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More HP/Naruto crack...
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artimusdin is a crack enabler. That is all.Sakura had spent the evening in the library, fighting over books with that Gryffindor girl who hung out with Potter a lot. Apparently they'd had the same idea for that extra credit assignment. Then she'd stayed up late in the common room, trying to finish all her homework for the week so that she could patrol the next evenings. She was sleepy.
Which meant that when the alarm sounded, making her burst out of her bed with a kunai in each hand, she was pretty much Not Happy.
"Ah -- that's the boy alarm," Mandy informed her sleepily.
"The... boy alarm?" she repeated, as she cracked the door open and glanced quickly outside. The stairs, she noticed with amazement, had disappeared, replaced with a smooth surface that seemed as slippery as ice.
"Yes, apparently a boy got the wrong dormitories," Padma added sarcastically, and rolled on her other side, spelling her drapes shut and probably casting a Silencing charm on them.
A second after the stairs returned to normal, the alarm honked again and then they disappeared once again. Sakura was rather amazed. There were skidding and scratching noises as someone tried to fight his way up, and a loud thump, and then Sakura could hear swearing at the bottom, five stories down. It wasn't in English, and besides she recognized the voice.
"It's warded against boys, Naruto," she called as quietly as possible.
"Oh yeah?" he called back, not at all quietly. She could hear other people trying to talk him out of it, but he didn't listen. Then there was a poof and a chakra flare, and an outburst of several male voices and a seventh year girl squealing in shock. Sakura caught the worlds "girl" and "naked", and thus wasn't so surprised when Naruko joined her, all bright grin and shiny long hair and indecently generous curves, sticking to the slick slope with hands and feet, and only wearing quickly dissipating wisps of smoke.
"Moron! You could have asked me to come down!" she screeched -- quietly -- as she whapped the boy-turned-girl over the head.
"... Oh, yeah."
"What the hell are you doing in here anyway?" she asked, shoving him out of the bedroom and on the landing to close the door behind her, not wanting her roommates to ask questions.
"Well, uh, Sasuke and me, we're planning a recon of the grounds, outside I mean, so, yeah, wanna come with? Ron told me there's a giant squid, isn't that so cool?!" he added, bouncing.
Sakura stepped back to avoid being knocked out by his boobs. Well gee, it was nice of them to ask, but maybe they could have warned her, or timed it on a day where she hadn't worked like crazy. "And why didn't you just stick to the wall or the roof anyway?"
"Hey, I tried that, I'm not completely stupid. I didn't stick, that's all."
"Well, turn back, idiot," she grumbled. "You -- WAIT NO DON'T--"
Too late. The second Naruto let go of the jutsu, the staircases disappeared again and this time they both slid down the winding slope to the bottom, tumbling out on the common room's blue carpet.
"... Just so you know, Naruto," she gritted out as she tried to squirm out from under him and push her nightdress down her thighs at the same time, "I... really, REALLY... HATE... you..."
By breakfast the next morning, the story had circulated through more than half the Hogwarts population, and the rest were quickly updated. Exhausted after a night spent scaling the Quidditch stands and hoops, watching, with her heart in her throat, Sasuke do backflips and other acrobatics through the branches of a vicious tree that she had just learned was named the Whomping Willow, and freeing Naruto from a lonely Squid's tentacles -- Sakura wasn't in the mood to indulge the gossip mongers. The story had apparently just hit the Gryffindors, with whom Team Seven was eating this morning. So when Ron Weasley turned to face them and ask if "Naruto had really...", she only groaned and let her forehead hit the table.
Naruto was too busy gorging himself to reply to his housemate, and no one in the Lion's house ever addressed Sasuke directly or even openly acknowledged his existence -- except the first years who ran from him with terrified squeals -- so in the end, Ron tapped her shoulder again.
"Ah, are you okay?"
"Yes, fine, fine," she grumbled. "Just tired, is all. And yes, Naruto really did."
Harry Potter blinked at them, looking mildly confused, and Hermione Granger -- with whom Sakura had been feuding since they'd tried to check out the same obscure books -- gave a disdainful sniff.
"He really turned into a naked chick?"
Sakura nodded glumly, still remembering her humiliation. She'd been so ashamed by the way her housemates had been staring and whispering that she'd just grabbed Naruto and ran out of the Ravenclaw tower before a teacher could come. She hadn't even bothered finding her shoes, or other clothes than her nightdress.
