askerian | (teamwork)chapter 5, tidbit n°...I forgot. Hit the "tags" thinger and scroll down. XP

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(teamwork)chapter 5, tidbit n°...I forgot. Hit the "tags" thinger and scroll down. XP

here's more of the meal. The dialogue is stiff in places, and the action needs some smoothing in a few points, but. I'm reaching a stopping point just in time to eat, so. :D

Sasuke only stopped himself from snarking back that it was nothing to be proud of because Sakura's mother chose this time to walk in and announce that dinner was ready.

The seating arrangement was... Hmm. Each parent at one end, with Sakura on one side and Naruto and him safely away on the other side. Maybe they were afraid they'd grope Sakura under the table or something.

As if the table was too wide to prevent playing footsie, if they had been so inclined.

They exchanged some small talk during the entree. Weather, food. Sakura's mother seemed to relax a little, even unbending so far as to reply civilly to Naruto a couple of times, and her father didn't make Sasuke feel as if their littlest twitch was taken in and analyzed.

Then somehow it shifted onto the flowers Naruto had brought -- he didn't mention that they had been Ino's sole responsibility, but somehow admitting that he didn't have a clue how to choose them without help made the Harunos chuckle softly; private joke? The mood was getting better at least -- and then on the Yamanakas. A nice family, yes, and more grounded in the civilian life than many, and, oh, would Sakura still be found there if her parents happened to be in the neighborhood?

Well. At least she could have asked that more bluntly. Sasuke decided that she probably didn't want things to get ugly -- yet -- or else she would have asked point blank if they would be shacking up soon.

"Yes, mom, I'm still there. And going to be there a while, I think. We don't have the kind of income needed to get our own place yet."

"Hmm. Where do you young men live?" her father asked, turning to look at Naruto and him.

Sasuke shrugged. "We're sharing my apartment for now. It isn't a place to raise a child, though; it's only a small bachelor pad."

Hana closed her eyes briefly; her husband gazed down at the table, expressionless. Sasuke wondered what he had said, and then realized that none of them had even mentioned the word "child" or "baby" before; the whole reason why they were entering that weird relationship in the first place.

"Yeah, it's so tiny, there isn't even place for a second futon, I have to sleep on his couch and it really bl--OW." Naruto paled briefly at Sakura's murderous glare, and then grinned sheepishly. "I mean, it's really not comfortable."

"But have you started looking around, at least, to get an idea of the prices?"

"Um, not really, mom. We've been kind of busy..."

Hana stared at her daughter. "What do you mean you've been busy? Isn't it important enough?"

"We had more urgent things to worry about," Sasuke intervened, in a tone that implied the things in question were classified. "There's still time."

Hana didn't take the hint, or if she did, it only aggravated her. "More urgent like what? You haven't left Konoha once last month. What could be more important than having a good roof over your heads?"

Naruto blinked, bewildered. "It's not as if Sasuke's roof is leaking--"

Sasuke and Sakura kicked him at the same time, and only narrowly missed each other.

"It is good," her father commented mildly, "that you aren't demanding. But you will have to raise your standards. Children, especially young children, deserve the best their parents can get them, not merely the least they want to bother with."

Naruto stammered, "Ah -- it wasn't -- I didn't mean..."

"He is right. The baby needs the best you can possibly give. So what, exactly, could be more urgent?"

Sasuke glanced at Naruto quickly, and wondered if he, too, had understood that Sakura still hadn't told her parents about exactly how dangerous the pregnancy was. But with the bewildered way he was looking between Sakura and her mother...

"The Chuunin exam," Sasuke interrupted coolly.

"You are planning on taking it?" Hana asked, bewildered.

"Yes, of course. If we don't, we'll have to wait until the baby is at least a few years old."

"But it's dangerous!" she protested.

"We got through it safely last time," Naruto intervened. "And we're loads better this time around."

Hana gave him a look that said he was missing the point by about ten miles. "But she's pregnant."

Naruto blinked. "It's only three months away, she won't be that fat just yet, right?"

Sakura groaned. "Call me fat again and you'll end up wearing your food."

"It's not like it's a bad fat -- ick."

"Stop. Talking. Now."

