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on writing. Sorta. XD
So I wanted to write a list of tips for beginning writers (the ones who already know about the wonders of grammar and spelling, and are now trying for the next level), but I really am too lazy to baby newborn writers. Besides, I think everyone else who's mildly competent already knows the tricks I could tell them about, because the rest is my personal style and I have no clue how I do it anyway.
But if I did, it would be mostly about how communication and interaction between characters isn't only about lines of dialogue, but tone of voice, body language, facial expressions and stuff, and that most people don't stand face to face, ramrod straight, hands flat against their thighs, and steadily exchange information for five minutes, after which they go their separate ways.
And how, if you can't read your sentence out loud because you trip every four-syllabled word, for god's sake put down the thesaurus. And for that matter, you're not allowed more than two pretty words per sentence because afterwards they start stealing each other's thunder.
(run-on sentences are NOT verboten, but their usage is strictly regulated. Is your character babbling? Desperately out of breath? Are you stressing the hugeness and variety of someone's booty? (the piratey kind -- though, if you've got a character whose milk-shake demands a run-on sentence, I'm interested. ;3) Otherwise, cut it up, for god's sake. Here's a hint; people who try to read it out loud are turning blue. Dead readers are non-reviewing readers.)
Also, people interact with their settings; this means you should have a good idea of where everything is, or at least the main things -- size of the room, where's the furniture, is the tree at the front gate or at the end of the garden -- and possibly what it looks like; and don't randomly move it places. Shapeshifting rooms = rather freaky.(were-kitchens FTW.)
It's alright if you decide to let your reader imagine where everything is -- in fact I'd rather have only one line or two about the mood and general impression the room gives off, and then a few descriptors dropped here and there amongst the action afterwards, than a snooze-worthy laundry list of thirty lines about the grain of the wood of the table and the market where the wine glasses were bought and the exact color of the linoleum and...-- but it's different when you say that something is someplace, and two minutes later, not only it has turned into something else and crawled five feet closer and to the left, but it has changed colors too! D: Imagine the poor character, exhausted, sprawling on his leather couch -- wait, no, it's an armchair -- a barstool! and he falls over.
On that note, people are not shapeshifters either. (unless they are.) Yes, I mean you, miss can-bend-over-backwards-literally, and you, mister splits-are-easy(I-have-steel-hip-joints). (mister lubricating-anus is not invited to this convention.) People only have two hands each. Really. Keep track of them when you lemon. If you say someone is taller than someone else, he better stay this way. (if someone is not taller in canon, and this is not a few years and a few growth spurts later, HE BETTER STAY THAT WAY, just saying. The yaoi height rule needs to be shot point-blank range and buried in a shapeshifting cupboard which will then conveniently become an abandoned washing machine, and then we can dump it in the forest amongst its rusting brethen.)
And um, it's good if you find a writing trick that gives a great effect, but don't use it again and again and again like it's a whore and you just borrowed your daddy's credit card. Go buy yourself a riding crop, a vibrating egg, edible underwear, and try picking up people at the bar. Variety is the spice of fiction writing. Italicizing a word to stress it? Doesn't work when half of the whole fic is in italics. And there's a shortage of dots in Africa now. Think of all the little children who aren't allowed to trail off anymore, and must make do with semicolons instead.
Your fic is not prettier because your font is prettier. Your fic is masking its inadequacies and it would have masked them more convincingly if it had bought a red convertible to attract teenage girls instead, and now everyone will slam it for being sucky AND unreadable. Dark fonts on dark backgrounds deserve to die. Sparkly backgrounds should be drawn and quartered and then fed to the sharks.
Tiny, pretty fonts on sparkly backgrounds would probably bring PETA on our backs for shark mistreatment.
Think of the sharks. Keep your font under eye-gouging levels.
... oh hey, I guess I wrote it after all.
D;
But if I did, it would be mostly about how communication and interaction between characters isn't only about lines of dialogue, but tone of voice, body language, facial expressions and stuff, and that most people don't stand face to face, ramrod straight, hands flat against their thighs, and steadily exchange information for five minutes, after which they go their separate ways.
And how, if you can't read your sentence out loud because you trip every four-syllabled word, for god's sake put down the thesaurus. And for that matter, you're not allowed more than two pretty words per sentence because afterwards they start stealing each other's thunder.
(run-on sentences are NOT verboten, but their usage is strictly regulated. Is your character babbling? Desperately out of breath? Are you stressing the hugeness and variety of someone's booty? (the piratey kind -- though, if you've got a character whose milk-shake demands a run-on sentence, I'm interested. ;3) Otherwise, cut it up, for god's sake. Here's a hint; people who try to read it out loud are turning blue. Dead readers are non-reviewing readers.)
Also, people interact with their settings; this means you should have a good idea of where everything is, or at least the main things -- size of the room, where's the furniture, is the tree at the front gate or at the end of the garden -- and possibly what it looks like; and don't randomly move it places. Shapeshifting rooms = rather freaky.
