FF7 silliness

[askerian]

So I have this habit of naming my ff7 fics after materias, if i can get away with. This prompted a friend to wonder what each story would be like if I wrote them all.

Have some summaries of stories I will never write. XD



Steal => this one's taken

Sense => this one feels like it ought to be a shortish porn fic that's all about sensations. Possibly silk on skin. Now I'm thinking Aeris/Sephiroth of all things. She teases him with both their hair. Possibly it would be Seph's POV and he might have a blindfold on so he can do nothing else. Okay this one was easy and also i'm a perv.

Enemy Skill => haha! taken as well.

Throw => ... throw... throwing nets... netting fish... Aeris fishing for souls in the Lifestream. Slow and patient, ankle-deep as she gathers them all to her.

Manipulate => The fic i'm never going to write about Rufus Shinra's rise to power.

Deathblow => ...??? HELP. Too many possibilities means none of them pop up. D:

Morph => How have I never written a werewolf fic for this fandom yet. I'm ashamed.

Double Cut => small quick blades, NOT a Cloud fic. Maybe a girl!Cloud fic, as lacking the upper body mass to use huge broadswords she is trained instead to use speed and momentum. It kinda annoys her because damn it huge blades look COOL and impressive, and tiny daggers are so girly and everyone underestimates her. Hn.

X-Summon => this one's a cheat of a summon. Doesn't count.

Slash-All => ... oh god XD the horror fic I'm never going to write where Sephiroth goes murder-rampagey in the Shinra tower. The whole tower, bottom to top. He uses nothing but Masamune.

Mime => Crack-horror fic where at a company function Zack gets Sephiroth to meet a guy disguised as a clown. It does Not End Well.

X-Magic => cheat materia. Bzzt next.

X-Item => cheat materia. Bzzt next.

Master Command => cheat mater... oh holy wow BDSM verse. D:

Cover=> pff, something silly about magazine covers. Maybe post-AC Cloud was forced to give an interview (more like he didn't and the reporter made up stuff. XD) Hot hero? Eligible bachelor?

Chocobo Lure => this one is crack about each person in the game's different strategy for hitting on Cloud, from Avalanche to Sephiroth to Reno. To the girl with the dolphin. XD

Long Range => range makes me think of cowboys. This is a sort of cowboy AU or maybe actually in-verse where Cloud takes a summer off to travel with a tame flock of chocobos to better pastures. Yes. Totally. XD Zack and Sephiroth are somehow around.

Counter => Something at Tifa's bar. Possibly people confessing their secrets to the barmaid in lieu of an actual local church.

Enemy Lure => ... this one has a ton of possibilities. Something tricky and underhanded must happen in it at some point.

The Plus series of oneshots about things the characters learned during their travels.
Exp. Plus : Cloud. The army. Boy did he experience new stuff.
Speed Plus : Barret is always too late.
MP Plus : ... NOT A CLUE. Vincent and his beasts maybe, how they change what he can do with his magic.
HP Plus : Rufus learns a lot about how much damage he can take and not die... also a lot about the kind of sequels that are left behind when that happens.
Luck Plus : zack's luck fails him sometimes, but it never fails his friends.
Magic Plus : aeris wishes she had been born powerless.
Gil Plus : the crack yuffie epilogue.

Pre-Emptive => trippy, creeptastic one-shot piece about Aeris seeing the future and manipulating events.

Enemy Away=> shewhoflies: Enemy Away feels like they should use politics to defeat all their enemies or something
shewhoflies: or maybe use magic to settle the WEAPONS down
shewhoflies: oh, I dunno, to me it implies avoidance of conflict
shewhoflies: to be more specific, avoidance of violent conflict.

I like this idea so I'm stealing it. You can pretend it's mine. u.u~

HP / MP => urgh, no idea for this one. It'd make a horrible title anyway.

Mega All => cheat materia. Bzzt. >__>

Underwater => Mermaid AU~ but being me, not a Little Mermaid, more like my Mermaids in Space. Except maybe with more magic thrown in. Yesss. Wait, that's too obvious, isn't it. Maybe a POV scene about Sephiroth's insanity from the inside and how it feels like drowning (but oh! he was a fish all along. Cue creepy laughter.)

