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naruto/harry potter crack drabbles
Just like the title says. I was trying to work on my serious naruto/hp crossover, but i was too scattered to do anything with it, so here, have some crack. the drabbles are all in the same universe, but i'm too lazy to write them into a big fic, so that will have to do. :P
(no, no spoilers. don't worry.)
"This is totally stupid."
"Ha! You're just sore because you can't do magic!"
"You can't either, moron."
Naruto started juggling with his wand. "Yeah but I don't care. Ninjas are cooler anyway."
Sasuke couldn't disagree with that, but he couldn't openly agree with Naruto either, so he just threw his best "you are a moron" look at the blond and hoped he would fill in the blanks.
+
"Remind me again, if we are to be bodyguards, why we need to be 'Sorted', as they say?" Sasuke scowled as he joined Sakura at her table, pretending not to be surprised that his tie had changed colors and that the empty crest on his breast was now suddenly sporting a silver and green snake. He didn't know what any of that meant, but he didn't care. The casual display of magic, though, left him irritated, as well as very very mildly unnerved.
"Well, to fit in, obviously," Sakura replied, smoothing her white blouse with the eagle on it.
Sasuke glared a guy who was looking at them as if he wanted to berate them into sitting back down and looking away, and then glared some more at all the people sitting at that table, who were also staring at the two of them, trying to understand the weird language they were speaking.
"... Though it might be too late for that," she acknowledged with a sigh.
"GRYFFINDOR," yelled the hat, and Sakura winced at Sasuke's murderous expression. Maybe it had told him things he didn't want to hear, though she had found it to be a most agreeable person... being... hat, during the whole ten minutes they had chatted to determine if she was best suited to Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. She didn't, after all, know enough to have a pre-made opinion.
"You have pink hair. You can't fit in," Sasuke retorted moodily, and opened his robes, knotting the ends over the small of his back to keep them out of the way.
"Hehe, that looks silly," Naruto commented as he sat on Sakura's other side.
"You'll find it less silly when you tangle your feet in yours and I kick your face in."
"Whoa, someone is cranky," Naruto commented, and started digging into his food happily.
The guy facing Sasuke opened his mouth again, this time addressing Naruto in english. "Uh, excuse me, but you're a Gryffindor, and -- he's a Slytherin --"
"And so what," Sasuke hissed, fingering the wand in his pocket. It was too dull to stab properly with, but it should leave painful bruises if he went at it hard enough.
"Well you shouldn't -- you shouldn't..."
Another girl at his far side piped up. "What he's saying is, you should be with your own houses!"
Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto blinked at each other, and then Naruto turned toward the girl. "I should eat with the lion guys, and him with the snake guys?"
"Well, yes," she replied, apparently relaxing when he didn't bite her face off. Sasuke wasn't looking pleased, though.
"I'm not moving now."
The girl wilted. "Ah, uhm, it's fine, but -- you will have to go with your houses later to sleep anyway. The dormitories don't allow people from other Houses and the common rooms are --"
Sasuke turned toward his comrades, totally ignoring the rest of the table, and shifted in their own language. "Remind me, AGAIN, why we need to be sorted? This will impede our freedom of movements--"
Naruto snorted in between two mouthfuls. "If you can't get out of there, then you're a lousy ninja. I bet I can sneak out before you can!"
"... You're on, moron. Whatever. Besides I had a feeling that crazy old man actually wants us to go to class."
"Uhm, well, yes," Sakura nodded. "Kakashi-sensei told me he expected to see us behave properly in his classroom, so I assume..."
Sasuke scowled. "One, we won't catch up on five years of lessons and besides we don't need them anyway. Two, we can't patrol when we're locked in the classrooms."
"Well yes, but maybe we're meant to protect the students--"
"In this case why isn't there one ninja per class at least? We're all in the same year and seeing the timetable three fourths of the time two of us will be sharing the same class anyway."
"The main target is that Potter kid, though. Naruto, you're in his house, you keep close to him. Sakura, we'll patrol --"
"But we'll need to skip classes!" she replied, chagrined.
"... err, Sakura-chan... What are you going to do with the best way to flick a wand and stuff? We don't even have those at home." He sighed, sprawling on the table. "Man, I wish I could skip too. It's gonna be so boring in class."
"Have you read Potter's file?" Sasuke asked, rolling his eyes.
"Uh, yeeeeah?"
That meant no. "Given his records, there's a good chance you'll end up skipping too."
Sakura gave Naruto's shoulder a quick consoling pat and got on her feet to follow her housemates. "You probably ended up with the most dangerous part of the job, Naruto."
