... best meme EVER.

[askerian]

Stolen from book_people who stole it from jbmcdragon. ♥


Ask any character I've written for advice, and they will provide it, advice columnist style. Your problems or fictional characters' problems both welcome. Management is not responsible for the results of following said advice.

Comments

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Liadan,

How the hell do I get my silly human girl who's too serious by half to get over herself and just get laid?

Geir

And I abuse memes because I know you love me.

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Naruto (Teamwork)

How do I avoid ending up part of the you in my world's harem?

Neji (Genderswitch Epidemic Drabbleverse)

[askerian]

Sir Geir,

I do not understand the problem. Does your girl not have a husband?

Perhaps she would rather make friends with other women for companionship. Was she at least taught how to use her hands?

Liadan, confused

Re: And I abuse memes because I know you love me.

[askerian]

Neji,

Genderwhat? Wait wait wait. You -- with tits? ... No kidding? WOWZA.

YOU DON'T. u_________________u-b My advice is to relax and enjoy the ride.

(um, just so I have a better picture of the harem situation, mind telling me who else is included? And how sexy they look. That would help. Yeah.)

Naruto (not yours. Which is real sad. Also would you mind coughing on my Sasuke?)

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Liadan,

If she doesn't get love from somewhere other than her own hands soon, she's going to just close up. She refuses to take a mate because she doesn't want a brat, and she doesn't like other girls. At least, not for that. My girl doesn't even want to admit she's got a hole there.

It's sad. :(

Sir Geir (I like that.)

[cerses.livejournal.com]

Sasuke,

How do you take revenge for a death caused by disease?

Cerses

[askerian]

You become a doctor. You research cures, vaccines. Or if you can't, you gather funds so others can. You make it so it never happens to anyone else again because the disease simply does not even exist anymore.

It doesn't bring them back. But nothing brings them back.


Uchiha Sasuke

#.__.# = you know she's making this face the whole time.

[askerian]

Sir Geir,

Um. This is all very strange to me. I hope I will not offend you.

If your girl walks so strongly under the Huntress' lights, perhaps she would find she gets along better with a man touched just as strongly by the Matron or the Girl-child. Obviously a man of Huntress or Father ascendent would only clash with her and stifle her Huntress leanings.

Or perhaps she should find a man who cannot have children, or whose seed has died, but I am at a loss as to tell her how she might meet one; they don't usually advertise themselves.

If she truly doesn't wish for children, she should learn to satisfy and be satisfied with hands, mouths, and fake penises, because the plants that keep a child from coming take a toll on the body.

I... did not know it was possible for that hole to close up? My apologies. I am very ignorant still.

My deepest apologies for how little I was able to counsel you. I wish I could have helped more.


Liadan

Re: And I abuse memes because I know you love me.

[sarolynne.livejournal.com]

Naruto,

I should have known you wouldn't be helpful. No, I don't think I'll tell you that.

Instead, can you at least suggest a way to get the image of you using this information as your personal fetish fuel out of my mind?

Neji (take that up with Sasuke)

[hardcoreheathen.livejournal.com]

Dear Kyuubi,

I'm having trouble connecting with people on an emotional level. What should I do?

[na-no-nai.livejournal.com]

Sasuke,

What advice can give on dealing with an evil older sibling who pretends they have nothing but your best interest in mind? Sometimes I feel that dynamite is the only answer, but if I do that, there'll be hell to pay from the rest of the family.

The Tenth's Right Hand,
Gokudera

[severedscythe.livejournal.com]

Blue

Say, hypothetically, someone spilled soda in the engine. And say, hypothetically, that they didn't want to inform you and you found out anyway.

hypothetically, what would you do to them?

The person who most certainly did NOT do the aforementioned.

[fonsetorigo.livejournal.com]

Sasuke,

The electric knife at my work hates me, I still can't use it.

My boss is getting frustrated with me.

Any thoughts?

Lily.

[askerian]

Organize a hostile takeover at work to displace your boss and take his place. Then assign someone else to teach you how to use the electric knife properly. Even if your new duties mean you shouldn't have to use it again, it is pathetic for a superior to be unable to do the basic things his or her underlings do.

