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fandom babble -- TL;DR on my preferences whee.
So I posted this a bazillion years ago, I know. Today I unearthed it again. I polished it a bit, added stuff in a few sections, and oh well. *repost-no-jutsu* Most of my pairing preferences haven't changed much, but, ehh. I feel spammy today, except brain wouldn't work on fics. Oh well.
I'm so picky with what I read in the Naruto fandom. People rec me some no doubt great fics -- but I see the pairings or the summary and backbuttony I go. ~___~;;; I wish I could be the kind of person who enjoys any kind of plot or pairing as long as it's IC and presented in a convincing way (it sure would mean I'd get to read more than the same plot rehashed for the hundredth time), but... well. I'm not. There are things that I just don't read, no matter how well it's presented.
I tend to be shallow and not give much of a damn about most minor characters, or adults. XD
-NaruSasuSaku.
And that's it.
Pairings I love but which also get on my nerves when their inherent issues aren't addressed or they're OOC:
-NaruSasu (Naruto: not a weepy uke, not a total moron. Sasuke: not that good at caring for people, not secretly a romantic, not about to decide that his brother matters less than some buttsex and flowers. Also see: rivalry and why it won't magically stop after a bout of "lovemaking", and, if post-timeskip, betrayal issues)
-ItaSasu: hello, incest = not normal, hello, obsession/hate/betrayal issues, not fluffycute. (but ohsohawt/dark/gutwrenching if done right...) (I can read before massacre!ItaSasu, but I have to be in the right frame of mind.)
Pairing I can read about and like, if they're written by authors I trust
-NaruIno (as a lasting thing, not so much, but heh! Blonds have more fun~)
-InoSaku (not enough of that, woe)
-LeeSaku (NOT a convenient throwaway ship, damn it)
-LeeGaara (they have a strange bond, but a bond nevertheless -- in series I read it as platonic, or even just innocent crush-y, but hey, maybe in a few years... XD)
-NejiHina (mmmprettyfuckedup)
-NejiShika (... pretty? Also I could totally buy the two of them as gay.)
-ShikaTema (Temari so tops)
-InoShikaChouji (hi Kitty~)
-Sandcesty pairings
-...NaruNeji and NaruGaara, I guess... but it has to be very IC, and treat Sasuke right. If there's even one whiff of bashing, or any kind of "...Sasuke who?", yay back button.
-KakaIru and KakaGai : only when highly recommended to me. Frankly, I don't really care about Kakashi's love life. (also, hatehatehate dickless!uke!iruka and OMGSECRETLYANBU!iruka)
Pairing I like in the background but which I won't bother looking for as main pairing:
-KibaHina (aw cute)
-ShikaIno (works well 'nough)
-ZabuHaku : It's so perfect in canon, I really don't need fanfic to *snrk* fill the holes.
Pairings I can tolerate in the background (mostly because I don't care either way about them):
-KibaShino (dunno where it came from, just because they were on the same team? also Kiba reads very straight to me, but of course that's my interpretation.)
-Any pairing with Shino (he's creepy. He likes insects too much. He's protective of Hinata. That's all we know about him. I really couldn't care less.)
-Any pairing with Tenten (She's cheerful, energetic and hardworking. She's got great aim. She likes her teammates, but isn't crazy about either of them. She's almost emptier than Shino. If we knew more about her, maybe I'd be more interested, but right now... NejiTen and LeeTen both seem to me a "let's give Lee/Neji a girlfriend... oh hey, who do we know who's hanging around, doesn't hate their guts, and unattached" and not a "oh hey, they have nice chemistry". Tenten needs more personality before she can develop chemistry.~__~)
Pairing that fill my "eee, pretty crack pairing" needs:
-NejiSasu : eee haughty rivaling genius jerks, eee pretty pretty ukesex.it will never happen in the history of ever. Because they will be too busy bitching at each other to have sex. But at least they will look hot while bitching each other out.
-NaruSasuNeji: so hard to imagine the dark-and-angsty duo without a Naruto on top. XD
-TemaIno: mrrr bitchy!lesbiansex. See, they would just need Shika to push them at each other, hoping to be left the hell alone -- and bingo. (though they'd probably team up on him XD haha, as if he would protest)
-ItaNeji : ... it's pretty? And wrong. and would never end well in a million years. Hell, it would never START; Neji would get killed trying to kill Itachi ten seconds after their first meeting. ... did I mention it's pretty?
