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T_T
omg I just tried to read my old original fic, sorta toying with the idea of rewriting it, and IT SUCKS. I mean, there are little details I really love, and some things that still make me laugh, and the characters, I miss them. And yeah, yeah, some of the scenes were pretty awesome. *buffs nails*
But it doesn't change the facts that:
-my writing was so awkward in places that I cringe when I read it again.
-Too much infodump, not enough stumbling over things people didn't know about,
-Alizea is a Sue. She's a half-angel who didn't know that she wasn't human!!, buried in pretty boys up to her neck (but she only wants one of them ohnoez), no one understands her pain, and she eventually becomes an archangel. (and omg so self-righteous. ack.)
-Ashram himself is pretty empty -- standard "hot, dangerous guy your parents warned you about, but still a nice guy underneath".
-Drao is pretty useless to the story, also he doesn't have enough issues seeing the sort of tragic past i gave him.
-I have all these species and all these customs, and yet most of my characters react to things just like humans would. THEY'RE NOT. (okay, the werewolf does react like a wolf most of the time) It's a waste of worldbuilding.
-Things in the background go too easy. They never have problems because they have no legal ID, for one thing. Alizea can't invite five 15-to-20 year old guys to live with her because she lives with her eeeevil uncle? BAM, she inherits a house from her old mentor who conveniently just keeled over. No legal problems from the grandsons either -- and the house is in perfect shape, with a bazillion rooms. HN. no.)
It really shows that I started writing that as a teenager. But I still love it...
So I want to rewrite it. Oh boy.
I can fix Ashram-- just have to up the "offensive language and acts of random violence" side. He's a demon, for god's sake, a demon bad boy isn't at the same level as a human bad boy. He shouldn't let Alizea stop him when people attack him, he should retaliate as violently as he used to do back home. (which means dead or at least badly mangled schoolboys.. oops.) He usually doesn't give a damn about Alizea's prudishness -- i should make him laugh at her about it. He'd be the kind of guy to find it funny.
I can fix Drao -- age him up so he's not a bishonen anymore, and so his "wisdom" side looks a bit more normal from a more mature person. I could make them have to fix up the house -- it would be fun.
I have no clue how to fix Alizea. =_=; she's like -- everyone's OMG around her. NO. especially since she had omg no friends back at school.
I do know that Askerian isn't going to crush on her this time, more like go "Yeah, she's cute, but she's sixteen. She's a baby. I'm seventy-five, for god's sake. ... okay, I'd still jump her. She's way past puberty. still, a baby." As for Reiyel, he'd fuck anything that moves, and I do mean anything, so he's still going to hit on her. He even hits on his own cousins, he had sex with orks and centaurs, he's not going to let a little thing like being millenaries older than her cause him a problem. (but that's Reiyel being Reiyel, so it doesn't count toward her sue-ism. XD)
Also, her dad needs to tell her to stop being a self-centered bitch. So yeah he feels guilty he had to leave her behind to go back home, but he's got a whole clan to lead who ALL descend from him, and if he'd stayed with her, it would have meant a civil war. He shouldn't emo so much about being cruel to her. It's not as if he's never had teenage daughters before.
... Ashram's dad probably isn't living with them at the moment. It's not as if demons marry. Also, he's only, what, 2000 years older than Ashram? Ash should be an adult by now. Meaning that if Ashram still lives with them, it's not going to be a "mommy, daddy, children" family, but a real clan thing, with great grandchildren and uncles and cousins and stuff. And none of them grows up at the same rate -- which means he's going to see people he doesn't know, and old guys who were kids last time he saw them, and mix up people with their daughters or stuff like that. Also, demons might live a really long time, but it doesn't mean that the years don't pass all the same. It's not going to fall back in place as if he'd left two weeks ago.
Fenris the werewolf... (shut up, it's a traditional name XD) I might have to change their meeting. Sure, it was cute as hell to have them meet first when he was just a cub and then a year later he's already a teenager because he stayed a wolf all along -- but then he should be so very not mature inside, not the human way. Besides, too easy. If they really sped up their aging that much by being wolves, Werewolves wouldn't live as long as they could, seeing as they stay half-wolves or wolves most of the time.
... and... and tons of other issues... *groans* the more i think and the more new issues pop up. argh. it's endless.
But it doesn't change the facts that:
-my writing was so awkward in places that I cringe when I read it again.