The blond grinned widely, and jogged through the crowd to join his own. Sighing, Sasuke steeled himself and went to meet his. From the cold, calculating looks he was getting, he had a feeling he knew what the Sorting Hat based its choices on.
"Hey, so you're that Potter Harry guy?" Naruto asked, grinning manically.
Harry gave him a wary look. He seemed insane, he looked about fifteen and yet had just arrived now, and besides he'd sat at the Ravenclaw table to eat the other day. "Uh. It's Harry Potter. And yes, that's me." He wondered if he was going to get the "OHMYGOD you're so cool!!! speech", or the "heh, you're not that great, beat you just got lucky" speech. The guy seemed too happy for a "you liar/murderer/coward/why haven't you offed Him yet?" speech.
Instead, he turned around, and waved at a pack of Slytherins.
"Oi Sasuke!!"
A black-haired guy with a pissy expression joined them, staring down Ron and Dean stonily. He was the kind of guy Harry wouldn't have been surprised to notice had a nice tattoo on his left arm, so it was a bit of a surprise to see the blond throw an arm around his shoulders and grin at him cheerfully.
"I found you a friend. He's got an old snake-pervert after his booty too. You can bondERK!!"
+
Kakashi had thought he was used to kids whining about his cruel teaching methods, but really he had underestimated his brats, if that was the normal level of complaining. Or maybe it was the fact that to get all the houses together he'd had to place his first class on a Saturday. Bah. He didn't care, and besides it was about to get worse.
"You each have a number. Find the people who have the same number; they will be your teammates."
The bushy-haired one figured it first, though not by much. "But this means every team will have one member of each house!!"
"Brilliant," he drawled back, "but this doesn't get you toward your partners faster. Get moving, brats."
There was some offended whispering at the term he had used, and at being forced to mix with other houses, but Kakashi didn't listen. He'd heard people call him a lot of worse things, and at the end of the day they were going to be using them all.
"For the first task you'll be going in turns. Team one, to me." He pulled his book out of his left pocket with one hand, and showed the kids the contents of his right hand. "Anything goes, any spell or dirty trick you can think of. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. If you maim me, points for you. I won't complain. Grab one of these from me, and you pass the class. If you can't, you'll be coming here tomorrow and the next weekend as well, until you do."
The same girl voiced people's concern once again. "... But... there's only three bells! And we're four!"
He smiled widely under his mask. "Yes. Exactly. Begin." He was going to teach them Inter-house cooperation if it killed them.
(no, no spoilers. don't worry.)
"This is totally stupid."
"Ha! You're just sore because you can't do magic!"
"You can't either, moron."
Naruto started juggling with his wand. "Yeah but I don't care. Ninjas are cooler anyway."
Sasuke couldn't disagree with that, but he couldn't openly agree with Naruto either, so he just threw his best "you are a moron" look at the blond and hoped he would fill in the blanks.
+
"Remind me again, if we are to be bodyguards, why we need to be 'Sorted', as they say?" Sasuke scowled as he joined Sakura at her table, pretending not to be surprised that his tie had changed colors and that the empty crest on his breast was now suddenly sporting a silver and green snake. He didn't know what any of that meant, but he didn't care. The casual display of magic, though, left him irritated, as well as very very mildly unnerved.
"Well, to fit in, obviously," Sakura replied, smoothing her white blouse with the eagle on it.
Sasuke glared a guy who was looking at them as if he wanted to berate them into sitting back down and looking away, and then glared some more at all the people sitting at that table, who were also staring at the two of them, trying to understand the weird language they were speaking.
"... Though it might be too late for that," she acknowledged with a sigh.
"GRYFFINDOR," yelled the hat, and Sakura winced at Sasuke's murderous expression. Maybe it had told him things he didn't want to hear, though she had found it to be a most agreeable person... being... hat, during the whole ten minutes they had chatted to determine if she was best suited to Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. She didn't, after all, know enough to have a pre-made opinion.
"You have pink hair. You can't fit in," Sasuke retorted moodily, and opened his robes, knotting the ends over the small of his back to keep them out of the way.
"Hehe, that looks silly," Naruto commented as he sat on Sakura's other side.
"You'll find it less silly when you tangle your feet in yours and I kick your face in."
"Whoa, someone is cranky," Naruto commented, and started digging into his food happily.
The guy facing Sasuke opened his mouth again, this time addressing Naruto in english. "Uh, excuse me, but you're a Gryffindor, and -- he's a Slytherin --"
"And so what," Sasuke hissed, fingering the wand in his pocket. It was too dull to stab properly with, but it should leave painful bruises if he went at it hard enough.
