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teamwork2, chapter 3 -- end of the training session scene
Hmm. Some of the phrasing seems awkward to me but i don't know how to fix or even if it truly needs fixing. if the characterisation seems empty/shaky/not so good, or if anything's unclear PLEASE TELL ME, I'm really unsure about that bit.
(cont'd from previous post)
He wasn't going to take it back. But he wasn't going to let the situation slide into shy-and-stuttering romance, so he grinned and let Sasuke go.
Kakashi was still perched on his pole, his back to them as he observed a flight of birds with rapt attention. "Fascinating, these little balls of feathers. I'm pretty sure the flight of this one just drew the kanji for shoe. I wonder what it's trying to tell us."
Sasuke rolled his eyes as he straightened up, which relaxed Naruto enough to let him snort at his teacher's weirdness. "Our next mission will involve a lost slipper, probably."
"Or someone will throw a boot at your head," Sakura replied, managing a reasonable facsimile of a teasing smile.
Sasuke grunted in annoyance, arms crossed. "Or I'll kick both your asses for being stupid. Sakura, can you still train, or do you want to stop for today?"
She fidgeted, wilting under Sasuke's abrupt tone. "Well... It's around noon, so maybe we should eat first and -- I mean, if it's not a problem, this afternoon...?"
Sasuke shrugged. "Fine." He still sounded miffed, though, and didn't wait for them as he stalked off toward the village. Sakura gave his retreating back a miserable look.
Naruto threw a rock at him, that the bastard dodged without even looking back, then pulled Sakura on her feet. "Hey, Kakashi-sensei, d'you want--"
"It's about time for my meeting with Hokage-sama," the man replied cheerfully.
"About time, you mean like you had to be there at ten?"
"Nine. See you Monday." And with that, Kakashi teleported away.
Naruto rolled his eyes, wondering why he had bothered to ask. Kakashi never socialized with them. Maybe he was afraid to let them grow too close, or maybe they just tired him out enough during missions. Or maybe he was being thoughtful -- nah.
Sasuke wasn't openly waiting for them, but he walked so slowly he might as well have been.
"Hey, you think he'll ever stop wanting to save face so obsessively?" Naruto whispered at Sakura.
She was a bit quiet; he wasn't sure why. Maybe she was just tired...
"He wouldn't be Sasuke if he didn't," she replied, and smiled, but Naruto caught the worried glance at Sasuke's back and frowned.
"Whassamatter, Sakura-chan? He's not still angry about the teacher thing, he's just pretending to."
"I know, it's just --" She bit her lip, and looked at her feet. "He called me stupid. He never calls me stupid usually."
Naruto blinked. She must be really worn out if she was so oversensitive. "He calls me stupid all the time. I'm pretty sure it's Sasuke-ese for 'sexy, adorable person that I'd love to boink.' I mean, honestly, half the time when he says that, he ends up tackling me."
Sakura made a little sound halfway between choking and snickering. Naruto grinned and continued.
"And when he says 'shut up', what he really means is 'I want to kiss you breathless'."
"Oh, a little bit like 'that was childish' means 'I've never seen anything so hilarious in my life'?" she replied tentatively, smiling at him -- and her smile was sincere and it was all for him, and he wanted to kiss her pretty badly, but he hesitated and the moment passed.
"Well, it's more something like, 'gosh, Naruto, I wish I'd thought of that myself; you're a true genius!!' but yeah, you're getting the hang of it."
Catching the end of their conversation, Sasuke looked at them over his shoulder, arching a sarcastic eyebrow. "You, a genius? You're the king of all things stupid."
He turned away again, and Naruto winced comically for Sakura. It had been fun, but Sasuke hated to be teased and hated it even more when it was behind his back. But at least Sakura-chan hadn't hit him for badmouthing the bastard -- he'd made her laugh!-- so Naruto was very glad.
He was about to reach Sasuke when Sakura nudged him, a weird glint in her eyes, and mouthed silently at him, "I think he just asked you to marry him."
A flock of birds took off, scared away by Naruto's howls of laughter.
(cont'd from previous post)
He wasn't going to take it back. But he wasn't going to let the situation slide into shy-and-stuttering romance, so he grinned and let Sasuke go.
Kakashi was still perched on his pole, his back to them as he observed a flight of birds with rapt attention. "Fascinating, these little balls of feathers. I'm pretty sure the flight of this one just drew the kanji for shoe. I wonder what it's trying to tell us."
Sasuke rolled his eyes as he straightened up, which relaxed Naruto enough to let him snort at his teacher's weirdness. "Our next mission will involve a lost slipper, probably."
"Or someone will throw a boot at your head," Sakura replied, managing a reasonable facsimile of a teasing smile.
Sasuke grunted in annoyance, arms crossed. "Or I'll kick both your asses for being stupid. Sakura, can you still train, or do you want to stop for today?"
She fidgeted, wilting under Sasuke's abrupt tone. "Well... It's around noon, so maybe we should eat first and -- I mean, if it's not a problem, this afternoon...?"
