more out of relief than amusement.

"Love you," Sakura choked out; Naruto kissed wetness away and she closed her eyes.

Against his arm, he could feel Sasuke's hand undoing her bra strap, and he laughed again, shocked and a little thrilled, and really, not surprised at all that Sasuke was trying to get out of saying it back. "Asshole."

Sakura laughed with him, and kissed Sasuke again, hands cupping his face. The two of them paused, just -- looking into each other's eyes, and Naruto felt like a fifth or even seventh wheel again, but this time he made himself not interrupt. Sakura-chan getting Sasuke to want, not just tolerate her -- Sasuke learning not to be quite so wary and guarded... It was great for them both. It really was. She'd be good for him.

"... Asshole yourself, retard."

Sakura burst out into snickers, because Sasuke hadn't even looked away from her one second, but his hand was still under Naruto's nose, closed into a fist but for his middle finger.

What could Naruto do, but sneer at him and then bite it? Nothing else, really. Fucking angsty, antisocial bastard. He wrapped his lips around Sasuke's finger and sucked wetly, still glaring at him, daring him to make something of it.

"... Fuck."

Naruto smirked and curled his tongue around the base of Sasuke's finger a last time. "I'd think it's closer to a blowjob, myself."

Sakura was still laughing herself breathless, in between two kisses to Sasuke's jaw. "Boys. You're getting all worked up over going down on a finger."

Sasuke made an annoyed noise and slipped his Naruto-free hand under her to cup a breast, making her gasp and stop laughing very quickly. "Shut up, or you won't get any."

Sakura squeaked in outrage and sat up on him hurriedly. "Just try to stop me!"

Naruto couldn't help but laugh, and laugh. He'd never seen them so arousing -- both flushed in offended annoyance, Sasuke pinned down between Sakura's thighs and Sakura fighting to whip off her own bra. Visibly she intended to ride him like a pony. "Hold your -- heh -- hold your horses, Sakura-chan. Might be better in the bedroom, yeah?"

She glared at him for interrupting, claws digging into the floor on both sides of Sasuke's head.

"... Also, if you let him get up, it will be a lot easier to yank his pants down. 'Cause you know, right now it's gonna be a bit complicated."

A second later, Sasuke was alone on the floor, sprawled on his back between her feet, and she was pulling on his arm to get him to stand up.

"What the hell?!" Sasuke protested. He looked quite molestable, with reddened hickeys on his skin and hair all over the place, and Naruto was tempted to yank his pants off and jump him right there anyway.

"I want to be in our bed," Sakura retorted; Naruto blinked, because it wasn't much of a bed -- three layers of blankets, and ratty sleeping bags -- but the way she said it, it was a king-sized oak affair with down-filled pillows.

One that needed proper christening.

He could get behind that.

He leaned down, caught Sasuke's other arm to haul him up. Scowling, Sasuke tried to pull free, but neither he nor Sakura relaxed their grip; and then there were two sets of claws at his waistband anyway.

Naruto really appreciated working in tandem with Sakura-chan. Especially when it was about shredding Sasuke's clothes off him.

"My pants, you retards! You're both crazy!"

They probably were, at that. But it seemed 'crazy' got Sasuke going anyway. And seeing how much Sasuke really wanted them, no matter what he pretended, didn't make Naruto's own underwear feel any less constricting.

"... Okay!"

Claw-tipped fingers circling Sasuke's wrist, Sakura forged ahead, bare feet stomping on the wooden planks, small, firm breasts bouncing freely in rhythm with her steps. Sasuke went along with it for a few steps, a little dazed, but when they crossed the door between the dojo and the house, he dug in his heels. "Wait--"

"No! No more wait. I'm tired of waiting." Naruto twisted Sasuke's arm behind his back -- Sasuke let him -- and pushed the black-haired boy forward with his body. If he stole a grope or two in the process of manhandling Sasuke there, it wasn't Sakura who was going to berate him.

It was dark in the living room, where they slept, but Sakura's skin was pale and her biker shorts black, and so it wasn't easy to miss it when she rolled them down her legs.

She went to the nest of blankets they called a bed and sat there, waiting.

This time Naruto didn't need to push Sasuke to join her.

[identity profile] m-a-foxfire.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 07:59 pm (UTC)(link)
asgdhfl hot. Sakura. Claws. Pants. Arghwa.

You tease, you. :D Planning a Teamwork 3?

