askerian | (teamwork) stupid ficlety sidefic

Current Mood: fufufu.

Entry tags:

(teamwork) stupid ficlety sidefic

Born from people prodding me about this tidbit in the latest teamwork drabble I wrote:

"If you want two girls so much, why don't you teach your man your jutsu?" she asks mock-innocently, and represses a smile once again.

Naruto's expression changes from "happy pervy thoughts" to "forlorn". "I offered once. He broke my nose -- hey!"

Haven't betaread yet of course, and it isn't in its definitive shape -- might add/tweak stuff here and there. Sakura/Naruto interaction, rated R because yay pervy conversation. XD

"You want me to what?"

Sakura glares at Naruto. Or gapes; she isn't sure. Probably some mix of the two.

"Ask Sasuke to try the sexy-no-jutsu for me."

Naruto's smile is so sunny, even despite the still bruised nose that she only just finished mending.

"... You want... ME... to ask SASUKE... to become a GIRL for you... so you can...?"

"Perv over you two of course. Come on, I want to see lesbian porn of my own eyes at least once in my life."

She stares at him some more. And then she hits him over the head. He ends up with his face hitting the table, and yelps and whimpers pitifully. "oo broke mah nose again!!"

She growls at him, tilting his head up so she can heal him all over again. "Can't you stop being a perverted ball of hormones even one second?!"

Naruto grumbles, and whimpers when she "forgets" to anesthetize him when she straightens his nose again. "'m nineteen! 'm SUPPOSED to be a ball of hormones -- ow."

She heals him without answering for a minute, scowling and pretending that the idea hasn't finally fully hit her and isn't making her blush. "What makes you think he'd listen to me more than he'd listen to you?"

"Well, I dunno, but at least he wouldn't hit you. But come on, wouldn't that be awesome? I'm not even half as pretty as he is as a guy, and I make a really sexy woman -- imagine what he'd turn into."

She glowers at Naruto. "Naruto, hasn't it occurred to you for even one second that I'm, you know, STRAIGHT?"

"Uh. Oh. But -- it's not a girl, it's Sasuke. Bet you're more Sasusexual than heterosexual. And wouldn't it be fun to have him feel all soft and squishy for once?" he adds, with a diabolical, fangy leer that would be more effective if his nose wasn't still a very ugly purple.

She turns red, and lifts her hand threateningly again, but she doesn't want to have to heal him again. "M-maybe I like him rough and ha-- Oh shut up!!"

Naruto is almost pissing himself with laughter. "Hard!"

"Yes, I said hard, and I didn't mean it like that and you know it so shut up!!"

"Aw, come on. I like him hard too. And needy and breathless and biting and scratching --"

"Naruto!!"

He dodges this time, throwing himself under the table for protection, and she fumes. "You -- you filthy pervert!!"

Naruto's laughing as he emerges on the other side of the table, and leers at her again. "Oh, Sakura-chan, we've been lovers for ages and you still can't take some dirty talking. Mm, naaked Sasuke. All glaring and flushed and breathing hard and pretending he's not about to come."

She splutters and lunges at him; he dodges.

"Come oon Sakura-chaan, pretty please with a naked Sasuke on top..."

"NO! I am not going to ask him that!! I don't even WANT him to do that!"

Naruto switches from evil pervert to kicked puppy. "But -- my dream, my one fantasy..."

"Didn't you use that excuse to get us to -- whatever! I'm straight, and he's just as macho as you, so there!"

"But I would turn into a girl for either of you! And -- oohh."

Oh god. What is he thinking now? He looks like he did the day he figured out he could use the kage bunshin to do both Sasuke and Sakura at the same time -- thank god THAT idea proved to be very, very impractical. She opens her mouth to tell him that whatever kinky, filthy little fantasy just popped into his head can STAY THERE.

"What if I turned into a girl and you turned into a guy? You'd still have straight sex and I'd still have lesbian sex -- it would be perfect!!"

"W-WHAT? !"

He leers. "Come on, tell me you never wondered how it felt to have a dick."

"I have two of them," she snaps back, "and at the moment one of them is being more of a pain than he's worth."

"OUCH." Naruto's hands flit through the seals. POOF. "Here, now I'm not a dick anymore. Soo, how about it, Sakura-chan?"