-Too much infodump, not enough stumbling over things people didn't know about,
-Alizea is a Sue. She's a half-angel who didn't know that she wasn't human!!, buried in pretty boys up to her neck (but she only wants one of them ohnoez), no one understands her pain, and she eventually becomes an archangel. (and omg so self-righteous. ack.)
-Ashram himself is pretty empty -- standard "hot, dangerous guy your parents warned you about, but still a nice guy underneath".
-Drao is pretty useless to the story, also he doesn't have enough issues seeing the sort of tragic past i gave him.
-I have all these species and all these customs, and yet most of my characters react to things just like humans would. THEY'RE NOT. (okay, the werewolf does react like a wolf most of the time) It's a waste of worldbuilding.
-Things in the background go too easy. They never have problems because they have no legal ID, for one thing. Alizea can't invite five 15-to-20 year old guys to live with her because she lives with her eeeevil uncle? BAM, she inherits a house from her old mentor who conveniently just keeled over. No legal problems from the grandsons either -- and the house is in perfect shape, with a bazillion rooms. HN. no.)
It really shows that I started writing that as a teenager. But I still love it...
So I want to rewrite it. Oh boy.
I can fix Ashram-- just have to up the "offensive language and acts of random violence" side. He's a demon, for god's sake, a demon bad boy isn't at the same level as a human bad boy. He shouldn't let Alizea stop him when people attack him, he should retaliate as violently as he used to do back home. (which means dead or at least badly mangled schoolboys.. oops.) He usually doesn't give a damn about Alizea's prudishness -- i should make him laugh at her about it. He'd be the kind of guy to find it funny.
I can fix Drao -- age him up so he's not a bishonen anymore, and so his "wisdom" side looks a bit more normal from a more mature person. I could make them have to fix up the house -- it would be fun.
I have no clue how to fix Alizea. =_=; she's like -- everyone's OMG around her. NO. especially since she had omg no friends back at school.
I do know that Askerian isn't going to crush on her this time, more like go "Yeah, she's cute, but she's sixteen. She's a baby. I'm seventy-five, for god's sake. ... okay, I'd still jump her. She's way past puberty. still, a baby." As for Reiyel, he'd fuck anything that moves, and I do mean anything, so he's still going to hit on her. He even hits on his own cousins, he had sex with orks and centaurs, he's not going to let a little thing like being millenaries older than her cause him a problem. (but that's Reiyel being Reiyel, so it doesn't count toward her sue-ism. XD)
Also, her dad needs to tell her to stop being a self-centered bitch. So yeah he feels guilty he had to leave her behind to go back home, but he's got a whole clan to lead who ALL descend from him, and if he'd stayed with her, it would have meant a civil war. He shouldn't emo so much about being cruel to her. It's not as if he's never had teenage daughters before.
... Ashram's dad probably isn't living with them at the moment. It's not as if demons marry. Also, he's only, what, 2000 years older than Ashram? Ash should be an adult by now. Meaning that if Ashram still lives with them, it's not going to be a "mommy, daddy, children" family, but a real clan thing, with great grandchildren and uncles and cousins and stuff. And none of them grows up at the same rate -- which means he's going to see people he doesn't know, and old guys who were kids last time he saw them, and mix up people with their daughters or stuff like that. Also, demons might live a really long time, but it doesn't mean that the years don't pass all the same. It's not going to fall back in place as if he'd left two weeks ago.
Fenris the werewolf... (shut up, it's a traditional name XD) I might have to change their meeting. Sure, it was cute as hell to have them meet first when he was just a cub and then a year later he's already a teenager because he stayed a wolf all along -- but then he should be so very not mature inside, not the human way. Besides, too easy. If they really sped up their aging that much by being wolves, Werewolves wouldn't live as long as they could, seeing as they stay half-wolves or wolves most of the time.
... and... and tons of other issues... *groans* the more i think and the more new issues pop up. argh. it's endless.
no subject
besides, re-doing your old works feels like being hypocritical when you were proud of them before.
so eh, whatever you do, that's my take. also, Askerian = raaar sexy like Sasuke.
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no subject
I really don't see how. The story grew up, just like I did. I told it badly back then. Now I would be able to tell it better. It's not as if that world had died; i'm not done with it, I wasn't done when I stopped writing.
and magic. and photoshop. :D
no subject
oh yeah, did you know there's little wooden posable figurine of a horsey you could use? it's cute. i want.