Sasuke shrugged. "Fine." He still sounded miffed, though, and didn't wait for them as he stalked off toward the village. Sakura gave his retreating back a miserable look.
Naruto threw a rock at him, that the bastard dodged without even looking back, then pulled Sakura on her feet. "Hey, Kakashi-sensei, d'you want--"
"It's about time for my meeting with Hokage-sama," the man replied cheerfully.
"About time, you mean like you had to be there at ten?"
"Nine. See you Monday." And with that, Kakashi teleported away.
Naruto rolled his eyes, wondering why he had bothered to ask. Kakashi never socialized with them. Maybe he was afraid to let them grow too close, or maybe they just tired him out enough during missions. Or maybe he was being thoughtful -- nah.
Sasuke wasn't openly waiting for them, but he walked so slowly he might as well have been.
"Hey, you think he'll ever stop wanting to save face so obsessively?" Naruto whispered at Sakura.
She was a bit quiet; he wasn't sure why. Maybe she was just tired...
"He wouldn't be Sasuke if he didn't," she replied, and smiled, but Naruto caught the worried glance at Sasuke's back and frowned.
"Whassamatter, Sakura-chan? He's not still angry about the teacher thing, he's just pretending to."
"I know, it's just --" She bit her lip, and looked at her feet. "He called me stupid. He never calls me stupid usually."
Naruto blinked. She must be really worn out if she was so oversensitive. "He calls me stupid all the time. I'm pretty sure it's Sasuke-ese for 'sexy, adorable person that I'd love to boink.' I mean, honestly, half the time when he says that, he ends up tackling me."
Sakura made a little sound halfway between choking and snickering. Naruto grinned and continued.
"And when he says 'shut up', what he really means is 'I want to kiss you breathless'."
"Oh, a little bit like 'that was childish' means 'I've never seen anything so hilarious in my life'?" she replied tentatively, smiling at him -- and her smile was sincere and it was all for him, and he wanted to kiss her pretty badly, but he hesitated and the moment passed.
"Well, it's more something like, 'gosh, Naruto, I wish I'd thought of that myself; you're a true genius!!' but yeah, you're getting the hang of it."
Catching the end of their conversation, Sasuke looked at them over his shoulder, arching a sarcastic eyebrow. "You, a genius? You're the king of all things stupid."
He turned away again, and Naruto winced comically for Sakura. It had been fun, but Sasuke hated to be teased and hated it even more when it was behind his back. But at least Sakura-chan hadn't hit him for badmouthing the bastard -- he'd made her laugh!-- so Naruto was very glad.
He was about to reach Sasuke when Sakura nudged him, a weird glint in her eyes, and mouthed silently at him, "I think he just asked you to marry him."
A flock of birds took off, scared away by Naruto's howls of laughter.
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You know if you apply Sasuke-ese to Naruto canon the whole anime/manga takes an a very new meaning. XD
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I'm planning an english/sasukeese dictionary. *rubs hands and laughs evilly*
Please
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And honestly, it was great seeing the three of them slipping back into their comfort zones. And Sakura and Naruto just made my day.
As did those last few lines.
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Well anyways, I like Na-chan's translation of Sasuke's remarks... especially since we, fangirls, know its true. >_<
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like a cheshire on crack wheeno subject
I dunno -- something about the flow of this section feels a little awkward, but I can't put my finger on anything or think of ways to change it. *shrug*
Um. And He wouldn't be Sasuke if he didn't sounds like she's saying he wouldn't be himself if he didn't stop wanting to save face, instead of the opposite. And He's not still angry about the teacher thing, he's just pretending to be.
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i think i scared my cats away.
XD
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News on the Naruto dub from Anime Insider
It says that Shopro will air Naruto in September, and the first DVD will be released in December. Although the Toonami version will be editted, the DVDs will supposedly be purely uncut. Shopro's reason for putting it on Toonami and not on Adult Swim is to boost the show's popularity.
Things that will be cut out or editted are as follows:
Any blood that flows out of a character (except for when Naruto stabs his hand).
Zaku's exploding joints in episode 40.
Sasuke's throat full of needles in episode 16.
Any cussing.
Things that will not be cut out or editted are as follows:
Naruto stabbing his hand.
The Sexy no Jutsu.
Blood that does not flow out.
Also, all of the ninja moves will keep their original Japanese names! (Such as: Kagebunshin no Jutsu, Sexy no Jutsu, etc.)
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so long as they don't edit out the kiss, i guess i can forgive. <_<
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"He was about to reach Sasuke when Sakura nudged him, a weird glint in her eyes, and mouthed silently at him, "I think he just asked you to marry him.""
XDDD
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Brilliant ending! So funny! Only problem I noticed that hasn't already been mentioned is /"About time, you mean like you had to be there at ten?"/
It might sound/read better as "About time? You mean, like you had to be there at ten?" since there seem to be more natural pauses in the phrase than is currently indicated. :3
I don't see any characterization problems--in fact, I think you've portrayed them all wonderfully, as usual.
P.S. I'm almost done with fanart for you--I should be able to scan it and email it to you by Friday, May 20th at the latest. ^_^!