-ItaNejiSasu: ahaha omg i am killed by the prettyangst and the evilangst and the lethality flying everywhere. Killed before I could ever make sense of it! ohnoez.
-SasuSai: yess, top that bitch, Sasuke, top him good! He's the only one in the world you will ever top deserves it for stealing your place!
pairings I DON'T read
(not begrudging your right to read them and like the dynamics -- but I don't like the dynamics, or I prefer them with someone else)
-SasuSaku.
-NaruSaku.
I don't read Sakura with only one of her boys (whereas I can read the boys together as long as she isn't dismissed or bashed) because :
0) I'm a rivalshipper at heart. :D
1) she loves Sasuke, I can't see her just suddenly not loving Sasuke, which means that I can't see her easily falling out of love with Sasuke and in love with Naruto -- even if, post-timeskip, Sakura and Naruto's relationship is a lot closer and kinda flirty. (But then, even if the fic manages to convincingly develop her changing feelings, I'm a Sasuke fan first and foremost. I hate hate hate fics where she "sees the light" and "dumps" him to shack up with Naruto -- in these fics, it's usually a "well he got what he deserved/he didn't deserve them anyway" thing and I can't stand that. Even when it's not, I hate seeing him left behind -- and fics where she moves on after his death are WORSE.)
Besides, Naruto and Sakura's interaction is incredibly cute, but their strongest link is their common desire to have Sasuke back home, safe, and healed. Seeing how emotionally insecure and closed up Sasuke is, I can't see them shacking up without even giving a thought for his emotional wellbeing -- which means that it would take Sasuke a) coming to terms with it and realizing that they won't abandon him for so little, therefore he doesn't have a reason to feel excluded or jealous, and b) emotionally healed enough that they don't need to spend all their attention on him instead of each other, before they would feel that they can get together.
Of course it's possible to write NaruSaku where Sasuke never came back, was killed, or whatever. But in this case it gains a layer of tragedy -- it's NOT going to become somehow all fluffycuteperfect the second the evil bastard is out of their lives for good no no no did you understand anything of the show -- ahem. The point, anyway, isn't Sasuke's evilnesshe's not evil damn iiiiiit he's (necessarily) selfish, misguided, lonely, grieving and deeply broken, it doesn't mean he's evil arghhh it's not like he ENJOYS becoming his brother in order to kill him, you assholes but the fact that I'm a Sasuke fan first and foremost, and I don't want to read fics that mistreat or mischaracterize him.
2) Sasuke doesn't allow himself to notice her in a romantic way. He just can't afford it.that and he might be gay. XD Her feelings utterly baffle him. He's glad that she loves him, but even when he's not being mindfucked, he has no clue what to do with her feelings; he's got his revenge to concentrate on -- Naruto just went and forced his way in without asking, but he's not allowing anyone else -- and emotionally he's still stuck on his family and still juggling with the concept of "friends" -- and what he does know is that she loves him and if she dies it will be his fault, and he refuses that.
Pre-timeskip, he protects her, and sometimes even try to cheer her up in underhanded ways, but he doesn't really understand her motives, and his relationship (rivalry/friendship of equals) with Naruto matters a lot more to him than his relationship with Sakura (adoration from someone weaker than him) She's important to him, but (romantically or not) Naruto's a lot more important -- almost as important as Itachi. Any romantic relationship he would have with her (or anyone) would take a backseat to these two dynamics.
I can see him with Naruto even when his issues with Itachi aren't resolved, because Naruto just shoved himself past Sasuke's barriers and he's already there under his skin; but Sakura never pushed as much and thus he kept her at arm's length. For him to accept her love, he would need a major paradigm shift, or that Itachi be dead already.
-Sakura lets Sasuke's emo drag her down. She wants to be with him, she empathizes so much that she hurts with him -- and as a result she is paralyzed. Sasuke doesn't need perfect understanding of the depths of his pain as much as he needs someone to pull him out of it, by the hair if need be -- so far all that Sakura has done is torturing herself with his pain and his refusal to accept her help. She loves him, and that's good, but it isn't enough. Besides I'm pretty sure he doesn't want her to get it, he doesn't want anyone to get it; it's too deep and too raw and it would only expose a weakness, which he hates, and also hurt someone he cares about. He would never want anyone to hurt themselves so much just for the sake of sharing. Sharing wouldn't heal him. Sakura following him into the depths might be touching and meaningful, but in the end, they'd both just sink together. She needs to figure out another way to help -- but Sasuke needs to start wanting to come back up, too, and he won't want to do that just for her sake.