At least Sasuke had been nice enough to bully Naruto into lending her his jacket. She would have preferred Sasuke's shirt, but at least that way everyone had at least one layer on. Ahh, Sasuke could be so caring sometimes... A shame he was so shy he needed to hide it with that gruff attitude of his.
"You really did?" Now it was Dean.
Naruto hummed happily and nodded in reply, too busy stuffing food down his throat to reply.
"Can you all do that?"
"Certainly not," Sasuke snapped back, making the Gryffindors start and give him wary looks. "That's the idiot's specialty."
Ron coughed, scowled at the Slytherin who dared reminding them that he existed, then pulled together enough bravery to ask his question. "So you mean, he's like a girlymagus or something?"
Sakura opened her mouth to explain that no, he wasn't, it was a jutsu -- kind of like a spell but not really, because... because...
"...Or something," she agreed wearily.
"Or he's just a moronmagus," Sasuke added before finishing his bowl and kicking Naruto in the shin.
"OW!"
"Stop making us answer for you, stupid."
Sakura was grateful when the brief struggle didn't end in an all-out battle and started digging into her breakfast without much enthusiasm.
She only pulled out of her daze when the fatidic "sure, I'll show you!" words hit her ear, and turned toward Naruto in alarm.
"No, not in the great--"
POOF.
"... hall..."
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POOF.
"...hall..."
This is great!!
I wonder how many detentions Naruto will get for that.
**Imagines the teachers getting nosebleeds**
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"No, not in the great--"
POOF.
"... hall..."
Ooh, the evilness of it all XD XD XD gwahaha! **dies**
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*loves on your icon*
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::ish dead::
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poor Sakura. and Gryffindor house. They really need to learn that Sasuke is
nicekindlovableonly slightly prickly."No, not in the great--"
POOF.
"... hall..."
HEE! *loves*
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They are much needed happiness for the craptastic work day I am having.
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*dhed of amusement*
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2. "No, not in the great--"
POOF.
"... hall..."
WE <3 THIS LINE. Who needs sex ed when you have Naruto?
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The mention of breakfast made me wonder, though, wouldn't Naruto be going berserk without his beloved ramen? Unless they create a spell to get him some . . .
Accio ramen!!
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Kakashi Dumbledore that Naruto have no manners and would most likely poison himself in his class?no subject
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(Anonymous) 2005-07-27 04:13 am (UTC)(link)no subject
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(Anonymous) 2005-07-28 01:39 am (UTC)(link)Sooo... where's the sequel? *wink, wink*
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Because god knows I can't just fill a simple request. I've always gotta twist it :p
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(Anonymous) 2005-07-28 12:42 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
My knowledge of life from movies however tells me that you will become some dude called Richard Geer if I try that though
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(Anonymous) 2005-08-01 05:26 pm (UTC)(link)But please, do warn when you finish the sequel. I don't have a LJ so I can't friend you...
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(Anonymous) 2005-08-01 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)But please, do warn when you finish the sequel. I don't have an LJ so I can't friend you...
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(Anonymous) 2005-08-01 05:28 pm (UTC)(link)...Weird.
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I love how Ron is the one to ask, and how the Gryffindors ignore the Slytherin Sasuke. And then Naruto using his sexy no jutsu in front of them all! They're lucky he didn't use Harem no jutsu or that new technique he tried to use at the beginning of the timeskip. I bet they're really regretting getting him in their house.
Ah Sakura, Sakura, Sakura. Sasuke 'shy'? Well, I suppose she never learnt that the Sasuke she nearly kissed was really Naruto in disguise, but still. Sasuke ordered Naruto because he is bossy and didn't want to be cold. (Except he really loves them both very much, don't you Sasuke? *squishes his cheeks* *is killed by enraged Sasuke*)
And the ending was wonderful. Oh Naruto, you're so wonderfully shameless. This crossover crack stuff is the best!
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Maybe I should check out the first book.I've been stalking you a very long time, so, um, may I friend you?
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(Anonymous) 2005-07-27 04:54 pm (UTC)(link)http://www.sarahscheumer.de/Fanwork/Fanart/314078.jpg
Enjoy.
Here is the website that its from is anyone would like to see what else is there.
http://www.sarahscheumer.de/Fanwork/Fanart/fanart.html
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Okay, so, um, here's some ideas:
-Quidditch
-flying lessons
-Some other team showing up. Hell, make the rest of the rookie nine show up, plus Team Gai.
-OMFG, Gai teaching!
-Rita Skeeter
-Naruto+Weasley Twins
smex!
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These crack bits are hilarious. So much fun. ^.^
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*lol*
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