Naruko leans toward Sakura, wisps of smoke teasingly hinting at the generous curves they're hiding.

Sakura swings at her. Naruko's nose is only saved from a third break thanks to gravity and her own lacking sense of balance.

"Ow."

Sakura stares down at the blonde girl who's suddenly sitting on the floor, legs spread indecently, all surprised, thick-lashed eyes and defenseless attitude. And then she blushes and turns away. The smoke is all but a distant memory by now.

"...owwies. Thank god my tush is more cushiony like that."

"Having a fat butt isn't something to brag about. Get up, idiot," she mutters, still not looking.

Suddenly there are arms around her neck, slender and elegant and soft, and boobs pressing against her back. Naruto whispers in her ear, voice breathier than a phone sex operator. "We could have so much fun, Sakura-chan... Why won't you look at me? Afraid to lose your resolve?"

She squirms, embarrassed, and elbows the blonde, who moans suggestively in response and presses her breasts harder against her back. "You've got nothing I haven't seen in the bathhouse, stupid. I'm straight, get over it. Besides, you want lesbian sex with Sasuke anyway. Leave me out of it."

"I don't want you out. I want you in. In me... or in him... How do you think he'd react -- for once you would be stronger, heavier... you could pin him down, make him feel good... he couldn't fight it, couldn't pretend he's in control or only humoring us... you could make him moan and squeal and pant..."

She shivers. Sasuke is so strong to her, one of the strongest people she knows, and yet living with him so long, she has become intimately acquainted with his carefully hidden weaknesses. He never lets anyone protect him, take care of him -- depending on anyone for anything scares him to death. She wants to prove that she could take care of him too, if only he'd let her, and she doesn't mean in the being a good housewife sense. (He cooks better than her anyway.) Naruto takes care of him sometimes, but not because Sasuke lets him -- because the blond holds him down and makes him accept it.

Sakura... Sakura can't force him to accept anything she has to offer, and so, he only takes it whenever it doesn't threaten his armor of steel and self-reliance too much.

Naruto's tone is satisfied. He can see that she's wavering. "... so... how about it?"

"... I'm still not gay."

"Uh-huh."

"And -- how does your jutsu even work? Won't it just turn me into a curvier girl?" she asks, making her tone skeptical.

"Dunno, maybe. Won't know until you try -- betcha you always wanted to know what you'd look like with Tsunade-big tits, though."

He gropes her, delicate girl-hands with manicured fingernails cupping her breasts openly. She squeals and elbows him. It feels weird; she's used to larger hands, rougher skin. "Naruto!!"

"What?" Grinning, he turns her around, and kisses her -- tongue and all. She's too busy spluttering and, well, and being kissed to formulate an answer. But inside, she's huffing. Her breasts are just fine! She never envied Tsunade or Hinata or Anko, and she was certainly not glad when her pregnancy left her a size larger than before.

It feels weird to be almost the same size, and it feels weirder to have Naruko's soft, ample breasts between them, instead of her own pressing against a flat, muscled chest. Naruko's lips are a little fuller, not as chapped as Naruto's lips usually are. They kiss the exact same way, though, and she sighs, ignoring the weirdness to concentrate on the fact that it's still him.

"... Don't stop on my account," Sasuke drawls from the door.

Sakura yelps, mortified, and tears herself out of Naruko's embrace to face him. He's leaning against the frame, as if he's been here for a little while now.

"Um, Sasuke-kun..."

Naruko slips her arms around her neck and hugs her from behind again. Sakura is reminded of how much she's naked exactly. "Hiii, Sasu-chan!"

His arched eyebrow turns into a sarcastic-and-leering smirk that she's only seen on his face twice -- he just doesn't let loose all that often. She knows what it means...

"Just warn me anytime if you girls need a man."

... Naruto isn't the only one to have a lesbian fantasy.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

and just when you think Sasuke is asexual... *snerk*

actually i think he's gay (or bi, maybe, but more gay, and scared of big boobs XD). But it wouldn't have been as funny XD

(Yeah, I think he's gay and scared of boobs in general. xDD Tsunade must scare him an awful lot.)