In futurefics, I could see it happen; but Naruto would have to begin the saving so that Sakura can take up the healing. Right now Sasuke doesn't want any of it, and you can't save a person from themselves against their will.
... but I still don't really want to read about it, because while SasuSaku might be quiet, tragic and very emotional and romantic... I'm a rivalshipping fan first. XD
I suspect I will grow to like SasuSaku a lot more if Sakura manages to plant a fist in Sasuke's face at some point.
-NaruHina. (Cute. Like puppies. Ergo, booooring. ;D Also I'm pretty sure she'll be a part of Naruto's perfect "happy ending" in canon. Also, no Sasuke. Major turn off, that.)
-MaleGenin/Sakura: too often Sakura-Sue, also usually Naruto and Sasuke are background characters and if they're not in the fic, ehh.
-Kakashi/any of his students -- wait, any teacher / any student. (yes, Sera, that includes Yondy/Kakashi) I can read Teacher/Student in Harry Potter (snarry anyone?) but in Naruto, I just can't stand the thought. It's just -- no. Aside from the ethics, they first saw their brats when they were twelve. When you're an adult, even if they grow up pretty, you probably don't consider someone you met at twelve attractive unless you're a pedophile. And it bothers me here for other reasons I can't entirely explain. I don't like big age and power differences in relationships -- I think I only like snarry because the ANGRYSEX factor overwhelms it. XD (besides the only one amongst team seven I could really see is KakaSasu and it feels almost like father/son incest to me; and while I can almost see it happen, the dynamic is very much not for me.)
-Itachi/anyone but Kisame or Sasuke -- and even so, if it's anything but mindfucky and totally messed up and angsty as hell and definitely not a happy-ending kind of story, it's the back button. Itachi is emotionally crippled; I can see him being possessive, I can see him with hormones -- but in love? Unless that's a messed up love where he delights in the way the person responds to mindfucking and/or physical attacks, I can't see it. He's like the anti fluffycute. He would also not "settle down". Ever. And weakness disgusts him, so the "Itachi finds X lost/injured/traumatized and protects/heals her" thing has got to stoooop. DDD: He killed his whole clan because they were too weak and complacent for him, for god's sake. If he were in love, he'd probably show it with disturbing amounts of interest in how lethal the other person can be. He's not interested in weak people.
-ItaSaku, ItaHina : AHAHAHAHA what the fuck no.
-SasuHina : The dynamic between cold-snappy bastard who can zero in on a weakness in a second, and shy-gentle-unsure girl still working to unfold her potentialif she has any and in love with someone else is not for me, also I'm deeply allergic to the lazy way most people tend to use the "arranged marriage" plot as a shortcut instead of dealing with all the pitfalls included in said plot -- which could be fascinating but everyone seems to spit on it.
-GaaSaku, GaaIno, GaaHina... Gaara/anyone not Naruto or Lee or his sibling: Hello, Gaara was a borderline sociopath, and definitely had homicidal tendencies.
The first time he met Sakura, he only noticed two things -- she loved someone enough to die to protect him -- which made her hate Gaara like everyone else had ever hated him -- and she reminded him of Yashamaru. Neither was positive. The rest of the time, she was just a hostage while he dealt with Naruto.
Pre-timeskip, Gaara only reacts positively to very few people (the rest of the world is in his "ignore until they make themselves enough of a nuisance to bother killing them" folder), and besides he needs to seriously work at his crazies before he can consider "liking" someone. Emotionally speaking, pre-timeskip he's about FIVE YEAR OLD -- a severely abused five-year-old -- and he doesn't understand caring.
Post-timeskip, he's accepted that he had to protect his village, and then they would depend on him and he would finally have a bond with people -- and it's not LOVE. It's a bond of acknowledgement. Right now he's still working on being acknowledged as an ally -- still doing his best to get it, without even noticing that he does have it, that he earned it at some point. "You exist. You have a right to exist. I do not mind your existence." That's all he wants at the moment. Next come POLITE ACQUAINTANCES, and FRIENDS, not "omg true love". Naruto and Lee are already his friends, and Temari and Kankurou stuck with him forever (and he's messed up enough not to know or care that incest is frowned upon. His whole existence is "wrong" anyway) so them getting to the next level soonish is a lot more believable. Anyone else is gonna have to start at rock bottom and work their way up, and it won't be easy.
