Third paragraph, second line you've used a semi-colon rather than a comma, and fresh air in 'here' not 'in there' Somewhere after the seventh real paragraph down, after Sakura's stopped admiring (in a horrified way Naruto) 'As for the tips of her ears, 'they were' already burning.' A little further on, can someone fall off a futon? They're really close to the ground anyway. Maybe he can roll off? Oh hey! If I leave my cursor over the english words the french translation appears, how cool is that? Hum nothing else for the first chapter, sorry for the nitpicking. I always thought Sakura needed to be more pissed overall and a little more argh my life is ruined because she'd fallen pregnant in the story, I'd been devastated, men of my life or not. Otherwise I'll go over the other chapters later.
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Somewhere after the seventh real paragraph down, after Sakura's stopped admiring (in a horrified way Naruto) 'As for the tips of her ears, 'they were' already burning.'
A little further on, can someone fall off a futon? They're really close to the ground anyway. Maybe he can roll off?
Oh hey! If I leave my cursor over the english words the french translation appears, how cool is that?
Hum nothing else for the first chapter, sorry for the nitpicking.
I always thought Sakura needed to be more pissed overall and a little more argh my life is ruined because she'd fallen pregnant in the story, I'd been devastated, men of my life or not. Otherwise I'll go over the other chapters later.