::cackle::

The IMAGE of Sasuke saying that last line, oh, it kills me. XD
Also, very very sexy interaction with Naruto and Sakura. ^.^

*purrs* *licks you*

*dhed*

OMG I totally died laughing there at the end. Sasuke, the closet pervert. Wooo.

Bet you're more Sasusexual than heterosexual.

Aren't you the one who coined the expression 'heerosexual'?

=D *happy* *loves on*

XD Heerosexual, Duosexual... heh.

::grin:: Wow. I wouldn't mind seeing this. Any form of it. >.>; I wish I had been Sasuke. Hell, being Sakura wouldn't have been half bad. ^_^

yeah. would be neat to see. ;_; *curses her recent inability to write real pr0n*

(mrphle) bwahahahaaa! And it's so darn ironic that Sasuke ended up getting Naruto's fantasy without even having to ask first; that's so the way Naruto's luck goes, especially around his teammates... ^__^

hee. Guess it is. Poor kid. XD

;_; ne, i want more fic. gimme more fic. anything ;__;

(sweatdrop) have to work! Missed two days of work this week, and Naruto's been having too much fun poking at Sasuke to let me finish the darn second-snip...

**feels guilty, drops off fic snippet: Itachi + kitten = OMGWTFcreepyashell, or at least to me anyhow...**

When Sasuke gasped in a futile moment's struggle and then slumped against the sofa, limp and unconscious in the grip of the Mangekyou, his kitten made a curious little noise, sleepy ears pricking toward its person's face.

Itachi watched as the tiny creature jumped almost onto the sofa, back legs scrabbling for purchase in the fabric until it could scramble its way up beside Sasuke's sleeping face. It cocked its head this way and that, bent to snuffle at Sasuke's nose to be sure he was breathing, batted at his nose with a paw, and waited for a reaction. When none was forthcoming, it batted at his cheek and waited, and then shoved its face against his, and then stood on his face, both forepaws balanced on his cheek, to shove its nose into his ear and snuffle around.

Apparently, the little thing was accustomed to deep sleepers who wouldn't swat it away by reflex; still, Itachi picked the kitten up and smoothed its fur until it stopped struggling in his hands and settled in to sniff at the new person. It licked at Itachi's thumb, then tried a tentative nibble, careful of its teeth; Itachi suspected that the Kyuubi-bearer likely kitten-wrestled with the tiny thing, but his brother likely wouldn't, and so it was testing the new person's wrestle-inclinations. Itachi simply held it in Iruka's tanned hands, and rubbed between tiny fragile shoulderblades until it gave up its halfhearted gestures toward gnawing and yawned hugely. Then he settled it on the sofa next to the curve of his younger brother's cheek, and held it still for a moment.

"Stay," he told it, "and be polite. If you can."

The kitten blinked enormous blue eyes up at him, and Itachi thought that they must have chosen the kitten for its resemblance to the Kyuubi-bearer: wide shining sky-bright eyes, a sweetly mischievous disposition, and far too many trouble-instincts for its size.

It reached over and patted at Sasuke's face again, clearly upset by its person's unresponsiveness; and Itachi sighed a bit and set a fingertip beneath its chin, crouching on his heels to meet its innocent stare with the power in his own gaze.

"Sleep, then," he murmured, "and dream of milk, and catnip."

The sudden volume of the kitten's purr actually startled him for a moment as the kitten yawned and licked its chops and snuggled against Sasuke's tousled hair, all but vibrating with happy rumbles.

**tiptoes back to work**

you're right, it's about as creepy as it's cute. And the cuteness makes the creepy even worse. O_o

**laughs uncontrollably** Oh gods....

I can't....I can't even reply, I'm too....gah.

**runs and hides**

*struts* bwah!

*dhed of laughter*

*comes back to life** ... Oh my god. *chokes*

THAT'S JUST -- oh goodie. brain dhed. of course, Sasuke only has that kinda fantasy with Naruto and Sakura. Since it's Sasuke. and all. ... oh who cares THIS IS JUST PERFECT ♥ *purrs*

when I am coherent enough to form a sentence that people actually understand, I'll be so happy.

*disgruntled* hey, no fair. I even saved a compartment for you in the fridge. *sulks*

I understand you. should i be worried about the state of my brain? XD

/salkgj'sakhgs;lakgh

Oh fuck. Just ... oh fuck. So many bad, bad, bad horrible naughty bunnies bouncing through my head.