Whenever I see a "kunoichi-sue whirls in, gets a crush, and heals Gaara's soul/teaches Gaara what Love is in under a month", I weep. We're looking at years of therapy and slow personal growth here, not at moonlit promises. Gaara+romance=nooooes.
-NaruSai, SakuSai: nooo he's just ersatz!Sasuke! Sasuke Lite! DIET SASUKE! He's like non-alcoholic beer and Sasuke is -- okay, okay. No, mostly what bothers me is his sudden loss of backbone and his transformation into a Naruto cheerleader. Urgh. The too-smiling snarky maladjusted-but-not-caring!Sai would have been kinda hot with them, but blargh.
-really, REALLY random pairings for the hell of it, like (haha sorry Kirin XD) Kisame/Hinata, or Kabuto/Ino or stuff like that : eh. If they don't even meet in canon, and the only point seems to be LOL IM SO ORIGINAL, I really can't be bothered. (exceptions: ItaNeji, but that's![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
campfuckudie's fault, and that one NejiKankuro I recced a while back -- but then it was held up by the plot and the settings, not only by the character interaction. It was a "never would have happened if the situation were different" thing, not a OMG THEY'RE SO PERFECT TOGETHER EEE thing.)
Genres I don't read
-Naruto was raised by Kakashi/Jiraiya/Iruka/an OC and now he's TOTALY DIFRENT YEY. I understand the urge to make Naruto's past less awful, but without his past and his struggles to be acknowledged and his refusal to be swallowed by his OMGangst, he's... not Naruto anymore.
-Same goes for "Itachi didn't go on his rampage" and "it wasn't Itachi who killed the Uchihas" fics -- very few of them fully understand and properly use the changes it would mean for the structure and history of the village, and for Sasuke's growth. (except Uchiha fics are sexy, so I'll read those, but you better believe I'll be staring real hard at the characterization.)
-- NARUTO IZ SECRETLY SMARTER THN SHIKA N UBERSKILLED N ALL DEEP N STUFFN NOONE CAN UNDRESTAND HIS PAIN N HE SHOWS UP ALL THOSE ASSHOLES AND GETS THE GIRL, HAH! = ... wtf. Who's that pod person? Get your Gary Stu out of my face, I want canon!Naruto back!
-Time Travel. I don't know why, it just doesn't do it for me.
-Deathfics. I'm a wuss. ;_;
-Who Will He Choose? I'm a wuss. ;_; I want him to choose both. Except in many cases the threesome-to-solve-pairing-wars approach does not actually work. Besides, too often, it's clear right from the start who will "win", which means it's another uber-romantic cookie-cutter plot with characters shoehorned into their roles and bleah. Besides, love should not be a fucking competition.
-Next Generation stories, Self Inserts, Original characters as a focus. (two exceptions: The Way of the Apartment Manager, where a woman takes 6-year-old Naruto in, which details the way Konoha works, and a "Ripple Effect" spinoff by Rayemars, with two Sound Nins traipsing around the countryside after the fall of Sound -- great exploration of ronin-ninja mindset, living outside of ninja villages. now those are OCs done right -- and on top of that they offer fascinating insights and deeply imaginative extrapolations on the world of Naruto. read them. :p) If there is an OC pov, I want them to be interesting, of course, but also I want to be able to see how big and interesting and original the world is through their eyes. Else it's not Naruto fanfic, just a generic-ish battle!ninja!Ofic.
-School fics: one of the major interests of Naruto for me is the world in which it takes place -- chakra, enemy countries, village politics, seals, ANBU and everything. You take that away, it becomes very boring and generic. If I'm going to read an AU, the new world better be shiny, or else it usually isn't worth it.
-Crossovers that make no fucking sense. XP work at it to make the worlds fit, damn it.
-Fics that sound more like "Friends" than like life in a ninja village -- where the biggest problem is who dates who, where EVERYONE ends up happily paired off at the end, and where it seems like no one has ever spilled a drop of blood in their life -- unless there's angst to be had, in which case bring out the flashbacks.