Sasuke would have rolled his eyes, but he was caught by surprise by her mother's expression. Half "ah, stupid boys" annoyance, a familiar sight on her daughter's face, and half... reluctant amusement? Was she defrosting at last?

"It's still not very safe... Couldn't you wait until afterwards?"

"Mom, we already talked about this... I'll take months to get back into shape, we'll waste even longer."

"Waste -- is this a race?" Hana frowned, sternly.

"Well, all our friends are already Chuunin and all," Naruto replied, grimacing.

Sasuke frowned. The reminder grated. Still Genin at seventeen, that was pitiful.

"It doesn't mean we suck as ninjas, but it was never a good time. Everyone was 'oh, maybe next year' and everything. It wasn't so bad because, yeah, we weren't going anywhere and there was no reason to insist, but now that we're -- I mean, with the baby..." Naruto stole a glance at Sakura, who nodded encouragingly. "Being Chuunin means that we get paid more. And we're gonna need the money, just like you said, old man. Not next year when Sasuke's stash will be empty from paying for the marriage and Sakura will be all tired and getting back into shape and the baby will be there already, but now, soon. So that's why," he finished, nodding determinedly, "we gotta make Chuunin."

Sasuke observed the Harunos as they exchanged long thoughtful looks. Sakura was watching Naruto with faint surprise; and when the blond glanced back at her, vaguely nervous, she smiled.

"Naruto-san?" her father said softly.

Sasuke blinked. He'd addressed them by their family names before.

"My name is Yukihiro, not 'old man'," he finished, face crinkling as he smiled at the blond.

Naruto stared at him for a few seconds, confused, and then slowly started grinning. "All right, sorry... Yukihiro-san?"

Sakura's mother huffed, but didn't comment. Naruto was beaming as if -- Sasuke looked away.

As if he'd been given... things that Sasuke didn't want to think about -- love and acceptance, things that shouldn't have been so novel to him; if he thought about it too much it would make him -- angry, yes, and he had his own share of problems to rage at.

As if he'd been given all that and didn't care who knew. How could he let his happiness spill on his face like that? He was leaving himself wide open; it would be so easy to hurt him with a few words, and what was worse, that hurt would show too. How could he stand to leave his feelings unprotected?

Frowning, Sasuke gave Sakura's mother a look, ready to alienate her forever by giving her a deathglare from hell if she even looked like she was considering taking a jab -- and found her picking at her plate, trying to hide a mildly conscience-stricken look.

... Well, he thought. Well. So maybe she wasn't entirely evil. It left him rather at a loss, though; he couldn't heal, but he could protect... but it seemed that Naruto and his wide-open heart didn't need his protection. And if he didn't have anything else to think about, he was going to start mulling over the reason why such a simple thing could affect the idiot so much, and he really, really didn't want to.

"Are you done, Uchiha-san?" Hana asked briskly, startling him. "Sakura? Everyone? I'll bring the next course."

She disappeared in the kitchen. More small talk ensued; Sasuke participated here and there as they ate, though he would have been at a loss to repeat what exactly he said later on.

They were almost done with dessert when Hana asked, politely, about Sakura's ring. Sasuke stiffened; it sounded like a loaded question. At least Sakura seemed delighted to show it off...

"And who...?" Hana asked, trailing off when she, apparently, couldn't find a polite way to ask.

Bingo.

"It was from both of us," Sasuke replied quietly.

"But I thought you were the one marrying her? That's a done decision, right?"

"I am."

"So if you are the one marrying her, why weren't you the one buying her this ring?"

'Because I forgot.' Yeah, that would go well.

"She can't get engaged to both of you."

"That's exactly why," he replied; still making sure to keep his voice quiet, because he knew that otherwise it would sound haughty.

Sakura closed her eyes briefly. Naruto's hand was clenched on his lap.

"Legally, it isn't possible to marry two people, however much one might want to. We had to choose, rationally, which one of us would be best received as a husband." But in the end, he thought, so hard that he wasn't sure how they didn't hear, in the end it was just a piece of paper. The noble and ancient institution of marriage -- it didn't mean anything to him. What Sakura meant to him -- that wouldn't change because she would gain a new society-approved title. And what Naruto meant to him... there would never be enough words for it, and maybe that was fine. It was special; it was his own. He didn't want to fit it into a mold; compress some parts, cut off some others that had the misfortune of sticking out. He liked it the way it was, the three of them hopelessly tangled together in ways that totally defied common conventions.