(no subject)

[identity profile] m-a-foxfire.livejournal.com - 2007-07-04 20:16 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] rurounitriv.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 08:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Rrrowr. Love it when Inner Sakura gets loose, and this is Inner Sakura on steroids. Sasuke can just quit fighting now, between her and Naruto he hasn't got a chance. XD

[identity profile] phlegmaticphrog.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 08:12 pm (UTC)(link)
Hmm, I think I like this Kyuubi!Sakura, especially if she's up for co-molesting Sasuke. :) Glad to finally see this chapter out.

[identity profile] trishalynn.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 08:16 pm (UTC)(link)
HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!!!

Thank you. ♥

Can't critically read, but I really enjoyed it. And you know, you can always do the porny stuff as a side story.

[identity profile] book-people.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 08:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Holy crap, Asuka! *drools* I agree with Sakura. Claws are obviously a good thing.

A fitting end to Teamwork 2. *nod nod* And while I would have liked to see the lemon, I can give them their privacy in exchange for the mental image of Sakura and Naruto hunting Sasuke (and Sasuke secretly getting turned on by it). Also, the idea of Kakashi 'walking in' right about there. *cracks up*

Naruto... *hugs* You need to get it through your head that they aren't going to drop you, m'dear. Seriously. They aren't. *whacks Sasuke and Sakura* Prove it to him, god damn it!

Right. Thanks for posting, as usual it has made my day. I'm looking forward to the chuunin exam now! *grin*

Adi

[identity profile] book-people.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 03:18 am (UTC)(link)
Also: "bare feet stomping on the wooden plants"

Did you mean planks?

Adi

[identity profile] inane-romance.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 08:44 pm (UTC)(link)
...=D
-dances in celbration-
Whoo!

Naruto felt like a fifth wheel. --or something to that effect, too lazy to find actual line. Well, I understood it fine, but some other might not. The expression is "third wheel". I can see where being a third wheel here is just fine, and I can also see where you would modify that expression since this is a threesome. However, though hard to believe, this might fly right over some people's heads. Maybe you should use a different expression to convey the same thing?

[identity profile] leiral.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD This is asfhkjlasdhfn I don't even know what to say!

[identity profile] darknessdivine.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
*fans self and delurks* Don't sweat the porn, this was way too fucking hot even without it. Hoshit, if you'd added, I think most of your readers would have exploded.
(deleted comment)

(Anonymous) 2007-07-04 10:29 pm (UTC)(link)
"It was dark in the living room, where they slept, but Sakura's skin was pale and her biker shorts black, and so it wasn't easy to miss it when she rolled then down her legs."

'then' should be 'them' --- that's the only typo I could find ^^

LOVED IT ♥

-bookem_dAno
*too lazy to log in*

[identity profile] crazy-toffee.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 10:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Oi, I thought you didn't do angsty? XD

I liked how Naruto kept wanting to crawl in between them, but held himself in check because he thought it was best for them. It's also interesting to note that Naruto's POV on the relationship, though valid, doesn't seem 100% accurate from the outside. Naruto's fears feel very real, but the reader ends up thinking that he's not really getting how the other two feel about him, if their attitudes are to be judged.

And Sasuke, staring soppy-love at Sakura? I can't believe he finally did it! I can't believe you brought it up to a point where it's actually coherent and appropriate!XD

not surprised at all that Sasuke was trying to get out of saying it back. "Asshole."

That little bit there? So MUCH Sasuke-ness about it!

I liked it overall, as a conclusion to Teamwork2. It was sexy and it was about the characters' development as a team/threesome/family unit. It felt genuine, and it's open-ended enough that it leaves a feeling that there's still a long road for them to walk (whether you write it or not.)

*licks screen* Me lurves. *snugs you*

[identity profile] valles-uf.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 01:06 am (UTC)(link)
If there's anything, anything at all, that sounds weird, not-english, awkward, too vague, or whatever, please tell me. if there's anything that needs developped, tell me. if there's a typo or whatever else, tell me. PLEASE LOVE ME.
I believe it's traditional to buy you dinner, first... While I'm too poor for that on so little warning, I'm told that my casseroles are better than passable, so, tuna or chicken?

Ja, -n
("I think I like the claws..." ...muahahahahaha.)

[identity profile] terraminuit.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 01:19 am (UTC)(link)
*glomps* Oh yay!!!!^-^ You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this. Seriously. That was great. I like the sudden moment where everyone gets that affirmation that they really needed all along. Not to say that everything will be peachy and perfect, because jeez, this is team 7 we're talking about here. I really want to see more of the whole 'family' Team 7. In the Chunnin exam, are they going to be going in as a three man team? That's gonna be some interesting emotions going on there.

..Actually, the Chunnin exam brings up the opportunity to explore how they are going to work efficiently as a team when they have such deep emotional ties to each other. Death is typically a risk of being a ninja, so having the team be so ...emotionally involved has both good and bad points. >> << Any one of them would go beserk if any other was hurt, let alone die.

(no subject)

[identity profile] terraminuit.livejournal.com - 2007-07-06 01:35 (UTC) - Expand

*happy sigh*

[identity profile] mommyr.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 01:58 am (UTC)(link)
This is exquisite. Pefectly the right balance of awkwardness, the need for affirmation, the need to KNOW. *inchoherence*

Don't ask me how many times I've read it. Or will read it again. It will make me sound like I have no life XD

Re: *happy sigh*

[identity profile] mommyr.livejournal.com - 2007-07-05 20:42 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] salmastryon.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 02:58 am (UTC)(link)
What a nice end to my day! I got up running cooking then over at the party and I finally drag myself back to be able to read this :)

I'm glad to see you got this done. From some of your posts I got the impression it has really been giving you troubles. Of course you couldn't tell it from reading this.

[identity profile] monique-27.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
I...omg. I can't believe it. The end of Teamwork 2. ... wow.

I promise I'll write you an awesome review and edit and all that. I just can't cause I'm recovering from illness and I'm sleepy and incoherent but when I saw "Teamwork 2 - chpt.6b part 354.2541038421 or something" I just couldn't not come read it! *>.<* And I'm so, so glad I did. *^.^*

I love you Asuka. You and your writing. *hugs you with LOVE!*

[identity profile] ktoth04.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 05:55 am (UTC)(link)
OMG

<3

[identity profile] kontradiction.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 07:15 am (UTC)(link)
I just noticed a typo down the bottom: "and so it wasn't easy to miss it when she rolled then down her legs."

"Then" should be "them"

Great update! I can't wait for Teamwork 3. Foxy!Sakura made me happy; as well as Hunted!Sasuke! You make me smile so good Asuka! <3

[identity profile] kiyakotari.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 10:05 am (UTC)(link)
OMFGHELLZYES.

=D

Foxy!Sakura is made of SO MUCH WIN. Sasuke getting stalked is just...perfect. The annoyed incredulity in that little exclamation of his - "Are you hunting me?!" is so delicious. And Naruto is so, delightfully, wonderfully NARUTO that it makes me want to chew on something.

I love him feeling a bit left out, and yet being okay with that, and being happy for them. Because it's such a Naruto response.

[identity profile] j-ecrirai.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 12:18 pm (UTC)(link)
So I guess I'll do the pointing.

*Naruto's hands were tight on Sasuke's hips; he tangled their legs together, rubbed the side of his foot against one of Sakura's calves and watched her nibble on Sasuke's ear.*

Change the 'watched her nibble' to 'watched Sakura nibble'. Sakura's last action was too far back to be slipped in smoothly with just a pronoun.

*Sakura squeaked, rolled to the side; Naruto started to dig his fingers into Sasuke's hips, but his claws caught skin and he hesitated.*

*Naruto laughed, hard and loud and way too amused; "It's more about what hasn't." and Sasuke glared at him briefly --*

I don't think that you need the semi-colons. Normal full stops or even commas would do fine.

*it was a toss-up whether he or she would jump each other first...*

it's too twisty, try
'it was a toss-up who would jump who first...'

*He wound his arm around her waist, dug his fingers into his biceps, and bit-kissed her shoulder. *

who? what? where? um.
'wound an arm' 'dug his fingers into Sasuke's bicep'
I think that's what you meant.

*Sasuke made an annoyed noise and slipped his Naruto-free hand under her to cup a breast, making her gasp and stop laughing very quickly. "Shut up, or you won't get any."*

Nothing wrong, just squee! SQUEE! EEEEEEEE! My favourite line in the Teamwork 2. Oh yes it is.