-Fics where one of the guys bottoms, not because he likes it better than topping, but because it's "the natural order of things" or something.
-Sweet-romantic romance. XD Fics with candlelit dinners bore me unless they fling food at each other or are mightily uncomfortable. Movie-dates get a "hn" unless they're watching a car chase or a sword fight or being dorks or whatever. Flowers? Ehn. Passionate insults from usually coldly aggressive people are sexy. Unsaid declarations are much more touching than bellows of "I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER YOU ARE MY TRUE SOULMATE HOW COULD I EVER LIVE A DAY WITHOUT YOU." After all, 'You say it better when you say nothing at all.' :p
(not counting, of course, fics containing blatant OOC, character bashing and caricaturing characters, horrible grammar and spelling skills, ANs in the middle of the story, and the like, which are just bad writing no matter the genre. :p)
I'm so picky with what I read in the Naruto fandom. People rec me some no doubt great fics -- but I see the pairings or the summary and backbuttony I go. ~___~;;; I wish I could be the kind of person who enjoys any kind of plot or pairing as long as it's IC and presented in a convincing way (it sure would mean I'd get to read more than the same plot rehashed for the hundredth time), but... well. I'm not. There are things that I just don't read, no matter how well it's presented.
I tend to be shallow and not give much of a damn about most minor characters, or adults. XD
-NaruSasuSaku.
And that's it.
Pairings I love but which also get on my nerves when their inherent issues aren't addressed or they're OOC:
-NaruSasu (Naruto: not a weepy uke, not a total moron. Sasuke: not that good at caring for people, not secretly a romantic, not about to decide that his brother matters less than some buttsex and flowers. Also see: rivalry and why it won't magically stop after a bout of "lovemaking", and, if post-timeskip, betrayal issues)
-ItaSasu: hello, incest = not normal, hello, obsession/hate/betrayal issues, not fluffycute. (but ohsohawt/dark/gutwrenching if done right...) (I can read before massacre!ItaSasu, but I have to be in the right frame of mind.)
Pairing I can read about and like, if they're written by authors I trust
-NaruIno (as a lasting thing, not so much, but heh! Blonds have more fun~)
-InoSaku (not enough of that, woe)
-LeeSaku (NOT a convenient throwaway ship, damn it)
-LeeGaara (they have a strange bond, but a bond nevertheless -- in series I read it as platonic, or even just innocent crush-y, but hey, maybe in a few years... XD)
-NejiHina (mmmprettyfuckedup)
-NejiShika (... pretty? Also I could totally buy the two of them as gay.)
-ShikaTema (Temari so tops)
-InoShikaChouji (hi Kitty~)
-Sandcesty pairings
-...NaruNeji and NaruGaara, I guess... but it has to be very IC, and treat Sasuke right. If there's even one whiff of bashing, or any kind of "...Sasuke who?", yay back button.
-KakaIru and KakaGai : only when highly recommended to me. Frankly, I don't really care about Kakashi's love life. (also, hatehatehate dickless!uke!iruka and OMGSECRETLYANBU!iruka)
Pairing I like in the background but which I won't bother looking for as main pairing:
-KibaHina (aw cute)
-ShikaIno (works well 'nough)
-ZabuHaku : It's so perfect in canon, I really don't need fanfic to *snrk* fill the holes.
Pairings I can tolerate in the background (mostly because I don't care either way about them):
-KibaShino (dunno where it came from, just because they were on the same team? also Kiba reads very straight to me, but of course that's my interpretation.)
-Any pairing with Shino (he's creepy. He likes insects too much. He's protective of Hinata. That's all we know about him. I really couldn't care less.)
-Any pairing with Tenten (She's cheerful, energetic and hardworking. She's got great aim. She likes her teammates, but isn't crazy about either of them. She's almost emptier than Shino. If we knew more about her, maybe I'd be more interested, but right now... NejiTen and LeeTen both seem to me a "let's give Lee/Neji a girlfriend... oh hey, who do we know who's hanging around, doesn't hate their guts, and unattached" and not a "oh hey, they have nice chemistry". Tenten needs more personality before she can develop chemistry.~__~)
Pairing that fill my "eee, pretty crack pairing" needs:
-NejiSasu : eee haughty rivaling genius jerks, eee pretty pretty ukesex.