HOHOHO. Share the bunnies? I want to hear them. =3

You are such a perv. And we love you for it. XD

Naruto's got a lot of nerve suggesting that to Sakura after what happened with Sasuke... but then again, he's always been known more for nerve than brains. LOL

XD naruto's horny. Besides he'll keep nagging at it until he finds a way to make it work.

*loves back* <3<3

XD Too true. Naruto doesn't know the meaning of the word "quit" - and if he did he'd ignore it.

Well, first off, I guess I should introduce myself. Hello! I've been lurking around reading your fics, and I absolutely love them. I hope that you don't mind that I added you as a friend? Anyway, this fic was hilarious! I think my roommates think I'm crazy because I'm sitting in my room cackling to myself. Sasuke's last comment was very...sexy. I can just imagine him saying it. Damn, and I find myself very much like Sakura in this fic: secretly drooling over Naruko. I love pervy Naruto! Oh, and I also wanted to express how obsessed I am over your Naruto/HP crossover. It's hilarious! Anyway, I'll stop being a stalker now...

hihi! ^___^ No, I don't mind at all. ~~hohoho. soon i shall TAKE OVER THE FANDOM.~~

Thank you! I wasn't sure it wasn't just... well, stupid. ^^; Sometimes it's hard to tell what's going to be funny for everyone and what's only funny to me.

Ah, the naruto/HP crossover.. um. yeah. *running low on ideas* though someone suggested more Kakashi... but I don't feel comfortable writing him, so i'm searching for a good idea where the characterisation will just flow on its own.

/hohoho. soon i shall TAKE OVER THE FANDOM./

I will support your rule forever, my Queen!!!!!

As for the crossover crack--- tenacle p0rn with the Giabt Squid and Icha Icha Paradise Extra Addition.

ahahahahah! i really admire your ability to write hot, funny, in character porn. XD

#^__________^# *purrpurrlove*

*dies*

♥ ♥ ♥

I like how you mentioned that even though they're living together, Sakura still feels that Sasuke is putting up barriers between them.

*happypurr*

heh, that's me -__-;; can't keep angst out of ANYTHING,not even my pervy crack.

O_O ......... *brain goes plooey!*

....=o_o= hoy, that was hot. ....i think i need a shower. a NaruSakuSasu shower. mmmmm...

XD hee. now that's my kind of shower.

Much love. ^_^ And the ability Sasuke has to insult Naruto, even while we know how much he wants to get naked and join in, just makes it all the better. *purr*

I like the way Sakura has to go through a list of people she doesn't envy the breast size of.

Well, when Sasuke doesn't insult Naruto, Naruto worries. what if he's sick? o_o;;

XD because we know how much that's true. She's just fine with being flat-chested. Yep.

*starts adding color to THAT pic*
Right...pervy fanart for Asuka!

*laugh giggle cackle squeal*

Perfect, I tell you. Perfect!!!

eheeheeheehee!
/...Naruto isn't the only one to have a lesbian fantasy./
Yes, but now he has leverage to use against Sasuke...

Oh this one is not stupid. I love the NaruxSaku interaction and even including a very sexy Sasuke towards the end made me smirk (just priceless by the way). You make me really want to see what Sasuke would look like using the Sexy no Jutsu. XD But yay for Team 7! ^_^

Anyway, I happened on your LJ by accident and didn't realize you were the same author for Teamwork ( I love the stories oh so very much). I didn't want to lurk but I feel like I've been missing out on more Teamwork-universe stuff. So I'll be stopping by. Keep writing and hopefully won't tease your fans anymore about Sasuke using the Sexy no Jutsu. ^_^

hey ^__^ sorry I didn't reply before, the alert mail got lost in my inbox XD;;;;

Mmm, sasuke as a girl would be hot. ^____^ I really need to draw him. her. XD well, i HAVE drawn him before, but it's almost all NC-17... or R. 9_9;;;

#^__^# heh, I have no problem with lurkers. I lurk in so many places, i'd be a hypocrite if I asked everyone to say something.

~~and if you think i'll stop teasing the readers, muahahaha, keep dreaming.~~

"Just warn me anytime if you girls need a man."

That was awesome.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

(teamwork) stupid ficlety sidefic

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject