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sequelthing to Comrades, Coming Out and Cows
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izarin, a sequel to Comrades, Coming Out and Cows, the crackish one-shot where Sasuke turns out to be gay and everyone in his team fails to be surprised.
... i'm sorry I understood your prompt wrong, but hey! It would have inspired me to do maybe ten lines. This one gets you THREE WHOLE PAGES OMGWTF.
Me and my drabbles, I swear. x___x;;;;
Of course it wasn't betaread, and it isn't all that well-padded, but ehh. It was supposed to be a quick crack drabble, damn it. ;_;
"Kakashi-sensei! You LIAR! You said you weren't gay!"
Kakashi gave a placid grunt of acknowledgement as his date thumped Naruto on the back with vigorous friendliness.
"Ahh, it is rather a sad state of affairs when two men cannot enjoy a date together without doubts being cast on their pure devotion to the fair sex."
Naruto and Sakura gave Gai a dubious look. "Um, Gai-sensei, no offense, but when you're on a date with another man, doesn't it imply...?"
"Nonsense!" Lee declared faithfully. "It is merely a wish to spend a good moment together, as special friends!"
"No, a date means they're dating," Naruto retorted, crossing his arms with determination. Hinata clung to his elbow, flustered.
"It doesn't mean we're having sex," Kakashi replied placidly.
Naruto glared at him. "So you're gonna hold hands and feed each other fruit and sit on each other's lap?"
"Well, maybe not --"
"OF COURSE!"
Kakashi gave a dubious sidelong look at Gai, who stood with both fists on his hips.
"There is nothing wrong with two grown men holding hands to signify the depth of their feelings! Even if those feelings are utterly platonic in nature. It is important for Neji's emotional wellbeing to realize that it is okay for men to express their feelings, and that he doesn't fear his beloved teacher would ever, ever reject him for such a silly, unimportant matter as plumbing!"
Neji turned away, with that downward turn on his lips Sasuke knew meant he was contemplating the removal of body parts with a dull spoon. "I'm not holding hands," Sasuke declared flatly, before that crazy loon tried to make them.
"Oh, such a shame that you two have such a baggage of oppressive homophobic propaganda to overcome."
Sasuke's eye twitched, but Neji shook his head imperceptibly, indicating that it wasn't worth it; he knew better, so Sasuke didn't say anything.
"What amazing wordless communication!" Lee commented, peering at them both.
Neji stalked forward down the garden path. For a second, Sasuke was tempted to stomp off the other way, but he knew Naruto's bunshin would be on him in a second if it even looked like he was going to leave. He had tried, and despite Sakura's best efforts, he still had the footprints on his back to prove it.
He didn't manage to get far enough to miss Naruto's whisper. "Hehe. Look, Hinata, they even stomp in synch."
Naruto didn't manage to move fast enough to avoid the basket to his face either. Sakura opened her mouth to say something, but Kakashi just checked that the sandwiches were okay before letting Sasuke go.
Sasuke didn't like letting Neji -- or anyone -- open the way through the park, forcing him to follow; but catching up to him meant more whispers of the "aww, so cute!" variety, so he stayed two steps behind and to the left, and ignored the friendly chatter behind them to the best of his abilities.
"Ahh. It almost feels like a team date, doesn't it? Such a shame we had to leave poor Tenten behind."
"I'm in favor of Sakura-chan dumping Fuzzy Brows for Tenten, but then we're back where we started," Naruto quipped. Sakura predictably bopped him over the head.
Gai chuckled. "Ahh, if only ... Not that I would ever consider asking you to break Hinata's heart... You two make a charming couple, by the way -- is a betrothal planned?"
Hinata blushed and spluttered. Neji twitched, and turned just enough to throw Naruto a cold, deadly look that made his sunny grin dim and falter.
"Aha -- ahehh... We're not there yet."
Kakashi gave the other teacher a weighing look. "What are you thinking up now, Gai?"
"Well... I'm sure Hinata-san, with her loving heart, would allow Naruto to take both!"
"No. No, she wouldn't."
Gai looked wounded. Lee looked reproachful. Sakura and Naruto were exchanging 'umm' glances. Hinata had turned so red it was a wonder there was blood left in the rest of her body, and wasn't looking at anyone.
"Neji! How cruel. You're greatly underestimating Naruto and Hinata's compassion. I'm sure they wouldn't see anything wrong with taking Tenten along as a friend, just like Kakashi invited me."
"I see plenty wrong with that," Sasuke muttered, before reaching to grab Neji's arm and dragging him away.