-NaruSasuNeji: so hard to imagine the dark-and-angsty duo without a Naruto on top. XD
-TemaIno: mrrr bitchy!lesbiansex. See, they would just need Shika to push them at each other, hoping to be left the hell alone -- and bingo. (though they'd probably team up on him XD haha, as if he would protest)
-ItaNeji : ... it's pretty? And wrong. and would never end well in a million years. Hell, it would never START; Neji would get killed trying to kill Itachi ten seconds after their first meeting. ... did I mention it's pretty?
-ItaNejiSasu: ahaha omg i am killed by the prettyangst and the evilangst and the lethality flying everywhere. Killed before I could ever make sense of it! ohnoez.
-SasuSai: yess, top that bitch, Sasuke, top him good! He
pairings I DON'T read
(not begrudging your right to read them and like the dynamics -- but I don't like the dynamics, or I prefer them with someone else)
-SasuSaku.
-NaruSaku.
I don't read Sakura with only one of her boys (whereas I can read the boys together as long as she isn't dismissed or bashed) because :
0) I'm a rivalshipper at heart. :D
1) she loves Sasuke, I can't see her just suddenly not loving Sasuke, which means that I can't see her easily falling out of love with Sasuke and in love with Naruto -- even if, post-timeskip, Sakura and Naruto's relationship is a lot closer and kinda flirty. (But then, even if the fic manages to convincingly develop her changing feelings, I'm a Sasuke fan first and foremost. I hate hate hate fics where she "sees the light" and "dumps" him to shack up with Naruto -- in these fics, it's usually a "well he got what he deserved/he didn't deserve them anyway" thing and I can't stand that. Even when it's not, I hate seeing him left behind -- and fics where she moves on after his death are WORSE.)
Besides, Naruto and Sakura's interaction is incredibly cute, but their strongest link is their common desire to have Sasuke back home, safe, and healed. Seeing how emotionally insecure and closed up Sasuke is, I can't see them shacking up without even giving a thought for his emotional wellbeing -- which means that it would take Sasuke a) coming to terms with it and realizing that they won't abandon him for so little, therefore he doesn't have a reason to feel excluded or jealous, and b) emotionally healed enough that they don't need to spend all their attention on him instead of each other, before they would feel that they can get together.
Of course it's possible to write NaruSaku where Sasuke never came back, was killed, or whatever. But in this case it gains a layer of tragedy -- it's NOT going to become somehow all fluffycuteperfect the second the evil bastard is out of their lives for good no no no did you understand anything of the show -- ahem. The point, anyway, isn't Sasuke's evilness
2) Sasuke doesn't allow himself to notice her in a romantic way. He just can't afford it.
Pre-timeskip, he protects her, and sometimes even try to cheer her up in underhanded ways, but he doesn't really understand her motives, and his relationship (rivalry/friendship of equals) with Naruto matters a lot more to him than his relationship with Sakura (adoration from someone weaker than him) She's important to him, but (romantically or not) Naruto's a lot more important -- almost as important as Itachi. Any romantic relationship he would have with her (or anyone) would take a backseat to these two dynamics.
I can see him with Naruto even when his issues with Itachi aren't resolved, because Naruto just shoved himself past Sasuke's barriers and he's already there under his skin; but Sakura never pushed as much and thus he kept her at arm's length. For him to accept her love, he would need a major paradigm shift, or that Itachi be dead already.
-Sakura lets Sasuke's emo drag her down. She wants to be with him, she empathizes so much that she hurts with him -- and as a result she is paralyzed. Sasuke doesn't need perfect understanding of the depths of his pain as much as he needs someone to pull him out of it, by the hair if need be -- so far all that Sakura has done is torturing herself with his pain and his refusal to accept her help. She loves him, and that's good, but it isn't enough. Besides I'm pretty sure he doesn't want her to get it, he doesn't want anyone to get it; it's too deep and too raw and it would only expose a weakness, which he hates, and also hurt someone he cares about. He would never want anyone to hurt themselves so much just for the sake of sharing. Sharing wouldn't heal him. Sakura following him into the depths might be touching and meaningful, but in the end, they'd both just sink together. She needs to figure out another way to help -- but Sasuke needs to start wanting to come back up, too, and he won't want to do that just for her sake.