It's alright if you decide to let your reader imagine where everything is -- in fact I'd rather have only one line or two about the mood and general impression the room gives off, and then a few descriptors dropped here and there amongst the action afterwards, than a snooze-worthy laundry list of thirty lines about the grain of the wood of the table and the market where the wine glasses were bought and the exact color of the linoleum and...-- but it's different when you say that something is someplace, and two minutes later, not only it has turned into something else and crawled five feet closer and to the left, but it has changed colors too! D: Imagine the poor character, exhausted, sprawling on his leather couch -- wait, no, it's an armchair -- a barstool! and he falls over.
On that note, people are not shapeshifters either. (unless they are.) Yes, I mean you, miss can-bend-over-backwards-literally, and you, mister splits-are-easy(I-have-steel-hip-joints). (mister lubricating-anus is not invited to this convention.) People only have two hands each. Really. Keep track of them when you lemon. If you say someone is taller than someone else, he better stay this way. (if someone is not taller in canon, and this is not a few years and a few growth spurts later, HE BETTER STAY THAT WAY, just saying. The yaoi height rule needs to be shot point-blank range and buried in a shapeshifting cupboard which will then conveniently become an abandoned washing machine, and then we can dump it in the forest amongst its rusting brethen.)
And um, it's good if you find a writing trick that gives a great effect, but don't use it again and again and again like it's a whore and you just borrowed your daddy's credit card. Go buy yourself a riding crop, a vibrating egg, edible underwear, and try picking up people at the bar. Variety is the spice of fiction writing. Italicizing a word to stress it? Doesn't work when half of the whole fic is in italics. And there's a shortage of dots in Africa now. Think of all the little children who aren't allowed to trail off anymore, and must make do with semicolons instead.
Your fic is not prettier because your font is prettier. Your fic is masking its inadequacies and it would have masked them more convincingly if it had bought a red convertible to attract teenage girls instead, and now everyone will slam it for being sucky AND unreadable. Dark fonts on dark backgrounds deserve to die. Sparkly backgrounds should be drawn and quartered and then fed to the sharks.
Tiny, pretty fonts on sparkly backgrounds would probably bring PETA on our backs for shark mistreatment.
Think of the sharks. Keep your font under eye-gouging levels.
... oh hey, I guess I wrote it after all.
D;
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Also, fucking HEAR HEAR on the height rule burial.
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ROFLMAO. You really give the best metaphors. Simile, in this case, I guess. XD whatever.
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kidding. :p
*bricked*
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kidding, kidding. Sleep is your friend. Now repeat it. XD
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I really like this 'essay'. It's too snarky, though, to give you new writers to babysit. :D
|Meduza|
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YESS. back off, bratlings!oh, poo. ;.;no subject
Oh man, shapeshifting rooms! GOD I know I've done fics like that when I was young and stupid. Couches that transform into beds because moving the characters to another room to have sex was too much trouble. >_>
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♥no subject
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Damn good advice, that.
And there's a shortage of dots in Africa now. Think of all the little children who aren't allowed to trail off anymore, and must make do with semicolons instead.
I love you. Have my babies. Please.
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Alright, so long as i'm allowed to barbecue one of them in times of great hunger. ♥
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Dear God, yes!!! That's got to be one of my worst pet peeves in writing. I *hate* it when I run across fics like that. Hell, I've run across a few that would be decent if the author didn't write the whole fic as one long sentence. (Well, not *one* sentence, but it was close!) It's really not that hard to fix the problem of run-on sentences. *Why* can't people fix it?! Argh...
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Good points, and I will think of the sharks.
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>_>
Thanks for the advice!
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*snorts up tea* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA~!
I've slipped up on that a few times.That's an excellent piece of advice!no subject
<3
And I will keep these things in mind. I hate when I (yes I have done this too... cause it is harder than one thinks sometimes) re-read my works and realize, shit, how did it go from laundry room to kitchen to living room to bed room in a mattter of one paragraph? Yeah... that has actually happened. Sad as that is. lmao. It was kinda cracktastic and that is what I get for attemtping a lemon at like who knows what hour at a party where people were half destracted too! Yeah....
And I must say, yes on the hieght thing! I mean "bigger they are harder they fall" so what Sasuke's taller no da? Besides... they are what 15? Still growing asses! lol. (Though thinking on it... Sasuke has a good chance at beating Naruto... depending on his genes considering Itachi's amazing height, but he will most definately get the girly pretty looks hands down. Can't get around that. Hey, some things must be sacrificed I guess. lol. Poor Sasuke-chan.)
Sincerest,
Shinigami Twin 04
(Quatre Raberba Winner)
P.S.
No really... you are my idol. Did you get that crazy probably scary as shit stalking post of mines? Yeah... bet you did and would like to ignore I am here as HARD as possible. lmao. I agree. I would too if I met me.
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You get your point across snarkily and make me crack up while doing it. Go you. ^_^