"Let go," Neji hissed under his breath.
Sasuke sent him a quick glare and whispered right back. "Just ignore them."
"Like you ignored Naruto?"
"He's my teammate, I can hit him if I want to."
"And he's my teacher, do you have a point?"
"Hey guys, could you talk a little louder? From here it looks like whispering sweet nothings and that's kinda freaky."
"Shut up, Naruto," they growled back in tandem, and then glared together at Sakura and Hinata, who were giggling behind their hands.
The whole picnic went that way -- Gai doing gay-friendly speeches, Lee encouraging him, Naruto leering and snarking, Sakura politely pretending that nothing was wrong and that she wasn't mentally noting down every single scrap of information, Hinata wide-eyed and blushing a little more at every one of Naruto's comments, and Kakashi...
Kakashi was reading. But from time to time he grabbed a sandwich and stuffed it in Gai's mouth without looking, and that brought Sasuke and Neji some reprieve. Maybe Sasuke wouldn't kill him too hard.
There were rides, too, and the teachers insisted that everyone should get onboard; but Neji got in Naruto and Hinata's Love Train car and Sasuke in Lee and Sakura's, to make sure nothing untoward happened, and that made it more tolerable.
Barely.
+
They found themselves stomping off in the same direction the second Naruto stopped being a dick and halfheartedly mentioned that maybe they could consider the four-way date ended. They didn't talk until they were halfway to the park's exit, and when that happened, it was through closed teeth.
"I consider this whole mess your fault, Uchiha."
"Really."
"If you had stopped Naruto before he could get that idea and put it in Lee and Gai's heads..."
"My fault? You're a Hyuuga, how come you didn't see him coming?" Neji twitched and glared at him angrily; Sasuke wasn't fazed for so little. Because there was something that had been burning his tongue since the other day. "What the hell were you doing wearing my shirt, anyway!"
Bristling, ready to counter Neji's comeback, Sasuke waited.
There was no comeback, only a frustrated growl; Neji stomped away stiffly. "Just guess," the Hyuuga snapped at him without looking back.
Sasuke blinked.
...Oh.
Guess they really were dating, after all.
He waited a few seconds, and then he started walking again. In the same direction, because there was only one exit, and a little faster, only because he wanted to get home early.
And if they ended up side by side and shoulder to shoulder, it was purely accidental.
izarin, a sequel to Comrades, Coming Out and Cows, the crackish one-shot where Sasuke turns out to be gay and everyone in his team fails to be surprised.... i'm sorry I understood your prompt wrong, but hey! It would have inspired me to do maybe ten lines. This one gets you THREE WHOLE PAGES OMGWTF.
Me and my drabbles, I swear. x___x;;;;
Of course it wasn't betaread, and it isn't all that well-padded, but ehh. It was supposed to be a quick crack drabble, damn it. ;_;
"Kakashi-sensei! You LIAR! You said you weren't gay!"
Kakashi gave a placid grunt of acknowledgement as his date thumped Naruto on the back with vigorous friendliness.
"Ahh, it is rather a sad state of affairs when two men cannot enjoy a date together without doubts being cast on their pure devotion to the fair sex."
Naruto and Sakura gave Gai a dubious look. "Um, Gai-sensei, no offense, but when you're on a date with another man, doesn't it imply...?"
"Nonsense!" Lee declared faithfully. "It is merely a wish to spend a good moment together, as special friends!"
"No, a date means they're dating," Naruto retorted, crossing his arms with determination. Hinata clung to his elbow, flustered.
"It doesn't mean we're having sex," Kakashi replied placidly.
Naruto glared at him. "So you're gonna hold hands and feed each other fruit and sit on each other's lap?"
"Well, maybe not --"
"OF COURSE!"
Kakashi gave a dubious sidelong look at Gai, who stood with both fists on his hips.
"There is nothing wrong with two grown men holding hands to signify the depth of their feelings! Even if those feelings are utterly platonic in nature. It is important for Neji's emotional wellbeing to realize that it is okay for men to express their feelings, and that he doesn't fear his beloved teacher would ever, ever reject him for such a silly, unimportant matter as plumbing!"
Neji turned away, with that downward turn on his lips Sasuke knew meant he was contemplating the removal of body parts with a dull spoon. "I'm not holding hands," Sasuke declared flatly, before that crazy loon tried to make them.
"Oh, such a shame that you two have such a baggage of oppressive homophobic propaganda to overcome."
Sasuke's eye twitched, but Neji shook his head imperceptibly, indicating that it wasn't worth it; he knew better, so Sasuke didn't say anything.