In futurefics, I could see it happen; but Naruto would have to begin the saving so that Sakura can take up the healing. Right now Sasuke doesn't want any of it, and you can't save a person from themselves against their will.
... but I still don't really want to read about it, because while SasuSaku might be quiet, tragic and very emotional and romantic... I'm a rivalshipping fan first. XD
I suspect I will grow to like SasuSaku a lot more if Sakura manages to plant a fist in Sasuke's face at some point.
-NaruHina. (Cute. Like puppies. Ergo, booooring. ;D Also I'm pretty sure she'll be a part of Naruto's perfect "happy ending" in canon. Also, no Sasuke. Major turn off, that.)
-MaleGenin/Sakura: too often Sakura-Sue, also usually Naruto and Sasuke are background characters and if they're not in the fic, ehh.
-Kakashi/any of his students -- wait, any teacher / any student. (yes, Sera, that includes Yondy/Kakashi) I can read Teacher/Student in Harry Potter (snarry anyone?) but in Naruto, I just can't stand the thought. It's just -- no. Aside from the ethics, they first saw their brats when they were twelve. When you're an adult, even if they grow up pretty, you probably don't consider someone you met at twelve attractive unless you're a pedophile. And it bothers me here for other reasons I can't entirely explain. I don't like big age and power differences in relationships -- I think I only like snarry because the ANGRYSEX factor overwhelms it. XD (besides the only one amongst team seven I could really see is KakaSasu and it feels almost like father/son incest to me; and while I can almost see it happen, the dynamic is very much not for me.)
-Itachi/anyone but Kisame or Sasuke -- and even so, if it's anything but mindfucky and totally messed up and angsty as hell and definitely not a happy-ending kind of story, it's the back button. Itachi is emotionally crippled; I can see him being possessive, I can see him with hormones -- but in love? Unless that's a messed up love where he delights in the way the person responds to mindfucking and/or physical attacks, I can't see it. He's like the anti fluffycute. He would also not "settle down". Ever. And weakness disgusts him, so the "Itachi finds X lost/injured/traumatized and protects/heals her" thing has got to stoooop. DDD: He killed his whole clan because they were too weak and complacent for him, for god's sake. If he were in love, he'd probably show it with disturbing amounts of interest in how lethal the other person can be. He's not interested in weak people.
-ItaSaku, ItaHina : AHAHAHAHA what the fuck no.
-SasuHina : The dynamic between cold-snappy bastard who can zero in on a weakness in a second, and shy-gentle-unsure girl still working to unfold her potential
-GaaSaku, GaaIno, GaaHina... Gaara/anyone not Naruto or Lee or his sibling: Hello, Gaara was a borderline sociopath, and definitely had homicidal tendencies.
The first time he met Sakura, he only noticed two things -- she loved someone enough to die to protect him -- which made her hate Gaara like everyone else had ever hated him -- and she reminded him of Yashamaru. Neither was positive. The rest of the time, she was just a hostage while he dealt with Naruto.
Pre-timeskip, Gaara only reacts positively to very few people (the rest of the world is in his "ignore until they make themselves enough of a nuisance to bother killing them" folder), and besides he needs to seriously work at his crazies before he can consider "liking" someone. Emotionally speaking, pre-timeskip he's about FIVE YEAR OLD -- a severely abused five-year-old -- and he doesn't understand caring.
Post-timeskip, he's accepted that he had to protect his village, and then they would depend on him and he would finally have a bond with people -- and it's not LOVE. It's a bond of acknowledgement. Right now he's still working on being acknowledged as an ally -- still doing his best to get it, without even noticing that he does have it, that he earned it at some point. "You exist. You have a right to exist. I do not mind your existence." That's all he wants at the moment. Next come POLITE ACQUAINTANCES, and FRIENDS, not "omg true love". Naruto and Lee are already his friends, and Temari and Kankurou stuck with him forever (and he's messed up enough not to know or care that incest is frowned upon. His whole existence is "wrong" anyway) so them getting to the next level soonish is a lot more believable. Anyone else is gonna have to start at rock bottom and work their way up, and it won't be easy.
Whenever I see a "kunoichi-sue whirls in, gets a crush, and heals Gaara's soul/teaches Gaara what Love is in under a month", I weep. We're looking at years of therapy and slow personal growth here, not at moonlit promises. Gaara+romance=nooooes.