"Well you shouldn't -- you shouldn't..."
Another girl at his far side piped up. "What he's saying is, you should be with your own houses!"
Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto blinked at each other, and then Naruto turned toward the girl. "I should eat with the lion guys, and him with the snake guys?"
"Well, yes," she replied, apparently relaxing when he didn't bite her face off. Sasuke wasn't looking pleased, though.
"I'm not moving now."
The girl wilted. "Ah, uhm, it's fine, but -- you will have to go with your houses later to sleep anyway. The dormitories don't allow people from other Houses and the common rooms are --"
Sasuke turned toward his comrades, totally ignoring the rest of the table, and shifted in their own language. "Remind me, AGAIN, why we need to be sorted? This will impede our freedom of movements--"
Naruto snorted in between two mouthfuls. "If you can't get out of there, then you're a lousy ninja. I bet I can sneak out before you can!"
"... You're on, moron. Whatever. Besides I had a feeling that crazy old man actually wants us to go to class."
"Uhm, well, yes," Sakura nodded. "Kakashi-sensei told me he expected to see us behave properly in his classroom, so I assume..."
Sasuke scowled. "One, we won't catch up on five years of lessons and besides we don't need them anyway. Two, we can't patrol when we're locked in the classrooms."
"Well yes, but maybe we're meant to protect the students--"
"In this case why isn't there one ninja per class at least? We're all in the same year and seeing the timetable three fourths of the time two of us will be sharing the same class anyway."
"The main target is that Potter kid, though. Naruto, you're in his house, you keep close to him. Sakura, we'll patrol --"
"But we'll need to skip classes!" she replied, chagrined.
"... err, Sakura-chan... What are you going to do with the best way to flick a wand and stuff? We don't even have those at home." He sighed, sprawling on the table. "Man, I wish I could skip too. It's gonna be so boring in class."
"Have you read Potter's file?" Sasuke asked, rolling his eyes.
"Uh, yeeeeah?"
That meant no. "Given his records, there's a good chance you'll end up skipping too."
Sakura gave Naruto's shoulder a quick consoling pat and got on her feet to follow her housemates. "You probably ended up with the most dangerous part of the job, Naruto."
The blond grinned widely, and jogged through the crowd to join his own. Sighing, Sasuke steeled himself and went to meet his. From the cold, calculating looks he was getting, he had a feeling he knew what the Sorting Hat based its choices on.
"Hey, so you're that Potter Harry guy?" Naruto asked, grinning manically.
Harry gave him a wary look. He seemed insane, he looked about fifteen and yet had just arrived now, and besides he'd sat at the Ravenclaw table to eat the other day. "Uh. It's Harry Potter. And yes, that's me." He wondered if he was going to get the "OHMYGOD you're so cool!!! speech", or the "heh, you're not that great, beat you just got lucky" speech. The guy seemed too happy for a "you liar/murderer/coward/why haven't you offed Him yet?" speech.
Instead, he turned around, and waved at a pack of Slytherins.
"Oi Sasuke!!"
A black-haired guy with a pissy expression joined them, staring down Ron and Dean stonily. He was the kind of guy Harry wouldn't have been surprised to notice had a nice tattoo on his left arm, so it was a bit of a surprise to see the blond throw an arm around his shoulders and grin at him cheerfully.
"I found you a friend. He's got an old snake-pervert after his booty too. You can bondERK!!"
+
Kakashi had thought he was used to kids whining about his cruel teaching methods, but really he had underestimated his brats, if that was the normal level of complaining. Or maybe it was the fact that to get all the houses together he'd had to place his first class on a Saturday. Bah. He didn't care, and besides it was about to get worse.
"You each have a number. Find the people who have the same number; they will be your teammates."
The bushy-haired one figured it first, though not by much. "But this means every team will have one member of each house!!"
"Brilliant," he drawled back, "but this doesn't get you toward your partners faster. Get moving, brats."
There was some offended whispering at the term he had used, and at being forced to mix with other houses, but Kakashi didn't listen. He'd heard people call him a lot of worse things, and at the end of the day they were going to be using them all.
"For the first task you'll be going in turns. Team one, to me." He pulled his book out of his left pocket with one hand, and showed the kids the contents of his right hand. "Anything goes, any spell or dirty trick you can think of. If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid. If you maim me, points for you. I won't complain. Grab one of these from me, and you pass the class. If you can't, you'll be coming here tomorrow and the next weekend as well, until you do."
The same girl voiced people's concern once again. "... But... there's only three bells! And we're four!"
He smiled widely under his mask. "Yes. Exactly. Begin." He was going to teach them Inter-house cooperation if it killed them.
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