Elemental Series:
Ice
Lightning
Fire
Poison
Earth
=> a horribly harlequinesque Sephiroth/Cloud romance in five books, full of torrid passion and unbridled lust and half-naked sparring.
(I sadly suspect that the fic is also Zack/Reno, Vince/Cid, Tseng/Rufus, Tifa/Aeris, Yuffie/Elena, everyone neatly squared away and not a single het couple to be seen.)

Heal => ot4 softnice Sephiroth resurrection story. They're living in a little house in the woods and raise chocobos. Yes.
Restore => this one's taken (another sephiroth resurrection story XD)
Revive => this one's taken (another sephiroth resurrection story XD)
Seal => this one would also be another sephiroth resurrection story, only he's resurrected by SCIENCE in a LAB where people entirely dehumanize him and he is kept totally powerless and they know exactly what he can do. >____>;;; He might be resurrected younger, age, umm, 15 or so? so he has no clue why they're doing that to him. D: (and then cloud totes rescues him! :D cue raising teenage sephiroth. Oh hey, Denzel should be about the same age by then, oh MAN. XD)

Transform => ... this one's too easy, it's like the theme of about half my fics. cheatiiing.

Mystify => Sephiroth, on the glorious, fascinating mystery that is Zack's brain. Seph/Zack, pregame, fluff.

Time => Centuries after everyone has moved on, Aeris and Sephiroth are still battling, still entwined, darkness and light, never merging. They're friends by now, the way anyone you've known so long is your friend, even if they're also your bitterest enemy.

Gravity => Cid fic. Depressing.

Destruct => ???????????

Barrier => Tifa is a born protector. (action scene where she stands between fleeing civilians and... idek, zombies or monsters or whatever. it ends as she meets a huge rush of attack, and we don't know if she survives, but we do know she's never going to willingly let any single one of them through.)

Exit => Vincent can't die, but he can fade away.

Comet =>"Comets are meteors who never land." Possibly Sephiroth related, and maybe somehow also about Denzel, wanting to streak across the sky and travel through the stars and leave Gaia behind.

Fullcure =>Happy ending for everyone. OT4. The "twist" is that it's actually happening in the Lifestream. In the end Cloud or Sephiroth admits they knew it all along that they were dead and the others don't need to keep pretending for them, and they agree to be reborn. (soclicheeeee)

Contain (Freeze Break Tornado Flare) => a prison break AU, starring badass gritty Cloud on a frozen planet. (maybe just the Northern Continent. XD)

Ultima=> ?????????????? maybe something post-apocalypsy.

Shield=> Norse AU where Tifa is a shieldmaiden. Mmh. (come on, every fic list needs a homage to ciceqi XD)

Master Magic => cheatiiiing. Bzzt.

Choco / Mog => Zack ropes Cloud into putting on silly costumes for a charity event.

Shiva
Ifrit
Ramuh
Titan
Odin
Kjata
Bahamut
Alexander
Neo Bahamut
Leviathan
Phoenix
Hades
Bahamut ZERO
Typoon
Knights of the Round

=> NO IDEA! Using the names as titles for fic exploring the summons is unimaginative, but using them as metaphors for something else... um, like what! D: some kind of weirdass time travel where all of the summons somehow turn out to be characters in the game? Pff, Cloud would be the Knights of the Round. YES, ALL OF THEM.

All => cheating.

Elemental => cheating. unless I want, like, a silly wizard AU. XD

Added Effect => ... ugly title. bzzt.

MP Absorb => same. also what could it even be, a vampire fic?

HP Absorb => same.

Added Cut => .. drawing a blank. Oh! The Girl!Cloud sequel.

MP Turbo => Racing AU? Cloud would be a mechanic who dreams of racing, Seph would be a manager, Zack probably a racer who wants to learn some mechanic stuff and/or he has an accident at some point and they need a replacement. XD And Aeris is Tifa's manager, and Tifa is the current season champion. Yess.