"But you still plan on allowing... On -- afterwards..." She paused, waving at Naruto, visibly searching for words. Sakura was tense, eyes still closed in weariness; Sasuke wondered how many times they'd had this argument in private already.

It wasn't cheating if they were all in the same bed, he thought, and fought to find a way to formulate it diplomatically. In the end, "yes" was all he could reply. She looked at him as if he'd just admitted to planning weekly orgies with whichever neighbors felt like dropping in, and got up, starting to gather the dishes. Her expression shuttered, she disappeared, once again, in the kitchen.

Sasuke got up too, bowing quickly at Yukihiro before following her.

"Haruno-san." He clenched his fists briefly as he stared at her tense shoulders; he wasn't sure what to say, he just knew that he had to say something to salvage the situation. "We both ... have... strong feelings for her," he murmured, violently uncomfortable. He hadn't even told them that to their faces; he didn't want to say anything to that woman. But -- if it shut her up. Maybe it would be worth it. Maybe. He couldn't care less about her feelings; but he couldn't stand the thought of making Sakura choose between her parents and her team. If his own mother -- stop. Stop. Don't think about that.

"But you'll get jealous," she whispered, frustrated, and too caught up in her own internal monologue to notice Sasuke's. "You'll get jealous and kick him out eventually -- he'll cause arguments between you and Sakura, it isn't possible to share someone you love like this..."

"No. Naruto... There was a point in my life where I could have... thrown it all away."

He felt sick; he didn't want to share that, didn't -- it was safe when it was locked away, out of his mind where he didn't have to deal with it anymore.

"My -- friends -- my team. The village. I could have -- you know about that. And he brought me back." He repeated, softly, "he brought me back. So I won't -- I will never be jealous of him. The idea is preposterous."

"You love him," she replied softly, peering at him, visibly confused.

Startled, he could only shrug; even under torture, he wouldn't answer that.

"... Like you love Sakura?"

"No," he replied with a snort, "not at all."

She stared at him a while longer, then relaxed. Sasuke hid away all traces of emotion; if she wanted to be relieved by her assumption that his feelings for Naruto were born out of pure, platonic gratitude, he wasn't going to say anything.

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.... Wow. Oh so wow! >gives you cookies for the new teamwork-nes<

Erm... it all read fine to me (random lurker person that I am) apart from the bit nearer the end. That seemed kinda confusing with the talking and non-talking but... squee!

>goes back to lurking and waiting for more fics

*cuddlepets* thanks ^^

what exactly was confusing? the actual words and sentences, or just the formatting? ^^; inserting line breaks is easy, but rewriting to make it clearer, not so much.

It's just the big blocks of text right at the end, where he says something, thinks a couple of lines, then says some more. I kept getting lost on what he was saying and thinking... but that's just me. Everyone else seems to love it, so just ignore the weird fangirl person

XD maybe they just read more slowly. Still, makes sense, I tend to keep everything together and airing them out can't hurt ^__^ *linebreak linebreak linebreak* thank you ^^

Sasuke hid away all traces of emotion; if she wanted to be relieved by her assumption that his feelings for Naruto were born out of pure, platonic gratitude, he wasn't going to say anything.

Calling Naruto and Sasuke's relationship 'pure, platonic' anything is laughable.

The only problem with this part is the choppy telling instead of showing with the conversations at dinner, but I’m not sure what else you can do unless you want to write it out or show Sasuke somehow withdrawing into himself.

heh, yeah. XD Especially in Teamwork where Sasuke's feelings are all but platonic.

Yeah, I know, it's so totally breaking the flow and the "show don't tell" rule, but argh I don't want to lose more time trying to find actual dialogue and stuff, I've got enough of this chapter, ARRRRRGH.

... or something like that.

So. Choppy. oh well. T_T

heh, yeah. XD Especially in Teamwork where Sasuke's feelings are all but platonic.

~~when will they be having sex?~~ Speaking of that line, it's really hard to like Sakura's mom. I kind of get her feelings, but mostly I want to smack her.

Yeah, I know, it's so totally breaking the flow and the "show don't tell" rule, but argh I don't want to lose more time trying to find actual dialogue and stuff, I've got enough of this chapter, ARRRRRGH.

... or something like that.

So. Choppy. oh well. T_T

Write the rest and when you look over the chapter, see if there's something you can fix to make it smoother. If you can't, fuck it. The fic can't be perfect and fic should be fun first.

~~eventually. maybe. still haven't found my mental boner again.~~ XP hey, she's worried.

heh. i'll do that ^___^

XP hey, she's worried.

Yeah, that does come through. But still...

heh. i'll do that ^___^

Good.

Hah. I know you hate this chapter with a burning passion, but I'm really loving it. I <3 the conversation and character interaction and these two boys being beautifully socially inept in their own unique ways.

I like both Sakura's parents. Her mom is cold and protective, but, oi, that's what moms are for. Her reactions are believable and natural, and as much as she sucks from the boys' point of view, her attitude is totally understandable. Also, Sakura's dad is awesome. Even if he isn't any happier about the situation, he's being a diplomat (definitely reminds me of my own family dynamic XD).

In short, I think the dinner scene is great. <3 <3 <3

It left him rather at a loss, though; he couldn't heal, but he could protect... but it seemed that Naruto and his wide-open heart didn't need his protection.

falksjdfljs. Sasuke's angst always gets to me, but for some reason, this line kills me.

I love you, Asuka. *smooches*

#u.u# well at least the scene's good for something. ♥

eeeeee~ *squishes* I didn't want to make a totally unbelievable character, so whee for liking mom ^^ (yes. yes, daddy is awesome. *squish* I think he's the OC i'm most proud of. *^^*)

*smooched* !! ~#o.o# *^o^* ♥

I don't mind the choppy, because it sort of echoes what's going on; moments of 'huh-oh' type conversation between stretches of forgettable small talk. It reads pretty well to me, and I like the various dynamics here. The only bit that jarred me a bit was the ending. I liked Sasuke's words and emotions, they rang true, but having him go and say all that to Hana by himself was a bit surprising. Though you do explain it as 'if it can spare Sakura some grief...', so I guess it works along that optic. And I'd hate to see that section get cut because I love the whole platonic (suuuuure, yeaaaaah) thing Hana gets going in her head.

heh, I agree with you here. I should add a line or two about him looking at Naruto and Sakura as Hana leaves and suddenly realizing how bad things will get if her mom decides to get really angry... or something like that. His decision to follow and share just happens too fast, too naturally. (though I do like the bit at the end and definitely want to keep it. ^^)

Protective!Sasuke is so great to read, I love it. Whatever frustrations with your writing you've been having lately, well, the chapter's coming out fine, and your writing of Sasuke is one of my favorites around. <3

*^__^* thank you! *squishes*

Hmm... I don't know, I think the choppiness at the end actually works here. Because Sasuke is the narrator, and he's feeling all awkward, and is mentally withdrawing from the conversation, I think it works.

And now for the obligatory 'favourite line' moment:
"... Like you love Sakura?"

"No," he replied with a snort, "not at all."

This is just pure Sasuke here, and I love him for it.

#^__^#

It's mostly the beginning of the scene that bothers me. ^^;; Ah well, i'll fix it later. ~~OR NOT.~~

(deleted comment)

#.________.# (ahaha. Doing it in reverse. bad, bad fan! XD)

thank you very much. *^^*

What? That's what I did.

(And had me in the position of OH CRAP I NEED TO READ THIS OTHER SERIES SO I CAN WRITE ASUKA A PRESENT.)

Seriously, I like this chapter. This is the sort of conversation that needs to be had and is probably at least as hard on all the people going through it as it is for you writing it.

Oh My Goodness. Outright asking Sasuke if he loves Naruto... I cringed. But he held it together! *slaps Sasuke on the back and runs*

I like it. I thought it read well. I liked his thoughts on marriage. Very practical. Very Sasuke. ^__^

Mommy: Do you love him?
Sasuke: *SPLODIES* WHAT NO SHUT UP DIE.