-NaruSai, SakuSai: nooo he's just ersatz!Sasuke! Sasuke Lite! DIET SASUKE! He's like non-alcoholic beer and Sasuke is -- okay, okay. No, mostly what bothers me is his sudden loss of backbone and his transformation into a Naruto cheerleader. Urgh. The too-smiling snarky maladjusted-but-not-caring!Sai would have been kinda hot with them, but blargh.
-really, REALLY random pairings for the hell of it, like (haha sorry Kirin XD) Kisame/Hinata, or Kabuto/Ino or stuff like that : eh. If they don't even meet in canon, and the only point seems to be LOL IM SO ORIGINAL, I really can't be bothered. (exceptions: ItaNeji, but that's
campfuckudie's fault, and that one NejiKankuro I recced a while back -- but then it was held up by the plot and the settings, not only by the character interaction. It was a "never would have happened if the situation were different" thing, not a OMG THEY'RE SO PERFECT TOGETHER EEE thing.)Genres I don't read
-Naruto was raised by Kakashi/Jiraiya/Iruka/an OC and now he's TOTALY DIFRENT YEY. I understand the urge to make Naruto's past less awful, but without his past and his struggles to be acknowledged and his refusal to be swallowed by his OMGangst, he's... not Naruto anymore.
-Same goes for "Itachi didn't go on his rampage" and "it wasn't Itachi who killed the Uchihas" fics -- very few of them fully understand and properly use the changes it would mean for the structure and history of the village, and for Sasuke's growth. (except Uchiha fics are sexy, so I'll read those, but you better believe I'll be staring real hard at the characterization.)
-- NARUTO IZ SECRETLY SMARTER THN SHIKA N UBERSKILLED N ALL DEEP N STUFF
-Time Travel. I don't know why, it just doesn't do it for me.
-Deathfics. I'm a wuss. ;_;
-Who Will He Choose? I'm a wuss. ;_; I want him to choose both. Except in many cases the threesome-to-solve-pairing-wars approach does not actually work. Besides, too often, it's clear right from the start who will "win", which means it's another uber-romantic cookie-cutter plot with characters shoehorned into their roles and bleah. Besides, love should not be a fucking competition.
-Next Generation stories, Self Inserts, Original characters as a focus. (two exceptions: The Way of the Apartment Manager, where a woman takes 6-year-old Naruto in, which details the way Konoha works, and a "Ripple Effect" spinoff by Rayemars, with two Sound Nins traipsing around the countryside after the fall of Sound -- great exploration of ronin-ninja mindset, living outside of ninja villages. now those are OCs done right -- and on top of that they offer fascinating insights and deeply imaginative extrapolations on the world of Naruto. read them. :p) If there is an OC pov, I want them to be interesting, of course, but also I want to be able to see how big and interesting and original the world is through their eyes. Else it's not Naruto fanfic, just a generic-ish battle!ninja!Ofic.
-School fics: one of the major interests of Naruto for me is the world in which it takes place -- chakra, enemy countries, village politics, seals, ANBU and everything. You take that away, it becomes very boring and generic. If I'm going to read an AU, the new world better be shiny, or else it usually isn't worth it.
-Crossovers that make no fucking sense. XP work at it to make the worlds fit, damn it.
-Fics that sound more like "Friends" than like life in a ninja village -- where the biggest problem is who dates who, where EVERYONE ends up happily paired off at the end, and where it seems like no one has ever spilled a drop of blood in their life -- unless there's angst to be had, in which case bring out the flashbacks.
-Fics where one of the guys bottoms, not because he likes it better than topping, but because it's "the natural order of things" or something.
-Sweet-romantic romance. XD Fics with candlelit dinners bore me unless they fling food at each other or are mightily uncomfortable. Movie-dates get a "hn" unless they're watching a car chase or a sword fight or being dorks or whatever. Flowers? Ehn. Passionate insults from usually coldly aggressive people are sexy. Unsaid declarations are much more touching than bellows of "I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER YOU ARE MY TRUE SOULMATE HOW COULD I EVER LIVE A DAY WITHOUT YOU." After all, 'You say it better when you say nothing at all.' :p
(not counting, of course, fics containing blatant OOC, character bashing and caricaturing characters, horrible grammar and spelling skills, ANs in the middle of the story, and the like, which are just bad writing no matter the genre. :p)
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