*"I want to be in our bed," Sakura retorted;*
*but neither he nor Sakura relaxed their grip; *

Is there a reason there are so many semi-colons or are you just not tapping the shift key at the right time? what kind of idiot designed a keyboard that means you hit one key for a semi-colon and two keys for a full stop.

*"... Okay!" *

Um, who says this, and why? It's a bit random all by itself.

*but when they crossed the door between the dojo and the house, *

can't cross a door unless it's lying on the ground. Try
'passed through the door between the dojo and the house.'

Made my day to read this, sigh, it's finished. thank you it's first time in a while that I've had something to squee over. Teamwork always manages it.

You might actually win a few days of holiday before we start pestering you for Teamwork3 or any of the other one shots you've now promised us. Yes, you promised.
Sakura hunting Sasuke, coolies, vunerable Naruto, huggles, Sasuke going to Sakura sitting on the bed, sigh.
Am going off to melt into a puddle of contentedness.

[identity profile] inane-romance.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 01:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Uhm, actually...

The first sentence you pointed out, about nibbling the ear, is fine the way it is. "Sakura" was mentioned in the bit about Naruto rubbing her calf, added to the fact that she's the only "her" there, makes the pronoun justified.

In the second set of corrections, about semicolons, first sentence: The semicolon there is correct as well. Perhaps it would be more consistant with the style of Teamwork to use "rolled to the side--", and maybe plain sensible to use a period, but the semicolon is alright in this sentence.

Everything else I agree with.

(no subject)

[identity profile] j-ecrirai.livejournal.com - 2007-07-05 19:42 (UTC) - Expand
ext_77486: (I love you)

i wish this was more coherent

[identity profile] na-no-nai.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 02:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!1111111111 ♥_____♥ ILU

I think I'm in love with the new Sakura even if it's only temporary. *__* Reluctant but aroused Sasuke.... yum. Naruto and Sakura's teamwork in this is win. *happy sigh* And the fade to black works. Lovely ending to a wonderful fic, m'dear. ♥

[identity profile] hardcoreheathen.livejournal.com 2007-07-05 04:19 pm (UTC)(link)
Wonderful as always. I just recently started following and had to spend a second making a LJ account to answer - anyway, I was wondering if this was a typo: "He wound his arm around her waist, dug his fingers into his biceps, and bit-kissed her shoulder."
Should that be "bite-kissed"? And would, "Dug his fingers into Sasuke's biceps" be more clear? Using the same pronoun for two different people in the same sentence can be confusing.
I hate to criticize when the entire fiction has me laughing and smiling and sad somehow at the same time in a wonderful mix at the surprising realism of a fanfic, but you did ask us to tell you! <3

[identity profile] shiryu-yugure.livejournal.com 2007-07-06 04:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. That was pure WIN on countless levels. -currently drowning in her nosebleed- ^.^

It does make one wonder how much foxier Sakura would be if she were the Kyuubi's vessel rather than Naruto, though.

...then again, that might have turned everything NC-17 in the blink of an eye. Or faster.
ext_2686: (Too much rock for one hand)

yay Sakura!

[identity profile] stripedpetunia.livejournal.com 2007-07-08 08:42 am (UTC)(link)
Mmmmm. MMMMM. Thank you. So much.

It took me a while to get to reading this but ah, what an ending.

Hooooooot.

[identity profile] musicalphrase.livejournal.com 2007-07-08 09:16 am (UTC)(link)
I don't know.
The ending didn't quite settle with me.
That's not to say you did a bad job or anything, but for me, there's something that's missing in the last couple of sentences. It seems like just the end of another chapter, or even the end of a snippit.
Perhaps it's just the wording that is a little off for me; I kind of wanted it to be more final, a little more broad than specific.
And I'm being entirely unhelpful, but that's what I see.
Though I'm the only one seeing it so maybe it's just me being a complete moron.
I loved it though. The fade to black was wonderful, even if I DID want to see them do the dirty, and I adored the bluntness on both Naruto's AND Sakura's parts. The image of the two of them hunting Sasuke was just deadly as well, just an amazing image.
I'm off to bed with visions of team seven dancing in my head. Wonderful work in general, looking forward to future installments.

[identity profile] musicalphrase.livejournal.com 2007-07-08 09:18 am (UTC)(link)
And wow, I just realized I didn't start the comment the way I wanted to at all.
It sounds like I'm being all "Grrr, this is horrible" which it is anything BUT.
>> Forgive me, I'm obviously not thinking clearly at all.

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