Steal As Well => a Yuffie POV describing her mode of thinking as a if/then decision tree. "Rob Them Blind" is a frequent option. u.u

Magic Counter => Aeris has a *very special* materia shop. She sells magics you can find nowhere else. (they have a terrible habit of turning against their user if misused, also they never bud out more.)

Final Attack => The post-AC one where ghost!Zack and Aeris pacify godlike!terribleSephiroth with a hug and forgiveness. Actually a lot sadder than this summary makes this sound. They probably all dissolve into fireflies and feathers at the end or something suitably melodramatic like that.

Quadra Magic => OT4 University AU. It's the name of the rock band Zack and Aeris and Reno are in. Zack wants little newbie Cloud in. Sephiroth is their longsuffering physics teacher.

Sneak Attack => Post-AC, Cloud/Tifa adorableness, a sunday morning in bed, Denzel and Marlene ambush them with fluffy pillows.



... now i want to write some of them. XD NOOOOOes.

Comments

[yukitsukihana.livejournal.com]

Whenever I see the word "Destruct," I automatically think "Self-Destruct." Enemy Sephiroth fainted! So maybe something about Vincent's exact thoughts as he sealed himself in that coffin, or maybe Sephiroth trying to convince himself in a perfectly logical manner why he should destroy everything for his telepathic mother. Because logical insanity is fun and creepy.

Also, a werewolf AU would fit this series SO WELL what with all the wolf motifs all over the place already.

[yamiangie.livejournal.com]

"Magic Counter => Aeris has a *very special* materia shop. She sells magics you can find nowhere else. (they have a terrible habit of turning against their user if misused, also they never bud out more.)"
So Aeris is Count D?

[inverseparadox.livejournal.com]

But wouldn't "Slash-All" be an "all the male characters in one big relationship" polyship fic?

Or the description you already used for the "Elemental" Materia series would probably fit as well.

Kitty_Silver

[(Anonymous)]

To me "Enemy Away" makes me think of Rufus and politics of how he prevents other politicians or members of his father's board from taking his position as leader of Shinra. That or how Rufus sends possible candidates for power on a 'trip' never to be seen again?

Also isn't there a pre-emptive materia?

[lady-aquill.livejournal.com]

Sorry the ideas they got stuck in my head and wouldn't go away T.T
long comment is long @.@

"Underwater" personally makes me think of Selkies more than mermaids as more feasible for the FF7 world. Maybe Hojo controls Seph or Aeris (or both) with their respective sealskins (why else did Aeris never move away from Midgar? and Seph so willing to follow Hojo's orders?) and they want/steal them back. Maybe Seph confiscates an 'heirloom' sealskin from Zack during Suprise!room inspection, cue Zack starting to follow Seph around (whether Zack wants to or not, IDK).

"Destruct" could be pre-game Wutai War, on either side of the battlefield, the destruction of moral. First wave of Shinra solider boys could find out how horrifically bad war really is and how much Shinra lied to them. How the Wutai warriors deal with slowly losing the war and then what will happen to them? What of their honour? (For there is no honour to losing and being ruled over by those without honour).

“Master Magic” Crack!fic. Cloud and date (pick a girl any girl ....NO. WAIT. YUFFIE!!!) go on a date/outing at the Gold Saucer and go and see a magic show by the incredible Master Magic! They sit in the back row and proceed to loudly pick apart and criticize all the magician’s sleight-of-hand tricks, much to his annoyance.
-BONUS: they get kicked out mid performance XDDDDD

“Shiva, Ifrit, etc.” Summon’s POV? What do they think of all these resent going-ons?

Ok i'm done.
Oooooh Werewolf fic!

[flourite-roses.livejournal.com]

Some of them look incredibly entertaining for a read. :P *offers cookies?* And IDK, but your girl!Cloud and girl!Heero are somehow extremely interesting, more so then male/original versions of them.

[tanukyle.livejournal.com]

meep. ;A;

If you're never writing them would you consider opening permission for me to write a little drabble or something for a few of them?

If not that's totally okay there yours but uhyeah.