"What amazing wordless communication!" Lee commented, peering at them both.
Neji stalked forward down the garden path. For a second, Sasuke was tempted to stomp off the other way, but he knew Naruto's bunshin would be on him in a second if it even looked like he was going to leave. He had tried, and despite Sakura's best efforts, he still had the footprints on his back to prove it.
He didn't manage to get far enough to miss Naruto's whisper. "Hehe. Look, Hinata, they even stomp in synch."
Naruto didn't manage to move fast enough to avoid the basket to his face either. Sakura opened her mouth to say something, but Kakashi just checked that the sandwiches were okay before letting Sasuke go.
Sasuke didn't like letting Neji -- or anyone -- open the way through the park, forcing him to follow; but catching up to him meant more whispers of the "aww, so cute!" variety, so he stayed two steps behind and to the left, and ignored the friendly chatter behind them to the best of his abilities.
"Ahh. It almost feels like a team date, doesn't it? Such a shame we had to leave poor Tenten behind."
"I'm in favor of Sakura-chan dumping Fuzzy Brows for Tenten, but then we're back where we started," Naruto quipped. Sakura predictably bopped him over the head.
Gai chuckled. "Ahh, if only ... Not that I would ever consider asking you to break Hinata's heart... You two make a charming couple, by the way -- is a betrothal planned?"
Hinata blushed and spluttered. Neji twitched, and turned just enough to throw Naruto a cold, deadly look that made his sunny grin dim and falter.
"Aha -- ahehh... We're not there yet."
Kakashi gave the other teacher a weighing look. "What are you thinking up now, Gai?"
"Well... I'm sure Hinata-san, with her loving heart, would allow Naruto to take both!"
"No. No, she wouldn't."
Gai looked wounded. Lee looked reproachful. Sakura and Naruto were exchanging 'umm' glances. Hinata had turned so red it was a wonder there was blood left in the rest of her body, and wasn't looking at anyone.
"Neji! How cruel. You're greatly underestimating Naruto and Hinata's compassion. I'm sure they wouldn't see anything wrong with taking Tenten along as a friend, just like Kakashi invited me."
"I see plenty wrong with that," Sasuke muttered, before reaching to grab Neji's arm and dragging him away.
"Let go," Neji hissed under his breath.
Sasuke sent him a quick glare and whispered right back. "Just ignore them."
"Like you ignored Naruto?"
"He's my teammate, I can hit him if I want to."
"And he's my teacher, do you have a point?"
"Hey guys, could you talk a little louder? From here it looks like whispering sweet nothings and that's kinda freaky."
"Shut up, Naruto," they growled back in tandem, and then glared together at Sakura and Hinata, who were giggling behind their hands.
The whole picnic went that way -- Gai doing gay-friendly speeches, Lee encouraging him, Naruto leering and snarking, Sakura politely pretending that nothing was wrong and that she wasn't mentally noting down every single scrap of information, Hinata wide-eyed and blushing a little more at every one of Naruto's comments, and Kakashi...
Kakashi was reading. But from time to time he grabbed a sandwich and stuffed it in Gai's mouth without looking, and that brought Sasuke and Neji some reprieve. Maybe Sasuke wouldn't kill him too hard.
There were rides, too, and the teachers insisted that everyone should get onboard; but Neji got in Naruto and Hinata's Love Train car and Sasuke in Lee and Sakura's, to make sure nothing untoward happened, and that made it more tolerable.
Barely.
+
They found themselves stomping off in the same direction the second Naruto stopped being a dick and halfheartedly mentioned that maybe they could consider the four-way date ended. They didn't talk until they were halfway to the park's exit, and when that happened, it was through closed teeth.
"I consider this whole mess your fault, Uchiha."
"Really."
"If you had stopped Naruto before he could get that idea and put it in Lee and Gai's heads..."
"My fault? You're a Hyuuga, how come you didn't see him coming?" Neji twitched and glared at him angrily; Sasuke wasn't fazed for so little. Because there was something that had been burning his tongue since the other day. "What the hell were you doing wearing my shirt, anyway!"
Bristling, ready to counter Neji's comeback, Sasuke waited.
There was no comeback, only a frustrated growl; Neji stomped away stiffly. "Just guess," the Hyuuga snapped at him without looking back.
Sasuke blinked.
...Oh.
Guess they really were dating, after all.
He waited a few seconds, and then he started walking again. In the same direction, because there was only one exit, and a little faster, only because he wanted to get home early.
And if they ended up side by side and shoulder to shoulder, it was purely accidental.