~#^____^#

It's still looking good. It is a credit to your general awesomeness that even something you utterly hated writing and thought was terrible, still reads well. I like the whole dynamic going on here, and holy crap Sasuke must really want this to run smoothly if he's going to say all that to a cow like Sakura's mom. :O

And Naruto only flubbed up like once. Spectacular.

#.____.#

Oi, she's not a cow ;_; (but hmm, it needs a little more "ZOMG she's gonna mess up everything" before sasuke can believably say all that. hnnn.)

XD yeah. that's all kinds of magical. *pets naruto*

I HAVE FAITH IN YOU~

*pets naruto too*

Fwee! Naruto, go!

it seemed that Naruto and his wide-open heart didn't need his protection.

You so win on that line. perfect. It's cause Naruto is a firey ball of passion that he both totally screws up and consistently wins.

And it looks like Mrs. Haruno has issues with boy-love. no wonder.

hehe #^____^# *pets naruto*

It's not so much issues with boylove as it is "hey, my daughter loves you, you better love her back. i'll kill you if you're using her as a beard, kthnx."

Basically me reading this fic was me going from "Oh Sasuke, you woobie" to "hehehehe" then back again. Naruto and his open heart, and Sasuke with his protection, family, emotions and talking complexes. And Sakura with her edginess. So much love for all of them.

I especially like how Sasuke is all "I don't fit into pieces of paper! I am more special than that!" Yes Sasuke, you're very special :p

I know this part made you scream, but it is plowed through now, and you can move on to the next part which hopefully won't be as hard.

hehehe ^__________^ Sasuke is so squishy XD;;; (and more special. Always.)

Weeell. In some ways the next part promises to be a little worse, but i already have bits and pieces of what needs to be said. I just have to fit them together coherently.

The part that made me go back and re-read because it just got to me was when Yukihiro offered his name to Naruto, and Sasuke's reaction to how Naruto just lit up at the acceptance implied in it.

#^_____^# *cuddles*

*snugglehugs*

Gahh!
I just need a fast forward button... or a time machine? I need to go forward and find out what happens *whines*

*snerk* i'm writing, i'm writing. *petpets*

Hehe, of course it's not how he loves Sakura. Sakura love is lovey while Naruto love is fuck him raw and still a rivalry love! >>;; I like my explanation of it so I'll disappear now, and you rock! ^-^;;

... ohoho. How weird how well your explanation and mine fit. *gleeful chortling* ♥ thank you!

=^-^=! You're welcome!

:bites lip to hold back the squeeing and other happy noises::

Every time you update this fic, it's like a little present. ^^ I love everyone in it, and the characterizations... ah, you remind what the characters are really like.

eeee so cute *picks up and cuddlesquishes* ♥ thank you, love~

(deleted comment)

whee, lurker! *waves* I'm very glad you like it ^______^ ♥

Your uncomfortable sasuke is too adorable for words. Just in case you, y'know, weren't already aware. And yet, somehow, he managed to come out with just the right way of putting it so that sakura's (a little closedminded, a little freaked-out and overprotective) mom could understand it as an ok thing under the circumstances (even if she doesn't really get it). That was... first class, right there. Really impressive work, making it work out like that perfectly but still come off so awkward.

also? My inner fangirl is doing the fangirl dance and saying "EEEEEEeee.... more teamwork! TEAMWORK! WHOOO!"

I really love this.

I know you say you are not comfortable with the start of the scene, but I think you got the it right.

Is it really fair to fool Sakura's mom into thinking that team 7 is in a hetero 3some?!? :) Yeah that works well.

I actually like Sakura's mom now and I love her dad.

I also like how you made Naruto silly and intuitive at the same time. Sakura's parents have fallen under the Naruto spell. Once you get to know him you will love him.

I just looked at eps 4 & 5 and I think that Sasuke approaching Sakura's mom was in character (reminds me of how he fed Naruto) Yeah!! I know I am warped and I am proud.;P

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(teamwork)chapter 5, tidbit n°...I forgot. Hit the "tags" thinger and scroll down. XP

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