If the problem is maintenance, you now have the authority and funds to have the thing fixed. Do it.


Uchiha Sasuke.

[fonsetorigo.livejournal.com]

Sasuke,

I have no group to oraganise a takeover with, and my boss would beat the shit outta me by myself. Oh and I swear her daughter would eat my babies if she could.

Lily.

[askerian]

Hypothetically, I sure hope they stocked up on warm clothes, because the heat coil in their room suddenly became necessary to fix the thing they messed up. Except that someone needs said warm clothes as rags to clean up the mess. Sucks, huh.

Also hypothetically, I see them drinking soda ever again, I'm gonna teach 'em to drink it through their nose.

[askerian]

If you won't take steps to put yourself in the position to affect your standing then you have no grounds to complain. If you don't have the group now, either slowly build it via gaining others to your cause, or find a way to manage without support.

As for your boss, no one is on their guard 24/7. Watch for an opening. Then use it.

Also, do not have babies until the daughter has been neutralized.

[askerian]

Eat them.

[fonsetorigo.livejournal.com]

I am currently reading a text on Manipulation of Human Behaviour, despite is disturbingness and whatever else, I will use as I see fit. >D This coup will be staged!

She might be. >.> I am in drastic situation on Saturday, I have shift with both of them on Saturday.

ALSO, SECOND QUESTION. I HAVE UNWANTED SUITORS. HOW DO I GET RID OF THEM?

Lily.

[askerian]

...You should be glad you have "the rest" of your family. Concentrate on them.

Ascertain whether your older sibling has any truly malicious intents towards you and yours. Are they planning to betray you or yours to your deaths? Sell you into slavery? Use you as a guinea pig for poison research? If they do, kill them before they kill your family. Your family might not understand and grow to hate you. It does not matter, so long as they are safe. If your sibling doesn't have truly malicious intent, stop complaining. I don't want to hear it.

Dynamite is an inefficient way to kill someone. The smoke and debris may mask the target, making it possible for them to slip away undetected. A blade through the heart or spine is much better, though a poisonous snake might do, as long as you know for sure they have built no immunity to it.


Uchiha Sasuke.

[askerian]

Hm. Just have a plan B in place when they inevitably notice your manipulations and turn against you.

... Ignore them. Why do you think I know?

[fonsetorigo.livejournal.com]

This is true. -digs around fo r Ak-47 somewhere in a box of stuff-

Iunno, cause you have fangirls. Seemed the logical person to ask, not that they are fanboys but nerrrg, I dont know how to get rid of them. This may have something to do with in ability to not flirt, by defualt attractive more attention then I am actually worth.

Sort of like you, following my logical, is that you don't do anything out of the oridinary you are just yourself, but makes people flock to you, and yet you still dont get why? I'm not making any sense....

Re: And I abuse memes because I know you love me.

[askerian]

Nejiko-chan~

Imagine you'd told Jiraiya instead. Aren't you glad it's just me? >:D

But, okay.

I suggest you go and jump in other-me's bed. Betcha he'll have you too distracted to remember I'm imagining y'all naked.

(aw come on, tell me who else, I won't be able to stop wondering now!)


Naruto (and you betcha I will. Then when he mails you my mangled manbits and threaten to maim you, you'll be real sorry. Not as sorry as me, sure, but still sorry.)

ahaha asking social advice from sasuke XDDD

[askerian]

'che. If I knew what I was doing to get all those idiots to swarm me, I'd stop. I thought it was pretty clear.

If they latched on you for their own reasons then it follows that the only way they'll leave is for their own reason. I find it easier to just ignore them.

[joisbishmyoga.livejournal.com]

Dear Sai,

My boyfriend is a highly skilled genius pretty much everywhere and I love him dearly. Except, well, he's a bit on the small side from being in the early stages of puberty a second time, damn the evil Syndicate. How do I tell him he doesn't quite yet satisfy without hurting his feelings? Or get revenge on the Syndicate without actually killing them because I don't really do bloody gory deathy stuff?

Signed,
Kaitou KID from Deal